Date: Fri, 31 Mar 2000 09:18:32 GMT
From: Wayne Patrick <wppsd@hotmail.com>
Subject: gay/beginnings/searching-for-a-son-10

Disclaimers:  See chapter 1.  If you shouldn't be here, you know who you
are.

Comments and suggestions are greatly appreciated.


*****

Joey stopped struggling against the binding that held him.  He tried to
focus his cloudy gaze to see the tear-filled eyes of his lover looking at
him.  Now that Joey knew who it was and was calmer, Stephen began by taking
the gag out of Joey's mouth and untying the ropes from his wrists.  As soon
as he was free, Joey lunged into Stephen's arms, driving him into the
headboard of the bed.  Joey buried his head into Stephen's shoulder.  The
sobbing was now uncontrollable for both of them.  They sat there for quite a
while.  When he stopped crying, Stephen held his boy, gently rocking him in
his arms, softly humming in his ear.  Stephen was there when Joey needed him
the most.


Chapter 28

Stephen sat in a beach chair just inside the bedroom door.  It had been
hours since he had walked into this bedroom to discover a bound and helpless
Joey being attacked.  They had laid in bed together for an hour or so until
Joey had fallen asleep from exhaustion.  But the adrenalin buzz for Stephen
still hadn't quieted.  And so he sat, reading one of the paperbacks that
Joey had brought with him when he moved in.  Stephen had held the book in
his hands for hours, but really hadn't read the words on the page.  Each
time he imagined that he heard movement on the bed, he would look up to
check on his little boy.  Finally he just gave up trying, laid the book down
next to his chair and focused on the only thing that mattered in his life
right now.  He had tucked Joey into bed under the sheets and a blanket,
tucking the sheets in at the side so that Joey would stay covered even as he
thrashed about.  Joey would moan in his sleep and cry out mostly
unintelligible words.  The only words that Stephen was able to clearly make
out were "help me" and "Dad", but because everything else was garbled, he
had no idea who the "Dad" was that Joey was speaking to.  Stephen was left
to wonder who was in Joey's dream, whether he was reaching to an old memory
back to his childhood, seeking protection from someone who was no longer
there, or was he calling to Stephen, the man who had been his savior that
morning.

As Joey began tossing and moaning again, Stephen walked over to the bed, ran
his fingers through Joey's hair and over his shoulders and quietly shushed
him back to sleep.  Stephen had successfully calmed Joey each time before,
and this time again, a few gentle pats, a kiss on the forehead, and Joey
settled down again.  He continued to talk in his sleep for a few more
seconds, this time clearly begging, "Please don't."  The pain ripped through
Stephen's heart.

Tending to the sleeping boy distracted him from the rage that tore through
him, an anger that had exacted the blows to Kevin's face, leaving their
damage, but had not completely freed Stephen from a guilt he felt.  There
was no real justification for the guilt.  No matter how many times Stephen
played it over in his head, there was no way to see it coming.  He knew that
he could not have prevented it.  It happened in the middle of the day, and
Stephen had gone to work to meet with Jeff.  He had not been a delinquent
parent, and besides, Joey was 19 years old.  Yet, Stephen still felt
responsible.  He wanted to free Joey from this torment, but as long as Joey
stayed asleep, Stephen was going to leave him just that way.  They would
have plenty of time to talk things out later.

It was late afternoon when the phone rang, shattering the quiet of the
house.  Stephen hurried to the kitchen before the ringing woke Joey.  He
wanted it to be the one call he was waiting for.  Earlier, he had called to
speak to Jeff after Joey had fallen asleep, but Jeff had been out of the
office and hadn't received the call.  The meeting that morning had not been
what Stephen expected.  There was a new perspective on things.  Now, Stephen
could turn to his old friend, not thinking that the true test of their
friendship would be challenged so shortly after Stephen had revealed his
news.

"Hello."

"Stephen, it's Jeff.  What's wrong?"

"Jeff, Joey was nearly raped this morning while I was at the office..."

