Date: Mon, 11 Nov 2002 16:17:33 -0800 (PST)
From: Terence Audette <taarob@yahoo.com>
Subject: Lost and Found

I rolled on my side and shoved my hands between my knees.  I
thought that I heard a sound but scrunched more deeply into
the warmth of the blankets.  Again the sound.... maybe the
phone.....yeah, the phone.  I reached out and snatched it,
pulling it back into the warmth of the covers with me.

It felt cold next to my face.  "Yeah?"

"You awake boss?"

"Oh fuck!  Yeah Rosie.  What's up?"  I reached out with my
other hand and turned on the light, the harsh glare making
me close my eyes.

"Things are down big time in Europe and you've got a nice
profit.  You thinking of sitting on that or you want me to
cash it in?"

I sat up in bed, finally waking up.  "No.  I wanna keep all
of those short postions.  I think we're gonna see a few
weeks of this."  I leaned my head back against the headboard
of the bed and closed my eyes.  "I think they wanna scare
the crap out of everybody so I'm just gonna ride with it."
I looked down at my dick sticking up, I pushed it down with
my finger and then let it slap back up.  Reaching down to
the end of the bed I grabbed my bathrobe pulling it up and
over my shoulders.

"Okay.  You comin in?"

"Yeah Rosie, couple of hours, maybe less."

"See ya then boss."

"Later Rosie."  I pushed the off button on the phone and
laid it on the nightstand.

I wrapped my terrycloth bathrobe around me tight.  The room
felt cold and looking outside the day looked like it was
going to be a typical November day, cold, overcast and
depressing.  Dried leafs were being blown across the barely
visible yard.  In the bathroom I peed and then stared at
myself in the mirror.

"Asshole!"  I thought.  "Janet thinks you're an asshole,
your kids think you're an asshole, not only an asshole but a
pervert.  Well, don't be unfair to Janet, she thinks you're
a pervert too."

Looking at myself in the mirror I said out loud.  "They're
young.  They'll come to feel differently."

I stepped on the scale then got off it and started to get
into the shower when I realized that I hadn't even looked at
my weight.  I got outta the shower and weighed myself again.
The same 180 pounds that it always is.  I stepped back in
front of the mirror and made a muscle.  "Not bad, not bad at
all."

In the shower I jerked off like I always did, wondering how
many gallons of cum I had rinsed down this drain over the
years.  What if the markets in Europe rallied?  You'll get
creamed.  They won't rally. They'll keep falling.

I shaved and walked naked back into my bedroom and then into
my closet.  I dug out a pair of boxers, slipped them on and
then stepped into a pair of soft flannel slacks in a
delicate gray, then a deep maroon shirt of very soft wool
with long sleeves and a few inches of zipper at the throat.
It occurred to me that I had never seen these clothes
before.  William in San Francisco just sent them.  Every
season he sends me clothes.  I was suppose to send them back
if I didn't like them but I never did because I'd feel
stupid doing that and from time to time he'd call to see if
I liked them and I always said yes and thanked him even
though most of the time I didn't know what he'd sent.  I had
a lot of clothes.

The leather seats in the car were cold and I could see my
breath.  I pushed the button in the visor and the garage
door went up and I pulled out into the cold morning.  I
looked at my house in the rearview mirror.  It looked dead
or sleeping or some shit like that, depressing.  I knew that
Ralph would be coming soon and then the house would come
alive.  Ralph had a way of doing that.  When I got back, the
house would be a home, bright with lights and a fire in the
fireplace, Ella on the stereo and the smell of food cooking.
Janet let me keep Ralph.  Well the truth is that she didn't
have a choice.   He didn't like her, she had always been a
bitch to him.

I drove down the blacktop road that led from my house to the
main road, the cold of the road coming through in the sound
of the tires on it.  Things were pretty quiet, it was still
early.  Looking left and right I could see a few sets of
headlights and taillights heading north and south.  I turned
the car south and brought it quickly up to highway speed.  I
love this car.  I don't usually dwell much on material
things but I love this car.  I glanced at myself in the
rearview mirror.  "Bond, James Bond" I laughed out loud.

As I approached the Wisconsin-Illinois border I saw the rest
area and realized that I had to pee.  I slowed the car and
looked for cops.  I needed to cut across the center strip of
the highway to get easily to the rest area and that was
illegal.  The coast was clear and I swung into the area
normally used only by the cops and headed north to the
entrance to the rest stop.  Well actually it was more than
that.  In warmer weather it served as a greeting center for
people visiting the state and during warm weather the place
would be crammed with tourists.  They gave away maps and
brochures and could really be pretty helpful but now that
part of it was closed down and just the toilets were open,
the main part of the building closed and shuttered.  An old
van was pulling out as I was pulling in.

