Date: Fri, 19 Dec 2014 11:35:07 +0000
From: Alain Mahy <amahy1957@gmail.com>
Subject: Our Doctor 4

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Weeks, months and years went by.  Jeremy and I were happy together.  Doc
didn't make it with Edward.  They were good friends now, and sometimes even
with benefits, but they were not an item.  Peter was often over at our
place, just as a lot of our other friends.

With time Jeremy and I had built our relationship on trust and respect for
each other.  We had a very good communication and were able to talk about
any and everything.  It was good to have my best friend as a lover and
husband.  That's what I had always craved.

Professionally, we were both at the very peak of our careers.  Jeremy had
just been promoted and was now a full associate in the firm he was working
for.  For me, I had been awarded as the best sales man 4 years in a row.
As I worked on commission, my income was really nice and we could afford
quite a few things we had not even dreamed of when we got together.  We
wanted, at last, buy a house together and we didn't even have to get a
mortgage!  The only thing that was preventing me to buy the house yet was
that I needed a new car, desperately.  Jeremy had a company car, and
nothing less than a Mercedes, thanks to his promotion.  I teased him quite
a lot saying it was an old man's car, but when I saw it, I had to admit he
had made a fabulous choice as it was a coupˇ model with all the possible
extra's available.  He had chosen a discreet metallic blue color with
matching leather interior.  My beaten up Honda of more than twelve years
old looked really miserable next to his in our driveway.  I put it up for
sale for a ridiculous price so that any young guy or student could afford
it.  The engine was in perfect condition as I took care of the car and
entered it to service on time.

One evening, as we were watching television, the doorbell rang and I went
to open the door.  A young girl was standing nervously at the door,
apologizing profusely for disturbing that late at night (it was only 8:30
pm) but she had seen the sign on the car and was curious if she could
afford it and, if she could, she would like to have a little test drive.  I
told her the price and she almost started a happy dance as it was even less
of her budget.  I took the keys and told her to go for a test drive.  She
came back about half an hour later and had a big smile on her face.

- I want it, I want it! she yelled and couldn't stay still because she was
so excited.

We went into the house and signed the necessary papers and she hold out the
amount of money I wanted in cash.  She had come prepared!  In less than an
hour she left the house in what she thought was the best car ever.  She
wasn't completely wrong.  But that left me without a car.  As it was a
Friday night, Jeremy suggested we would go car shopping in the morning, as
we had no other plans.  I agreed and went on the Internet to see what was
available and what I could afford.  In fact, with the results of the last
months at my job, I could afford almost anything I wanted.  While surfing
the net, Jeremy came to sit next to me and made a few suggestions and
brought in his input as he had been through the whole process himself just
a few months earlier.  As I was concentrated on my search, I didn't even
realize that at one point, Jeremy was not at my side anymore and had
probably gone to bed, as I didn't see him in the living room or the
kitchen.  I felt guilty about leaving him out.  I went to the bedroom and,
indeed, I heard him snore lightly.  I went back to the living room and
switched out the lights and shut down the computer.  My mind was almost
made up about the car I wanted.  As I slipped in between the sheets, Jeremy
automatically turned over and spooned me, putting his arm over my chest.
That was the way we went to sleep for several years now.

When I woke up the following morning, I immediately noticed there was
something wrong.  Jeremy was still spooned against my back, but he felt
awfully cold.  I was awake in no time and turned to him.  He didn't move.
I took his face in my hands to kiss him, but his skin had not his usual
warmth.  I shook him lightly to wake him up, but he didn't react.  I
suddenly got in a complete panic state.  I grabbed my phone and dialed
Doc's number.  He answered almost on the first ring and greeted me in his
usual way:

- Hello Gorgeous!

I started to babble and realized I had to concentrate if I wanted to get
any sensible sentence out of my mouth, but I couldn't.  Doc immediately
realized there was something terribly wrong and said he was on his way.

Less than ten minutes later I heard the doorbell and Doc came in.  He
looked at me and didn't have to ask anything.  He instinctively ran up the
stairs and went directly to our bedroom.  I didn't have the courage to get
up the stairs again as I suspected the final outcome.  I heard Doc speaking
on his mobile phone and then he came down the stairs.  He had a very
serious look on his face, something I almost saw with him, except in his
practice.  He came over to me and took him in my arms.  I didn't ask
anything because I was afraid to receive the confirmation of my suspicion.

