Date: Tue, 6 Nov 2001 10:56:38 EST
From: RitchChristopher@cs.com
Subject: half-past-sunset,-an-hour-before-dawn-8
All rights reserved. Copyright held by the author. This is a work of
fiction containing explicit sex and graphic language. If you are offended
by such, underage, or live in a state or territory where literature of this
nature is unlawful, please exit now and read no farther....R.C.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"HALF PAST SUNSET, AN HOUR BEFORE DAWN"
by
Ritch Christopher
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Chapter Eight
"CARLA'S A WHAT???" Del screamed into the phone.
"You heard me," I said.
"Jesus Christ, Chris!" Del continued. "Why the fuck did you have to
pull that trick on Eric? Goddamn! I don't believe this!"
"I didn't do it." I tried to explain. "Charlene did it as kind of a
joke, knowing as we all did, that it wouldn't go very far. How was any of
us to know that Eric, who is your MARRIED brother would be brazen enough to
take anyone, let alone Carla, to a hotel? But I swear to God I DID NOT know
Carla was a guy until after she and Eric had left. You've gotta believe
me!"
"I'm trying to."
"Honestly, Del, do you think I would risk my life by subjecting it
to Eric's vengeance, just to play a dirty trick like that on him?"
"I suppose not...But then, he let on like he'd slept with
her. Maybe Eric thought I didn't know that Carla was a guy...WHICH I
DIDN'T!!. My God, Chris, Eric must've found her penis if he took her
clothes off."
"Hold on a minute! It's just possible that he DIDN'T find out." I
said.
"Whaddya mean?"
"I've heard about trannies that kept their secret from their
straight boyfriends for years." I said.
"Now how the hell did they do that?"
"Rear entry, babe! Rear entry and blow jobs."I explained. "I don't
think they were legitimate, but I saw this couple on the Jerry Springer
Show who claimed they got married...with a license and everything."
"I wouldn't buy that bullshit on that show!"
"Yeah, but think about it! Eric DID have a lot to drink...maybe
Carla gave him a blow job and he was so satisfied that he stopped before
they actually had intercourse."
"I suppose that's possible. It makes sense when you put it that
way. Goddamn! As well as I know my own brother, I KNOW he'd never go to bed
with a transvestite if he knew about it."
"Well, there you are...that explains it!" I said, relieved."The
thing IS...we can't let him go out with her tonight or ever again and maybe
he'll never know the difference."
"I know you're right about that...because IF HE DID find out, he
would kill you, me, AND Carla."
"I've got to reach Charlene and ask her to make Carla quietly
disappear."
"That's the best thing you've said!" Del exclaimed. "Eric's still
asleep, but when he wakes up, I'll make up some story that Carla called and
her mother had died or something and she'd have to go out of town for a
month or two."
"Fantastic!" I concurred. "At least I'll feel safer walking the
street, knowing that Eric's not behind me with a machine gun or butcher
knife."
"OK, guy, call me sometime after noon and I'll tell you what's
happened here. In the meantime, for God's sake, don't forget to call
Charlene."
"OK, babe, I'll call you around one o'clock. Be brave, this might
not be as bad as we think. Seeya!"
"Bye," Del said.
I pushed the disconnect button on the phone and hit number two on
my speed dial to get Charlene.
"Hello? Are you calling to say this is the end of the world?"
Charlene said, upon answering.
"No, darling, the world isn't ending just yet." I said.
"Then why do I feel like it?" She said in her deepest masculine
tone.
"Charlene, it's me, Chris."
"I know who I'm talking to, you fool. I was diagnosed with 'rule
out Alzheimer's' on my last physical examination."
"Charlene, I'm sorry to wake you, but do you think you can get hold
of Carla this morning?"
"I'd bet my life on it. All I have to do is reach out and touch
her."
"Whaddya mean? You mean, she's there?...At your apartment?"
"How else could I reach out and touch her? Of course she's
here. Eric dropped her off early this morning after their impromptu
tete-a-tete...that does mean head to head, doesn't it?...in Croatian or
something?"
