Date: Sat, 14 Feb 2004 12:49:27 -0700
From: dragonwriter@comcast.net
Subject: Josh's Journey part 2: Monday ... First Date

   	 Sunday was honestly the LONGEST day I have ever spent in my entire
life! The minutes seemed to last for hours. Mitch showed up early, about 5
am, with a screaming hangover but no apparent injuries. Crystal, my dog,
who is half golden retriever and half who knows
what-he-didn't-leave-a-calling-card jumped up to kiss him and instead hit
him square in the forehead with her snout. Mitch let out a howl of pain and
collapsed into a sobbing pile on the floor. I sent Crystal to bed and
helped Mitch into his bed. I hadn't lied to Kel when I told him Mitch
wasn't my boyfriend. We had played around together in our early teens but
by the time we had decided to leave Alberta we had passed into a kind of
"companions" relationship.

  	  In the afternoon Crystal and I went for a long run in the park to
try to work off some of my restlessness and anticipation. I wondered
constantly what Kel was doing and whether he was as anxious as I. And his
back.. my stomach churned every time I remembered the feel of his ribs
jutting out and the narrow bands of overlapping scar tissue.

  	  By evening Mitch said I was driving him crazy with my restless
pacing and nervous cleaning and left to go see a movie. I hoped that was
where he was really going, but I wouldn't follow him. I packed my gym bag
with some of the few nice clothes I had: a white button down shirt and a
pair of black jeans. Clean underwear, carefully checked for holes were
thrown in as well and a pair of sneakers. I would leave my heavy work boots
in my car.  I usually took them off soon as I left work anyway. I hate
wearing shoes.

   	 Mitch returned around 9 pm surprisingly sober. We talked for
awhile then went to bed. I laid awake listening to Crystal's breathing and
thinking. I remembered the frightened look on Kel's face. He was a man with
secrets and fears. How much did I want to get involved? Before drifting
off, I decided I wanted to do anything I could to make those fears go
away. I was willing to mend Kel's fences if he'd let me.

   	 When my alarm went off the next morning, I shot straight up almost
toppling Crystal over, who had been sleeping with her head on my
stomach. The apartment was cool and the water in the shower was almost
equally as cool. My next paycheck would get a new hot water heater. I was
tired of waiting on the landlord. I poured a cup of coffee for my breakfast
and added a healthy dollop of milk. My father said Sanclere blood was
three-fifths coffee and I believed him. I lived on the stuff. I dressed in
an old t-shirt, worn jeans and a sweat shirt. Before leaving I checked that
Mitch's alarm was set and fed Crystal.

   	 All through the day I could not get my mind off of Kel. The way he
walked, the way he danced: that loose jointed way he had of moving . I
could hear his voice and I must have gone through everything he had said to
me at least a dozen times. Several of my coworkers commented that I must
have had quite a weekend because I my head was so high in the
clouds. Several of them knew I was gay and the rest I didn't care what they
thought.

     	The drive to Kel's was uneventful. The suburb he lived in was about
twenty years old. The houses were primarily the low rambler style with the
garages out in front. By the time I got there the rain that had been
threatening all day was coming down. I pulled into Kel's driveway and sat
in the car nervously for a couple of minutes. I climbed out of the car
finally, threw my gym bag over my shoulder and sprinted up the side of the
garage to the porch. There were twisted banners of bright rainbow colors
and windsocks hanging from the edges of the porch. I reached up and ran my
fingers through one made of silky strings hanging from a wooden hoop. I
smiled.

    	The front door opened. Kel was standing in it holding onto the
collar of a ..

    	"Is that a WOLF!?" I said in surprise.

   	 "Yep." He answered. "Highly illegal in the city limits but.."

   	 "Wow." I looked from the wolf to Kel. I had the thought that if
that wolf came after me Kel would hardly be more than a distraction.

    	Kel smiled. He pat the wolf on its head. "Tova, that's his name,
won't hurt you. Please come in."

    	As I stepped forward a cat shot out the door raced between my feet
and disappeared around the edge of the house.

    	"What the-?" I said in surprise.

   	 "That was Misty, taking a well deserved break from the kittens. I
should have asked you before: You don't have allergies do you?"

   	 "Nope." I said. "I grew up on a horse ranch. Animals I know how to
deal with."

