Date: Sun, 30 Nov 2003 22:20:57 -0800 (PST)
From: TJ <tj4two@yahoo.com>
Subject: I Wasn't Looking

My story is true, no fiction at all & stated as it really happened.

I attended the local U.S. Swim & Fitness (Jokingly referred to as; Swim &
Pickup), 2 to 3 times a week, and on this particular evening (this evening
changed my life incredibly, to say the least), around 6'ish, I had finished
my upstairs workout, running, some equipment workout and headed to the "Wet
area" to enjoy relaxing in the steam room & Jacuzzi.  Prior to this evening
I was feeling real down, about my job, my failing marriage, my financial
stress, and had just gotten out of work, went home (Staying with my mother)
changed and headed to the gym with nothing on my mind, but escaping all of
these distressing factors.  I was dealing with a marriage that was in the
process of ending, my employer was starting to play games with my income
level, and my finances were starting to dwindle.  I loved my wife, but was
not "in love" with my wife, and I felt like she was trying everything she
could to make our marriage fail, she had changed, in so many ways and I
couldn't understand why.  She was and still is a beautiful woman, and an
awesome mother to my 3 beautiful kids and I will always love her for that.
During our long 23 year marriage, I had felt feelings of passion for other
men, i.e.; be that in fantasy and their presence, yet I buried these
feelings, solely on being faithful to my wife & "proper upbringing", while
not dealing with my own needs and desires.  When the marriage was in legal
process of dissolving, the gym was my escape, both physically &
emotionally.

Getting back to "this particular evening" at the gym, in the wet area was 1
or 2 other people, I sat & soaked in the hot Jacuzzi, wearing only my swim
suit, when I was looking about the room, I could see the faint figure of a
man in the steam room, and decided to go in and set down for a moment and
hopefully strike up a conversation, as I was bored sitting in the Jacuzzi.
Knowing that most people are not as forward or friendly as this New York
City boy, I cautiously entered, said; "Hello, how are you?" he politely
said "great and yourself", I said "whipped from the day and needing to just
unwind".  As the steam cleared a little, I saw him more clearly and
realized what a handsome, cute, sexy & pleasantly nice person with a
beautiful smile, he was.  I was in a straight marriage for so long, that my
gay feelings hadn't surfaced for a very long time, yet when I saw him look
at me, the juices began to flood my emotions and I just felt so calm in his
presence.  At that time, my gaydar was nothing, so my ability to tell if a
man is gay or straight, to this day, still alludes me, but when he looked
at me, I felt a stirring in my swimsuit, and my heart began to beat very
hard.  After a minute or so, I couldn't take the heat of the steam room any
longer & my overheating libido, and walked out saying; "have a good
evening, it was very nice talking with you", he said "you too", then I
headed back to the Jacuzzi to soak some more, minutes later he came out of
the steam room, and came over to the Jacuzzi, and sat down.  We started
small talk again, i.e.; Weather, etc... when I finally introduced myself,
"Hi, I'm TJ" (not my real name, but a name I adopted to use, when meeting
strangers), he said his name is; "Jay" then the conversation led to his
visiting his parents for the holidays, and that he would be going back home
around the first of January, I stated I lived here and had traveled many
times to his home state.  We seemed to really enjoy talking to each other,
getting to know about his home state, his likes & dislikes of the weather
in his home state, etc...  I talked a little about my living here since I
was 15 and growing up in New York and my likes and dislikes of the weather
there and other conversation points.  We really seemed to hit if off, he
told me he would be coming to the gym in 2 nights around the same time, and
I made it point to let him know I would look for him and hopefully continue
our friendly conversation and get to know each other better.  I absolutely
loved his eyes, they are beautiful medium brown in color and show immense
life, expression & emotion in them, they are beautiful, as well as the rest
of him, looking at him made me flood with comfort & excitement.  To coin
the phrase; "He had me at hello", he was just so real, not fake, he was
pleasant, personable & I needed to get to know him, so you can only
imagine, how much I made sure I showed up in 2 nights.  I thought of him
those next 2 days, of his looks, his beautiful eyes, his smile, his whole
being, and would be lying if I didn't tell you, that I fantasized about him
sexually, yet I still didn't know his sexual preference.  When I arrived at
the gym that night, I looked for his truck, that I saw him get into when we
left 2 nights before, and my heart sank when I couldn't see it in the small
parking lot, I almost turned around and left, when I thought, how stupid
are you? Go in and workout, run & steam, he might still show up.  I saw him
in the dressing area, when he must have just arrived, my heart started
pounding as though it was getting ready to jump out of my chest, he was
changed & started going into the wet area.  I said; "hello, how are you?"
he smiled and looked at me enthusiastically saying; "great and how are
you?" I just wanted to hug him and say, it is so nice to see you again, but
didn't want him to run away, or say something like; get away you fag or
something like that, so I calmly went to my locker and undressed, quickly
putting on my swim suit to catch up with him as he was going into the wet
area.  We sat silently in the steam room and then starting chatting a
little more, then I watched him go to the Jacuzzi, I followed and said; "I
will join you, and we can talk some more, if that's okay with you", he
said; "great", smiled back at me and sat down in the hot Jacuzzi.  We
finally started to get to know each other more intimately in conversation,
to the point that I said to him; "since you are going back in few days, may
I buy you something to eat at the Denny's, next door?" he said; "you don't
need to buy, but sure that sounds great I can always eat something".  When
we got dressed after I had completely scanned his naked body in the shower,
I realized I loved every part of this man.  Jay was around 5' 7", with a
perfectly well toned, no body fat build & not to mention a very nice cock &
ass.  I was 5' 10" and 140 lbs, and very little body fat.  I know he liked
how I looked, because I was blonde, blue eyed and in fairly good shape,
because he periodically checked me out in the shower as well.  We put our
things in our cars, and proceeded to the Denny's at the other end of the
parking lot by the gym.

