Date: Wed, 12 Dec 2001 13:58:21 -0800 (PST)
From: Mark Stevens <rustynail920@yahoo.com>
Subject: In the Direction of Happiness - Part 7
The following is property of the author. Permission to post
is granted to Nifty Archives.
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Any similarity to
individuals, living or dead, is pure coincidence. Do no read
this story if man-to-man romance or sex offends you. Do
not read if you are underage according to laws in the
country, state/province, county, city/town/village or
township where you live.
This is a love story. I've attempted to create a tale where
the characters are involved in living life to its fullest.
Although sex is part of this story, so are romance, pain and
self-realization.
Ever since I was a little boy I've loved the Spanish
language and the traditional Mexican culture. I suppose
that's why I've chosen to incorporate the language into my
story. I ask both your forgiveness and your indulgence for
any atrocities that I may have committed in the writing of
this lovely language. The effort has forced me to call all
the way back to the two years of Spanish I studied in high
school, which in my case, was more than a few years ago.
I wish each of you a wonderful holiday season.
Whatever your traditions or beliefs, this is certainly a
time to remember the sanctity of all life and enjoy the
wonderful richness of diversity.
Happy Holidays,
Mark Stevens
IN THE DIRECTION OF HAPPINESS - PART 7
Chapter 20 - Friendship
That evening I had a phone call from Sarah. The police
had released them from protective custody and she was
calling from her home. "How are you Steven?" she asked
in a voice filled with emotion.
"I'm feeling much better. How are you and Miguel? I've
been worried about you. I wanted to talk with you but Brad
explained that it wouldn't be wise until the police knew for
sure that you would be safe."
"We're fine. We feel badly for you. Brad explained what
happened. You nearly died and your lovely nursery was
destroyed. How can we ever repay you for all you've
done?" She was crying and I could tell her sensitive heart
was aching.
"Don't cry, I'm doing great. The nursery is already back
to normal. Your intuition was correct. You said we'd help
each other and we have.
You helped me discover who I am. I can now accept
myself, just as I am, without reservation or shame. I feel
like the weight of the world has been lifted from my
shoulders. And I was able to help you and Miguel too.
Gilberto will never trouble you again. I think this calls for
a celebration. Don't you?"
"Oh yes, yes. What a great idea. When can we get
together?" Sarah sounded like an excited little girl. I
couldn't help but smile.
"I want you to meet Mark. He leaves on Wednesday. Do
you think we can get together before then?"
"Sure. Just tell us when."
"Let me talk with Mark. Hold on a minute."
I called to Mark who was working at the kitchen table. I
explained our idea and he was totally agreeable.
"Can you come to our house tomorrow evening? I'd like
to have a few of my friends join us. Let's make it an
informal dinner party."
"Oh what fun. We'll bring all the food." I didn't want her
to go to a lot of trouble but knew it was senseless to object.
I'd already experienced Sarah's powers of persuasion.
Monday afternoon Sarah and Miguel arrived with
Eduardo and his sister Lupe. Mark and I walked outside to
greet them as they were getting out of an older model
Chevrolet station wagon. Sarah literally ran when she
spotted us on the front porch. Throwing her arms around
me she laughed and cried at the same time.
"I'm so glad to see you," she said while kissing my cheek.
She hugged me again before turning her gaze toward Mark.
"Ay, que machote!" she exclaimed. "You're even better
looking than Steven said." Mark was about to speak when
she pulled him into a tight hug. By the look on his face I
could tell she had again worked magic. He was enchanted.
"Hola Steven," Miguel called. He and Eduardo were
removing an assortment of bags, pots, pans and an ice chest
from the back of the car. Mark and I walked over to help.
Miguel pulled me into an embrace and affectionately kissed
my cheek. "Oh mi amigo, are you okay?" He asked while
looking intently into my eyes.
"I'm fine, and happy to see you Miguel. Let me introduce
you to Mark."
The two men shook hands and I noticed Mark's eyes light
up as he quickly scanned Miguel from head to toe. The six
of us managed to carry all of the provisions into the house
in one trip.
In no time at all Sarah had completely taken charge of the
kitchen and the meal was being prepared. Eduardo left the
ice chest on the front porch and told us that it was filled
with soft drinks, beer and some homemade specialties.
Sangria I had heard of. A fruity alcoholic beverage made
with red wine. Horchata de arroz was the unusual drink I
was offered at Eduardo's home. He called the third
concoction, tamarindo. It's made from the pulp of the
tamarind fruit and like the horchata, it is served icy cold. It
is very refreshing. Tart, with a distinctive flavor. Miguel
returned to the car and retrieved his guitar. A festive
evening was sure to follow.
Mark took me aside. "You shouldn't have carried those
bags into the house. Are you feeling okay?"
"I'm fine babe, they were light. I'm being careful."
"This is going to be an interesting evening," he said. "I
can see why you became friends with Sarah. She's
delightful, and what a gorgeous smile."
"I saw the way you looked at Miguel. What do you think
of him?" I asked.
Mark grinned. Wow, he's hot. Didn't you tell me he's
Gay?"
"Yes I did. Want to have a three-way?" I asked,
pretending to be serious.
His countenance dropped. "No Steven, I don't. You're the
only person I want."
Mark hung his head, taking my `off hand' remark
seriously. Mark's appearance is so strong and masculine I
sometimes forget just how sensitive he is, and how easily
he can be hurt.
"I love you Mark. You're all I'll ever want or need. I was
just kidding, you big old fur ball."
"I'll admit it, he did catch my eye, but that's all. I've
spent my entire adult life having sex. One partner after the
next and never satisfied. I was insatiable. Now I
understand that I was trying to fill a deep hollowness
created when my dad left.
But you've changed all of that. For the first time in my
life I'm sexually satisfied. I belong to you sweetheart. I'm
all yours - only yours. I hope you feel the same way about
me."
"Of course I do," I said while hugging his strong,
handsome body. Do you think they'd miss us if we slipped
into the bedroom for about an hour?"
"Probably, but I sure wish we could."
He was smiling again. That's Mark in a nutshell. He
wears his feelings on his sleeve. Although he may have the
occasional bout with jealousy, he's totally loyal and doesn't
have a mean or judgmental bone in his body. I loved him
more at that moment than I thought possible.
Other than my brother, everybody we invited to our little
celebration accepted. Gary and Dan arrived first. They
spent most of the evening holding hands and gazing into
each other's eyes.
Brad and his wife Grace arrived next. Grace is absolutely
beautiful. Tall and stunning, she moves with an elegance
that fits her name. She has honey colored hair with pale
blue eyes. Her light complexion seems to glow from
within. Her personality is equally captivating. I'm
guessing she's close to Brad's age yet she has a timeless
look. I was immediately reminded of Galadriel, the elegant
Elven Queen in J.R.R. Tolkien's, 'The Lord of the Rings'.