"How?"  Jeff cut Stephen with a voice of alarm.  Jeff still hated what Joey
represented, but he was not malicious enough to take any pleasure from the
boy being raped.  He thought to himself that a man could not rape another
man.  I guess he reasoned that because you're gay, everything is fair game.

"I don't know.  I walked in on the middle of it and stopped it before
anything happened.  But he is pretty badly shaken.  We can't do anything
tonight.  Sorry, but we'll have to reschedule our plans."

"Is he okay?"  Concern for the boy began to show through.  After all, Jeff
was a father too.

"I don't really know.  He's been asleep all afternoon, and has been having
some pretty nasty nightmares.  It reminds me of the night terrors that Scott
used to have."

This comment was followed by a pause of silence from Jeff.  The comparisons
between Scott and Joey still bothered him.  But for the moment, he set that
comment aside and then said, "All right.  I'll let Donna know that you won't
be coming to dinner tonight.  When do you think that you might be able to
come by?"

"I'm not sure.  Tomorrow should be okay.  I think he'll be better by then.
And please don't mention to Donna what happened today, okay."

"Of course not.  We'll make it tomorrow night.  If he's not better tomorrow
morning, call.  There's no hurry at this point.  I'll talk to you later."

"Okay, Jeff.  And by the way, thank you again for what you've done."

"We'll see how everything goes.  Just call if you need something."

Stephen smiled at the phone as he set it in the cradle.  The Jeff that he
knew had once again become the old friend that Stephen could count on.  Jeff
had grudgingly acknowledged that Stephen was the same guy that he had known
all these years.  But Jeff had also let Stephen know that he wasn't
comfortable with the changes and that they both would just have to be
patient to see if Jeff could accept everything.  Stephen left the meeting
with a feeling that what had happened was that Donna had gotten a hold of
Jeff and read him the Riot Act.

>From the bedroom came a soft, groggy voice.  "Who was that?"

Stephen walked back to the bedroom, happy that the boy in his bed was not
distraught anymore.  He walked in smiling and took a seat on the edge of the
bed next to the still-dazed Joey.  "That was for me.  Don't worry about it.
How do you feel?  Would you like something?"

"Yeah, my mouth tastes like a old sweat sock.  Could I have some water,
please?"

"Just stay there, my love.  I'll be right back with some."

Stephen went to the kitchen for a glass of water and some crackers, just in
case Joey decided that he was also hungry.  He walked back into the bedroom
to see Joey trying in vain to stand up next to the bed.  Each time Joey
tried to raise his body from the bed, he would get half way up and then fall
back to sitting.  He turned, in slow motion, to look at Stephen standing in
the doorway.

"Stephen, help me.  I've got to get to the bathroom, but my head is spinning
so bad that I can't seem to stand up."

Stephen set the tray down and walked over to the naked young boy.  He pulled
Joey up and slipped one of Joey's arms around his neck.  He grabbed Joey
around the waist and helped him manage the slow journey to the bathroom just
past the bedroom door.  They entered the bathroom, where Stephen sat Joey
down at the toilet and took a seat on the side of the tub.

"Baby, look at me for a minute."

Joey turned his head towards Stephen.  He seemed to look through Stephen and
to somewhere beyond.  Stephen looked as Joey's eyes gazed past him and
recognized that Joey wasn't completely there.  He guessed that Joey had
suffered a concussion.  That thought scared him for a minute because he had
been taught not to let someone with a concussion sleep.  Of course, if
anything had happened to Joey while he slept, Stephen would have been all
over it.  He had nowhere to go and all eternity to wait for Joey to come
back to him.  Stephen was grateful that nothing had happened, but he knew
that they were in for a long night, as he was not letting Joey go back to
sleep soon.

"Joey, do you remember what happened this morning?"

"I remember some of it, but I don't know if I could tell you the whole
story."

"I want to ask you one thing.  Did he hit you or punch you?"

"Let me try to think."  Stephen sensed that Joey meant it literally.  He
could see that Joey had to replay the events step by step so that he could
remember.  Joey's face finally flashed on the answer Stephen was searching
for and began to comprehend the events of the day.  Joey took on the look of
a frightened child.  Stephen slid over to Joey, putting his arms around him
and kissing him gently on the top of his head.

