Date: Wed, 21 Dec 2005 14:54:08 EST
From: Grassisb@aol.com
Subject: The Grass is Blue ~ 5

This is my first story. As always, if you're not supposed to be here,
please leave. In other words, if men kissing, fucking, or doing anything
remotely sexual offends, disgusts, or angers you then you should get out of
here. This story includes sex between two men. But it is at heart, a love
story. Plenty of sap, romance, and professions of love. So be warned. This
work is copyrighted and may not be used without explicit permission from
the author.

Comments, suggestions, complaints are all much appreciated and welcomed at
grassisb@aol.com.

Thank you to everyone who has sent encouraging notes and suggestions so
far. It means a lot.  Keep them coming. I love hearing from all of you.

Also I thought I should mention that while David and Sam do not use
protection in this story, you should. This is fiction where most things end
happily. Alas life is not always the same. Better be safe than sorry.

"Family" & "Early Morning Breeze" ~ Words and music by Dolly Parton.

Enjoy,
Anthony

~~~~~~~~~

Present Day

"I lost my partner about six months ago. Her name was Annie. She died of
cancer."

"My husband was hit by a drunk driver a year ago. He died instantly."

"My son was killed in a gay bashing. He was only 18."

I really couldn't take anymore. I don't know why I let my sister talk me
into this in the first place.  I was perfectly fine at home watching
"Spider Man 2" with my son. I mean Tobey in tights. How can you go wrong?

Instead I'm here at sobfest U.S.A. listening to all of these so very sad
stories. Now I'm a crier.  But, contrary to previous occurrences, I don't
much like to cry in front of people I don't know.

"My daughter died six months ago. She was only six." No emotion, no
tears. Just an indifferent stoicism. It was such a cold voice. I remembered
that voice so very well.

I glanced over to see who had said it. He sat there and his face held
absolutely no emotions. He was, for lack of a better term, lifeless, as if
he were being programmed to talk. I remembered feeling like that. Feeling
like there was nothing in the world that could make things right. And
without being overly dramatic, there truly wasn't.

You could tell that the people in the group were obviously shocked by what
he said. Hell I was too. A six year old girl. God. It just makes you wonder
if the phrase, "God works in mysterious ways" is really true.

The group leader, Stuart, who eerily resembled Bob Newhart sighed. "I think
that's probably enough tonight. Let's have some coffee." As if coffee would
just rid everyone of their hurt. I guess I'm sort of being unfair. The man
listens to these kinds of tragic tales nightly. I'm sure it takes it's toll
on him too.

This was my second meeting. My sister had found it for me. It wasn't
necessarily strictly gay and lesbian, which didn't bother me at all. It was
nice to be associated with straight couples who were also grieving. Kinda
made me feel more accepted. Last week was a disaster. I, of course, was new
and so I had to share my little sad tale. And of course anytime I talked
about Sammy at length, I was bound to cry. Some sweet lady next to me who
had recently lost her daughter offered me a tissue and a hug at the
meeting's end.

So here I was this week. A seasoned veteran I suppose. I didn't stay long
after the meeting ended last week. And I didn't plan on staying too long
tonight. I know, I know. Why go if I didn't stay?  My sister asked me that
very same question. I was trying to wean myself into it. Maybe I was just
telling myself that. I don't know. But I slipped my coat on and made my way
outside promising myself that next week would be easier somehow. Yes. Next
week I'd stay and have coffee and a bear claw and then maybe that would
make it normal. Maybe then I'd be okay.

But that was the million dollar question. If you've ever seen the movie
"The Guys," there is this wonderful monologue that Siguorney Weaver
does. The movie was written by Anne Nelson, a writer, who helped a fire
captain write eulogies for those men he lost in the World Trade Center
attacks. What was okay? And for that matter, how long does it really take
for us to get there?  Lord knows, I'm not sure if I was there yet. Even
scarier though, would I ever get there?

I hailed a cab and wondered what life would be like if Sammy were still
here. A stupid daydream I know. But I couldn't help it. Without sounding
like the perpetual whiner that I always seem to sound like, I just couldn't
seem to get into my head that he was gone. To me he was everywhere.  In
things I saw on the street. Things in the apartment. Music we'd danced to
together, made love to together, cried with together. Especially though, in
Mikey. Our son was a little miniature Sam.  >From the way that he laughed
to the way that he snored. Everything that he did mimicked my Sammy.

"That'll be eight dollars."

The cab driver had broken reverie. I quickly paid him and made my way
across the street to the apartment. Still the same building. Still the same
floor. The same furniture. Everything the same.  Everyone told me that was
the reason why I was still moping around. I needed to get out of there and
