Date: Sun, 11 Apr 2004 19:13:40 -0600
From: Drew Filchak <dfilchak@qwest.net>
Subject: Reservations: Appointments

Authors Note:  This story seems to insist on fighting for life.
There's always the 'Possibility' of more.


Appointments
A Continuation of the Reservation Series

By Drew Filchak



     "Will you move in with me?"
     Joel's words caused me to jerk in surprise.  I snapped my head
to the left and stared at the face of my lover sitting next to me.
The light pouring through the airplane's window illuminated his face
casting shadows that made his features indistinct.  His eyes were
clearly visible though as they penetrated my startled thoughts.
Intense longing and certainty overcast with nervousness poured across
the small distance between our eyes.  I closed my mouth and swallowed
before I responded.
     "No."
     The gleam slowly faded from his eyes.  The slight upturn of his
lips lowered and his face settled into a sober display of confusion.
Hurt followed.  I saw that my one-word dismissal of his proposal both
hurt and unsettled him, but my response was borne from my instinctual
desire to protect him ... protect us.
     He didn't know what he was asking or maybe I felt that he
couldn't know what he was asking.  Not yet, not after only two weeks.
I was certain of this, though there had been the confusing exchange a
week earlier between his friend Marco and himself after we landed at
De Gaulle Airport.
     My French is pretty rusty, but I picked up more than I think
Joel had planned on.  The few words of explanation and affirmation to
Marco that I understood after he introduced me as his lover rang
again in my thoughts.
     'Yes, I am certain ...', then something about '... happier' ...
and  '... for good ...'.
     I could accept that he was convinced that this is what he
wanted, but a part of me knew with certainty that once we actually
settled into real life after the whirlwind of our fairytale first two
weeks, he would see that he was making an enormous life change.
Then, instinctively he was going to hit the brakes and possibly even
pull back from me a bit.  I wasn't actually worried that he would
want to split up or anything.  My heart wouldn't allow for that
possibility. Still, I knew that he was going to have to 'come up for
air' one day soon and when that happened, he would need space for
himself -- space in which to reconcile the sudden reality that he was
involved sexually and emotionally with another man.
     I may have realized all of this, but he certainly hadn't.  I
knew that I had to say something more to him now, give him more of an
explanation.  The crushed look on his face stabbed me like daggers
into my heart.
     "You know that I already love you beyond anything I've ever
known before in my life?  You know this, right?"  I whispered lowly,
lovingly, as I touched his cheek with my fingertips.  His eyes
searched mine, striving to find some explanation for my profession of
love after my hasty rejection.  His silent stare compelled me onward.
     "I'm not rejecting you, Joel.  You gotta know that.  My decision
to not move in with you has absolutely no bearing on all of the love
I have for you.  None at all, okay?"  I searched his face for some
indication that he believed what I was saying.  He wet his lips
briefly and blinked, but continued to stare at me as if he were lost
somewhere in his own private thoughts.
     I suddenly found myself desperate to know what he was thinking.
     "I know that we've been extremely ... " I gave my head a quick
shake,  "no, not extremely ... more ... we've been growing
increasingly intense since our first night together.  I mean it's
actually been beyond perfect for me, but you've never been with a man
before, Joel.  And you don't talk about it.  I don't even know if you
think about it."  His eyebrow arched in response to my words and I
instantly regretted my choice of words.
     I blinked my eyes shut tightly and rubbed my face to clear my
thoughts.  I glanced quickly past him through the window and briefly
studied the endless blanket of the Atlantic miles below us.
     I'd probably just insulted him.  After all, he was enormously
successful in business and he didn't get that way without thinking
out very carefully each decision he made.  But this was a decision of
the heart and he'd already admitted to me that hadn't made any of
those kinds of decisions in years.
     'Use some balls, Blair', I mused. I needed to stop trying to
talk around the real issue for my rejection of his proposal.
     "Look, Joel," I started, encountering a slight scowl as I
brought my gaze back to meet his.  I swallowed, and then continued.
"I'm really afraid that very soon, you're going to realize that
you're in a gay relationship and it's going to freak you out and
you're going to want or maybe need some breathing room."
     I watched his eyes darken as he absorbed my words.  The look
unsettled me, but I needed to get everything out on the table.  "And
if I'm already living with you and working with you ... basically
spending all of our waking and non-waking hours together, I'm afraid
it will all be too much for you.  I'm just not willing to risk what
we have.  In the end, this really isn't Camelot, it's real life."
     His eyes flared at my last words.
     "Whoa.  Enough!" he whispered forcefully.  He opened his mouth
to continue, but stopped himself with a deep breath.  Then he
surprised me as he unclasped his seatbelt and began to cross in front
of me to the aisle.  Panic seized me.  Were my thoughts so
irrational, so wrong?
     "Joel?!"  My voice crested above the low din of the plane's
engines.  The four other people in the First Class cabin glanced
towards us in question.
     Joel's hand flashed a halting gesture as his eyes shot me a firm
look meant to stop any further questions.  He stepped to the rear of
the cabin and entered the galley that separated First Class from
Connoisseur Class.  I watched him disappear and was again overcome
with panic.
     Had I gone too far?  I couldn't see that I had, but the flash of
anger that I'd seen in his eyes as he stood up, told me something
different.  I sat, turned in my seat with my eyes fixed on the
galley's entrance.  Stunned, my thoughts flashed to three days
earlier and our walk through the vineyards surrounding Bordeaux.


     The morning air still held the tinged remnants of the prior
night's chill.  I smelled it on the breeze and felt it creep through
the weave of my sweater.  I snuggled a little closer to Joel as we
continued our walk amongst the newly awakened vines.  I felt happy
and utterly content as we strolled, arms nestled around each other --
mine around Joel's slender waist, his around my broad shoulders.
     "I love it here, Joel.  I can just imagine how beautiful it is
when the vines are in full leaf and clustered with ripe grapes."
     He pulled me tightly to him, his lips grazing my temple.
"You're right, it's very beautiful just prior to the harvest.  I
brought Megan here last summer so that she could see the place where
some of last pictures were taken of Marissa and me.   Megan loved it
here as much as her mother did."
     I stopped walking and loosely encircled his waist with my arms.
"How are you doing with being here?  The memories must be so
painful."
     He looked into my eyes from his normal place, four inches above
me.  I expected to see regret and pain in his brown depths, but
instead, a gentle and loving peacefulness flowed back to me.
     "No, no pain," he said, brushing his lips against mine.  "I miss
them both incredibly, but at least with Megan I had time to prepare
myself.  So, right now, there's no pain.  How could I feel pain when
I'm looking into the bluest eyes on the planet?   Eyes that are
literally overflowing with love for me."
     I sighed as I felt my knees weaken.  The whirlwind of emotions
and changes that had shaped our past ten or eleven days continued to
encircle us in its protective walls.
     My words surfaced as a moan.  "My god, Joel.  Some of the things
that come out of your mouth at times make me absolutely weak-kneed.
I'm used to being the aggressive one, in control -- doing the wooing.
If any of my ... uh ... previous conquests could see me now, they'd
be certain that I'd been taken over by aliens."
     He grinned at me and winked.
     "See!" I continued, my voice rising in emphasis.  "All it takes
is a simple wink from you and I'd do damn near anything you asked.
     He laughed lowly.  "Oh, I don't know.  You were pretty
aggressive in bed last night.  I'm surprised I can even walk this
morning!"  He growled as I kissed him.
     "I could say the same thing," I laughed.  "If you recall, I
wasn't the only aggressive one.  I'm surprised you didn't pound me
through the sheets and send feathers flying everywhere."
     "Yes, you could say the same thing, but god, Joel ... the way
you take my cock, I can tell that you've had a hell of a lot more
practice than I've had.  I'm actually a little sore this morning.  A
good sore, but still..."
     I grinned, interrupting him.  "Well, sorry about that, my love.
But for a novice, you sure do seem to like it an awful lot."
     He smiled and kissed me.  "I like you an awful lot."
     I sighed again in his arms, content.  Being with Joel soothed me
and stimulated me equally.  "So you're okay with being here, then?
With me?"
     "Oh yeah, lover.  Especially with you.  I've missed my family so
much and seemingly for so long, but now you're here, wonderfully
patching the whole in my heart that, for a time, I was certain would
never close."  He kissed me deeply.  I felt myself let go, my doubt
dissolved in his strong arms.  His kiss caused my heart to soar and
as we pulled apart, panting for breath, my mind sought for final
resolution.
     "So you don't think we're moving too fast, getting too intense,
too quickly?"
     He pulled his head back to look at me.  A questioning look
covered his features.  "No, not at all.  What makes you say that?"
     I shrugged slightly.  "Oh, I just wanted to be sure that you
were okay with everything.  We've both had a lot of changes lately
and I want you to know that we can slow things down a bit if you need
to."
     "Slow things down?  Blair, I'm ready to rev things up another
notch between us.  You're okay with that aren't you?"
     I kissed him in reply, pouring all of my excitement into the
kiss.  I had to trust that he would tell me if he wasn't okay with
things.  I just wanted him to be sure.


