Date: Wed, 05 Apr 2000 23:53:44 GMT
From: Wayne Patrick <wppsd@hotmail.com>
Subject: gay/beginnings/Searching-for-a-son 11

Disclaimers:  Please see chapter one.  If you shouldn't be here, you know
who you are.

A personal note:  I want to thank all of the wonderful men who have written
to me about this story.  Some of you are Stephens and some of you are Joeys.
  I wish I could put all of you together.  This world would be a better
place.  I especially want to thank a dear friend, Cy, who has been gracious
enough to put up with my eccentricities.  You have been a friend, a
confidant, and a critic when I needed one.
I could not ask for more.

I appreciate any comments and suggestions.  If you are afraid to write to a
stranger, please don't be.  We'll only be strangers until you send that
first note.  Then I will be able to count you as my friend.   Wayne


*****

"Joey, after our meeting a couple of days ago, I left Stephen's apartment
angry.  Why doesn't matter.  It honestly didn't have anything to do with
you.  But after I talked to Donna, I realized that I behaved horribly.  I
want to apologize to you for that.  I must admit that I am still
uncomfortable about Stephen's and your relationship, but that is for me to
deal with.  I have already apologized to Stephen for my actions at work.
That was why I asked him to the office yesterday morning.

"I told him that I wouldn't accept his resignation, but he insisted.  He
said that he was tired of the long hours and now he had a reason to go home.
  So I made some phone calls to one of our clients who is looking for a
Controller.  Stephen has worked on their account in the past and they were
thrilled to get someone of his talents.  They want him to start right away,
but he told them that he was going to take some time off before he would
start to work for them."  Jeff broke into a smile, "He said something about
getting his son back."

Chapter 30

Things finally quieted down for Stephen and Joey.  So much had happened the
first week that they had been together that there hadn't been enough time to
talk.  After the night at Jeff's house, they agreed to spend every minute
sharing stories and trying to cram as much as they could into learning about
each other.  They knew they would have to work at it if they wanted this
relationship to last.  Joey was happy that he had a home that was not full
of tension and animosity.  It was a pleasant place to live, and for that he
was thankful.  Stephen  was usually agreeable to any arrangement.  Living
with secrets forces you to try to not bring attention to yourself.  You
don't want to rock the boat for fear of tipping your life upside down, so
Stephen rarely complained.  And to have a son, his boy to love, made
everything in his world perfect anyway.  This made for two great roommates,
as well as lovers, very happy sharing what was becoming a very cramped
apartment.

A couple of weeks passed.  The routine of every day life was welcomed by
both of them.  The past was fading into a memory.  Then a phone call for
Stephen.  It was Katie.

"Uncle Steve.  I haven't see you at the market and I was worried.  Is every
thing okay?"

"Sure Katie.  Joey and I have been spending a lot of time together, getting
to know each other.  It seems like we fill up our days so much that we wind
up eating on the go.  We're like two bachelors.  Nothing but soft drinks and
beer in the fridge."

"I'm so glad to hear that.  I was wondering if I could see you this weekend.
  I didn't realize how much I had missed you until we got together.  I
didn't get to visit enough the last time because Joey got sick.  I'd like to
catch up on everything with you."

Stephen knew this time would come, but he had no way of knowing what share
it was take.  He would have to deal with his family soon.  As they say,
there would be some major explaining to do.  He avoided the subject with
Joey because he couldn't figure out a way to bring it up without mentioning
Katie.  He and Joey never discussed the night with Katie.  Everything had
been said driving home in the car that night and both of them avoided the
subject for the same reason.  Stephen had admitted his guilt about that
night and Joey was not going to make Stephen pay for his sin again.  But
Stephen had thought about that night frequently, knowing that Tim's comments
at the Club were a sign that the love they shared was one for all to see.
Even family.  Sure, there could have been worse choices, but to have to face
Katie first created an extra sense of anguish in Stephen's mind.  She had
witnessed more of the intimacy between Stephen and Susan that any other
family member.  She had been around the house so much that she was thought
of as a member of their family.  She was the one called whenever Scott would
need a babysitter.

"Sure, I'd love to see you.  Do you want to come to our place for dinner?"

"Actually, no, Uncle Steve.  I'd like to go out with just you.   We really
don't get to visit.  I just want to see you."

"Okay, that's fair.  When do you want to meet?"

"Are you free Friday afternoon?  I'd thought we could eat lunch somewhere."

"Sure.  I can get away," Steve replied.  "I'm not working right now.  I've
decided to take some time off.  So I'm free any time you want."

"Great.  I'll see you at noon.  How about the restaurant next to the
market?"

"Yep, noon on Friday.  I'll be there.  Love you honey."

"You too, Uncle Steve."

The week raced by too quickly.  It was Friday, high noon.  Joey knew that
Stephen was meeting Katie and was not bothered not being invited.  Stephen
and Katie met outside in the parking lot where they hugged and kissed.  When
they entered the restaurant, Katie asked for a table in the back of the
restaurant, away from the stampede.  They were seated and placed their
orders.  First, Katie asked about Stephen about the change in jobs.  Stephen
skirted the issue by claiming that he was just tired of the long hours.  He
offered that he wanted to have more personal time.  She was happy to hear
that as there had been much conversation in the family about the way Stephen
had chosen to handle his grief.  But no one would speak to Stephen about it.
  Or anything else.  He had become a pariah in the family, especially on
Susan's side.  When someone dies, no one knows what to say, so everyone
ignores the ones who are left behind.  After Katie had filled Stephen in on
the family news, she turned to the real purpose of her meeting.