- What happened? he asked, whispering in my ears.

I tried to talk but before I could actually tell him nothing had happened,
I fainted in his arms.

When I woke up, I was in a hospital bed.  Doc was sitting next to me and as
soon as he sensed that I moved, he stood up and looked in my face.

-Hello Gorgeous, you are finally with us again!

I had no idea at all about what had happened and was surprised to see doc
and not Jeremy.  I looked at Doc and asked him about my lover.

- Tell me, what is the last thing you remember? Doc asked.

I did a big effort to scan my memory, but couldn't recall a thing.  I just
asked Doc how long I had been here in hospital and was stunned when he said
it was almost three weeks.  My eyes must have grown as big as saucers as he
told me that, and then I asked him what happened.

- Do you remember me coming to your house? He asked.

- No, I answered.

- Do you remember calling me? He then asked.

- No, I answered truthfully.

He then went through a number of questions to check on my neurological
state.  Questions such as what year we were in, what my address was and
what car I was driving...

At that question I remembered the girl coming to the house and buying my
beat up Honda.  I smiled at him and told him I had succeeded in selling it
and that I was surfing the net for a new one.  And then ...

Everything came back to me in bulk.  I was almost afraid to ask the
question, but I had to.

- Jeremy?

Doc took my hands in his and looked me in the eyes with a very sad look.

- He's gone Frank.

I knew he was going to say that, but nonetheless it came as a shock.  Doc
was talking to me, but the words didn't come through completely.  I heard
something that was like "brain stroke" and a little later something like
"better for him" and I saw a single tear going down his cheek.  He squeezed
my hand and tried to catch my attention, but I felt nauseous.  I wanted to
throw up, but I couldn't.  I suddenly felt like I had to get up and leave
this hospital, but as soon as my feet touched the ground, I went through my
knees.  My legs couldn't support my weight.  Doc helped me back in bed and
told me that three weeks of unconsciousness and not moving, had affected my
muscle activity.  I had to have a lot of help to get back to my feet.

I started sobbing and crying and soon felt a syringe in my upper arm.
Before long I saw only darkness.

The next time I opened my eyes, Doc was not there, but Peter was.  He was
actually holding my hand and watched me very closely.  He had a smile on
his face, but it was a sad one.  He greeted me and I was surprised to hear
my own voice answering him.  The previous conversation with Doc came back
to my mind and once again a silent tear found its way from my eyes to the
corner of my lips.

I tried to collect my thoughts.  It was not easy at all, but I had to do
it.

- I know Doc told me a lot of things, but I can't remember it clearly, I
said.  Can you bring me up-to-date?

Peter nodded and started to tell me everything that had happened on the
terrible Saturday morning.  Peter tried to be as gentle as possible, taking
a lot of care in his choice of words and his tone of voice.  With a lot of
tender care he told me Jeremy had suffered a massive brain stroke for which
there was no real explanation.  Jeremy was a healthy man and took great
care of his nutrition, doing a lot of sports.  It seemed that a brain
stroke was something that could not been predicted.  When Doc took me in
his arms I fainted and went straight into a coma.  For that either there
was an explanation.  I was in that state for three weeks.  Meanwhile they
had had Jeremy's funeral.  It had been a very simple and intimate ceremony
where most of our friends were present.  Jeremy was not a religious man and
the ceremony was a little bit out of the regular services.  Next to his
coffin there was a picture of him and a microphone.  Whoever wanted to say
a few words, had the opportunity to get up, come up front and say what was
on their heart.  There were a lot of very emotional testimonies, but also
very light ones, remembering the joyful guy Jeremy had been.  Peter
mentioned that there was a videotape of the ceremony and that whenever I
was ready, I could watch it.

The following week, Jeremy's company had come to collect his car.  As the
lease on the house was on Jeremy's name, the owner had come to say that the
house had to be empty the following week.  Doc had taken the responsibility
to take over the lease so that I could go back there if I wanted.  Nobody
could tell at that time how long I would be totally out.

Peter and I were crying a lot while he told me all that had happened during
those three weeks.  We didn't lose our grip on each other's hands.  Peter
went on and on as he had been, together with Doc, the person to settle
whatever there was to settle.  I was very grateful for everything they had
done.  Just as peter finished related everything, Doc arrived.  He looked
at me and in a professional way looked at my chart and then checked my
vitals.  He seemed satisfied with the results and told me that the
following day I would start to work with a physiotherapist to get my
muscles back in working order.  He also told me to take my time.  He had
called my boss and told him what had happened.  Apparently my boss had been
very understanding and told Doc to tell me I could take my time to get over
the whole situation.