Karen and her husband arrived last. I was surprised that
Bill came at all. In the many years that Karen has worked
for me I had only met Bill on three or four occasions.
Karen always maintained that he is shy and doesn't like to
socialize, and that very well could be true, but I also felt he
was uncomfortable with my sexuality. I never flaunt my
sexuality and rarely discuss it with anybody. But Karen
certainly knew of my deep love for Mark and I'm sure she
must have discussed that fact with her husband. The few
times we met he usually said little and seemed uneasy.
Tonight he appeared more relaxed and was soon laughing
with everybody else.
The wonderful aroma coming from the kitchen had filled
the house. Lupe, Eduardo and Sarah were preparing a
feast.
"They've been cooking since yesterday," Miguel told me.
"What are they fixing," I asked?
"Eduardo ground his own corn and has made tortillas de
maize. He has prepared three wonderful salsas; verde,
picante and a thick paste made from Chipotles, which are
smoked Jalapeno peppers. Most of the vegetables are from
his garden."
Lupe made tamales, both chicken and beef. Sarah
prepared her favorite New Mexico style Sopapillas and has
been simmering chile verde since yesterday. And, of
course, rice and beans. The meal will start with avocado
salad and quesadillas. And, as if that is not enough, they've
made an assortment of pan dulce and flan for dessert. We'll
all have to diet for weeks. I sure hope everybody is hungry.
They've brought enough to feed a small village."
"It all sounds delicious but I wish they hadn't gone to so
much trouble," I said.
"It's no trouble at all. You have to understand how we
Mexicans think. We love life and we celebrate with food,
music, and love. We believe that everyday should be a
celebration of life and friendship. We're happiest when we
are eating, surrounded by the people we love. And Steven,
we love you very much and hope to remain friends for a
long time. Maybe, after dinner, I can teach you a
wonderful song. It's called 'Gracias a la Vida' and it
means, 'thanks to life'."
"Thank you Miguel. I'd like that very much. Speaking of
love and life; now that Gilberto is out of the picture, are
you going to get back together with Randall?"
"Yes. He will be moving to Los Angeles very soon.
Other than Randall, there is no reason for us to return to
New Mexico. L.A. is our home. I have a very good job at
the country club and my boss is willing to interview
Randall. He may have a job for him."
I draped my arm around Miguel's shoulders and told him
how happy I was for him.
"Living with the person you love makes all the difference
in the world," I said. "Everything has new meaning for me.
At last I'm able to share, even the little things, with the
object of my affection. I couldn't be happier."
I thought about my experience in the bathroom the day
before, when taking a leak took on a whole new
significance. I considered telling Miguel but wasn't sure
how he would respond, so I didn't say anything. Besides,
he had already lived with his lover. There was probably
little that I could tell him that he hadn't already
experienced. Other than my parents and brother, Mark is
the only person I've ever lived with.
"I really like Mark," Miguel said. "He has a very gentle
spirit, doesn't he?"
"Yes he does. You'd never know it to look at him though.
Because he is so ruggedly handsome I sometimes forget
just how gentle and sensitive he is."
"He is very handsome. He took my breath away when I
first saw him standing next to you on the porch."
"He felt much the same way about you Miguel. If I
remember right, his exact words were: 'Wow, he's hot'."
"Well, I'm flattered," he said shyly. "We are lucky men,
are we not?"
At that moment Sarah made an entrance into the living
room. She had evidently brought a change of clothes.
Every head turned as she announced that the food was
ready to be enjoyed. She was now wearing a beautiful,
full-length black skirt that was slit on one side up to her
hip. Her loose fitting turquoise blouse was pulled down
over each shoulder. Around her narrow waist she wore a
black leather belt fastened by a large silver buckle. Her
coal black hair tumbled gracefully across her shoulders
accentuating her graceful neck and lovely breasts. Her feet
were bare and a deep red rose adorned her hair.
Her beauty was not lost on anybody, especially the men.
Brad's eyes lit up when he saw her and Bill stood frozen,
with his mouth wide open. Mark's eyes were ablaze with
fire and for a fleeting moment I worried that, once again,
I'd lost him to the straight world. My fear was unfounded
however. He saw me looking at him and silently mouthed,
'I love you sweetheart'.
Dinner was delicious and wild. Everybody was hungry,
happy, and completely uninhibited. The craziness started
with Dan and Mark. A small, cherry tomato had fallen
from Dan's salad bowl and was sitting on the tablecloth.
Without thinking he was rolling it around with his finger
while looking intently at Gary. Mark was watching Dan
with mischievous eyes. When Mark finally caught Dan's
attention, he put his hands together on the table and
simulated a goal post. Dan grinned, and pretending the
tomato was a football, he snapped it in the direction of
Mark's goal post. He didn't score. Instead, the tomato shot
past Mark and hit Brad square on the nose.
Brad's face was stern. As Dan began to apologize, a wry
smile turned the corners of Brad's mouth and, quick as
lightning, he flung an avocado wedge at Dan. A wild and
glorious salad fight ensued and even the normally reserved
Gary got involved. We laughed ourselves silly.
We ate, drank, laughed and talked for hours. Finally full
and totally satisfied, we moved to the living room. It was
time for music. Miguel got his guitar and he and Eduardo
began singing. The first song was delightful. It is called
'De Colores'. We all learned the simple Spanish lyrics and
joined in the singing.
Miguel indicated that he wanted to teach us a favorite
song, 'Gracias a la Vida'. Written by Mercedes Sosa its
lyrics are a beautiful testimony to life and all of its joys and
sorrows. It seemed fitting for the evening.
"Gracias a la vida que me ha dado tanto
me dio dos luceros que cuando los abro
perfecto distingo los negro del blanco
y en el alto cielo su fondo estrellado
y en las multitudes el hombre que yo amo.
Gracias a la vida que me ha dado tanto
me ha dado el o¡do que en todo su ancho
graba noche y d¡a grillos y canarios
martirios, turbinas, ladridos, chubascos
y la voz tan tierna de mi bien amado.
Gracias a la vida que me had dado tanto
me ha dado el sonido el abecedario
con ^Âl, las palabras que pienso y declaro
madre, amigo, hermano
y luz alumbrando la ruta del alma del que estoy
Gracias a la vida que me ha dado tanto
me ha dado la marcha de mis pies cansados
con ellos anduve ciudades y charcos
playas y desiertos, montanas y llanos
y las casa tuya, tu calle y tu patio.
Gracias a la vida que me ha dado tanto
me dio el corazon que agita su marco
cuando miro el fruto del cerebro humano
cuando miro el bueno tan lejos del malo
cuando miro el fondo de tus ojos claros.
