Date: Mon, 26 Apr 2004 18:20:22 -0600
From: Drew Filchak <dfilchak@qwest.net>
Subject: Agendas -- A Continuation of the Reservations Series
*** Thanks again, Tim, for the edits. I think you deserve a whole
bunch of bananas! Hugs. ***
Agendas
A Continuation of the Reservations Series
By Drew Filchak
A surreal, yet natural feeling enveloped me upon entering the
restaurant from the building's interior. Sure, I should be used to
it by now considering a month had passed since my routine of entering
the restaurant from the street doorway had altered itself
considerably. But seldom over the past while had I come down to
breakfast alone. The odd, surreal feelings stemmed from the many
memories I had of watching Joel enter the restaurant in the same
manner, morning after morning, which I was now doing. Yet, adding to
the odd sensation was the very real impression that those memories
belonged to another life, another person.
For the past half hour, my thoughts had increasingly darkened.
Bits of worry and doubt about the repercussions from the past
weekend's events began to snowball quickly from the point of waking
up this morning. The brief hug and even quicker kiss I received from
Joel as he darted out the door to meet Paul caused me to flare with
irritation. I wanted to scream, 'Wait a minute ... what's the plan?
What's on the agenda here?', but he was gone before I could focus my
self.
Now, as I crossed the closed section of the restaurant, my
disjointed thoughts distracted me.
"What? No 'good morning' smile? Don't you love me any more?"
Startled from my burrowing thoughts I looked up to see a forlorn
and hangdog expression on Hank's face. His eyes twinkled though,
with ornery mischief and prompted my musings to pause temporarily.
"Nope. Sorry, babe. I got me a new man now and he's got lots
of money and a big dick. You just can't compete."
Hank pouted in a classic scorned lover pose. His hands flew to
his hips adding dramatic emphasis to his falsetto shriek. "Well!
You never had complaints about my size before!" A crack appeared in
the veneer of his staged scowl as the corners of his lips twitched.
"Now I supposed you still expect me to fetch your breakfast. Well
you can kiss my lily-white ass with your money-grubbing lips, bitch!"
I forced my expression to remain deadpan. "Uh, Hank? You don't
have a lily-white ass. You're black."
His eyebrows arched dramatically as he shook his finger at me
repeatedly over the bar. "Don't get technical on me, buster!"
I lost it! My head flew backwards and I bellowed laughter. My
need for release from the incessant, dark musing that had started
from the moment I opened my eyes this morning found unbelievable
satisfaction and fulfillment in Hank's antics. I slapped my leg and
doubled over as release poured from me allowing all of my worry and
doubts and beginning bits of agitation to melt in the joy of Hank's
good nature.
"Oh, god, man!" I choked. "That was good! I needed that so
badly this morning. You can't begin to know how badly I needed a
jolt of you today!" My laughter dropped to a chuckle. "Buster! Oh,
that's choice!"
Hank's devilish grin widened. "Glad to oblige. I don't know
what was up with your weekend, but mine sucked. I needed a jolt of
you too, Blair."
He waved me around the bar and turned for the coffee pot. "Grab
your seat, bud. Tell me what's going on."
"Thanks for the coffee, Hank. And you won't believe me if I
told you."
He arched his eyebrow at me in question. "Well, then let me put
your order in first and then you can tell your buddy Hank, this
unbelievable story. You want your usual?"
I looked at him and shook my head, smirking. Everything again
felt surreal, but thankfully, I felt brighter than I did as I entered
the restaurant.
"Part of me would love nothing more than to have my usual
breakfast this morning, but I need a little more than the usual, bud.
I need eggs and bacon and sausage and pancakes or waffles and syrup
and juice for at least eight people this morning."
I paused, thinking about how the boys last night devoured six
extra-large pizzas in record time. Grinning, I held up my hands
resignedly towards Hank. His bewildered expression was priceless.
"Actually, make that order for ten people. Have them batch the
separate items all together, kind of like family-style. We'll dish
everything up ourselves."
He pulled his head back and looked at me wide-eyed. "You're
serious, aren't you? What? Are you feeding a small army?"
I shook my head still grinning. "Something like that."
His return grin and nod served as his response. "Give me a
minute. I'll put the order in and then go speak to the cook about
the packaging. Sounds like a hell of a weekend."
'That it was, Hank,' I mused. 'That it was.'
I glanced at my watch trying to gauge when I could expect Ben to
arrive, but realized that I'd only left him five minutes ago. He was
going to shower and then come down to help me cart the food back
upstairs for the boys. I thought about our brief exchange prior to
my heading down to the restaurant and again felt an incredible
tenderness for Ben surge in me.
* * *
Passing by the boy's room on my way to the kitchen in search of
coffee, I saw through the open door all six of the boys sprawled out
between the mattresses and Ben's bed, sleeping soundly. The sheets
and comforters had been tossed aside; an obvious accommodation to the
warmth in the room. I realized that after the nightly cold they'd
experienced repeatedly, the apartment must have felt like the balmy
tropics to them.
My eyes were drawn to the large tent in the front of Cleats'
boxer shorts. I grinned, finally understanding Ben's comment from
yesterday regarding Cleats' morning wood. Mau slept face down,
clutching his pillow next to Cleats. Timmy spooned back against
Chris' chest as Chris' muscular arm tucked around the small boy's
form. In contrast to Chris' long body, Timmy looked even smaller.
Chris' wide shoulders tapered dramatically down to a narrow waist and
I couldn't help but notice how the tight boxers that Chris wore
showed off his slender, yet developed athletic hips and butt. He
definitely was a good-looking young man.
Ben lay on his back with his right arm draped over his eyes.
Cody lay next to him on the bed with his face burrowed into Ben's
left shoulder. His arm draped loosely across Ben's chest with his
left leg bent and resting on top of Ben's thigh. It was the most
erotically innocent thing I'd seen in years and compounding the
eroticism of the scene before me was the fact that Ben's slightly
bent right leg pulled the fabric of his boxers taut, displaying an
extremely full and packed crotch. His dick wasn't hard like Cleats'
was with morning wood. Rather the bulging fabric promised something
that would easily rival, if not beat, Cleats' unknowingly displayed
erection.
I immediately turned from the doorway, pulling the door closed
behind me. An involuntary rush of breath forced its way from my
mouth.
'Fuck!' my mind gasped raggedly. 'Gotta get those boys to keep
their door closed!'
I chuckled to myself with a shake of my head and a smirk.
'Where's Joel when I need him!'
Mid-way down the hall another thought stopped me instantly.
'My god! They're all so thin! They looked half-starved!' The
vision of their separate ribs pressing against their skin shocked me
and sent a shiver coursing through me. When I thought about just how
long they'd had to fight and steal just to eat, my knees nearly gave
way underneath me. I reached my hand to the wall to steady myself as
the thought caused me to stagger. Anger flashed through me.
My voice growled lowly, menacingly to the empty hallway. "What
fucking monsters are their parents to kick out defenseless kids into
the world?" My eyes flooded with tears of rage and frustration. I
wanted to pound the wall in fury as images flashed before my mind of
them falling asleep on those filth-encrusted mattresses, the sharp
pain of hunger being their constant unwanted companion. Impotent
tears spilled from my eyes as I heard the sound of the spare room
door opening. I whirled around quickly.
Ben stepped from the room clad only in his boxers and pulled the
door partially shut behind him. Immediately, he spied me standing a
few feet from the door and his face pulled back in an alarmed
reaction.
"What's wrong, dude? Why you looking at me like that? Why you
crying?"
A rush of breath forced its way passed my lips and I realized
from his expression that the rage-filled look on my face, plus my
tears, was scaring him. I quickly palmed my face clearing the tears
and sniffed.
"Sorry, Ben. I didn't mean for you to see that. Did I wake
you?"
He shrugged and continued to look at me intently as he took a
couple steps towards me. "Why are you crying, Blair? What's wrong?"
The sincerity and concern in his voice along with the worry in
his eyes overwhelmed me with protective and tender feelings. My
emotions again surged and fresh tears ran from my eyes.