I got out of the car and walked quickly under the bright
floodlights to the john, the wind was cold and I was anxious
to get back to the warm car.  I pulled open the steel door
and started walking to the urinals my footsteps echoing
against the concrete block walls.  I had never even thought
to look at the stalls but now I could hear a sound coming
from them.  It was a gurgling sound and almost a whimper.  I
finished peeing and flipped my dick back in my boxers and
cautiously looked over toward the stalls, I couldn't see
anything at first but when I stepped back I saw something
that looked like a bundle of fabric in the last stall.  I
tried to look in the stall without getting too close and
then the whimpering sound again.  I moved slowly to the door
of the stall.

It was a man, or more accurately a boy.  He was in dark,
torn clothing and his black hair was matted with blood, his
legs were splayed out at an odd angle.  His right arm was on
top of the toilet seat and his head layed against the gray
concrete block wall.  There was blood pumping out of his
nose and draining out of his mouth.  His face was badly
bruised and beginning to swell.  I must have said "Oh fuck!"
out loud because he opened his eyes and looked at me with a
look of complete horror.  He held up his left arm as if to
ward off a blow.

I held up my palms to indicate that I didn't intend to hurt
him.  "It's okay buddy, it's okay.  I'm gonna help ya."  I
grabbed my cell phone and dialed 911.  As I was explaining
what I had found he was trying to stop me but since he
couldn't move it consisted of plaintively waiving his left
hand.  Once I had closed the phone I looked at him and he
dropped his hand in total defeat.  Then looking right at me
with tears in his eyes he said.  "Hurts."  His eyes were a
bright blue and were electrifying even under these
circumstances.  I reached out slowly and lightly touched the
top of his hand.

"You're gonna be okay."  I gestured toward the door.
"They're coming, you'll be okay."

He rolled his head slowly and looked up at me.  He closed
his eyes for a moment and then opened them again.
"Doesn't.....matter."  There was another pulse of blood from
his nose.

                         ----------------------

The flashing lights of the ambulance were pulling away when
the officer came over to me, the leather of his jacket
creaking.  "Mr. Palmer can we get your phone number?  I
don't suspect we'll need it but ya never know."

"Sure.  I'm going to the office."  I pulled out my wallet.
"Here's my card.  You can always get me through there."  I
turned to walk to my car but stopped and turned back.

"What's gonna happen to the kid officer?"

He was writing in a notebook and looked up.  "They'll take
him to the county hospital.  I'll probably interview him
there once they clean him up and stabilize him.  It's hard
to know if there's something seriously wrong with him.  I
don't think so, just a bad beating but we won't know till
the doc's get a look at him."  He looked directly at me.
"You get used to it.  I mean, I know that it's shocking, the
violence, blood."  His voice trailed off.

"What's the kids name officer?"

"No idea.  No wallet, no ID of any kind and he wouldn't give
us his name.  He's terrified.   When something like this
happens, especially to someone young, it more than scary it
takes a big emotional toll.  They probably told him that
they'd come back and get him.   Some shit like that and they
also probably rolled him."

Somehow I didn't think that that was it.  There had been
more than physical pain on the boy's face, a kind of agony
of the spirit that seemed to go deeper.

A minute later I was back on the road on my way to the
office but that face was before me.  "Doesn't matter."  Why
would he say that unless there was so little to his life
that it really didn't matter, that it really didn't matter
whether he lived or died.  Five more miles down the road I
pulled over to the shoulder of the road and sat, thinking.
Finally I tapped the accelerator and the car sprang forward.
I turned hard left and drove through the center of the
highway again and headed back.  I picked up the car phone
and called Rosie.

"Sweetheart, I need you to do some stuff."  Rosie is my
secretary, well, more my assistant.  She's a black lady
who's about 5'4" and about two hundred and fifty pounds.
She's also got a brain that I'd put up against IBM's best.

"First of all, as we speak there's an ambulance headed for
the county hospital.  In it is a guy with black hair and
blue eyes, maybe twenty years old, who's been beaten up.
Call the hospital and see to it that he's taken care of.
I'm on my way there but I want their best effort."

"Next call my doctor and have him recommend someone on the
hospital staff to treat the kid, somebody good.  And don't
let him give ya that shit that they're all good.  Next call
Callin & Callin and have them send an attorney over there to
represent the kid.  The cops'll be talking to him and......I
just want him... not to be alone."  I took a breath.
"Any questions Rosie?"

She was clicking with her tongue at the thought of the
violence involved.  "Not about this but you got a second?"

"Sure Rosie."

"Well that dumbass real estate agent has been calling about
that land.  You want it?"

"Yeah but I don't wanna pay what they want."

"Boss," she said indulgently, "that's a given."

"Well...get it for me Rosie, but cheap."

"But Rosie, this other stuff first.  It's important."

"Boss, you can't see it but I'm already dialin."