start fresh somewhere else. As if living in a new apartment or getting a
new ottoman might somehow erase ten years of happiness. Ten years of
laughter and tears. Fights and make-ups. Ten years of a life I so dearly
needed to still cling to. A life that I couldn't let go.

Exasperating. I know that's what I am. I'll stop whining. For now at least.

The apartment was relative quiet so that must have meant that my little
monster was asleep. I opened the door and found both Mikey and Greg
sleeping on opposite ends of the couch. Greggy had moved in next door to us
a couple of years back when the apartment had become vacant.  Mikey adored
him. He thought he was pretty much the funniest thing out there. They got
along wonderfully.

I walked over to the couch and threw a blanket over them. I looked over at
the TV. "Sunset Blvd." Typical Greggy. I leave them watching "Spider Man
2." I come home and he has my son watching Billy Wilder. Not that I
minded. At the tender age of eleven, my son was an expert on the likes of
Hitchcock and Fellini.

I sat on the edge of the couch and watched Gloria Swanson chew the scenery
like only she could.  It was the scene where William Holden, hot as ever,
stumbles upon the rundown mansion. You know the monkey funeral scene. He
asks Norma if she's making a comeback. And she answers in that over the top
voice. "It isn't a comeback. It's a return." I laughed at how many times
over the years I'd imitate that line at one of Greg's infamous old movie
parties.

A return. Maybe I needed one of them. A return the dating scene. A return
to socializing. A return to... life. Maybe there was still a little Norma
Desmond left in me.

"You're home early." I heard a groggy voice behind me.

I smiled and turned back to look at my best pal.

"Boring my son to death are ya?" I smiled knowing Mikey loved "Sunset" a
hell of a lot more than "Spider Man 2."

He laughed. "Are you kidding? I couldn't watch that trash he had on. Kids
these days, they just don't..." He stopped and looked surprised.

I looked at him. "What's the matter?"

He smiled. "I can't believe I just used the phrase kids these days. My
mother uses that." He rubbed his face. "God I'm getting old."

I laughed. "And ugly. Don't forget ugly." I made my way into the kitchen.

"Excuse us, your highness. We can't all look as naturally good as you." He
followed behind.

I opened the refrigerator and searched out the bottle of wine I opened the
other night. I reached for two glasses and leaned against the counter
resting my head on the cool cabinet door.

I felt two strong hands massage my shoulders. "How'd it go?"

I sighed. I could always count on Greg to be there. I turned around and
hugged him. "I realized tonight just how many people out there are worse
off than I am." I mumbled into his shoulder.

"Why is that?"

I smiled and pulled back. "I have people here for me. To love me, take care
of me, listen to my incessant whining." I kissed his cheek. "People like
you."

He smiled and I could tell he was probably choking back tears. He wiped his
face and got me into a headlock. "Don't go getting sappy on me now."

Laughing I escaped his clutches. "Make yourself useful and pour the
wine. I'll be back."

I made my way to the bedroom and changed into some sweat pants. I stood in
front of the mirror looking at my naked chest.

"Narcissism at it's finest."

I jumped in my usual drama queen fashion. Greggy held out my glass
smirking.

"You really are too easy, you know."

I laughed. "I sir am not easy." I tried doing my best southern belle
impression, failing miserably. I slipped on a t-shirt and plopped down on
the bed.

Greg laid down next to me. "So it was okay. Really?"

I smiled. "It wasn't easy. But it wasn't as bad as last week. So that has
to be a good sign. Right?"  I decided to change the topic. "What about
you. How was your date last night?"

He laughed. "Let's not even go there. His idea of a good time was a couple
of tablets of ecstasy with a vodka chaser. Remind me never to go on a date
a again. I'll just stay celibate for the rest of my life." He sighed. "I'm
not asking for the perfect man, you know. There really is no such thing.
I'm just looking for my perfect man. He's gotta be out there."

I smiled. "He's out there alright. You'll find him."

We lay there for awhile in silence. Greggy finally sat up and
stretched. "I'm gonna get going."

"Alright." I smiled. "You can crash here if your too tired to walk."

He laughed. "I need the exercise." He kissed my cheek. "Night."

"Night."

He made his way out of the bedroom and then popped his head in. "Don't
forget about Saturday.  I got the tickets already."

I smiled. "Got it. Mikey's spending the weekend at my parents'."

"Alrightee. I'll talk to you tomorrow." And then he was gone.

I went out to the living room and guided my sleepy son to his bed. It
amazed me how he never fully woke but just kinda sleepwalked. I kissed his
forehead. "G'night son. I love you."

I locked the door and made my way to my bed. Stripping down I plopped
myself down in the middle and looked at the picture on the nightstand. It
was of me and Sammy on our wedding day.  God was that really twelve years
ago? I sighed loudly and closed my eyes.

Another day done. Just a few more thousand to go.