My voice cracked and sounded like gravel being crushed under a
boot heel. "You're all so thin! Look at your ribs."
I stood before Ben, my arms hanging dejectedly at my side with
my hands turned upwards. Pointing towards his gaunt torso, I tried
in vain to control my emotions. Each rib stood in stark relief
against his pasty, white skin. His chest muscles, while naturally
developed, seemed to pull from his collar and shoulder muscles.
There was no extra skin or extra body fat anywhere. His abdomen
pulled inward tightly, concave. The gaunt, visual impact was
accented acutely by prominent hipbones framing a tiny waist. The
blue striped boxers hung low on his stark frame, well below his
hipbones. So thin. Too thin!
I clenched my eyes shut tightly and rubbed my closed lids again,
then massaged my brows -- trying to force some element of control to
reassert itself.
"Sorry." I whispered, then swallowed.
I felt a light touch on my shoulder and looked to see Ben
standing in front of me. His hand squeezed my shoulder. "Hey, we
can't all be hunks like you, man."
I chuckled once hoarsely and sniffed again. Ben continued.
"And if it helps you chill any, I'm not hungry now."
I snorted through my plugged nose and rolled my eyes. "Liar."
His telltale grin and reflexive shrug helped to clear the last
of the emotion from my eyes. He gave my shoulder another squeeze.
"You know, we're gonna be okay. Don't worry so much, all right?"
My face relaxed though my eyes still shone brightly. "Am I
worrying too much?"
He raised his eyebrow and with a lift of his chin, rolled his
brilliant blue eyes back at me. "You're so ..."
"Weird, I know. You've told me."
"I was gonna say 'cool'. But you're weird too."
I shook my head and grabbed his shoulder pulling him with me as
I turned towards the kitchen. "Come on. Let's make some coffee.
Then I'll head down stairs to get us all some breakfast. I'm hungry
myself."
"There's a pot already made. I was up earlier. Where's Kung Fu
Man?"
I turned into the kitchen, smiling. "He went to see a man about
a horse."
His sigh, dramatic and underscored with exasperation, caused me
to grin further as he grabbed his used cup from the sink. "And you
wonder why we all think you're weird."
I smirked wryly and filled our cups. Ben pulled the ice cream
from the freezer then stopped to look for my reaction. His lips
pursed; an expectant pause filled the silence.
"I think I need to work in a run to the store today. We're
gonna need more ice cream."
His face lit the room as a wave of happiness and relief poured
from him. It was palpable and I sensed in him a reluctant hope that
he could be happy here. The simple act of accepting him as he was,
demonstrated through my desire to get him more ice cream, seemed to
go farther toward building his trust in us than all of our promises
to him combined.
Ben's face beamed. He grabbed his used spoon from the sink and
placed a heaping spoonful of the frozen cream into his mug.
"Hey, Ben? Thanks for putting your mug in the sink when you
were finished earlier. I appreciate it."
He nodded and I watched as his brief surge of unguarded
contentment dimmed slightly. "My mom was always after me to do
that."
"Where is she, your mom?"
"She's dead." His shrug and pointed glance told me he didn't
want to talk about it.
I reached up and swept a lock of his hair behind his ear. His
eyes searched mine intently.
"That's twice you done that."
I continued to look at him. "Does that bother you?"
He shrugged. "She used to do that."
"Does it bother you that I do it? I'll stop if it does. I
don't mean anything by it."
"I know you don't. It's ... cool." His contentment welled
again a little bit, quieter this time, though still noticeable. I
could feel it.
I leaned against the counter and sipped my coffee. Ben stirred
his cup and sipped it gingerly as he leaned next to me. The silence
between us was comfortable. But in moments, the image of their too-
thin bodies filled my thoughts again. I was certain that Joel knew
of a good pediatrician and made a mental note to get the boys checked
out. I glanced at Ben from the side and added haircuts to the list,
or at least the offer of one. And I needed to take the others to get
some decent clothes and shoes and underwear today. And tooth
brushes.
My thoughts leapt forward, spinning wildly.
'And what about all the legal stuff? What if one of them gets
hurt?' I thought. 'Technically, neither of us has any rights to
authorize medical treatment. And why wouldn't Mao talk? Plus, what
would the courts or social services say about pulling six teenagers
off the streets with us only knowing their first names? What if one
of them was wanted by the law? What then?'
I stood up quickly and set my cup on the counter. My panicked
musings slowed with the movement. Ben's question distracted me
further.
"Can I go with you to get the food? And what about Mikey?
Don't we need to feed him?"
"Sure you can come with me. I could use the help. And Joel's
taking care of Mikey this morning so why don't you jump in the shower
and get dressed then meet me downstairs? The restaurant is around
the corner from Joel's elevator. You won't need the code to head
down. I'll give it to you later. How's that sound?"
"Cool."
"Good. Why don't you use Joel's shower instead of yours so you
don't wake up your boys."
He grinned. "Nothing wakes them up when they're whacked out,
dude. But sure I'll use Joel's." He turned to leave the kitchen,
then paused and turned back to me. "You dudes aren't really hitched,
are you?"
His question startled me. "No. Why do you ask?"
"Cause I see your rings and all, but you keep referring to
everything as Joel's, but he keeps calling everything both of yours.
Is that why you're not ... you know, married? Don't you want it?"
I was floored by his questions and line of thought. But I
didn't want to, nor could I deal with it right now. My mind was full
of other stuff that needed handling.
"Ben," I said, giving him a half smile, "it's not that I don't
want to answer your questions, but I don't really know if I have a
full answer yet. Can I get back to you on that?"
"Whatever, dude. I'm going to the shower."
"Okay. See you downstairs."
Sudden, overwhelming anxiety slammed into me as my whirling
thoughts propelled me towards the door. I dialed Joel's phone as the
elevator opened. The call went straight to voice mail, which meant
he was on two calls at once with my call coming in third. My message
was short. "Call me."
* * *
Hank returned from the kitchen and grabbed an empty coffee cup
then brought the pot to my place at the bar. He refilled mine and
poured a half cup for himself.
"So what do you need so much food for? Have a few hungry
guests?"
I snorted at the understatement.
Over the next few minutes, I told Hank of our weekend beginning
with Friday night. A couple of times his eyes grew wide or he let
out a low whistle, but didn't interrupt. Finally, he swallowed the
last of his coffee, the slow shake of his head conveying his
thoughts.
"You two don't do anything on a small scale, do you?"
The urge to grin and make light of what he was implying was
strong, but his words hit too close to home. I rubbed my face,
trying to smooth out the doubts that I knew he saw there. He stared
at me. I arched my brows once, but didn't respond.
"You're thinking 'What the hell happened?', right? And you're
also thinking 'I'm not sure I signed up for all of this'. Stop me if
I'm wrong, buddy."
I clenched my jaw reflexively, but remained silent.
"And I can hear in your words that in many ways, you feel as
deeply about helping these kids as Joel does so you feel guilty about
the first two points. But the thing that I think is at the core of
what's really upsetting you is ... and I could be way off base here,
but I think you're feeling the effect of moving around for the past
month in Joel's shadow."
I immediately felt the sting of truth in his last statement. My
face burned. I wanted badly for it not to be true -- but it was. I
couldn't deny it.
"That about sums it up," I said quietly. I downed the last of
my coffee and he quickly refilled it. "Damn, Hank. You're pretty
good at this bartender psychoanalysis shit." I let myself grin wryly
and dropped my gaze. "A month ago, I was at the top of my game,
calling my own shots and now ..."
"Now you're playing in the All-Stars and are feeling like a
rookie. Plus the team just grew by another six players who need a
hell of a lot of coaching and they're looking to you for whatever it
is they need." He reached across the bar and gave my shoulder a firm
squeeze. "Sorry about the sports analogy, but it fits pretty well in
this situation. Look, Blair, Joel is a major power player, you know
this."
I nodded, but kept my mouth shut.
"I've waited on him during some of his business dinners and some
of the things I'd hear him say left my head spinning with their
breadth and scope. He's one of those guys that is always 'on',
always in play. You're not one of those guys and I'm glad for it.