"Yeah," Joey began slowly, measuring each word as he spoke, "I remember that
after he tied my hands up, I started screaming for help.  He slapped me
pretty hard on the top on my head to shut me up.  I felt dizzy after that,
but I don't remember anything.  I guess he hit me harder that I thought."

"Okay, I'm going to call the doctor.  Let's see what he suggests."

Stephen first went to the bedroom and fished out some clothes for Joey.  He
dressed Joey in the boxers, shorts, and t-shirt that Joey was laying out
when he was attacked.  He helped Joey stand up again, but this time took him
to the sofa, where he set him up with some pillows in a sitting position so
he could watch the television.  He also retrieved the tray that held the
water and crackers from the bedroom.  He set those up in front of Joey on
the coffee table.  Then he went to the phone, not letting Joey out of his
sight, while he consulted with the doctor about how to handle Joey's
problems.

The evening passed quietly.  The two sat on the sofa together, Joey nestled
safely in the arms of Stephen as they watched a baseball game on the tv.
Nothing was said.  They didn't discuss anything -  the game, the attack, or
anything else.  Stephen spent most of the time running his hands all over
Joey, from his face to his stomach, as far as Stephen's reach would allow
without causing Joey to move.  He repeatedly kissed him on the back of the
neck and the shoulders.  He touched him constantly as much for his own
benefit as he did for Joey's.  He needed that contact, the assurance that
Joey was in one piece.   He had lost one little boy before, and to lose
another one just when they were becoming best friends would have been too
much to bear.

Joey laid back on Stephen, with his head resting on Stephen's shoulder.  One
might think that Joey would have resisted being touched by anyone, but this
was his Stephen.  He needed him there, to make sure the nightmare didn't
come back.  He enjoyed the feeling of the older man protecting him.  He paid
no attention to the television.  His focus was on the man who cradled him.
Joey's mind wandered, partially from the concussion and partially from the
flashbacks he had.  He remembered being four years old.  Sitting next to his
dad in the car as they drove around town.  Slipping his small hand inside
the large hand of the man he was walking with.  For all those years, he
hadn't had that comfort.  He missed it.  It didn't matter why he was getting
that comfort now, it just mattered that he was getting it.  And he couldn't
get enough of it.  He ran his hand over any part of Stephen that he could
touch.  Sometimes, he would intertwine their fingers, studying every line
and knuckle, and hold it near his chest.  He would occasionally kiss him on
the cheek.

They got up occasionally to see if any other injuries might surface.  The tv
was on most of the evening, but neither really paid much attention to
anything but each other.  They were happy listening to each other breathe,
the feel of the raising and lowering of their chests as they inhaled and
exhaled.  When the ball game ended, they surfed the channels, never finding
anything of interest.  It wasn't until well past midnight, when Joey had
kept a light meal down and his eyes weren't as dilated that Stephen finally
relented and the two boys made their way to the bedroom and sleep.

When Friday morning rolled around, Stephen was shocked to find what woke him
up.  As his eyes cleared, he looked down to see Joey sucking his dick.  It
certainly felt good to Stephen, but he was amazed that Joey would think of
sex this morning after everything that had happened the day before.

"Mmmmm, good morning."

Joey barely pulled his lips off of Stephen, mumbling, "Morning."

"Um, I love what you're doing, but you don't have to do that for me, okay?"

Joey wanted to be there.  But he'd have to stop playing with his favorite
toy to answer Stephen's questions, and he wasn't in the mood for
interruptions.  "I'm taking my temperature.  I couldn't find a thermometer
in the bathroom, so I figured this was the next best thing.   I figured that
the hotter I was, the bigger it would get.  That way I could tell if I was
alright.  Next dumb question, please."

"Excuse me.  I'll let you go back to your business."