     I never expected that for Joel revving things up meant moving in
together.  We'd only known each other two short weeks.  I thought
again about my nagging fears that he would suddenly wake up and start
to question what we were doing together.  Rationally, I could see
that I needed to trust him to watch out for both of us in the same
way that I did, but I didn't want him to blindly do anything, out of
new-love and passion, that he'd regret.  I know I would have survived
being apart from him, but the amazing thing was, after only two
weeks, I couldn't even image trying.
     So I sat there for five interminable minutes.  Finally, Joel
reappeared followed by a flight attendant.  She pushed a cart, draped
with a white tablecloth, towards our seats.  My eyes returned to
Joel, his face set with determination.  Confused, I glanced again at
the cart as it stopped next to me in the aisle.  A bottle of Dom
Perignon sat in an empty ice bucket, wrapped in a white napkin.  Two
champagne flutes stood empty next to it.  A stunning but simple, long-
stemmed, burnished red rose lay across the top of the cart.
     Bewildered, I looked up to Joel's face again.  His firm, strong
jaw remained clenched, his lips pursed tightly.  Then he grabbed the
rose from the table and dropped to one knee before me.
     His first words trembled with emotion.
     "I know that you're a man.  I've known and accepted that fact
since our first night together two weeks ago.  I've thought a lot
about it and it's possible that I've been in the proverbial closet
for my entire life.  That doesn't matter.   But I know for certain
that I've only loved one other person like I love you -- with the
totality of my entire being.  And I married her."
     My eyes opened wide as his words struck me squarely through my
heart. It beat furiously in my chest.  He held the rose to my face.
Automatically, I breathed in its scent.  My gaping, startled eyes
were locked onto Joel's, held frozen by the intensity of his gaze.  I
took the rose from his hand as he reached into his pocket and brought
out a small box covered in rich, burgundy-colored silk.  My head
snapped back to stare at him as my hand flew to my mouth in surprise
and astonishment.
     He held the box up between us and smiled.  "I'm now asking you
the same thing.  My love, my Lancelot ... I never dreamed that I
would say these words again, but ... I love you, utterly.  Would you
spend the rest of your life with me and make my dream of Camelot in
its truest form, our shared reality?"
     His face showed all possible intensity and love ever known to
mankind and, as the universe paused, waiting for my reply, the last
shred of my doubt vanished from my mind.  My head began to nod
slowly.   From the depths of my soul and in a breathless, staggered
whisper, I gasped.
     "Oh ... my sweet Arthur.  We must be insane, but I couldn't want
it any other way."
     I heard a gasp and slight cry from somewhere behind me.   It
held no meaning though as I watched tears form in Joel's eyes.  I
mouthed the words 'I love you' as the memory flashed before me of his
sudden, bright smile the night two weeks earlier when I accepted his
invitation to join him at his table.  Now it seemed as though, that
night, we accepted each other's invitation for so much more.
     I watched as his hands opened the box.  A flash of light
sparkled briefly in my eyes.  The box contained two rings made of
polished white gold.  Encased within the wide band of each ring was
set a long, slender emerald cut canary diamond.  Their simplicity and
beauty overwhelmed me and my mouth fell open in astonishment.  I
quickly looked into Joel's twinkling eyes.  His grin of pleasure
caused my breath to catch in my lungs.   I heard another gasp from
behind my left shoulder and reflexively glanced behind me.
     The flight attendant stood with her hand over her mouth and her
eyes opened widely.  Two of her co-workers stood behind her,
watching.  Our eyes met briefly and I gave her a quick, dazed smile,
then turned back to Joel as I felt his hand grab my own.  He slipped
the first ring onto my finger, and then with a slight tremble, held
the box towards me.
     I gazed momentarily at my ring and with my own shaky hands, took
the second ring from the box, slipping it onto his matching finger.
His smile illuminated the cabin and with an explosion of emotion that
started from deep within me, I launched myself into his arms, nearly
toppling him from his kneeling position.  Our lips crushed together
in a brief, passionate kiss before I pulled from him, gushing
laughter.
     "I love you so much, Joel.  I can't believe how lucky I am.
This is so insane, so wonderful!"   I pulled him to me for another
quick kiss gasping as he buried his face in my chest and sighed
deeply.
     To my utter amazement, I heard applause surround us.  I looked
up to see the four passengers and the flight attendants clapping.  My
happiness overflowed and my face beamed in sheer delight.
     "Oh my god!  What a spectacle!"  I laughed.  The passengers
across the aisle and one row back from us laughed with me.  The man
in the aisle seat grabbed the hand of the woman sitting next to him
and brought it to his lips.  Like his, her eyes gleamed bright with
emotion.
     Joel raised his head from my chest as the man's deep and heavily
accented bass voice rolled across the aisle towards us.
"Congratulations, gentlemen.  I must say, your little scene even
choked me up a bit."
     Shared laughter brightened the cabin as Joel pulled me to my
feet and directed us in a slight, humorous bow.  Our laughter was
interrupted by the arrival of the captain into our cabin.  His smile
greeted us and with a flowing, Parisian accent he offered his words
and hand in congratulations.  The sound of two corks popping in
almost simultaneous rhythm caused another round of applause.  Our
attendant poured the Dom Perignon into our glasses as a second
attendant filled a tray of glasses with the plane's standard fare.
The captain raised his glass in toast to us, seconded by the other
passengers and attendants.
     Glowing, Joel and I took our seats, our hands clasped firmly
together.  The captain leaned towards us slightly as he placed his
hand on the seatback behind my head.
     "It is a pleasure and an honour, Mr. Summers, that you chose our
flight to celebrate such a significant occasion.  I wish you both the
best."  He took a small sip from his glass, then after handing it to
the attendant, bowed slightly toward us and returned to the cockpit.
     I turned toward Joel and caught a devilish look staring back at
me.  He smiled widely.
     "Now.  What were you saying about my freaking out because you're
a man or my needing breathing room?"  His eyebrow arched quizzically.
     My laughter spilled forth from me, bubbling with uncontained
happiness.  Joel joined me as he grasped my hand tighter.  "You
couldn't have given me a better set-up if you'd tried, my love."
     My grin widened in amazement as I shook my head repeatedly.
While I no longer had any doubt about Joel's feelings or future
intentions, questions suddenly filled my mind.
     "Please, Joel. Answer a couple of questions for me, will you?"
     He nodded once as if he expected my queries.  "You want to know
how I set this all up, right?"
     Amazed, but not really surprised, I nodded in return.
     "Well the 'how' was very easy.  Rob handled the champagne and
rose, but you probably already figured that one out.  But the rings
were my doing.  Well, actually," he grinned sheepishly, "they were my
idea, but Marco handled it for me.  His wife is a jeweler and
craftsman.  She actually made them for us based on my design.
Christiane was quite upset when we left Paris so soon after
arriving."
     I tossed my head in feigned, impish surprise.  "Is there
anything that you can't get people to do for you?  You're amazing,
but then you already know that don't you?"
     He shrugged diffidently and I watched as a sudden shadow crossed
his face.  In a lowered voice he brought the absurdity inherent in my
question crashing back towards me.  "I couldn't get the doctors to
save Megan."
     My heart lurched into my stomach.  I reached to cup his cheek in
my hand.  "I'm so sorry, lover.  I sometimes forget that for you,
Megan is always just a thought from the front of your mind."
      He smiled into my hand and rolled his lips to kiss my palm.
"Please, Blair.  Don't ever apologize for that.  Your love and your
presence in my life allow me to feel safe and secure enough to think
about her.  She was my angel and because of you I can now think of
her without the deep, cutting pain that I'd been living with."  He
brought my hand to his lips, still clasped in his own and kissed it
tenderly.
     "She would have liked you so much.  I miss her ... and find
myself longing to be able to watch her grown up.  I think that is
what I will miss the most ... experiencing the joy and wonder of
watching a child mature through adolescence, the teenage years and
finally into adulthood.  It's a precious gift, Blair and one I was
greatly looking forward to."  He kissed my hand one last time as I
pulled it from his cheek then squeezed his eyes shut tightly and
sighed.
     Upon opening them, he again turned his mischievous glance on me.
"Now, you said you had a few questions for me."
     I grinned with a quick nod.  "When?  You couldn't have had those
rings made in the short time we were in France, so what's your story
on that one?"
     He smirked playfully and shrugged.  "That was my second call
from the plane after I spoke with Sampson.  I actually woke Marco and
Christiane up a little early that day.  But then, what are friends
for, right? Christiane pulled off a miracle."  He flashed me a wide
grin.  "And you don't honestly think that Marco was just dying to see
us off earlier, do you?  He slipped the rings into my pocket when he
hugged me in goodbye."
     Suddenly, I realized that the word 'astonished' wasn't accurate
enough to describe what I was feeling in that moment.   The
implications inherent in his words were staggering.  I sat frozen in
stunned, incredulous shock as I realized what they meant.  From the
point of his vision in the boardroom two weeks earlier and only 36
hours since our first dinner, he knew and planned with certainty that
we would eventually arrive at this exact point in time.  His
confidence and surety in the end result completely discounted the
enormity of the variables tied to his goal.  There was no certainty
that I would join him in the business world, nor that I would join
him in Paris and certainly not that I would accept his proposal of
marriage.
     I turned to him numbed with realization.  "You never once
doubted even the slightest aspect of your plan, did you?"  I gasped
my question at him.  He shrugged and gave me a tight, small smile.
"You never doubted me, did you?  You never doubted my reactions,
either.  Right?"
     His shoulder lifted in a slight shrug and the brief raise of his
eyebrows, told me -- 'no, why would I?'
     "And," I continued as my voice dropped to a low, astonished
growl, "you never once doubted the change in the sex of your lover,
did you?  You just took it all in mid-stride, didn't you?"
     He licked his lips, and then answered.  "Well ... doubt isn't
the right word.  I questioned it, how could I not?  But after twelve
years my body and mind didn't seem to care because my heart was
already committed.  Don't forget, Blair, gay people are very open and
very out of the closet everywhere you go these days.  The country and
the world are becoming very used to the idea of same-sex couples.
Maybe they aren't overflowing with acceptance and there's still so
much hate, but they are becoming used to the idea of it.   I think I
did too, long before I met you.
     His initial statement baffled me.  "What do you mean that you
didn't care that I was a man because your heart was already
committed?  When did you know?"
     "Uh ... when I woke up that first morning lying in your arms."
     "Just like that you knew you wanted a relationship with me?"
     "Well, to be exact, I first felt it when you said that you
thought about me every day from the first day I walked into the
restaurant.  I just hadn't been aware of the possibility of it then."
     I let out a short rush of breath.  "So, basically, though, you
knew from that first morning together.  No doubts."  His eyes
narrowed in question.
     I could see the fact that my questions and my reaction were
upsetting him, but I had to continue.  "Joel, please, answer me this.
When was the last time that you doubted yourself in anything?"
     "Well, actually," he began tentatively, "it wasn't all that long
ago.  But, Blair, why is this so important to you?  I don't
understand your questions."
     I sighed and longed for nothing more than to bury my face in his
chest and allow him to hold me for the duration of our flight to
Denver.  But there was a critical piece missing in my understanding
of what allowed him to move through life with nearly ultimate
certitude of his success in all of his actions.
     "Please, Joel ... when did you last know doubt?  Did it have
something to do with Megan?"
     "No," he said with a shake of his head.  "It had to do with
you."
     "Me? When?"
     He grinned wryly.  "The day you first approached me intent on
ravaging my earlobe."
     He held his hand up, asking for my silence, and then continued.
     "I was in an extremely fragile and volatile frame of mind and
when you approached me with your blazing confidence and desires for
me, I doubted my own ability to match your animalistic passion and
fervor, even though I never even suspected that I could have sexual
passion for another man.
     "Granted," he said, looking down to his lap,  "the doubt was
buried deeply within me at the time, but it finally surfaced the
night that we had our first dinner together.  Only that time, the
doubt was caused by your all-encompassing passion to help me."
     I looked at him intently.  He returned my gaze and continued.
"The thought flashed through my head that evening that I wasn't sure
that I would ever be able to match your compassion.  So that is why I
don't quite understand your questions regarding if I've ever doubted
myself.  Hell, lover, you've made me doubt myself twice!"
     Awestruck, I sat in my seat processing his explanation.
Finally, one last question rose to the surface of my thoughts.
"Okay, then, one last question.  If I made you doubt yourself, what
allowed you to move through that doubt?"
     Joel's eyes lifted in recognition at my question.
     "I understand your questions now.  The answer is that, in time,
I was able to move through my doubts because I saw the possibilities
inherently tied to you and I being together ... as one.  And I wasn't
going to allow the fact that you were a male to mar our
'possibility'."
     He pursed his lips in thought, and then grinned.  "You could say
that I recognized that my appointment with the 'possibility of us'
had finally arrived.  I simply chose to keep the appointment.
"It's the same way that I see just about everything in my life -- as
a possibility.  I had Rob make the reservations and confirm seats for
our trip to Paris because I saw the possibility of it happening.
It's the same reason that I had Marco and Christiane make the rings,
because I saw the possibilities inherent in keeping our appointment
right now.  I got very angry with myself as I listened to you try and
protect us with your refusal to move in with me.  I was pissed
because I failed to talk to you about the fact that I'd thought about
and accepted the new element of my sexual orientation.  And that
failure was a barrier to us keeping this appointment."
     He raised his hand in a gentle, dismissive gesture.  "Now, I
know that this all sounds ethereal and stuff, but that's because I've
never tried to explain it to someone before.  It's really just how it
is with me and I hope that you're okay with it."
     I chuckled at his concern.  Finally, I understood what allowed
him to move through his life in such a compelling and direct manner.
A last piece of understanding clicked into place.  "You were able to
accept physically and sexually being with a man in a gay relationship
because it was already bound up in the possibility of us, right?"
     "Yes.  And just for the record, the sex is incredible."  He
claimed my heart forever with his gentle grin.
     "Mr. Summers, you're simply amazing." I laughed quietly.  "Of
course I'm okay with it.  I'm okay with you and ... us."
     "And all our possibilities, Mr. Michaels?"  He grinned as his
face nuzzled my neck.
     "Oh, yeah.  I'm definitely okay with all of our possibilities,
Mr. Summers."