After we sat down, he looked at me and when I looked directly into his
eye's, at that moment I knew I loved him & liked everything about him, I
wanted him in my life, if only for a friend, yet I knew inside this may or
may not be, because he lived 2500 miles away from me and to be friends with
him may be only by long distance friendship, but regardless I needed him in
my life.  I wasn't looking for a lover, and had no girlfriend nor was I
looking for a companion, I wasn't looking for anything but to get to know,
good people.  We exchanged telephone numbers, I told him; "my number is
toll free at work, so please call", he said; "he would when he got back
home".  We spent at least 2 hours sitting across from each other in the
restaurant, discussing many personal details of ourselves, and during this
talk I had learned of his sexual preference, which made me hard in my
shorts, and more desires of his affections.  I paid for dinner, and we
started walking out of Denny's, he said; "My parent's home isn't far from
here, would you like to take a ride with me and let's get to know each
other, a little more intimately?"  I swallowed hard and said; "sure", and
realized I was going to be intimate with this man, that knows more about
being gay, than I have even thought of, yet I so wanted it to be with him,
I was willing to learn from him.  We walked to his parents car, he drives
when he is in state visiting, I sat down in the passenger side, watching
his every move, he had such neat mannerism's, and I felt totally at ease
with him.  He drove for a short distance, into the area of his parents
home, drove past their home, pointed at it letting me know that's his
parents home and then kept driving, all this time I am wondering where he
is taking me or what his intentions were.  He stopped at the top of a hill
that overlooks the area with a beautiful view of the city lights, turned
off the engine, put his hand on mine, and he leaned over to me, took my
head in his hand and gently kissed me, while our hands began exploring each
others chests, legs and eventually crotches, then we lowered our shorts,
(it was a dimly lit area) and started exploring each others body's with our
tongues and hands, and the next thing I know, I am tasting his beautiful 7"
cut cock, for the first time.  I was rock hard, so was he, and he sat back
while I slowly, and gently started to take his hard cock deeper into my
mouth.  I had only sucked a man's cock one other time, and that was briefly
and in a heated moment, but this was different it was pure sex with that
man, but it was more with Jay, he smelled & tasted so good, and being with
him this way seemed only natural for me, and he seemed to enjoy my efforts,
he then gently pulled me from him and leaned over and down between my legs,
and gently licked, tasted and sucked my cock.  I cannot put into words, how
wonderful this time with him was, and I only knew that my pleasures were
his pleasures and vice versa.  We both got over excited and stroked
ourselves, until we came violently from this very exciting time together.
We kissed some more, and I told him that was so unbelievable, and that I
just so hated the thought of him leaving in a few days, and he told me that
he had not been with a man since his breakup with his lover, and that this
was very good for him.  He told me that he really had enjoyed our brief
time together, and he hated the thought of leaving as well.

Days passed, and I was frantic, because I had misplaced his telephone
number, and kept drilling my mother, of whom I was staying with, if I had
gotten any calls from Jay.  She said "no", and I just felt empty, lost and
confused, because my head and heart told me that I had fallen for this guy,
and then reality hit me, I started thinking maybe he didn't feel the same
as I did for him, yet when we parted that hot exciting night, he indicated
otherwise, that he felt as I did.  I went to work, the following Monday,
Jay would be flying home that day, and I couldn't call him to tell him that
I wanted him to be safe, and that I really enjoyed getting to know him.  As
I sat at my desk at work, the company receptionist called me directly and
said there is a Jay on the phone, could I take the call, I said in a rushed
tone; "Yes, please put him through".  When I answered the phone & heard his
voice, I felt as though all of my problems and worry's had been silly and
wasted effort, because he called me before he left, that answered my
concerns.  He sounded so good, yet he was cautious of what to say, and I
had to be the same, but I told him that he is welcome to call anytime, and
chat, and if I am not available, what number did he want me to call him
back?  I had to admit that I had misplaced his telephone numbers, and if he
would give them to me again, he teased me and said; "typically a blonde
thing", I laughed and told him that was nothing compared to the many other
things I do.  He laughed and gave me the numbers, and told him that I would
be in the office on Saturday, and will call him at home or work, he said he
would be in his work on Saturday as well, and said he would call me when it
was convenient for him to talk.  We chatted more, and then had to say
goodbye, but before the call ended I told him that I valued his friendship,
and was sorry I hadn't called him before he flew back home.