Gracias a la vida que me ha dado tanto
me ha dado la risa y me ha dado el llanto
asi yo distingo dicha de quebranto
los dos materiales que forman mi canto
y el canto de ustedes que es el mismo canto
y el canto de todos que es mi propio canto.
Gracias a la vida, que me ha dado tanto."
Miguel translated for us and I found the lyrics remarkable.
It is a sensitive tribute to the frailties and strengths of the
human condition. The song celebrates the singing of
crickets at night and canaries during the day. Lauding the
turbine engine, storms, kingdoms and the tender voices of
loved ones.
One verse particularly touched my heart:
Thanks to life for giving me so much,
that I can distinguish between happiness and loss.
Thanks to life that allows me to sing.
Chapter 21 - The Frailties of a Man
The evening passed quickly and soon it was after
midnight. Strong bonds of friendship were forged that
evening. Each of us came away with different impressions
yet all of us came to understand what Miguel had told me
earlier. Everyday should be spent celebrating life and
friendship.
Mark and I were exhausted. We decided that cleaning up
the house could easily wait until morning. We washed our
faces, brushed our teeth and tumbled into bed. Lying side
by side we talked about our life together.
"I can't bear to leave you on Wednesday," Mark said
sadly. "We've begun our life together and I want to be by
your side - always. How can I leave you now?"
"I don't want you to leave me. Everything is different
now that we're together. Little things, like making
breakfast or planning my day, have become so important to
me. I'm beginning to understand what partnership really
means. More than romance and sex, it's the daily living
together that holds so much meaning. Have you ever
noticed how we never run out of things to talk about? I
love that about you babe. You are so wonderful to talk
with. December will be very lonely for me."
"I can't wait to be married to you. I know that we'll
encounter people like your brother, or worse. It wouldn't
be honest to say that I don't care - I do. But considering all
that we've been given - those people are insignificant. God
has already joined us together. Our wedding will be a
celebration of what God has already done. I love you so
much sweetheart."
It was odd listening to Mark talk about God. He had
always been the engineer and scientist with little room for
spirituality. Now he spoke of God freely. Somewhere or
somehow God had become part of his life. Lying there in
the darkness with my head on his strong, hairy chest, I
thought of Eric, the young man that had requested prayer at
a Connie Latham meeting. I hoped that he had found a
man like Mark. A loving man in whom he could find
solace amidst life's trials. I prayed that God had restored
his soul and kindled a living faith, free of the legalism and
self-righteousness that the church had tried to impose upon
him
"Sweetheart?"
"Yes."
"I'm glad we decided to wait until our marriage before
having intercourse."
"So am I."
"I think about it all the time. I long to feel you inside of
me. `And the two shall become one flesh'. I want to be one
with you."
"Sometimes you amaze me."
"How so?"
"You're quoting the Bible and talking about God. Where
did this come from?"
"It's always been there. I just never paid any attention
until lately. It took falling in love for me to understand
what is really important in life."
His tenderness and newfound peace had become obvious
in everything he did. Always thoughtful, he now seemed to
radiate serenity.
"You're just full of surprises my big ol' engineer 'cum'
preacher.
"Stick it Steven."
"Whenever you're ready babe.
I think about making love.I mean, really making love,
every day," I said to him.
"You know it's going to hurt at first. It will probably hurt
a lot. But I don't care." There was vulnerability in his
voice that was compelling.
"I know it will hurt, but only for a short time. I think the
pleasure and intimacy will far outweigh the pain. Actually,
I've read a lot about it."
"Reading more porn?" he chuckled.
"Yes, but more importantly, I've been reading about the
prostate gland. When the prostate is manipulated the
sensations can be extreme."
"I know that when you use your finger it sure feels good,
but I don't think you've hit my prostate yet," Mark said.
"Have you tried to find your prostate yourself?"
"I've tried, but I don't think I've found it. I don't know
what I'm looking for. Besides, it doesn't feel as good as
when you do it."
"I've not been able to find mine either. I'm glad to hear
that you've had the same trouble. I was beginning to think
I didn't have one."
Once again he pulled me into a deep embrace and we
kissed for a long time. I finally pulled away and looked
deeply into his eyes.
"Mark, I need to ask you something, but I don't want you
to take it the wrong way."
"Uh oh. Have I done something wrong?"
"No, not at all. We've already talked about this but I
guess I still need reassuring. Bear with me, please. "
"Sure."
"Do you think you might miss having a woman in your
life? I mean, you're bisexual. I guess I am too, but not like
you. I definitely prefer men. Tonight, when Sarah walked
into the room, your eyes were blazing with desire. I want
you to know that doesn't bother me at all. I really do
understand. I just worry that I might not be able to satisfy
all of your sexual desires. You've done nothing to make we
worry, it's my own insecurities working overtime.
"I've thought a lot about that. At one time I couldn't go
for longer than a few weeks without a woman. I didn't
think I could be happy without pussy. But as my love for
you grew deeper, I realized that you have everything I
want. And don't forget, men have always turned me on
too. I just never acted upon it.
I still find women very attractive and a small part of me
fantasizes about them. When a truly stunning woman, like
Sarah, walks in the room, I notice. But the truth is, I've
never had a satisfying sexual relationship with a woman.
My own pleasure always came first. We'd have wonderful
but shallow sex and then it would be over. I'd usually be
asleep within moments. I'm ashamed to admit this, but
I've gotten off and fallen asleep with my cock still hard and
inside of Barbara. Pretty selfish and superficial on my part,
don't you think?
With you it's so different. I never want it to end. My
greatest joy comes when I pleasure you. Besides, my
fantasy life now centers mostly on sex between men. I
rarely even think about having a woman involved. I want
you to believe me Stevie. When I tell you that you are all
I'll ever need, I mean it."
"Thank you. I do believe you. Just promise me that if
you ever feel differently you'll talk with me about it. I
don't ever want you to feel sexual frustration. We can
work out any problems as long as we communicate our
feelings. Okay?"
"Okay. I can't see that ever happening, but if it does, we
will work it out together. Thanks for being open with me
about your concerns. It doesn't matter to me that we've
already talked about it. If you need reassurance I'm happy
to give it to you. After all, you've been patient with my
jealousy."
"I love you so much Mark."
Pulling me into his arms he softly whispered into my ear.
I'll never forget the words he spoke to me that night. They
are forever etched in my heart and are indeed the very
essence of my continued joy. Beyond romance, Mark took
me to a place I never dreamed existed. I can't begin to
explain it, but for me there are times when the line
separating the physical from the spiritual becomes blurred,
and I'm not quite sure which side I'm on. So it was that
night, as the man I would spend the rest of my life with,
held me in his arms.
We didn't have sex. Our conversation was so deeply
intimate even the best sex would have been anticlimactic.
As usual we fell asleep holding each other.
My brother called early Tuesday morning. He asked if he
could come over and talk with us. Of course we agreed and
it was decided he would join us for lunch. I was working in
the greenhouse when he arrived. I heard his car drive up
and I called to him from the front door.
