Date: Mon, 03 Mar 2003 10:37:36 -0500
From: bccccand@netscape.net
Subject: Metropolitan Romance-5

Disclaimer: This story is a work of fiction, and any
resemblance to real people or events is coincidental.  It
contains descriptions of sex between adult men.  If this
type of material offends you, or if you are forbidden by law
to read it, please exit the story now.  E-mail comments are
gratefully accepted.


  Metropolitan Romance-5

  As I moved more and more of my things into Eric's - Our
house, the relationship began to feel increasingly real. We
were actually doing this. We quickly discovered the little
things each of us did that annoyed the other. Eric was
extremely neat and I was more of a slob. I worked at being
tidier, but I also pushed him to be more spontaneous. We
even went out to dinner one night before the evening
"chores" were done. The order created by his routines was
helpful, but there was a point at which having a time and
place for everything was down right oppressive. The one
distraction that always worked at getting him out of his
routine was sex.
  He was uncomfortable at first having sex any where but
the bedroom. I set my mind to changing that pattern
immediately. We soon learned though that our second favorite
room in the house for amorous activities was the kitchen.
There was a butcher-block covered island there that was used
for things I suspect he never dreamed of doing in that room.
The first week of course was almost like a honeymoon. Being
with Eric and living with him seemed so natural. Each day I
was convinced I couldn't love him more, and each new day
brought a deepening of my appreciation for this incredible
man. The euphoria was to be short-lived, as Friday finally
arrived.
  We had agreed with Jared that he would call us if that
evening were going to work for coming out to his parents. He
didn't want to officially ask for time for fear of giving
something away prematurely. Around six-thirty, he called to
say his parents were staying in for the night. We drove to
their house holding hands, not so much out of affection, but
out of the need to join forces for whatever was ahead of us.
Carol answered the door and was surprised to see us. Paul
came into the living room where we had stopped. I thought I
could sense that he was not happy that we were there. Jared
ambled in completing the cast of characters for the drama to
unfold. I opened the conversation.
  "Paul, Carol, we have something we want to tell you. I
have moved in with Eric. We are officially a couple."
  Carol beamed at the news. It looked as if our
announcement answered the question of why we were there.
Jared was noticeably nervous, but I'm not sure either of his
parents was aware of it. Carol was gushing about our
relationship and how "cute" we were together. Paul was very
noncommittal in his reaction. Eric and Carol shared a few
happy moments as she congratulated him on "getting his man."
I decided it was time to pick up the gauntlet.
  "I know that you were all aware that Eric was gay and I
assumed, because of the church I serve, that you suspected I
was as well. With this step, we pretty much admit it to the
world. I hope that this won't be embarrassing to you or
cause you any trouble."
  "Of course not, Steve," Carol replied. "I hoped that the
two of you would get together. I think that you will be very
good for each other. I couldn't be more pleased."
  "I am aware that not everyone understands why two men
would want to live together as lovers," I added. "I
appreciate your acceptance of our lifestyle."
  As I made the last statement, I looked directly at Paul.
For a moment, unguarded hatred flashed across his face. It
was only a moment and then he regained his composure. I
didn't want to look at Eric or Jared to see if they had
noticed.
  "Our father was truly one of those people," Carol
responded. "Hate is an ugly thing," she said, almost as an
afterthought.
  I decided that the time wasn't going to get any better
for the big announcement.
  "Jared, how do you feel? Does that the fact that Eric and
I are in a relationship bother you?"
  Jared gazed at first me and then Eric. I sensed that he
was drawing up his courage.
  "Uncle Eric. Steve. I don't have any problem with the two
of you being together," Jared stated with determination.
Then he turned to his parents. "Mom. Dad. I don't have a
problem with Eric and Steve because I also am gay."
  Carol was stunned. I had hoped that this was a
possibility she had considered. Mothers often have a sense
about these things. It didn't appear that she had. Paul, on
the other hand, was a bomb obviously on the verge of
exploding. His face was crimson and his eyes were cold.
Every muscle in his body was tensed. He moved toward Jared.
Fearing what he might do, I stepped between them.
  "Get out of my way, faggot. I'm going to take care of
this once and for all," Paul ranted.
  When I didn't move out of his way, he slugged me in the
jaw, knocking me backwards. I hit my head on something sharp
as I fell to the floor. I remember hearing Carol scream. The
rest was a confusion of shouts and curses. Finally, I heard
Carol speak with a voice that chilled me to the bone.
  "Paul, go to the other room right now."
  I couldn't see his response, but he eventually left the
room. Attention was then turned to me. I could feel warmth
on my face, which I discovered was blood when Eric cried
out.
  "Oh my God, Steve. Are you all right? You're bleeding."
  Everything was in a daze, but I could hear Jared crying.
I knew we needed to get him out of there fast. Despite my
head warning me against it, I asked Eric to help me to my
feet. He didn't want to do it, but something in my tone must
have told him it was important. Carol had gone for a wet
cloth for my head. She was crying as well.
  "Eric. Jared," I said softly, wincing back the pain. "We
need to leave. Jared, do you have your bag packed?"
  "Yes, it's in the garage. I'll get it."
  "Carol, I know this is a shock, but we need to get Jared
out of hear before Paul changes his mind and comes back for
him. He will be at our house, and we'll take good care of
him."
  She argued about the necessity of doing that, but agreed
when we heard Paul slam a door somewhere in another room. We
hastily made our way to the car. Jared was still sobbing.