I didn't know how to react and the pain I felt was terrific.  I wanted to
explain it to Peter and Doc, but was totally incapable.  The pain was not
in a particular part of my body, and at the same time it was everywhere.  I
couldn't believe that my beloved friend, my lover, my husband was gone.  I
could not imagine that I would never see him again, that I would never be
able to touch him or feel him.  I wanted to trade places with him so he
could live.  I wanted to join him wherever he was.  I knew it was
impossible and it was probably that that hurt the most.

Peter and Doc were absolutely the best friends I could ever dream of.  They
came by every single day and kept me company and even tried to cheer me up,
but failed miserably.  Nonetheless, they encouraged me to work with the
physiotherapist so that I could be on my feet again and get out of the
claustrophobic room I was in.  I was not really animated to do a lot of
efforts, but I saw the importance of getting back on my feet.  It was Peter
who one day got angry with me and almost shouted at me:

Do you think Jeremy would be proud if he saw you like that?  Do you think
that is what he saw in you?  It is time for you to react and to live up to
his expectations although he is not here anymore.  He would want you to go
on living and show the world who you are.  I can understand you are
grieving, but it is not laying in a bed that things will get better!

He had been quite harsh with his words, but I knew it was for my own good.
Bringing Jeremy's memory into the conversation made me react almost
immediately and the physiotherapist was surprised with my will to get on my
feet the next morning.  It took me less than a week to be able to walk on
my own and before I even realized it, the doctors released me from
hospital.  Doc and Peter were both concerned with me wanting to go back to
our house.  Peter took some leave from his work and stayed with me.  The
day I could leave the hospital he came to get me and asked me several times
if I was sure I wanted to go back to Jeremy's and my place.  I assured him
that I didn't want to be anywhere else.  I saw he was reluctant to give in,
but he did.

When we reached the house, it felt strange to see no cars on the driveway.
When we got into the house I was surprised to see everything was clean and
tidy.  Everything was the same as when I involuntarily left.  On the table
in front of the sofa in the living room there was a picture of Jeremy and
me that had been taken during our last holidays.  All the other pictures
had disappeared.  I could also see that most of Jeremy's things had been
removed.  I ran upstairs to our bedroom and looked in the closet to see
most of Jeremy's clothes had been removed as well.  Peter followed me very
close but didn't say a word.  I guessed this was his work.  He did it with
the best of intentions, but I so wanted to touch Jeremy's clothes and smell
his fragrance.  Despite of that I was grateful they had done what they did.
They didn't want me to forget Jeremy, and that was why they had left the
picture on the table in the living room.

I knew life had to go on.  Jeremy was gone, yes, but I was still here.  I
knew the coming weeks and months would be hard, but I wanted to live up to
what I thought Jeremy would have liked.  I had never given much importance
to what other's thought about me, but Jeremy's opinion was my number one
priority.  I knew I would love him till my last breath, but I could not
honor him letting the pain and the grief take over my life.

Peter was absolutely wonderful during the time after my getting home.  Most
of the time he stayed over and was using the guest-room while I refused to
sleep anywhere else than in our bedroom.  He and Doc were doing everything
they could to get me back to a normal life.  About three months after
Jeremy's death, I even started to work again.  In the beginning it was very
hard and difficult to concentrate on business, but my boss was very patient
with me and slowly, but surely, I could get back to my old self and show
clear results of positive thinking.

On one Saturday morning I asked Peter to go with me to do what Jeremy and I
had planned to do.  We went car shopping.  I thought of buying exactly the
same car Jeremy had, but I knew it was not a good idea.  I would constantly
be reminded of the pain his leaving had given me.  I went for my first
choice that I made the night before Jeremy went away.  It was not even one
o'clock in the afternoon when I left the BMW dealership in a brand new 428i
convertible.  For the first time in months, Peter could see a genuine smile
on my face.  I thought that if destiny had taken Jeremy out of my life, I
would have to bring some little joys back.  Buying the BMW was one of them.
We drove back to the house and as Peter got out of his car, I told him to
get into mine.  I pushed the button to take the top off and we were soon on
the road.  I had no particular destination.  I just wanted to drive and
enjoy the freedom a convertible gives you.  I had taken a few CD's before
leaving the house and it was absolutely great to hear nice music while
driving along the coast.  Peter seemed to enjoy it as well and some of the
songs that were playing, we sang along full lungs.  If people saw us
driving by they would probably have thought we were just nuts!  After a few
drives in all directions I told Peter we had to go and fetch Doc.  I turned
the car around and drove towards his practice, as I knew at this hour he
was about to finish.  WE just reached his place as he came out.

