Date: Tue, 02 Mar 2004 17:39:52 -0700
From: dragonwriter@comcast.net
Subject: Josh's Journey: November Chaos

	The early morning call to rescue Micah was the least of my concerns
for November. Kel had told me enough about Micah over the past two months
that I wasn't surprised when he leaped out of bed at 3 am and dressed on
the run. Micah was one of Kel's stray creatures. An unbelievably beautiful
one as well, not many gay guys, or straight women for that matter, would
have thrown him out.

	Micah wasn't with Kel when he picked me up from work that
afternoon. Kel was leaning against the car as I approached. Tova and
Crystal's heads were hanging out the window. Kel pushed off from the car as
I got into hugging range.

	"What's up?" I asked wrapping my arms around his waist. I kissed
his neck feeling the collar of his sweater tickle my cheek. "The kids miss
dad?"

	Kel grinned and pulled the elastic out of my hair. Black waves
flowed down around my head and over my forehead covering my face. Kel
brushed it back and looped the hair behind my ears.

	"Ever think of bangs?" He asked.

	"You drove all the way up here with the canines just to ask me
about hair styling?" I quirked an eyebrow at him. He snickered and laughed.

	"I'm restless," he answered after a moment. "Micah always does that
to me. Its so emotional to be with him."

	I hugged him; he laid his head against my shoulder. I wanted to ask
Kel why he didn't just wash his hands of Micah, but I already knew the
answer. Kel never abandoned his strays.

	"Did you find his car?" I asked.

	"Yeah, it had been impounded but we got that straightened out. And
found his wallet, watch and keys on the floor of the car. And he was
pleased to also find his 200 dollar leather jacket in the trunk.. Micah was
worried it might have been stolen and pawned. Apparently he wasn't in total
blackout when he left the club, although he doesn't remember it. And then
we went to his work, he still has his job, thank heavens."

	I shivered goose bumps rising down my arms. I couldn't imagine
surrendering my control of myself and my surroundings like that. I would
never be able to allow someone to use me in any way. I squeezed Kel again.

	"Micah's big boss at the bank is offering him a deal. If he goes
into rehab for 30 days his job will be secure."

	"Think he'll do it?" I asked.

	"Well," Kel made a face. "Hard to say with Micah, but this last
episode scared him pretty badly. So I'm hoping he'll do it."

	Kel sighed. I stroked his back gently. Once again I thought of what
a great parent Kel would be.. and felt my gut twist in sorrow. Kel's head
rested against my chest. Tova made a low growling noise; Kel reached over
and rubbed his nose.

	"Anyway," he said looking up his eyes bright. "I thought we could
go to the park and do some walking, take the kids and let them run a
bit.There's restaurant near there that does a great carryout." He
paused. "Unless you're too tired."

	I was tired, but it did sound fun. And Kel needed to burn off his
restlessness, so I agreed even though it would be dark soon. We stopped and
got some fried chicken and a couple bottles of water. With Tova on a long
leash and Crystal running free we spent the evening until well after
nightfall roaming the paths. Perhaps it wasn't the safest or wisest idea to
be there so late, but no one felt the need to challenge Tova's
protectorship. Kel's place was closest and my car was there so we returned
there.

	Kel had picked up my mail earlier from my place and told me that
Micah had dropped a glass and broke it, his shakes were so bad. I studied
Kel, there was something else but I didn't push it. I just shrugged off the
glass, it wasn't important. Kel was relieved and in fact estatic that there
was no anonymous letter. I was not so relieved. Two weeks in a row I had
got them now two weeks in a row I hadn't. What was coming, I wondered. I
tried to convince myself that I was being unreasonable but my gut still
told me that something more was coming. But I kept my concerns to myself,
no reason to upset Kel with what might be a false alarm.

	On Wednesday, before going home, I dropped by Antonine's. She
informed me that she was running behind but would make every effort to have
the rings finished by Thanksgiving. I thanked and hugged her. She laughed
and told me to git so she could go back to work.

	The rest of the week just seemed to slide by. Kel spent a large
part of his days with Micah, helping him make arrangements so he could go
into rehab. The evenings were spent, just the two of us, at Kel's place,
loving, and talking and reading. I was reading Kel's books and to my
monumental surprise found that I was enjoying them a lot. They weren't
science fiction as in space ships and little green men attacking Earth but
more like adventures in colonizing other planets and dealing with other
forms of sentient life.

	In the first book, one of the characters went insane and Kel's
description of her descent into madness raised the hairs on my neck. I was
totally enthralled by it, in large part because I knew he KNEW exactly what
he was describing. I had to go and drag Kel upstairs to the bedroom for
some "us" time when I finished that part of the book.

	Friday morning was rainy and cool. Winter was on its way. I stood
at the patio doors drinking my coffee and looking out into the yard. So
much had happened in the last two months. I had never expected to find love
wrapped in so bizarre a package, but here it was: colorful and exciting. I
couldn't say that Kel was exactly what I had been looking for, but he was
so much more INTERESTING than the average guy.

	I jumped when the phone rang, I had been so lost in my thoughts
about Kel. Reaching back I lifted the receiver on the wall phone by the
counter. I hoped to get it before it woke up Kel.

	"Hello?"

	"Josh, its Kaleb. Xan said you'd be up by now." Kaleb's voice
rumbled through the phone.