Eric was mumbling under his breath. They were both angry and
hurt, and I wasn't sure what to say to either one of them.
My head was really beginning to throb, but I hated to
mention it for fear of setting off another round of sobs or
curses. Being the martyr that I am, I suffered in silence,
figuring that we could all use a little quite time on the
way home before we had to address the bigger questions.
  We arrived home and Eric attentively ushered me into the
kitchen, Jared followed behind like a lost puppy. Head
wounds tend to bleed profusely, and my shirt was soaked.
Eric had determined in his quiet time in the car, that I
needed to go to the emergency room. He was worried about a
concussion or my needing stitches. I wasn't about to leave
Jared alone, and he didn't need the circus of an emergency
room. Pain or no pain, Jared needed some attention. When in
doubt, I usually try humor.
  "Well, Jared, that didn't go too badly."
  Eric started to puff up like a self-inflating balloon
until I shot him a warning look. Jared stared at me with
disbelief and then I think he caught the gist of what I was
doing.
  "Just fucking fantastic."
  So it wasn't much He was at least talking.
  "Jared, we suspected it wasn't going to be easy. Your
father has some serious issues here."
  Eric had been silent up until now.
  "That bastard isn't getting anywhere near either one of
you again."
  I wasn't sure how he planned to enforce this edict, but
his feelings were clear. At that moment, Eric exchanged the
bloody rag that I had been holding to my head with a clean,
cold on. The cold made me shudder unexpectedly. That set
Jared into another fit of crying.
  "He hurt you. I can't believe he hurt you. Why didn't he
go after me?"
  "Because Superman here stepped in his way," Eric added
sarcastically.
  I understood that Eric didn't begrudge me protecting
Jared, but that he was angry about the situation.
  "Jared, your father was enraged and he was determined to
hurt someone. It doesn't matter in the end which one of us
he hit. I'll be all right. We have to go on from here."
  Eric checked the new cloth on my head and discovered that
I was still bleeding.
  "We have got to have that checked. You may need stitches"
  "I'll be all right," I tried to say with as much
determination as possible.
  "Damn, you are stubborn. I'm calling Loren."
  I was astounded. I didn't know whether I was more
surprised that he would call Loren or that he realized that
he had that trump card to play. Within fifteen minutes both
Loren and Larry arrived. Loren's face showed concern.
Larry's face showed suspicion.
  "Steve, who did this to you?"
  "Larry, I fell and hit my head."
  "Did you give yourself that swollen jaw as well," he
asked with a glare.
  "My father hit him," Jared interrupted.
  I could tell this situation was getting out of hand
quickly. The fierceness in Larry's expression told me you
didn't want to mess with Larry when he was mad.
  "Eric thinks I need to go to the emergency room, but he
needs to stay with Jared."
  "Larry and I will take you," Loren responded.
  I suspect that Loren could read where Larry's mind was
headed, and picked up on my diversionary tactics. Eric
protested that he wanted to be with me, but he understood
that someone Jared trusted needed to be with him. Also,
since it accomplished his primary goal of getting me to the
hospital, he acquiesced to Larry and Loren taking me. The ER
was a zoo, of course, and the doctor was unconvinced about
my story of hitting my head. He ended up putting in twenty-
eight stitches. The gash ran from directly behind the temple
on the right side of my head back to almost the crown. I
honestly didn't know it was that bad a cut. He said to keep
ice on the jaw for tonight. I figured the ride home would be
interrogation time.
  "So spill it, chief. What happened," Loren asked.
  "Jared came out to his parents this evening. We were
concerned that his father would be a problem. Eric and I
were there for support, and to take him home with us if
needed. His father started to go for Jared and I stepped
between them. He hit me."
  "My hero," Loren swooned.
  Larry turned and grinned at Loren and then turned to me.
  "You should press charges. He shouldn't be allowed to get
away with this."
  "I don't want to complicate the situation any more than
it already is. It's apt to be difficult for the family to
reconcile without adding legal ramifications."
  "Larry, he never gives up on the possibility of a happy
ending," Loren added.
  "If you report the incident, then there is a record of
violence that could be important later on, if he does it
again," Larry said calmly.
  "I agree that makes sense, but it doesn't feel right
here."
  "Whatever you want to do, Steve," Larry conceded. "But if
he does anything else, to anybody, I won't take no for an
answer."
  "I can accept that."
  The rest of the ride home was quiet. Loren and Larry
brought me into the house. We had been gone for over three
hours. Jared was in bed, and Eric thought he might be
asleep. The four of us discussed the events of the evening
again. Eric was feeling justified that I had indeed needed
to go to the hospital. His victory was ebbing though as I
saw him relive the scene at the Langley household. Larry and
Loren traded eye signals and excused themselves. My guess is
that they figured we needed some private time.
  "Steve, I'm so sorry this had to happen."
  "Eric, it's not your fault. You didn't hit me."
  "But you were defending my nephew from my brother-in-
law."
  "If we are in this together, then they need to become my
family as well."
  "Some family. It seems like I am always wrecking
families."
  I could see where this was headed. Insecurities often
don't go away very far. We held each other and second-
guessed what we could have done differently. The discussion
shifted to what was likely to happen next. We affirmed that
inheriting a teenager wasn't all that bad. So much for a
honeymoon: we already had a six-foot baby boy. Finally, we
went upstairs to bed. I had to stay awake for a certain
length of time in case of a concussion, but we eventually
drifted off to sleep.