"Kevin, I'm in the greenhouse, come over here." He
slowly walked in my direction. As he approached I looked
closely at his face. It was unreadable. He no longer
appeared angry yet he certainly didn't look very happy.
"Hey bro, " I said cheerfully. "I'm glad you're here."
I decided to be bold and attempt to give him a hug. I was
greatly relieved when he returned my embrace. He held me
longer than I expected and I could sense he was in the
throes of a weighty problem.
"Kevin, what's wrong?" I asked.
"I need to talk with you and I'd like Mark to join us. But
first I need to apologize to you. I know I hurt and
embarrassed you on Saturday. My behavior was selfish
and childish. I can be such an insensitive asshole. I'm
sorry. Please forgive me. I want to be part of your life,
whether I understand it or not."
"Of course I forgive you Kev. You're my only brother
and I love you. My announcement must have been quite a
shock. Having your fears about me confirmed was more
than you were prepared for. If our positions were switched
I don't know how I would have reacted either. I wish I'd
had the courage to be honest with you years ago."
"It's just so hard for me to understand. How can you
stand being a fag?"
"I'm Gay, Kevin, not a fag. I'm a homosexual man.
You're a heterosexual man. Neither one of us has any
control over that. Our upbringing was identical and we
shared many of the same experiences yet, in many ways,
we turned out differently. It's been a hard road for me but
I've finally come to understand that there's nothing wrong
with me.
I want to ask you an important question. How old were
you when you decided to be straight?"
He looked at me puzzled.
"I never decided to be straight. I just am."
"I never made the decision to be Gay. I just am. Hear me
out for minute, okay?
I don't expect you to understand my sexuality. I don't
understand it myself. I have no idea why I'm this way. I
tried so hard to be straight. I begged God to make me
'normal'. I'd buy Penthouse magazines and stare at the
women, willing myself to get hard. Page after page of
beautiful women yet nothing would happen until I chanced
upon an advertisement with a handsome man in the photo.
You can't imagine how distressing that can be to a young
person. I was in constant turmoil and my self esteem
plummeted. I felt like a freak, an outcast, worse than a
criminal. And that continued for years. Who could I talk
with? Who would understand? And what is really
pathetic, I truly believed that one-day, I would be 'cured'.
Homosexuals are hated within their own ethnic and
religious groups. Just think about how difficult that can be
for a boy or girl facing adolescence. Other minority groups
can draw support from each other. If you're a Black man
struggling with prejudice, you can draw support from your
brothers and sisters. But if you're a Gay Black man, where
do you go when family and friends reject you? Women
have finally found their collective voice and have made
progress in their struggle to be accepted in the male
dominated workplace. Women support each other and that
is part of the reason they have been successful. But to
whom can the young Lesbian turn when all of her
girlfriends reject her? How many Christian churches will
welcome an openly Gay couple into their fellowship? You
can be a Black Christian, a Hispanic Christian, even a
Jewish Christian. But what about a Gay Christian? Think
about poor Miguel. Gilberto and his macho thugs wanted
to kill him because he was an embarrassment to his
machismo culture.
Kevin, if nothing else, think about this. One third of all
adolescent suicides are committed by Gays and Lesbians.
Growing up is hard enough without having family, friends,
churches, and governments telling you not to be yourself.
The pressure and confusion can be overwhelming. Gay
bashing is on the rise everywhere. Simply holding hands
with your lover can be a death sentence if noticed by the
wrong person. Life for homosexuals can be a very lonely
and too often tragic.
Under these circumstances, who would choose to be Gay?
Sadly, most of us aren't given the choice. Some scientists
believe that sexuality is genetically based. I don't know if
that is true or not, but I do know this; I didn't choose to be
Gay. I just am. Nobody should be forced to live a lie and
that's exactly what I was doing. I can't do it anymore."
Kevin had screwed up his face into a grimace. I could tell
he was thinking about matters he'd never considered before.
After a few moments he spoke.
"I'm sorry bro. I didn't know how hard it was for you. I
had no idea. Everything always seems to work out for you.
You've really made something of yourself and I've always
been so proud of my big brother. I guess I wasn't ready to
admit that my brother, the man I look up to the most, could
possibly be a Gay."
"Well I am, but I'm the exact same man I was before you
found out about my orientation. Nothing has changed. Can
you handle this?"
"Yes, and I'm proud of you."
"I'm proud of you too Kev. I always have been. What'a
ya say we find Mark and have some lunch?" I thought it
time to change the subject.
As we walked toward the house he threw his arm over my
shoulder.
"I'm so glad we're friends again," I said lightheartedly.
Mark was in the kitchen heating the multitude of leftovers
from the night before. He'd set the table and even picked
the few flowers he could find blooming in the nursery and
placed them in a vase on the table.
"Honey," I said. "Ya shore been a good little wife. Y'all
what I call a keeper. You be taken mighty fine care of yer
man. Keepin' yer face so pretty an' fix'n all my meals. Get
your pretty little butt over he'ah and give yer man a kiss."
Kevin began to chuckle as Mark leered at me and flipped
me off.
"Hey, Mark," Kevin said warmly.
Kevin walked up to Mark and for the first time in my
memory gave him a hug. Mark smiled sensing that Kevin's
earlier hostility had seemingly passed.
"Before we go any further," Kevin said to Mark. "Let me
tell you the same thing I told Steve. I'm so sorry for my
behavior on Saturday. I was a complete idiot and I'm
asking for your forgiveness."
"All is forgiven and forgotten Kevin. Nothing more ever
needs to be said about it."
"Mark, I've always liked you so much. I've been jealous
of your relationship with my brother for years. How I've
wanted a friend like you. A real friend, not like the jerks
I've hung out with. Well now that you and Steve are, well,
more than friends, can I be your friend too?"
"Of course you can. Actually, as far as I'm concerned,
you're my brother now. We're family."
They hugged again then sat down to eat. Over lunch
Kevin told us about the many problems he was facing. The
more he spoke the more I felt badly for him. He'd really
gotten himself into a mess this time.
"I guess mom told you that I lost my job and Brenda left
me."
"Yes, she did. What happened? I thought you and Brenda
were really happy. You were talking about marriage not
that long ago. She didn't leave because you lost your job
did she?"
"No. It's all my fault. I don't know what's wrong with
me. Will I always be so damn stupid?"
He had stopped eating and put his head in his hands. He
was miserable and not far from tears. Mark gently put his
hand on his shoulder.
"Brenda is pregnant. We were both really excited when
we found out. We planned to get married as soon as
possible. My life was finally moving in the right direction.
The girl of my dreams was going to have my baby. We
were going to be a family. I was happy. For once in my
life, I was truly happy. Shit, that was short-lived.