"Did you and Carla talk when she arrived?"
"No, we lit fires and grabbed two blankets off the bed and sent
each other smoke signals! OF COURSE WE TALKED!!! Do you think I could go
to sleep without finding out all the lurid details of her rendezvous with
the mass dairy murderer?"
"Charlene, did she tell you what happened?"
"Just before she dropped off into a coma. Poor dear...God knows I
tried to revive her...but it was too late. She just sorta turned
over...and that was the end of her. I just can't wait to see her wearing
that black sheath in her coffin. She hated black...but there's no way she's
gonna stop me from dressing her in it...for all eternity."
"Charlene, what the fuck are you talking about? Is she all right or
isn't she?"
"She's asleep, darling...waiting on her seven midgets to stand over
her and jerk off white cummettes all over her naked body...Cummettes or cum
puffs? Which is it?"
"Jesus Christ, will you get serious for a moment?"
"Darling, I only get serious when I'm down on my knees or flat on
my back with my legs spread wide in the air."
"Am I gonna have to get in my car and drive over to your apartment
to find out how she is...and more important...what happened between her and
Eric last night?"
"No, sweetie pie, I'll tell you. When they got to the Alistair
Hotel, Eric opened an huge magnum of champagne...just for the two of them!
Can you imagine it?...A whole magnum!!!"
"And THEN what happened?"
"What do you think? They made love!"
"What KIND of love? I mean, who did what to whom?"
"Oh...that..."
"YES, THAT!...Well?"
"Chris, my dear, your 'maybe' brother-in-law was hornier than you
and I imagined...Eric yanked her panties off and did a tremendous muff dive
that got straight sixes from all the judges...and he sucked her cock!!!"
"HE WHAT???!!!"
"Eric went down on her...cock, balls, and all!"
"Good God! Did he know what he was doing or was he too drunk?"
"Oh, he knew...because he stopped midway through and asked her to
fuck him in the ass. Oh God, I hate to use such coarse words this early in
the day!"
"Charlene, I swear to you on our friendship that if you're lying to
me, I burn all all your wigs and report you to the NYPD for solicitation."
"Chris, honey, will you calm down for a second? Carla described to
me everything that happened down to the most minute detail...even how Eric
screamed when she plowed his virgin asshole. He has this little mole on
his..."
"All right! All right! I believe you! I get the picture! It's just
that it's difficult for me to believe that Eric would let down his guard to
a total stranger that he'd known for only a few hours."
"Honey, you're so gay, you don't understand the wiles of a wicked
woman!"
"God, Del is never going to believe this! I don't know whether I
should be the one to tell him or I should wait and let Eric tell him,
himself. This news is going to be quite a shock to him!"
"Babycakes, if it were me and Del was my love interest, I'd just
play innocent and let Eric tell Del what he wants or needs to know."
"Perhaps you're right."
"A girl always knows what's right!"
"The reason I was calling you was to see if you could ask Carla to
find a way to cancel the date that she and Eric had made for tonight. Now I
don't know what to do. Eric wanted Del and me to go to the Hat Box with the
two of them tonight. What do you think? I need help, friend!"
"If Eric was in control of his faculties, and I believe that he
WAS, I'd keep my mouth shut and go out with them. Then let nature take its
course."
"My God! What if Eric doesn't tell Del? I'd feel like a heel by
letting him stay in the dark about something everyone else knows already."
"Why don't you call Del later this afternoon and feel him out? Give
the two of them a chance to talk...like brothers. Then you can decide
whether YOU should be the one to tell him."
"Good idea! For the time being, please don't let Carla know that
you told me what you did."
"Honey, I'll be as closed-lipped as Dorothy Kilgallen."
"Charlene, Dorothy Kilgallen is dead."
"I know, silly. That's how closed-lipped I'll be."
"You nut!"
"There you go again, questioning my sanity!"
"Jesus! Sometimes I wonder why I put up with you?"