Every night after work, I rushed home to see if he had called and my mother
said no, and he hadn't called my cell phone, so I just anticipated the
upcoming Saturday, with fantasy and desire to talk with him more
intimately.  Every night, when I went to bed, I stroked my cock thinking
about him, and our hot heated night together on the hilltop, and I would
cum explosively to complete exhaustion.  My every thought of him, when
work, family & friends were not present, was exciting, erotic & eventually
explosive with my orgasm's, to close each passing day.  Saturday morning
came so slowly, but finally arrived, and when he called the ability to talk
dirty, passionate and be ourselves was well worth the wait.  We had long
distance sex, stroking our cocks while talking to each other, and talked
about how much we needed each other, and how we were having feelings of
love and this went on every Saturday, and on Sunday's I would call him from
my cell phone at his home he would answer, and we continued our erotic &
exciting long distance relationship.  He would tell me how he was laying
naked on his couch and would in detail tell me what he was doing with his
hands, while I sat at my desk with my shorts at my ankles stroking my hot,
hard cock, and I would do the same thing explaining what I was doing with
my hands.  I called him from a phone booth, down by a park I hiked at a lot
and would literally be standing there, within view of any passersby,
clearly showing my rock hard erection in my shorts.  I called him from
behind a 7-11 store, completely naked in the shadows and cum for him, he
cum for me 2 times during that call, and I was completely mad about our
conversations and mad about him.  We talked of my coming to visit, and he
offered to buy me the plane ticket, if I wanted to fly out for a weekend to
spend with him and no interruptions or phone sex, damn how that made me
rock hard, wet with pre-cum and horny beyond belief.  I bought my ticked,
packed my weekend luggage and took the shuttle to the airport.  The flight
was long and tedious, because of my impatience to see him, hold him, kiss
him & make love with him.  He said he felt the same way, when I arrived at
the airport, but he had no idea how wonderfully excited I really was; yet
he was exuding the same feelings on the drive to his apartment.  I kissed
him in the parking garage at the airport, I kissed him in the car, when no
one was around, I kissed him the minute he opened his apartment door.  I
held him so close and silently thanked the heavens for this moment, he
quickly showed me the apartment, as I pulled at his pants & pinched his
cute butt.  When he introduced me to his sweet little cat, we seemed to be
instant friends, as though his cat knew I was a good person, and good like
his master.  We went into the bedroom and slowly undressed each other,
touching, kissing, and feeling each other's bodies, we sighed, moaned and
with heavy breath, laid naked against each other for the first time.  We
kissed while holding each other tightly, then explored each others body's
and tasted each other, head to toe.  Jay smelled wonderful, tasted
delicious and when we made, mad feverishly erotic passionate love that day,
it was the most pleasing, and satisfying sex I have ever had.  I asked him
to make the clock stop, so this moment would not end, but in reality we got
dressed, and went to get something to eat.  In this small town he lived in,
I must have been the new face, a stranger to the citizens, as I was being
looked at from every eye in there, later Jay told me it was because of my
blonde, blue eyed looks and gorgeous tan & that I was so different than the
locals, they couldn't help but stare.  He drove around showing me around
the area, and took me to meet his sister and her kids of which I hit it off
immediately, his sister and I had chatted in previous calls to reach him,
and it seemed as though we had known each other all of our lives, yet were
strangers and didn't know it.  She treated me so kindly, and welcomed me
into her home and her kids, his Nephews and Niece, talked to me, bragging
about their great accomplishments as kids have it.