~~~~~~~~~

Chapter Five - Family

   "When it's family you forgive them for they know not what they do
     When it's family you accept them cause you have no choice but to
        When it's family they're a mirror of the worst and best in you
 And they always put you to the test, and you always try to do your best
            And just pray for god to do the rest when it's family"

"I think it went well." His face held no emotion. The whole day he wasn't
my Sam. He was just some distant person. Some droll, lifeless creature.

I cupped his face. "Let it out babe. You have to let it out."

Then he did something I didn't expect him to do. He pulled away from me. He
must have seen the shock on my face. I was even more shocked when he pulled
his shirt off and began to undress frantically. Articles of clothing were
thrown with no care. And when he was done with his, he started on
mine. Finally as we both stood there, naked, he hugged himself to me so
tightly. As if he wanted to slip into me or something. It was such a weird,
surreal and at the same time exotic experience.

"Fuck me babe." It was a whisper. A plea almost. As if someone would be
begging for their life or something.

I looked into his face. "Are... are you sure?"

He pushed me down onto the bed and straddled me. His face was full of
nothing. No passion, no lust, no anger. Just... nothing.

He was working quickly, placing kisses all over my chest, biting my
sensitive nipples.  Feverishly, he worked his way down to my now throbbing
cock which was dripping like a leaky faucet. He lapped at it furiously and
finally took it in his mouth, caressing the head with his tongue.

I wanted to moan, wanted to scream. Wanted to tell him what pleasure he was
giving me. But I couldn't. I couldn't touch him. Couldn't let him know I
was enjoying it. It just didn't seem right to me. Of course, my body
doesn't distinguish right from wrong and my cock was just loving the
attention it was receiving.

He pulled off of me quickly and again I caught a glimpse of his face,
hoping to catch something there. To see what he was feeling. But for the
first time since we'd met, I couldn't. I couldn't see anything there.

Sitting atop me, he impaled himself quickly and effortlessly on me. On top
of me, his body was covered in sweat. Gyrating wildly, he rode me quickly
and furiously. As if he were trying to prove something. And then it
happened. I could feel him twitch and I knew he was ready to blow. This of
course sent me into overdrive and we both came explosively.

And just like that, it was over. The most bizarre, extremely powerful
orgasm I'd ever had. He finally collapsed on my chest, stretching his body
over mine. His breathing was ragged and I could feel his tears on my
shoulder.

"It's not wrong." He finally spoke after at least ten minutes.

"What isn't wrong baby?" I caressed his back. I was so confused.

He lifted his head and smiled. His eyes were bloodshot, his face wet, and
his hair matted. But that smile just made his face so much prettier. It was
one of those full mouth smiles. You know the kind.

