Date: Thu, 7 Jul 2011 14:23:31 -0400
From: preecherdave@gmail.com
Subject: Murder Changed My Life

All characters are fictional and products of the author's fertile imagination.

If you are underage or opposed to gay sex, then do not read this story.

Comments welcome to preecherdave@gmail.com

			  Murder Changed My Life

I hate this traffic. I was on the only east/west autoroute, in one of
Canada's large cities. It was only 3:25 in the afternoon and it was stop
and go, either an accident or civil servants were trying to escape rush
hour early. Over the radio came the call for a special unit car to go to
the centre of the city's Gay Village. I was the closest so I got off the
autoroute and took my speediest route to the spot the dispatcher gave. I
was obviously the first official response on the scene. I jumped out and
made my way through the small group of onlookers. The figure was about 10
metres down a parking lot lying on the ground beside a cement wall in a
small parking lot with cars in it. One quick sight and I knew that I was in
for a long and difficult few hours.

Lying on the ground was a young looking man with a couple of guys trying to
help hm. I identified myself as a Sergeant in the Police Force and asked
them to step aside and tell me what they knew. There was blood all over him
and a small pool on the ground. His eyes were wide with pain and fear. I
knelt and discovered the whole in his sweater and shirt. There was lots of
blood seeping out of the wound in his chest. Stabbed? I talked to him
gently as I took off my jacket and then my clean shirt. I balled it up and
pressed it gently against the wound to try and stem the bleeding. I took
his hand and told him that help was on the way and all would be OK. I tried
to sound more positive than I felt. Seconds felt like minutes. He murmured
"Tell ma and Miche...." and I saw the look in his eyes start to fade. I
grabbed him and told him to hold on I could hear the ambulance approach.
His body seemed to loose its tension and I knew. The medics tried but they
said there was no pulse and he was dead. However, they were going to
continue their efforts until the hospital and a doctor could see him.

I got up and by instinct cleared the scene, took names of bystanders. I
took the contents of the guy's pockets and looked through them and then
bagged them. It gave me his name, verified by his Driver's Licence picture,
a good Irish name. I had automatically gone into my cop routine. Another
patrol car arrived. They took over. One of the medics came up to me and
told me that I could go into shock. They grabbed me, seated me by the back
of the ambulance and gave me some hot sweet liquid and put a blanket around
me. I felt numb. He had slipped away. He had died in my arms. Sweet Jesus
but I shook. Finally, I did my male thing and shook my head, stood up and
walked over to my car.

I was covered in his blood. I noticed a guy approaching my direction from
the supermarket opposite the parking lot. He stopped and looked over at the
stretcher with the body and all the blood in view. We could hear the
attendants saying there was little use but to keep up treatment. He put his
hands to his mouth and dropped the grocery bags. He moved towards to me in
obvious distress.

"I'm Michel Potvin. That is James O'Reilly, I know him. I overheard the
attendants and I can tell that he is dead."

"You know that I cannot release the name of a crime victim."

"Officer, I saw his face. I know him very well; he lives in this area. I
know his next of kin. I know all the things that you could spend hours
looking for. By the way, you should change. You are covered in blood."

The least of my worries were my looks but his words did bring me back to
reality. I owed it to the family to inform them before they heard rumours
or were approached by the press.

"OK, tell me where James' next of kin live. I cannot stop anyone following
me if they wanted to."

He gave me a look of disbelief and I think, admiration and quietly told me
the address. He said that he was driving a red Lexus and pointed to it. He
added that someone could always follow him.

"By the way, I shall not spread the word until it is officially released. I
appreciate what you did for him. I know the family well and I can help you
there. Your response was quite different than I expected!"

"Yes, we all have our preconceptions. I don't mean that as a put down. I
know that I have mine."

"By the way his mother is French speaking and is not good in English.
That's one of the reasons that I am going."

"C'est OK. Je parle francais. (It's OK. I speak French.)" More looks of
puzzlement.

"OK, Officer ?" He paused.

"Sergeant Paul Jameson, Michel. You can call me Paul. I suspect we are
going to get to know each other quite well."

"Probably not as well as I would like." He added quickly with a grim smile,
"Let's go. The traffic will only get worse." I went to my cruiser. I pulled
off my t shirt and the protective gloves that are mandatory in such cases
and put on a shirt I carry for emergencies. I noticed the look I got from
Michel Potvin.

"Thanks for reminder of the t shirt. This job is going to be tough enough
on the family." He smiled a knowing smile.

So we started the long journey that would end in one of the jobs I hated
the most. I knew the routine. The looks and words. Who was I? Why were the
police coming to their home. Was there son OK? What did I mean that he had
died; that wasn't possible? Or at least variations on the theme.

When we finally arrived at a neat house in the east end of the city, an
area of working class and lower middle class people who owned their own
houses and were proud of them. The house was kept up with a well trimmed
garden and lawn. The flowers were beautiful, a contrast to the news I would
bring. Michel suggested that he go first and then introduce me.

"Michel what are you doing here? It has been so long. I miss you." She
grabbed him in a big hug and looked at me.

"Ma, it has been too long. I have someone you have to meet."

"He's a good looking man, Michel. Take good care of him. Come on in."  She
ushered us into the house and we sat down.

A little embarrassed, Michel told her that it was not what she thought and
that I was actually Sergeant Jameson of the Police and I had to talk to
her. I wondered what it was that she had thought; I did have an inkling of
an idea. All this was said in French so I replied in French. Now was the
hard part, I hated it. What do you say to the mother of someone who had
died in your arms just a couple of hours ago.

"Madame O'Reilly, I am so sorry that I have to meet you like this." The
first look of concern. "James was hurt badly this afternoon." The look of
fear. "I am so sorry that I and medics did all could do for him but I think
that he died at the scene late this afternoon. Michel was passing and he
told me where I could talk to you. I didn't want you to hear rumours or get
calls from reporters. We shall try to keep this information private as long
as we can." The look of total disbelief.

"Ma, I am so sorry; I was there. Sergeant Jameson did everything that he
could to save James." He moved quickly to put his arms around her as she
slumped in her seat and began to sob. When we explained the circumstance,
she didn't seem totally surprised. I told her that he was taken to the
hospital and I would check to make sure that I was correct. A glimmer of
hope in her eyes. A few minutes later, when I received a call back from
dispatch, the glimmer faded.

I asked if I could get her anything. I asked if I could I make some tea or
coffee? She said a good strong cup of tea would be nice. Michel told me
where the things were and I went off to make it. I could hear the soft
words of support and comfort from the kitchen. I was mentally thanking my
lucky break that Michel was there. When the tea was made, I took out three
mugs, sugar and milk. We drank our tea and talked quietly about what had
happened, what would happen and what she could do. I tried to give as much
comfort and understanding while giving her what she need to know for the
next while. I gave her my card and told her to phone about anything that
she needed. Michel promised to stay until her husband returned. He came out
the car with me.