                              -------------------

The wonderful thing about Rosie is that you don't have to
spell things out for her.  In a way it's a little scary,
like she's reading my mind but the upside is worth it.  As I
was pulling up to the hospital so was the attorney from
Callin & Callin.  God only knew what Rosie had said to get a
lawyer over here that quickly but it was the sort of thing
she pulled off every day.

The guy saw me and was buttoning up his overcoat as he
walked over holding out his hand.  "You must be Mr. Palmer."
We shook hands.  "Your secretary said to look for a blond
guy in a BMW.  I'm Michael Worthington."

"You made good time."  He was a nice looking guy, dark brown
hair cut fairly short and warm brown eyes or maybe hazel.

"I was already up," he smiled, "ready to leave for the
office anyway."

We started walking to the emergency room entrance.
"Somebody beat this kid, beat em pretty bad.  The kid is
scared, won't even give his name.  I have no reason to
believe that he did anything or is guilty of anything but I
want you there to protect him."

"Can I ask what the connection is?  I mean between you and
the kid?"

I looked at him for a second, wondering.  "No connection."
I thought of those blue eyes.  "I just found him."

I stopped just as we were approaching the nurses stand in
the emergency room.  Michael kept walking for a second
before he realized that I had stopped then he walked back to
me.  "Problem?"

"You go.  Do the lawyer thing and then come and tell me.
I'll," I looked around, "I'll be in the coffee shop."

I followed the signs to the coffee shop and was working on
my second cup when Michael slid in to the other side of the
booth.  He had an odd look on his face and he raised his
hand almost like he wanted to stop the very words coming out
of his mouth.

"Mr. Palmer, I'm so sorry but.....the boy is dead."  He
hurried on.  `They don't know why yet....  His words just
trailed off.

The words made me feel like I had walked into a fog, an ice
blue, acid fog.  "Oh.  Oh god."  I dropped my eyes to the
table.  "I should have stayed with him.  He said it didn't
matter and I should have known."  I looked up into Michael's
eyes.  "If I had stayed with him I could have made him hang
on.....I.  You see?  I coulda stopped him.  He said that it
didn't matter what happened to him but I coulda made him
understand that people cared."  I closed my eyes and all
that I could see was the boys face with those blue eyes
staring at me, burning into my brain, asking why I didn't
stay with him.  I wasn't really aware of the fact that I was
dropping my forehead to the table but then I could feel my
head resting on my hands.  I felt certain that I could hear
someone crying in the distance, like maybe down the hall,
sobbing uncontrollably.  Then Michael was pulling me out of
the booth.

I felt more devastated then when my Dad died, worse than the
divorce or even when my kids told me they hated me.  How did
that boy become so important to me?  What had I invested in
his existence that I didn't realize that I had?

I felt Michael's hands on my arms and then he was gently
pulling me out of the passenger side of his car, supporting
me and walking me to his townhouse.  It was so quick he must
live only a minute or two from the hospital.  I could still
hear the crying and it was getting louder.  I felt Michael
sit me down on a sofa and then he wasn't there and then he
was back and gave me a damp towel but it was like I didn't
know what to do with it it was just lying in my hands and
the Michael took it and wiped my face.  I was beginning to
feel like I was coming back together and I knew that I was
the one crying but it was beginning to stop.  I could feel
Michael gently put his arm on my back and then he pulled me
to him, I was actually half lying against him, his left arm
was around me and I think that I had finally stopped crying
although every minute or so I would be slammed with another
wave of emotion and it would start again but only for a few
seconds.

"Fuck Michael, I'm so sorry!  You couldn't have figured on
me going nuts.  I sure didn't."

Michael spoke tentatively.  "I thought maybe you....and the
boy were like boyfriends....or something."

I looked at him blankly.  "How did you know that I was gay?"

"Your divorce.  The whole state knows that you're gay."

"Shit."  I rubbed my eyes with my hands.  "I keep
forgetting.  Your question, attitude, this mean that you're
gay too?"

"Yep, queen city."

"Michael, I'm so sorry this, happened?  I don't ever
collapse like this!"

"It's okay, I liked holding you.   I liked that you cared
enough about a stranger to react like this."

I twisted around so that I could look at Michael, there was
a slight smile on his face.  "That a come on?"

"Well, kinda.  The firm frowns on fraternizing with clients
so I'm kinda taking a chance.  I'm hoping that if you don't
go for me at least you won't rat on me."

"Michael, convince me that I'm not to blame for that kids
death."

"You already know that you're not."

"Why do I feel so fucking horrible?"

"Well, it is horrible but it isn't a horror that you caused
or could have changed.  You were just a witness, not really
a participant."

"I won't rat on you Michael.  I mean regardless, I wouldn't
rat on you but would you come to my house tonight for
dinner?  I need to be with another gay guy for a while.
Does that make any sense?  I can't be emotional with
straight people like I can a gay guy."  I didn't know how to
explain, without feeling like a fool, that after the
emotional breakdown that he had just helped me through, that
I felt a closeness to him that I couldn't remember having
felt for anyone else.