- Wow!!!  That's a nice toy you got yourself Frank!

- Just jump in and we'll go for a drive, I answered,

Doc didn't need a formal invitation to this.  He just jumped in and we were
on the road again.  The weather was perfect for such a drive and once again
we just went to where Destiny as leading us.  We ended up in a secluded
spot where Jeremy and I had been several times.  Most of those times we had
left the car and gone down a little path that brought us to an almost
hidden spot and yes, we had had sex there, more than once.  I stopped the
car and told Peter and Doc where we were.  They both suddenly had a
concerned look on their face, but I assured them I was all right.  I told
them about the little path that was hidden from view and where it led.

- Come on guys, let's go down.  You'll see the views are absolutely
incredible!

E walked down the path, pushing some branches and bushes aside, which
indicated the path was not used frequently.  I knew it was about a fifteen
minutes walk as I had gone down that path quite a few times with Jeremy.
Suddenly I heard a voice saying "You are doing the right thing, Frank" and
I turned around to look at Doc and Peter and asked who had said that.  They
both looked stunned at me, saying they had not uttered a word.  I swore I
had clearly heard the words, but they both denied firmly that they had said
anything.  They looked at me as if they were thinking I was going mad.  We
resumed our walking and reached the spot I wanted to show them.  There, in
front of us was a magnificent view of the bay and the ocean.  We were
surrounded by luxurious nature with plants and bushes and flowers.  The sun
was warm and a fresh breeze was blowing softly.  Again I heard a voice
saying "Yes baby, this is the perfect spot!" and once again I looked at my
two friends who were totally oblivious to me and watching the scenery in
front of them.  This time I didn't say anything but prayed silently that
the voice I heard would be that of Jeremy.

I wanted that connection with him.  I had talked to him in silence so often
and seen him in my dreams.  I just felt so lonely although my best friends
were with me.  I was standing in between Peter and Doc and my arms wrapped
themselves around their waists.  Automatically they both put an arm on my
shoulder and we continued enjoying the scenery.  For the third time I heard
the voice saying "I am watching over you guys.  Enjoy life to the fullest".
This time as well as Doc as Peter jerked their heads towards me and I
realized they had heard the voice, too.  There was a dumbstruck expression
on both their faces but I only smiled.  I was now sure it was Jeremy who
had been talking to us.  Doc was the first to ask if we had heard it and we
both said yes.

I guess it is Jeremy who is telling us we are in the best company possible,
I said.

The other two had a bit of a problem believing my words but after a little
time they saw it made sense.  In a split second we all three had a big
smile on our faces and unconsciously we looked upwards to the sky as if
Jeremy would appear.  Of course he didn't but it was worth a try.  We then
stared in each other's eyes and I felt an inner peace that I had not felt
since I woke up out of my coma.  I felt my muscles relax and a general
feeling of well-being run through my veins.  I squeezed my both friends
closer to me and we ended up in a group hug.  I could actually feel
positive vibrations emanating from both of them and as I looked up at them
it was first Peter's lips that brushed mine, ever so softly and tender.  I
then turned towards Doc and brushed his lips as well.  And last, but not
least, Doc and Peter kissed tenderly in front of my eyes.  I joined them
and we soon were locked in a three-way kiss.  What started as something
tender and soft soon turned to a passionate and eager kiss.  Our hands had
minds of their own and travelled over our bodies.  I needed more and feel
more close to my friends so I took off my T-shirt over my head and
immediately felt hands on my bare skin.  Doc and Peter soon followed my
example and stripped.  We were still locked in that three-way embrace but
enjoying the direct closeness of skin-to-skin contact.