"Paul, you are a remarkable man. I can see the Police Department is lucky
to have someone like you around."

"Michel, I am just doing my job in the best way that I can. After this
afternoon I feel connected to the case as I have never been before."

"He died in your arms, didn't he?" Michel asked with tears in his eyes.

"Yes." Tears formed in my eyes. "Michel, I shall need to talk to you
tomorrow. You and James were very close at some time weren't you? You know
Madame O'Reilly and the house very well."

"I guess you are not a detective for nothing. I might as well be blunt. We
were lovers until about 9 months ago. I ended it. I think that we should go
no further until we talk. I hope that is OK."

"Michel, I am so sorry. You must be feeling absolutely terrible. I had no
idea that you were that close. Thank you so much for the help and kindness
to me and Madame O'Reilly. You are remarkable."

I suggested that we go off and talk somewhere comfortable tomorrow. He
liked the idea. We agreed to met at a pub for a late lunch. That seemed to
suit both our timetables. I went back to the office to brief my boss on all
that had happened. He thanked me for all I had done and told me to make
myself scarce. He asked if I needed any counselling. I told him that I
thought I knew the signs and that I thought that I was OK but I asked him
to keep a watch on me as I would myself. As I was getting into my car to go
home, my cell rang.

It was Jan, a friend. Her first words were that you guys had an eventful
afternoon. I replied that she didn't know the half of it. She guessed that
I was involved. When I told her my involvement, she told me to go home have
a shower and be at her apartment in short order for food and comfort. I
realized that the comfort that Jan would offer was just what the doctor
would order. I hated the expression but we were friends with benefits. I
really hadn't had any successful, long term relationships and I guess I had
stopped looking, hoping that someone would just turn up. Jan and a few
other woman I knew, in the same position as me, helped each other out when
needed.

The smell in Jan's apartment and her welcome were just what I needed. The
smell was a wonderful lasagna cooking with magical tomato and herbs aromas
filling the air. Jan was a good cook. Her kiss almost made me forget the
food and go for the comfort. First round, however, went to the food. We
chatted and at some point after supper as I got to the details and my eyes
filled with tears. She came over and pulled me to the sofa and hugged and
held me tight. That led to kisses and I was quickly in bed filled with a
passion to acknowledge life. She held me tight and kissed me as I entered
her, attempting to wipe away the scenes of the afternoon. It worked. I
needed more therapy early the next morning.

I met Michel at a pub in the heart of the gay village. The atmosphere was
cozy and the food excellent as was the company. We chatted amiably about my
job and his, about life in the village and finally I had to bring it around
to the topic. We clarified why he was in the area. His dated, timed receipt
from the supermarket across the street from the murder, verified it. I
advised him to keep it, just to be on the safe side.

"Michel, I am sorry but I have to ask you about James. You said that you
knew him well but that you had a parting of the ways. Can you tell me about
James?"

"'I knew him well.' Still the diplomat, Paul. James and I had a
relationship that started last year. We were together for about 4 months. I
got to know Ma and the family. We started out very passionately and very
simpatico but after about 2 months, I noticed an increasing change in
James. He had met some guys at a pub one night and I noticed that there was
an attraction between him and couple of the guys. We had kept our separate
apartments but in the first 2 months we were almost always together at his
or my place. Slowly I noticed that after that night at the pub, he began to
have excuses that he had something on after work or he wouldn't show up as
arranged or he came late. One night about 2 ½ months after we had started
together, he was obviously late and high when he came to my place. I was
annoyed and told him to go to bed and I would see him in the morning. He
became quite belligerent. I stood my ground and he was all excuses and
apologies the next morning. His behaviour slowed down for a short while but
within the week he was slipping back and it was obvious that he was quite
high often."

"One night after another excuse of being busy, I called a friend and we met
at a pub in the Village. By chance James was there with the guys. James
didn't see me. He was very high and it was clear that his dancing and
actions were almost obscene with one of the guys. Their hands were all over
each other, with long intimate kisses. Rumours had started amongst my
friends that he was really using. I finally confronted him. It was total
denial. When I said that I saw him with my eyes. He lashed out accusing me
of spying on him and limiting his freedom. I told him that he was free to
do as he wanted but so was I. I would not accept his behaviours or his drug
use. He seemed OK for maybe a couple of days and then .... I finally packed
his things at my place, went to his and got my stuff. I called him and we
met. Amidst tears and apologies, I made him give back my key and I gave him
his. I made it clear that I would help him with the drugs and his life but
our time together was over at this point. Within days I heard rumours were
that he was already using heavily and was in debt."

"Michel, I am so sorry. You have gone through something I never have. I
cannot imagine what it was like. You obviously cared deeply for him."

"I did and I even went and talked to Ma. She too had noticed a difference
and I explained my actions and we discussed her possible reactions."

"You know, I noticed that she didn't seem surprised. I saw the disbelief
and sadness but no surprise. At some point, could we go to a couple of the
pubs he frequented and look for the guys he was with? I shall be very
discreet; I shall pretend to use my phone and see if I can get some
pictures."

"Is this a date?" I just gave him the look and we both laughed. "It would
be my pleasure. Oh, the delightful rumours that will start. You do know
that you are a stud and will be hit on continuously all night? You know
that we shall have to dance to make it realistic?" More laughing and
blushing by me.

"By the way, Michel, I am on the case but I have told my boss that someone
else should take over the formal part of the investigation. You will
probably be contacted and have to give a statement. That's a heads up so
that you can think back and clarify that day in your mind. It is not a big
deal. You have my card, call me if you have any problems or questions. I
guess that next time that I shall see you is at the funeral."

"Paul, I speak for Ma and myself. I know how much you have done for Ma. I
appreciate being able to just chat about James. It has helped. Thank you,
mille fois (very much)." With that he put his hand on top of mine and
squeezed. My first reaction was to jerk my hand away but that would only
show fear. He would not understand my real fear. I had promised myself
never to let myself be close to a man again. This man was getting too
close. With a little grin, I turned my hand over and shook his. He looked
disappointed but at least not repelled. Had I made a mistake, suggesting to
go to a gay pub with him?

Several days later, I arrived at the funeral home. I went directly to Ma
and her husband and gave Ma the single white rose that I had brought for
her. I told her that for me it was a symbol of life and hope. She hugged me
and thanked me for all my kindness. I went over and signed the book and
looked at the pictures of a happier James. I was filled with sadness as I
thought back to the day that I had found him. I guess my face showed it. A
hand gently touched my shoulder and Michel looked at me with almost the
same moist eyes that I had.