   	 I looked at Kel. He was dressed in a black shirt and black
pants. His face was flushed with excitement and his eyes were gleaming. The
clothes looked about a size too large reaffirming my suspicion that he had
recently been sick. He stepped back and let me into the house. The front
room looked unused. Just a couple couches and end tables. There were stairs
leading down on the left. And straight back were patio doors. From back
there came the sounds of jazz music. Kel gestured to me to follow and
walked towards the back. Tova, the wolf, padded alongside of him
soundlessly.

   	 The back of the house was obviously where Kel spent a more of his
time. A small kitchen/ dining room divided by a long counter occupied one
side of the house. The other side had a large overstuffed couch and a
similar loveseat. There was a book on the couch and a soda on the coffee
table. One corner of the room was taken up by a floor to ceiling
birdcage. The door was open and it was empty.

   	 "Mmm, whatever you're cooking smells fantastic!" I said.

    	Kel blushed. " It's just tacos and enchiladas.. with homemade
salsa. I had planned on eating on the patio, but as usual the Great Pacific
Northwest has refused to cooperate."

   	 "Yum." I brushed his cheek with my fingers. Kel grasped my
wrist. He looked up at me, his eyes shiny and his mouth slightly open. My
hand curved under his chin and I tipped my head and kissed him. He sighed
softly against my lips. His hand tightened around my wrist.

    	"I have got to have a shower." I said regretfully breaking off the
kiss. "I have been working all day and I probably smell worse that a wet
dog."

   	 Kel grinned. "You smell fine to me, Josh."

    	"That's the tacos you're smelling." I grinned back at him.

    	"C'mon." Kel gestured to me to follow him. Tova had been doing his
own investigation of me and had apparently decided I was no threat to
Kel. He laid down by the patio doors. I followed Kel down a hallway that
ran perpendicular to the kitchen. At the end was the bathroom. Kel showed
me where everything was and then left with a grin.

  	  I showered quickly and changed into my good clothes. I brushed
out my hair enjoying the feeling of having it loose after being tied back
all day. I decided not to put on my shoes because the whole house seemed to
be carpeted. And I really hate wearing shoes. My dirty clothes were
hurriedly stuffed back into my gym bag. I left the bag in the bathroom, I
would get it before I went home.

  	  The smells from the kitchen literally pulled me down the
hall. Dimly I noticed two closed doors as I passed by them. In the kitchen,
Kel was scraping ground beef from a frying pan into a chili pepper shaped
bowl. On the table in front of the patio doors were several more smaller
pepper shaped bowls with all the fixings for tacos in them. I leaned
against the fridge door and just watched Kel. His movements were so smooth,
graceful and precise. He picked up the bowl and turned toward me.

   	 "OH!" he jumped and almost dropped the bowl. I moved and caught it
pinning his hands against the bottom of the bowl.

    	"You surprised me." He said. " I didn't hear you come in."

    	I nodded. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sneak up on you."

   	 "It's okay. I just get umm.. jumpy sometimes."

   	 I let go of his hands and stepped back. He had that scared look on
his face again. I wondered where it had come from and what on Earth I had
done to cause it.

   	 "This is a pretty big place for just one person." I said to move
the conversation to a safer topic.

    	 "Oh, I haven't always lived here alone." Kel shrugged.  He walked
around the counter and put the bowl on the table. He turned back toward me.

   	 "Usually there is someone else here. A friend needing a place to
crash for awhile and I'm not exactly a hermit, you know. I HAVE had lovers
living here." He grinned. " I almost got married about 8 months ago."

   	 "So why didn't you?" I leaned back against the fridge and crossed
my arms. "If that's not too personal."

    	"Well I realized that the young lady in question was much too needy
to be married to someone like me. I disappear into my writing for days,
even weeks at a time. I barely remember to eat and I'm not a good eater at
the best of times, much less give attention to another person. And I didn't
think I had the emotional strength to be the rock she leaned on." He shook
his head. There were tears glistening in his eyes. "It wouldn't have been a
good idea at all.. for either of us."

   	   I crossed the couple of feet to him in a single step and wrapped
my arms around him. Kel leaned against me not talking for several
minutes. I rubbed his back lightly. He sighed. I cupped his chin and lifted
his head. He smiled and reached up to pull my head down to his lips. He
flicked his tongue along my lips, teasing them. I opened my mouth to
him. His tongue shot in and wrapped itself around mine. I moaned and sucked
hard on his tongue. His hands slid to my shoulders and he hung on
tightly. God, how he could kiss! I was on fire.