Michael wrapped his arm just a bit more tightly around my
chest.  "Is this like a date dinner or more like client and
lawyer dinner?"

"Date dinner, slash, getting to know you better dinner.  But
look just because I'm a client.....I mean, don't attach any
significance to that.  Don't feel like it's something ya
gotta do because that's not the case.  "

"Well, in that case, what time should I be there?"

"Early.  Whenever you can get there or wanna be there."  I
put my hand over Michael's.  "And dress casual, not GQ
coverboy casual but comfortable like you'd wanna be at
home."

Michael smiled at me.  "You don't like coverboys?"

"I guess they're okay when they're on covers but I wanna
know the real Michael.  I need to be with a real person
right now."  Michael bent his head and buried his nose in my
hair.

"Why does your hair smell so good?"

I kinda laughed.  "I dunno.  It could be that stuff they
send me.  I think that's what I've been putting on it."

Michael rolled his eyes.  His eyes were hazel and kind and
he spoke with exquisite softness and also a gently huskiness
to his voice.  "You know, I think it's like a law that gay
guys gotta know what they use on their hair.  How can you
not know that?"  He slightly raised an eyebrow and there was
a sexy crinkling at the corner of his eye.

"Well see I got this guy in San Francisco.  He works at that
big men's store there.  I can never think of the name, it's
right by Union Square.  Well anyway, years ago I got this
guy to do like my shopping for me, like for clothes and
stuff and even toiletries.  God I hate shopping.  Anyway in
the spring and the fall William, that's his name, sends me
clothes for whatever season is coming up and also this
shaving stuff and hair stuff.  He said to send back whatever
I don't like but I usually just keep it.  I know Ralph clips
off the tags and hangs the stuff up."

"Ralph?"  Michael said a little loudly.

"He worked for my Dad, he's kinda old.  After dad died Ralph
just came to work for me.  He's great!  He takes care of the
house and cooks and stuff."  I felt it coming and lowered my
head.  "Oh!"

Michael reacted instantly.  "What?  You okay?"

"The boy!  Oh god!"  Michael pulled me against his chest and
kissed my forehead.

"Hang on.  It'll pass.  Remember, you were only a witness.
You are not to blame."

"Keep telling me.  I wanna believe it."

                    --------------------------------

"He's dead Rosie.  The boy died."  At this point I sure was
no judge of how my voice was sounding but probably not good.
"I let the ambulance take him but I shoulda stayed with
him."

"Boss, I just talked to the hospital and that boy died of
internal injuries.  That's what the doctor told me and I
questioned him plenty about it too.  There ain't nothing you
coulda done and you did a damn site more than most people
woulda done."

"Rosie I want you to hire detectives.  I want to know why.
I want to know who did that to the boy."

Rosie was silent for a few seconds.  "I'll do it right away
boss but......talk to Michael about it.....for me."

"Rosie, how the hell do you know about Michael?"

"Boss you ask me to send an attorney for ya you gotta know
that I'm gonna know somethin about him."

"You know he was gay?"

"Hmmmm.  Well, I didn't know, not exactly."

"What do ya know about him?"

`Well let's see.  He's twenty-nine, never married, brown
hair, hazel eyes, bout six feet tall, looks to be about your
weight, went to law school at the University of Chicago and
he specializes in mergers and acquisitions.  I was a little
disappointed in that but I couldn't find a criminal lawyer
and such short notice."

"I don't suppose you know what he likes to eat, he's comin
to dinner tonight?"

"Boss that's a set up for cheapass joke so I'm just sayin
he'll be happy with whatever Ralph fixes you guys."

I laughed for the first time in hours.  "Rosie I'm goin
home.  I gonna take a nice hot bath and relax."

"Whatever you need to do but if it was me I'd wait and take
that bath with Michael."

"Oh lord, good bye Rosie!"

                         ---------------------------

"Ralph, there'll be another person for dinner."  I dropped
my car keyes in the bowl in the kitchen.

"Yes sir.  Rosie already called me."  Ralph's voice, as
always, was calm and modulated.  "I thought a nice stuffed
roasted chicken with oven roasted potato's, asparagus and a
tossed salad with sauted pecans and feta cheese.  And I
have a few baguets of French bed from that new bakery."

"God that sounds wonderful Ralph!"  My muscles felt sore
from the tension of the day.  "I'm gonna have a martini and
a hot bath."

"Sir you go ahead and I'll bring you in the martini."

"Thanks Ralph."   I took a few steps and then turned back to
him.  "Ralph how the hell does that woman keep all this
stuff in her head?"

Ralph laughed.  "Sir, she been like that since she was a
little girl.  She started working for your dad when she was
sixteen and when he saw what he had there he made her go to
school.'  He laughed again and shook his head slowly.  "She
sure is somethin."

I had just slid into the hot soapy water when the intercom
buzzed.  "Sir, Michael Worthington is here for you."