"You have great admirer. Ma thinks that you walk on water."

"Does she know the whole story?"

"Yes."

"Michel, I don't know if this is the time but maybe it is. James spoke some
last words to me. Are you ready for them?"

He looked quizzically at me but said gently, "Yes."

I looked at him with tears in my eyes and I put my hand on his shoulder. I
paused and looked at him,"Tell Ma and Miche.... His last words were thought
of Ma and you. He knew that he had hurt you." I didn't want to tell him of
the look of pain and fear. That, he didn't have to know. Before I knew it
Michel's head was on my shoulder and his body was racked with small
shudders as I am sure that tears were flowing.

When he stopped, he looked at me with a look of softness and thanks.
"Strangely, I don't feel guilty, just infinitely sad. Somehow this has
taken away some of the pain and remorse. Again, I am in your debt."  There
was movement around us as people were being ushered to the service. We had
been for a small moment in our own little universe.

After the service, at the reception, there were a group of men at one end
of the room, talking together. I had seen Michel with them before and
assumed that they were friends of James and Michel. As I was getting a
sandwich one of them came over.

"Here is the hero of the hour, our wonderful Sergeant." My body tensed at
the sarcasm and the inappropriate remarks from someone I hadn't even met. I
went into my defensive shell, outwardly calm, cool and detached but
inwardly, watch out.

"Sorry, I don't know you. Yes, I am Sergeant Jameson."

"I suppose you have come to see if you can pin any of this on us. What a
headline. Gay killer strikes in Gay Village. What's with Michel? Is he your
prime suspect? You seemed to upset him earlier."

The guy didn't know me. I was talking very quietly and deliberately. I was
holding back a blazing anger. "Actually, I'm here as a private citizen to
support Madame O'Reilly and express my condolences on a sad ending to a
life." His bitter laugh was a sneer. I could see Michel was moving quickly
to my side. But now I was unstoppable. "You little self satisfied,
prejudiced prick. James died in my arms and spoke his last words to me. As
for Michel, I just told him James' last words; they were meaningful to
him. Michel has more compassion in his little finger than in your whole
body, you hypocrite."

"Alain, take your stupid prejudices somewhere else. This man has been more
help to Ma and family than you and most people in the community. Get lost
before I totally lose my temper." Alain ambled off with a self satisfied
smirk. "Paul, I am so sorry that you had to take that from Alain." He put
his hand gently on my shoulder and moved me over to the coffee and drinks.
"You deserve better. Will you join us at a get together at my house after
the cremation service? I can assure you that Alain was not invited. You
might like to meet my friends; they are civilized. After a hug to Ma and
again instructions to phone if she needed anything, I left. I joined Michel
and friends after work and did have a civilized time.

Friday two days later my cell rang as I was driving to another case. "Paul,
how about our date? Tonight or tomorrow night. I have such a busy schedule,
both days are free. Pathetic isn't it?"

"Actually, I'm free tonight but not tomorrow. Hot date, Saturday."

"Hot date but how can that be, you didn't invite me, breeder." He chuckled

I groaned, "Maybe another time, gay boy." I could hear his throaty
chuckle. "Time, place and attire for tonight?"

We met at his small house at 9:30 and I parked my car. Michel lived in the
Gay Village and we were going to walk to different bars.

When he opened his door, his eyes widened and he moaned, "Oh,wow. Paul you
clean up well. I am not going to able to keep the guys off you." We were
both comfortable enough that we both laughed and I took the drink he
offered. I savoured it. His house was modern and sophisticated; what I
would have expected from Michel. I really hadn't taken much in the day of
James' funeral. It was comfortable and made me feel instantly at home. How
could James have given this up; how could he have given Michel up? When
asked for my choice of music I asked for 20th century classical, perhaps
Ravel or Gershwin with jazz influences. Again, Michel looked perplexed but
satisfied. "Paul stop this. He dresses up superbly, likes classical music
and scotch. Is this all an act" He smiled with genuine affection.

"What you see is what you got. Tell me about your paintings."  And he
did. He obviously liked and knew his art. I eventually had to suggest that
we should go as it was getting close to arrival time for the crowds.

My first time, in years in a gay bar, brought back both pleasant and
unnerving memories. Men everywhere. All different shapes, sizes, ages but
all chatting, dancing and enjoying an evening with friends. Some were just
fantastic looking. What was I saying, Michel was a prime stud who obviously
worked out as I did and had a wonderful, tasteful choice of a well cut,
beautifully coloured shirt and pants that fitted like a glove. Oh, shit I
was noticing. I cannot go back. I was here on business. We sat at a table
and watched for a while.

Finally, Michel said, "Come on Paul, time to dance. We have to keep up the
official story. We are together on a date." I reluctantly got up and joined
him on the floor. I instantly remembered all the moves and Michel danced
with grace. The music changed to a slower beat and I suddenly felt him come
in close and whisper that we had to keep up the pretence. I almost melted
into him. I could feel my body becoming charged with energy. No I had to be
honest, suffused with sexual energy. Michel must have felt me tense up. He
drew back and looked at me and asked if I was OK and was this too much for
the straight man.

"Michel, someday I shall explain. There is no problem with you or the
situation but I guess I have to focus on our reason for coming. I did get
the reason correctly, didn't I?" I asked with a sly smile.

"Yes and no." was his cryptic reply also with a sly smile.

We circulated around the room and he indicated that none of the guys he
remembered were here. He suggested a slightly seedier club down the street.
We did the same thing there and had the same results. We decided to try one
last club that night and it was again seedier. He warned me that the men
were a little more aggressive and to be on my guard. We were not to
separate. I reminded him that I was a police officer and he reminded me
that he knew the scene.

We struck gold. Up dancing was one of the guys and the other was at the bar
scanning the room. We went to bar, close to the guy that Michel had pointed
out. I said loudly that my damn phone was vibrating and I had to take the
call. I had set it ready to take a picture. I got the guy at the bar. Again
we went on the dance floor. It was all business for both of us, no return
of the feelings earlier. I managed the same routine on the floor. We
accidentally bumped into the guy after I had taken the picture. A nasty
piece of work when he swore and threatened us. I saw the guy he was with
who was high, look with appreciation at his display of manliness. Was this
the beginnings of another James? We finished our drinks and left.

We decided that we would head back to his home. I accepted the excellent
scotch that he offered and let him choose the music. I liked both his
choices. We sat in silence for a couple of minutes, reflecting on the
night's activities. I realized how potentially dangerous the situation
could have been. However, I had been armed, had my badge and we got what we
needed. I quickly remembered my feelings on the dance floor. In my mind,
that was more dangerous than the task we had set.