 	   My hands slid up his back softly caressing it. The kiss
deepened. Kel moaned softly.  He stepped backwards breaking the kiss but
still within the circle of my arms. Sometimes its nice to be long limbed!
He looked up at me.

  	  "If we continue with that, dinner will never get eaten and I'll
only embarass myself trying to drag you down the hall to my bedroom." he
said with a leer. I grinned. I had told him at the club that I never went
to bed with a guy on the first date. Apparently with the club crowd that
made me an insufferable prude.

 	   "Mmm, I am starved." I said.

  	  "And growing boys MUST be fed." Kel laughed.

   	 I let go of him reluctantly. It felt so right to have my arms
around him; I felt strangely lonely. He gestured to me to grab a chair
which I did. He went to the fridge and brought a couple of Cokes to the
table. He then went to the oven and opened it. The room was filled with the
wonderful smell of enchiladas. He carried the hot pan to the table and set
it on a pair of owl shaped trivets. Kel sat down so close his knee touched
mine under the table.

  	  While we ate we talked about small things. I talked about my
family and my dog. Kel joked about his editor and how surprised he was when
his books started to sell. He fed Tova bits of ground beef and cheese. I
contemplated how easily we had gotten used to each other's company. It was
almost as if we had been made for each other.

  	  "Why did you leave home?" Kel asked. "As much as you love your
family wasn't it hard to go so far away?"

    	"It was incredibly hard." I answered. "My family didn't take it
very well when I told them." I could hear my sister crying. She had yelled
at me when I told her. Accused me of not loving her anymore.

  	 "So why did you go?" Kel pressed.

  	  I looked over his head towards the front of the house. "Sexual
harassment doesn't just happen to women.. it happens to boys as well." I
looked back at Kel who was nodding.

   	 "It had got to the point that neither Mitch nor I dared to go
ANYwhere alone. We didn't know whom might be waiting for us. Well after
being grabbed and shoved to my knees and having a sweaty crotch smashed
into my face while his friends held my shoulders I'd had enough! I was
tired of having to keep one of my big brothers around to guard my back. I'm
big and I can fight but I can't handle three or four at one time." I was
shaking with anger.

  	  "Crap..what happened? They didn't .. force you, did they?"

  	  "Nope. I shook them off and left Sid in the dust clutching his
crotch and praying the equipment would stop hurting soon. But its so
exhausting to fight the same battle day after day."

   	  "I knew you could take care of yourself." Kel grinned. "Still why
the States? Why Seattle?"

   	 "That was Mitch's idea." I loaded up another taco. "He saw it in a
movie and fell in love with the place. He was always going on about how
wonderful it would be there and how great the States would be..."

  	 Kel smiled, a tender little smile. "I think I am glad he did."

  	  I blushed and finished smearing salsa on my taco.

   	 "Do you have a bird?" I gestured with my taco toward the cage.

    	"Yes." Kel nodded. "She's a cockatoo. Her name is Keeley. She's
downstairs in the laundry room." I raised an eyebrow in an unspoken
question. "That's where the kittens are," Kel went on. "Keeley refuses to
leave them. I think Misty goes out more to get away from Keeley than to get
away from the kittens. Keeley can be pretty bossy when she tries to mother
the kits. Pretty soon they will be to big for Keeley to carry." He
grinned. "That should cause no end of frustration for Keeley."

   	 "A wolf, kittens, a bird.. its a zoo in here!" I laughed.

    	"Don't forget my rabbits on the patio." Kel grinned. He paused
looking over my shoulder toward the patio door.  "I was terribly worried
about them last month." His face had that shadow I had seen at the club on
it.

    	"What happened last month?" I asked softly.

   	 "I spent it in the hospital, " Kel answered. There was a long
pause. Kel stared off at the wall. When he looked at me his eyes were dark
and haunted.

   	 " I ... tried to commit suicide.. ." His voice was barely more
than a whisper. "Again."

   	 " Kel.."

   	 I didn't know what to say. So instead of saying the wrong thing I
took Kel's hand and led him to the couch. Tova followed. I sat down and
then pulled him into my arms. He curled up next to me like a child. I
stroked his back. Kel made a soft purring sound. I ran my fingers through
his hair combing out the tangled black curls.

   	 "Do you want to talk about it?" I asked. "I'll listen."