For the fourth time in the last hour I heard the voice say "Yessssssssssss"
and we all looked up at the sky again for a split second.  After that we
looked at each other and smiled.  It was as if Jeremy had just given us the
pin-code to our inner lusts.  We resumed our kissing and caressing.  As far
as we could reach, our hands touched every square inch of skin.  The
kissing was passionate and the grabbing and groping got a bit rougher.  The
sexual energy was kicking in and the horniness was building up.  I soon
unfastened Peter's belt and opened the top button of his jeans.  Feeling
what I was doing he quickly started to o the same to Doc, who, in turn,
loosened my pants as well.  All three trousers fell at our ankles at the
same time and we kicked off our shoes and stepped out of them.  We were
standing there, all three naked except for our underwear.  All three briefs
were tenting obscenely and showing wet spots were the head of cock was
pushing against the fabric.  Our movements were synchronized and almost a
choreography as we were pleasing our partners.  Doc knew that my ears were
really sensitive form previous sexual plays and put his tongue in my ear.
That made me throw my head back and Peter took the opportunity to lick that
tender part between my collarbone and my other ear.  I felt so alive and
... yes, excited.  My cock was throbbing in my underwear and I longed for
someone to touch it.  I was rewarded with two hands on my crotch.  I was
moaning out loud.  My briefs joined the pile of clothes on the nearby three
branch.  My cock was harder than ever before and pointing towards the sky
as if it was looking for Jeremy, but found it wrapped by two strong hands.
I slipped my hands under the waistband of Doc and Peter's briefs and cupped
their buttocks.  With the sweat of the building sexual heat, my fingers
soon could play with their cracks and rosebuds.

Although we were filled with lust and desire, there was also a tender and
caring feeling between the three of us.  For once, in a threesome, I could
actually feel love!  I didn't know who was showing more love in this
situation, but one of Peter's kisses gave me the answer.  In the past, when
Jeremy was still alive, we had discussed it and Jeremy pretended Peter had
a crush on me.  I denied that at the time, but was about to be obliged to
admit that Jeremy was probably right.  Peter put his whole heart and soul
in that kiss and I responded to him in the same way.  As we were kissing so
passionately, Doc was a little bit idle, but not for long.  He dropped to
his knees and pulled our both cocks together and wrapped his mouth around
them.  He sucked us with his never-ending skills and Peter and I were soon
panting and trying to catch our breath.  Doc was determined to give us as
much pleasure as he could with his tongue and his lips, while his hands
were cupping our balls.  Peter and I resumed our kissing and I took his
face in both my hands to be sure he wouldn't go away.  I put as much love
in that kiss as I could manage.  Peter meanwhile was caressing my chest and
playing with my nipples, pinching them from time to time.  That sent an
electric jolt through my whole body, awakening every nerve ending from the
top of my head till the last one in my toes.  Doc stood up and joined us in
our kissing and it was Peter's turn to get to his knees and service us
orally.  He didn't take us both at the same time but alternated between Doc
and my cock.  He was licking the shafts, sucking the heads and eating our
balls as if there was no tomorrow.  All the while, Doc had a finger pushed
up in my ass and was massaging my prostate.  This was exciting me to the
point of having to push Peter from my cock if I didn't want to come right
away.  As he came up to join us in the kiss, his hand wandered to my ass-
cheeks and he could feel Doc had a finger in my ass.  That didn't prevent
him to wet his finger with saliva and enter me as well.  The two fingers
were playing around in my ass and rubbing over my joy button.  I was oozing
pre-cum like never before and couldn't believe the sensations that were
flooding my whole being.  It didn't take them long to both add a second
finger in my opening and they were stretching my ass- muscle to its widest
extend.  Those four fingers played around so much that I was wondering if
their was a whole army of fingers up there.  Doc turned me around and
wrapped me in his strong arms, pressing my chest to his and kissing me
furiously.  That gave Peter the chance to position himself behind me and
point his cock-head right on target.  A little ore saliva was added to my
already wet hole.  I felt Peter push softly till his mushroom passed my
sphincter.  He then held still for a moment and wrapped his arms between my
chest and Doc's.  He was pinching and twisting four nipples at the time and
I just wondered how he could do that, but he did.  Long moans escaped our
throats while Peter pushed into me slowly.  I could feel his cock invade my
insides and filling me with his care and love.  I was pressed against Doc
who held me steady on my feet and licking my ears.  All my senses were in
overload and once I felt Peter's pubes on my ass, I thought I was going to
faint from pure pleasure.