But you gotta realize something here. The 'Joel types', the major
players, never sync up or link up with other power players. It'd be
too much of everything. They link up with people like yourself that
round them out with your stability. You complete them. And I think
that's why Joel fell for you so quickly and so completely ... and so
obviously in disregard of the fact that you're a man. You two make a
perfect combination on all kinds of levels. So you need to just lay
this all out for Joel to see and I know you'll find a balance point
in all of this."
'Stunned' was an inadequate word to try and describe what I was
feeling after listening to Hank. On the one hand, his words
contained a real truth -- one that I was comfortable with. And on
the other hand, his words held a decision for me to make. Now that
Hank had so effectively stopped my turbulent thoughts, I knew there
was really no other decision that I could make -- that I wanted to
make -- than to embrace my power-player hero with both arms and a
full heart. And that embrace included Ben and the rest of the boys.
My smile rewrote the scowl on my face and in my heart. The dark
thoughts disappeared, replaced with a feeling of adventure and
promise. I wanted to see Joel now desperately.
"Well, that smile tells me that all my bullshit rambling must
have hit on something that made some sense."
"Oh yeah, my friend," I sighed as relief etched my voice. "I
was wrong earlier when I said you were pretty good at this analysis
stuff. You're incredible. How'd you know or ... see all of that?"
Hank shrugged, then looked up and waved as a regular customer
entered. "Guess I'm still in the zone, bud. I broke it off with
Natalie on Friday and spent the weekend looking at my self pretty
honestly."
"Oh, man. I'm sorry to hear that. What happened?"
"We just weren't compatible. Not even close to how compatible
you and Joel are. She wanted to party every night and I'm cool if I
do it once a week. Plus my family hated her." He laughed. "That's
what I get for having a penchant of dating pretty, white chicks with
blonde hair."
I laughed with him. "She was fine looking, Hank. I'll give you
that."
He turned to the new customer and I watched him welcomed the guy
with a funny comment. 'Hank was something else!' I thought. He
always had his shit together.
I saw Ben standing on the stairs leading into the restaurant.
My grin and wave brought a returned grin. He looked different
somehow and it took me a second to realize that he was wearing his
new 501 jeans. They made a drastic change in his appearance.
Instead of his preferred, form-hiding and baggy cargo pants, his
long, slender form was now displayed to his benefit. He could get
any girl or boy he wanted wearing those jeans. I grinned at the
thought as he slid into the seat next to me. The scent of his
freshly washed hair surrounded me It was still somewhat damp and
tucked behind his ears.
"How was the shower?"
"Great! Man, it kicked ass! I thought the one in our bathroom
was cool, but that one was the best!"
I chuckled at his youthful exuberance as he continued.
"I think the rest of my boys were heading in to try it out as I
left."
"Oh? They're awake, huh? I thought you said they were whacked
out?"
He tipped his head in agreement. "I think Cody heard us in the
hall and woke the others up."
"Oh." I replied. "So they heard my little breakdown." I
wasn't sure why that embarrassed me, but my face flushed with heat.
"Did they say anything about it?"
Ben turned toward me and grinned. "They think you rock, dude."
I smiled at his words. "Yeah?"
"Yeah."
'Well, that helps," I smirked to myself then pointed to his
jeans. "You know, you look great in those jeans, by the way."
He tried to hide his smile. "They all wanted to wear something
clean, so they have on the other pants you bought me. Even Timmy.
He's too small for the pants, but the sweat pants have a string, so
he was going to cinch them up tight."
It amazed me how easily the boys shared seemingly everything.
Last night as they converged on the pizzas, Cleats put two big slices
of pizza on a plate and handed it to Cody. Then he did the same for
Mao. Later during the movie, Chris moved to the floor next to Timmy,
who automatically, and without being asked, gave him one of the two
pillows he was cuddling. Joel and I shared a surprised smile at the
sight. I knew that they would in time, fight about what to watch on
the television or get pissed about another's channel surfing, but
they were all undoubtedly tied together by their circumstances -- a
great love and acceptance having grown between them. And it showed.
"They're your boys, huh?"
"Yeah." Obviously proud, his response also held a slight bit of
embarrassment over my unvoiced, but apparent, approval.
"Well, that's on our agenda today -- getting your boys to the
mall for some new clothes of their own. Especially one's that'll fit
Chris and Timmy.
Wonder and a little astonishment looked back at me from his
bright, lazuli eyes. Whatever thought lay behind the incredulity
that I saw there remained his own as he dropped my gaze to study the
bar top.
"You want some coffee?"
A small raise of his shoulder began his response. "You buying?
I don't have any cash. I gotta get a job, man."
God! I felt a wrench twist my heart. I knew intuitively that
he was being serious. I reached into my pocket and pulled out my
wallet, then handed him two twenty dollar bills. His eyes grew large
as he looked up from the money to me.
"You can look around for something that'll earn you some cash
later, after you are really settled. I gave Cody that money on
Saturday and I'm sure he spread it around with the others. I should
have thought about you at the same time. Sorry." I held up my
coffee cup towards Hank and he nodded in response. "Just put it in
your pocket. You don't need it here, remember? The coffee and any
food you want are on the house, all right?"
"You do rock, Blair. Thanks, man." He tucked the bills into
his jeans pocket as Hank approached.
"You Ben?" Hank asked extending his hand. Ben took it and
nodded.
"You Hank?" He returned.
I grinned. After everything, his seemingly indomitable
personality continued to shine through all of the crap he'd
experienced.
Hank nodded once and then looked at us together. "Man, I'd
think that you two were of the same blood if I didn't know any
better. Same eyes, same hair, same chin. But sorry, Blair," his
eyes twinkled, 'the kid's got you beat in the looks department. No
contest! The chicks have got to be all over him."
Ben beamed while my lips smacked together drolly.
"Shut it, Hank and just pour us some coffee, would ya? Oh, and
cutie here takes cream and sugar, unless you've got a spoonful of ice
cream handy."
Ben blushed and shook his head. "I'll take it black."
I looked at him sideways. "Since when?"
"Since now. Who needs all that crap in it anyways?"
I shrugged as he finished his explanation. I did a poor job of
hiding my twisted grin.
"Well then, I don't have to get any milk or ice cream when I go
to the store later, huh?"
Ben's nod conveyed tolerance similar to that displayed by a
parent to his wayward child. "Yeah, not if you don't want to, I
guess. But Cleats and Mau like milk in their coffee, Mau especially.
The others don't drink it. Chris says it'll stunt our growth and
Cody just don't like it. Timmy only likes the smell. But as far as
the ice cream goes ...."
I grinned at his patient, playful tone. Hank shook his head,
confused with all the names. "Well, then, black it is, if you're
sure."
Ben nodded again, refusing to look at me. Hank filled both cups
and put a splash in his own then turned to me.
"Your feast will be ready in another couple of minutes."
My cell phone buzzed on my hip as I tipped my head in thanks to
him. The caller ID flashed Joel's name. I grinned and as I went to
open it, I heard Ben chuckle.
"It's the man, isn't it? You got that goofy look on your face
again."
Laughing, I handed the phone to Ben and nodded at his surprised
look. He grinned.
"Hey, Kung Fu Man. This is Blair's personal secretary.
Whazzup?"
I heard Joel's laughter ring in Ben's ear from the handset. I
sipped my coffee and I listened to Ben excitedly tell Joel about his
morning shower experience and that he thought that his restaurant was
'rad' and that Hank seemed like an all right dude. I watched Ben sip
his coffee and wince slightly, then take another sip. Ben asked Joel
where he was and shared that I'd told him something 'wiggly' about
Joel checking out a horse. He listened for a bit then I heard Ben
ask why he was going 'there'. I watched as he listened again
silently. Ben glanced at me once and nodded into the phone.
"Sure, Fu Man. I'll get 'em to give it all to Blair. I don't
know about Mao though, man. He don't even talk to us. Uh-huh.
Okay, here's Blair."