"Ask him what he likes to drink Ralph and send him up."

Moments later Michael stood at the doorway looking at me.
"I had hoped to get you pretty much into this position but I
thought it was gonna take longer."

I laughed.  "Okay, strip down and get in."  Michael was
wearing jeans a green sweatshirt and loafers.

"You are kidding?"

"Nope.  Okay, I do promise not to look until you get into
the water and the tub is big enough for four."

"What about Ralph?"  Michael had kicked off his shoes and
was stripping off his socks.

"Ralph won't bat an eye.  Besides it's his problem."
Michael had pulled his sweatshirt off over his head.  Nice
chest, a little hairy.

He unzipped his jeans and I could see the white of his
underwear.  "Okay, you promised that you wouldn't look.  I
feel dumb enough already."

I laughed.  "Okay, okay, I'm covering my eyes."  I put my
hands over my eyes and could first hear Michael pulling off
his jeans and the felt him getting in the tub.

After he was settled across from me I dropped my hands and
looked at him. "Boy did I wanna cheat!"

Michael laughed and looked down for a second.

There was a discreet knock on the door and then Ralph came
in with two glasses and a small pitcher of martini's.
Ralph's face was a study in nonchalance.  "Sir dinner should
be ready in less than an hour."  Then added delicately.
"I'll buzz you on the intercom."

"Thanks Ralph."

Michael looked up rather sheepishly and also said.  "Yes,
thanks Ralph."

I reached over and poured us each a drink.  Handing Michael
his I said.  "Don't talk, don't even think until you've had
this."

Michael laughed, took his drink and leaned back in the tub.
My bathtub is huge, you could easily fit four people in it.
I took a strong swallow of my drink and laid my head back
against the tub closing my eyes.  In a little while I felt
movement in the water and when I opened my eyes Michael was
sitting next to me rather than across from me.

He gave me a lopsided grin.  "I got lonely over there."

Reaching down into the water with his right hand he laced
his fingers through mine.  I thought for a second that I
might start to cry again but it passed.

I looked at Michael.  "Thanks for being there today.  I
couldn't have gotten through it without you."

"I was glad to help.  I've seen you from time to time when
you've come into the office."  He turned his head shyly back
toward the water.  "I always wanted to meet you but well, it
just never happened."  Then he seemed to think of something
and said.  "I don't mean that I wanted to meet you for
business.  It's just that when I moved here from the Chicago
area I didn't know anyone and working where I work it's not
like I can go running around to the bars."  He looked at me
with his brow furrowed and a vulnerable look on his face.
"I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm lonely."

I looked at Michael and then quickly looked away, when I
looked back I said.  "I don't think that you're gonna have
that problem anymore."

He never took his eyes from mine but asked.  "Jeff, since
we're sitting here together naked would you mind if I kissed
you?"

I spoke softly.  "I'd like that.  Actually I think that I
really need that."

Michael slid his right hand slowly behind my back and then
reached over me with his left hand and pulled my face
towards him while he moved toward me.  As his lips were
touching mine I could feel his left leg slide between my
legs and our cocks press together.  His arms around me were
strong and the kiss was deep and confident.  In a minute or
so he pulled his head back and stared into my eyes.

He spoke quietly, his mouth a fraction of an inch from mine.
"You know, you can let go if you want.  If you need to cry
or scream or anything in between, it's okay.  Or if you just
want me to hold you."  He smiled.  "It's not like I don't
want to anyway."

I swung my right leg over Michael so that I was straddling
him, we both had hardon's and we both ignored them.  I laid
my chin on Michael's shoulder while sitting in his lap
facing him.

"It's just that he had his whole life ahead of him and the
more that I think of it he knew that he was dying and he
said that it didn't matter."  I lifted my head and looked at
Michael.  "Didn't matter!  I wanna hire detectives to find
out what happened but Rosie said that I should talk to you
first."

Michael looked puzzled.  "Rosie?"

"She's the lady that talked to you this morning."

"Oh god!  My interview for a job with the firm was easier.
What does she do for you?"

"Geez, Rosie does everything.  I mean we've got about twenty
people with the company but Rosie...well, first she's my
assistant but that doesn't do her justice.  I don't know
what she said to you this morning but I can imagine.  But
look at it this way, isn't that what you'd want done for
you?"  I smiled at him.  "Besides, she likes you."

"You're fucking kidding?  She likes me?  But she doesn't
even know me and she sure didn't sound like she liked me
this morning."

I laughed and told him the statistics that Rosie had on him.
"But she didn't know you were gay.  And she doesn't know how
good a kisser you are, although she's probably already made
and educated guess at that.  When I told her I was going
home and take a hot bath she suggested that I wait and take
it with you."  I laid my head back and turned it toward
Michael.  "Also she and Ralph form a network.  It may sound
weird but it's kinda comforting.  By the time I got home
Ralph already knew that some deep shit had happened and he
was planning a comfort food dinner.  And like sometimes I'll
have to meet with investors in a more formal way and then
Ralph will have laid out whatever I need to wear.  They
communicate."