Four months ago Triple E Construction finally signed a
contract to build the new shopping mall in Glendale. To
celebrate, my boss threw a big party at his house. Brenda
didn't want to go because she was feeling tired. I was
disappointed and we had an argument. So I went to the
party alone and of course I got drunk. One of girls in
purchasing, her name is Joanne, starting flirting with me
and I flirted back. Joanne is really a good-looking girl.
She's just my type. Long dark hair, petite, perfect tits
and..."
He stopped talking for a moment then said, "sorry guys, I
guess you wouldn't be interested in those details."
"I WOULD!" Mark exclaimed enthusiastically while
winking at me.
"Just continue with your story Kev," I said. "Ignore
Mark." I returned his wink.
"I was drunk, flirting with a sexy woman, and angry with
Brenda. All the ingredients for disaster had come together.
After the party we went to her apartment and had sex. I
went back to my place early the next morning with a
massive hangover and new reasons to hate myself. How
stupid could I have been? I called Joanne and apologized
for what I had done. She told me not to worry about it and
promised it would remain our secret. Trusting Joanne and
not wanting to hurt Brenda, I never told her about it.
Three weeks ago Triple E Construction lost the shopping
mall contract and one third of the staff was laid off. Both
Joanne and I lost our jobs. It couldn't have come at a worse
time with Brenda pregnant and our upcoming plans for
marriage. Brenda took the news better than I did. She was
supportive and optimistic that I would find work.
Steve, the day before you were attacked, I got a call from
Joanne. She's sobbing so hard I can barely understand what
she's trying to say to me. She finally calms down and guess
what? She too is pregnant and I'm the father. Isn't this just
typical of how I do things? I get two women pregnant and
I don't have a fucking job to support either one of them.
I confessed to Brenda and she left me. She intends to
keep the baby but wants me totally out of her life. Joanne
is also planning to keep the child and she wants financial
support. She wants to remain friends, even get together,
but I don't love her. What am I going to do?"
I was at a loss. I didn't know what to say to my brother. I
wanted to comfort him but didn't know how. Looking at
Mark's face I could tell that Kevin's problems were striking
close to home. With his own sad childhood and the
circumstances that led to his marriage to Barbara, I knew
Mark would be in a position to help Kevin. Even if it was
nothing more than lending and understanding ear.
Kevin spent the rest of the day with us and he and Mark
talked most of the time. Mark told him his own story
without omitting any of the details. Mark echoed the advice
that I gave him long ago. He encouraged Kevin to figure
out what was best for himself. He couldn't help anybody
unless he first helped himself. He also encouraged him to
give Brenda a chance to work through her anger and hurt.
All might not be lost. Time has a way of healing even deep
wounds.
By the time Kevin left I could tell he was feeling better, or
at least encouraged. We walked him to his car and he
thanked us warmly, giving each of us a long hug. Mark
gave him his phone number in Spokane and encouraged
him to call anytime.
Chapter 22 - 'Tis the Season
That night, while lying in bed, we finalized plans for our
wedding. We were in total agreement about everything.
The ceremony would be held in the nursery on February
10th. We had wanted to be married at Red Rock Canyon
but the weather was too unreliable. The canyon is cold in
the winter and hot in the summer. Early Spring would be
ideal but we didn't want to wait that long.
Gary would officiate. Since Mark likes the traditional
wedding vows we decided to follow that format with some
minor alterations. Only very close friends and those who
would support our life together would be invited. As a
result the invitation list would be small:
Gary and Dan
Barbara and Carl
My parents
Mark's mother
Barbara's parents
Patrick and Melissa
My brother
Dr. Cartwright and his wife Carol
Brad and Grace Sloane
Eduardo and Lupe
Sarah Ortiz
Miguel Ortiz and Randall Brown
Karen and Bill Vernon
Vickie Reynolds, my cousin
Marks sister Kathy and her husband Grant
We had sex before finally drifting off into a world of
peace and contentment. We'd deal with the sorrow of
parting tomorrow.
We awakened early and made love once again. We spoke
very little to each other. Words weren't necessary. I drove
him to the airport and we said goodbye in the busy
terminal. Tears ran unashamed down our cheeks and for
the first time we embraced and kissed publicly. Everybody
stared, some with disapproving looks but most with
genuine smiles of understanding. I stood at the terminal
window and watched his plane taxi slowly to the runway.
As it began its ascent I thought of an old Elton John song.
"Daniel is traveling tonight on a plane
I can see the red taillights heading for Spain.
Oh, and I can see Daniel waving goodbye
God it looks like Daniel, must be the clouds in my
eyes.
Lord I miss Daniel, oh I miss him so much."
Silently singing that song, I walked to my car alone, yet
knowing in my heart, I'd never be alone again.
Fortunately I had much to keep me busy during the month
of December. I always take advantage of the slower winter
months to do a thorough cleaning of the nursery. I also
spend considerable time analyzing the business and look
for areas that can be improved. Mark will be a big help
evaluating the efficiency of the business.
I've always enjoyed the Christmas season and over the
years have created my own 'traditions'. Although I've lived
alone most of my life I always put up a Christmas tree and
decorate the house. On Christmas Eve I usually make a
secret visit to family members and close friends. Since I'm
able to buy Poinsettias in bulk, I'll quietly leave several of
the festive plants on each of their doorsteps. Often I'm
caught in the act and invited in for something warm to
drink and everybody seems to have an ample supply of
cookies and cakes. It's a special time for me and I'm
always very happy.
I enjoy making my own wrapping paper. I'll buy large
rolls of butcher paper and cans of spray paint. In autumn,
when the leaves are starting to turn color and drop, I'll
gather and dry them. I also save pine needles, seedpods,
acorns and flower stalks. A couple of weeks before
Christmas I'll gather together all of my holiday CD's, pour
myself a glass of Brandy and move everything out to my
workshop. With the butcher paper laid flat on the
workbenches I'll place some of the less colorful leaves on
the paper and use them as stencils. I'll spray paint over the
various leaves. Sometimes I'll use gravel, wood chips or
whatever I can find to create interesting patterns. The
result is usually colorful and unusual. When the paper is
dry it's time to wrap the presents. Once wrapped I'll use my
glue gun to attach the leaves, seedpods and whatever else
I've collected to the tops of the packages. I never use bows
or ribbons.
My business has been very successful and for that I'll
always be grateful. I've worked hard and made many
sacrifices to ensure its success. Yet over and above
anything I've done, I truly believe that I've been either
lucky or blessed. Each year the profit margin has
increased, often considerably.
It's a good thing. I love to give presents, especially at
Christmas. I usually pick up items all year long and save
them for the holiday. I find it's so much easier to shop that
way. I don't like purchasing on demand or at the last
minute. When I see something I know a particular person
will enjoy, I'll buy it and save it.