  The next morning I awoke with a jackhammer of a headache.
Eric must have been listening for me to stir. He was there
instantly with something for pain.
  "Is Jared awake," I whispered as softly as possible.
  "I don't know how well he slept, but he was asleep when I
checked on him a little while ago.
  I tried to get out of bed, but did it too quickly. Eric
was there to catch me.
  "Whoa, fella. You're going to have to take it easy today.
Loren called and wondered about finding a sub for you
tomorrow."
  "I'll be able to preach. No bump on the head will keep me
down."
  "That's between you and Loren." He said with a grin.
  "You're enjoying this new alliance, aren't you?"
  "We both want what's best for you."
  He kept the smug look on his face as he helped me
downstairs and into the kitchen. He had already started
breakfast.
  "How do you think Jared is doing," I asked. "I really
hated to leave last night. This must be awful for him."
  "He didn't say much. I think he's as worried about you as
anything."
  "This bump on the head? I'm too hard-headed to let a
little bump get the best of me."
  "I think he feels guilty."
  "There's no reason for him to feel guilty."
  "I understand how he feels," Eric said sheepishly while
he turned away to work on something on the stove.
  "Eric, come here."
  Reluctantly he came to me. I patted my leg and he sat in
my lap.
  "Tell me what's wrong, baby."
  "We've been living together less than a week and my
brother-in-law beats you up and sends you to the hospital."
  "I'd stand in front of a Mack truck for you. Your brother-
in-law's fist is an insignificant obstacle."
  "But if it wasn't for me, you wouldn't be hurt."
  "If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be having hot sex in
this very room."
  "That's definitely a TMI," Jared interrupted as he walked
into the room.
  "Oh, you think we're too old to be having hot monkey sex
in every room of the house."
  Eric slugged my shoulder and got up to work at the stove.
Jared blushed a bright red.
  He was standing there in his boxer shorts. The kid was
definitely a looker. With a body and a face like that, he
wouldn't have any trouble hooking up with someone soon.
  "So, did you have to have stitches," he asked, changing
the subject.
  "Yea, twenty-eight of them," I replied.
  Immediately, his face clouded over. The light mood set by
the humor was gone. I had considered not telling him how
many stitches, but I knew he'd find out eventually. Besides,
if Eric was right, we might as well deal with the guilt here
and now.
  "Jared, none of this is your fault. You didn't choose
your parents. You didn't choose your sexuality. You didn't
make your father into a raging homophobe."
  "I know," he said unconvincingly.
  On a whim, I patted my leg as I had done with Eric. Jared
looked at me with surprise, but moved to me and sat in my
lap. He was bigger than Eric, and it seemed a little awkward
at first. He quickly snuggled in, though, and laid his head
on my shoulder.
  "You two guys are going to have to realize that I love
you both. If I do something for either of you, it's because
I want to do it. Accept it as a token of my feelings for
you, OK?"
  I had actually though he wouldn't sit on my lap for long.
He showed no signs of moving, however. As Eric began setting
breakfast on the table, I wondered if he was planning to eat
this way.
  "Why couldn't my dad be more like you," Jared whined.
  "Somewhere in his life, he learned this behavior," I said
softly in his ear.
  All of a sudden, I discovered I was crying. Jared was
alarmed at first, but I clung to him, not letting him go. As
I held him, I began sobbing. Eric came over and started
rubbing my shoulders.
  "Jared, Steve lost two sons in a car wreck," Eric said as
he started rubbing Jared's shoulder with one hand, the other
still giving me attention.
  The three of us stayed in that pose for what felt like a
long time. Finally Eric broke the silence.
  "Let's eat. We can't stay in the past. We have to move
forward."
  I do so love this man. We did eat breakfast with Jared in
his own chair. But we had bonded, the three of us. I
silently wished that Jared would be with us for a while, but
I knew that was selfish. He needed to be reunited with his
family if possible. He would at least need his mother, who
had to be going through her own personal hell right now.
  As if on cue, the phone rang. It was Carol. Jared took
the phone from Eric, obviously not knowing what to expect.
He was in tears again quickly, but it appeared the
conversation was going well. He handed the phone back to
Eric who said a few more things to his sister. To my
surprise, Jared came back and sat on my lap. We held each
other tightly as we both wept again, each with our own sense
of grief.
  I did stay home from church on Sunday. It seemed any
movement brought on a major headache. Carol came over for
dinner. Mother and son had a tearful reunion, but things
went well unless Paul was mentioned. He was sleeping in the
guest room. There had been no more violence, but I was still
worried about Carol. She seemed to have the situation under
control in any case. She and Paul were at a stalemate,
though, about Jared. It was decided that it was best for him
to stay with us for a while. We would go over during the day
while Paul was at work to get more of Jared's personal
items. It was as if we were settling in for a siege.
  Monday morning included encouraging a teenager to get
ready for school. Jared was definitely not a morning person.
I imagine also that he was reluctant to go, even though
there was no reason for anyone at school to be aware of his
situation. My head was still sore, but passable. Loren
balked at my need to be at the office, but we quickly
settled into our regular routine. About mid-morning, Loren
buzzed me to say that Mrs. Carlisle wanted a few minutes of
my time.
  "Thank you for seeing me, Rev. Williams."
  "Have a seat, Beverly," I said, noticing that she was
dressed nicer that I had seen her previously. "What can I do
for you?"
  "I wanted to thank you for visiting Bob."
  "It was no problem."
  "I went by to see him this weekend. It's the first time."