I took the phone as I watched Hank wheel out a cart loaded with
food. In addition to what I'd ordered, there was a bowl of prepared
fruit and seemingly an entire loaf of buttered toast and a basket of
assorted jams and marmalades. Ben's eyes grew wide as he looked from
the cart to me. I grinned and lifted my eyebrows in anticipation.
"Hi, babe. How'd it go with Paul?"
"Good. Are you okay?" The anxiety in Joel's voice clearly
transmitted itself over the airwaves. I realized that he had heard
the considerable upset in my voice from my earlier message. I
winced, suddenly hating the thought of causing him worry. I turned
in my seat in an attempt to prevent Ben from hearing my side of the
conversation.
"Yeah, babe. Sorry about that message earlier," I said softly.
"I got a little bit overwhelmed with everything and then I lost it in
the hallway outside of the boy's room when I saw how thin and
emaciated they all looked. But Hank helped me with the overwhelm bit
and Ben did his best to tell me not to worry."
"I'm sorry I wasn't there, Love. I should have noticed
something was upsetting you, but I just dashed out to meet Paul. I'm
sorry."
"It's okay, Joel. Let's just have a little debrief session when
you get back. Where are you heading now?"
"To the courthouse. I'm meeting a buddy of mine -- a judge --
who's agreed to give me temporary guardianship of the boys in case
something happens to them medically. I want to try and keep social
services out of our hair for a while -- hopefully, long enough to get
your house set up and the boys moved in. But he wants to talk to me
in person and he has a few free minutes now before he goes into
session. I left Paul at your house. Mikey's fine by the way. He
even let me hold him."
I grinned at the thought of my traitorous cat, along with the
memory of Hank's words assuring me that, together, Joel and I would
figure everything out. I turned back around in my seat.
"That sounds great, Joel and good luck with your friend. I feel
a lot better just hearing that." I glanced at Hank as he waived Ben
over to the cart, which sat waiting on the opposite side of the bar.
"The foods ready so we're gonna get it up to the guys. Then once we
eat, I was going to run to the store for some food for later. The
restaurant's fine, but not for constantly feeding six teenagers."
"I can have Rob find a personal shopper that could probably be
over there in a couple of hours, you know."
I grinned. "No. I'll do it. Thanks. I wanna get it done now
so that I can get the guys to the mall for some clothes. They
basically have nothing so Ben let them wear his new stuff."
I heard a pause on the other end of the line. "I'll take them
clothes shopping, Love. It'll give me a chance to spend some time
with them. Besides, you've been handling everything with them while
I've been jumping around taking care of other things. How's that
sound?"
It sounded wonderful. It wasn't as though I needed to be alone,
nor that I needed down time. But I'd gone from our new life
together, to the past forty-eight hours or more totally focused on
Ben and then on the other boys. I required a little adjustment in my
own rhythms. "Joel, it sounds great, actually. And I know they'd
love that. I'll see you then in 30 minutes or so, yes?"
"You got it. I love you."
"Right back at you, stud."
The guys were in their room, laughing when we arrived back at
the apartment. They quickly joined us in the kitchen and piled their
plates with food. All of them except Mao and Chris groaned when I
insisted they eat some fruit with their breakfast. The first thing
Mao grabbed was a banana, followed quickly by a heaping spoonful of
the fresh-cut fruit salad. The boys moved to the small table that
seated six outside of the kitchen and I pulled up to the breakfast
bar next to them.
"Did you all sleep okay?"
Heads bobbed enthusiastically; mouths full. Cody swallowed
quickly. "It was so warm, dude!"
Cleats nodded again, but continued eating.
"I liked it." Timmy grinned.
"Yeah, but you kept hogging my pillow, squirt." Chris said.
"What was wrong with your own?"
"Cleats kept trying to hump me in his sleep. I had to put it
between me and him."
Ben and Cody laughed as Cleats shook his head. Mau and Chris
grinned.
"Aw, man. You know I didn't mean nothing, Little T. I just
gotta find me a lady." He shrugged then stuffed another sausage into
his mouth.
Cody smirked. "So Blair? Did you get a look at Cleats' morning
wood? It's there every day, man. You can't miss it."
I blushed slightly and nodded. "Yeah, I saw it. Which reminds
me, you guys should probably keep your door pulled shut for modesty's
sake."
I watched as his eyes locked on the others. A brief, anxious
look passed between them. I wondered if my original thought about
them automatically assuring they have an escape route was actually
closer to the point that I'd initially thought. "Is that a problem?
Do you want the door open for some reason?"
"Uh, yeah. We don't care if you see us, Blair," Chris said with
a wink. "But the door being open works for us, if that's all right
with you guys."
"Yeah," Cody grinned. "Besides, Bone's afraid of the dark."
Ben blushed. "I am not, asshole." A quick punch to Cody's
shoulder brought a few giggles from the boys.
"So, why do you call him Bone, Cody?"
Ben's blush deepened instantly while Cody's eyes lit up with
mischief.
"You've obviously not seen him in the skin, man. Shit. Even
his boxers can't hide his huge dick. It puts Cleats' monster to
shame."
The boys all grinned knowingly at each other and Cleats bobbed
his head up and down repeatedly. Ben looked into his plate as
embarrassment flooded his face. I blushed myself as the memory of my
brief, lingering glance at the bulge in Ben's shorts this morning
jumped to my mind.
Cody grinned widely while Chris mumbled a quiet 'oh, yeah'.
Ben grabbed his glass of orange juice. A deep scowl creased his
brows. "Would you guys stop talking about my dick all the time? I
know you fags can't help dreaming of it and all, but give it up
already. You ain't gettin' it."
Cody and Chris laughed. I watched their interplay and couldn't
help grinning myself.
"That's right, Ben," I chuckled. "Stand firm. You know us
fags."
Laughter erupted and Ben glared at me. "I didn't mean nothing
by it," he mumbled.
"I know, bud. Just teasing." I gave him a wink and a smile.
He tipped his head up towards me once.
"You sure are sensitive this morning, Bone." Cody tapped his
fork against Ben's.
"It's just a dick."
"Yeah, right. A dick that makes me swoon!" Cody grabbed his
chest and fell to the floor moaning. "Be still my heart! Or my
dick!"
Again, laughter spilled from the table as Cody squirmed on the
floor, one hand remaining over his heart while his other hand grabbed
his crotch. I grinned and shook my head. The laughter and deep
feelings of friendship and love that I felt between the boys caused a
shiver to run down my spine. I loved seeing them laughing and happy.
I didn't hear the door close as Joel entered the apartment.
"Hey guys," Joel called as he entered the room, "what's so
funny?"
"Whazzup, man?" Cleats laughed. I turned to Joel and blew him
a discreet kiss. He winked at me in return and looked at Cody as he
squirmed around on the floor. He grinned.
"What did I miss?"
"You didn't miss nothin', Fu Man. Just Cody being stupid." Ben
stabbed at another bunch of food with his fork and brought it to his
mouth.
Cody sat up and grinned. "Stupid in love with your hog."
Ben rolled his eyes, but remained quiet.
"Okay, guys. That's enough about Ben's endowment. Who wants
some more juice or food?"
Timmy stood up with his plate. "I do."
"Well, help yourself, kiddo. You know where it is."
Joel touched my shoulder gently and I felt a current run through
me as it always did when we made contact with each other. He smiled
knowingly.
"Did you save any for me? I've been running since I left."
I nodded and motioned towards the stool next to me. "Have a
seat, Love. I'll get you a plate."
Joel moved to sit down as Cleats snorted.
"Aw. So sweet."
Chris sent a pointed look towards Cleats. I smirked; chuckling
inside at the way Chris tried to keep Cleats from his natural
tendency to want to razz us.
Joel noticed too, but ignored it. "You guys look pretty sharp;
all cleaned up and decked out in Ben's new duds. What say we head to
the mall when it opens and get you some clothes of your own and ones
that fit ya right?" Joel winked at Chris.
"No shit?" Chris asked seriously. His face filled instantly
with shock.
"No shit," Joel replied. "You all may be pretty thin, but c'mon
Chris, I can see the waistband of those cargo pants cutting into your
gut even with the t-shirt hiding it. Besides, Ben might want his
underwear back sometime soon."