"Because I'm adorable and you love me!"
"I know and irresistible and beautiful and desirable and...
"PLEASE! That's enough! I can't stand to hear all those compliments
without having my make-up on."
"Go work your wonders with Estee Lauder and I'll talk to you later
on this afternoon."
"I no longer use Ms. Lauder's products. It's strictly Princess Nyla
cosmetics from now on."
"Well, whatever...Goodbye, Charlene...and thanks."
"Just call me anytime for an update on who's doing whom. 'Bye
darling."
I hung up, not knowing whether to laugh or take a Xanax after the
news I'd just heard about Eric and the Sleeping Beauty. The news was going
to kill Del! First of all he would deny it and secondly, he'd never believe
it even if Eric, himself, told him. One good thing about the occurrence, it
had gotten my mind off the impending appointment at the Health
Department. As serious as it had been yesterday and last night, it seemed
trivial today. I decided I wouldn't worry until I had all the facts. I KNEW
I'd always been careful where sex was concerned because I'd always treated
sex like a serious business. It took up half my time and had made up most
of my adult life. I was hungry for breakfast food, so I dressed and went to
the nearby Ham and Eggs, bought a newspaper and sat at the restaurant table
while I worked the crossword puzzle. Fourteen across needed a four letter
word for "fate". My first instinct was to write, "E-R-I-C" or "A-I-D-S",
but neither word seemed to fit. I settled for "D-O-O-M" and kept
going. That wasn't the correct answer, but it seemed to fit my mood better,
so I left it. I flipped over to the entertainment section to read the movie
reviews for films that had opened yesterday. A new Billy Crudup movie had
opened which I knew would make Johnny happy. It also meant that Charlene
and I would have to go with him to see it. I felt the presence of a figure
standing by my table staring at me. I looked up to see Brian, my man who
wore the "star".
"Any good movies opened?" Brian asked.
"Oh, hi, Brian. I don't know. I was just beginning to read the
reviews."
"I don't suppose you'd consider going to see one of them with me?"
he asked.
"Sure...I don't see why not." I replied.
"Pardon my saying this, but you always seem to be avoiding me, like
you had something pressing or there was someone in your life you were
afraid of being unfaithful to. Do you mind my asking, 'Is there'?"
"Yes and no." I said, "I have an 'arrangement' with someone, but
it's one of those 'on-again', 'off-again' situations...mostly, 'off'."
"And you're afraid that, by going out with me, you'd ruin whatever
there is of your relationship?"
"Something like that...Brian, please sit down, I need someone to
talk with."
"Sure, thanks," he said, taking off his jacket before sitting
down. The waiter came to take his order. He asked for a cup of cafe au
lait.
"Brian, I have a problem...or at least I THINK I have a problem and
I'd like to discuss it."
"Shoot...I'm all ears."
For the next fifteen minutes I talked, non-stop, about the letter
I'd received from the HD. He listened intently without showing any emotion
in his face until I was through.
"Is that it?" he asked.
"That's it."
"Well, I received a letter like that once. I worried about it for
over two weeks before I got the guts to go and have myself checked."
"And...?"
"It was nothing. Some college kid I had met, contracted spinal
meningitis and he'd turned my name in for possible infection."
"And did you have it?"
"Not a trace. I had a big shot of gamma globulin just to be
safe. But before I found out, I'd died a thousand deaths from a million
diseases I'd imagined."
"That's what I'm doing now."
"Chris, the important thing is to find out as soon as
possible...you know the adage, 'an early detection can mean an early
cure'."
"But what if I DON'T want to know?"
"Oh, I went through that feeling, too, but then, I weighed how much
my friends meant to me. I decided if I loved them and IF I had something, I
didn't want to run the risk of giving something contagious to them. That's
the unselfish thing to do."
"God, I'm glad I talked with you. You made me feel so much better
and not quite so scared...I owe you."
"Enough to go out to dinner and a movie with me?" he asked.