     God, was Mikey pissed at me when we finally arrived home
Saturday evening.  Joel had agreed to spend the rest of the weekend
at my house because he knew that I was feeling a little guilty about
leaving Mikey alone again.  Granted, a friend of mine had done me the
huge favor of cat sitting for the week, but Mikey let me know that he
wasn't so easily appeased by my replacement.
     Once settled in the living room, Joel called Rob to check on
things while I tried to make up with Mickey.  He wouldn't have
anything to do with me.  Instead, he jumped onto Joel's lap and
curled up for a nap.  Surprised, Joel looked towards me and shrugged.
I scowled disgustedly.
     By Sunday night, I could tell that Joel was feeling the need to
be around something familiar and since Mikey had settled down a bit,
I suggested and Joel gladly agreed to spend the night in his
apartment.
     Monday morning, a wildly grinning Hank greeted us as we entered
the restaurant from the interior entrance.
     "What's that grin for, Hank?" I asked, punching his shoulder in
greeting as he leaned forward over the corner of the bar.
     "Well, for one," he started, "I missed you guys.  You know us
working stiffs can't just jet around the globe whenever we feel like
it."  He laughed when he saw me roll my eyes.  Joel chuckled.
     "And the second reason for the grin would be?"  I asked, a
little leery as to what his answer would include.
     "Oh ... just remembering your comment the first morning you saw
Joel take his seat at the bar across from you.  If I remember
correctly, you told me to skip the food because you were going to
have Joel for breakfast."
     Joel erupted into belly-shaking laughter.  I blushed immediately
and Hank grinned closed-mouthed, obviously reveling in my
embarrassment.
     Wrestling his mirth to a manageable level, Joel gasped.  "Oh
that's good, Hank.  He may have had to wait a couple of months, but
as they say, patience is a virtue."
     Hank pulled his head back in question as he looked at Joel.  I
felt Joel's arm slide around my waist as his mouth nuzzled my ear
briefly.  He looked towards Hank and grinned.
     "He had me for breakfast this morning.  We're just here for
coffee."
     Hank's eyes flew open wide and his face turned scarlet.