"Paul, can I make a comment. I felt something on the dance floor. I felt
you relax and then tense; that tells me you were conflicted. You don't have
to answer.  I want you to know I had a great evening and I am not ashamed
to say that I would like to repeat it without the task we had. I haven't
said this to many men for a long time." He smiled at me. "There, you can
run now! Make your escape!"

I cocked my head and gave him a rye smile. "Well Doctor Psychologist, I had
a great evening as well, a little adventure, good companionship, a good
dancer and a little danger. Can we ever top that?"

"Yes, we could."

"I may sound abrupt but I think that I have to go. There are lots of
dangers in this world, Michel and some are internal. Do you like film? If
so, give me a call and we can arrange an evening."

"My enigmatic straight man. Paul, sorry but you have just shifted the
burden to me. I think that you have to make up your mind if and when you
want to go to a movie with me. Just a night out for two friends." He
paused. "I think there are some things that you have to sort out in your
mind. I had a great evening. Thanks."

At the door, I finally found my voice. "Michel, please believe me I enjoyed
this evening as well. You are a very special person." I paused and looked
at him. As he came closer, I reach out and pulled him into a hug. It was
half manly hug and half not. We held it a bit longer than a manly hug
called for. Some of the feelings from the evening returned. I hoped he did
not feel parts of me filling out. I cautioned myself again, Paul, you are
playing with fire.

The next few days were spent tracking down the names of the guys whose
pictures I had taken. We found their names and sent Constables out to
question them and take statements. I spent a large part of a day taking
their photos around the area of the murder. One of them had a good, checked
out alibi. The one who had been nasty on the dance floor gave an alibi and
it didn't check out. He was brought in for questioning. Apparently under
intensive questioning, he named the name of some drug dealer who supplied
him. It turned out that James owed a lot of money to one of them. It took a
lot of time to track his details.

I was glad that I was working so hard. It meant that I didn't have time to
think and reflect on the night we got the pictures. At home, I was
listless. Jan phoned but I begged off with fatigue. It was evenings when
things got worse. Then there were the dreams. I had dreams of Ron and I
together. There, I finally used the name. One dream, he was on top of me,
entering me; I woke covered in semen.  On Friday night, Ron morphed into
Michel as we sucked each other. I woke up wet again.

I finally phoned Jeff, my friend from University who knew all about my
story. We met for lunch on Saturday. I was frank and we had a long talk. He
asked some very good questions. How many women had I gone with? Why did I
not click? How did sex with them compare with Ron; there was the question.
How did I feel about Michel and why? Did I want to risk a chance? Was I
ready to take a chance that could affect my life, my work. It was a
different time and place than 10 years ago. Yeah, had he ever been in the
squad room? Saturday night was almost sleepless. I woke from a short dream
and sleep with Ron becoming Michel and I making love.

On Sunday afternoon, I ended up walking around the Village, first the crime
scene and then on Michel's street. On impulse, I rang his doorbell. He
opened the door in a t shirt and form fitting, old jeans. He looked like a
model, rugged, a days growth, hair not combed. I was almost speechless.

"Paul, you looked tired and wasted. Come in for some coffee. I began to
think that I would not hear from my enigmatic friend. Would you like a
sandwich? I have some makings." I was almost mute but I nodded and managed
to stammer that it would be great.

We chatted about what I had been doing. A concert at the Arts Centre, he
had attended. A new artist he had seen at a vernissage. His life was filled
with things I liked. My life this last week had been a wasteland of boring
dimensions. I felt comfortable and relaxed for the first time in days. He
finally asked what I was doing in the neighbourhood and why I had dropped
by?

"You. I wanted to see you and talk." I paused.

"You have been thinking and challenging yourself. Not much sleep. Ah, ah!"
He smiled and raised his eyebrows as much as to ask if he was going to hear
my story.

Without preamble I started. "In high school, I was big, played sports, was
popular and had almost any girl I wanted. Same in the first year of
University. The relationships never lasted. I never felt a connection; so,
on to the next. I was young, sowing my wild oats. I would settle down in
time, find a great girl. In my second year, I met Ron. We became close and
I had never felt so comfortable and close to anyone like this before. One
night, we smoked a bit of pot. We were by ourselves and were horny. We
started off saying that we would just get ourselves off but suddenly his
hand was on me and mine on him. That seemed to be all that we needed. Soon
we were inseparable and I fell deeply for him and he for me. We kept it
very quiet. This was about 10 years ago and things have changed.  But
people are observant, connections were made. Questions were asked and he,
in particular, became quite scared about being outed. I began to think
about my chosen field of policing and visualized all the problems I could
have. The short story is that we fell apart and I ended with a very broken
heart and deep feeling a of loss. I swore that I would never be with a man
again. Until a few weeks ago, I kept any thoughts or desires deeply locked
away."

"Paul are you saying this is my fault?" He was smiling.

"Michel, the slow dance, we had at the pub, brought back all the feelings
and memories that had been locked away. I forced myself that night to
disengage physically and emotionally. This week, it has come flooding
back. I had lunch with a friend yesterday. He is only one around now who
knows the story. He asked a lot of questions and those questions and some
of the answers have been in my mind ever since." I paused. "I want to go to
a movie with you!"

That broke him up. He obviously remembered our last conversation. "You know
you could have just called and asked me to a movie."

"No that would be unfair. You have to know the screw up that you are going
to the movie with."

"Now, I can add my gallant, Paul. Can I do something that I have wanted to
do ever since we went to Ma's?" I shrugged yes

He got up came over, sat beside me and put his arms around me. He looked me
in the eye and kissed me, gently. Strangely it did not become a passionate
kiss but one of caring and comfort. We just sat holding each other and
taking comfort in our being together.

"What movie do you want to see." We looked in the paper and selected a well
reviewed foreign film. It was a great film and we both had different
interpretations of it. A great discussion followed. Back at Michel's place
we savoured yet another good single malt, one with lots of smoke and peat.

"You like your Scotch, bold and tasty. Same taste in partners?" Michel
asked saucily.

"I have never liked anything bland and tasteless. By the way, who is being
the diplomat now? Partners! Shouldn't that be men?"

"Just trying to ease into things, big guy."

"Why don't you come over here and see how we can ease into things."

"What a change a week has brought. I like the new Paul."

"I thought that you liked the old Paul." I paused to give him a questioning
smile. "I have wrestled with this a lot this week. Seen things in a
different perspective. I decided finally that I was in or I was out. Michel
I will not lead you on. I will be honest if I have any doubts or
problems. This is a big step and a major change in my life but it is not
new, just delayed."

