Date: Sun, 14 May 2000 05:52:35 EDT
From: VanyelAshkev@aol.com
Subject: Mental Games People Play: Chris' Game Part 1 of 3

Sorry it's been so long since I last posted. Other things have kind of taken
a front seat. I'll try and improve the track record guys. :)


This is a true story. I went ahead and changed the name of
the other person involved, but not the principal player.
The only thing to remember is that this is only my side of
the story. Maybe the perspective of the others is quite
different. Then again, I have a feeling they'll never talk
about it.

I intend to write about other experiences that I have had.
It has occurred to me that some memories are possibly out
of order chronologically. Also, that in some cases, I may
have to fudge a bit on what exactly happened in terms of
the physical. I do intend to stay true to the actual
emotions and intent of the games that were played. In the
cases where I pull that kind of sleight of hand (mind), I
will say so in the notes before the story. This is the
first one where I have realized that it may be necessary
for the sake of the story. The other 2 prior stories are
true to my memory. Thanks for bearing with me.



The Mental Games People Play Series:
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chris' Game: Part 1 of 3


Chapter 1

  Chris was my first love. Not that I can into the
relationship a virgin. Actually, far from it by that time.
Still he is the first person that I can clearly say that I
loved and not just lusted after. My other experiences up
until this point were purely and simply sex. You know, the
kind that makes 'gay sex' a cliche. I had waited a long
time before deciding that virginity was no virtue, for me
at any rate. I did the typical late teenage thing and made
up for what I thought of as lost time.

  I was 20 when I met Chris. If you read Steve's game, then
you will have a rough idea of the time frame I am talking
about. The reason I bring Steve up is this. He owned a
comic book and baseball card store. I was working for him
in the store. I had moved out by then. Actually, I had been
out of that place for 2 years now. He accepted the fact
that I had no interest in him and I accepted the fact that
he would harbor that lust for me, but never again attempt
to act on it. Sure, things were a little awkward when I
first started working for him, but it rapidly shifted into
a more professional relationship. I was helping him with
his bookkeeping, picking up deliveries and cashiering.

  I also got along fairly well with his mother, who ran the
cash register most days. She sold me my first car, a 79
Caddy coup. It was a dogged looking thing on the outside,
but it ran like a trooper. I abused the hell out of that
car and it just ran like a champ on neglect. Anyways,
things had settled into a routine fairly quickly. Then a
minor disaster hit.

  A case of baseball cards, Leaf if I remember right, had
just been delivered. The driver had set it down by the
register while Steve's mom signed for it. A couple of
customers were waiting patiently for her to finish so she
could ring them up. One of them caught my eye as he stood
there waiting.

  He was blond, about 6' and rail thin. Very pale skin, but
not in a totally hideous way. More like the way some
redheads are described as milk complexioned. Sea blue eyes
and a thin nose that tipped up at the end. His hair was
medium length and the bangs fell just over his eyes. I
remember his hands too, very strong looking. He had on
black Docker's type pants with cargo pockets. Also, a white
button down shirt was tucked into those pants. Old worn
sneakers adorned his feet. I didn't pay all that much
attention to him, if you can credit that. I know, if I was
not paying attention, how could I remember so much of my
first sight of him? Read on and learn!

  Some creep walked into the store, looked around and
snatched the box on the counter. The blond and I took off
after him. I was sick to my stomach. That was a couple of
hundred bucks in new cards this thief was trying to heist.
I shouldn't say trying. He got clean away. The blond and I
both manage to loose the jerk within a few blocks. We were
downtown in an older section of town and there were too
many alleys to duck down and hide in. we both finally had
to stop and try and catch our breath. I dragged my sorry
self back to the store. The cute blond followed me back.

  By now, Steve's mom was having a fine old snit over the
theft and the fact that I didn't catch him. The blond said
that I had tried my best and that there wasn't much I could
have done once the guy hit the street running. For some
reason this seemed to appease her. I gave the blond a
tired, grateful smile for the support. Then I called Steve
and told him what had happened. Naturally, he went
ballistic over the phone. Not much I could do about it
though. Finally he calmed down and asked for details.
Unfortunately, while I was dealing with Steve, blondie went
out the door.

Chapter 2

  I saw him again a couple of days later. Same type of
pants, different color. Same type of white shirt too. Turns
out he was an X-men fan and came in to pick up the latest
issue. Suited me. I was a huge X-men fan myself. Years
later I got a really good tattoo of Storm on my thigh. It
covers the entire outside of my right thigh, from about 2
inches above my knee all the way to just over my hipbone.
It wraps about halfway to my inner thigh all the way around
the outside to just short of my ass. In color, no less!

  Anyway, we got to talking about past X-men issues and
favorite storylines. We must have talked for more than 2
hours. I knew that I really liked this guy. Turned out his
name was Chris, short for Christian. He hated the long
version and would only answer to Chris. Again, that suited
me just fine. We both seemed to be hitting it off fairly
well.