     The next two weeks passed by unbelievably quickly.  Our days
were spent reviewing various scenarios for the purchase of the
manufacturing concern in Paris.  Twice Joel had to remind me with a
chuckle that I was to direct the acquisitions team, not lead it hands
on.  Additionally, we focused primarily on two separate proposals:
one from his team in Chicago and the other from his home office group
in Denver.  The Denver idea was shelved due to timing concerns, among
other reasons, but we gave a green light for the Chicago team to
enter into discreet, exploratory talks with a financially ailing
shipping concern that had dominated the Great Lakes market at one
time.  Joel said that he saw the possibility of regaining the market
share on the Lakes.  Little convincing was needed on his part.  I
recognized the potential almost immediately.
     Working as closely together as we were, our thoughts began to
slowly synchronize.  For me, it was as if a sudden leash had finally
been removed.  The freedom from preconceived practices and mindsets
that I was now able to exercise on a daily basis fostered my own
abilities at seeing possibilities in the business setting that Joel
readily latched onto.
     I couldn't remember the last time that I'd felt this alive.
     Most mornings began with breakfast at the bar with Hank.  It was
our third morning back when I heard another of Hank's 'oh my gods'
float towards us quietly from across the bar.  I paused in the middle
of a sip of coffee and looked to see what had caused his exclamation.
Hank was staring at us wide-eyed and in short order, we realized that
he'd finally seen our matching rings as we'd unintentionally, lifted
our coffee cups in tandem.  He flew across the service area and drew
me into a tight hug across the bar, offering his congratulations.  He
then pumped Joel's hand with the same intensity.  He even good-
naturedly allowed my ribbing about how long it had taken him to
notice.
     Our evenings were spent balanced between my place and Joel's.
My fears about moving into Joel's place permanently no longer had a
foothold in my thoughts.  I was all for it, even eager, but the main
thing holding me back was that Mikey would never adjust to being a
solely indoor cat.  He needed to prowl and the neighborhood near City
Park where my house was located was his territory.  Joel assured me
of his understanding and his confidence that the possibility would
present itself in regards to a solution.
     I don't think that either of us could have fathomed the form
that possibility would eventually take.