Michel spoke with actions as he came over to me, put his arms out an pulled
me up and looked into my eyes. Then he kissed me for the second time today.
A different kiss. This one was passionate. And I responded in kind. A week
of indecision, probably more like 10 years, ended with that kiss. His chin
scraped across my skin. I could feel again a man's beard against my skin,
sense a man's smell; I was hard in an instant. Images of 10 years ago, a
young Ron but they quickly morphed into sophisticated, lean, handsome
Michel who was looking at me with questioning eyes.

"A few seconds of memory and then the memories changed to a better
reality. Michel I have resisted for weeks. Feel what my body and mind are
saying." I moved his hands to below my waist.

"A very nice statement." With a wonderful, ironic smile, "A big statement."

"Michel, I want to see the rest of the package without the trimmings." I
unbuttoned his shirt. I ran my hands over his face, kissed his neck and
used my fingers lightly over his chest and stomach. "I like a man with
hair. It always turned me on." He had my shirt off even faster.

"I like men's nipples and yours are perfect. I get to taste you for the
first time." First his tongue, then his mouth and finally his teeth,
lightly. I moaned and threw my head back in complete pleasure. "Someone is
very sensual. I suspected that might go with your wonderful personality."

"I am not passive but sometimes I like to follow the leader." I licked and
gently bit his nipples as I used my hands to stroke and lightly pull his
hair. He was almost whimpering after a few minutes of that action.

"Big guy, we can be just as creative and maybe more comfortable if we move
to my bedroom."

"Lead the way. I told you I sometimes like to follow the leader." I got an
extra pinch and slap on the ass for the little levity. "If you think that
is a punishment, then you really don't know me." It was wonderful; he
chuckled and said that it was nice that I could keep it light. He liked
that, he said. We were learning about each other. Ron had disappeared.

We undressed slowly, looking, observing the man opposite. Michel was the
same height as me. He was not quite as big but his chest and abs were well
developed and fitted his build perfectly. He had hair on his chest, not too
thick and it narrowed to a narrow band to his navel. His cock stood out
slightly upward. We were about the same size. I was a fraction longer and
he might be a fraction thicker. Well matched.

"Paul, just so that you know. I have been tested every three months for the
last year. I am clear. I am not suggesting or leading here just letting you
know."

"I haven't been tested for a while so let's go slowly. Probably the best to
start?"

"Paul, touch me." He looked down. "If and when the spirit moves you I love
the feel of tongue up the side. I haven't had sex for a little while so I
am not going to last. Just to let you know."

"I haven't felt like sex for a few weeks and I know I won't last long. By
the way the lack of sex is your fault. I haven't been turned on by women in
weeks."

As he kissed down my stomach and got closer to my genitals, he murmured,
"Then I guess it is my job to fix that." I felt his tongue gently on my
balls. After an exquisite tongue bath, he took each one in his mouth. The
feeling and the noises from him sounded as if he was savouring a great
delicacy. My cock expanded and throbbed. After minutes of that, he licked
up and down my shaft and finally stroked it with his hand. I felt as if my
body was going to collapse with pleasure and sensations. I finally stopped
him. He understood: I was too close.

I had him lie on the bed and I licked my way down to his navel. I used my
hands to gently caress his balls and took the tip of his cock using my
tongue to circle the head and then just around the base of the head. His
cries and moans of pleasure let me know that I was on the right track. I
finally took him as far down as I could, sucking and using my tongue until
he stopped me.

"Paul you are no novice."

"Never claimed to me. You are an advanced practitioner yourself, gentle
friend."

"Kneel with me, big guy. I know how I want to finish."

So we knelt on the bed facing each other. He started, and then I followed,
using our hands. We changed pressure, speed and distance up and down. But
then I realized why he chose this way. He leaned in and we started to
kiss. Kisses that were passionate, erotic and heightened all the pleasures
and sensations that our hands were giving. I could feel my orgasm coming
through my body. I held my body forward and he held my shaft, still and
tight for the first ejaculation and the second and then he allowed me to
set the rhythm for the remaining ones until I was too sensitive to be held
or touched. My hand had stopped while the incredible sensations had coursed
through my body. I started on him and a minute later I was kissing him as
he poured out his seed all over my legs. He actually bit my lip he was so
overcome with pleasure.

"Paul, I have called you many things. Now I can add an amazing lover. I am
so glad that you and Ron parted and that you were saved for me tonight.
This will go in my memory as an astonishing experience."

"Michel, you brought out all my latent feelings. Come lie with me." We lay
on the bed and our cum mixed and eventually dried on us. We talked, laughed
and finally decided that we needed a shower and food.

After eating, Michel finally asked me the question. "How do you feel,
Paul. Are you OK with this."

"Honestly," I paused, "Astonished, happy, energized and scared like hell. I
know what the world out there can be like even in this country where gay
marriage is legal anywhere you live. Let's take it a step at a time. As
much as I don't want to leave, I have an early meeting tomorrow and
everything is at my place. I'll phone tomorrow when I can." We kissed
gently at the door and I left with Michel staring after me.

Monday flashed by. I felt energized and attacked my jobs with a new
intensity. My boss commented that last week I seem subdued and that I must
have a really good weekend. He winked. If he only knew. Jan phoned and we
talked. She commented on how great I sounded and laughed when I turned down
supper at her place. You must have found someone really exciting this
weekend. I made a mental note to tone it down.

I phoned Michel and we agreed to meet at a pub near his house.

"Paul, you look refreshed and as if load has been lifted from your
shoulders."

"A load was certainly lifted. My shoulders? Not sure that is area of my
body." He just shook his head in mock disgust.

We had a quiet supper and simply chatted about the days events. This time,
mine were more interesting than his. I told him how we were following up
leads from our night at the pub. He touched my hand at the mention of that
night. I told him that I thought that we were getting close and I had been
out with a group circulating pictures of the drug dealer and his enforcer.
We had started to get some positive hits by locals.

"Paul, what are you plans for the week." I told him about my workout
schedule, racket ball schedule and an evening that I had to accept from
Jan. An eyebrow was raised. "Hot date?" It was said more in a questioning
way, with little negative tone. "I know that you have a life with friends
that you have to maintain. But that doesn't mean I'm not just a bit jealous
or protective rather." I told him not to worry. It was for supper only and
a chat. He continued. "I have concert tickets for Mahler's 2nd symphony and
I happen to have an extra ticket for Wednesday night. Be warned that I do
go with friends and you will obviously be with me. We can say this is
thanks for all the help with Ma and James."

"I'm free and really like Mahler. No pretences with your friends. We are
there as friends. No other comment is necessary."