   	 "I wasn't going to tell you about it.. not yet anyway." He said
softly against my chest.

    	"You are so ... beautiful for lack of a better word." Kel said
after a pause. "And so much of your beauty is that you don't realize just
how gorgeous you are."

   	 I blushed. "Thanks!"

   	 Kel sat up. He crossed his legs on the couch and studied me. His
face was serious. He laid his hand on my arm. Electricity shot up my
arm. Tova laid his head in Kel's lap. Kel's other hand slowly stroked the
huge head.

    	"I figured the other night at the club you'd just dance and then
probably wander off. I know I am no great catch...' his voice trailed
off. I was scowling at him.

   	 "Uh huh." I said. "Don't confuse me with that crowd. Besides," I
ran my finger across his lips. "I think you are very good looking.. pretty
almost. And sympathetic and a great listener and.. well fantastic."

   	 Kel blushed. "Thank you. Pretty yeah.. remind me to show you my
publicity shots. My editor has a warped sense of humor."

   	"All right then." Kel went on. "Last month. I guess since you have
already `seen' my back I owe you an explanation."

   	 I was quiet. I wanted Kel to tell me in his own way, at his own
pace.

   	 "I was an abused child. A VERY abused child."

  	  I swore. Kel held up his hand.

  	  "It's more complicated than that... I am also very schizophrenic
with a touch of manic-depression thrown in just to keep things
interesting. It's controlled now by my medications. That's why I don't
drink. But as a child there weren't the kind of drugs there are now. I
spent most of the first 11 years of my life institutionalized." His lips
twisted in a sour smile. "Actually, those were the best years of my life, I
think. I was spoiled rotten by nurses. And because I was prone to eat
strange things, I was constantly watched. In the days before hard plastics,
you had to make sure I gave my glass back right after drinking because I
would bite it. I cut my mouth and lips many times. I never knew Christmas
trees had lights on them until I became an adult."

  	  "Jeez." I said softly. My fingers brushed his lips.

   	 "I ate pencils, paper, rocks, dirt, glass.. I had an affection for
crunchy things. I still do in fact." He grinned at me. "Look at what I
fixed for dinner. When I was in my teens I would eat dry pasta sometimes
three meals a day. Give me a bag of tortilla chips and I am one happy boy!"

   	 "Well anyway, in about 72 or 3 my father changed jobs. His new one
wouldn't pay to keep his crazy son locked up. So I came here to live. And
suddenly not only was my life turned upside down, so was my parents quiet
life. Suddenly they had a problem child on their hands that needed almost
constant attention." He studied his hands. "Maybe my dad just snapped.."

   	 I stroked his arm. Kel shivered.

   	 "And maybe he was really just a mean, evil person. But he quickly
became the absolute terror of my life. I wondered why my mother never tried
to stop him. I hated her almost as much as I hated him." Kel looked up at
me, there were tears in his eyes. I wiped them off.

   	 "I understand now," Kel went on. "That she was as terrorized by
him as I was. I have somehow managed to forgive her. But its taken many
years of therapy to do it." He paused. "When I hit puberty I started to
hear voices. That's when the abuse really started to get bad."

   	 "Didn't you ever tell anyone?" I asked.

     	Kel shrugged. "Who would have believed the crazy kid? Oh, yeah,
there were some investigations, quite a record with the police for domestic
disturbance at this address. But abuse was still seen as more of a family
problem than the community problem it is these days. Also I was told over
and over it was my fault I needed to be beaten.. if I didn't talk to things
that weren't there..if I didn't eat garbage..if I was normal." He paused. "
I will take you over to see Mrs. Witsky.. she was my refuge forever. Not
even my dad would cross her!." He smiled that twisted smile again. "She
packs a big gun and knows how to use it. She took care of my animals when I
was in the hospital. Tova loves her."

   	  "I was 14 in `76," Kel said. "That year I got on some better meds
and I settled down. You know, I never attended regular school until I
started college in my 20s. I was home schooled or attended the special
education school when I was in my late teens. So with the new meds my
quality of life improved. I didn't need babysitting any more. Maybe the
anger in him couldn't be contained anymore. But the beatings got
worse. Thats when I got the scars on my back. And since I wasn't in school,
there was no one around to see it. He would just call my tutor and say I
was sick that day."

