Date: Thu, 03 Apr 2003 15:17:00 -0500
From: bccccand@netscape.net
Subject: Metropolitan Romance - 7

Disclaimer: This story is a work of fiction, and any
resemblance to real people or events is coincidental.  It
contains descriptions of sex between adult men.  If this
type of material offends you, or if you are forbidden by law
to read it, please exit the story now.  E-mail comments are
gratefully accepted.

It's been a while since the last chapter. The past few weeks
have been difficult ones as I'm fighting depression. I
considered just quitting the story, but somehow it drew me
back. If the quality of the writing is going down hill,
though, let me know and I will stop. Thanks for your
support.


  Metropolitan Romance-7

  By the next morning, I still felt shell-shocked. Eric and
I had held each other through most of the night. It seemed
difficult for him to leave for school. I knew I would have
liked to spend more time with him. Nothing felt completely
resolved somehow. I went in to the office, but more from a
lack of anything else to do. Loren had become so adept at
reading me that there wasn't any need to rehash what had
happened last night. My car had been in the driveway this
morning as if I had driven it home. Loren brought me a cup
of hot chocolate and smiled knowingly at me. I was almost
overwhelmed by the dependence on Loren that I was
developing. It was amazing how quickly these people were
becoming so important in my life. It wasn't always clear who
was ministering to whom.
  My dazed brain was awakened by Loren announcing that I
had a phone call.
  "This is Steve Williams."
  "Steve, this is Tom Baxter."
  "Hello, Tom. What can I do for you?"
  "I talked with Paul this morning. I asked him about the
canoe trip. I'm desperately hoping for some kind of positive
experience for my grandson. But Paul said something rather
strange."
  "What was that," I asked.
  "He said he didn't think you would want him to go on the
canoe trip now. When I asked him why, he said he didn't want
to talk about it. I don't want to interfere, but I need some
guidance here. I'm still willing to help with the expenses."
  "Tom, I appreciate your help. The funds will allow us to
offer this trip to some boys who wouldn't be able to afford
what the trip would normally cost. I'm afraid I can't say
much about Paul's comment, but we are still planning the
trip and the staff has not been completely decided."
  "That's good to know, Steve. Is there anything else I can
do?"
  "Not that I know of Tom. I truly am grateful for this
contribution. Did you receive the information I sent you
about the canoe trip?"
  "Yes, and my grandson is excited about participating," he
replied.
  "Good. Have him fill out the form I sent you. We will
need releases and medical information, but he ought to be
set to go."
  "Thanks, Steve. And on the other subject, I hope
everything works out for what ever the problem is with
Paul," he said.
  "Thank you, Tom."
  Would I ever figure out Paul Langley? I wasn't sure what
I wanted to do next. I felt immobilized by my feelings. I'm
convinced I didn't get anything accomplished for the rest of
the day. Finally, I decided I might as well go home. It
seemed as if I didn't have the emotional energy to deal with
anything. I simply wanted to be held, but I wasn't convinced
Eric and I were back to that place with each other yet.
  When I drove up in the driveway, I noticed Jared's blue
Toyota pickup. My heart raced as I contemplated why he was
here. I truly had become very attached to that young man. I
had to consider that he might be coming by to say that
because of the situation at home he would need to stay away
for a while. As I opened the door, I took in a deep breath
and stepped into the entryway. Jared was sitting in the
living room looking handsome as ever in his tight blue jeans
and Abercrombie t-shirt. He seemed nervous, which I took as
a bad sign.
  "Hi, Jared. Good to see you."
  "Hi, Steve. I hope you don't mind that I stopped by. I
needed to talk to you," he said, barely making eye contact.
  "Sure, Jared. Sit down. What's on your mind," I asked as
we each took a chair in our own perspective corners.
  "I hadn't talked with you since the other night, when,
you know," he trailed off meekly.
  "That was a pretty dramatic scene that night. I've been
concerned about you. Is everything going all right?"
  "It's a little strange at home. It's like everyone is
walking on eggshells. My dad is really trying though. He
sounds like he accepts me."
  "Jared, my father died when I was young and I always
wished for another chance with him. I hope things work out
for you and your dad."
  "He said some mean things about you that night. I was
standing by the door for some time. I almost walked out
until I heard him say he would fight for me."
  "I wondered how much you had heard."
  "You must hate my father," Jared whispered.
  "No, Jared. I don't hate your father. I'm not sure I
understand him, but I don't hate him."
  "Even after the awful things he said about you," he
asked.