"I suppose, but let me set the date...when I'm ready."
"Your fear about HIV...do you think your friend has it?"
"I'm certain that he doesn't."
"Did you date a lot before him? I'm sorry for being so nosy. I just
want to get to know you better."
"Jesus, Brian, you don't want to know how many guys I've been out
with."
"Lots, huh?"
"Lots and lots...Sorry, I'm not painting a very desirable picture
of myself to you." I said.
"I find you desirable no matter how many guys there've been."
"Oops, now you're coming ON to me."
"I want to."
"I'll let you...only just...not now. I'll let you know when."
"OK, in the meantime, I'll keep you at the top of my jerk off
fantasies!"
"You're kidding!"
"Nope, I went home and jerked off thinking about you that first day
you drove into the filling stations."
"Damn, Brian! Don't you date much?"
"Nope. I'm very selective...maybe too much so."
"Maybe I'll stop by the station and give you a few reasons to
enhance your fantasies."
"Promises! Promises!...or so the song goes."
"You like Dionne Warwick?"
"I adore her. I've got all her albums AND the ones released on CD."
"Me, too...What's your favorite song by her?"
"'Whoever You Are, I Love You' tops my hit parade."
"Goddamn! That's MY favorite."
"You see. We have more in common than you think. Maybe fate wants
us to get together!"
"We'll see...I'll take that into consideration." I found myself
smiling and wondered about that possibility.
Brian picked up his tab and jacket and started to leave.
"I guess if that's all I can do for you right now, I'll be
leaving." he said.
"Brian, thanks a million. I don't think you realized how much
you've helped me with this talk."
"I think I have some idea...as I said, I went through the same
thing as you with the HD letter...and at the time, all I had was my mother
to talk with. Somehow I knew she'd never understand, so I kept the
goddamned thing to myself."
"You live with your mom?" I asked.
"I did...until she died last year. I lost my dad when I was
ten...no brothers or sisters...she was all I had."
"You live alone now?"
"Yeah. You?"
"For the time being. My 'arrangement' with my 'almost' significant
other has a 'non-committal' caveat attached to it. Neither of us wants to
give up out apartments."
"What part of town do you live in?"
"In the mid-eighties and Central Park West." I replied.
He whistled, "Tres chic. That's a little bit out of my league."
"That's the way I feel about his place on West End Avenue. Where do
you live?"
"I have a one and a half room walk-up on West 78th between Columbus
and Amsterdam. It was my mom's and was rent-controlled, otherwise I
couldn't afford it on a gas jockey's job. I'd like to invite you over but
I'm afraid there's nothing there to impress you with."
"I'm not so sure...you'd be there, wouldn't you?"
"Yep, just me and a 19" TV set. I do have a new CD player. So if
you're ever bored and feel like slumming, drop by. Oh, here, let me write
my phone number down for you."
Brian grabbed a paper napkin and jotted down his number. I suppose
I was rude to him, because I didn't give him my number...but that was out
of habit. I never gave my phone number to anyone. It just dawned on me,
that I wasn't sure if I had given it to Del. At any rate, I took the piece
of paper from Brian, thanked him again, and said goodbye.
I asked the waiter for another coffee refill and I sat there
continuing to look at the entertainment section of the paper. My thoughts
weren't on movies. I couldn't get Brian off my mind. He'd been gone less
that five minutes and I suddenly missed him. He was extremely good looking
but that's not what attracted me to him. To be honest, he was sexually
attractive, but that still wasn't it. It wasn't his intellect or what he
said, it was the way he said it. He'd sat across from me for almost an
hour. That's the most time we'd ever spent together, but somehow, I felt he
was truly concerned about me and my problem...as trivial as it might appear
to be, he knew it was upsetting me and he cared.