"You're really going to buy us clothes too, like you did Ben?"
Cody asked.
Joel nodded. "Why wouldn't we? You all need them, don't you?
I also thought we'd stop at a salon a friend of mine owns and see
about getting you guys a haircut or a trim if you are up for it.
They don't open for business until ten and she said that we could
come in early before the rest of the clients show up."
The boys were quiet for a moment then I saw Cleats look at Ben
privately. He turned towards Joel. "That's cool, man, but ... why
you doing this? You don't know us and you don't owe us anything, so
why you doing this? I know you're rich and all, but Ben says you got
a daughter somewhere. Why ain't she here?"
I looked up and paused as I filled Joel's plate. I watched as
Joel nodded slowly. He then rubbed his face thoughtfully. My heart
lurched in pain for him.
Joel looked pointedly at Cleats and then scanned the faces of
each of the other boys.
"I'm doing this because I want to. We both are. We want to
help you guys have a chance to make it. And yes, I have some money
and so does Blair. And that makes it easier to help you, sure -- if
you'll let us. And about my daughter," he turned towards me and
sighed gently, painfully. Our eyes locked briefly and I sent as much
love and support possible, through my gaze, back to him. He turned
to the boys. "Megan died seven weeks ago from Leukemia. She was
twelve, going on thirteen. Probably about your age, Timmy. And I
love her and miss her horribly and all my money couldn't save her."
I watched as his jaws clenched fiercely. He swallowed once and
took a sip from my coffee cup.
"But then Ben decided to introduce himself to us and in the end,
my heart went out to him, to all of you. I thought that maybe my
money could help you guys, where it couldn't help Megan. So I hope
... we hope," he said as I set his plate on the breakfast bar and he
put his arm around my waist, "that you'll accept our help and our
friendship. We don't want anything from you boys, you young men,
other than to see you be happy and healthy kids again. You know ...
have a chance to grow up without having to battle each day on the
streets to survive."
I gave Joel's shoulder a squeeze. The boys sat quietly. Ben
and Chris looked at Joel with intense looks. The rest of them looked
at their plates. Ben's eyes watered slightly.
"Sorry, man." Cleats mumbled.
"Thanks, Cleats." Joel smiled brightly. "So, anyway, I hope
that answers your question. Now I can see there's still a lot of
food in there. You guys can't be done, right?"
Cody grinned at Joel and I winked at Ben who grinned back at me
in return. Mao stood up and gave Joel a quick smile.
"C'mon, fill up your plates again. Blair says you're all too
thin. Then we can go get some haircuts and some clothes. And just
so you know, you don't have to get your hair cut if you don't want
to."
The boys took their plates into the kitchen while Timmy
continued with his second helping. Ben stopped next to us and placed
his hand on Joel's knee.
"I'm sorry about Megan, Fu Man. That really sucks." His voice
was low and serious.
Joel's eyes watered and he blinked twice rapidly. He squeezed
Ben's hand.
"Thanks, Ben." He smiled. "Now go get some more food."
I felt Joel hug me once more and then I joined him at the bar.
Once the boys returned and finished eating, Joel pulled an extra
chair up to the corner of the table between Chris and Cleats.
"This morning, I met with a judge about getting temporary
medical guardianship of you guys. Did Ben tell you?"
Five heads quickly turned towards Joel. I saw Ben wince.
"I forgot, Joel. Sorry."
Joel grinned warmly at him. "No problem, kid."
"Why?" Timmy asked, a brief flash of fear shaded his eyes."
"Well, I know this is all happening very quickly guys, but I'd
hate it if there was an accident or something where you were hurt and
Blair, nor I, could do anything to help because we aren't legally
connected. The legal system is pretty adamant about a lot of stuff
like that. I told my friend the judge, about everything that
happened this weekend and that you'd all come over here voluntarily.
I also told him about our plans to fix up Blair's house and how our
friend Bill has agreed to help with running the place. I know you'll
like him. He spent the last six months with Megan. He's really
incredible. But anyway, the judge said he would grant me temporary
custody of you guys for 30 days without bringing in Social Services."
At the mention of Social Services, Timmy started to cry and Cody
shot to his feet. Mau grabbed Timmy and held him close.
"Why them? I ain't fuckin' going in no home and neither is
Timmy. None of us are."
"Hold on, Cody. No one is going into a foster home. Okay? But
I had to go to the judge because it's on record that I signed Ben out
of jail Friday night. He's a minor. You're all minors in the eyes
of the law. I couldn't prevent them from notifying Social Services
on Saturday about Ben, even though I tried. And I needed to get a
little protection of the courts so that Ben and possibly the rest of
you aren't yanked out of here and thrown into the system."
He looked around at each boy. "I have some pull in this city
and the judge gave me an extra two weeks on top of the normal time to
get things set up, but he wants to meet you and see if this is
something you want before he signs the papers."
"Why can't we stay here?" Cleats asked.
Joel nodded.
I saw Ben's eyes dart to me and he turned his head slightly in
question. His eyes bore into mine as I offered him a tight smile.
"Yeah," began Ben, his eyes remained locked onto mine. "We'll
clean up after ourselves and we won't cause any trouble."
"We just can't be around enough, bud." I said. "We work pretty
long hours when were in Denver and on top of that, we need to go
Chicago and Paris next week for business."
"We can take care of ourselves while you're gone."
Joel broke in. "But that's what we're trying to avoid, Ben --
you guys having to take care of yourselves. I'm not being mean or
unpleasant here, but please, you're just kids and you should have a
place where you can be kids and not worry about having to cook your
own meals or shop for your own food. We are not trying to take away
your freedom, but rather give you a place where you can be together
and safe and secure."
His gaze shifted to Cody. "Cody? I think by your reaction that
you've had a taste of the foster home setting. Am I right?"
Cody nodded and dropped into his chair. "After I first got
here, I got pulled in for truancy and spent four days at these
fuckers's place. They just wanted me to be their slave. I booked.
But Timmy spent a long time in one and put up with all the bullshit."
Joel nodded again and scanned the faces at the table. "That's
why I want to get Blair's place set up for you guys ... so you don't
have to go through all of that. Besides, a high-rise apartment isn't
the best set-up for this. You need to be on the ground level with a
yard and a place outside that isn't all concrete. Plus, Bill is
incredible and I'm sure there will be rules, but realistic ones.
Bill and I already talked about that. And, you'll all be together.
You're already a family of sorts and I want to help keep you that
way. The temporary guardianship is one way to make that happen."
"So you just going to try and dump us off with this Bill guy."
Ben's face flushed with anger. He glared at me, refusing to drop his
eyes from mine as Joel assured him that wasn't the case.
I leaned onto the tabletop and stretched my neck towards him.
"That's not true, Ben. Please believe me. There are just too many
nights when we can't be there for you. But, we'll be around so much
that you'll get sick of us. I promise, Ben, and I keep my promises."
He dropped his eyes, his anger fading. I wanted to grab him
into my arms and hug him tightly. The two of us had experienced a
number of intense moments over the past few days and I knew my
feelings for him were greater than what I felt for the other boys.
"Do you believe me, Ben? Bud?"
He looked up at me with a doleful expression. Then after a
pause, he nodded. I looked at the other boys. "Do you believe what
we're saying here, guys?"
They glanced at each other and gradually, gave us either nods or
grunts. Timmy grabbed my forearm. "You won't let them take me
again, will you?"
I ruffled his hair with my hand then grabbed the back of his
neck gently. "Never, kiddo." I raised my head to the rest of them.
"That goes for all of you. Please give our plan a chance."
There was silence around the table. Joel looked at each boy in
turn. Chris finally spoke up.
"What do you need from us to make the judge happy?"
* * *
"Hey, Bud? Would you mind running to get another cart? I don't
think we can get another scrap of food into this one and we still
haven't made it to the produce section yet."
Ben nodded and turned towards the front of the store. I frowned
as I studied cereal boxes. My mind drifted from the choice of
cereals to Ben's question of a few moments ago. The tightness in my
chest relaxed a bit now that the shock of his request had settled in.