  When he came in the next day, I was hardly surprised. He
really had no reason to, but he did. I mean, after all, he
had picked up his books the day before and nothing new was
due for another week. We talked again for hours, but not
about comic books. I can't really remember well now what it
really was about, but we apparently fascinated each other.
I could feel emotions stirring in me that I had never
encountered before. I confused the hell out of me.

  When he came in for the third day in a row, I decided to
take a huge risk. It was almost quitting time for the day
and I was ready to close up. We had not really gotten to
talk much because of heavy customer traffic. He looked
really disappointed. I offered to continue the talk at my
apartment down the street. My heart was literally pounding
as I asked him over. I mean the gaydar was saying, Hell
yes, but my mind was saying no way! I was almost comatose
when he said; sure, he'd like that.

Chapter 3

  We got to my apartment by walking. It really wasn't that
far. It didn't seem long enough though, if you know what I
mean. I really enjoyed just being near him. We talked about
some bull or other all the way there. I liked the sound of
his voice too. It kind of sent tingles through me. That
confusion I mentioned was going full blast too. I had never
felt that way around anyone else before. It was the most
amazing and scary thing at the same time.

  I was lucky; my roommate was out and didn't look like she
was going to be back anytime soon. I asked him if he wanted
anything to drink or something. He declined, but I got
myself some water. Mostly to have something to fidget with.
We sat on opposite couches. Our living room was huge. There
was enough space for 2 full size couches. I had brought one
and my roommate had brought hers. I kind of slouched myself
into a position that I could watch Chris from the corner of
my eye without being to blatantly obvious.

  We talked for a while about some nonsense or other. That
was really not too important at the time, or really, even
now. I was only paying partial attention anyway. I was
actually trying to get up the balls to ask if he was into
guys. I mean, he was a hit on the ole gaydar, but he was
really good at hiding himself from the world. Did I dare go
there? Eventually, yes, I did.

  I worked myself up to it and quietly asked if he ever did
anything with guys. He didn't answer right away. I began to
get worried. Then he popped up with how did I figure that?
No denial. Just how did I figure that out. In my mind, I
thought oh thank god! I haven't made a total ass out of
myself. I told him that I just knew. Not that there was
anything obvious about him. He was very straight acting to
the rest of the world. I guess it had to do with the way he
talking with me, plus the fact that he made excuses to come
talk to me. Not something anyone else would pick up on. He
had this relieved look on his face.

  I was in seventh heaven at this point. We looked into
each other's eyes and didn't say anything for a while. I
then got bold again. I asked him if he thought I was
attractive. Talk about putting it all on the line right
away! Here was his big chance for rejecting me. He thought
about it for all of 10 seconds and then told me, yeah, he
did think that. I almost dropped the glass I was holding.
This was unreal!

Chapter 4

  We really didn't do anything that night. I mean, yeah we
talked for hours and then went for a walk. He told me about
living with his mom and stepfather. How his brother and
sister were total brats. Then he told me about his family
being heavy born again types. That told me that they had no
clue that he was gay. Later I found out why they never even
gave that a thought. I put myself on my best behavior
whenever I was around them.

  I told him about myself. All the screwed up family shit
of a similar nature. That I had moved out when I was 17.
That I really didn't know what I was going to do with
myself. We both had a similar spiritual bent too. In my
eyes, we made a pretty good match for a random chance
meeting. He seemed to think so too. We began to spend a lot
of time together, but never did anything remotely physical.
For some reason, that didn't bother me at all. I simply
enjoyed his company.

  It turned out that he lived less than 3 blocks from me.
Totally cool. He was a part-time electrician. He was also
trying to apply for a police academy. They ended up turning
him down for some reason. He never did tell me why. Oh
well.  So, we continued on in that type of vein for about a
month. Just kind of gliding along, going wherever this was
going to take us. Neither of us was in any big hurry.

Chapter 5

 Our first kiss was really special. I mean, maybe all first
love, first kisses are in that category, but this one was
definitely unique in that realm. It was Saturday and we
didn't have any money between the 2 of us. That does have a
way of limiting ones options. So, we got creative. We
screwed around with video games and such until almost 9
that evening. Then both of us got sick of being inside. We
both were more of the outdoorsy type anyway.

  I came up with this brilliant idea. I knew a place that
would be totally cool in the moonlight. It was a full moon
too. He wanted to know where I had in mind. I decided to
play it out and be all coy about it. He kept pushing, but I
wouldn't budge about it. I said that we would have to drive
over to where I had in mind. He agreed to go.

  I drove us over to the UCR botanical gardens. It closed
at 5 every day but I had thought of a way around that. We
could just hop the fence and have the entire place to
ourselves! Once I pulled into the parking lot, he knew what
I was up to. He just grinned at me. Well, needless to say,
we made it over the fence without to much trouble. I was
happy with his reaction to my choice of adventure.