During the past seven years, I'd met hundreds of guys who looked
like Brian. With each of them, I'd find a way to get them into bed and be
done with them forever after just a few hours of sex. I all but fell head
over heels in love the night I'd met Del. He was attractive in every
way...charm, looks, intelligence, status, immaculately graced with poise
and manners. To me, Del was the catch of a lifetime of looking, longing,
and yearning...but then, why had I gone to bed with Max, the first chance I
had to be away from Del? I wondered if I would've done the same if Brian
had been in Del's place in my life? Del and Brian were so vastly different,
but yet so similar in many ways. Whatever it was that I couldn't put my
finger on, I was attracted to both of them...for different reasons. I had
told Brian my secret of a possible HIV infection and I couldn't bring
myself to mention it to Del. Why?
The most immediate matter at hand was whether I should or shouldn't
tell Del about Carla. Why was I being so protective of Del's feelings? If
we were lovers in the truest sense, I should be able to tell him anything!
But I couldn't! There was some kind of barrier between us that separated
our relationship from sharing. Hell! I could've told Brian about his
brother faster than two shakes of a donkey's dick! I was certain that I
must delve into my feelings for Del before our affair went any further.
I paid my check and left the restaurant. Coming down the street was
a police car driven by Max. His partner was with him. As the car approached
me, I put up my hand to wave at Max, but he focused his eyes away from me
and chose not to wave back. His partner waved at me in a friendly manner
though. God, I thought that gay life had reached beyond little things like
not speaking or turning you head to look the other way when you recognized
a fellow gay.,,especially one you'd had sex with. For some reason, Max's
ignoring me hurt me. Goddamn! Had I started carrying my feelings on my
shoulder like some wimpish fag? Monday was only 1 1/2 days away. Soon I
could be back at work with my students where I was king, but it seemed like
an eternity away.
The idea that I'd thought of myself as a wimp made me angry. I had
to prove my masculinity...my manhood. I would go over to Del's and confront
Eric and watch him squirm while I put the screws to him about Carla's
deception. I tossed a coin in my mind whether to walk, take my car, or flag
a cab. I opted for the first. I was in no hurry to get to Del's and that
was just another reason to walk. New York is so entrancing in Autumn. I
decided to take an out- of-the way detour and walk in Central Park. I
wanted to feel the wind, see the colored leaves and hear them crunch
beneath my footsteps. Everywhere I looked down the paths were guys, girls,
couples...both young and old, walking their dogs on leashes. It looked as
if the Westminster Kennel Club was having an outdoor promenade as I saw
every kind of dog from a chihuahua to a yellow Labrador and every size in
between. A stupid thought occurred to me while I walked..."Do people ever
walk their cats?" and "Do they make cat leashes?" The idea of walking a pet
in the park was so appealing I wouldn't've been surprised to see someone
walking their goldfish. There was a hum in the air. You could hear the
streets doing some kind of concrete exercises trying to rev up for the
soon-coming Macy's parade. The hills in the park were trying to soak up the
sunshine for they knew in a few short days they would be covered with
snow. There was something exciting that began on October 1st and lasting
through New Year's Day...Saturday college football games, the pros on
Sunday, Halloween Trick or Treaters, Thanksgiving. Christmas shopping, tree
trimming, Christmas, and New Year's Eve with the parties and bowl games on
the following day. Then after that, life in New York just sorta ends until
Spring and everything when everyone is rejuvenated.
I passed several guys on my walk, each of them giving me the
"secret" gay eye lock. No quotation was ever truer than, "It takes one to
know one." when it comes to gay guys. I'm sure there must be many books or
magazine articles about it...I'd never read one...but what was it that
makes a gay guy KNOW that the guy looking at him is gay? It only takes an
instant. You can be across the street in distance and the second that your
eyes click...it's something you feel, a silent communication, and somehow
you just know. Maybe if I ever decide to work on my doctorate, I could
write a thesis on the subject. 'Twas a pity I hadn't looked Carla in the
eye the night before to get a message or warning. I should've been mad at
Charlene...but what she had done WAS funny. She'd even pulled the old wooly
muff over my eyes and I'd taught myself not to be easily conned...by
anyone. As I exited the park, I hesitated for a moment wondering if I
should use the pay booth and call Del before going to his apartment. No, I
would "face the music" unannounced.