  "How did it go?"
  "It went surprisingly well. He sent me a letter this
week. It sounded like the man I married. I had to see him."
  When in doubt as to what to say, I said nothing. She
picked the dialogue up again.
  "He appears to be truly sorry for what he did: to Brad as
well as you."
  "Did you feel he was sincere?"
  "Yes, I did. Maybe it's a wife's wishful thinking, but I
did believe him."
  "What about Brad?"
  "He refused to read the letter. I though it best not to
force the issue. He's been going to that counselor he met at
the church meeting. Bob said he saw a counselor of some
kind, too."
  "They have people who volunteer at the jail to do that."
  "You told me not to give up hope. Am I being unrealistic
to hope that happiness is still possible for my family?"
  "Remember that there are a lot of obstacles yet to be
met, but there is also no reason to give up on hope."
  "Brad and I are coming to church next Sunday. Some of the
youth in the group invited him."
  "He needs peers to help him through this adjustment."
  "Thank you again Rev. Williams for all you have done."
  As she rose to leave, she held my hand between both of
hers and smiled a sad smile.
  After she left the office, Loren came in and shut the
door.
  "Steve, I need to talk with you."
  "Have a seat Loren. What's on your mind?"
  "It's Larry."
  "Is something wrong?"
  "We were eating at Antonio's when some officers he knew
came up to us. Larry says they are jerks and it doesn't
matter, but they were giving him a hard time for being with
me. You know I don't want his career to suffer because of
me."
  "I think Larry needs to have some say on that issue."
  "Larry said to forget it. I guess I would have felt
better about it if we had fought over it. It's like he
dismissed the subject. I know it bothers him."
  "Do you think he was embarrassed," I asked.
  "I'm sure he was embarrassed, I just don't know if he was
embarrassed about being with me."
  "Is this the first time you two have been seen together
by his fellow officers?"
  "Yes."
  "As much as a person can prepare for something like that,
it was probably more difficult that he anticipated."
  "Oh Steve, I wouldn't blame him if he wanted to forget me
and move on with his life, but I love him - I love him."
  Loren started to cry, so I moved closer so that we could
hold each other. I had no answers, especially only knowing
one side of the story. Loren had become very vulnerable in
loving Larry. I wanted to be protective. Yet, I couldn't
always interfere in their relationship every time there was
a problem. A knock at the door brought us back to the
present.
  "Come in," I said loudly as Loren and I straightened
ourselves up a bit.
  "Is Loren in here with you," Larry asked as he stuck his
head in the door.
  It was probably obvious that we had been crying. Larry
walked directly to Loren and knelt.
  "Loren, baby, forgive me, please."
  "What do I need to forgive you for," Loren questioned.
  "I - ah, how do I say this?"
  "Why don't I let the two of you have some privacy," I
offered.
  "No. Stay, please, Steve," Loren pleaded.
  "Yes, Steve. Please stay. I've really screwed up and I
need all the help I can get to get myself out of this one."
  "OK," I conceded as I sat down again.
  "At the station today, the two jerks from the restaurant
were pulling my chain pretty bad. Karen asked me what was
going on. You remember me talking about Karen don't you
babe," he posed to Loren.
  Loren responded with a nod.
  "I told Karen about the restaurant. She asked me if what
the guys were saying was true. I said, `what did it matter.'
She said it mattered because if she had been you, and we
were important to each other, then she would have been
deeply hurt. I didn't think about what you were feeling. I
was only thinking about myself."
  Larry was scanning Loren's face for any signal that he
was saying the right things. I didn't see any signal, I
don't know about him.
  "I told Karen that you were the most important person in
my life. She asked if you were more important than my career
on the force. I didn't even have to think twice on that one.
Loren, baby, you are more important than anything in my
life."
  Now there were signal going off like fireworks. Loren was
torn between elation and concern. Elation won the day.
  "Oh Larry, are you sure? I don't want to be responsible
for you losing you job."
  "They wouldn't dare fire me. Some of the guys may try to
get under my skin, but to hell with them. I can take
anything they can dish out."
  Loren was now climbing all over his body, knocking him to
the floor, covering him with kisses.
  "Uh, I'm here, remember," I squeaked. "I either need to
leave or get my video camera."
  Loren turned and gave me a knowing grin.
  "I'm going to make some hospital calls," I said as I
hastily gathered a few things. "I'll lock the outer office
door."
  Larry was moaning before I could shut the outer door. I
took that as an affirmative that Loren forgave him. All of a
sudden, I didn't really want to go to the hospital. It was
nearly three o'clock. Eric would be home in an hour. I
decided to go there instead.
  When I arrived home, Jared was already there. Oops,
forgot about that. Maybe having Jared around wasn't always
convenient, but my libido could wait. We started talking.
School hadn't been too bad. Nobody knew anything was
different, except Jared that is.
  "What about that guy you kind of liked," I asked, hoping
I wasn't pushing too much.
  "Nick?"
  "You never told me his name, just that he's smart and
good looking."
  Jared blushed but grinned at me. That grin was
infectious. If he aimed that at Nick, oh my. We talked about
relationships and how you know when someone is special. I
discovered I truly enjoyed talking with Jared. The time
passed quickly and soon, Eric was home. He broke out in a
big smile when he walked in the door. It felt like a family
with the three of us together. I realized that I was
thinking that Paul didn't deserve a son like Jared. Here sat
a tremendous young man, and Paul was willing to throw him
out with the garbage. A father who couldn't accept his son
because of something over which his son had no control,
wasn't fit to be a father. Paul Langley was a disgrace to
fathers everywhere.