     We strolled slowly down Larimer Street on our way back to Joel's
apartment after relaxing with some sushi and sake.  The unseasonably
warm early spring temperature allowed us to forgo our coats even
though it was after eleven.  The late evening shadows offered
intimacy and our small fingers linked romantically, filling me with
contentment and continued promise.
     I didn't initially see the darkened form in the unlit doorway as
we approached the first alleyway after rounding the corner onto 18th
-- my thoughts focused on the incredible man walking next to me.  I
first sensed Joel's apprehension as I felt his finger contract
against mine and noted the slight pause in his stride.  Instantly I
noticed movement in the shadows and saw the glint of reflected light.
     A hooded figure moved from the doorway, brandishing a knife in
front of him, waving it back and forth threateningly.  Joel grabbed
my forearm.  I stopped immediately.
     "Hey faggots!"  My ears heard a menacing, but bright, voice.
There was a youthfulness to the tone of voice expressed by the jeer.
"Nice night for a walk.  Mind if I join you?"  A low chuckle accented
the question.
     "Look, punk," Joel said, protectively stepping partially in
front of me.  Instantly I flashed with anger and worry.  The anger
surged from my ego and the worry erupted out of concern for Joel.
His continued words stopped me though from reacting further.  "I am
one hundred percent certain that you will regret your choice in
stopping us 'faggots' this evening."
     His words caused me to snap my head to look at him.  Then the
hooded form laughed and I looked quickly toward the sound.  Its
youthful sound was discordant with its menacing taunt.
     "I don't regret nothing, faggot, because you're going to give me
your cash and that fancy watch and thank me for not sticking you with
my blade.  Got it?"  The arm holding the knife lifted towards Joel
threateningly.
     Joel turned to me, chuckling.  "Kids these days."
     And then his hand sprang forward with the precision and speed of
a striking Cobra, grabbing the youth's hand and twisting it sharply
enough to elicit a sharp cry of shock and pain from the kid.  The
knife clattered to the sidewalk as Joel whipped the kid around and
slammed his body against the building's wall. Joel's right hand
trapped the arm behind the youth's back while his other hand
forcefully pushed the kid's face against the brick.
     "Whoa!" I exclaimed.  He'd moved so fast my reaction was
delayed.
     "I warned you, punk," Joel growled into the kid's ear.  He then
turned to me.  "Honey, would you mind calling the cops and getting an
officer here.  This has been fun and all, but before Boy-Thug-
Wannabee decided to interrupt our evening, I was dreaming about
getting to the apartment so you could pack my mouth and then my butt
full of your cock."
     Joel's bizarre statement sank into me through my surprise and my
laughter barked loudly.
     "My hero!"  I barked, my laugher building.  "Shit, Joel.  That
was like Bruce Lee, The Bionic Man and Yoda all rolled into one!"
     I was at once astounded by his lightning speed and as my mental
processors caught up, I was amazed by his instinctive, reflexive
actions.  Combining the incredible turn-around of events in my head,
I felt my entire body flood with relief.  I'd never been approached
or hassled by a mugger.  I may be an aggressive sort of guy, but that
primarily has to do with love and its machinations or a juicy
business deal -- but never previously with the concept of physical
violence.  I found myself unbelievably and disconcertedly aroused!
Man!  This was definitely one for the shrinks to figure out!
     I quickly grabbed my cell phone and dialed the emergency number.
I was assured the response to our situation would be immediate.  And
within a mere few seconds, I heard the distant wail of police sirens.
Joel heard them also.
     "Hear that, Punk?"  He asked, again growling lowly into the
kid's ear.  "That's the sound of you loosing your freedom.  Fancy a
few nights or more behind bars?  Maybe you'll change your tune once
the resident Bubba makes you his bitch!"
     I felt my skin crawl as I heard his words.  The same menacing
tone that had only moments before croaked from the kid's lips now
flowed from my lover's mouth.  An innate revulsion surged within me.
     "Joel!  Stop it.  He's just a kid!"  My impassioned yell,
accented by a forceful grasp onto Joel's shoulder, shattered my
arousal.  Suddenly, I hated the situation that had erupted, unasked,
before me.  "I mean it, Joel."
     My words caused an instantaneous softening in Joel's demeanor.
His shoulders sagged and he dipped his head in realization and
resignation.  His gasp, growled like an unintelligible curse, split
the silence between us.
     "Fuck ... sorry."  He tipped his head towards me over his
shoulder in acknowledgement, and then spoke to the kid.  "Well, in
the end, you got to me, punk.  Hear those sirens?  You scared?"
     The youth mumbled something unintelligible, then as Joel
released the pressure holding the kid's face against the wall, he
repeated his words at Joel's prompting.
     "Let me go, man."
     Joel chuckled.  "And why would I do that?"
     "I'll ... I'll let you ... fuck me."
     Joel tipped his head towards the kid in disbelief, his mouth
open in surprise.  He relaxed his hold further.  The punk squirmed at
the reduced pressure in an attempt to break from Joel's grasp.  Joel
held firm and flashed me a quick, confused look, beseeching me with
his eyes.
     "What do you mean, kid?  Why do you think he'd want to?"  I
asked, my voice mixed with concern and shock.
     The kid twitched once.  "You guys are queer and I'd rather be
fucked by you than by the ..." I thought he wasn't going to finish
his statement, but my heart lurched with his final words.  "... the
Bubbas in lockup."
     Joel and I instantly locked eyes at the kid's words.  The horrid
vision of a holding block gang-bang sprang to my mind and by the
horror that filled Joel's eyes; I knew he was seeing the same thing.
     "Uh ...not interested, punk.  Kids aren't my cup of tea.  You
should have thought of that before ...."  The kid suddenly squirmed
violently in Joel's grasp, trying to break free.
     "I'm not a kid," he screamed.  "I'm fifteen, so fuck you!"  Rage
poured from the kid as he struggled in Joel's grasp.
     The police siren pulled my attention from Joel holding the kid.
I watched as the cruiser turned onto 18th from Lawrence.  I stepped
to the curb raising my hand.


     Twenty minutes later, I wrapped my arm around Joel's shoulder as
the police cruiser pulled from the curb.
     "Are you okay, Joel?  You've gotten really quiet."
     His nod was barely perceptible.  "He was just a kid.  Did you
see his face in the light?  He was so full of anger and fear and
resignation.  It just broke my heart."
     "I know.  The thought of that kid in lockup makes my skin
crawl."
     "Me too."
     Joel pulled his phone from the clasp on his hip and flipped
through the phone list, then punched in a number.  He grabbed my hand
and began walking towards his building.  I followed, confused.
     Joel's voice was all business.  "John, it's Joel Summers.  I
apologize for calling you at home so late, but I need your help.  I
need a favor."


     Earlier in the week, I'd felt awe over something that Joel did.
In the middle of negotiations with a prospective seller of a Denver
property, he stood up in the meeting and said he wasn't interested,
citing five or six concrete reasons, four of which I hadn't even
begun to think of myself.  It was masterful and firm and I recalled
now, feeling the saw kind of awe about him that presently left me
speechless.
     I stood in his empty apartment, looking at the door that Joel
had just exited through.  The call Joel made from the street was to
John Hicks, the mayor of Denver.  It wasn't just the fact that Joel
had the influence to call the mayor at his residence at 11:30 in the
evening, but that he could get immediate action from the top guy in
Denver.  The mayor assured Joel that he would contact the Police
Chief and promised that the kid would not be placed in the general
population.  Unbelievably, fifteen minutes later, the mayor called
Joel's cell phone with assurances that everyone was aware of his
wishes and that the kid, Ben, was moving through booking now and
would be placed in his own cell.
     Joel thanked the mayor profusely and accepted a lunch date with
him for the following week.  When he finished the call, Joel had
looked at me with bright, excited eyes.
     "He'll be safe," he said.  I smiled and closed my eyes in
relief.  The thought of the boy being subject to, if nothing more,
than the taunts and threats of violence, had sickened me to my core.
The thought of an actual rape nearly doubled me over with revulsion
and pain.  When I opened my eyes, I saw Joel looking at me, eyes
bright, grinning.  "That feels better, doesn't it?"
     I nodded.  "You are so ..." I stopped because I wasn't sure what
I wanted to say.  He approached me, placing his arms around my waist.
     "I couldn't stop remembering the feel of his involuntary shudder
when I lost it and taunted him with being an inmate's sex toy.  God,
Blair, I was so caught up in the adrenaline rush that I wasn't even
aware of what I was saying."  He looked into my eyes, his own were
filled with remorse.  "Thank you so much for calling me back to
myself."
     I kissed him softly.  "Anytime."
     He pulled me into a tight hug then gently kissed my forehead.
"I'm going to the jail.  I want to talk to the kid."
     "Joel, why? It's almost midnight."
     "I know, Lover.  I just need to talk to him.  I want to know why
he was driven to attack us.  I won't be long, I promise.  Besides,"
he said with a grin, "I wasn't just making up the part about wanting
you to pack me full of the good stuff.  I've been thinking about it
all day."


     Groggy from too little sleep, I stood in the doorway of the
spare room and gazed at the sleeping form as I sipped my coffee.  I'd
only slept for about five hours during which I'd woken up numerous
times.  Finally, I'd pulled myself from the warmth of Joel's embrace
so as not to wake him with my restlessness.
     I now looked on the reason for my unsettled sleep and thought
about the fact that last night had really happened.