	"Yep, what's up, Kaleb?" I asked leaning against the patio door,
the cold from the glass seeping through my jeans.

	"I want to offer you guys an early Christmas present."

	"Christmas? What?" I asked.

	"I want to do pictures of you, the both of you."

	"Pictures?" I said.

	Kaleb sighed. "Josh, wake up. I'm a photographer, among other
things. Remember the art degree.. the photography shop downtown? I want to
get you guys in the studio."

	"Sounds fun." Kel's voice broke in on the bedroom extension.

	"Kel! Are you eavesdropping?" I laughed.

	"Nope, I picked up and before I could get a word in you two started
yammering." Kel laughed. "Anyway, when and where, Kaleb?"

	"Don't I get a say in it at all?" I yelped in mock outrage.

	"Oh, hush. You just show up and look hunky." Kel teased.

	Kaleb laughed, a pleasant baritone rumble. "They will always lead
us around by our you-know-whats, Josh. Okay, how's tomorrow morning sound?
10:30ish?"

	Both Kel and I agreed that was workable. Kaleb gave directions to
his studio and after a little chitchat he hung up. I carried my cup and a
second cup of coffee down the hall to the bedroom. Kel was sitting cross
legged in bed, the sheet pooling around his jammy clad hips. His eyes were
sleepy; he looked utterly delicious. I handed him the cup. He smiled up at
me.

	I sat on the edge of the bed and leaned forward to kiss him. Kel's
lips were sweet and soft; just the touch of them made my heart pound
faster. Or maybe that was the caffeine, I was on my third cup already. He
sipped his coffee his eyes watching me over the lip of the cup.

	"Are you going to be able to get some writing done today?" I asked
him.

	He nodded. "I think so, Micah is leaving Monday. Everything is
arranged and in place. He`s working today.. getting his desk cleared, that
sort of thing. I`ll probably have him following me around like a puppy all
weekend." I scowled and then sighed.

	"Think he'll actually go?"

	Kel sighed. " I think so, but Micah can be so unpredictable. I wish
the rehab was closer, but the bank is willing to pay for it."

	I shook my head. "Doesn't seem like a really wise idea to me to be
sending him to California. The homeland of partying."

	Kel laughed. " I said the same thing, but Micah's boss says the
rehab is in a small town about an hour outside of Sacramento. Not very
classic "California" culture there. And it caters to the gay and lesbian
crowd, so Micah has no extra concerns. Not that Micah's strictly gay, mind
you. But it has a good reputation and is a fraction of the cost of say The
Betty Ford Clinic."

	I rolled my eyes. "Good lord, I don't even want to think of Micah
in Betty Ford!"

	Kel laughed. The coffee in his cup sloshed. He sipped some more of
it, his eyes glittering. He held the cup loosely in his lap and looked at
me. His face was expressive, there was love and gratitude and a host of
emotions etched across it.

	"Thank you for being so understanding," he said softly.

	I smiled and kissed him again. We talked for a few more minutes
before I headed out to work. I rolled the window in my car down a bit and
turned off the radio. I liked the sound of the rain as it splashed on the
car and the road. Fortunately for us workers, the roof and most of the
exterior walls were finished on the office building we were
constructing. It would be cold but dry inside. Kel had bought a big thick
hooded sweatshirt from someplace that sold used clothing in good
condition. I was grateful for the sweatshirt as I climbed out of my
car. Cold rain was coming down. I was also glad I had put my boots on
before leaving the house. I grabbed my tools out of the trunk and sprinted
inside the fence to the building.

	My appointment, that evening, with Alejhandro went well. We talked
about schizophrenia and he gave me a list of books that were reasonably
easy to understand on the subjects of schizophrenia and childhood abuse. I
was feeling more and more confident about dealing with Kel and not making
mistakes or hurting him. Alejhandro also verified my suspicion that Kel
wore pyjamas and a belt for protection from a hypothetical abuser.

	"Sexually abused people frequently "create" a barrier between them
and others in the form of a belt or extra and often unnecessary clothing."
He told me.

	Kel had dinner ready when I got there. The house smelled of pot
roast. A bowl of potatoes and a fresh loaf of French bread were on the
table. I took a deep breath and sighed.

	"You're turning into quite the little wife," I grinned wrapping my
arms around his waist. Kel laughed and pulled my head down into a soul
shaking kiss. He freed my hair from the elastic and ran his fingers through
it.

	"You should see me in a dress!" He teased. He struck a pose and
pulled up the leg of his jeans. He had on a dark green sweater that made
his eyes look greener than ever.

	I shook my head. "You don't have the legs for it." I grinned at
him.

	 He laughed. "I suppose this is the part where I start yelling at
you about how you take me for granted and have never loved me?" We both
laughed.

	"As long as you don't start throwing mashed potatoes and roast at
me." I kissed him.

	"Weeeeelll.." Kel eyed the table. "Cleanup would be tremendously
fun!" He leered, his eyes dancing in mischief.

	I laughed and kissed him again. Before eating I went to the
bathroom and cleaned off at least one layer of dirt. I peeled out of my
sweaty t-shirt. There was a pile of clean clothes on the bed, I pulled on a
white t-shirt. Kel had everything on the table by the time I returned. I
sat down, a feeling of contentment and happiness flooded through me as I
looked around at Kel laughing and the canines following him around begging
for treats. Keeley was perched on the top of the fridge. When Kel opened
the door to get drinks she squawked and jumped back ruffling her
feathers. Kel told her to hush. She hopped down onto his head and he
transferred her to the countertop. She waddled back and forth nagging at
him. He brought the drinks to the table and sat down. As usual his knee
under the table was touching mine.