  All of a sudden, I noticed Eric looking at me oddly.  I
hadn't recognized how angry I had become. Fortunately, Jared
didn't catch it, but Eric did. When Jared left to go to his
room, Eric came and sat sown beside me.
  "This isn't turning out to be too much is it? Having a
teenager around, I mean."
  "It's ironic, because I was thinking what a terrific
young man he is. Then I started focusing on the fact that
Paul doesn't deserve a son like Jared."
  By now I was starting to shake. Eric wrapped his arms
around me and held me tightly. I dissolved into his arms. He
was being so patient with my grief.
  "I don't want to break down every time I think about a
teenage boy. You'll get tired of having to comfort me."
  "That's where you are wrong. I sometimes struggle with
what I can do for you. You do so much for me and for others.
It makes me feel needed when you want me to hold you until
the pain lets up a little."
  "I do need you, Eric."
  "And I'll always be here for you."
  Neither of us saw Jared quietly walking back toward his
room, praying that someday his time would come.

  ********

  Carol came over the next evening. She had easily accepted
her son's sexuality once she got past the surprise. She
chided herself for not being more observant. She did concede
that she had hoped for grandchildren, but that was her
dream, not Jared's. But for all the love and acceptance
between mother and son, they were still separated. The
situation was rocky at home. Paul was hardly speaking. Carol
was determined not to budge an inch. Nothing short of
complete acceptance of Jared would suffice.
  A friend of Paul's from work had called her because he
knew something must be wrong. Carol didn't give any details,
but did confirm that there was a major family problem. The
friend shared that Paul was morose and irritable around the
office and coworkers were beginning to lose patience with
him.
  I suggested to Carol that if the friend called again to
encourage him to talk with Paul. Sometimes expressing our
thoughts out loud gives us perspective. I wasn't hopeful
that Paul would see the error of his ways, but there was
always a chance. I confessed to myself that I wasn't sure I
wanted Paul to shape up and work at reconciliation. It was
selfish of me, but I was already imagining Jared being
around for a long time. I told myself I wasn't doing
anything wrong. I believed that I had Jared's best interests
at heart. I had to believe that.
  By the weekend, our household had settled back into a
routine, albeit a different one. Jared was once again the
upbeat young man he had been before the ordeal with his
father. The grin that I had come to love was more prevalent.
He had a long talk with Nick. It seems Nick could tell
something was wrong and asked Jared about it. Jared told him
the whole story, including the reason for the fight. Nick
confirmed that he was gay, also. He told Jared his parents
had struggled, at first, but hadn't gone off the deep end
like Paul. They were "cool" with it now. The two had planned
a movie night for Saturday. It was cute watching Jared
nervously prepare for his "date." Eric and I razzed him a
bit, but finally told him that he looked great.
  Nick picked him up. They came in for the obligatory
introductions before heading out for their evening. When
Nick brought him home, we couldn't help but peak out the
window as they stayed in the car for a long time. We rushed
up to our bedroom when he started for the porch. We didn't
want him to think we had waited up for him. He came into our
bedroom, though, and sat on the edge of the bed.
  "Well, Jared, did you have a good time," Eric asked as we
both tried to keep from snickering.
  "Yeah, I had a great time. Nick is so cool. The movie
wasn't that good, so we made fun of it all through the show.
An usher actually told us to keep it down. That made
everything even funnier. The people around us were glaring,
but we couldn't help it."
  "It sounds like the two of you get along together well,"
I stated.
  "Oh yeah. It's like he already understands me. He's so
easy to talk to."
  "We're glad you had a good time, Jared," Eric added.
  "Thanks you guys, for everything."
  Before leaving, he gave us both a big hug. Afterwards,
Eric and I held each other. We were each in deep in our own
thoughts. Eric broke the quietness.
  "We could be foster parents for teenage gays."
  "Where brought on that idea," I asked.
  "I was thinking how much we will miss Jared when he goes
back home."
  "Oh, yeah," I said dejectedly.
  "Think of the good we could do."
  "Would you be interested in something like that?"
  "I would if you would," he said, as he looked me straight
in the eye.
  "I wouldn't want you to do it just for me."
  "What if I want to do it with you."
  "I could handle that."
  "But can you handle this," he chuckled, taking my hand
and placing it between his legs.
  Needles to say, the conversation came to a halt. His
spontaneity was definitely improving. We ended up handling
each other quite nicely. Before falling off to sleep, the
vision of teenage boys running through the house brought a
smile and a tear.

  ********

  The next week went by quickly. Once again, I found myself
at the church on a Friday, which was supposed to be a day
off for me. I was trying to catch up on some correspondence
and do some paperwork that I always managed set aside for
later. I promised myself I would go home at noon. I was
preparing to leave when Loren came into my office and shut
the door. I had come to realize that this was a bad omen, so
I braced myself.
  "Steve, there's someone to see you," Loren said
cautiously.
  "Well, who is it, Loren"
  "It's Paul Langley."
  We both stared at each other for a few moments. We were
both remembering another visitor several months ago. This
man had an even more personal grudge. Where was Larry when
you needed him? What do they say about finding a cop?
Suddenly Loren and I felt very vulnerable.
  "What would Larry want us to do," I asked.
  "He said to come in here and lock the door. He's on his
way."
  "You called him?"