Stephen, raised his arms to rest them behind his head.  This way, he could
watch Joey as he worked.  Joey was full of energy, quick as a hummingbird,
as it seemed he was racing around Stephen's body, playing with his nipples,
rolling his balls in his fingers, running his hands all over Stephen's body,
not able to get enough of Stephen, while still sucking away on Stephen's
very hard rod.  Stephen closed his eyes and thought of the young man's naked
body.  In his mind, he remembered back to just a couple of days ago, with
Stephen laying on top of Joey.  He could still recall the feeling of being
inside Joey's ass, pistoning back and forth and the pleasure that Stephen
felt the first time he and Joey had made love.  The memory was so clear that
it didn't take any time before Stephen was warning Joey of his impending
orgasm.  Joey made sure that he was waiting for it as several spurts of
Stephen's seed filled Joey's throat and mouth.  When he was done, Joey slid
up to kiss him and share some of his treasure.  What a great way to start a
morning!

They showered and dressed for the day.  Stephen went through his usual
routine he did every morning before going to work, even though they really
had nowhere to go.  Joey began following the same routine, much like the
little boy who wants to shave just like daddy, even though whiskers on his
face are years away.  Joey showered, shaved, and dressed exactly the way
that Stephen did it.  If Joey did have a routine before he met Stephen, it
had been forgotten and replaced by one that would stay with Joey for the
rest of his life.  When they were done, Stephen announced, "Okay, time for
breakfast.  Let's go."

They walked to the front door and the blinding light of the sun brought an
immediate throbbing to Joey's head.  He turned away from the door, truly in
pain.

"I can't go out.  That hurts too much."

Stephen closed the door again, quickly hugging Joey to him.  "Wait a minute,
I'll be right back."  He retreated to the bedroom, where he brought out a
pair of the darkest sunglasses he owned for Joey to use.  "This will help.
We will stay inside today."

Joey put the glasses on and slowly opened the door.  This was better.  He
nodded his approval to Stephen and they walked out the door, heading to the
parking lot.  Joey looked down and pointed for Stephen to see a trail of
blood splattered here and there on the sidewalk in front of their unit.
"Look at this!  Did you hear anything last night?"

"Nope.  Not a thing."  Stephen wasn't going to bring up yesterday, at least
not now.  He didn't want Joey to remember anymore about the events than what
he would recall on his own.  The sooner forgotten, the better.  He felt the
anger boil again as he pictured what he saw as he entered the bedroom
yesterday.  He didn't want Joey to see the picture in his mind.  "I hope the
apartment manager knows about this to clean it up."

After breakfast and a couple of errands, they returned to their apartment.
While they were putting things away, Stephen had to bring up a topic that
would probably upset Joey, but it had to be done.

"Hey, listen, we've been invited to dinner tonight."

Joey looked at Stephen curiously.  Why this sudden announcement?  What was
so important that he wasn't even consulted?  "Do they know about us?  Are
they family, someone who has to know?"

"They are like family, but it is important to me that we go."

"Okay, who is it?"

"Jeff."

"No.  No way."  Joey took a step away from Stephen.  What was he thinking?
He had witnessed everything that had gone on between Jeff and Joey a couple
of days ago.  Joey wanted no part of Jeff.  He had stood up to Jeff once,
but was not ready for another battle.

"Could you listen for a minute, please?"  Stephen held Joey by the
shoulders.  He knew that Joey's respect would buy him the time to say what
he needed to.  "When I met Jeff yesterday morning, some things had changed.
I suspect that Donna got a hold of Jeff when he told her about us.  And I
think that we have a friend in Donna.  If anyone will change Jeff's mind,
it's Donna.  Please, reconsider and give Jeff one more chance."

Joey eyed him carefully.  This evening was not going to be comfortable, to
say the least. Joey reasoned that maybe Stephen needed this the way that
Joey needed to confront his step father.  "Okay, but on one condition."

"Whatever you want, you got it."

"If I say go, we are out of there.  I don't want a repeat of what happened
in this apartment.  Agreed?"

"Agreed!"  He hugged Joey.  "Thank you.  I am so proud of you.  Thank you
for loving me."

"When is dinner?"

"Seven."


Chapter 29

At seven sharp, Stephen's car turned into the driveway and came to a stop.
Before getting out of the car, Stephen leaned over and kissed Joey.  This
was a warm, almost passionate kiss.  He told him, "Don't worry about
tonight.  No matter what happens here, we are going to go home afterwards,
and I want to make love to you.  That will give you something to think about
tonight over dinner."