	There was peace here. And love, an easy, quiet love that had no
need to prove itself. Kel bubbled with excitement about the book he was
writing and introduced me to the characters. I listened and laughed and
commented. I felt like I had walked out of a hurricane into a place of
calm. All concerns for Micah, the anonymous letters, Mitch and anything
else were far away. All that mattered right now was listening to Kel. And
feeling his hand on my arm and knee against mine.

	"Micah told me a joke today. Its a pretty good one." Kel grinned.

	"Hokay," I said around a mouthful of potatoes.

	Kel grinned, his face had that innocent look on it that told me I
was going to be in trouble. He leaned back in his chair and put his feet in
my lap under the table. He took a sip of his drink. I caressed his calf one
handed.

	"All right, Mary and John are both inpatients at a certain mental
hospital. And after a time they get to be rather good friends. Well, one
day John falls into the pool. Mary knowing he can't swim leaps in after
him. John is thrashing around and raising such a ruckus, but Mary somehow
manages to pull him out of the pool." Kel paused for effect. I eyed him
over a spoonful of potatoes.

	" When the hospital director hears about Mary's act he decides to
have her discharged as mentally stable. Sadly though, later in the day John
is found hanging in his room. He is, of course, quite dead."

	"Jeez, KEL!" I said my eyes wide.

	"Keep up with me here, Josh." He grinned. "Anyway, the staff is
just frantic. How will they explain this to Mary? Finally, the hospital
director calls Mary into his office.  `Mary,' he says. `I have good news
and bad news for you. The good news is that we are going to discharge
you. Your bravery and good judgment today proves that you are completely
sane. But I'm afraid the bad news is that we found John in his room today,
he had hung himself with his bathrobe belt in his bathroom. He is dead. I
am so sorry!' And Mary replies `Oh, he didn't hang himself... I hung him
there to dry!'"

	"KEL!" I yelped sending a spray of potatoes and butter across the
table. I started coughing and choking. Kel pounded on my back laughing
hysterically.

	I looked at Kel, his eyes were bright and he was laughing. If
anyone else had told me that joke I would probably have reacted with
fury. But I remembered Kel telling me once that sometimes he had to laugh
at himself, just to remind himself that not everything had to be taken
seriously. `If I start taking everything too seriously, I start to get
suicidal again' he had added.

	"Kel, that's just wicked," I said.

	"I know." He answered. "But that's not surprising considering its
source." Kel grinned at me. "But I about fell over laughing when I heard
it. I`ll have to ask Dr. Reicher if she`s heard it. You should ask
Alejhandro."

	"Oh, just what I need: a reputation for telling bad jokes about
mental patients." I rolled my eyes at him.

	"HAH! You laughed I saw you." He leaned forward grinning.

	I moved to grab him and he dodged. But not enough: my arm caught
him and tumbled him out of his chair. I followed him down pinning him to
the floor. He laughed that deep husky laugh that drove me wild. I leaned
down and kissed him. A deep, hard kiss, his hands pulled me down against
him. We made love there on the dining room floor.

	I woke up Saturday morning feeling slightly anxious. After loving
on the floor of the dining room we had cleaned up dinner and watched TV for
awhile before going to bed. I wasn't sure why I felt anxious at first and
then I remembered: the pictures at Kaleb's studio.

	I had forgotten that Kaleb was also an artist and a photographer
with a high reputation in the Seattle art circles. The studio downtown was
mostly run by his cousin Torie. Konnor Kommunications' star was rising so
Kaleb had less time to spend at the studio, but according to Xan, my source
for all things Kaleb, he could be found there most weekends.

	Like most people without a lot of ego, I am not crazy about having
my picture taken. But Kel had been all bubbly and excited the night before,
running about making sure our good clothes were clean. Now in the early
morning, I was feeling nervous. I sat up carefully but Kel woke up
anyway. He smiled up at me.

	"Good morning," he said, his eyes a deep foresty green.

	I slid down and wrapped my arms around him pulling him close to
me. We kissed softly, tasting each other. I couldn't imagine how I had
managed for so long without having Kel in my arms, without waking up to his
kiss and falling asleep with his head on my shoulder. I craved him like a
drug. Kel was a drug I didn't mind becoming addicted to!

	"What time is it?" he asked running his fingers through my hair. I
twisted around to see the clock.

	"8:30," I said.

	"Mmmm, then just enough time for some morning lovin!" Kel leered at
me. I grinned and dropped my head to kiss him.

	Surprisingly, we made it to Kaleb's studio by 10:30. He was sitting
on a stool behind the counter sipping coffee and looking at a pile of
photos. He looked up and whistled. Kel blushed, his complexion matching the
rose colored shirt he was wearing, and smiled. I was wearing my red shirt
and Kel had joked that we looked like a pair of roses in bloom. Kaleb
winked at me. There was a fresh hickey on Kaleb's neck just above the
collar of his vest. Neither Kaleb nor Xan were ones for wearing a lot of
clothes. Kaleb had on a black leather vest and a pair of black jeans. His
chest muscles rippled as he moved, it was definitely a treat to watch him.