   	 "The sonofa.. I'll kill him." I growled. Kel jerked as if someone
had hit him. Kel moved off of the couch so fast he looked like water
flowing. He crossed the room to the patio door and stood looking outside. I
started to follow him but something told me to stay where I was. This was
someone who's private space had been severely abused in the past. I
trembled with barely controlled rage.

    	"I'm sorry, Kel. I didn't mean to upset you more. I just hate
people that have to hurt others." The silence stretch on for several
moments.

  	  "He's gone." Kel said finally his voice hollow;
emotionless. Tears flowed down his face.. little glistening trails of
sorrow.

   	 "Gone?" I asked.

  	 "Yeah, just gone. Not a problem anymore." Kel turned around, he
was still crying. His lower lip trembled and tears ran freely down his
face. " My first dog was trained to not let me get into things. So I
wouldn't hurt myself eating things I shouldn't. I must have been about 12
or 13.  He hated my father. Would growl at him and not let him near me. I
found him dead one afternoon. Poisoned. I know my father did it. So did my
mother. It was a major setback for me. Mom got me a new dog when she found
me eating eggs one day."

  	  "Eggs?" I asked puzzled. I wondered why Kel had steered the
conversation so quickly away from his father. What was it he didn't want to
talk about? Instinct told me that pushing him wasn't a good idea. I would
just let him talk and I'd follow.

     	"Yep, eggs. Shells and all ."  Kel grinned. "They crunch very
nicely. But man, are they messy to eat raw. Poor mom." He nodded. "You have
to remember that what seems rational to my mind doesn't look rational to
you. And things you may find totally rational often won't make a bit of
sense to me. That's mental illness. That's what my parents couldn't
understand."

     	I walked across the room and stood in front of Kel. He looked up at
me. His face was troubled but not scared or haunted. I understood him, at
least as well as an outsider could understand.

   	 "So that's why you jumped earlier." I said. Kel nodded. "I'm
sorry. I didn't know.. I`d have made lots of noise if I had known."

    		Kel put his hand against my lips. "Its all right. As I said
it wasn't really what I had planned to talk about on a first date." He
looked away.

		"If you want to leave now I'll understand." His voice was
flat, empty.

	"Nope." I said. "I'm not going anywhere. Not until you are calm and
no longer crying. And besides I had already guessed some of it.. the scars
on your back. No, I am not leaving."

	Kel's smile was as bright as the sun. He wrapped his arms around my
neck.

	"Thank you, Josh."

	I kissed him lightly and brushed the tears away with my lips. Kel
stepped back slightly and started to unbutton his shirt cuffs.

	"I hate to have my sleeves unrolled and buttoned but I didn't want
you to see this. Not this soon. It`s ugly." He rolled up his sleeve a
couple times and turned his left wrist over. The inside of his wrist was a
mess. Long red scars snaked up his forearm. They were jagged edged and
looked as if something had literally ripped his arm open. I was amazed he
had lived through it at all.

	"My god Kel." I said hoarsely. "What did you use? A chainsaw?"

	"Almost.. I used a saw blade. I had been writing for a while and I
forgot to take my meds. I do that sometimes. Doesn't take long for the
voices to come back... and all the garbage from my childhood. It overwhelms
me. Plus the split up with Kara.. I was so miserably lonely. The saw was in
the garage."

	I tightened my arms around him. How I wished I could take all his
fears away. I wanted to make him feel safe. I wanted to keep him safe. His
head rested against my breastbone.

	"Kel." I said softly.

	His voice was muffled from his head against my chest. "Tova found
me on the floor. He licked my face until I came around." He looked
up. "Suddenly I got scared for them. For all my pets.. what would happen to
them if I died. I managed to get to the phone and called Kara. She called
911 and flew over here. Tova may not have let them in.. Kara called
Mrs. Witsky who came and got him. They both rode to the hospital with me."

	Kel shook his head. " I'm lucky. I voluntarily checked my self into
the behavioral unit and spent a month there. Friday was my first day
home. Saturday night I wanted noise and company and to dance a little. I
never expected to.." He paused.

	Kel smiled up at me. "I never expected to fall in love. Not so
soon, not so.. easily."

	I smiled back at him. I held his head against my chest and I rocked
him soothingly. I told him how I had been crawling out of my skin in
anticipation all Sunday. How I had paced and glared at the clock. How eager
I had been to get here , to just touch him again. To hold him. His head
felt so right against my chest. After awhile Kel raised his head and looked
at me. His eyes were shimmery from the tears, but he wasn't crying anymore.