Sunday came to quickly, meaning I only had one more day with him, so I took
advantage of the opportunity to taste him, feel him & make love to him, as
much as he would allow or needed himself.  It was so absolutely exciting,
just being in his presence, he made me feel so good about myself, my life
and my efforts to come that long distance to be with him.  I expressed to
him that he made this entire "new discovery of gay life", to me seem
natural and normal, and that my need to do this with him was our destiny.
He drove me to the airport the next morning and we both had tears in our
eyes, because we didn't want this to end, yet we knew I had to get back
home to my job, family & life, and he needed to do the same there with his
life.  I was so blue and depressed on the flight back, that the long flight
didn't matter; I needed as much time as I could to reflect on this
fantastic weekend we had shared together.  I called him to let him know I
had arrived safely, and we continued our long distance, erotic, phone sex,
dirty talk and passion for many calls to come.  I told him that I could not
live without him, that my marriage is over, my kids are grown enough to
survive, my job sucked and I hated being there without him. One day I got
brave with him on a call, expressed my love for him and asked him if he
would welcome me as a guest and hopefully we could develop into a couple,
he seemed unsure, and just getting over his previous relationship, he was
skittish about committing to another one, let alone one where we barely
knew each other.  I pushed hard to convince him to give it a try, I told
him I didn't want to be here anymore, and that if I can't be with him, then
I would go back to New York, against my desires, for awhile and work there,
but had to get away from my now crazy ex-wife and my lousy job.  I finally
forced his hand after many calls to him & he cautiously and hesitantly gave
in, but told me I could not hurt him, that he couldn't take being hurt
again (He is so tender, fragile & good, only the best person deserves him).
I assured him that I was also taking a risk of having my heart torn out of
my chest, if he did the same thing to me, so we agreed, I would buy the
ticket (He bought the ticket) and be at the airport at the designated time
& area.  I went home, told my mother that I was going to another state to
stay with a friend for awhile, she went ballistic, not even knowing about
my feelings for Jay, assuming it was another woman, to destroy my life.
She had expected me to go to New York with her in a few weeks, not where I
told her I was going alone without her.  She went into her room and called
my oldest brother (Executor to my father's sizable estate), in another
state and told him what was going on, that I supposedly yelled at her and
that I was making a big mistake.  Because of her call to my arrogant,
cocky, condescending brother, this is when all hell broke loose.

Now a little brief history of that in just a few words; My brother flew in
the next day and screaming & yelling ensued, he threw my clothes out into
the garage floor and told me to get out, that I was worthless, a family
embarrassment & that I was disinherited from my fathers estate.  My pompous
brother did this, while my mother stood there and watched him do this to
me, so enough said about that.  The next few weeks were long, tedious and
hard, I went to stay on my ex-wife's couch, stayed with friends and
sometimes slept on my office sofa, just counting the days until I would fly
to my new friend & lover Jay.  My life was hell during this waiting period,
yet in my calls to and from Jay, I found enough strength to hang on hard &
fast.  If he hadn't accepted this offer or if he changed his mind, I was
prepared to go back to New York, stay with my cousin Mike, get a job and
settle there for a while, until I decided what I needed to do with my life.
Finally that morning arrived, I awaited the airport shuttle with only 2
pieces of luggage that contained as much of my personal belongings I could
get into them, realizing that the rest would be left behind, for my kids to
do with it what they felt necessary.  My eyes filled with tears as I
watched my home fade in the distance, knowing that one day, I would be back
to see my kids for visits and holidays, etc... I wasn't leaving them
permanently, yet I knew I would be gone for a lengthy period, but my kids
would be fine, as they are getting older (19,17&15), and have founds things
to do with their own lives.  They are strong, talented & great kids, and it
hurt to know that I wouldn't see them for a while, yet I had plenty of love
for them (I know they love me) to carry me through this.  I stood at the
airport, numb, legs shaking & unsure of what I was doing, yet, when I
thought of Jay, I felt calm and ready to go.  My ex-wife knew I was going
out to stay with a friend, we had talked the night before and understood it
as "escaping my claustrophobic surroundings & my terminated relationship
with my overbearing mother and asshole brother."  She had remarried shortly
after that and is now living her new life with her husband.  When I got
onto the plane, the door closed, I said a little prayer to my kids, my
mother, my friends & Jay.  I committed myself to make this happen,
successfully, to give to Jay as much love, attention, compassion, respect
and vowed total devotion to him.  The plane landed, and as I walked down
the gangway, I looked out the windows to see if I could see Jay in the
terminal windows, he was not visible.  When I finally got inside the
terminal, there he stood smiling, this beautiful man, this man I had now
come to love and traveled far to be with, I knew he wanted to hug me as
hard as I wanted to hug him (But we didn't because it would look gay).  We
collected my luggage, quickly headed to his car, sat down and passionately
kissed.  From that day on, we have been together 6 years, and still feel
the strongest love, respect, passion and friendship for each other.  We are
proud of surviving the "ups & downs", the "lean & mean times" and every
night when I lay naked against his naked body, in our bed, I still feel as
excited, horny & passionate as that spring day, 6 years earlier.  I know we
will grow old together, I truly love you Jay, and sincerely thank you for
being this incredible, remarkable guy that swept me off my feet, even when
I wasn't looking.  Love TJ.