"This isn't. We aren't." He brushed the hair from my forehead. "Today, all
I could think about were the things he use to say about
gays. Abominations. They'll be punished. They'll live the afterlife in the
fires of hell." I wiped his tear stained face. "And I thought, could this
be wrong?  Could he have possibly been right?" He smiled
again. "No. Because that was just so right. What we did, what we
shared. That isn't wrong." He kissed me slowly and sweetly. "It was
beautiful.  What we have, what we share. That's beautiful to me."

I smiled. This man, this incredibly innocent man had been wronged so
much. "It's beautiful to me too baby." I pulled him down and kissed him
softly.

We broke the kiss and he looked at me. "I love ya."

I laughed. "I love you too. You do realize that in the course of today, we
told each other "I love you" like eighty times. We're sickening." I ran my
fingers through his hair, now soaking wet.  "We both need a shower."

He yawned. "Later. Sleep. Now." He laid his head on my chest and within
minutes was sound asleep. I eased my way out of bed, quickly covering him
with a blanket.

I slipped on my boxers and made my way to the kitchen trying to make sense
of everything that had happened today. Not that there was exactly too much
to make sense of. I already knew how much of a prick Earl Warren was. There
wasn't any use rehashing that. I guess what I didn't expect was how the
whole day would affect Sam. He seemed so desolate, so lost. The mass, the
burial. Everything was just devoid of any emotion whatsoever.

Well, at least it was over. Now, we could look forward to our life. With
our family. We could plan our wedding. That thought made my heart skip a
few beats. Life with Sammy. That was something I could definitely look
forward to.

I made my way to the bedroom and stripped, gently easing myself into bed. I
spooned myself to the man of my dreams. I kissed the back of his neck.