  "You bet your ass I called him. That man scares me to
death."
  "Is Charlie still here?"
  "Yes, I think he's cleaning the kitchen. Why," Loren
queried.
  "Buzz him and ask him to come to the office."
  Charlie was the custodian. He was gentle as a lamb, but
he was built like an ox. Maybe Paul wouldn't know that he
was a teddy bear. Charlie responded, and we made up an
assignment to keep him in the office. I decided I had been
hiding long enough.
  "Loren, ask Paul to come in, please."
  Loren gave me a suspicious glare, but acquiesced. The
door was left open and I conceded that measure of
protection. Paul came in and sat in one of the armchairs by
the desk. He didn't look aggressive.
  "Rev. Williams, thank you for seeing me. I had to do
something. I was at work, but I wasn't worth a plugged
nickel. I knew I needed to talk to someone, and you were the
only person that came to mind."
  "Frankly, Paul, I am surprised. After the incident at
your house I would have thought that I would be the last
person you would want to see."
  "That's the point. The `incident,' as you politely call
it, has ruined my life. I don't know how to try and save
it."
  "Tell me what's been happening since that night."
  "As I'm sure you know, Carol is furious with me. She
hasn't spoken more than two words to me. I offered to stay
in a motel, but she said not to waste the money. I'm
sleeping in the guest room."
  Paul was obviously shaken. Being a little cynical, I
couldn't help thinking that this could be an act. He sounded
sincere, but I was going to hold out on the verdict for a
while.
  "Things got worse when I went to work. There's a guy at
the office, his name is Kevin, and he and I are friends. We
don't do anything outside of work, but we have a good time
telling jokes and such. We hadn't ever discussed anything
serious before. He could tell something was wrong and asked
me if there was a problem. I told him about what had
happened, and how my son was a - faggot."
  "Paul," I interrupted,  "if you want to have a
constructive conversation, I insist that you not use that
word or any other derogatory phrases."
  "Oh - sure. I'm sorry. It is what I said, however. Kevin
just walked off. Well, that pissed me off, so I followed
him. We had a confrontation in his office. Finally, he told
me to get out because he was gay, too."
  "I take it you didn't ever suspect that before?"
  "No. It never occurred to me."
  I could literally see him swallow what he wanted to say
next. I'm sure it was something like `he looked so normal.'
  "Then what happened," I asked.
  "I guess we had made a lot of noise. As I was storming
off, I ran into the boss. He wanted to know what the problem
was. I told him in a little less graphic terms. He then read
me the riot act. It seems his grandson is gay. It was like
everywhere I turned, I ended up making matters worse."
  "What did your boss say?"
  "Well, he didn't fire me, but he did say he wouldn't
tolerate any gay bashing around the office. Hell, even if he
doesn't can me, my stock around that place couldn't get much
lower."
  "What is it you want to save, Paul?"
  "I want my family back. I want things back the way they
were."
  "Do you want your son back or the boy you thought he
was?"
  "I want Jared back. I want Carol speaking to me again."
  "What about his sexuality?"
  "I can't say I understand it. It doesn't seem natural.
But I don't want to lose my son. After Jared was born, the
doctor told us we couldn't have any more children. That
never mattered before. We had Jared."
  "Then can you explain your reaction?"
  "No."
  What his answer lacked in completeness it made up for in
honesty. This man was truly confused. I wanted to say
something like `what did you expect, numb nuts.' My well-
used prescription for moments like these is to say nothing.
  "I know I'm not making a lot of sense," he offered,
breaking the silence.
  "Nothing about the situation makes much sense."
  "I know I've screwed up big time. Is there anything I can
do, or am I too late?"
  "Paul, you say you want your family back. What do you
think it will take?"
  "I know I have to apologize, to a lot of people now."
  "Apologies are important, but they won't go very far in
this case," I added.
  "I need to find a way to accept my son," he continued
tentatively.
  "Do you have any thoughts about how to do that," I asked.
  "I don't know where to start," he confessed.
  "OK, Paul, here's the deal. I'm going to give you a few
suggestions. You can take them or leave them, but they are
not up for negotiation."
  "I can live with that."
  "First of all, you need to learn more about sexuality and
preferences, and I mean from objective sources. You also
need to become acquainted with what your son is feeling, and
understand it from his perspective. I have some pamphlets
with some information, but they also refer to some websites
for further reading. You must look at this information with
an open mind, or it won't do you any good. Second, you need
to meet with a group of family members who are also going
through problems such as yours. We have a group that meets
here at the church on Monday nights at seven o'clock."
  "I can do that," he muttered.
  "Furthermore, you need an ally, someone to help you catch
yourself when you slip into old patterns."
  "That can't be you?"
  "No. For one it needs to be someone who is around you
often. But more importantly, I can't be that person because
of my commitments to Jared and Eric."
  "I see your point. How am I going to find this person,
then?"
  "What about your friend at work," I suggested.
  "You mean Kevin," he asked incredulously.
  "I think it's worth a try."
  "He's probably not speaking to me."
  "Lots of people aren't speaking to you."
  I knew when I said it that it was cruel, but it was the
truth.
  "What do I say to him," he asked.
  "You mentioned apologies. He would be a good person as a
start. The stakes aren't as high as with some of the family.
Tell him you want and need his help. If you're sincere, he
might give you a chance."
  "What if he says no?"
  "They next person to try is Carol."
  "Oh my God," he exclaimed.
  "You need to face her soon anyway."