  Once we were in, I led him to my favorite place in the
entire garden. It is over by this huge stand of giant
bamboo. The moonlight made the coolest patterns as it went
through the gigantic stalks. He looked around, inspecting
the entire area. I sat on the nearby bench and watched him
explore. We were both having a total blast. Then he got
this big grin on his face. He challenged me to a race to
the upper back of the garden. He had seen some really cool
rock formations when we had hopped the fence down below.

  The gardens are set into the side of this hill. They
climb 3 quarters of the way up the hill too. The rocks he
was talking about were at the very top of the gardens. Then
he took off. I vaulted over the bench and gave chase. It
was totally exhilarating to run through the trees. There
was just enough light so that we didn't have to worry about
running smack into one in the dark. It was like running
through this mini forest.

  I just barely caught up with him by the time we hit the
top of the gardens. The plant life thinned out and it was
mostly rock now. This end of the garden was still not fully
developed. Right then, it was just extra space to expand to
when they needed it. Chris run right up a rock face and
then sat himself down with his legs dangling off of the
edge. Within seconds, I joined him. Neither of us was even
out of breath from the relatively long uphill run.

Chapter 6

  We could see most of the town spread out below us from
where we were sitting. It was an awesome sight. Neither of
us said anything for the longest time. Just being here
together seemed to be enough for the both of us. The whole
sky above us was a wonderful canopy of stars. I lay back
against the rock and put my hands behind my head. I picked
out my favorite constellation and pointed to it without
speaking. He just nodded as he looked up at it. Oh, yeah,
Orion is my favorite. I can find that one when I can't even
find the Big Dipper most of the time. Some ex-boy scout,
right?

  Just as I was about to open my mouth and break the
stillness, Chris leaned over me. I could feel his warm
breath on my ear. I looked over at him. He was staring at
my face, with this funny expression on his own mug. I had
no idea what to think. Again I began to speak. He laid a
finger across my lips and shook his head. I just shrugged
and nodded acceptance.

  Then, to my astonishment, he leaned in and kissed me. His
lips were so warm against mine. I was in this state of
paralysis. I couldn't move. I had not expected this at all.
But, I tell you, it was the most incredible kiss I have
ever had. The pressure was light, but firm. He cradled my
head in the crook of his elbow. I could feel his fingers
playing with the hair at the top of my head. After a brief
moment, I pushed back against his lips with my own. It felt
like my whole body was going to explode.

 No one had ever kissed me like this before. Most guys
would try and stick their tongue in my mouth in a way that
made me feel like an ocean of spit was going to drown me.
This kind of kiss that he was giving me, this kind I got
into. I have no real idea how long that kiss lasted. As far
as I was concerned, then and now, it was eternity. Even as
I write this, I can feel it again as if it had just
happened. I tell you what; this kind of kiss may just be
once in a lifetime!

Chapter7

  When he finally broke off the kiss, he leaned back and
lay down beside me. He began to talk about some things that
were happening. He also asked me not to talk with anyone
else about it. Guess what folks... I intend to honor that
promise even now. It was intensely personal and very hard
for him to talk about at all.

  We stayed on that rock for another hour and then jumped
down. It was really late and we both had to get home. We
took our sweet time going back down the hill. I didn't know
about him, but I didn't want this night to end. He had made
this so special for me. I almost don't have the words to
give it the proper due.

  We hopped the fence again and walked back to my car. It
was only an hour or so until dawn now. He had to be back
before his parents got up. I needed to sleep really badly
by this point. I was definitely emotionally drained and it
certainly transferred to the physical quickly enough. All
things considered, I counted the night a huge success. The
man I loved had kissed me for the first time on his own,
without prompting.

  Yeah, I had figured out that I was in love with him I am
not sure if he had though. I mean figured out that I loved
him. He was very quiet and careful about expressing his own
emotions. I am sometimes too vocal. I hadn't told him how I
felt. It hadn't seemed like the right time yet. Soon, but
not just yet. I was still dealing with it myself and wanted
to be sure that it was real.

  Neither of us said a word on the drive home. There didn't
seem to be a need to. I dropped him off at his house and
then drove to my apartment. The sun was just peeking above
the horizon as I stumbled into the apartment. I was
completely drained. I was also totally content and happy.
No trouble falling asleep either.

Epilogue for Part 1

  Well, that was how we met. This takes you from that
meeting until the first kiss. Part 2 will have our first
fully sexual encounter. It was a ton of fun. It also had a
lot of revelations for me. I never knew sex could be so
drastically different with someone you love! Mind you,
there definitely a nice sprinkling of sheer lust involved
too, but that was the spice to the sauce, as they say.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Well guys, that's it for part one. As always, these stories
are from my perspective and therefore biased. Let me know
it you want to hear the rest of the tale, or stop while I
am ahead? Email me at VanyelAshkev@aol.com or ICQ# 11938988
to place your comments.