The intercom buzzed and I reached over Michael to press the
button.  "Sir, the dinner is ready and I've just placed it
in the warming oven.  Sir, if you don't mind serving
yourselves I'll be headed home."

"Thanks Ralph, hi to Harriet."

"Good night sir."

After I clicked off the intercom Michael wrapped his arms
around me and pulled my head down for another kiss, his head
tilted and his tongue deep in my mouth.

I pulled my head back.  "God you taste good."  I stood up
and taking Michael by the hand pulled him gently out of the
tub.  "Time to eat."  When I looked at the wall where my
bathrobe usually hangs I had to laugh.  There were now two
bathrobes hanging there.  I showed Michael.  "See, they
network."

On our way to the kitchen I gave Michael a tour of the
house.  "This area where my bedroom is also contains my
office and a workout room."  We walked further down the
hallway until we were next to the front door.  I pointed
left.  "All the way down is the living room, over here to
the right is the rec room.  You can also get to the kitchen
that way.  Pointing at the stairs just to our left.  "These
take you up to a few spare bedrooms.  Of course when I had
the kids here they used two of them."  As we walked on past
the front door, "dining room to our right and right ahead of
us is the way that you came in.  To the right leads to the
side door, laundry room and garage and to the left the
kitchen."

Michael was shaking his head slowly.  "Holy shit this place
is big!"  There was an odd tone to his voice.

"Michael, my dad started The Palmer Company a long time ago.
It was a successful business when I was a little kid and
then after I got outta college he brought me into the
company and taught me."  I took Michael's hand while I was
talking.  "Not counting today, I work really hard.  There
are a lotta people who depend on me, employees and investors
and I take it seriously.  But I guess the point that I'm
making is that the hard part was done for me.  So don't be
too impressed."

Michael turned to me and smiled, then he slowly opened my
bathrobe and wrapped his arms around my naked body and
pulled me to him.  "Ya know, for a rich kid, you're a pretty
nice guy."

"Awe shucks, you're just tryin to get into my pants."

Michael dropped his hands lower until they were on my butt.
"But your not wearin any pants."

"Then you're tryin to get into my.........maybe we better
eat."

                         ------------------------

The kitchen table looked like a chicken had exploded on it
and Michael and I were leaning back in our chairs.  "I can
see why you like Ralph.  Everything he cook this good?"

"Pretty much."

"What was that sauce?"

"Ahhhh, I think he just adds wine to the pan and boils it
all down and then adds heavy cream."

Michael grabbed his waist.  "Cream!  Heavy cream!  I must
have had a cup of that!"

I tilted my head to the side and smiled.  "Michael, you have
a, what, thirty-four inch waist and sixpack abs.  I think
you can handle the cream."  I got up and walked over to
Michael and straddled his lap facing him, we still had on
our bathrobes but had long since quit worrying about whether
or not they were closed.  "How about some coffee in the
living room?"

Michael reached down and while gently cupping my balls
looked up into my eyes.  "How about some cock in the living
room?"

"Nope I'm saving the cock for later, now it's coffee time."
I got up and pulled him up.  We poured a couple of mugs of
coffee and walked into the living room.  The fireplace was
lit and I turned on some quiet music.  The logs in the
fireplace had burned down since Ralph had started them and
Michael and I threw a couple more on, poking them until they
lit.

We were cuddled together on the sofa with the only light
coming from the fireplace and a small lamp in the corner of
the room.  Michael pointed at the piano and asked.  "You
play?"

"No, my mom does.  I took lessons for years but don't
remember a thing."

"Where's your mom live?"

"She's got a house in town but she goes to Florida in
October and doesn't come back until May."  I smiled at him.
"Don't worry, she won't walk in.  Since the whole gay thing
became common knowledge she gives me a lotta space.  She's
gotten very close to my ex-wife, which of course gives her
access to the kids."

Michael sat up a bit.  "That's right, I forgot about the
kids."

"They're trying to do the same with me."

Michael was leaning his head on his hand and put the other
one on my chest.  "How you dealin with that?"  His eyes were
echoing the flames in the fireplace.

I covered his hand with mine.  "Not much I can do about it
right now.  It seems like everything that I try to do only
makes things worse.  So I'm just kinda laying back.  I call
them a couple of times a week and am mostly met with silence
but I'm hoping that eventually they'll realize that I'm
doing it because I do care.  Anyway, right now I'm the
asshole pervert that ruined their lives."

Michael put his hand on the side of my face and turned it to
him.  "That's not the guy I saw today.  The guy I met today
is a kind, smart, loving guy, not an asshole and sure as
hell not a pervert."  He smiled.  "Okay, so maybe a little
bit of a pervert."  I gave him a dirty look.  "Hey ya knew
me for a half a day and you're taken a bath with me!"

