Date: Sat, 19 Jan 2002 12:29:51 +1100
From: James Raen <raen_j@hotmail.com>
Subject: Only When I Sleep  Chapter 5

Pachabel's Canon played softly behind them, they were on a cliff, a
beautiful sunset with the blue water crashing on the rocks below them.

The minister spoke, "Do you take this man to your heart, forever loyal &
loved by you for eternity?"

"I do." Patrick said softly.

"You may now kiss," The minister said with an air of finality.

The couple turned around to face their congregation. Josh finally saw who
the two grooms were...The couple was Sebastian & Patrick.

Josh woke with a start. He was sweaty all over. His heart was racing a
million miles an hour. He looked at the spunk of a man lying next to him.
Gorgeous when he's sleeping, in fact gorgeous all the time. Josh looked over
at the table. It was 5:09 in the morning. Thank god it was Saturday.

He snuck out of bed, trying to decide what to do. Should he stay or should
he go? He was not sure. He felt a queasiness envelope him. He felt panicky
about his dream. He thought he should go and talk to Sarah, she would know
what to do...

He decided to leave, it was probably better anyway. He quickly dressed and
scribbled a note on the notepad, tore it off and left it on the pillow. He
reached down and kissed Patrick on the head. He was a sleeping angel.

He opened Patrick's front door and closed it behind him. He ran. He ran all
the way back to his house, by the time he got there he was panting very
heavily and he had chest pains. He burst past the baffled security guards
and sprinted into the nearest lift. He slammed the button for the 16th
floor.

When he arrived in his panting he collapsed on the floor. Literally crawling
across the floor into the kitchen. He had many drinks of water before
muttering to himself, "I've got to give up smoking..."

He looked at the answering machine, there were four messages...

"Joshie? It's mother. Just confirming that you're coming to your Aunt's for
Christmas Lunch. I know you don't get along with them very well but Darling
please put it aside for Jesus' birthday. Talk to you later Darling Ciao!"

Josh was not happy. He hated his cousins and they hated him. They'd hated
him ever since he came out to them. They gave him a very hard time. But on
the bright side, his sister might be there. That would be nice, he hadn't
seen her in ages.

"J? It's Sare. Just ringing to ask how things are with Patrick. Also, Dad is
fine false alarm. His lung's didn't collapse it was a peanut or something.
Call me later!"

"Josh, its Patrick. Just um...calling you to say that I can't wait to see you
again tonight. OK. See `ya soon." It was the previous night's message. Josh
couldn't help but think he'd done the wrong thing.

"Joshie?! It's Seb. I was..." Josh almost collapsed...again. He went pale, "Not
now you bastard." He said to the answering machine.

"...just ringing to see if you want to um...do something with me later. Call me.
I'm sorry for everything I did to you. Leaving you was the worst mistake of
my life. I'll talk to you soon..."

Josh felt numb. He lifted the phone and dialled Sarah's number. He spilled
the events of the past 72 hours.

"That bastard!" She exclaimed harshly.

He told her about the dream. Sarah translated that it meant that Josh was
afraid that Patrick and Sebastian were similar, like one person. That over
time Patrick would do what Sebastian did, leave him.

"But it felt like a warning." Josh retorted.

"Josh trust me. Patrick is nothing like Sebastian. Seb was a creep from day
one."

Josh wanted to believe her so badly but he felt odd. They said their
goodbyes and hung up.

Josh sat on the end of the bed and sob. He was really confused. Should he
stay with Patrick or go back to Sebastian? He needed to think. He needed to
get out and clear his mind of the thoughts of romance, how much there was
from Patrick and how little there was from Sebastian.

He walked and walked until he realised that he had crossed the city and was
headed into Suburbia. He was surprised it hadn't felt like he'd been walking
that long.

Since he was close, he decided to visit Pete & Eve. They'd been married for
two years; they got married at the same time Sebastian and Josh ended their
relationship. He was getting tired so he caught a taxi the rest of the way
to their house. He looked at his watch; it was 1:00. He'd walked the entire
morning off.

He knocked on the door and entered. He greeted them and walked sullenly into
their Lounge Room. He sat down and told them everything that had happened.

"Stay with Patrick." They both said.

"How are the twins?" Josh asked Eve.

"Well I feel like a house. Everything hurts and I am due in two weeks give
or take a couple of days. Back to you & Patrick, stay with him!" She said.

"OK." Josh said grateful for their assistance.

"You want a lift back to your place?" She asked

"No it's cool. I'll just walk back." He said. He bid them goodbye and
started walking back to his home. He got out his phone and called Sebastian.

"Hey. Its Josh."

"Joshie? It's great to hear your voice." Sebastian said sluttishly.

"Don't call me that. You're pathetic. What happened? Did your line of tricks
run out?" Josh asked cynically.

"I'm sorry..."

"No you're not. Anyway, I called to tell you that I'm seeing someone so I
would appreciate it if you left me alone." Josh said firmly.

"Oh Patrick?" Sebastian asked

"How did you..."

"Oh Joshie." Sebastian stated condescendingly.

"You should change your answering machine code." Sebastian said smugly

"You should have recognised his smell," Sebastian added cruelly.

Then Josh understood. The aftershave, it was the same. Oh Shit.

Josh threw his phone on the pavement as the cars whipped past him. The phone
scattered into a million pieces. He bent down to find the SIM card. It
wasn't damaged. He pocketed it and started to run.

He ran. He was a person that ran when they were upset/confused and walked
when thinking. At the moment he was sprinting. He ran. Ran. Ran.

He then, out of breath walked back to his empty apartment. Everything had
been so perfect. He was so angry.

"Look what happened?! I'm in love for a day and then my heart gets broken.
Never fall in love." Josh said loudly to himself. He'd been hurt by love
again. By Seb again. That Dream meant more that Sarah had said.

"What the fuck do I do now?" He asked himself. Confused he threw himself
onto his bed. The tears came over and over...


To be continued??

Constructive Criticism is most welcome, as are e-mails of encouragement.
Flames however, will most certainly be ignored.

Coments or Questions to raen_j@hotmail.com

Copyright 2002 by J Raen