"Sweet dreams baby."

~~~~~~~~~

I awoke the next morning after a very good night's sleep to the smell of
coffee. Very strong coffee. I learned in the past days that my lover liked
his coffee exceptionally strong. To me, it sorta resembled mud but he liked
it. Didn't matter much to me as I was more a tea drinker myself. He could
have drank blood and I have a feeling I'd still be head over heels.

I slipped on my boxers and tip toed to the kitchen finding my Sammy
nowhere. I looked in the bathroom thinking I might be able to catch him in
the shower. No such luck. And then I heard something out on the front
porch. I slipped my robe on quickly and quietly made my way out through the
back. I could hear the light strumming of a guitar. I peeked my head
through the small fence that encircled the porch and then I heard his sweet
voice sing along to the music he was playing.

"I open up my door to greet the early morning sun Closing it behind me and
away I do run To the meadow where the meadowlark is singing in the trees In
the meadow I go walking in the early morning breeze

I cup my hands to catch a multi-colored butterfly Perched upon the petals
of a flower growing wild Freeing it, I watch it as it flies away from me To
visit with the flowers in the early morning breeze

Rainbow colored flowers kissed with early morning sun The aster and the
dahlia and the wild geranium Drops of morning dew still linger on the iris
leaves In the meadow where I'm walking in the early morning breeze

Misty eyed I look about the meadow where I stray For it's there I find the
courage to greet the coming For there upon the flowers I kneel gently to my
knees And have a talk with God in the early morning breeze

A rainbow colored meadow kissed with early morning sun The aster and the
dahlia and the wild geranium Drops of morning dew still linger on the iris
leaves In the meadow where I'm walking in the early morning breeze In the
early morning breeze."

I stood there breathless, simply astounded by the beauty of not only the
lyrics but the beauty of his voice. It was so smooth. So velvety. If that
makes any sense. It wasn't feminine at all. Just simple and pure. I tried
backing up so he couldn't see me. I didn't want to embarrass him.

"What'd you think?" I could hear the smile in his voice.

I peeked my head over the fence. "Ya mad?"

He laughed. "Depends on whether or not you liked it."

I smiled. "You know I loved it."

He grinned mischievously. "Get naked."

"What?"

"Get naked and race me to the lake." And with that he was off. He was
faster than me, so he was already in the lake before I got there.

I was hesitant. "Is it cold?"

He splashed me. "Oh come on you big sissy. Would you just get in the
freaking water."

I grimaced. "Okay, okay." I slipped off my boxers and dove in. Surprisingly
it really wasn't that cold. It wasn't like a heated pool though either. I
dunked my head under water and when I came back up, Sammy was nowhere to be
seen. And then from behind, I felt two arms wrap around me.

"Caught ya." He whispered seductively in my ear.

I smiled. "I wasn't trying to get away." I turned around to face him. "You
okay?"

He smiled. "I am." He pulled me closer. "I'm not sure I would have been if
you weren't here."  He pecked me on the lips. "Yesterday was hard. But
it'll get better. You wanna get out and lie in the sun."

I smiled. "Sure. Long as your still nekkid."

He dunked me under. "A New Yawker trying to talk southern. It's heresy I
tell ya."

We swam over to the little dock and dried each other off with my robe. I
laid down on my back and Sammy laid with his head on my stomach, his chin
resting just above my cock. It sounds sexual but it really wasn't. He was
running his fingers idly through the hairs on my stomach.

"I used to swim here everyday." He smiled. "Every morning before
school. I'd dive right in there no matter how cold the water was." He
turned around and laid down between my spread legs. I immediately wrapped
my arms around him. "He wasn't always bad. One time, I think I was seven. I
got straight A's. I was so proud. I couldn't wait to go home and show him."
He stopped for a second sitting there in silence.

I pulled him tighter. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want
to."

He smiled. I couldn't see it but I knew he did. "It's okay. I want to."

"So what happened?"

He kissed my hand. "He wasn't home. Back then he had a job pouring
cement. He went to work so early. And he always got home when I was
asleep. Anyway. I waited up. Mama didn't want me to but I had to show
him. He came home and as soon as I heard the truck outside, I was at the
door. He was so proud of me. Told me I was the best son anyone could have."

I was confused. "When did he become..."

"A bastard." He said what I'd been thinking. "It was a gradual process. He
lost his job. He shrugged it off. He said he'd get another one. He did. It
was at the bar in town. Wasn't much time before his paycheck was being
spent solely at the bar. He'd come home drunk, nasty. It was as if he had
two different personalities. The drunk one and the sober one." He
sighed. "He just became a different person. Didn't care if we had money for
groceries. Didn't care that I went to school in the same clothes every
day. If it weren't for Kenny's family, we wouldn't have survived."

I kissed his neck. "I'm sorry you had to go through that."

He turned around. "Don't be. I'm not. As much as it hurt, it's my past. I
wish... I wish that things could have been different. I wish he could have
been a better father. I wish that Kenny were still here. I wish that Mama
was still here." I wiped a tear from his face. "But they're where they
belong now. Where they deserve to be. I'll always love them and I'll never
forget them. And as much as I hate to admit, I'll always love him too." He
collapsed into my chest sobbing.

I pulled him close to me, as close as I possibly could. "It's alright
baby. Shh. Let it out. He was your father. Doesn't matter if he was a good
one or a bad one. He was still your father."

~~~~~~~~~

"So everything is alright then." I must have asked my sister that question
about eight times already. This was my seventh call to her in a day and she
was getting just a tad bit pissed.

"Everything is fine. Joanna is a wonderful woman. And this little angel in
my arms is probably the best baby I've ever seen."

I smiled. I couldn't wait to get home.

"Okay. Well our flight lands late tonight."

"You sure you don't want me to pick you guys up."

"Nah. It'll be too late. We'll just get a cab. It's no big deal. See ya
then."

"Love ya David."

"Love you too. Bye."

I clicked my phone shut and looked out the window. Sammy was standing down
by the lake. He looked incredible. His hair in that messed up way he did
it. His body, long and lanky. He had the most perfect body. Not too skinny,
not too muscular. As Goldilocks would say, "he was just right."

I made my way down there and stopped when I heard that he was talking. At
first I thought it was to me and then I realized it was to no one in
general.