     I heard the front door open around three in the morning and
Joel's voice asking someone if they were hungry.  Confused, I got up
from the couch where I'd been reading and met Joel in the entry foyer
intending to ask him whom he was talking to.  I suddenly didn't need
to voice my question.
     Standing behind Joel was the very tired looking and very
frightened punk from earlier.  My mouth dropped open in stunned
surprise.  The hood from his navy sweatshirt rested on his shoulders
and a very pale face stared back at me -- eyes uncertain and filled
with a haunted, hesitant look.
     I turned my gaze to meet Joel's and saw a pleading look, one
asking me to not respond immediately.  I reached forward to lightly
touch his bicep.
     "Uh ... it looks like we have company, babe."
     The gratitude in Joel's eyes shined brightly.  He nodded and
turned towards the kid.  "Blair, this is Ben.  I know you two have
already met, but I thought we could do some formal introductions to
kind of clear the air.  Ben, this is my partner, Blair."
     "Hi ... uh, Ben.  Nice to meet you."  A quiet 'hey' was the
extent of the kid's response.
     Joel stepped into the awkwardness left by our less than
enthusiastic exchange.  "Hey, let's go into the kitchen.  Ben's
hungry.  And I could use a cup of coffee if you saved me any."
     I took a deep breath and decided to trust the moment to Joel.
"Yeah, there's some left.  C'mon Ben, what are you hungry for."  I
looked at him and watched as he shrugged noncommittally.
     "Don't matter."
     I sent a wink towards Joel then turned to the kitchen.  "Well I
think you're in luck.  I believe we have a lot of 'don't matter' in
the fridge."


     Now, looking at the sleeping form of the boy, I shook my head in
wonder at what Joel had been thinking.  It was nine in the morning.
Joel and I had finally drifted off to sleep around four.  Ben eye's
had drooped tiredly even as he consumed his second sandwich.  It
wasn't long before his head began to nod and Joel showed him the
spare room.  Joel had strongly recommended that Ben take a shower
before going to bed and Ben complied.  Joel's offer of sweats to
sleep in was accepted and when Ben emerged from the bathroom, Joel
stood waiting with the sweats that Megan had liked due to their
bagginess.  He began to pull the door shut behind him as he exited
the room, but Ben stopped him, asking that the door remain open.
Joel had told me later that he thought Ben wanted an escape route.
     I moved down the hall into the living room and settled on the
couch with my coffee.  My thoughts again drifted to our conversation
a few short hours ago as we lay in bed after Ben went to sleep.  Joel
had looked at me and shared with incredibly sincerity that when Ben
told him the reason that he'd tried to rob them was because he was
hungry, Joel had made the instant decision to try to help the youth.
Granted, he admitted, that he wasn't sure at the moment what all that
would entail, but he immediately had offered to drop the charges if
Ben would agree to come home with him while Joel figured out a way to
help.  After unsolicited assurances from Joel that neither of us
would hurt Ben, the youth had agreed.
     While waiting for the paperwork to be processed, Ben had
reluctantly shared with Joel that he was living on the second floor
of an abandoned warehouse with five other youths, all of which had
either been kicked out or runaway on their own for whatever reason.
Joel had asked Ben that if he could find a place for all of them to
live safely, would Ben consider it.  Suspiciously, Ben wanted to know
why Joel was offering his help.
     Joel had blushed furiously as he shared with me that Ben asked
if once he set them up in a place would they be expected to turn
tricks for Joel.  Joel told me that he just stared at Ben in horror
and finally tried to convince Ben that the reason he wanted to help
was because he could and had the means to do it.  He wanted the boys
to have a place where they could be safe and finish their schooling,
give them a fighting chance to make something of themselves.  After a
long, piercing look, Ben nodded at Joel and said he'd think about it.
     I couldn't help but smile at Joel's final words before he'd
drifted off to sleep.  "Just think, Lover, if this works out, maybe
we can help a lot more kids that are stuck in the same situation."
     'Oh, my wonderful, Joel.' I thought with a shake of my head.
'You really are amazing.'
     I spent the next hour on the couch in thought, then realized
that I needed to head to my house to feed Mikey.  I definitely had
some making up to do with my cat.
     I headed to the master bathroom for a shower, stopping for
another glance at Ben's sleeping form.  Thirty minutes later, I was
dressed and heading towards the kitchen when I passed the spare room.
The bed was empty and I noticed that the door to the adjoining
bathroom was open.  I didn't hear any movement so I continued to the
kitchen.
     On the counter was a note.  After reading it, I reached into my
hip pocket for my wallet.  The cash sleeve was empty.  There was no
one around to hear my curse.
     I moved back to our bedroom and gently woke Joel.  His bloodshot
eyes pained me almost as much as what I had to tell him.
     "Honey, Ben's gone.  I got out of the shower and found this."  I
extended the note to him, but he closed his eyes and sighed.
     "What's it say."
     I squeezed his hand as I looked again at the note.  "Someone
needs the cash bad. I know its fucked up real bad taking it.  The
food and the bed were cool.  I'm a fuckup.  Sorry."
     I took a deep breath and looked at Joel.  "I left my wallet on
the table," I said, indicating the table just inside by the bedroom
door.  "He took a couple hundred in cash, but left everything else."
     Joel nodded distractedly.
     "I'm sorry this didn't work out the way you wanted it to, Joel."
     He shook his head as his brown eyes smiled at me.  "Oh, I don't
know, babe.  It pretty much ended up the way I thought it would.  It
was actually all part of the possibility I shared with you last
night; I just hoped that it would be different.  But that's okay."
He arched his eyebrow at me playfully.  "What did you have in mind
for today?"
     I twisted my head at the quizzical and eager way he asked his
question.  "I was going to feed Mikey and give him a little
attention, but other than that, nothing.  Well, I want to review the
Chicago preliminaries.  I saw them on the desk.  Why?"
     Joel nodded his head repeatedly.  "What say you go say hello to
Mikey while I shower and get dressed, then what do you think about
hitting the streets with me.  I'd like to see about finding our
little bird that's fallen from the nest."  Joel's smirk brought a
half smile to my mouth as I expelled my breath.
     "You're sure that's what you want to do?"
     He grinned widely.  "Yeah.  The note didn't say he wanted the
money for himself.  I'd bet it's for one of his buddies that needs
something pretty important.  Plus," he grinned further, "he said he
was sorry.  Just call me a sucker for polite punks."