	"Maybe I should get this mess cleaned up. Before someone gets into
it. There's another cat here somewhere." Kel said.

	"I'll help. Just tell me where to put things." I said.

	While we cleaned up, I talked about my family, especially my
younger sister, Anita.  Anita is also mentally ill. As a small child she
had been subject to horrific nightmares. At times I was the only one who
could calm her. When I was 13 I would carry her around like an infant. Even
though she was only three years younger than me she was tiny. Like Kel the
worst of her problems were now controlled by medications. And her quality
of life was greatly improved. I had agonized over leaving her . But the
harassment in town had reached such a height that I was afraid for my
life. And Anita was doing so much better on the medicine.

	But it hadn't been easy for her. She had cried and yelled at me.

	"You don't care about me! You don't love me anymore. You love HIM
more than me!" she had cried. I had tried to reason with her but she
wouldn't listen. She had thrown things at me. I finally had to just
leave. But oh how it hurt to leave her there crying.  I hated myself for
it. But I had left. I had to.. I couldn't stay there and be miserable and
threatened; afraid to walk down the street in town. I only hoped she'd
understand someday.

	Kel's eyes teared up listening to me. He reached up and wiped my
own tears away. He stuck his tear covered fingers in his mouth.

	"Mmm" He murmured. We stood there for several minutes just enjoying
each others silence. Just enjoying the company of the other person.

	"Well," Kel said after awhile. "I had sorta thought maybe we'd
watch a movie or something after dinner. I don't know.."

	I looked around. "I don't see a TV."

	" Hmm, there IS one in my bedroom." Kel grinned mischievously. "But
no, the TV room is downstairs. I spend most of my time down there."

	"All right."

	I followed Kel and Tova to the stairs. Kel paused at the top
looking down. I saw that shadow again.

	"I got thrown down these once," he said starting down the stairs. I
swore again. He walked down carefully. At the bottom, he ran his hand down
the frame of the doorway. "There used to be a door here. That way I could
be kept safe if necessary."

	"Hidden away." I growled feeling angry all over again.

	"Yes." Kel nodded. "I had the whole basement rewired right after
Mom and Joe moved. There are plugs all over." The shadow crossed his face
again. " I can't tolerate extension cords. They look evil to me."

	"Kel.." I ran my hands up his arms and cradled his face. He smiled
at me.

	"Let me give you the tour." he said.

	The basement was five rooms. The first one on the left was Kel's
study. He told me it had been his bedroom when he was a teen. He felt the
safest there. So it was easy to just write for days on end there. The next
room was a tiny room nearly empty. It had been a pantry. There was a small
bathroom with a shower in it next to the pantry. The laundry room was on
the other side. Kel introduced me to the cockatoo, Keeley and to the
kittens. I am a dog person, but the kittens were so soft and tiny. Of
course, I had to pick up and pet each one. Keeley eyed me with suspicion
but I suppose since Kel was there she stayed on her perch.

	The last room was the largest. It was a cozy room with a comfy
looking couch covered by blankets and pillows. There was a big screen TV
with a VCR and stereo in an oak entertainment center. On the floor in front
of it was a Nintendo. There was a small fridge and a couple beanbags in the
room as well. Against the wall kitty corner to the TV was a bookshelf with
rows of videos on it. Across the room was a bookshelf stuffed to exploding
with books.

	I looked around with a grin. There were turned over books on nearly
every surface. A pair of sneakers kicked against a wall. A coffee mug on
the top of the entertainment center. A sweat shirt sticking out from
between a couple of cushions on the couch.  All in all a lived in room.

	Kel and I looked through the videos crammed on the shelf. Picking
one then another and discarding them for various reasons. Together we
picked out "Batman": lots of big strong guys doing big strong things!

	Kel started to fuss with the couch. I took the remote out of one
hand and the sweatshirt out of the other. I set the shirt on the floor by
the couch.

	"Sit." I said. He grinned up at me and pushed a couple blankets
aside. He sat down and kicked off his shoes.

	"I may as well join you." He grinned again wiggling his toes. I
grinned back at him and sat down next to him. I pulled a down comforter
over and wrapped us both in it. Kel snuggled down and I wrapped an arm
around him.