A preliminary estimate indicated that profit for the year
2000 would exceed 1999 by over 25%. 2000 had been a
wonderful year for me and I wanted to share my newfound
happiness and good fortune with those people that I love
the most. So I went on a decadent and totally joyous
shopping spree.
I remembered that Carl had been interested in the new
Global Positioning Systems. I found a GPS that was
designed specifically for your automobile. It came
equipped with a 5 x 6.5" screen and an up-to-date Metro
Guide CD-ROM and blank 8MB cartridge allowing you to
use a computer to download to your GPS a map of any area
in the United States.
For Barbara, who has always enjoyed photography, I
found a state of the art CD recording Digital Camera.
Barbara has a sweet tooth, although you'd never know it to
look at her. Her body is as close to female perfection as
you'll find. So, to brighten her year, I enrolled her in a
'dessert of the month' club.
I was particularly excited about Patrick's gift. I want one
for myself. A full-featured wireless weather station. The
system will measure wind speed and direction, indoor and
outdoor temperatures, indoor and outdoor humidity,
dewpoint, barometric pressure and precipitation. A sensor
link will update information every 2.5 seconds.
Melissa was a bit of a challenge. Knowing how much
she loves music, especially boy bands, I found a micro
stereo/DVD desktop console. This system allows you to
listen to CD's or the radio and watch movies and music
videos on DVD without having to switch to a different
component.
Gary and Dan were easy to buy for. Gary has long
wanted a laptop computer. The ideal tool for the writer
who travels. I also bought him an Army Air Corp Leather
Flight Jacket that I knew he'd look really hot in, especially
if he wears it without a shirt on. For Dan, who has never
owned a computer, I found a desktop computer equipped
with everything I knew he'd enjoy, including a printer and
scanner. I also purchased a year of Internet service for him.
I found exciting gifts for my parents and brother, Mark's
mom, Barbara's parents, Miguel and Sarah, Brad and
Grace, Karen and Bill, and Eduardo and Lupe. I had never
spent so much money or had so much fun doing so.
I found very personal cards for Dan and Karen. Without
those two, the nursery would not be the success that it is.
I'm so very grateful to both of them. To thank them for
their excellent work, they each received bonus checks.
Karen $2,500 and Dan $5,000.
I thought long and hard about Mark's gift. Mark is the
epitome of strength and masculinity yet his heart is so
sensitive - a rare and wonderful combination. Knowing
that Mark didn't have the resources to purchase extravagant
gifts I didn't want to hurt his feelings by giving him
something expensive. Yet I wanted to give him the entire
world. I was faced with a real dilemma and vacillated until
the last minute.
One morning, just days before Christmas, I awakened
early knowing exactly what to buy him. Mark and Barbara
own only one car. They always juggled their schedules so
the car would be available to the one who needed it the
most. I knew that Mark had planned to leave the car with
Barbara and would need transportation when he arrived in
California.
Ever since Toyota introduced their full size Tundra Pickup
Truck, Mark has dreamed of owning one. That morning,
filled with excitement, I went to the Toyota dealership in
the Santa Clarita Valley and purchased a beautiful new
Tundra in his favorite color, Hunter Green. I knew he'd be
thrilled yet probably object at the amount of money I spent.
That was okay. I could stress the practicality of the gift.
After all, I was driving my old and still dented Tercel.
We'd need a reliable vehicle, wouldn't we?"
I had mailed all of the gifts destined for Washington two
weeks earlier. At the time I sent the parcels, I still hadn't
decided on Mark's gift so I enclosed a note in a rather
suggestive Gay greeting card. On the front of the envelope
I wrote in bold letters, 'For Mark's eyes only'. My note
read:
My dear Mark,
Throughout this wondrous season,
when hearts and minds recall.
The birth of one so lowly
in a dirty manager stall.
A man who in his wisdom
embraced all men the same
And never in His heart of hearts
another would disdain
And my heart too is humbled
each time I think of how.
That poor wayfaring Shepherd lad,
continues giving now
For deep within your eyes I see
how each and every day.
His gift of love is present
in all you do and say.
So now we're down to counting time,
when together we will be.
And on that very special day,
my gift to you you'll see.
I love you Mark.
Merry Christmas,
Steven
P.S. Does the picture on the front of the card give
you any ideas?
Christmas morning I opened the many gifts and cards that
I had received. I was deeply touched by the generous
outpouring of love from my many friends. As I was
finishing my second cup of coffee the phone rang.
"Merry Christmas," I answered.
"Merry Christmas sweetheart," Mark's tender voice sent
my heart racing.
"You can't begin to imagine the pandemonium taking
place around our Christmas tree. We've opened the
presents you sent. Thank you for making my family so
happy. You spent a fortune on us."
"I love you and your family so much. What I gave is a
small token compared to what you've given me. You've
given me the gift of happiness Mark. How can I ever
match that? But, I'm glad everybody is happy with their
gifts. I had a great time shopping for them. I just wish I
could have sent your gift to you. I hope you don't mind
waiting until you get home."
"It seems we've waited all our lives. What are a few more
days? We've gotten pretty good at it, don't you think?
Besides, I already have what I want. All I want is you
sweetheart."
"I'm all yours babe. I'm really going to enjoy the presents
everybody sent. Please thank them for me."
"You'll get your chance, they all want to talk with you.
Before I let you go I need to ask you something. Will you
be home tomorrow?"
"Yeah, I'm expecting a large shipment of fertilizers and
soil amendments. Why?"
"Because I'm sending a man over to see you."
"Oh really. I hope he's cute."
"I don't know, I've only spoken with him over the phone.
He's got a nice voice."
"Okay Mark, I give. Why is he coming?"
"I can't tell you. It's a surprise. Just be patient my love."
"Well I guess that's only fair. Whatever you're up to,
thanks. I know it will be very special. I just wish you were
the man coming to see me tomorrow."
"I will be very soon and I'll never leave you again. Well,
everybody is clamoring to talk with you so I'd better go."
"Mark, just one more thing. Did you know that Carl sent
me a subscription to Playgirl magazine?"
"Yeah. He wanted to do it as a joke but was pretty
nervous that you might be upset. I assured him that you
would love it. Probably too much."
"I gotta tell ya Mark, Mr. January has really got me
worked up. You better get here soon. Merry Christmas my
love. Goodbye for now."
"Goodbye sweetheart. I love you too."
I spoke with the entire clan for over an hour. By the time
I hung up the phone my heart was overflowing. Afterward
I cleaned up and headed over to my parents for breakfast.
Kevin was there and feeling better about his life. He'd
found a new job. It didn't pay as well as his previous one
but it offered better benefits. He even called Brenda to
wish her a Merry Christmas and she agreed to meet him for
coffee so they could talk.