I was sandwiched between those two gorgeous men, Peter filling my ass and
my cock pressed against Doc's.  The natural lubricant that was our sweat
made the rubbing even more pleasurable.  Peter started an in-and-out
pumping and each time I was afraid his cock would plop out.  It didn't.  He
knew exactly what he was doing and with each inwards thrust he almost
crashed my prostate.  I wrapped my arms around Doc's neck as to be sure I
would not fall as my legs started to be weak.  Nonetheless, I had still
enough strength to push my ass backwards each time Peter pushed in me.
That provoked of course a supplementary friction of Doc and my cock
together.  I felt that familiar tingle in my nuts and knew I was about to
spurt the biggest load ever as it was already several months since I last
had an orgasm.  I wanted to warn my friends that I was going to shoot, but
had no time.  The eruption from my dick was forceful and my first load even
reached Doc's chin.  With that first spurt I contracted my ass-muscles
really hard and almost could hold Peter in place, but his pent-up desire
couldn't hold him in place.  He suddenly increased his speed and with each
ass-muscle contraction he reached closer to his own climax.  I had just
shot six or seven spurts of hot juice between our bellies when Peter
started to fill me up.  Doc felt it and was sent over the edge in no time.
His juices mixed with mine while Peter emptied his balls in my bowels.

Suddenly it was all over.  We stayed pressed together and I couldn't feel
safer and satisfied.  I broke the kiss with Doc and turned my head as far
as I could to meet Peter's lips.  We were catching our breaths and let our
heartbeats coming back to normal, all the while kissing and caressing.  We
were drenched in cum and sweat and saliva.  I looked at my two friends and
if their state was any indication of how I looked, I must have looked
awfully messed up, but with a very content smirk on my face.

We disentangled and took our underwear to clean up a bit of the mess we
made.  Than we slipped on our trousers and going commando as their was no
way to put our briefs back on.  I had the three briefs in my hand and had a
wicked idea, but didn't tell my friends about it.

We were soon on the path back to my car.  We hopped in and we went back to
the city.  On the way Doc's mobile rang.  He took the call and when he was
finished he said:

- Show me what's under the hood Frank, I have an emergency!

I pushed my foot on the accelerator and the car roared forward with the
strength of the bi-turbo engine.  We reached his practice in record time.
He jumped out of the car and said he would call later.  Peter and I drove
back to my house.  All the way peter left his hand on my thigh.  I loved
the feeling and soon had my hand on his and our fingers intertwined.  It
was only when I parked the car on the driveway that we broke the contact as
I had to put the shifting gearstick in Parking.

We went into the house and straight to the bathroom.  Our cum had dried and
was sticking into our body hair.  A warm shower solved the problem but
caused another one, as we were both hard again.  We played for a while
under the cascading water.  We kissed a lot and we both shot another load
down the drain.  When we got out, we dried each other off and I went to the
closet to retrieve some briefs for Peter and myself.  As it was warm, we
didn't care to dress anymore than that.

As peter was almost living with me since I came back from the hospital, he
knew his way around in the house and the kitchen.  He went straight to the
fridge and looked inside to see what he could come up with for our evening
meal.  I came behind him and wrapped my arms around his chest, looking over
his shoulder to see what he was looking for.  I must say he had kept the
fridge well stocked.  I had not realized everything he had done for me
while I was "out".  As my arms were around his chest, he put his arms on
mine and even if we were looking in the fridge, we didn't see anything.  We
were both absorbed in our thoughts.  For the first time sine the tragic
Saturday morning when Jeremy left my life, I felt comfortable and safe.  I
had the feeling that when we were in our secret spot, Jeremy had encouraged
me to go on with my life and enjoying it.  I knew I didn't need his
permission, but nonetheless I had the feeling he had given it to me, the
permission to love again.

That night, Peter didn't sleep in the guest-room.  He shared my bed.  I was
a little nervous as I remembered the last time I had shared this bed.  I
tried to convince myself that it was nonsense to think that way, but Peter
felt there was something wrong.  I sat up in bed and he wrapped his arms
around me.  He told me to take my time, but to let out what was on my mind.
I breathed several times quite deep and told him my apprehension.  He let
me speak out my feelings and my fears, without interrupting me once.  He
just held me tight.  It was not a conversation as I was the only one to
talk.  He urged me to let it all out, and I did.  I expressed myself quite
clearly, to the point of surprising myself.  I was speaking and at the same
time listening to myself.  When I heard myself saying something that was
not right, I corrected myself.  I went on speaking like that for over an
hour.  I a certain way I was exorcising myself and get all the negative
thoughts out of my system.  I even started to smile and although Peter was
behind me, it seemed he could sense it.