       Three hours later, I found my feet hurting and my stomach
growling.  I pulled Joel to a hotdog vendor on the 16th Street Mall
and promptly devoured two brats and kraut.
     "God, that's better.  I was hungry."
     Joel bumped me playfully with his shoulder as he swallowed his
last bite.  "Was my baby hungry?"
     I grinned, and then chuckled happily.  Joel continuously made me
feel like he was simultaneously my protector, my lover and my best
pal.  It felt like I'd known him my entire life.
     "I was hungry and still am, but I think I'll let those two dogs
set a while and maybe hit the cart on our next circle around.  Do you
think we're getting anywhere?"
     Joel nodded.  "Yes, we are.  There are not many abandoned
buildings down here and we've hit most of them up to Blake Street.
Ben said that the building was in LoDo and I only know of a couple
more that are empty.  They're on Wazee."
     "You know, Joel, even empty buildings on Wazee are in a pretty
heavily trafficked area.  You'd think that six or so street kids
would be noticed by someone."
     Joel thought about my comment and I could see his mind working
behind his eyes.  "You know what?  You may be right.  Ben said
something like 'down back in LoDo'.  At the time it didn't make
sense, but now that I think about it, he may have meant on the other
side of the Union Station tracks."
     I nodded.  It made more sense than in downtown or lower downtown
proper.  "That might be it.  It's a hike from here, but that might be
the right area.  I was also thinking about trying to get one of the
kids I see hanging out around here to open up a little.  Maybe like
for ten bucks or something."
     Joel's face lit up.  "That's a great idea."  He pulled out his
wallet and handed me the majority of cash that he had.  "But I think
that ten bucks isn't going to buy shit!  Put this with your cash and
spread it around.  Maybe it'll work.  I think I'm going to head to
the tracks and see what I can find."
     I grabbed his arm, suddenly feeling the back of my neck shiver.
"Are you crazy?  That really isn't a good area and going in there
alone is just asking for trouble."
     Joel looked at me and then raised his hand to cup my cheek.
"Gosh, you're a sweet man.  I can't believe I wasted a month sitting
across the bar from you," he winked.  "And you're right.  Here, take
this."  He handed me his watch and his wallet, minus the remaining
cash, which he stuffed into his pocket.
     "That's better," he said.  "But I'm keeping my ring.  Now, don't
worry.  I've studied various martial arts forms for close to twenty
years.  I could give both Bruce Lee and The Bionic Man a run for
their money."  His eyes twinkled as he blew me a kiss.  "Yoda might
be a different story though.  I'll meet you back here in ninety
minutes."   He started to head down the mall and stopped as I shouted
after him.
     "But I have your watch!"
     He grinned and bowed to me.  "I don't really need it anyway.  It
just looks good on my arm."   He smiled widely then turned and
proceeded briskly off.
     I sighed and headed in the opposite direction towards Arapahoe
Street and the remnants of what used to be Skyline Park.

     The concrete and stone thoroughfare known as Skyline Park was
now a construction zone as work progress on the removal of the
concrete and the installation of more greenery.  Skyline used to be a
major hangout for street kids and I hoped that I would have some luck
there with someone knowing Ben.
     The first few guys shrugged and turned away noncommittally, even
after I offered them cash.  A couple other kids had heard of him, but
didn't know where he hung out.  I left them with some cash and a card
along with a message for Ben that Blair was looking for him and for
him to come home.  The kids looked at me strangely, but shrugged and
thanked me for the cash.  Two other groups that were hanging around
the last remnants of the three-block long park that had yet to be
torn up didn't know anything about Ben.  I was getting frustrated,
but continued on to another couple of boys that were sharing a can of
coke under a tree.
     "Who wants to make some money, guys?"
     The larger of the two, a kid about my height but very scrawny,
sneered at me.  "I ain't blowin' ya buddy, if that's what you think."
     The smaller and younger of the two, a kid that could be no more
than fourteen cracked up at his buddy's response.  They bumped fists.
I laughed in turn.
     "No, it's nothing that exciting.  Why?  Do you get solicited a
lot?"
     The larger boy with the greasy, tangled hair tucked behind his
ear just shrugged in response.
     I continued as I squatted in front of them.  "I'm looking for a
friend and I've got twenty bucks for each of you if you can help me
with some information.  He's about maybe your height," I gestured
towards the smaller of the two, "and maybe a little heavier.  He's
got dirty blonde hair and a very pale face.  He tucks his hair behind
his ears like you do and his name is Ben.  Have you seen him?"
     At the mention of his name, the smaller of the two jerked his
head to look as his buddy.  I got excited.  This was the first real
reaction that I'd received.  His buddy squinted threateningly at the
smaller guy.
     "Do you know him?  I really just want to talk with him.  I don't
want to do anything but help him.  Honestly.  I'll give you each
fifty bucks if you can take me to him or point me in the right
direction.  I just want him to come home."
     The older, larger of the two guys arched his brow at me as I
mentioned home and then looked at his friend.  Some signal passed
between them and before I realized what was happening, the smaller
one jumped up as the larger one rolled to his knees and sprang to his
feet.  His buddy sprinted away, but I reacted quickly enough to grab
the collar of the larger kid's jacket and yanked him back to the
ground.
     "Please.  Don't run away.  I just want to help Ben.  Really.  I
don't mean him any harm."
     The kid looked at me with blazing eyes.  I stared back, trying
to convey my sincerity and frustration.  Gradually, he calmed down
and looked to where his buddy stood on the corner watching.  He
turned again to me.
     "Are you Blair?"
     Startled, I nodded slowly."
     "Thought so.  Ben said you were pretty hunky.  What do you want
with him?"
     "Honest, I just want him to know that we're not mad about the
money and that we really want to help.  We both want to help him get
off the streets.  We told him that, but his note said that someone
needed the money, so we understand why he ran."
     The kid nodded thoughtfully.  "It's Mauricio.  Johnny Ice lent
him some money and Mauricio couldn't pay it back and the forty bucks
turned into close to two hundred and Johnny's been after him and
Mauricio knows he's a dead dude if Johnny finds him."
     I dropped my gaze and stared at the ground in thought as he
continued.  "That's why Ben tried to shake you guys down last night.
Johnny's put the word out that Mauricio is his, so when Ben saw your
buddy's watch, he knew you guys had money.  He was gonna get some
cash so we all could eat and give the watch to Johnny so Mauricio
could keep on breathin' man.  Ya know?  He said your guy is like kung
fu or something though."
     "So will you help me? Uh, what's your name, by the way?"
     "Cody and that fast little fucker," he pointed to his friend who
still watched us, "is Timmy."
     "So, Cody, will you help me help Ben?"
     Cody looked up to me as I squatted before him.  I watched as he
read my face, my eyes.  I saw when he made his decision.  He hollered
for Timmy to come over and then looked back at me.
     "Yeah.  He'll probably be pissed, but you seem pretty chill."
     I smiled and stood up, offering him my hand.  I pulled him to
his feet.
     "So that's fifty bucks a piece, right?"  Cody asked, looking at
me sideways as Timmy tentatively approached.  I nodded and reached
into my pocket and counted out a hundred dollars.  I held them up for
the boys to see and then folded them separately and put the bills in
the other pocket of my jeans.
     "Take me to Ben so I can talk with him and it's all yours,
guys."
     Timmy shook his head.  "He's gonna be so pissed at us, dude."
     Cody shrugged and started heading in the opposite direction of
LoDo.  I followed him confused and finally asked what was on my mind.
     "So what Ben said about a warehouse in LoDo wasn't quite
accurate."
     Cody shrugged again, but remain silent.  My watch said that it
was close to an hour and a half since Joel and I separated.  I
thought of calling him as we headed west down Arapahoe towards
fifteenth, but decided two wait and see if the guys were lying or
not.
     After about six or seven blocks, we ended up in the alley behind
a boarded up building that faced Colfax Avenue.  Cody bent down and
pulled the corner of a piece of plywood back.  The other corner was
screwed in place.  Timmy slipped through and Cody indicated for me to
follow, then stopped me with a question.
     "Ben said your guy offered to try and find a place where all us
guys could be together.  Was he just shittin' Ben or what, Blair?"
     I shook my head firmly.  "Nope.  That's Joel's plan.  We just
haven't figured it all out yet."
     He nodded and gestured for me to slide into the building.  My
considerably larger body had a hard time fitting in the narrow space,
but I finally wormed my way through.  Cody followed.  Timmy led us to
a set of stairs and we climbed them to the second floor and walked to
the end room.
     "The dude's gonna be pissed, Cody."
     "I know.  Just shut up about it."
     Cody entered through the door and I followed him.  I immediately
spied Ben, crashed out on one of the filthy mattresses against the
wall under the window.  He was asleep.
     "Hey, Ben!"  Cody said loudly.
     Ben sat up quickly, dazed from his sleep.  He turned towards us
and as his eyes focused, they grew wide in shock.
     "You're boyfriend's come to talk with you."
     "Goddamnit, Cody!  What'd he do?  Sucker you with his eyes or
something?  You're so fuckin' easy, man," Ben scowled then looked at
me.  "Sorry about the money.  I don't have it anymore."
     I nodded.  "Is Johnny Ice gonna leave Mauricio alone now?"
     Ben's eyes darted to Cody who gave him a shrug.  "Yeah, thanks."
     "Glad to help," I smirked.  "We missed you for breakfast this
morning."
     Ben stared fiercely into my eyes looking for signs of sarcasm.
He remained silent.
     "You know," I continued.  "I thought you looked pretty
comfortable in the spare bed.  I was kind of hoping that maybe you'd
stay a while until we could figure out something better."
     The anger flared brightly in Ben's eyes.  "That's just it.
What's all that shit about?  Why you guys doing this?  What do you
want?"
     A little shared anger flashed through me, but I held my initial
reaction.  "You know, Ben, I'll keep quiet about my own motivations
for the moment, but let me tell you something about Joel, and I'd
appreciate it if you'd get your attitude in check and listen real
close.  Joel has what I consider to be a heart made of pure gold.
He's the nicest, most giving man I've ever known and he's set his eye
on helping you.  And you'd be a goddamned fool to fuck up this
chance.  Now what's it gonna be, punk.  The streets and hangin' here
with your boys, or the pretty comfortable mattress and all the food
you can eat?  Plus a surprise or two that'll probably blow your
mind."
     Ben studied me for a minute, the anger in his eyes dissipating.
"What do you mean when you say you'll keep quiet about your
motivations.  What motivations?  Why are you doing this?"
     I sighed then decided if he wanted to know, I'd tell him.
"Look, you already know that Joel and I are lovers.  Fine.  But what
you don't know is that I love him more deeply than I've ever loved
anyone else in my life.  He's my Arthur and I'm his Lancelot, if you
follow.  And if this is what he wants to do, then I'll support him
completely.  He's the most amazing person I've ever known and I'd
follow him to the edge of a cliff and jump off if that's where he was
going.  Am I doing this for you?  Some.  A little.  But I'm mostly
doing it for Joel, because for whatever reason, it means a lot to
him.  So are you gonna come with me?  Joel's probably waiting at our
spot for me, worried."
     Ben took a deep breath, then slowly stood up and nodded twice.
"What about them?"  He lifted his chin toward Cody and Timmy.
     "They can come too, if they want.  I don't know where you'll all
sleep, but we'll work out something.  Maybe at my place, I don't
know."
     Cody shook his head and lifted his chin towards Ben.  "We're
cool.  I'm not going with you man.  But let me know how it shakes.
You know where to find me."  Timmy nodded in agreement.
     Ben looked at Cody and I saw incredible longing and pain in his
eyes.  Then Ben glanced around at the stuff lying on the floor and
grabbed a ratty backpack.  He walked towards me and glanced once at
Cody, then catching my eye lifted his head towards the door.