'God. What was Joel going to think about this one?' I mused. 'The
real question is, what do I think of it?'
His question came out of nowhere as we piled numerous cans of
soup into the cart. 'Will you be my guardian instead of Joel?'
I was speechless at first. My mind chased five different
thoughts at once. I wondered if this had been the real reason for
Ben wanting to go grocery shopping with me instead of going to the
mall with Joel and his boys. I also wondered if he was still
somewhat afraid of Joel and my thoughts jumped back to yesterday
morning and his flinch when Joel stood up in surprise, wanting to
assure Ben that he didn't desire him sexually. But the foremost
question that struggled to the front of my thoughts was, 'Why me?'.
I'd responded with telling him that it might complicate things a
bit and then asked him why he didn't want Joel to be his guardian
along with the rest of the guys. He'd shrugged and said that he just
didn't -- he wanted me. His face had instantly formed a scowl when I
asked if he was still a little afraid of Joel, but he simply rolled
his eyes at me and said in a voice full of bravado, 'Not even, dude'.
His response and attitude at the time had brought a brief hint of a
smile to my face, but now I felt more confusion. In the end, I'd
told him that I would be glad to be his guardian as long as it didn't
cause a problem for the other guys with the judge.
So why did I feel so confused? Why was I still frowning? So
many incredible things were happening with and around both Joel and
me. Sometimes I felt so happy that I almost felt guilty. An
incredible man had literally walked into my life two months ago and
loaded it with energy and zest and quiet, intense pleasure --
fulfilling me beyond imagination with possibilities made real. Now,
an astounding occurrence had turned into an amazing and potentially
life-altering reality. I mean ... six kids had entered our life in a
dramatic way two and a half days ago, needing us, and we now had an
appointment in front of a judge to make it legal ... at least for the
next month. It was all so incredible, so right sounding. I didn't
have any doubts about it. So then if everything was so right, so
good ... why did I feel like I was about to lose something? And just
what was it I was about to lose anyway?
"Dude? You okay?"
I turned toward the voice, failing to realize that Ben had
returned with an empty cart. My hand remained stretched out towards
a cereal box as I looked at him blankly.
"You're freakin' me out, man. What's wrong?"
My mind shoved aside the questioning thoughts and my eyes
focused on the blond youth before me. "What? I'm sorry, I was lost
in thought."
"No shit, dude. You've been holding onto that box and staring
off into space since I started down the aisle. Where'd you go?"
I chuckled to myself. "Don't know. I guess it happens at my
advanced age."
"Yeah, you're old, but you're not an old timer yet." He grinned
then nodded towards the cereal box I was holding. "That stuff
sucks."
"Good!" I grinned. "It's horrible for you. Pick some out,
would you?"
The four brands of cereal we ended up with were worse than the
first one I chose. But he assured me the other guys would love them.
We moved to the produce section and finally made it to the check out.
He whistled lowly when the total rang up and shook his head, but
remained silent otherwise.
Once home, we unloaded and put away the food and Ben had a
sandwich and chips. I called Joel to see how the shopping excursion
was progressing and he assured me that it had been years since he'd
had as much fun spending money. He felt that they would still be
another couple of hours and that they would be home in time to change
clothes for the appointment with the judge.
"Ben threw me a curve ball at the store."
"Yeah, kids can do that, Love. What was it?"
"He asked me to be his guardian instead of you and he wouldn't
explain why."
"Are you okay with that?" He asked, his voice quiet with
concern.
"Yeah, I am. Are you?"
"God, yes, Blair. I don't think the judge will have a problem
either."
I nodded to his words. "Okay. Now I just want to understand
why he wants me, but I don't think I'm gonna have much luck with that
one."
Joel laughed. "Me neither, but don't worry about it. If he
wants us to know, we will."
I needed a run and Ben agreed to join me. We made it to the
park and as we circled around the lake, he suggested we check on
Mikey. When we arrived, I was surprised to find that Paul was still
there as well as the professional packers that were almost complete
with boxing up my office. My head swam with the speed in which
things were happening.
Paul's foreman had joined him and they were upstairs discussing
the job. Ben played with Mikey while I spoke with Paul. His
projected timeframe for completing the job stunned me. He was
confident that by the end of the following week that Bill and the
boys would be able to move in.
"Paul? Are you sure? How can that be? It's already Monday
afternoon and you said that you wouldn't be able to pull the permits
until Thursday. That leaves you a little over a week to do
everything and the movers won't be here until sometime tomorrow."
His chuckle and grin made me feel like I didn't know the whole
story. "I understand from Joel that the two of you have been
together for a fairly short time, right?"
I nodded, wondering what that fact had to do with anything. "A
little over a month."
"I've known and worked with Joel for over ten years. Each time
that he has a project for me and my crew, he gets my full attention.
And that's not because he's rich, but because he's an exceptional
client and friend. Only once before over the past ten years has he
said that he needed a job done yesterday and never before has he
asked me to consider a job for him to be the most important thing on
our schedule."
I saw blatant admiration and respect on Paul's face. Joel had
told me that Paul was a good friend and a great contractor and I
chuckled to myself as I realized that by now I should be used to the
idea that people put out incredible effort for Joel because they
wanted to. It had only a little bit to do with the fact that he was
rich and it had everything to do with the fact that people loved him.
My frown began to rise into a grin.
"So you're going to work a miracle, huh?"
Paul shrugged. "I don't know if it warrants 'miracle' status,
but the movers will have the furniture out of here by nine tomorrow
morning and we'll have the carpet ripped up and dust containment
barriers in place by ten. I'm going to have four guys here in
addition to my foreman and myself. We've just completed a list of
supplies, fixtures and finishing items needed for my assistant to
begin gathering. I'm not guaranteeing that the new bathroom on the
third floor will be fully finished by next Friday, but Joel assured
me that that wouldn't be a problem. The only tricky part will be
installing the two new dormers in the roof. The weather might put us
in a little bit of a bind. "
I shook my head slowly in amazement. "Well, Ben and I just ran
over here and it's already well into the mid-50s temp-wise and the
snow is almost gone. So, hopefully, this trend will continue."
"Yeah," Paul nodded. "This week looks pretty clear, but it's
spring time in Colorado. Who really knows what's going to happen
weather-wise."
I grinned.
I heard footstep on the steps behind us and saw Ben looking
around the corner from the top of the stairs.
"Hey, Ben. This is the architect and contractor. His name is
Paul."
They shook hands and I excused us and showed Ben the three
upstairs bedrooms. His suddenly quiet mood surprised me. He said he
didn't care which room was his and Cody's and that he figured that
Timmy would want to be in with the two of them anyway. He nodded
when I suggested that the three of them then take the master bedroom.
He mumbled something about that Chris would like a room to himself
since he was the oldest. Then he asked if we could go.
He was unusually quiet on the run back to the apartment and went
into the media room when we arrived. Joel and the rest of the guys
arrived soon after and Ben appeared to pull from his quiet mood.
Excited and laughing, the boys began showing Ben the clothes and
shoes Joel had bought them. He laughed at their story of how Joel
failed miserably to get through the first level on some computer game
and he looked towards Joel with a cocked eye and a sideways grin when
Joel said that the boys assured him that Ben was the master of the
game. But his face exploded with excitement and awe when Joel pulled
a new X-Box system from a bag along with the game. His excitement
spread as I head Cody and Cleats swear that Joel 'ruled'. The
clothes, instantly forgotten, lay spread around the room as the
younger boys began to setup the surprise gift.
Chris gathered his bags and again thanked Joel.
"You spent thousands of dollars on us, Joel. I can't believe it
still."
Joel offered a smile and his hand to Chris, but it was ignored.
Chris hugged Joel tightly and when he released him, I saw his eyes
were filled with tears.
"I can't ... thank you enough, both of you," he said gesturing
towards us with his hands. "I've been out there since October and
while I hadn't given up yet," quiet tears rolled down his cheeks, "I
... didn't know how much more I could take." A shudder caught his
voice as his softly spoken words finished.