I had dinner with Gary and Dan. I met them at Gary's
home and we had a wonderful evening. Once again Gary
out did himself in the kitchen. He prepared a very
traditional Christmas feast. He roasted a goose and stuffed
it with an oyster dressing. I'm not sure Dan was thrilled but
I found it delicious.
Gary and Dan had fallen deeply in love. I could tell that
they would spend the rest of their lives together. Dan
informed me that he would be moving in with Gary after
the first of the year. He also assured me that the move
would not impact his job. Pasadena is a good 45-minute
drive from my home but there is rarely heavy traffic.
We talked well past midnight and our conversation took
some interesting turns. I learned a lot about their
relationship and just how they felt about Mark and me.
"Unless Gary cares, you're always welcome to stay with
me if you're too tired to drive home. As far as I'm
concerned the third bedroom is yours."
""Why would I mind?" Gary said. I think it's time we
have a long overdue talk. Are you open to hear some
honest feelings?"
"Uh oh. Yeah, I guess so," I answered a bit nervously.
Gary began. "The evening that Dan and I first told each
other that we are in love, we had a long conversation about
you."
Dan spoke up. "I told Gary that I was in love with him
and wanted to spend the rest of my life as his partner.
Knowing that Gary had a fear of commitment; I was
worried that he might not share my feelings. For a long
time he looked into my eyes but said nothing at all. I felt
vulnerable and exposed. Then I saw a tear form in his eye
and I knew. He didn't need to say anything. I knew he was
in love with me and would never hurt me. Finally he
smiled and told me he wanted to be my partner too.
"I explained to Dan why those words were so difficult for
me to speak," Gary said. "I told him that I'd had many
sexual partners in my life but had only been in love one
time, and that relationship ended badly. But that night, as I
looked into his eyes, I knew it was too late to back out. I'd
already given my heart to him."
I felt my own throat constricting with emotion as my two
friends told me their story. Yet I couldn't help but wonder
why they spoke about me on that special night. Other than
getting the two of them together, my involvement had been
minimal.
Dan picked up the story. "We held each other and talked
about many things. Gary told me about Greg and his other
relationships. Since he had been honest with me about his
past, I wanted to be truthful with him about mine. I told
him about David and the girls I'd been with. I also told him
about us, Steve."
"About us?" I stammered.
"Yes. I told him that I'm in love with you and probably
always will be. I told him about our conversations and our
mutual flirting. I'm deeply in love with Gary and want him
for my partner and soul mate, but I still love you too. I had
to be honest with him, and I want to be honest with you
too.
I must have had a horrified look on my face because Gary
started laughing and told me I looked like hell.
"It's okay pal," Gary said.
I had become very nervous and although the house was
cool, I could feel sweat forming on my brow.
"Dan's confession forced me to admit that I too am in love
with you," Gary said. "I've wanted a relationship with you
since the day we met in church. At times it was all I could
do to be civil with Mark. I was so jealous. Yet in my heart
I knew Mark was the man God had chosen to be your mate.
Mark is a giant among men and God chose wisely when he
put the two of you together. But, alas, I too am in love with
you, and always will be."
I didn't know what to say. Here were my two closest
friends both telling me that they are in love with me. I felt
as if the room was closing in around me. My emotions
were running wild and I couldn't sort through them. I could
tell my face was flushed and all I could do was babble.
Dan came to my rescue. "Steve, breathe, it's okay," he
said while laughing. "We love you and we love Mark too.
>From the very first night I met Mark I liked him. Do you
remember that night I saw you two kissing?
"Yes, how could I forget it?"
"You looked so good together. Gary's right. You and
Mark were meant to be lovers and lifetime partners. The
same is true for Gary and myself."
"I love Mark too," Gary was quick to interject. "Anybody
that loves you as much as he does is a prince in my book.
Good grief, the man almost worships you. Do you know
how much that man is in love with you?"
"Yeah, I think so." I was still reeling from the
conversation.
"If Mark ever finds out what I'm about to tell you, he'll
kill me. The day following your fight Mark was close to an
emotional breakdown. Somehow I knew you were okay,
but I was very worried about him. Did he ever tell you
what he did?"
"No."
"He tried calling you shortly after you left on your trip.
Dan explained that you left suddenly. Knowing how upset
you were and fearing the worst, he drove all day and night
looking for you. He spent the entire next day on the phone
trying to get any information he could regarding your
whereabouts. He got into your computer and found the
names and phone numbers of your customers. He called all
of them. He didn't sleep a wink for over 72 hours. By the
third day he was beside himself with worry and I really
thought he was falling apart. I knew then and there that
Mark Williams is a remarkable man and the one that would
stand by your side."
Dan joined in. "What we're trying to say is simple. We
love you and Mark. And not just in a brotherly way. It's
more than that. If you and Mark were willing, and we
know you're not, we would enjoy a four-way relationship.
Just keep that in mind. We'd never pressure you into it and
we'll not love you any less if you decide not to."
Dan's words left me in a stupor. I loved my two friends
and found them both attractive. I could easily have an
exciting sexual relationship with either one of them or both
together, but my heart belonged to Mark. I had no desire
whatsoever to engage in sex with anybody other than Mark.
I was flattered by their feelings, but that was all.
"I love you both and have for years. You guys are
incredibly handsome and I'm flattered and honored that you
have these feelings for me. If Mark were not in my life I'd
like to have sex with both of you, right now. But Mark is
in my life and I've given myself totally to him. I really
hope you understand. I love you guys, and like you said,
`not just in a brotherly way'. But I belong to Mark."
Both Gary and Dan understood and expected my
response. They assured me that their feelings wouldn't
change but should mine, Mark and I would always be
welcome.
It was a remarkable evening and the strangest, fullest and
happiest Christmas Day I'd ever had.
Bareroot season was fast approaching and I had my work
cut out for me. Roses, berries, rhubarb, asparagus, and
some fruit trees are just a few of the many plants that sell
well in late winter and early spring as bareroot stock.
I was busy packaging freshly pruned roses in sawdust
when a gorgeous silver Lexus SC Hardtop Convertible
pulled into the parking lot. I watched as a man, around my
age, got out of the car and started walking toward the store.
Neither his vehicle nor his attire suggested that he was a
customer. He was dressed in tan slacks with a deep green
shirt underneath his open, brown jacket. His light brown
hair was cut short and when he saw me, he smiled. He was
nice looking. As he drew closer he extended his hand.
"Good morning, what a beautiful day," he said.
"It is indeed," I replied while shaking his hand and
returning his smile. How can I help you?"
"Actually you can't. I'm here to help you. Do you mind if
I take my jacket off?"
No, go ahead, it's pretty warm for late December.
Enlighten me. How are you going to help me?"
After my experience with Gilberto I was becoming a little
bit nervous although the guy looked friendly enough. As
he removed his jacket I could see that he had a good build.