     My cell phone rang as we rounded the corner onto the Mall from
Arapahoe.  It was Joel and I assured him I'd be there in a few
minutes.
     I hit the off button and looked at Ben, he met my glance
briefly, and then looked behind him.  Half a block back were Cody and
Timmy watching us.
     "You wanna go back and try and get them to come with us?"
     He shook his head and turned back towards the direction we were
walking.  He remained quiet and lost in his thought.
     I spotted Joel at our meeting place, looking in the opposite
direction from the way we were approaching.  When we were within
fifteen feet of him, my excitement got the best of me.
     "Hey, sexy man.  Look what I found."
     Joel whirled around at the sound of my voice and his face broke
into a wide grin.  We came to a stop in front of him.  Ben eyed him
with a cautious look.
     Joel dropped his grin.  "I'm really glad to see you, Ben."
     Ben's expression froze as he stared at Joel.  He swallowed once.
"I'm really sorry I took your money."  His words nearly ripped my
heart out.
     Joel's smile returned full force.  "I'm sure you had a good
reason.  But, I'm not too worried about the money.  It was Blair's
anyway."  His grin widened as he watched Ben's eyes dart to my face.
     I smiled at him and winked, then turned to Joel.
     "Speaking of money, give me the rest of the cash you have, would
ya?"
     Joel reached into his pocket and handed me the remaining cash.
I handed him his wallet and watch.
     "I'll be right back, okay?"  I said to Ben.  He just looked at
me as I turned back in the direction we'd come from.
     I spotted Cody and Timmy leaning against a planter in the middle
of the Mall about a half block back.  As I approached, I waved as
they stood up.
     "You guys didn't think that I'd forgotten you, did you?"  I held
up the cash in my hand.
     They grinned.  I reached into my pocket and withdrew the
remaining cash that I had left as well as the hundred bucks I'd
promised them.  It looked like a little over three hundred dollars in
all.  I extended it to Cody, and then stopped.
     "You guys don't do drugs, do you."
     Both of them shook their heads emphatically, their eyes wide in
surprise at the amount of money I was holding.  "No way, Blair.  None
of us do.  It's just bad shit.  That's why we all stick together."
     I grinned and handed the money to Cody.  I winked at Timmy.  "It
okay if Cody keeps the bulk of it safe for you?"  Timmy nodded.
     Then I reached into my wallet and pulled out two of my cards.  I
gave each of them one.
     "Please call if you guys need anything or if you change your
minds.  Knowing Joel, we're going to have something figured out for
all of you soon.  You know ... if you like, change your minds."  I
grinned at my obvious hint.
     Cody mumbled something and looked at the sidewalk.  I reached
for his chin and lifted it so that I could see his eyes.  "Sure this
is what you want to do?"
     He nodded and I wanted to hug him protectively.  I pulled him
into my arms and gave him a tight squeeze.  "You've got my number if
you decide differently, kiddo."
     I hugged Timmy and told him that I was counting on him to make
sure that Cody didn't spend the dough all in one place.  Then I
turned from them and made my way back to Joel and Ben.  As I arrived,
I looked back once towards Cody and Timmy and saw that they were
gone.
     "That was really sweet, Blair."
     I just smiled.  "Well, guys.  I think we have an appointment
with some nice, thick steaks.  How's that sound?  I'm starved."
     Joel laughed as Ben gave me a half smile, his eyes glancing back
towards where Cody and Timmy had been standing.  I reached up and
squeezed his shoulder once.  He shifted his gaze back to me.
     "I gave them both my card.  Something tells me that it won't be
too long before you see them again."  That earned me another half
smile. "Now, about those steaks ... did I forget to mention that Joel
has about a gallon of ice cream in his freezer?"
     Ben's half smile widened, first into a grin and then into a full
smile.
     Joel clapped Ben on his shoulder and we turned towards 18th
Street and home.  It appeared we had an appointment with some good
food, and the possibility of a whole lot more.
     I smiled and thought, 'I wouldn't want it any other way.'

The End. Possibly.

Comments are welcomed.   dfilchak@qwest.net