His shoulders shook with emotion and after a quick glance
towards Joel, we guided him from the media room and into the study
across the hall. Chris dropped onto the couch and cried into his
hands. Joel and I sat on either side of him and Joel hugged him
tightly.
"You know," Chris began, wiping his nose on the back of his
hand, "I just like sex and have since I could get it up. And I liked
sex with my coach a lot! But I never, ever dreamed that it would all
lead to this. He was such a great guy and now he's on probation for
ten years and has a sex offender label that will be with him for the
rest of his life for contributing to the delinquency of a minor.
What bullshit. I seduced him. Now his life is ruined along with
mine. He wasn't the bad guy, I was. He kept trying to get me to
wait until I was eighteen, but I wouldn't listen. I had to have
him."
His anger and pain and self-hate poured from him. Joel removed
his arm and squeezed his shoulder. Chris swept his hair back with
his hands and grimly shook his head. "And because I fucked up so
badly, I've had to live off of what I could get first for my car,
which was nothing, and then from strangers and ...." His voice
dropped to a whisper. "And what I could get for my body."
Joel and I looked at each other over the top of Chris' bowed
head. I closed my eyes as fear settled into my thoughts. "Chris?
Have you always been safe with other guys?"
He turned and looked at me with his bloodshot eyes that
confirmed my fears. "You know, I tried," he replied, dropping his
eyes. "But you do the math. When the fuckers are waving an extra
twenty in front of me, well ... fuck, it meant me and my boys could
eat again."
"How often, Chris?" Joel asked.
He shrugged and sat back against the cushion. He sighed
heavily. "I don't know, maybe ten or fifteen times."
"I need to know, Chris," I began, "did you engage in unprotected
receptive anal intercourse?"
"What?" He asked with a confused look. "You mean did any guy
fuck me without a rubber?"
I nodded.
He grunted and smirked. "Yeah. Three or four times. This one
guy was always in a suit. He fucked me three times and I'm not
really worried about him, but the first guy was total shit. He
promised me a sleeping bag sometime around Christmas last year. He
fucked me hard and after he got off in me, he started undressing and
trying to say I needed to let him do it again if I wanted the bag.
That was when I saw that his arms were fucking covered with track
marks. I was so fucking scared all of a sudden. I punched him hard
and grabbed the sleeping bag and ran for it."
Chris sat up again and rubbed his face anxiously. His sigh was
heart wrenching. "Fuck!" He hissed.
"I take it you never got tested?"
He shook his head. "I went the next day, but they told me it
was too soon to know and to come back in three months. I never went
back."
"And that was the extent of the times you barebacked?"
He hung his head and sighed again. "Yeah, with strangers."
"What do you mean, Chris?" My heart began to beat fiercely as
my mind instantly understood the implications in what he hadn't said.
Chris covered his face with his hands. "Cody's as much of a
fuckin' horndog as I am and we got drunk one night a month or so ago
and started going at it. He wanted me to fuck him and I knew I
couldn't. So I figured it'd be pretty safe if he fucked me."
"Fuck, Chris," I moaned. "Barebacking isn't safe period. You
gotta know that. You're a smart guy. I can see it in your eyes."
"I know, all right!" He flared. "Cody doesn't know if he's
clean either, okay? Fuck. I know! But ... you know it's all just
shit out there and I knew it wasn't going to end. Cody knew it too.
So did Ben. The three of us knew that we were fucking going to be on
the streets for good. No one would give us a job. Cleats, man ...
he always has a plan and who the fuck knows about Mau. He still
doesn't fucking talk to us after fucking two months. But Cody and me
and Ben know what's real and ... and you just kind of give into all
the shit. I was fucking going to be the fucking Salutatorian of my
goddamn class! I was the fucking class president, and now ...." His
words tumbled into silence as tears flooded his eyes again.
I pulled the hair back that was hanging down in his face and
tucked it behind his ear. Joel dropped to his knees in front of
Chris as I continued to stroke his hair. Joel grabbed his hand and
forced Chris to look at him.
"And now, what, Chris?" Joel asked tenderly.
Chris' body convulsed with new tears and pain. "And now it's
just all for shit ... and I'm ready to fucking give up and then you
guys come along and ..." his body convulsed with shame and pain. He
launched into Joel's arms and released the sobs that he'd held back
for so many, many months. My eyes overflowed as I saw this big,
strong young man crying out all the pain and frustration and loss ...
and god, such incredible shame at what he'd been forced to do.
Joel held him tightly to his chest as Chris cried out loud.
Joel's soft, soothing voice repeatedly whispered into Chris'
ear. "It's okay, son. It's all going to be okay. You're safe now,
son. We're not going to let anything happen to you again, okay?
You're going to be all right."
Chris' sobs continued and Joel continued to comfort him. I
heard the study door open and turned to see Ben standing in the
doorway watching us. I waved him over and mouthed the words that
Chris will be okay. Ben dropped to his knees next to Joel as his
hand took the place of my own on Chris' head.
"Hey, Chrissy, it's all okay now, bro. We're all going to be
okay now."
Chris lifted his head from Joel's shoulder. His tear stained
face was wracked with pain. He moved partially from Joel's arms and
placed his face next to Ben's. "I know," he said nodding, his voice
still loaded with emotion. "I know, Bone. We're out of that fuckin'
hellhole somehow."
Ben's head nodded repeatedly as he pressed Chris' head tighter
against his own. Chris pulled back from Ben and slid down against
the couch on the floor. Joel sat back on his heels.
Chris cleared his throat. "I ... I ..." he swallowed once.
"I'm so sorry to have lost it like that. It just was all too much."
He sniffed loudly trying to clear his nose and Joel pulled a
handkerchief from his pocket. Chris took it and blew his nose then
wiped his face.
"I didn't believe that you guys were really for real. I just
assumed you'd be wanting my ass and all the rest of theirs. But I
figured it would get us out of that fucking falling down dump and I
thought I could protect them by giving you my ass. I mean, hell, you
guys are a couple of studs."
Ben snorted. "You so fucking easy, man."
Chris laughed as Joel and I grinned.
"Well, thanks for the compliment, Chris, but you just keep your
ass to yourself for a while, all right?"
Chris nodded. "Yes, I will ... and thanks."
Joel grinned. "We need to get everyone cleaned up to go see the
judge. You still up for that, guys?"
Chris smiled widely, but Ben looked to the floor. Joel noticed.
"Ben?
Ben raised his head to look at Joel. His eyes held worry and
uncertainty.
"Ben, you just tell the judge what you want, okay. And don't
worry about it screwing anything up, all right?"
Ben turned to me with a surprised smile and then turned back to
Joel and nodded.
* * *
"I believe that each of you actually do realize the chance you
are being given," the stern voice of the judge filled the room that
housed his chambers. His serious face slowly broke into a smile.
"And it pleases the shit out of me that you trust my good buddy, Joel
and his ...," the judge's steel grey eyes flicked towards me briefly,
"his partner, Blair. Joel is one of the best men I know and if
you'll let him, I'm sure that in spite of the shit you've had thrown
your way, with his and Blair's help, you'll be on your way to a hell
of a much brighter future."
The boys looked at each other sideways as they heard the swear
words readily spouted by the judge. I grinned. Joel had warned me
that his friend, Steven Chambers, was the type of judge that spoke
what was on his mind.
"Now," Chambers continued, "I need a confirmation that all of
you want Joel to be your Guardian ad Lidum for the next 30 days.
This means that he will be responsible for your health and welfare
and be able to make decisions in your name and in your best
interests. A simple nod will do."
The boys nodded, but remained silent. Ben turned to me with a
questioning look. I smiled at him and tipped my chin towards the
judge. Ben took a deep breath and stepped forward.
"Uh, sir?"
Chambers looked at him over the top of his glasses. "Yes?
You're Ben, right? The one that started all of this."
Ben nodded. "Um, I want Blair to be my guardian ad ... um,
thing. There's nothing wrong with the Fu Man, but I just want Blair
and he said it was okay. So did Fu Man ... I mean Joel."