	"Torie is setting up the camera equipment. Soon as she comes out to
take the counter, we'll go back to the studio," Kaleb said. He offered us
both a cup of coffee. Kel declined but I accepted gratefully. Having a mug
in my hands dispelled some of my nervousness.

	Kel looked around examining displays. He questioned Kaleb closely
about some of the cameras and Kaleb answered enthusiastically.

	"I didn't know you were a camera buff," I said to Kel.

	He grinned. "You never asked," Kel answered and Kaleb laughed.

	Torie appeared from the back. It was easy to see she was related to
Kaleb. Torie was slightly shorter than him with the same black hair and
olive complexion. She smiled and shook hands as Kaleb introduced us.

	Kaleb's studio was a long room running length wise across the back
of the building. At one end was a jumble of furniture and scenery props and
at the other end filmy curtains were pulled back and tied but could be
pulled, on rods running the length of the room, to almost anyplace in the
studio. In the center of the room were two stools and a couple of carpet
covered boxes. A bank of lights on wheels faced the stools.

	Kaleb arranged us on the stools, me on the shorter one because I
was taller and took several pictures of the two of us sitting on the
stools, with the filmy curtains behind us, and a couple of me kneeling on
one of the boxes, arms around Kel's waist. He also took a couple of us
standing arm in arm. I was nervous and shy of the camera but Kaleb had a
laughing, teasing way of getting his subjects to relax.  And having Kel in
my arms was an intoxicant of the highest power! I was floating, wrapped in
laughter, love and the feel of his body.

	After Kaleb had taken a roll of us, he walked over to a long table
by the door. He set down his camera and picked up a different camera. He
looked at it carefully then set it back down.

	"C'mere Josh, Help me pull the bed out into the room," he said
walking back towards the furniture.

	"Bed?" I asked following him.

	"Yep," He answered. He pulled a frame out from behind a high backed
couch. I moved the couch and helped him get it out. He pulled a sheet
covered mattress out. Kaleb gestured to me to move and I pulled the frame
out to the center of the room. Kaleb followed and dropped the mattress on
the frame. He moved the stools and boxes over against the wall.

	"Okay, kids," he said. Kel laughed, he was about three years older
than Kaleb. "Strip, children. Time to do a roll of private film. I call
them "love" shots."

	"Strip!" I yelped.

	"Yeah," he grinned. " Oh, didn't I tell you about this part? I am
SO naughty! I always do a roll of naked ones. Whew! You should have seen
Colin and Alex.. had to hose those two off afterwards!" He tried to look
innocent. Kel laughed. "I promise not to touch.. well not more than
necessary."

	"Kaleb..." I started. Kel started to unbutton my shirt.

	"Oh shush." Kel said softly. Kel pulled my shirt out of my pants. I
grasped Kel's wrist tightly stopping him.

	"Kel.. its porn!"

 	"Nope, not technically," Kaleb answered. "If I sell it for mass
consumption and with the intent of making money off of titillating the
buyer then its porn. But since its a picture of YOU for the privacy of your
own home it doesn't come under porn. Also I`m not charging you for these
shots." He looked sober. "We don't get many chances to celebrate the beauty
of our relationships, this is my chance to you. This is the real reason I
am taking pictures today. The other pictures are just decoy to get you to
relax." He grinned. "Besides, we NEED to have a shot we can send to
Mother!"

	"Kel," I tipped up his head. "Are you sure? What about your back?"
I was almost sweating. I wanted nothing more than to pick him up and
run.. run someplace safe where old evil couldn't be put out for everyone to
examine.

	"I'm okay, Josh." Kel laid his hand against my cheek. "My back is
just that: MY back. I don't tend to advertise it, but I don't hide it
either. Anyone who has seen me without a shirt on, has seen the scars,
Josh. And I haven't always been this thin. Besides, I think it sounds fun
and sensual and very, very," Kel's voice dropped a couple octaves. "erotic,
Josh."

	Kaleb wasn't kidding when he said Kel could lead me around by my
cock. That tone of voice sent frissons of pleasures through my body. I was
helpless to argue any further. I remembered Xan telling me how terrified
Kaleb was of AIDS and by corollary, sex. So I was certain Kaleb wouldn't be
turning this into an orgy.

	"Torie?" I asked.

	"She won't bother us," Kaleb said. There was a finality in his
voice that was reassuring.

	I'm not in love with my body, its a good one I admit but I'm not
one of those strut around "admire me" types. And anyway, being in the same
room with Kaleb would have cured me of that feeling pretty damned quick!
There was no way I could compete with his build. But working construction
for the last three years, plus semi-regular gym time had firmed up my pecs
and kept my stomach flat. Taking off my pants was the hardest part, I'm not
a prude just a very private guy. The lower part of my body belonged to Kel
and his time with it was very private to me. But I was, at the same time,
intrigued about what kinds of pictures Kaleb had in mind.

	"Josh, if I thought you'd bottom, I might just jump at you." Kaleb
grinned, his hand brushed across my belly barely touching it. I blushed
bright red and Kel snickered. Kel wrapped his arm around my waist and
leaned against my shoulder. His free hand rested against my belly. I
wrapped my arm around him and kissed the top of his head.

	"Hold that pose! Don't move a whisker!" Kaleb shouted and retrieved
his camera off the table. Kaleb's reaction to Kel's back was totally
professional. He paled slightly and swallowed. His eyes flickered up to
mine and he moved slightly to the side. From that point on he was careful
to shoot at an angle that wouldn't show the scars.