"Well you shit!"  I pushed Michael backwards so that he was
lying on his back on the sofa.  I climbed on top of him and
pushed his arms back against the cushions.  "Ya know it's
not like you fought too hard to keep your clothes on!"

Michael was laughing.  "You do realize that you're sitting
with your naked butt on top of a dick that has been hard for
the last three hours?"

I bent forward laying my chest on top of Michael's and my
face next to his buried in his neck.  "You saved me
today....and I don't just mean because of the death of the
boy.  You brought something into my life that's never really
been there.  I thought that it was there with Janet but I
know now that that was just something I hoped was there, it
was never real."  I pushed myself up so that I could look
Michael in the eye.  "But......don't let me push you into
something you don't want.  I can do that sometimes.  If you
want to be just friends that's okay but I'm hoping it'll be
more than that."

Michael pulled my face back down to his and kissed me and
then rolled me off to the side so that we were lying face to
face.  He was rubbing the back of his knuckles over my
chest.

He spoke very softly but firmly.  "When I was a sophmore in
college I was walking down the hall in the dorm one evening
and it suddenly hit me that all those feelings that I had
been having for men my whole life meant that I was a faggot.
Not gay, because I didn't think in those terms then but a
faggot.  I went to bed and stayed there for two days.

I was afraid to be around other guys because maybe they'd
know, so as soon as I could, I got an apartment off campus.
During the day I went to school and was just a normal
college guy and at night I would come home, eat and then
take the gun that I bought outta my dresser, cock it and sit
on the sofa watching TV with it in my lap, hoping to get up
the guts to pull the trigger.  I can remember that the
mornings were the worst, when you're almost awake but not
quite and you can't really feel anything yet and I'd think
that maybe I had dreamt it and that I was really straight
and then it would all come back to me in a wave, a sickening
wave.  Well, that went on for almost a year and then one day
something just changed.  I made the decision to live."

"Not that everything got better, because it didn't.  I was
still a self-imposed loner, because I didn't know if I could
trust myself or anyone else.  But somehow I made it through
college and became a lawyer and then things got a bit
easier.  I was living in Chicago and working for the law
firm that I had interned at and I even got the occasional
blowjob.  And when I say blowjob that's just what I mean, I
didn't kiss because, I realize now that that would have been
proof that I was gay and I sure as hell didn't reciprocate."

"Anyway, fast forward.  Joel Callin, who I went to school
with calls me outta the blue and asks me to come to Madison
for an interview.  Long story short, I get the job.  So now
I'm an attorney and I find that I've got a flair for M&A and
Callin & Callin treat me pretty good but I'm still lonely as
fuck.  Then comes your divorce, biggest, messiest, divorce
the state has ever seen and then one day I see you walking
in to Mr. Callin's office and I think, damn that's a cute
guy and he looks normal, nobody would know that guy was gay
except for this shit.  From then on I made it my business to
find out when you might be coming into the office because
every time I saw you it was like there was hope."  Michael's
eyes were glistening but his voice was firm.  "Then comes
today, Rosie calls the office and the call gets forwarded to
me at home.  She gives me the third degree for about five
minutes and tells me to get my butt over to the
hospital...and well, the rest you know."

"So Jeff, this isn't something you're pushing me into," he
touched my face with his finger tips, "this is my dream."
Michael looked at me with a worried look.  "God, don't tell
me that all this shit has freaked you out!"

I kissed Michael quickly on the lips.  "You're not freaking
me out!  What about your parents?  You know about mine."

"I really didn't freak ya?"

"Nope.  Okay, come on, parents, give!"

"Well, mom and dad are both alive and living in Chicago.
They deal with my being gay by never, and I do mean never,
ever, mentioning it.  It's like it doesn't exist.  As far as
their concerned I'm a straight guy who's taking a break from
sex, just waiting for the right girl to come along."

I rolled forward and kissed Michael lightly again.  "Are you
sure that we can rule that one out?"

Jeff pulled my head to his, laying his cheek against mine.
"Michael, I've never had a sexual thought about a woman but
I've had a hardon for at least half the time that I've spent
with you this evening."

I gave Jeff a look and then slowly got up taking him with
me.  Never letting go of his hand, I flipped off the living
room lights and pulled him with me to the bedroom.  "You are
staying tonight aren't you?"

"Well I.....you gotta promise me that you'll get me up
early.  I mean I can't go to work in jeans."

"You could probably wear my stuff.  We're about the same
size."   Michael got a panicky look on his face.  "Don't
fucking worry!  I'll get ya up."

I took off my bathrobe and dropped it on the end of the bed
as I was walking to the other side.  When I turned to get
into bed Michael was staring at me with an odd look on his
face.  "What?"

"God you've got a beautiful butt."