 	Kel's head against my shoulder and his hand on my leg were doing
things to my attention span. I couldn't quite stay interested in the
movie. Kel shifted and stretched out across the couch. His back and head
leaned against my chest. Shivers ran down my body. My cock was rock hard
and throbbing. I shifted a little to ease the pressure. I ran my hand down
his leg and massaged it. He was so thin. My stomach churned at the thought
of anyone hurting someone so frail. I wanted to hit his father. I wanted to
HURT his father. I wanted to pay him back multiple times for hurting
Kel. For hurting MY Kel. Kel twisted around so that he was looking up at
me.

	"You aren't watching the movie."

	"No." I said.

	"Boring you? Or is something wrong? You are tense." He looked
worried.

	"I was thinking. Just absorbing what you said earlier. I'm
sorry. I'll pay attention now." He looked so funny upside down.

	He sat up and twisted around till he was on his knees beside me. He
put his hands on my shoulders.

	"I didn't plan to ruin your evening. I just thought you deserved an
explanation." His eyes pleaded with me. I turned towards him and reached up
curving my hand around the back of his head. He looked so vulnerable, so
lost. I wanted to fix that lostness. I wanted to make it all right for him.

	"You are so amazing, Kel." I whispered. "I don't think I could have
lived through what you have and still be able to make jokes. I am in awe."

	Kel flushed. He brushed my cheek with his hand. "Thanks, Josh."

	We both seemed to move together as one. His lips brushed mine. I
pulled him closer. We both lost our balance and tumbled off the couch in a
pile of legs, arms and blankets. Kel was laughing so hard I thought he'd
choke. He started to get up but I wrapped my arms around his waist and
pulled him down. He started laughing again. I rolled sideways and pinned
him under me.  He lay there still, his mouth slightly open. God, he looked
so sweet, so delicious. I wanted to hold him and love him, to make him
laugh. I wanted to chase away the shadows. I leaned down. Our lips
met. Electrical sparks traveled down my chest. Kel's hands slid across my
chest and stopped over my nipples. I could feel his palms brush them
through my shirt. I groaned in pleasure.

	"Wow, your nipples are major sensitive." Kel said. I nodded
breathless. He rubbed my nipples again. I groaned again. He pinched them,
rubbed them, twisted them. I groaned some more. He raised his head and
sucked one through my shirt.  I cried out as fire flooded my body.

	"KEL!"

	A shudder ran down my back. I shook and dropped on to Kel. He
grunted and I shifted my weight back onto my arms. Kel pulled my head down
and kissed me. He nibbled my lower lip and teased the upper with his
tongue. I opened my mouth and his tongue slid in, wrapping itself around my
tongue. I sucked his tongue frantically. His body arched under me pushing
hard against my chest and abdomen. I pushed my hands under his shoulders
and pressed him to me. I wanted to absorb him into my own body. Make him a
part of me. He moaned into my mouth.

	Kel's hands ran up my back sending out sparks of fire wherever they
touched. He pulled my shirt out of my jeans. The feel of those long fingers
on my skin made me shudder. He tangled his hands in my hair. He pulled my
head down. His body moved under mine teasing me, rubbing against mine. I
ran one hand down his side and caressed his hip. He moaned and cried out.

	"Josh!"

	I devoured his mouth, then his chin and jaw. I kissed his jaw and
down his neck. He moaned and cried my name. I love hollow at the base of
the neck between the collarbone and shoulder. I explored his with my tongue
and lips. He moaned and pulled my hair. His body twisted under me. I moved
back to his mouth, his sweet, delicious mouth. He pulled me closer almost
trying to crawl into my skin. Kel wrapped his tongue around mine and pulled
it into his mouth sucking and teasing it. He explored my mouth and returned
to my tongue, sucking on it and twisting his tongue around mine. His body
was moving again. Rubbing against mine sending out shock waves of
electricity. I jerked as my head and body exploded. I cried out and buried
my head in his hair as my body shook with its orgasm. Far away I could hear
Kel's voice crying out my name. His hands clutched at my hips.

	I raised my head and looked at him. Kel's eyes were bright, his
face flushed. He was panting.

	"Kel." I said hoarsely. "Kel, I promise. I promise no one will ever
hurt you again. I won't let them. I promise."

	Tears flowed out of the corners of his eyes. "Josh. Oh Josh."

	I leaned down and kissed him gently. He clung to me. Oh yeah, I
promised myself, I was going to keep him safe. Forever.