  "No," I replied. "Does your father know how much you
heard?"
  He shook his head and looked at his hands that were
folded in his lap.
  "Jared, I know this is a difficult time for you."
  "You're so much easier to talk to than my father," Jared
said almost crying.
  "It's not unusual for fathers and sons to have difficulty
sharing their feelings. It wasn't that easy with my own
sons," I stated, holding back the emotion that threatened to
surface.
  "Am I going to lose you if I try to start over again with
my father?"
  Perhaps this was the question he had come here to ask.
  "There is no reason for you and I not to have a
relationship. I hope to be with your uncle Eric for a long
time and that makes us family too."
  Jared sprang out of his chair and ran into my arms as I
stood to embrace him. As he began to sob, I held him as
tightly as I could. For all I knew I was cracking his ribs,
but he didn't complain. I realized as my own tears fell how
much I had feared losing this young man whom I had come to
love. As we began to regain our composure, I realized we
were not alone. Eric was standing in the doorway. As I
caught his eye, he smiled and walked toward us.
  "How are my two favorite men doing," Eric said as he put
his arms around both of us.
  Jared looked at him and returned his smile. The three of
stood there together, none of us wanting to break the
moment.  Finally Jared spoke.
  "Thank you Steve. Thank you uncle Eric. Thank you for
everything you have done. I don't know how I would have made
it through the last several weeks without the two of you."
  "We're here for you, bud," Eric said. "You know that."
  "Is there anything we can do to help at this point,
Jared," I asked.
  "Well," he paused. "I kind of hated to ask. You've done
so much for me already."
  "You can go ahead and ask," I reassured. "There might be
something we couldn't do, but we'll certainly do all we
can."
  "I know it may be early," he resumed. "But I was hoping
eventually we could get the whole family back together
again."
  The look on his face showed that he understood the
magnitude of his request. Eric's expression spoke a great
deal of his reluctance on this issue as well.
  "We're only part of that equation, Jared," I said,
stalling for time.
  "I know mom and dad want you to come back. They've said
they understand how much I miss both of you," he said so
expectantly.
  I knew I had pushed Eric a lot recently. This was going
to be one decision where his timing was sacred. This was his
family and I had already been a big part of stirring things
into a tempest as it was.
  "We'll have to see, Jared," Eric answered. "We can't make
any promises. Maybe everybody needs some space for a while."
  Jared tried to cover the disappointment that flashed
across his face anyway. Eric noticed it, but I kept quiet. I
gave Jared another smile, hoping to encourage him a little.
Jared then said he needed to get home. His parents didn't
know he was stopping by, so he didn't want them to worry.
Eric gave him a parting promise to consider what he had
asked. Again it was just the two of us.
  "I heard you tell Jared that you wanted to be with me for
a long time. Did you mean it," Eric asked.
  "I meant every word. Eric Andrews, I'm in this for the
long haul if you'll have me."
  His response was to take me in his arms and place his
lips against mine. Soon we were passionately trying to climb
into each other's skin. Clothes were quickly discarded. I
certainly hoped Jared had shut the door. As I laid on my
back on the couch with Eric over me, I realized it had been
some time since we had been amorous in the middle of the
day. Eric often let me take the lead in deciding what we
would do, but now he was taking charge. He needed to be
inside of me and I wanted him there. It felt tremendous
being taken by this man.
  Afterwards, we both lay on the couch that wasn't quite
big enough for the two of us like this. Neither one of
wanted to move, though. I think we could have stayed that
way all evening, but the phone rang. I was tempted to let it
ring, but that was something that was difficult for Eric to
do.
  While he talked with someone obviously from school, I
decided to start dinner. Neither one of had gotten dressed
yet. It was almost unthinkable for Eric to walk around the
house naked. But there he was wearing nothing but a smile.
This could definitely turn out to be a fun evening.
  The next day was Saturday, and Eric and I were being
lazy, lying in bed, recovering from an absolutely incredible
night. The phone rang and Eric answered. He's much more
compulsive about that phone than I am. It was his sister
inviting us for Sunday dinner. Obviously Jared had at least
reported in about his conversation with us. I wanted the
decision to be Eric's, but we talked about what it would be
like to resume the Sunday dinners. We knew it would be
awkward as hell, but if we were ever going back, it was an
obstacle we would have to overcome eventually. Neither one
of us had a clue as to what to expect from Paul. Finally,
Eric suggested that we try it. If it didn't feel right we
could make it a short visit and eat and run. I sensed that
he really wanted to reconnect with his sister. She was way
too important to him to stay away too long.