	Kaleb took several shots of us standing in several different
poses. My arms around Kel's waist, his arms around my neck, one shot from
over my shoulder, one from over his shoulder and several from the side. A
side shot of him leaning against me, looking down, then looking up, another
of my hand on his cheek as he looked up to me. I found it was easy to smile
now. I was smiling at Kel. I was showing him my love for him. I could tune
out Kaleb and his camera as I drowned in the deep green of Kel's eyes.

	"The contrast between the two of you is breathtaking," Kaleb
observed as he reloaded his camera. "This is black & white film, your skin
tone on this film will glow, Josh!"

	Kaleb arranged us on the bed fussing and moving arms and legs
around. He was trying to hide Kel's thinness and scars as much as possible,
which meant bending me into all sorts of odd positions. Shots of me on top
of Kel, chests touching, a shot of my head on his chest my hair flowing
down hiding my face, of us kissing, me on top of Kel his back arched and
his head thrown back, not really in ecstasy, but rather the result of a
discreet tickle on the ribs not facing the camera. Shots of Kel on his
stomach and me against his back, his head thrown back, my head ducked down
whispering in his ear.

	Kaleb rolled us onto our sides, Kel's head pillowed on my arm as it
crossed his chest, four arms crossing over him hiding ribs and scars.
Kaleb's voice was gentle and teasing; Kel reacted with laughter and I
relaxed. I wasn't in a studio, I was with Kel. I could feel his skin
against mine, hear his laugh, soft and low. My treasure was held safe in my
arms.

	"Okay, that's the second roll of film," Kaleb said putting the
camera down. "Get your clothes on." He winked.

	Kel and I dressed quickly. I was semi hard as was Kel. His eyes
told me he would take care of that situation later at home. I helped Kel
button his shirt then tipped up his head and kissed him. He smiled. Yeah, I
definitely was planning on some "us" time when we got home.

	Kaleb walked out with us. We arranged to come back the next
Saturday to look at the proofs and pick out the ones we wanted printed. Kel
was somewhat hyper and I decided I had better take a look at this meds when
I got home. Probably just excitement I told myself but I wanted to be
certain. We talked with Kaleb for a bit. He asked about Thanksgiving and I
explained we were going to celebrate at Kel's place. Mitch was going with
Will to his parents.

	"Well," Kaleb said. "You are welcome at our place. It will be
crowded and noisy. My older sister, Anjelica, her husband Peter and their
kids will be there, my baby sister Julie and who or WHATever she is
dating." He grinned. Julie was a political activist and had dated some
really odd men according to Xan. "And Dora and Kyle will be there."

	"We'll keep it in mind," I said. Kaleb nodded.

	The drive home was quiet and neither of us felt the need to
talk. Kel's hand on my thigh was conversation enough. It spoke to me about
love and togetherness, about being happy and about sharing: sharing the
good times and the bad, sharing sadness. The gentle movements of his
fingers thanked me for listening.

	As Kel predicted, Micah followed him around all weekend. Kel let
him crash on the sofa downstairs. He never left Kel alone the whole
weekend, much to my annoyance, except to go to the bathroom. I was almost
expecting him to climb into bed with Kel as well. Not that I couldn't tell
by his face that he wanted to do just that. I got seriously fed up with him
on Sunday and left to go visit Xan. Xan and Kaleb's condo was downtown. We
sat on the balcony, watched traffic, drank beer and talked about nothing
much. I'm not much of a drinker but the beer was cold and the day was warm
for a change. By the time I got back home Micah had gone home to finish
packing and Kel was full of apologies. I brushed them aside, I loved this
man who cared so much for lost creatures. How could I get angry at such a
loving man.

The rest of the week went by pretty quickly. Knightman was giving us
Thursday and Friday off. I was looking forward to the four day weekend,
four days to spend with Kel! Kel took Micah to the airport on Monday and
saw him off onto the plane. It must have been an emotional experience
because Kel was tired and out of sorts for the rest of the day. I stayed in
the background, not pushing him, just letting him work through it. If he
needed me I was there ready to do whatever he needed. By evening, most of
the crankiness had worn off and he was ready to cuddle.

	There was also no new anonymous letters. I started to relax
finally. Maybe it was all just a Halloween prank. Mike let us off early
Wednesday and I stopped in at Antonine's.  She came out of the back
smiling. The week before I had brought in a ring of Kel's so she could
measure it.

	"They are finished," Antonine said. "Give me just a minute to get
them polished and in a box." I nodded and she returned to her workshop. I
wandered around studying the creations in the glass cases. Not only did she
do jewelry but also delicate sculpture in gold, silver and copper. The
pieces were abstract and most had a flowing contour to them. I was admiring
one that made me think of a waterfall when she returned up front. In her
hands was a small red box. She flipped up the counter and walked over to
me.

	"Do you like it?" She asked gesturing to the sculpture I had been
admiring.

	"Yes," I answered. "I like the way it flows, like water."

	She nodded. "Thank you."

	Antonine handed me the small box. I opened it carefully. Nestled in
a bed of red satin were two gold and black rings. The gold shimmered in
contrast to the deep black jadeite stones and the jadeite glistened against
the gold. The small bands of gold running around the top and bottom of the
ring were so delicate I was almost afraid to breathe on them for fear of
breaking them. I sucked in my breath, they were even MORE beautiful than I
had imagined. Tears prickled behind my eyes.