I chuckled quietly at Ben's name for Joel and heard Joel do the
same. Judge Chambers narrowed his gaze and his face dropped into a
scowl.
"You're not trying to do this to cause me any more trouble, are
you? I'm already late for my date with a Scotch and soda."
"Uh, no sir. It's just the way I want it."
Chambers nodded. "Well, that's fine then, lad. I had Blair
checked out after Joel talked to me this morning and he seems to be
on the up and up." Chambers nodded at me. Joel laughed outright.
"And you two look enough alike for people to mistake him for your
father."
I watched as Ben's face beamed when he heard that. A smile of
my own covered my face.
"So then," Chambers continued. "If that's all you young men
need of me right now, I'll let you go and plan on seeing you in one
month. Now why don't you all go eat something? You're way too
thin."
Joel laughed again and stood to shake his friend's hand. I
followed and the boys took their turns.
Joel remained behind briefly to have a couple of private words
with his friend while we made our way out to the street. I watched
as the boys huddled together in private. I saw a number of heads nod
and then they turned to me as Joel joined us.
Chris spoke first. "This means a lot to all of us, you guys.
And we wanted to say thanks, formally."
"Well, you're welcome, formally." Joel said. "Why don't we
head back to the apartment and watch a movie or you can show me that
damned game I suck so badly at. Then I thought that later on we'd
all go down to the restaurant and have a little celebration dinner."
Ben nodded, but I noticed he didn't smile. "That sounds good,
but ... uh, since we're right here near where we used to hang, we
wanted to go check out the place to see if Mauricio is back."
Joel looked at Ben as he pursed his lips. "Do you all need to
go? Can't just like Chris and Cleats go? I know you're all used to
being out here, but now you've got two guys that are going to worry
quite a bit when we know you're out on the streets. And since
they're the oldest, I'd feel a little better about it."
The boys looked at each other and I saw silent nods around.
"Okay." Ben replied. "We're just not used to that ... stuff."
"All right," Joel said then turned to Cleats and Chris. "Can
you guys get back to the apartment by like seven? I kinda figure
that if you don't find him you'll want to check around a bit."
"That's cool, Daddy-o," Cleats said. The boys laughed. "And
don't you worry your pretty little heads about us. We'll be chill,
okay?" He tilted his head back to try and look cool as Chris winked
at us.
I shook my head humorously in resignation. "Yeah, you be chill,
Cleats. And call us if there's any problem. You've still got my
card, right?"
They nodded. Joel pulled his cell phone from its holder on his
belt and handed it to Cleats. "Don't lose it, or I may have to kung
fu you!" He smiled and hopped onto one leg, raising the other leg
and both arms in attack position. "Waaaaaaa!"
The boys burst into laughter, cheering Joel on. Cleats smiled
widely.
* * *
The clock next to the bed read 1:15 and I looked down at Joel's
sleeping form. I gently stroked his hair as I leaned against the
headboard. Our lovemaking earlier was intensely passionate and
exuberant with Joel asking me to take him a second time shortly after
our first, blinding climax. He said he'd thought about me pounding
into him throughout the entire day and when he asked for it the
second time after bringing me back to raging hardness with his mouth,
I more than happily complied. As we lay spent next to each other,
he'd murmured that he would now sleep like an infant after his
feeding.
My dick twitched at the memory, but my mind quickly returned to
the thoughts I had of the boys -- the same thoughts that had kept me
awake for the past two hours. I saw in my mind and felt again in my
heart, the disappointment the guys tried not to show when Cleats and
Chris had returned around seven with no news of Mauricio. They'd
asked a number of people if they'd seen him, but no one had. I could
tell they were extremely worried. This was just another thing to add
to their troubled lives and I was overwhelmed with feelings of the
unfair nature of it all. I felt like we had to try and do something
to find Mauricio and yet the list of things to take care of already
seemed enormous.
I recognized that only a few short days had actually passed
since everything had started and with the guardianship taken care of
along with a decent start on some clothing, I could relax about a few
things. But Chris' admission of his unsafe sexual activities with
strangers -- and with Cody -- had my stomach twisting with worry.
Joel had called Megan's doctor while the boys were getting ready for
the appointment with Judge Chambers at the courthouse. The doctor
had agreed to have his nurse come by the apartment in the morning to
begin the process of building a medical history file on each of them
along with taking blood and urine samples. He was also going to have
the nurse take genital cultures for subsequent STD testing. Joel
assured me that if any of the boys had a sexually transmitted disease
that we would do everything possible to clear it up immediately. And
his hug assured me that if either Chris or Cody were HIV positive
that we would find a way to deal with that also.
But that hug had been hours ago and now I was again worried. My
thoughts also focused on needing to begin the process of checking
into school for the boys. I wasn't going to push the issue this
week, deciding that they needed some adjustment time, but the judge
had made it clear to the boys and us, that this was a condition of
his granting temporary guardianship. It had been in the back of my
mind, but now it vied for attention in my thoughts -- along with many
other equally important and pressing concerns.
Like what had happened to Mau to cause him to stop talking? He
adamantly had refused to speak to Joel or me, or any of the boys,
when we tried to get his real name from him. Fear had filled his
eyes and yet I had sensed that he wasn't afraid of us, but more so of
something that had happened to him in the past -- something that he
was still afraid was going to him happen again. Chambers hadn't
pushed the issue because Joel had assured him that he would have Bill
begin working with Mau. But what Joel hadn't shared was that Bill
felt it best for a female associate of his to see Mau in light of his
very real fear of other men.
Chambers had also relaxed a bit on his initial insistence that
we provide contact information to the courts for the boy's parents.
He wanted them brought before his bench to answer for their actions.
Granted, there was no one to contact for Timmy or Mau, but Joel's
argument with his friend the judge, had centered on Bill's
recommendation that we allow the boys to settle in first and become
more secure and trusting in their new environment.
The list was seemingly endless with equally important things
that had to be dealt with immediately. I looked again at Joel and
wondered just how many of these things he'd already processed in his
constantly working mind.
The ringing of my cell phone pulled me abruptly from my
thoughts. I slipped out of bed and crossed the room quickly to the
wall table near the door. I answered just as the second ring
started.
"Hello?" My greeting came out as a question. Who would be
calling at such a late hour?
I received no answer to my greeting. Instead of a voice, I
heard what sounded like road traffic and nighttime street sounds
coming from a pay phone on a thoroughfare somewhere.
"Who is this?" I asked.
A raspy, deep voice growled at me. "It don't matter who this
is, brutha. Let me talk to Cleats."
"What's this about? He's been asleep for hours."
The voice roared at me in response. "Just wake his ass up!"
"Hold on." I growled in return. "I'll get him."
I felt Joel's touch on my arm and shrugged at him. "Some guy
demanding that I wake Cleats up."
I quickly grabbed my discarded pair of white boxer briefs and
pulled them on as I headed towards the boy's room.
The door stood partially open and the hallway light that I'd
turned on dimly lit the room. I moved towards Cleats' spot on the
mattress next to Mau and gently shook his shoulder.
"Cleats. Wake up. Some guy says he has to talk to you."
Cleats woke up immediately upon hearing my voice, as did Ben
from his bed. They both sat up and Cleats rubbed his face with his
hand before taking the phone. I felt Joel kneel on the floor beside
me, having pulled on his own underwear after I left our bedroom.
"Yeah, this is Cleats. Who the fuck is this?" He listened
briefly then snapped his head in Ben's direction. He stared wide-
eyed at Ben. "When?" His shoulders slumped. "Where'd they find
him?" I saw Ben close his eyes and sigh.
Cleats' voice rose into a muffled shout. "That's bullshit man
and you know it!" The rest of the boys woke up with Cleat's yell.
"Yeah, well it's bullshit and I want you to tell 'em that too, man."
He nodded once. "Aiight. Thanks, man. Yeah. Later."
He closed the phone and looked at Ben then Cody. "That was
Ranus. He went looking for us at the crib and found our note and
Blair's card. Mauricio's dead. The cops are saying he O.D.'d."
Again. Not The End.
Comments are appreciated. dfilchak@qwest.net