Date: Wed, 20 Dec 2006 11:46:09 -0800 (PST)
From: brittany martinez <you_r_always_in_my_heart_rmw@yahoo.com>
Subject: No one Knows The Real Me ch.5

A/N-- Hey y'all. I know this chapter literally took forever but hey!
It's here now! Thank you all who have joined my group and please feel
free to leave me feedback, positive or negative. The more feedback the
quicker the updates! I love you all! Now, on to the story. ~


No One Knows the Real Me
Chapter Five


I lean up against the dresser watching as Ryan leaves, not really sure if
he heard my last comment or not. But I could honestly care less right
now. I feel betrayed even though I know I shouldn't. It was just a
kiss... nothing big. I guess I was just confused by the signals he was
sending me... or maybe he was sending me the wrong signals who knows?


I lay down on my bed, my face buried in the pillow. Right now all I want
to do is cry. The one person in this world who I knew for a fact would
never betray me or do anything behind my back turned out to be engaged.
My heart feels like someone just tore it out, ripped it in two and
stepped all over it. Am I taking this all too far? I mean.... It's been
two years and Ryan is a very good looking guy. I guess it was only a
matter of time before he found someone else. I hear a knock on the door
but I don't even know if I can move right now let alone walk across the
room to answer it.  "W-who is it?" I ask wiping away the tears that had
just begun to form at the rims of my eyes as I force myself to sit up.

Silence.

I roll my eyes. Great, now I have to get up. I stand up and walk over to
the front door, take a deep breath and answer it. Leaning against the
door frame is no other than Ryan ^Ö Great. I really do not need this.
"What do you want?" I ask only opening the door enough so I can easily
slam it shut if I need to.

He takes a deep breath and looks into my eyes. " I- I know you're mad
okay?"

"Mad doesn't even begin to describe it, but go on." I snap.

He looks hurt by my comment. "I'm sorry Nikki; you know I would never
intentionally hurt you." He stares down at his shoes like he's trying
to come up with an excuse and he's going to find it there. "I know I
should have told you but I didn't. I just.... I figured you didn't feel
the same about me anymore since you just left so I was trying to move on.
You can't hate me for trying to do that."

"I beg to differ on that one." I say cutting him off.

He looks at me again, his eyes dark with regret. "Listen to me Nik, I
just finally got you back in my life what- a few hours ago and we're
already fighting. I don't want that. Can you please forgive me? I'll do
anything... I just.... I don't want to lose you again."

I can't help but to feel bad for getting mad at him. I let out a heavy
sigh and reach for his arm. "I'm sorry." I say softly under my breath.
"I blew this all out of proportion."

"So you forgive me then?" he asks standing straight.

I think about it for a moment, I guess I should forgive him. I was
blowing it out of proportion. He had a point, he was just moving on....
But where does that leave me? "Do you love her?" I ask softly staring
down at the ground.

"Who?" Ryan asks, I can feel his gaze on me. "Oh... Carly..."

Carly? I'm guessing that's his fiancé's name. "Yeah... Carly. Do you
love her?"

There was a long pause before Ryan placed his hand over mine and opened
the door. "Yeah, I love her." He answered as he gently tucked his index
finger underneath my chin and made me look into his eyes. "But not as
much as I love you."

I felt my heart melt when he said that... That meant Ryan still loved me.
I looked up into his eyes, not really sure what to say. I slowly close my
eyes and as I do, I feel his warm lips on mine.

Suddenly I hear a loud ringing, I force my eyes open but I'm no longer
standing in the doorway of my apartment. I'm lying in a bed, somewhere I
don't really recognize. I sit up and look around; I know for sure I'm
no where near my apartment complex. The room is small, but the way the
furniture is set up it gives it that cozy, home feeling. I stand up and
walk over to the bedroom and door, nervously opening it. In the kitchen I
see Ryan leaning over the counter drinking coffee and reading the news
paper. He looks up and sees me standing in the door way.

"Morning Nik." He says setting the cup down and walking over to me.
"How'd you sleep?"

I dodge the question. "How'd I get here?" I ask rubbing my eyes, still
half a sleep.

"I brought you here last night, we were talking and you just kind of...
passed out." He answered studying me.

"Oh... um...w-where's Carly?" I ask leaning against the wall. My head
hurts really badly which makes no sense since I hadn't been drinking
last night. I look at Ryan and he's looking at me curiously.

"Who's Carly?"

Wait what? Who's Carly... "Your fiancé." I answer putting my hands in
the pockets of my jeans.

"Fiancé?" Ryan says as he starts walking back towards the kitchen.
"Nikki, I'm not engaged. It must have been in your dream or
something."

Dream... was it really just a dream? Oh my god I feel like such a loser
now. "Oh." I answer as I follow him into the kitchen.

"Are you alright?" he asks me as I lean against the counter.

"What? Oh, yeah... I'll be fine." I say trying to make all this clear
to me since my head is really foggy.

I look at him and just now notice that all he's wearing are a pair of
black sweats, his smooth, perfectly toned chest is exposed. I lean
against the counter more trying to concentrate on not staring at him but
I can't really help it. Ryan has a fucking awesome body. He catches me
staring and smiles. I blush a color that's more redder than a tomato
which only makes him smile more.

"Nikki." He whispers softly taking my hand into his and looking deep
into my eyes.

"Hm?"

"I'm so glad I found you... I'm going to help you okay?"

I take a deep breath and stare at him for a few moments. It's been such
a long time since someone has actually wanted to help me without wanting
something back in return. I look at him and nod my head.

He smiles again. "Come here." He says holding out his right hand. I
give him my hand and he pulls me close to him. My head is spinning so
fast with all these thoughts. I can't get myself to stop thinking... And
I'm like thinking about every little thing right now. How close he is to
me, all the bad stuff that's happened in my life, school, my brother, my
dad, how much I want to kiss him, what I want to do with my life. All
these things are raising through my head all at the same time. But the
next thing I know he's kissing me, his lips on mine, his arms wrapped
around my waist and my mind simply goes blank. The only thing I can think
about is him and this kiss.

I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him back. My hands slowly sliding
down his arms to rest on his forearms as he presses me up against the
counter, kissing me longer and hard. My heart is racing as those hands of
his begin to move all over me. I don't want this moment to end... And I
pray that it'll keep on going and last forever but a part of me knows
that can never happen... Eventually the moment has to end.

Well... That's all for now. I know you all probably hate me for ending it
when everything is just now heating up but hey, it's not my fault I like
ending things with cliffhangers lol. Please e-mail me comments on the
story or just to say hi at you_r_always_in_my_heart_rmw@yahoo.com

Here are a few ways to get to me. (sounds wrong lol)

Myspace link- http://www.myspace.com/4everinmyheart66
Group link- http://groups.yahoo.com/group/prisoneroffate/


When The People We Love Are Taken From Us, The Way To Have Them Live On
Is To Never Stop Loving Them... Buildings Burn, People Die... But Real
Love Is Forever... -The Crow