They climbed out of the car and walked up the path to the front door.
Stephen rang the doorbell of the Wood residence.  They waited and watched
through the sheer curtains on each side of the oak front door as Jeff walked
from the living room into the foyer of the house.  As Jeff approached, Joey
slipped his hand inside of Stephen's, squeezing tightly.  Already, the
tension that Joey feared was building, and Jeff hadn't even opened the door.
  Joey watched the doorknob turn slowly and then the door creak open.

"Stevie, hey buddy, come on in."

"Hey, Jeff, how's Mr. Partner doing."  Stephen reached out to shake Jeff's
hand.  To the side and behind Stephen, Joey watched in amazement as the two
friends acted as if the altercation that happened two days ago had never
taken place.  He wondered how everything could be so quickly forgotten.  In
Joey's life, every mistake was remembered and brought up frequently to
remind him how he just wasn't good enough.  The turmoil in his mind almost
caused him to miss Jeff's welcome to him.

"Joey.  Please come inside.  Donna has been waiting to meet you."  The tone
to Joey was more formal.  Their eyes met, each showing an unidentifiable
uneasiness.  But there didn't seem to be any of the venom that spewed in
their first meeting.  Jeff stepped back, opening the door to his home as any
gracious host would who was entertaining business associates.  "I'll let her
know that you're here.  Go ahead to the living room.  I've got some things
in the bar for us to have.  Fix yourself whatever you like."

Stephen led Joey into the living room.  The room was well appointed, with a
sofa in the center of the room with a couple of matching chair facing each
other.  On the back wall was a large fireplace in one corner, next to a
large window that opened into the back yard, revealing a swing set along the
back fence.  Bookshelves lined the walls that faced back towards the front
of the house.  Stephen walked to the wet bar on the left side of the room.
This house had been the one place that he did run to after the accident
whenever he had the need for human contact.  It felt like a second home.  He
turned his head so that Joey, walking behind him, could hear, "What do you
want to drink?"

"Just a soda.  Or do I need something stronger?"

Stephen laughed, "No, you're safe here.  You might even enjoy yourself.
Relax."

Just as Stephen reached the bar, the stampeding of little feet came charging
down the stairway that landed just outside the door to the living room.  In
rushed a pair of smiling faces, hollering louder and louder to see who could
get the most attention.

"Uncle Steve!  Uncle Steve!"  The two boys flew through the room, grabbing
Stephen at the waist, one on each side of him so that their arms wrapped
around Stephen, and the two heads buried themselves into his sides.

"If it isn't my two favorite boys."  Stephen winked at Joey, letting him
know that the two urchins had been replaced at the top of his list.  Stephen
kneeled down to hug them both at the same time.  This was a practiced
ritual.  Stephen knew better than to show favoritism to these
seven-year-olds.  They were getting older, but that still didn't keep them
from fighting for preferred nephew status.  He finished the hug and then
stood up, dusting their hair with his hands as he spun them around to face
Joey.  "Boys, I would like to introduce you to a friend of mine.  This is
Joey.  Joey, these are Greg and Glenn."

Just as Stephen finished their hug, Jeff walked into the room.  He spied the
hugs and kisses going on in the corner.  He said nothing, but in his mind,
he questioned whether things were different this time.  And even though
things were no different than the hundreds of hugs the boys had gotten from
Stephen before, because Jeff wondered, it made them different.  "Okay boys,
upstairs.  Go play.  I'll call you for dinner."

"Can't we stay down here and see Uncle Steve?"

"Not tonight boys."  Jeff smiled, slightly forced, looking at Stephen and
then Joey, "I'm sure they'll be back again.  Maybe another day."  The boys
took off, stampeding even harder back up the stairs to their room.  "Did you
find what you were looking for?"

"Yes, we're fine, thanks."

Joey walked over to the bar, taking the drink Stephen had poured for him.
He took a long swig, trying to calm down still.  He had watched the hugs
that Stephen had given the boys.  How he wished that he could run over to
Stephen the way the boys had and get the hug that was most needed in that
entire house. He was worried - Stephen acted as if everything was too
comfortable, too smooth.  Something had to go wrong.  When?