	"Oh, Antonine," I said breathlessly. "They are beautiful!"

	"Thank you," she said smiling.

	"What did you name them?" I asked remembering that she named all
her creations.

	"They are named Sunrise. The end of the night and the beginning of
illumination." She answered her black eyes pierced mine. Again I wondered
if she could see into my soul.

	I nodded, I liked that name. I would always called them Sunrise. I
paid her the second third of the money owed and hugged her fiercely. I told
her how happy Kel would be, how happy I was and again how beautiful they
were. She smiled and nodded.

	"Jeez, listen to me babble on here," I said blushing.

	"Kaleb sounded the same way, when he picked up his rings. I know
what discrimination is, I have felt it enough in my own life.  I don't envy
you guys your trials one bit." She pat my hand. "Now go and put that on
Kel's finger and show the world you are NOT cowed one bit by ignorance and
hate. And if it doesn`t fit bring Kel in and I`ll resize it. I`ll be here
Saturday."

	I hugged her again. I carried the box tightly in my hand out to the
car. Setting the box down on the passenger seat was almost painful, as if I
had just severed my only connection between Kel and me. I wanted to hold
him so badly now, to feel his arms around me and his lips on mine.

	"Shake it off, Josh!" I laughed and put the car into gear. I
listened to the radio on the way home. Peter Gabriel came on singing "In
Your Eyes." I turned it up and sang along with it.

		In your eyes,
		the light and the heat
		I am complete
		in your eyes.
		I see the doorway to a thousand churches
		in your eyes
		The resolution of all the fruitless searches
		in your eyes
		I see the light and the heat
		in your eyes
		Oh, I want to be complete
		in your eyes
		I want to touch the light
		the heat I see in your eyes."

	I sniffled and wiped tears off my cheeks. Yeah, Peter had it
right. Just to see the love in Kel's eyes. The way he looked at me, the
trust there, I had a knot in my throat thinking about his green eyes
looking up at me. I wiped tears off my face again. My car growled as I
missed changing gears. I shifted smoothly. I wanted my Kel, suddenly I
missed him as much as if I had not seen him for weeks instead of hours.

	The traffic across I-90 slowed me down but once I was across Lake
Washington it thinned out. Most of the traffic headed north toward Bellevue
, but I merged south onto 405 to go to Newcastle, where Kel lived. I was
getting pretty familiar with the area now. No more having to call for help
from a convenience store pay phone!

	I was about nuts by the time I pulled into the driveway at Kel's. I
wanted to hold him so badly. I grabbed the ring box and stuffed it into the
pocket of my jeans. I ran up the side of the garage and stopped just before
reaching the door. I turned and looked at the swinging banners and
windsocks remembering the first time I had walked up to the door. I had
been so nervous! I smiled now and opened the door. Crystal came on the run
from the kitchen, Tova close on her tail. I scratched ears and backs and
received a multitude of kisses.

	Kel appeared from the kitchen. He had a smudge of flour on his nose
and flour on his t-shirt. I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him
close. His arms wrapped around my neck and he returned my kiss
enthusiastically.

	"Yum," he grinned mischievously. "Dog kisses."

	I laughed and hugged him tighter. His hip pressed against the box
in my pants pocket. I was on fire now.

	"Is that a banana in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?"
Kel asked. He reached for my pocket. I grasped his wrist and held his hand
away from my hip.

	"It's a banana. Don't squish it," I answered grinning. He squirmed
his hand loose.

	"Never!" He said with a laugh.

	His eyes asked what was in my pocket. I smiled and shook my
head. "Later" my eyes said. I rubbed the flour off of his nose. He smiled
and pulled the elastic out of my hair. I shook my head, hair flying
outwards. It hadn't been cut in months and was now about an inch or two
below the tops of my shoulders. I was considering growing it just to see
how long it would get! Mitch and I had seen "Dances with Wolves" earlier in
the year and Mitch had pointed out the long haired Indian saying "You
should grow yours out like that, Josh! It would look bitchen on you!" Kel
ran his fingers through it. I sighed in pleasure.

	"I ordered pizza for dinner tonight. The kitchen is a disaster. I
have been baking pies all day!"

	"Yumm! Are you expecting the Supersonics or something tomorrow?" I
teased him.

	He laughed. "It's a special Thanksgiving for me." He ducked his
head, "I want it to be perfect, you and me."

	I tipped his head up. "Anywhere you are, Kel, is perfect for me."

	He smiled. "Thank you, Josh!"

	Kel followed me to the bathroom and leaned against the wall with
the shower door open a crack and rattled on enthusiastically about his
baking. He leaned in and took the washcloth from me and washed my back. I
sighed in pleasure. He also toweled me down when I climbed out of the
shower. I scooped up my clothes and dropped them into the hamper. I'd come
back later for the ring box.

	We made sure the pizza girl was well tipped for her efforts and
carried the boxes, a couple sodas and a roll of paper towels downstairs to
the TV room. Kel and I played Nintendo, ate pizza and watched TV late into
the night. Pizza crusts and the ends of the breadsticks were divided
between Tova and Crystal with small bits going to Keeley and the cats. The
kittens had gotten big enough that there was no place safe to walk anymore!
Kel was worried about keeping all four kittens but he didn't have the heart
to get rid of them either. I promised to ask around and see if I could find
good homes for them.