  The telephone call and the discussion after had dampened
the mood of the morning but not the closeness. I didn't want
to be very far away from him for some reason. I found myself
following him from room to room. When I trailed into the
utility room after him, he realized I was shadowing him. He
turned and took me in his arms.
  "What is this? You're never clingy," Eric said.
  "I don't know," I replied. "I just want to be near you.
Is that all right?"
  "Oh yes. It's perfectly all right. It surprised me,
that's all. You are usually more. independent."
  "Well, regardless of what I may project, I do desperately
need you," I affirmed. "I have become very dependent on you
if case you haven't noticed."
  "I like being needed."
  Soon, the washing machine wasn't the only thing spinning.
We hadn't been this physically demanding since early in the
relationship. Maybe we were getting a new start. What ever
it was, I certainly wasn't complaining. We spent the entire
day hardly ever more than arm's distance apart from each
other. By evening, we were cuddled up together on the couch
watching television. As we sat there with as much physical
contact as we could arrange, I reflected that it had been
one of the happiest days in a long time. We decided to turn
in early, since neither one of us wanted to start some new
project. I thought that maybe our ardor would start to wane.
Boy was I wrong. By the time Sunday morning cane around, I
literally floated into church. One thing about this
congregation was that sometimes they were too smart. More
than one person winked and made a comment like `someone got
lucky last night.' They had no idea how lucky I was.
  Eric and I tried to stay focused on those good feelings
as we drove to the Langley home. With fear and trepidation
we walked up to the door. Jared was instantly there to greet
us. The look on his face told us we had made the right
decision. Now, if everything would hold together for one
meal. Carol quickly joined us and was all hugs and smiles.
Paul followed after her, but he was definitely nervous. That
didn't necessarily mean anything, however. In the past, he
demonstrated that he could shift suddenly from vulnerable to
aggressive in a heartbeat. He shook our hands, and making
eye contact, told us he appreciated us being there. Time
would tell. Conversation over dinner was a bit stilted, but
we were all good enough at protocol to keep things moving.
Jared was the one bright spot as he was obviously reveling
in having the family together again. In his excitement,
Jared stumbled into one of the many minefields we were all
so desperately trying to avoid.
  "Steve, I'm really excited about the canoe trip," Jared
said enthusiastically. "How are the plans going? Do you have
enough sponsors?"
  The room went as still as a crypt. The rest of us
evidently were aware of the dilemma as to whether or not
Paul was going to be a sponsor. Call me impulsive. Call me a
fool. I had a sudden instinct and acted on it.
  "We actually need at least one more man to help," I
began. "Paul, does your offer still stand to go on the
trip?"
  If it was quiet before, now everyone had stopped
breathing. Paul finally spoke.
  "You.you would let me.I mean you want me to go?"
  "Yes, Paul, I think it would be good if you were to
participate."
  Then Paul did something I would never have expected. He
turned to Jared and with complete sincerity asked his son if
he wanted him to go on the canoe trip. In a way I wouldn't
have believed possible, he transmitted respect to what his
son wanted. Every single one of us caught the magnitude of
what was happening. And when Jared told his father that he
very much wanted him to go on the trip, there wasn't a dry
eye in the room. But the surprises weren't finished. Paul
began again.
  "Do you suppose Nick would like to go, also," Paul asked
Jared. Then turning to me, "That would be all right,
wouldn't it?"
  "Yes," I responded. "The trip is open to any gay youth.
There is still room for several more guys."
  Jared was now overcome with excitement, relief, and pure
joy. Father and son stood and embraced. I had no more doubts
about Paul's love for his son. He still might make mistakes.
This new attitude was still in the early stages. But he had
convinced me that his love was real. Jared left to call
Nick, leaving the four adults alone together for the first
time that afternoon. Paul once again took the lead.
  "Steve, I can't thank you enough for what you've done.
I'm not sure why you keep giving me chances, but I'm
extremely grateful. I vow that I will not betray the
confidence you have bestowed on me." Turning to Eric he
continued, "Hold onto this guy, Eric. I think you've found a
winner."
  "After the way he held onto me last night," I
interjected, "I'm not going anywhere."
  Eric blushed and then turned white as a sheet. Carol's
wide-open mouth finally formed into a smile. But the
expression on Paul's face was priceless. Pure astonishment
then worked its way into that patented grin that he and his
son both had fine-tuned to perfection.
  "Definitely a TMI," Paul said. "Most definitely a TMI."