Standing about 5' 10" he looked like he should be modeling
clothes for a men's magazine.
"I've been given specific instructions to follow, so please
allow me to carry them out. I'm sure you'll be quite
happy," he said a bit timidly.
I had forgotten that Mark said he was sending a man over
to see me today. If I had remembered I would have been
prepared for what happened next. He reached out and took
both of my hands in his and looked into my eyes.
"Merry Christmas sweetheart," he said softly. Leaning
closer he gently kissed my lips then slowly pulled back,
again looking deeply into my eyes. "That was from Mark,"
he said with a big smile on his face.
"From Mark?" I said, obviously confused.
"Yes, and that's not all."
"Yikes, what's he going to do now?" I thought to myself.
Seeing my confusion he smiled and asked me to sit down.
"Let me explain," he said. "My name is Todd Nunnelee
and I'm the owner of Carefree Hot Tubs. Two weeks ago I
received a call from your boyfriend. He sent me here to
help you pick out your new hot tub."
"New hot tub?" I parroted rather stupidly.
"Yes, Merry Christmas from Mark, Barbara and Carl.
The hot tub is from all three of them. This kiss is from
Mark alone."
"Wow," was all I could say.
"Mark knew you'd be totally surprised."
"Do you know Mark?" I asked.
"No, we've never met. I advertise my business in `The
Advocate'. Mark saw the ad and called me. I'm Gay and
my company is quite popular in the Southern California
Gay community."
"So Mark is reading the Advocate, that sly dog. I wonder
where he found a copy?"
"I don't know, but it was very important to him that I kiss
you and call you sweetheart. I told him it depended on
what you looked like and how much he was willing to pay
for the hot tub. After his description of you I was more
than happy to oblige." Todd grinned while looking me over
thoroughly.
"I've brought a catalog for you to look through. The tub is
already paid for. Your job is to pick the one you and Mark
will enjoy for many years. Dan will be here later this
afternoon to begin pouring a concrete slab. He and Gary
will also build a raised deck and pavilion. Your tub will be
partially enclosed."
"So Mark got Dan and Gary involved too?
"Yes he did. He's coordinated everything. He's quite a
guy.
"He certainly is. I wish he were here now."
"How long have you been together?" Todd asked.
"Since college. We're going to be married next month."
"Congratulations Steven. I wish you and Mark a lifetime
of happiness. By the way, I spoke with Dan this morning.
He wants you to know that he and Gary will be visiting you
often to use the tub. He also wants you to get over any
hang-ups you might have about nudity."
I smiled remembering our conversation from the night
before.
Evidently Mark, Barbara and Carl had paid a handsome
sum of money. I was only allowed to choose from the four
deluxe models, all of which seated eight people. It was a
difficult decision; they were all nice. I eventually chose the
deep green model - Mark's favorite color.
Dan arrived at 1:00 p.m. We decided to pour the slab just
to the right of the covered rear patio. Most of the year I
live outside. From spring through fall I barbecue most
every evening and often sit outside on the patio until I'm
ready for bed. I was already dreaming of the many
romantic evenings Mark and I would share in our hot tub.
"When did you and Mark talk about this?" I asked.
"The night of the party with Sarah and Miguel. We've
spoken several times over the phone since then. He is so
excited. Sometimes Mark acts like a little boy. I really
love that about him," Dan said. His eyes were smiling.
"You've noticed," I said. "It takes so little to make Mark
happy. He can be the most responsible and serious person I
know. Yet underneath lives a happy, innocent little boy.
The older I get the more jaded I become. Not so with
Mark. He loves and trusts the world."
"You know you're not going to be able to keep me and
Gary away," Dan said with a pleading look on his
handsome face.
"Of course. You guys are always welcome here. I meant
what I said last night. The third bedroom belongs to you
and Gary. Use it whenever you want to. Mark feels the
same way."
"What do think about the four of us enjoying the hot tub
together, without suits?"
"I don't mind. I think it will be fun. I don't know how
Mark will feel about it though. He'll probably be okay with
you guys but I don't think he'll feel that way about anybody
else."
"Is he shy?"
"Maybe a little bit. There's more involved though."
"Like what?"
"You know that Mark and I have been in love since we
were in college, right? I told you the whole story."
"Yes."
"You also know that until November, we hadn't had sex.
Infrequently we'd give each other massages that usually
ended with one or both of us having an orgasm. But until
my visit to Spokane, that is all we ever did together. We
still haven't had intercourse. So you see, this is a very
special personal time for us. It's taken years for us to get to
this point. Our private times together are very important."
"You guys have far more patience than I do."
"You can imagine how frustrating it's been for us. When
Mark and Barbara divorced we knew our time had finally
arrived. Of course we had sex right away and it's been
incredible. I dreamed about it every day of my life but had
no idea how wonderful it would be. You see, I've only
been intimate with one other person - a woman. That was
entirely different for me. I didn't love her romantically and
female sex just doesn't excite me. I appreciate female
beauty but I'm seldom aroused by it. But even then, while I
was involved with her, I was in love with Mark. I refused
to admit that my sexual preference was for men but I knew
Mark was the only person, male or female, that I wanted to
make a commitment to.
Mark is bisexual. He's had several female partners but I'm
his first man. This is the first time either of us has had sex
with a man so we decided to take is slow and enjoy every
new experience. We both wanted to save intercourse for
our wedding night."
"I understand why you and Mark would be reluctant to
share intimacy with anybody else at this time. If that ever
changes, please remember that Gary and I love you and
would enjoy a sexual relationship with both of you. Does
Gary know everything you've told me?"
"Most of it. I confided in him years ago, shortly after
Mark and Barbara married. At that time I had no idea that
you were bisexual or had feelings for me. If I had known I
would have talked with you too. I don't have any secrets
from either of you. Mark and I consider you to be our best
friends and we love you very much. I'm confident that the
four of us will continue to grow closer to each other."
"Steve, you're going to enjoy anal sex. There's nothing
quite like it. My first time was with Gary. Dave and I
never did that and now I'm glad. The first time should be
with your soul mate. It's more than just sex. Almost a
spiritual experience, but a hell of a lot of fun too."
"We're both very anxious. Does it hurt a lot at first?"
"To be honest with you... yes. At least it did for me. But
the pain doesn't last long and is replaced with exquisite
pleasure. The physical sensations are indescribable. I don't
think you can fully understand until you've done it. When
you add the emotional and spiritual bond that is created
between you and your lover, the experience is beyond
words."
I knew the best was still to come with Mark. Dan's words
heightened my anticipation.
To be continued.
Thank you for your generous support. I've received many
messages of encouragement and I'm sincerely thankful for
each one. I feel as if I've made new friends, all over the
world.
I'll try to answer every message as quickly as possible.
Please e-mail me at: rustynail920@yahoo.com
Wishing you much happiness,
Mark