  He was grimly becoming aware of the challenge ahead of
him. We discussed some more possibilities, and then he
acknowledged that he needed to be back at work. As he was
leaving, he turned back to face me.
  "Why are you helping me?"
  "I believe in a God of second chances. My role model was
always giving second chances to people society had
dismissed. It's not my place to judge whether or not you
deserve another try at being a good father."
  He nodded and turned to leave. The small outer office was
full to capacity. Larry had arrived as promised. He glared
menacingly at Paul, but let him pass. Charlie was standing
around the office looking out of place. Loren was hovering
around the desk. The atmosphere was frigid. I knew once Paul
cleared the door, all hell would break loose. Larry was the
first to explode.
  "What the hell is he doing here?"
  "Larry, it's my job. He came to me. I couldn't turn him
away, could I?"
  "I'm glad it's your job and not mine. If he came to me, I
would have decked the mother-fu."
  Loren's hand gently took Larry's arm and he stopped in
mid-sentence. I was impressed with the teamwork. Loren knew
when and how to calm the tiger when he fought to escape his
cage.
  "How are you planning to explain this to Eric," Loren
asked.
  "Wearing full boy armor I imagine," I replied.
  We discussed further the idiocy of my actions, and once
they were sure I was crazy, they decided I wasn't likely to
change. They left for lunch and I went home to prepare my
explanation to Eric. He wasn't going to be happy. I had
given up on any good plan and was reading when first Jared
and then Eric arrived at home. Jared was bouncing around
bubbling on about another evening with Nick. While he was in
the shower, I decided the time wouldn't get any better.
  "Eric, I have something to tell you that you're not going
to want to hear."
  "What have you done now?"
  "I went to the office for a short time this morning.
While I was there I had a visitor."
  He scanned my face for a clue. I didn't know what he
finally saw, but a wave of recognition spread across his
face.
  "It was Paul, wasn't it?"
  I nodded and tried to look apologetic.
  "What happened? Did he do anything rash? Did you call the
police? Dammit, Steve."
  "He didn't do anything but talk. Loren called Larry who
was there in a flash. We also had Charlie come to the office
for effect."
  "Charlie wouldn't hurt a flea," Eric sputtered.
  "No, but Paul didn't know that."
  "Why did he come, to take another shot at you?"
  "He just wanted to talk," I responded.
  I knew there was still trouble lurking in this
conversation.
  "What did he want to talk about with you?"
  "It appears that things have fallen apart at work as
well. He was desperate to get his life back on track."
  I had finally let the cat out of the bag. Eric stared at
me in disbelief. I realized that he was trying to temper the
full extent of his anger. If his face was an indication, it
didn't look like he was winning the battle. When in doubt,
that's right, say nothing. Finally Eric was able to speak.
  "He had the audacity to come to you for help," Eric asked
incredulously.
  Again, I nodded.
  "But what's really going to make me angry is that you
helped him, isn't it?"
  "Eric, I know it's difficult to understand, but it's what
I do. You teach. I do this."
  "You couldn't kick his ass out the door and tell him to
find some other sucker to listen to his bullshit?"
  I caught on that the question was primarily rhetorical,
so I didn't reply. I silently wondered if Eric's earlier
reservations about being involved with a minister were
coming back to haunt him in ways he could never have
imagined.
  "What did you tell him?"
  "I gave him some information and some resources to learn
about his son. I also suggested he come to the PFLAG
meeting," I said hesitantly.
  "Did it ever occur to you that you may have given him
instructions on how to pull the wool over everyone's eyes,"
Eric asked resignedly.
  "No, that didn't occur to me. I don't think he'll be able
to fake it now that they're on to him."
  "I hope you're right."
  "Are you angry with me," I asked tentatively.
  "No. I'm not angry with you. I actually figured you would
do something like this. I didn't think it would be this
soon, though."
  "Eric, I know that this whole situation is very
upsetting, and I'm sorry if I have added to your pain."
  "You haven't. It simply feels as if I was seventeen again
all over. My father has been replaced with my brother-in-
law. He'll try to come between Carol and me just like dad
did."
  "Carol will never abandon you. She's devoted to you,
Eric."
  "I know. But there's a big difference between a father
whose house she was going to leave anyhow, and the man with
whom she planned to spend the rest of her life."
  I took Eric in my arms and we held each other so tightly
it started to hurt. Neither one of us, however, was willing
to let go of the death grip we had on one another. It's so
tragic, because life is difficult enough on it's own without
having to suffer because of someone's stupidity. I was aware
that I was being idealistic, but I had to hope that Paul
would be able to make a real reconciliation.
  The weekend was the usual blur. Jared continued to be
ecstatic with his new boyfriend. Carol came over for dinner
again on Sunday. She said that Paul was spending a lot of
time on the computer. I chose not to tell her of Paul's
visit to my office. I didn't want to raise her hopes
unrealistically. Eric's explanation that Paul was merely
looking for the information for a new scam continued to
trouble me.
  Monday night arrived and I made it a point to be at the
PFLAG meeting. Paul was there right on time. He gave me a
knowing look. I decided that the best thing to do was not to
mention our connection to anyone, but to let him determine
if he wanted to share that information. After introductions
were made, I excused myself from the meeting, and went to
check on the youth. Jared had started meeting with the group
last week, but we made sure that he had other plans to avoid
any possible contact between he and his dad at this point.
Brad Carlisle was still attending. That was good news.
  The next day, I received a call from a Kevin Thompson.