"You are right, that is all we have to say. Keep it simple and easy.
Amongst other things, you are a genius. Paul, thanks. I admire your courage
and perceptiveness.  Are you busy tonight? If not, you are welcome for a
night cap at my place."

"Can I be bold?" He shrugged a why not. "I just happen to have a change of
clothing and shaving kit in my car." His eyes opened wide and his smile was
beaming.

"You devil. You must have been a boy scout."

"Yes I was. I was also tested today. Results back later this week."

"Wow, you said that you decided that you had to be in or out. You really
meant it." It was my turn to smile.

We walked out close to together just bumping shoulders. The street took on
a new look as we walked, chatting about the various shop windows and the
growth of the village. At some point, on his street, he held my hand until
we arrived at his house. The scotch was warming and the rest of the evening
was one in shared intimacy and learning about each other's sensuality.
Sleep came late and wake up seemed quite early. We kissed as we left for
work with words of anticipation for Wednesday night.

I had a great racquetball game with Tony from work. It was close and hard
but I just beat him. There were good natured insults about each other's
play.

Jan's meal was excellent. We had a great evening chatting and having fun.
Jan was as perceptive as ever. "You don't intend to have anything but
supper this evening, do you? Is she special? Or have you become a monk?"

"Jan, you have always been a great friend and I cannot thank you enough for
everything. Yes, there is someone and it is too early to talk about
it. Hope that is OK." She gave me a friendly parting kiss, chaste and a bit
regretful.

The squad gathered Wednesday morning to hear the latest updates. We had
someone in our sights and he was going to be arrested and brought in for
formal questioning. Tony piped up that it was about time that we had spent
enough time on this queer. Thank goodness that Mike, one of my friends on
the team, spoke up and told Tony to watch himself. The murdered man was a
victim and we had the moral obligation to treat him like anyone else. I
added that he died in my arms and nobody should die like that. I added that
his last thought were about his mother and a good friend; if Tony had seen
the fear and pain in his eyes he would never say such a thing. The room
went quiet and we filed out.

Tony came up to me. "You're a good man, Paul, sorry."

"Remember those words in the future. I can take your ass in squash anytime
I want." I got a punch in the arm but also a great laugh from Tony. "We"ll
see about that next Tuesday."

Wednesday night would have been unimaginable to me a month ago. I felt so
at ease. We met Michel's friends, Robert and Michael. We slipped into rapid
French to their great surprise. The conversation was witty and easy. At the
interval, we discussed the quality of the playing and the modern piece that
had been played. I liked sections of it but found it formless. Robert said
that was a good way of describing it. When asked what section of the Mahler
I was looking forward to, I just said the entire piece but I really like
the beginning of the 3 movement, it reminded me of running water and of
course the ending. I added that I was glad that they had added extra
players as the piece needed a large orchestra to bring out the fine
detail. I added I never got tired of hearing it. It was a great evening.

As I parked my car in front of his house, he said, "I think that you wowed
my friends. I can't imagine why." I grabbed him and kissed him
passionately. "OK, I take that back. Are you a good boy scout tonight as
well." I pointed to a small kit in the back of the car. "Are you taking me
for granted, big guy?"

"No, just hoping and anticipating what I would like."

"He kissed me back. I think there will be no Scotch tonight. I have other
plans."

"So, are you taking me for granted, sir?" He smiled and pulled me into the
house. "I'm clean by the way . I got my test results back late today."

I don't think I had anticipated this Michel, that night. He led me directly
into the bedroom and stripped me: 3 minutes maximum, from when we entered
the house. He raked his hands up and down my chest and then sat on the bed
and swallowed my cock almost to the bottom. Then he was licking the head
and then sucking like a vacuum with just the head in his mouth. I was
making little mewling noises. I ran hands through his hair and down his
back.

"Michel, you are like a mad man."

"You do that to me, big guy."

 I forced myself away and looked at him. He looked lost in a dream. My cock
was dripping wet and inflamed. I pushed him down and kneeled on the
floor. I gently licked his legs and raised his legs and licked just below
his balls and finally took each one in my mouth and played with them with
tongue and mouth. When I took his head in my mouth I could taste his
precum. I licked and sucked and finally I slowly let myself work his cock
as I took him inch by inch into my mouth. I remembered the technique as I
took his entire length into my throat. Michel was beyond speech; he was
moaning and making strange cries in his throat.

He motioned to me to turn around and put my knees beside his neck and
head. He took me all the way in. We mimicked each others actions. Slow
motions in and out turned into faster and more aggressive action until he
yelled that he was ready. That was all I needed as I increased the speed
and pressure. He was all the way in when his first spasm hit the back of my
throat. I let him set the rhythm as he sent pulse after pulse down my
throat or into my mouth. He had stopped sucking me but finally he started
again. It took very little time until I was crying out in pleasure as all
my nerves fired with bolts of electricity running through my groin and
brain.

When I turned and leaned down to kiss him, I could see my semen running
down the edge of his chin I licked that up and kissed him. We shared what
was in our mouths. The kiss was passionate and loving.

I woke up the next morning with Michel awake, looking at me as he lay on
his side with head propped up with hand and arm. "What?" I asked groggily.

"I just wanted to make sure that I hadn't just had a wonderful dream."

"Well, my bladder tells me that this is reality."

"What a way to break the spell." He smiled, grabbed my hand and led me to
the bathroom. We took care of reality together and then he kissed
me. "Paul, you mean so much to me."

"Sorry to be so unromantic earlier but .... Michel, last night was magical
and could have been a dream. It wasn't and I am so filled with joy. How
about supper tonight?"

"Would you like to join me and some friends at the pub for some food and
pool. We often play on Thursday nights."

"Are you sure that you want me to intrude?"

"Afraid that you might lose some money?"

"Put that way, you are on. Time and place, please."

I met the gang at 7 for supper and then was shown how pool was played. I
managed to win only one game; they were excellent. Lots of laughs and few
off colour jokes as to how close Michel and I were. They accepted me both
as a policeman and as Michel's friend. It was great. The evening was so
relaxed and normal that we left with my arm over Michel's shoulder.

Mike came up to late in the afternoon with a look that I couldn't decipher.

"Paul, we should talk."

"This sounds serious." He shrugged and nodded his head into a maybe. "How
about a beer. You name the place."

When we got to the pub down the street, he wasted no time with
preliminaries. "I heard something from a guy today and I thought that you
should know. Someone says they saw you coming out of one of the pubs in the
Village and you were with a guy. He says that you looked as if you were
pretty close."