Del was surprised when I buzzed him to let me in. He was shaved,
showered, and showed no signs of being out so late the night before. Again,
I had put myself on the defensive. He looked great and I was unclean,
unshaven, and I was wearing the same clothes he last saw me in. I didn't
remember getting over one hour's sleep all night as I had been so
worried. My immediate reaction was to sniff my armpits to see if I smelled
rank...deodorant can only last for so long without a reapplication. I was
sure mine was stretching the time limit.
"Come in," Del greeted. "I thought you were going to call before
you came."
"I talked with Charlene after I called you. She and I had a most
interesting conversation in between her bitchy remarks...Where's Eric? Have
you talked with him yet?"
"No, he's only been awake fifteen minutes and immediately jumped in
the shower. I was going to fix him some brunch and have a little brotherly
inquiring conversation before you arrived."
"I'm glad you two haven't talked yet, because there's a couple of
things you ought to know about Eric's and Carla's wing-ding last night."
"Oh God! You mean there's more?"
"Jesus! We sound like a couple of old hens at a beauty shop." I
said,
"Well, this whole situation is like something out of a bad soap
opera...so gossiping about it seems appropos. So, tell me, what did
Charlene have to say? I suppose she's getting a big kick out of all of
this."
"When I talked to her, she was too hungover to get a kick out of
anything unless it was at least nine inches long and was attached to a New
York Jet...Any rate, you won't believe this, but Carla was in bed sleeping
beside Charlene when I woke her."
"You mean Eric dropped her off at Charlene's?"
"Yes, and that's why everything I have to tell you, Charlene got
'first hand' from Carla."
"Goddammit, Chris! What did she say?"
"Well," I began.
"Good morning, guys!" Eric said, interrupting me as he came from
the bedroom, still using a towel to dry his shampooed hair.
"Morning, bro." Del said.
"Morning." I said, so quietly that only I could hear myself.
"Are you hungry? I was about to make you something." Del offered.
"Famished!" Eric replied.
"You would be just a bit hung over, would you?" Del asked him.
"I was a little fuzzy headed when I woke up, but the shower did the
trick and I feel great now." Eric answered.
I wished for an instant that Charlene were here because I could
hear her next remark in my mind, and goddamn! I almost said it myself,
without thinking. I wanted to ask, ("Hey Eric, is your ass sore?"). But I
didn't relish the idea of being hurled off a balcony to the West End Avenue
concrete below. Instead, I innocently asked, "Did you have a nice time,
last night, Eric."
"Probably the most fun I've ever had in my life. I guess Del has
told you that we don't have clubs and festivities in Wisconsin like you do
in New York. The music was a little loud, but it was all part of the
evening fun."
It was bothering me that Del still didn't know about the details of
the sexcapade. He was still under the impression that Eric thought of Carla
as a real girl. I didn't want to see Del fall into a trap and at the same
time I didn't want him to say something, innocently, that might embarrass
Eric in the long run. So I thought I would try to control the conversation
and steer it clear of taboo subjects and direct it so that Del would
eventually "catch on".
"Eric," I began, "I hope you weren't too disappointed in Carla. To
be honest, I'd never met her before and I asked my two friends, Johnny and
Charlene if they knew of a nice girl that could act as your date. I don't
know where they found Carla...probably working in a boutique somewhere."
"No, I enjoyed her company, immensely...but, no, she doesn't work
in a boutique, she's an entertainer and performs several times a month at a
club called, 'The Hat Box'. She earns just enough there to pay her rent,
food, and monthly bills." Eric replied matter of factly.
"Oh?" Del piped in, "Did she entertain you last night." Del
realized he had phrased his remark the wrong way and tried to cover his
faux pas, "I don't mean ENTERTAIN you, I meant, did she sing, dance, or do
a number for you?"
("She did a number ON him"), I thought. "I don't believe she
mentioned being in show business last night. But, then, I didn't talk with
her very much."