"I love him Kenny. I love him so much. I wish you could meet him. I wish
you could see how lucky I am now." He skimmed a rock across the water. "I
think about you everyday. I wish I could have told you I loved you. I wish
I could have... I wish I could have stopped it. I know your happy
now. You're with Mama and your aunt and uncle. You're with Peanut." He
laughed. "Plus you get to see Monty Clift and Rock Hudson. And you remember
the crushes we had on them."  He stopped. "I miss you. And just in case you
never knew it, I loved you an awful lot. And I love the hot New Yorker
behind me a lot too." He turned around and smiled at me.

I laughed. "You psychic or something."

"No. Just a little nuts."

I walked over to him and pulled him close. "I like my guy a little nuts." I
smiled devilishly and groped him. "Not that your nuts are little or
anything."

He smiled. "I love you."

"Right back atcha kiddo." We kissed softly and slowly. I couldn't help but
think that it seemed like the end of some cheesy movie. I didn't care
though. The more sap, the better. "Dance with me baby."

He looked up. "There's no music."

"I know a way we could remedy that."

He thought for a second and then the pin dropped. "Again. You sure must
like my voice."

"I don't like it. I love it."

"Alright. But don't get used to it. This song is for Kenny. And for us."

Let's drink a toast to what might have been To all that we were, but can't
be again And let's just be thankful we parted as friends Here's to the
past, let the future begin Oh, and here's to your wildest dreams And here's
to your everything May your life be blessed with sweet happiness Baby,
here's to your wildest dreams I made a promise that I wouldn't cry You go
chase your rainbows, go on reach for the sky But come hold me close now,
look deep in my eyes Tell me you love me, then kiss me goodbye Oh, and
here's to your wildest dreams baby And here's to your everything May your
life be blessed with sweet happiness Baby, here's to your wildest dreams
I'll always love you and I'm on your side In whatever you do, I will take
pride Baby, here's to your wildest dreams Dream on baby ~~~~~~~~~ "David
and Sam have prepared their own vows which they will read for you now. Go
ahead boys."

I was nervous as hell. Not Sammy. He always looked so together so sure of
himself. He took my hands in his and spoke.

"David. You know I'm normally shy about public displays of affection. But
you also know I never let a chance to say I love you go by. And I do love
you more than anything in the world.  You are my life now. You make me
happy. You excite me. You turn me on. You make want to be a better
person. You make me feel special and wanted. Loved and needed. I want to
spend the rest of my living days with you. I want to make you as happy a
man as you have made me. I want to kiss you, to hold you, to be with
you. But most of all. I want to love you."

I smiled through my tears. This man never ceased to amaze me. I started to
speak and knew I was going to get all choked up. I stopped, took a deep
breath, and then began.

"My Sammy. You don't know this because you're already asleep. But every
night I watch you.  Just watch you sleep. Sometimes it's minutes. Sometimes
hours. But I just lie there next you and watch you. And wonder exactly what
I did to get so lucky. To meet a man who I respect, a man I cherish, a man
I love. You can love so many things. A good steak, your favorite CD, your
car.  But all of my love belongs to you. You've stolen my heart and you've
stolen my love. I make a vow in front of all of these people to honor you,
cherish you, love you for eternity."

Pretty much everyone there seemed to be crying, including my father, and
that's a pretty rare occurrence. The minister was choked up to but finally
managed to get to the most important part.

"I now pronounce you husband and husband." He turned to me. "You better
kiss him now, before I do."

I smiled and did just that. We broke the kiss and turned to face everyone
there. Our first draft of the guest list totaled about two hundred
people. But in the end we decided on the people most important to us. My
parents, Isabel, Greggy, Joanna, and Mikey, who looked adorable in his
little vest.

Looking around I realized this was where I wanted to be. This was my family.

~~~~~~~~~

    "Some are preachers, some are gay, some are addicts, drunks, and strays
                    But not a one is turned away when it's family
          Some are lucky, others ain't, some are fighters, other fain
                    Winners, losers, sinners, saints, it's all family
  You choose your lovers, you pick your friends but not the family that you're in
                They'll be with you till the end, cause it's family."

~~~~~~~~~
Happy Holidays to all! And special thank you's to all my faithful readers.