"I guess one always knows that there will always be the moment of
truth. Mike, I'm in a relationship with that guy. I can also tell you that
it is not the only relationship that I have had. I had one for almost a
year, 10 years ago, with Ron, my University buddy. It's a long story. We
broke it off mutually but I ended up with a broken heart and deep sense of
loss. I swore that I would never be with a man again. I kept that vow until
the last couple of months. I have met someone who has touched me more
deeply than any woman that I have been within the last 10 years. I have
been with a lot of women."

"Paul, I am moved that you have confided in me." He paused with a
smile. "Finally!" He paused again. "It's OK, big guy I understand why you
would try to keep it under wraps. I'll do what I can to help."

"Strange, big guy, that's what Michel calls me sometimes. I won't do to you
what I do to him when he calls me that."

There was a look of recognition to the name Michel. "You choose well." Then
in mock shock, "You had better not do to me what you do him. I might like
it and then we would be in trouble." I almost doubled over laughing at his
words and the wonderful look on his face. "You are great guy and I shall
try to watch your back."

The next couple of weeks were quite hectic.  Michel and I were both busy at
work and had previous social engagements. We saw each other a lot on the
weekends and every other night during the week. We both had small kits at
each other's homes. Life fell into a wonderful comfortable rhythm. I would
sometimes sit at work and marvel about how unexpected my life had become.

Tony and I continued our squash and we were equal in wins and loses That
Tuesday he had won. By chance that night, I met Michel at the pub down the
street from headquarters. We had finished supper and Michel had challenged
me to a game of pool. We had just started when Tony and group of guys
walked in. I introduced Michel as a friend and finally Tony challenged me
to a game. I suggested that he play Michel. I sat the with the guys with a
beer and watched Michel gibizting with Tony. They were laughing and
joking. Michel won.

"Hey, if this had been for money I would have said this was a sting
operation. That hurt. I'm going to need a rematch." Tony laughed loudly as
he spoke.

"You name the time and date. Let's put some money on it. You were pretty
mouthy during the game. You put your money where your mouth is, my friend."
Tony gave Michel a tap on the arm for that outburst and both laughed.

"Yeah, you have to watch Michel. He takes you by surprise." I got a
wonderful look from Michel. Tony nodded yes.

We went to Ma's for dinner one night and had a wonderful time. After being
there for a while, Ma came up to me as we were moving in to eat.

"I am so pleased Paul. You are wonderful together and you deserve each
other. "

"Are we that obvious?" Ma indicated no. It was just that she knew Michel
well and just saw little things that no one else would notice.

"Take good care of him. James hurt him a lot but I don't think that you
will." I was touched more than I could have imagined.

I beat Tony on Tuesday morning. Little did I know what would happen later
in the day.

It was in the locker room late Tuesday afternoon, with Mike and few
others. Tony came in and stopped at the door. In his belligerent best, he
stammered, "Paul I just spoke to someone who said that they saw you coming
out of a gay pub and that they thought that you were queer?"

For a moment I just stood looking at him with a questioning face. I heard
Mike off in the distance. "Tony, I assume that is a direct question to
Paul. Frankly it is no one's business. You are talking to one of our best
officers."

Yeah, but...."

He was cut off by Mike. "There are no yeah buts with this issue. It is
nobodies business!"

I owed Mike big time but the issue had to dealt with. His intervention gave
me time to think and plan a strategy that had every chance of backfiring
badly. I interrupted. "Hello, I'm here. A big guy who usually takes care of
himself." I heard a few chuckles. "First off the word is gay, you WOP."
Tony bristled. "Don't like that term? Language means something, Tony." I
had moved to the table with chairs around it, sat down and put my right
elbow on the table with my arm sticking up. "Tony, humour me. Come on over
and sit opposite me." He moved and when he sat, I used my head to and arm
to motion him to copy me.

"What the hell are you getting at?" He asked a bit startled.

"Come on Tony, humour me." He did as I asked. I locked hands with him in an
arm wrestling hold. I applied pressure. He responded. We were locked in the
middle position; we each tried to get the other one down. I dimly heard
good natured catcalls and encouragements for both of us. I was tiring; he
was strong but I could see on his face the tension of strain. He was
tiring. I finally used all my strength fuelled by adrenaline and I slowly
forced his hand down to the table. We were both panting and red in the
face.

"Who am I, Tony?" He looked puzzled. I suggested he use my name

"Your Paul. What the hell?"

"Tony I beat you this morning at squash; you beat me last week. I just beat
you at arm wrestling. Is that because I am straight or I am gay? Tony it
doesn't matter. I am your friend who has worked with for years, played
squash with you. That is all that matters. I am the same guy who played
squash and had a great time with you this morning." I paused and looked
around the room. "Guys lets go for a beer. Tony, want a game of pool? We
could play teams and have some fun. I know someone who would like to play
you again." I looked at him and smiled. "I'll phone and see if he is
busy. Find a partner."

I phoned Michel. "Hi, where are you? Could you get free and meet me at the
pub. Its important, a little work matter."

"Your voice tells me its not small and that this is very important. A bit
of battle ground?"

"Observant."

"I shall meet you there in 15 minutes, with my guard up."

"Cannot thank you enough."

"I'll think of ways."

"Tony one last thing." He looked at me with a bit of a frown. "Please don't
use the Q word again. If you do, I shall be forced to give you the biggest,
fucking hardest ...." I paused as he started to bristle, "Kiss, that you
have ever had. I am told by many women that I am a fantastic kisser. One
kiss from me and you, will turn gay." Catcalls and laughter erupted around
the room. It was as good natured as I had hoped.

"Paul you are fucking pervert."

"That description, I like." We left in good spirits.

When Michel entered, he came over quietly and I introduced him to the guys
near me. I looked at Tony and he frowned and then the light of realization
hit. I could see the fuuuck form on his lips.

"Tony, you said you wanted a rematch; it's Michel and I against you and
who?"

"Mike."

"Let's go."

"Hey, gay boy." That was Tony. He actually said it very quietly just to
Michel.

"Hey, yourself, WOP." That was Michel, replying equally quietly. "Back for
more punishment?"

We ended up one game a piece. We got more beer and decided on a last game.
At one point, I deliberately missed a difficult shot and let Tony and Mike
win the round. We took a lot of abuse but it was male, friendly abuse. We
all had places to go and things to do and so the get together broke up.

Before he left I had to thank Mike. I told him that he had given me time to
think out a strategy. He paid me the ultimate compliment by saying that it
was brilliant and humane.

"You stood up under fire. I am impressed." He winked at me as he said,
"Have a good night. I think that you have some celebrating to do. I know
what Liz and I would do." We shook hands as I blushed furiously.

I narrated the whole story to Michel on the way back to his place. As we
entered his house, he paused, looked at me and said, "You are pumped,
aren't you? Wired tight. I can tell from your voice and movements. I think
that you have made a definite statement to yourself. Tonight is the night,
isn't it?" The way he said with the intonation, I knew what he meant.