	Finally very early in the morning, Kel drowsing on my shoulder, I
hooked an arm under his shoulders and pulled us both upright. He fussed
about the mess as I propelled him towards the door.

	"I'll take care of it in the morning," I said softly. "There isn't
anything left the critters can spread around. Let's go to bed."

	Kel shivered and leaned into my arm. He drifted off to sleep almost
as soon as his head hit the pillow. I sat up and read for a little
while. Every now and then my eyes would stray down to him. Thick dark
lashes lying on a pale cheek, I knew what I would be giving thanks for on
the morrow!

	By the time I woke up, Kel was already up. I could smell turkey
cooking and coffee brewing. It was such a homey combination of smells that
suddenly I was feeling homesick. I missed my family more than I wanted to
admit. I had a couple nephews and a niece I had never even met! I was
looking forward to June to see my family no matter how awful some people in
town might be.

	I crawled out of the warm bed and stretched. I was all alone in the
room. I grinned, no doubt the canines weren't going far away from the oven
and turkey!

	"And the cats as well," I muttered visualizing the small kitchen
knee deep in furry creatures. Snagging a pair of jeans off the pile by the
closet, I went to the bathroom then down the hall to the kitchen.

	The kitchen was a paradise of smells. Turkey, coffee and other
wonderful food smells. A man could gain 10 lbs just smelling Kel's kitchen
today! Kel was standing at the stove stirring something in a pot and
singing softly. For the first time I noticed he had a soft pleasant singing
voice. I leaned against the fridge listening. Crystal rubbed against me
begging for petting. Kel turned slightly and saw me. He blushed.

	"Good morning," I said wrapping my arms around his waist.

	"Morning," he answered.

	I kissed him tasting coffee. He leaned in and pull my head
closer. My hands ran up his back caressing him lightly. He moaned in
pleasure.  I raised my head and studied him. The dark tangle of curls,
shimmering green eyes, he was so pretty and so fragile. Kel was wearing a
blue tank top tucked into the pair of jeans with the hole in the knee. As
usual his jeans were tightly belted, but they still rode low on his hips.

	I got a cup of coffee and the bottle of milk and moved around to
the other side of the counter. Sitting there I could watch Kel and talk to
him but not get in his way. I loved to watch him move: he was so graceful,
smooth and sleek. I felt so in love with him right now. I thought about the
rings in my jeans pocket in the hamper.

	"When should I give it to him?" I wondered to myself. I was so
eager to see his face when he saw it. I went back and forth between now and
after dinner. I finally decided that I wanted to give it to him when he'd
have the time to appreciate it and not be distracted by the other things he
was doing. Also I wanted it to be romantic. So definitely after dinner.

	After finishing my cup of coffee I decided to take a shower. I was
just relaxing under the spray of hot water and stroking my semi hard cock
when the shower door slid open. Kel stepped in grinning.

	"Is this a private party or can anyone join?" He asked wrapping his
hand around mine.  The added pressure on my cock hardened it instantly.

	"Please come in," I said.

	I stepped back and Kel shut the shower door. I ran my hands up his
arms and cradled his face in my hands. He smiled but never let go of my
cock. I pulled his face to me. Our lips met and the world slipped away. All
I knew, all I felt, all I heard was Kel and the shower. Hot water pounded
on my back. His mouth was sweet with the taste of everything he had been
cooking as well as the sweetness that was Kel. Kel's free hand stroked my
body, sliding smoothly through the water. Involuntarily, I broke off the
kiss, my head falling backwards. Kel's hand ran up my body and across my
pecs. A soft moan escaped my lips.

	"Kel," I said softly.

	He laid his fingers against my lips. A touch so soft, so ethereal I
had to look to make sure they really were there. I leaned down to kiss him
again. For awhile there was nothing but the hot shower and Kel in my
arms. Kel's lips explored my jaw line and my neck. I hissed as he sucked at
my neck. There would be a mark, I was certain. Kel pressed me against the
shower wall. His lips worked their way down my neck and shoulders. I moaned
and held his head in my hands.

	Kel's teeth teased my nipples giving me momentarily
lightheadedness. My knees shook and I felt my back start to slide down the
wall. Cold, then hot tiles against my back. Kel's hands supported me,
holding firm to my hips. Control of my knees returned and I was able to
stand again. His tongue lapped at the water on my belly, teasing my
abs. I'd never have a "six pack" But the muscles there were firm and hard
anyway. Kel's tongue slid lower. My hands clenched in his hair.

	"Kel, oh God, Kel," I moaned.

	Hot shower water splattered against my chest and belly, Kel tongue
followed lines of fire down to my groin. I twisted in pleasure as he
swallowed my cock. Wet hair brushed my belly. Kel slid down, then pulled up
over and over again. My head and body exploded in fire. Fire raced out to
my fingertips and down to my toes. I shook and twisted my shoulders and
head. My breath seemed to clog in my throat and I struggled to breathe.

	Suddenly it felt as if my body was actually going to explode; my
back arched as I shot load after load down Kel's throat. My knees shook and
my hands gripped his hair.

	"KELLLLLLLLL!" I screamed, my body shaking violently.