The name didn't ring a bell, but it wasn't unusual to get
calls from people I didn't know. I went on immediate alert,
however, when he identified himself as a friend of Paul
Langley. I did remember that Paul had said his friend at
work was named Kevin.
  "What can I do for you, Kevin?"
  "Paul came in to talk to me today. It was very strange.
He did say he had talked with you and that you knew what all
was happening in his life," he posed more as a question than
a statement.
  "I am familiar with Mr. Langley's situation. Any
conversation with him would be confidential, of course. How
may I help you?"
  "Would our conversation be confidential as well," he
asked.
  "Yes it would. I do try to avoid triangulation, though,
by that I mean getting in the middle between two people."
  "I can appreciate that. Let me try asking what I want to
ask, and if it's inappropriate, then simply say so. Will
that work?"
  "Let's give it a try."
  "Paul said he told you about our argument and what it was
about, so you know that I am gay."
  "Yes, he did tell me that," I replied.
  "Today, he came into my office and apologized. He said he
had been doing a lot of reading, and he asked me if I would
be willing to help him understand."
  "What did you say?"
  "I told him I would. I really value Paul's friendship.
I'm assuming this change of heart came from his conversation
with you."
  "We can never completely understand what drives people to
do what they do."
  "It's just that is seems like such a radical turn around
in a short time."
  "What does that mean to you," I asked.
  "I guess I have to wonder if it's genuine."
  "But are you saying that you're still willing to help?"
  "Yes."
  "I don't believe we have to be totally convinced of
someone's sincerity to be able to offer our support."
  "So it would be OK to help and still keep my eyes open,
in case it's some sort of act."
  "In my line of work, I give support to a lot of people.
It doesn't mean I have to be gullible to do it."
  "Thank you. This has been very helpful," he said with a
sense of relief.
  "You're welcome. And good luck."
  I wasn't sure how to interpret what I had heard. Paul was
obviously doing everything I had suggested. The question was
still his motivation. I couldn't ignore an ominous feeling
about the whole situation, though. I was too deeply involved
to be objective, so I guess I would have to go with the
flow.
  I decided to go home a little early. If the truth were
known, I liked being there when Jared came home. Home? I
wasn't even used to calling Eric's house my home. There was
no way Jared could feel that way. But that's where we were,
when Jared asked to talk to me. The serious look on his face
caught my attention immediately.
  "Steve, can I ask you something?"
  "Sure, Jared. Ask anything you want."
  We were sitting at the kitchen table and he continued to
play with a placemat.
  "This is kind of awkward, but I don't know who else to
ask."
  "It's all right, take all the time you need."
  "I wanted to ask you about sex."
  Oh. I thought it was going to be something about his dad.
What exactly was my role here? Was I a pastor, or a parental
figure, or a friend?
  "I'll try to answer any question I can."
  "I've never done anything before, not with another guy."
  "If you're comfortable telling me, what kind of
experience do you have."
  "With girls, all I've done is kissing. I've known I was
gay for a long time, but because of my father's attitude, I
tried to change. I couldn't go any farther than kissing,
though. It didn't feel right somehow."
  "Can I assume you are asking because of Nick?"
  "We haven't done anything, yet."
  I took the `yet' to be significant.
  "But you want to, don't you?"
  "He's been real nice to me. He hasn't put any pressure on
me. But I know he wants to."
  "What exactly is your question, Jared?"
  "I don't really know what to do. I've read some stories
on the Internet, but I don't know if they are realistic or
not."
  "There's probably some accuracy in those stories, maybe
exaggerated a little. Don't set your expectations on what
you read, though. Everybody is unique and every couple is
different. What's important is what works for you. They say
golf and sex are the two things you don't have to be good at
to enjoy. You don't have to measure what you want by anyone
else's standards."
  "You're not telling me to abstain."
  "I'm telling you to be careful, and of course never do
anything that's not safe. You know what that means don't
you?"
  "Yes. I understand safe sex. They make sure of that in
sex ed."
  "Well, they're right and it's serious business."
  "Are you saying it's all right for me to have sex?"
  "Jared, it's not my place to make that decision. I know
that there's no way to talk to your parents at this time.
Most guys your age wouldn't talk with parents anyway. For
what it's worth, I believe that you are mature enough to
make those decisions."
  "So the responsibility is on me?"
  "Ultimately, that's where it has to be. I will advise you
to not do anything you don't want to do. There's nothing
wrong in going slow. That way nobody gets coerced into a
situation they will later regret."
  "If it feels good, do it," he asked with that ornery
grin.
  "That was the slogan of my generation. You have to chart
your own path, Jared. Your uncle and I will support you in
any way we can, including answering question."
  "What questions are we answering," Eric interrupted as he
entered the kitchen.
  "We were just talking about sex, Uncle Eric," Jared said
with a devilish glint in his eye.
  "Oh, is that all," Eric chuckled. "And here I thought you
two were having a serious discussion."
  The three of us continued to make jokes until the puns
got so bad we had to call a truce. It was moments like these
that you would like to extend forever. Whatever was to come,
we would at least have the memories of good time like this.
Jared's life was a roller coaster at this point. From being
virtually thrown out of his house to finding his first
boyfriend and most likely exploring his sexuality. His
coming out had dramatically changed his life. Whatever
happened now, there was no turning back at this point. I
both envied him and feared for him, but most importantly I
vowed that Eric and I would be there for him when he needed
us.


  Comments are appreciated.  bccccand@netscape.net