"Will it be you or me?" I asked.

"It will be mutual, no matter how it goes."

This time, I grabbed him and kissed him as erotically as I could. My body
was almost humming with sexual energy. My hands ranged over his body and
then I had his shirt off. My tongue and mouth were everywhere, staying only
a moment and moving on. It was if I had to taste every inch of him.

"I need a shower and get totally cleaned. Want to join me?" I finally said.

"I thought so. I guess I need to get totally cleaned too?"

"Only if you want." His answer was to strip me and propel me to the shower.
It was one of the most erotic experience of my life. When we were clean, I
moved into the bedroom with him and stopped just as we got to the bed. I
paused to look at him. It was a sight I had come to relish but tonight he
seemed to shine. His eyes were bright and expectant. His body, perfection,
no woman could match in my eyes. I lay down beside him and started to
caress his face, then his chest. I knew how sensitive his nipples were so I
teased them with my mouth, lips, tongue and teeth. He was moaning when I
was finished. When he started on me I could only squeak my satisfaction. We
moved into a 69 and I felt him take the head of my cock with mouth and
tongue. As something I had never experienced, he very lightly let his teeth
just to graze the head. It was exquisite as every nerve fired. He then
sucked me and licked me until I thought that I could take no more.

Finally I looked at him and said, "Please Michel take me. I want to you to
join with me."

"I never thought that it would go this way. It would be my honour. Oh damn,
I have wanted this for so long, to be part of you. You must promise that
tonight or tomorrow, you will reciprocate.." I nodded yes. With that, he
got between my legs, lifted them and ran his tongue down behind my balls,
down, down until he was circling my hole with his tongue. For minutes he
licked, blew hot air, probed with his tongue until I thought I could have
no more pleasure without exploding.

He stood up and took out the lube and held up the condoms. I shook my head
no. He opened me in the most erotic way until there were three fingers in
me circling, probing, expanding and rubbing my prostate. I finally grabbed
the lube and put a large quantity on the most inflamed cock I had ever
seen; it was beautiful. He leaned over me, put himself at my entrance and
as he kissed me, he entered just his head and stopped. It had been a long
time but I knew the sensations that would follow. I relaxed as much as I
could. We kissed as I stroked his cock and his balls. He groaned.
Eventually, I used my hand to pull him slowly into me. It was inch by
magnificent inch. Crossing the prostate brought cries from me and when he
was finally in, I kissed him and pinched his nipples.

That set off a gentle thrusting. He varied the speed, slow at first which
was almost torture and then faster which was electrifying. My whole body
was alive. He stopped just at the opening and slowly rotated around with
very short thrusts. I cried out. It felt as if we had been going for
hours. I was lost in feelings and sensations. I put my hands on his ass and
managed to touch his hole and just got the tip of my finger in. Then I put
them down between us and used two fingers to gently rub his cock as thrust
in and out. He cried out his pleasure. I put a finger under the bottom of
his penis and let his motion massage the tube.

"Oh, Paul that has done it!" He went in all the way in. I felt him grow
slightly larger. I put just a little pressure on the tube and I could feel
the first pulse of semen pass by under my finger and the second. Then like
a wild man he started to thrust in and out in time with his contractions as
he continued pulsing into me. Our kisses were like men possessed. I started
to fist myself, holding him in me with my other hand. In one minute, my
orgasm hit and the first volley hit my chest. It was truly electrifying as
the contractions were pain and pleasure. When the last little spasm passed
I was covered and Michel simply lay on top of me and we kissed.

We fell asleep with me behind him. We woke up early the next morning almost
glued together. I refused a shower even after he told me that I was mess. I
was rock hard and so was he. I needed more.

"Big guy, time to keep your promise." It was strange that there were not a
lot of preliminaries. I was quickly opening him up and he was very quickly
putting lube on me. When my head went in, I felt the wonderful heat and
tightness of a man. I actually leaned down and licked some of the dry semen
on his chest as I bit his nipples and then kissed him as I slowly went all
the way in. We rutted like deranged men. Our language was almost
unintelligible. When I finally went over the edge, I cried out. I shuddered
as each volley fired into him. He in turn came as I finished my
extraordinary convulsions. No words were spoken. There was nothing to said
about the amazing experience. I did finally lean down and licked up some of
his semen and kissed him. It was if we were closing a deal. We both looked
dazed.

Mike took one look at me, winked and smiled. "I see you took my advice."

"Yes!" The blush was not far behind. "You have been a real friend. Not
every one can take the new me as you have."

It was at that point that my boss came and said that he wanted to see me in
his office. I should have been worried but I was still on a high from the
morning and the last kiss with Michel as we left for work.

"Paul, hear there was a little commotion yesterday."

"Nothing really boss. It was sorted."

"I know. I passed by the room and heard it. I decided not to show
myself. Paul, I want you on course and to apply for promotion. Few men
could handle that situation as you did." I tried to interrupt.  "No, don't
say a thing. I got the drift. I don't care what the answer is to Tony's
question. You are a damn fine officer and have shown leadership all through
the years, yesterday just exemplified your talents. Have you got my
message?"

"Yes, sir. All of it and I shall try my best to live up to it."

Over the next weeks and months, I often reflected sadly that a man's murder
had brought such changes in my life. I had spent 10 years, not totally
unenjoyable, but years, that, it turned out were repressed. I realized now
that I could not really make a true commitment.  I gave thanks that I had
not made a commitment to a woman who I could never give my whole self
to. My career has slowly progressed and expanded. I often thanked Michel
for treading softly and making me work out my own fears and self
deception. It is amazing how much chance can play in our lives. It made me
realize that there would be twists and turns still waiting for me. I knew
that I was committed to living each day thankful for what I had at that
moment. We have Michel's friends and mine. Mike and Liz have become
close. Even Tony and Antonia have invited us to their home. I attend all
his son's soccer matches. A lot to be thankful for. My greatest gift is, of
course, Michel. My life with Michel is still growing. Yes, we have our
stale periods, everyone does but he still excites me, seduces me and just
interests me. We still have of lots operas, great music, vernissages and
pool games to look forward to. Well and other things too. I often raise my
glass or mug of beer to life and sheer chance. At least, I took the chances
that sheer chance brought me.

Author's Notes                      preecherdave@gmail.com

As is obvious, I am not knowledgeable about police procedure but I use some
to advance the plot.

If you liked the story and have not read my other stories, they are listed
below.

Surprising Last Year at University, Nifty, College, June 9, 2011
Friendship, Nifty, Adult Friends, May 20, 2011
Unexpected Change, Nifty, College, April 16, 2011