As Stephen and Jeff talked business, Joey stared out the window into the
back yard.  He was comparing the window to the one at the hotel and pictured
how he had looked out at the ocean through it.  That night was a safe zone
for him, the beginning of a new life that he loved.  His back was to the
door as Donna entered the room.  She was carrying a tray that had a few
snacks for before dinner.  "Steve, how are you, love.  I've haven't seen you
in weeks.  My goodness, you're looking so good!"

"Thanks, Donna.  I'd like you to meet the reason why.  This is Joey Edwards.
  Joey, this is Donna Wood."

Joey set his drink down on an end table.  He turned to face Donna as Stephen
made the introductions.  He was smiling, more relaxed, reminding himself
that Stephen had said that Donna was on his side.  He held his head up,
proud to be introduced as Stephen's inspiration for the first time.  He was
standing directly under a recessed light in the ceiling which cast a
halo-like glow around his head.  He smiled and looked directly at Donna.

Donna took one look at Joey.  The tray that she held noticeably began to
shake.  Jeff hurried to her to take the tray from her.  He caught it as she
began to drop the entire platter.  Her hands rose quickly to her open mouth
to cover it.  "Oh, my.  I... I... I can't...No!"  Words could not come out.
Tears began to form in her eyes.  She turned and hurried out of the room.

The three men stared at each other.  Stephen and Joey moved to each other.
Jeff set the tray down.  "Excuse me, I'll be right back."  He followed Donna
back to the kitchen.  Stephen directed Joey to the sofa where they both sat
down.  Joey looked to Stephen wondering what had just happened.  Stephen
read the questioning look and just shrugged his shoulders.  They waited for
someone to return and explain.

Jeff and Donna walked back in a couple of minutes later.  Jeff held Donna's
hand.  Donna's eyes were still wet and very red.  She looked at the young
man sitting on their sofa.  She again studied his features, still amazed at
what she saw.  She walked over to the sofa and sat down next to Joey, taking
his hands in hers.  She spoke, "Joey, I am so sorry.  Please excuse me.  But
when I looked at you, I saw Scott.  Scott was like my third son, he was
always here playing with the twins.  It was like seeing someone who had come
back from the dead.  I guess Jeff hadn't mentioned the resemblance and I
didn't expect it.  I am so embarrassed.  That was not the way I wanted our
friendship to start."

Joey hugged Donna.  He whispered, "Thank you.  It's all right.  I
understand.  You never have to apologize for that."

Donna looked past Joey to Stephen.  Donna gave him a look of approval.  "How
did you find this handsome man?"

Stephen smiled.  "Someone was looking out for me.  It's all a long story but
I am just happy he is here with me."

Donna knew that Jeff was still uncomfortable with Joey.  She tried to
redirect the conversation.  "Jeff told me the good news about your job. I'm
sure you are excited.  When do you start?"

Joey nearly spit a sip of his soft drink out.  Now it was his turn to be
embarrassed.  "What new job?"  He looked at Stephen.

Stephen grinned back.  "Jeff, since you're the one who gets the credit, why
don't you tell Joey about it?"

"Joey, after our meeting a couple of days ago, I left Stephen's apartment
angry.  Why doesn't matter.  It honestly didn't have anything to do with
you.  But after I talked to Donna, I realized that I behaved horribly.  I
want to apologize to you for that.  I must admit that I am still
uncomfortable about Stephen's and your relationship, but that is for me to
deal with.  I have already apologized to Stephen for my actions at work.
That was why I asked him to the office yesterday morning.

"I told him that I wouldn't accept his resignation, but he insisted.  He
said that he was tired of the long hours and now he had a reason to go home.
  So I made some phone calls to one of our clients who is looking for a
Controller.  Stephen has worked on their account in the past and they were
thrilled to get someone of his talents.  They want him to start right away,
but he told them that he was going to take some time off before he would
start to work for them."  Jeff broke into a smile, "He said something about
getting his son back."