When I finally had said all that was worrying me, Peter squeezed me a
little more tightly in his arms.

- You know, he said, I was so happy to see you genuinely smile again for
the first time today.  I know you had a rough time, but I longed to see
your smile again.  I am sure Jeremy liked it as well.

I was really moved by his words, but didn't lose my smile.  I looked at him
and when our eyes met, there was a very special sparkle in them.  I told
Peter there was one last thing I wanted to do.  He looked at me quizzically
and I said I wanted to watch the video of the funeral of Jeremy.  He asked
if I was sure and I said yes.  We got out of bed and went downstairs.  He
got the disk in the player and switched on the television.  Some one had
clearly edited it, as there were titles and general views.  The place was
decorated with hundreds of flowers, all white roses.  The place was packed
and I could clearly recognize a lot of our friends, some co-workers of
Jeremy and even some of my co-workers as well as my boss.  There was a
beautiful music playing (that I didn't know) and Peter assured me it was
the music that actually played at the ceremony.  As Jeremy was not a
religious man, there was no priest.  At best you could call the guy a
master of ceremony.  He addressed the crowd with simple words, inviting
anyone to come forward and say a few words about Jeremy.  It was really
moving to see how much people wanted to pay their respects to him and there
were even a few words for my healing as well.  All in all it was a
beautiful and simple ceremony.  You could hear, but not see, a lot of
people who were crying and some devastated faces.  The ceremony ended with
a song from Cˇline Dion "Just walk away".

A single tear came out of my eyes.  I turned towards Peter and thanked him
for such a beautiful ceremony and for the magnificent video that was made
of it.  I surprised him by standing up, going to the kitchen and taking a
bottle of Champagne.  It was a bottle Jeremy had bought to christen my new
car!  I opened the bottle and took two glasses out of the cupboard.  Peter
looked at me with a stunned look.

- Listen Peter; I have been through an awful time.  This afternoon we have
had a very special connection with Jeremy.  This video has given me the
chance to say goodbye to him.  I know he wants me to go on with my life and
he would be horrified if I was shutting myself out of the world.  He would
want me to live, to laugh and to enjoy the things life is offering me.  We
all know the future is a big question mark and that we can't take anything
for granted.  Hence the fact that everything was turned upside down for me,
and as well for all of our friends, when he left us so abruptly.  We have
to live to the fullest.  We have to live each day as if it was the last
one.

I took the two glasses of Champagne and handed one to Peter.

- Let's toast Peter.  Let's toast to life itself, to Jeremy telling us
everything is going to be all right.  To the love you show me everyday and
that I hope and even think I will be able to respond in a proper way.

With that I gave him a loving kiss.  We lifted our glasses and drank.

Peter was beaming and from the look in his eyes I guessed I was, too.  We
went back to bed and made passionate love till the early hours of the
morning.  We slept in each other's arms and when I woke up I felt fresh and
full of energy.  I jumped out of bed, went to the bathroom to empty my
bladder and brush my teeth.  I went downstairs and started a fresh pot of
coffee and started on breakfast.  The smells must have reached Peter's nose
as he came down the stairs and wrapped his arms around me and kissed me
deeply.

We sat down at the table and had a healthy breakfast.  When we finished and
the kitchen was tidied up we went to the bathroom and saved some water by
showering together.  Of course there was a lot of kissing and grabbing and
once more our juices went down the drain.  I don't know if we really saved
any water as it turned cold before we were finished.  We dressed and went
out on the patio as the sun was warming up the day and it looked like we
would have a summer day in spring.  We were standing there, arms wrapped
around each other and I felt good, almost happy.  I knew Jeremy's memory
would haunt me in the future, but I knew I had his blessing.

- I know I have to thank quite some people for the condolences they sent.
I think that, as I was not at the funeral, we will have them all over here,
but not in a sad mood.  We will throw a huge party and remember Jeremy in
the way he lived: joyfully.  What do you think?

- I think that is a brilliant idea Frank.  Saying goodbye the same way he
lived is marvelous.  I know quite some people will think it is not the
proper thing to do, but I agree wholeheartedly with you.

- Those who think it is not a proper thing to do, have not appreciated or
known Jeremy well and for my part they can stay away.  Let's just throw
that party and celebrate life as much as we can.



To be continued?  Yes, if you guys let me know you like the story!  Thanks
for all those who already wrote to me telling me they loved it.  Send me a
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