	Kel shot to his feet and wrapped himself around me. I slammed the
water off and flung the shower door open so hard it bounced and shut. I
pushed it open again and stepped out, my arms supporting Kel as I carried
him into the bedroom and dropped him on the bed. He lay there looking at
me, water streaming off his sides. I was almost out of my head when I
dropped onto him, my mouth seeking his blindly. I devoured him as if he
were the Thanksgiving feast. I wanted him, his body, his heart and mostly
his love. Far away I could hear his cries and my name repeated over and
over, but all I knew was my desire for him, my need to feel, taste and
drown in his body. I loved him, needed him, craved him.

	Somehow, we did actually get a shower that morning. Afterwards we
dressed each other and changed the sheets on the bed. Kel dug deep into his
closet and found a black, soft sweater with a high collar made of a thick
yarn. He stood for a moment looking at it in his hands. When he looked up
at me his eyes were glassy with unshed tears.

	"Kara made this for me." He looked down then up. "Just after I
proposed to her." He sighed and pulled the sweater over his head.

	"Kel.."  I said softly.

	I turned and walked into the bathroom. Now was the moment. I found
the small red box in my jeans. My hand clenched over it. When I returned to
the bedroom, Kel was standing at the window between the closet and wall. He
turned to look at me. His eyes were haunted. The sweater on him looked
adorable, as I am sure Kara well knew it would. His dark curls tangled with
the turtle neck collar and framed his face almost heart breakingly. I
stopped and sucked in my breath. God, how I loved this man.

	"Josh, I'm sorry. I won't mention Kara again.." his voice tapered
off.

	I crossed the room rapidly and pulled him into my arms. He wrapped
his arms around my neck and clung to me. I backed him up to the bed. He
toppled backwards into the tangled blankets pulling me along with him.  I
kissed him.

	"Kel," I said breathily. "I have you. I don't care if you talk
about Kara or Micah or any other FORMER lover. They aren't here, I AM! Oh
Kel, I love you so much!"

	Kel wrapped his arms around my neck and pulled me down close to
him. Our lips met in a kiss that penetrated to my very soul. I felt him in
the same way I felt my heartbeat. I raised my head. His eyes shimmered and
he was smiling. I rolled onto my side and pulled him close.

	"Kel," I said softly. "I can't knit but maybe this will make up for
it."

	I held up the red box. Kel's eyes widened and he sucked in his
breath audibly. His hand gripped my hand. He twisted his head sharply to
look me in the eyes.

	"Is that what I think it is?" He asked in a voice barely louder
than a whisper.

	I nodded. His head swiveled back to look at my hand. I thumbed the
lid open. The rings shimmered in the light. Kel sucked in his breath.

	"Oh my God," He whispered. "O my God, Josh!" Tears were running
down his face. He cradled the box and my hand in his hands.

	"Please, Kel, will you be mine. Will you be the one I trust to be
there for me? Will you accept my love, my body and anything else I have to
give you? Will you be my man, now and forever?"

	Kel surged into my arms knocking me over onto my back. His arms
were wrapped in a chokehold around my neck. He sobbed loudly into my
hair. I stroked his back and held him. My own breathing was coming in fits
and starts and tears were flowing down my face.

	"Josh.. oh Josh.. yes, yes, yes, Josh!" Kel repeated those words
over and over again.

	 After several minutes he relaxed against me. I rolled sideways and
laid the ring box on his belly. He stared at it hardly daring to
breath. His ring was smaller, his fingers being thinner and more delicate
than mine. I slipped it on his left ring finger. The gold and black
shimmered against his skin. He stared at it transfixed. I leaned down and
kissed him.

	"Kel, I love you and I will love you forever, I promise." I nodded
at his hand. "This is my promise."

 	Kel grabbed the ring box off his belly and rolled over onto his
knees. He pulled the larger ring out and looked at it. The jadeite winked
in pleasure. He looked at me and took my left hand. The gold was cool for a
moment then heat flowed up my hand to my arm. I sucked in my breath this
time and felt fresh tears start down my cheeks.

	"Josh," Kel stopped a puzzled look on his face. For once words had
escaped him. " For a man who makes his living assembling words, I am
strangely at a loss for any words to express my feelings. To say I am happy
is silly. Ice cream makes me happy and this is a far more intense
feeling. I am overflowing, I am going to explode! I am ecstatic. I am
filled with more feeling than I ever thought possible. I am..." he trailed
off.

 	I reached up and stroked his face. He purred softly. His hair was
soft and damp against my fingers.

	"Josh, I promise to be here for you. I will give you all the love
in my heart. `For the dream that danced into my life and promised to
protect me always. To the voice I adore and the smile I drown in. Always
and forever to Josh'."

	I crushed him to me. At that moment I had no plans whatsoever of
EVER letting go of him. However, a crash in the kitchen sent him flying to
find out who had gotten into what. I laid there for several minutes awash
in emotion.

	The rest of the day was anti-climatic. We both walked around with
silly grins on our faces. And every so often Kel would grab my left hand
and kiss the ring. I made a silly joke about not being the Pope and we both
laughed but it didn't stop him. We were both floating in a haze of emotion
and love. Together, bound by love, a love symbolized by the twin rings on
our hands.  Together we would celebrate our life, our love and our belief
in the power of that love.


February 29, 2004

So do I win a late Valentine's Prize? Hey, if anyone has written me and NOT
gotten a response please write me again! And make sure to put something
relating to the story in your subject line. I get bushels of spam that just
says hi. I have retrieved a few out of the junk folder BECAUSE they said
Josh or Micah.