"You SHOULD!" Eric said, "You and Del should both get to know her
better. Perhaps you can when we all go out together this evening...You DO
know about that, don't you, Chris?"
"Huh?..uh..oh..sure, Del mentioned it to me and I told him I'd have
to check my calendar first."
"You mean a schoolteacher keeps a social calendar for Saturday
evening activities?" Eric replied, with just a slight edge of sarcasm I
picked up on.
"Oh yes, there's always something," I said, putting on
airs. "There's always some Broadway opening, the Governor's Ball, or a
simple cocktail party for the Fortune '100' at Beekman Place...or sometimes
I go to leather bar and watch all the guys get on the tables and piss on
each other." God! What made me say that? Yeah, I was steering the
conversation, all right, right off the bridge into the East River. Del
decided to come to my rescue...or was it HIS rescue?..Or was he trying to
rescue his brother?
"Eric, I think there's something you ought to know about Carla
before you go out with her again tonight."
"Del, I know ALL about her that I want to know." Eric replied. "I'm
only going to be in New York for a few days, so we don't have to hire a
detective to run a background check on a girl I want to go out with, have a
few drinks with, and share a little fun with."
"But, Eric..." Del tried, once again. "Did you know that Carla..."
"Has a dick between her legs?".Eric finished Del's sentence. "YES!"
"That's what I was trying to tell you, Eric!! You mean, you KNEW?"
Del exclaimed.
"Of course." Eric said.
"That's what I've been trying to tell YOU, Del!! He knew!!" I
exclaimed, topping both of their voices.
"Oh, MY GOD!!" Del stood there with his mouth wide open, shocked
with disbelief.
"Del, get a hold on yourself." Eric told him. "You're not a woman,
You're a man! You're my brother, and you needn't look like you need some
smelling salts."
"But Eric," Del said baffled. "You're STRAIGHT! Don't tell me
you've jumped the fence and turned gay while I was away from you."
"No, I am NOT gay."Eric said, emphatically.
"But, you went to bed with a man...a DRAG!"
"Eric, Carla is NOT a mere drag. She's a transvestite...a lady of
the evening. She makes her living entertaining and pleasing straight guys
like myself."
"But how did you know what to do?" Del asked, humbly.
"You should know! I taught YOU, didn't I?"
I was about to pee all over myself but I wouldn't leave the room
now if the piss ran down my legs into my shoes.
"NOW!" Eric continued, "What ELSE do the two of you want to know?"
"Nothing, Eric," I said, "the prosecution rests."
"So does the defense," Del added.
"If we have all that settled, can the four of us go out on the
town, tonight, and enjoy ourselves. I mean, I'm willing to escort Carla
with two gay guys...by brother and his...'friend'. Eric said, smiling. I
relaxed because I could see he was joking now. "However," he continued, "if
the night progresses and we should come back here for a night cap, I don't
venture us having a 'foursome' because I don't go to bed with men."
There was about a three second pause before we all burst into
laughter. Del and I looked at each other and envisioned ourselves shaking
our heads, but neither of us moved a muscle.
"I have another idea," Eric spoke up, "Chris, why don't you call
your two friends and have them join us?"
"Johnny and Charlene.?"
"Who else?"
"Eric, in a precarious situation such as we're apt to be in this
evening, I don't think you're ready to get to know the real
Charlene. There's no telling what she would have to say...God knows, she
could embarrass ALL of us."
"Look, Chris," Eric interrupted, "I want this to be a fun evening
and the more mirth, the merrier! Please call and invite them!"
"OK, if you insist."
"I'm CEO, and I insist!"
I went into Del's bedroom, closing the door behind me to call
Charlene. I stood there with the receiver in my hand, saying to myself,
'Six Nytol tablets wasn't enough to kill me, I wonder if I should stop at
the pharmacy and buy a couple of bottles just in case the night turned out
to be as unforgettable as I feared. I was sure I'd have to kill myself
after Charlene's caustic wit got through with Eric. My hand trembled as I
dialed her. I wasn't sure if it because of how hilarious or how horrible
the night might be. The phone rang ten rings before Charlene answered.