  Then everyone started to snicker. For reasons we perhaps
wouldn't even have been able to name, we all started
laughing so hard we were red in the face. Jared came back in
the room and was floored.
  "What did I miss? How come I miss all the good stuff?"
  Somebody tried to explain it to him, but nobody could
stop laughing long enough to talk. Soon, Jared was laughing
at the four strange adults who couldn't seem to regain their
composure. We finally settled down and told Jared what had
been so funny. He naturally didn't think it was that funny,
which of course it wasn't. We went on to talk about the
canoe trip. Nick was sure he could go but was going to check
with his parents. We talked about a lot of things, and the
conversation was definitely now much more congenial. As Eric
and I prepared to leave, Paul came up to us. First with me
and then with Eric, he put his arms around each of us and
held us tightly. There were also hugs from Carol and Jared.
  It might seem that a minister's schedule would revolve
around Sundays. Mine seemed to hinge on Monday mornings.
Loren and I had spent a good part of the morning
coordinating the church calendar and creating our to-do list
for the week. Both the dance for the youth and the dance for
the adults were shaping up nicely. With Paul going on the
canoe trip, that staff was in good shape. I decided that a
staff training for the trip would be a good way to introduce
the different men who were going and discuss rules and
philosophy for their time together. I gave Loren several
times that were good for me. It is always so time consuming
to try and get even a small group together with everyone's
busy schedules. Surprisingly, Loren came back that afternoon
with a time for this Saturday that all the adults could
attend. Loren had also prepared a tentative budget for the
trip.
  Eric called in the middle of the afternoon. I realized it
was his planning period.
  "High, Steve. You got a minute," he said.
  "For you, babe, I've got all the time in the world."
  "I've been online looking for some more info for our trip
this summer and had a few questions."
  "As long as I can be with you, anything will be great," I
replied.
  "While I appreciate the sentiment, Steve, a little input
would also be helpful."
  "OK, what are my choices?"
  We went on to discuss preferences of some options along
the way. As much as we were in love, there was still a lot
we didn't know about each other. We were getting there, but
there's a point in a relationship that can only be reached
after some time together. Neither one of us was confident we
could always predict what the other wanted. In life-long
relationships, it's often the little things that have a big
impact on the quality of that relationship. Fortunately our
compatibility was being confirmed as we made plans for our
first vacation together.
  I was about ready to leave for the day when Loren stepped
into my office.
  "Chief, Brad Carlisle is here and wants to speak with
you. He seems very upset."
  "Show him in, Loren," I said as I stood to greet a young
man who had seen more than his share of grief. "Brad, come
in and sit down. What can I do for you?"
  "Rev. Williams, my counselor suggested I talk with you.
It's about my dad," he sputtered out with some difficulty.
  "You can call me Rev. Williams or you can call me Steve.
Which ever is more comfortable for you. I'm glad you came to
see me."
  "My counselor and I have talked about a lot of stuff. He
thinks it's time I started trying to forgive my dad. He said
you might be able to help me. I'm having a tough time with
it."
  "Brad, forgiveness can be a difficult thing to do. You
will never in your life ever forget the things that have
happened. You've maybe heard the phrase `forgive and
forget,'" I asked.
  He nodded.
  "The real goal, the real challenge is to forgive and
remember. Every time you think about what has happened with
you and your father, you're going to have some pretty deep
feelings. You can't change what has happened, but you can
choose how you will react to the memories. Forgiveness is
letting go of the anger. It's saying I've been angry long
enough. Today I choose to respond differently. Do you
understand what I'm saying?"
  "I think so. It's just that every time I think about him,
I get so upset," he answered.
  "Are you tired of being angry yet?"
  "Yeah," he said with a sense of surprise, "I am kind of
tired of it."
  "Brad, the memories aren't going to change, but you can,"
I said softly.
  "How do I do that?"
  "When you can decide that you want to forgive, you have
half the battle won. I'm sure your counselor can give you
other suggestions, but you might try writing your father a
letter. If you don't like what it says, you don't have to
mail it. If it does sound good, giving it to him might start
the healing process between you two."
  "I'll try that, Rev. Williams. And thanks."
  He stood to leave. I could tell he was questioning
whether or not a hug was appropriate. Even gay teens can be
awkward about propriety. He settled for shaking my hand. It
had been a long day and there were still meetings tonight.
It was definitely time to go home. Yes, that's exactly what
it felt like. Home.

  Comments are appreciated.  bccccand@netscape.net