I laughed.  "Yours isn't bad either and I wouldn't mind you
getting to know mine a lot better."  Michael and I slid
under the covers at the same time and met in the middle of
the bed.  We kinda slid into each other, entwining our legs
and wrapping our arms around each other.  Michaels head was
resting on my right upper arm, we were kissing and moving
our bodies against one another.  I ran my left hand slowly
down until it was on his lower back, I moved on to his butt
and marveled at the smoothness.

Michael's mouth was working on my neck and he was having an
incredible affect.  The kisses, the small bites and long
licks on my neck just below my ear were driving me crazy, my
body twisting, seemingly of it's own accord in response to
his mouth and tongue.

Michael worked his way in between my legs with his and I
just naturally wrapped my legs around his waist.  His tongue
was down my throat and the tip of his cock kinda just
naturally positioned itself at my asshole.

Michael had worked around to my ear and whispered.  "I've
never done this but I think that I really need to fuck you.
I know, I know....maybe it's too soon but god I wanna be in
you."  His right hand was caressing my shoulder and neck
while his mouth work on the other side.

I was almost gasping for breath.  "Condoms, lube, in the
nightstand."  I took Michael's face in both of my hands.
"Go slow!  I've done this before but it's been a long time."

Michael kissed me hard.  "I promise babe!  Honest to god I
won't hurt ya!"

He was kneeling between my legs with his cock sticking
practically straight up and a happy puppy look on his face.
I took the condom out of his hand and tore the foil open
with my teeth.  I looked up at him.  "Never done this?"

Michael was practically quivering with excitement and the
precum was really beginning to flow.  "No, guys would ask me
to but I guess I thought that it was too much of a
commitment.  And anyway I didn't think things could get much
better than a blow job."

I scooped up some of his precum and rubbed it up and down
his cock along with a little lube.  "But now you want to?"

A shiver ran through his body as I rolled the condom down
onto his cock.  "God yes!  I want you!"

"Michael, I want you to put your hands under my knees and
push them back against my chest and I'll guide you in.  But
remember, slow!"  He was slowly pushing my knees up and I
guided his cock to my butt.  I pushed out while he was
pressing in and it hurt like hell for the first few seconds
but once the head of his cock was in it got better quick.

My hands were on Michaels knees and he was responding well
to my controlling him that way.  As his cock began move into
me and once I got past the pain I looked up at Michael and
his eyes were closed and for just a split second I could see
the little boy that he would have been years before, a look
of perfect bliss on his face.

"A little deeper Michael.  That's it."  His balls were
beginning to slap against my ass.  "Oh fuck that's good!
Harder!"

His eyes snapped open and he looked down at me.  "It's okay?
You're sure?"

"Oh fuck yes!"  I raised my head and pulled him down so that
we could kiss.  "Oh man!  Fuck my ass!"

Michael was becoming more aggressive as he gained confidence
and now his dick was slamming into me, creating an
unbelievable sensation.  I reached down and started beating
myself off.  He reached down and cupping my face in his
hands buried his tongue down my throat.  "I'm getting
close!"

"Cum inside me!  I wanna know that you're shooting your load
in me!

Michael made a little whimpering sound and then said.
"Jeff, I'm fucking cumming!  Oh fuck!"  He straightened up,
holding just my ankles and his body went rigid, his head
flew backward and then forward, his chin on his chest.

I was whipping my cock and knowing that he was filling the
condom in my ass with his cum brought me off just seconds
after Michael came.  Michael watched me shoot and then,
tentatively at first, he reached out and started to spread
my cum around my chest with his hands.

Finally Michael slowly pulled his cock out of my ass and sat
back on his heels.  He had a dazed, exhausted look on his
face.  My cum was on his hands and he stared at them and
then rubbed the cum onto his chest.  I reached into the
nightstand for a towel and pulled the full condom off of his
cock and wiped his dick and then his chest.  He gently took
the towel from me and lying next to me, wiped the cum off of
my chest.

I rolled on my side to face him and I felt like we were
really seeing each other for the first time.  Michael looked
different, relaxed, happy and something more.

He leaned forward a bit and put his right hand behind my
neck and then bent and kissed me.  "Thank you."

I smiled at him.  "You're welcome."

His fingertips were moving over my face.  "That's like the
best thing that ever happened to me."

"Wanna do it again?"

He laughed.  "I take it that you liked it?"

"Yeah I did.  The last time that I got fucked it hurt like
you wouldn't fuckin believe and the guy that was doing
didn't give a damn about me.  But this time....it was sooo
different.  Maybe just knowing that it was you."  I kissed
him.  "This time it felt.....fucking incredible!"

Michael laid his head on my chest.  "You're fucking
incredible!"

I reached over and turned the light off.  "We probably
should take a shower but fuck it."  I turned on my left side
pulling Michael with me so that he was spooning me.  My head
was on his upper arm and his right arm held me to him.  I
covered it with my own.