"Reetz Spa, Googie Gomez, spikking. Wha con I do for chu? Dju like
a lettel massage perrrrrrhapz?"
"Hi Googie, this is Chris..."
"OH! Chrrris-TOH-pher! I con do whot for you?"
"You can CAN that terrible accent to start with." I said.
"How else am I gonna do a Carmen Miranda number unless I can talk
like her."
"Why don't you forget if and do Marlene Dietrich instead."
She lowered her voice, "Dahlink! I dun't do men!!"
"I called to tell you that I'm at Del's and Eric's?"
"And just how IS Dorian Gray?...Get the picture?"
"Everything is fine here. Eric told Del everything."
"Everything???"
"Well, almost, he didn't go into stereo-optic details. But he said
enough to make Del and me relax because of your prank. You know, I should
never speak to you again," I kidded.
"Then you would have NO woman in your life. Every man needs at
least one!"
"At least you're not the type that menstruates once a month and can
be pregnant when you don't." I said.
"Lawdy, Miss Claudie, God knows, I've been trying for years!"
"If you will just hush a minute! Eric wants to take you and Johnny
out on the town tonight with Del, Carla, and me."
"I didn't know the Elks had their meetings on Saturday night...or
is it the Moose or the American Legion?"
"I'd like to send you to the Foreign Legion sometimes."
"Oh, no! I'm not going to stand in line just to suck a
cock. Besides, I've heard their anuses are shaped like escargot! I knew a
Russian sailor once whose cum was black like caviar...had little lumps in
it. I refused to eat it without those little pieces of triangular toast."
"Goddammit! You ditsy queen! Are you and Johnny free tonight, or
aren't you?"
"I wouldv'e said 'yes' if you hadn't used the word, 'free'!"
"Are you 'available' then?"
"More than likely. Don't tell me that Eric has gone through 'the
great change'?"
"No, he still thinks of Carla as a woman. He's says he's straight
and wants to date her as such."
"And what does he think of me as...a loser on 'The Gong Show'?"
"No, my love, he wants you and Johnny to go along and be
yourselves."
"Oh, I DO hope my combat boots still fit me!"
"Dress nicely, but don't overdo it. Don't do the Princess Grace bit
with the tiara and beaded gown with a long train. You know, something soft
and feminine."
"Well, I do have that red satin number split up the side to my ying
yang. Or I could wear what Grace wore in 'The Country Girl'..a high-neck
black house dress with a gray cardigan, black flats, horn-rimmed
glasses,and my hair up in a bun...with a net! I don't know what colors she
wore because the movie was in black and white. Ted Turner didn't get
around to colorizing it yet."
"Why don't you think, 'Donna Reed' or 'Loretta Young'?"
"Then I could waltz through the door with miles and miles of
chiffon covering twenty-five crinolines! Don't worry, Doll! I know how to
dress and I WON'T embarrass you!"
"That would be a first!"
"There's a first time for everything. How do you want Johnny to
dress...in white coveralls? In case Eric finds some cows on Park Avenue
that need to be milked?"
"Johnny knows what to wear. I don't have to worry about him."
"Have you ever seen Johnny in drag?"
"No, and I don't want to start tonight!"
"He looks just like Barbara Rush...or sometimes, Barbara Bush!"
"Can we pick you, Johnny, and Carla up at your place, say, around
eight?"
"We'll be ready, darling."
"I just hope I am...Goodbye, Charlene."
"Bye, love...are you sure you don't want Googie to give you
massage??"
I hung up he phone before I replied. I went back into the living
room to join Del and Eric.
"It's all set!" I announced. "I told Charlene we'd pick the three
of them up around eight."
Eric looked pleased. Del, on the other hand, had a strange frown on
his face.
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
(to be continued in Chapter Nine)