"Uncle Steve.  How's Joey's doing?  I felt so bad about his getting sick
that night.  I feel to blame somehow."

"Don't think anything of it.  He was just overtired from all the emotional
stress of moving.  He left a home that was not a good situation and that
took a lot out of him."

"What was so bad?"  Katie was direct as always.

Stephen sipped from his drink, taking the time to choose his words
carefully.  The anxiety meter in his mind ratcheted up one notch.   "He
didn't get along with his step father.  They didn't agree on much."

"How long have you known him?  You didn't introduce him as a relative, so
I'm guessing that he's not your nephew."

One more click on the meter.  "No, he's just a friend I met a few weeks ago.
  We have a lot in common and our personalities match pretty well."

Katie paused.  This was what she had come to talk about.  "I wanted to ask
you about his personality.  I know he isn't very outgoing, but there is
something about him that strikes me as peculiar.  I know he didn't feel
good, but that night, he acted like he didn't want me to touch him at all.
Is there something odd about him?"  She stared Stephen down.  If he didn't
give her an reasonable answer, she was going to turn up the pressure.

Stephen took a deep breath.  He knew where she was going.  "Yes, Katie.  I
think I know what you mean.  I might as well tell you.  The reason he left
home is that he is gay.  His stepfather is not a pleasant person to be
around, and if he hadn't left home on his own, he would have been kicked
out."

"But why you?"  Katie paused.  "Why did you take him in?  I'm not
prejudiced, and I'm not telling you that you should be, but I am surprised
that you would let an openly gay person move in with you.  It's not like you
have a lot of room."

The moment of truth for Stephen was at hand.  All the anxiety and worry
leading up to the moment seemed far worse that the actual meeting itself.
And yet, that one last step, actually speaking the truth came the hardest.
Stephen tried to say the word but couldn't, and that bothered him.  He loved
Joey more than anything in the world.  He had even been able to say it to
Jeff that first day back.  Of course, it had taken him the whole story
before he would say the word, but he had done it.  Now, with Katie, he was
asked to do it again.  He had to say it.  If he couldn't say it now, how
would he ever face the rest of the family?

"Katie, come on now.  I think you know the answer to that question.  As a
matter of fact, I think you knew that answer before we met today, right?"

"I want to hear you say it, Uncle Steve."

Stephen smiled.  Maybe he couldn't stand up on the table and tell the whole
world, but he could face his niece.

"Yes, Katie.  I love him.  At first, I honestly saw Scott.  I was so amazed
by the resemblance that I couldn't even speak."

Katie's face reflected surprise at that statement.  She looked down at the
table, thinking of the two boys, trying to see them though Stephen's eyes.
She looked back up to Stephen and nodded.

"Katie, you have to understand, I have been trying to put things together
since the accident.  I approached him.  I had to get to know him.  I could
have picked any place in the world to pick up a sandwich, but I had to walk
into the deli where he worked.   It was like God had sent me a gift.  Katie,
try to understand, since I lost Scott, if I see a boy who looks alone,
afraid, in need of a friend, my heart hurts for him.  For two years, I've
been searching for a son to replace the one I lost.  I know I can't really
replace Scotty, but I just wanted to help someone who needed it.  Joey was
the one who needed the help I could give.  What I didn't realize what how
much Joey would help me."

Tears welled in Katie's eyes.  "Forgive me.  I didn't want to hurt you.  I
know every one in the family has been hurting.  Dad still can't talk about
Aunt Susie.  I can't imagine how bad it is for you."

"Thank you.  I don't expect you to feel how I hurt, but I appreciate that
you understand what Joey means to me."

"But I still can't believe that you... and him?"

The seriousness in Stephen's face turned to a smile.  "Yeah.  Kind of
surprising, huh?  I guess I did a good job of hiding it from everybody."

"But if you're gay, why did you marry Aunt Susie?"

"First of all, don't try to put labels on me.  I'd rather that you not call
me gay or straight or whatever.  It makes things more complicated than they
already are.  To answer your question,  I am the last male in the Andrews
family tree.  I wasn't directly told as a child that it was my
responsibility to keep the family name going, but I know I heard it enough
time that some of the family considered it important.  So even though girls
didn't do anything for me, I knew that was the only way to fulfill the role
some people had for me.  That might be even harder to explain than being
gay."

"Wow, so you married only to have a family."

"Yes.  But I would have been faithful to Susan.  I vowed not to love another
as long as we lived.  And I would have honored that vow forever.  The
accident left me feeling so miserable, like I was a failure at everything.
Until Joey came along.  When I look at him, I am doing what makes me feel
happy.  I've loved him as a son from the minute I met him, and not long
after that I discovered that I wanted him as my lover, too.  That's why I
said that we have a lot in common.  We need each other."

"You know, that night at the Club, Tim walked in on you in the bathroom.  He
told me after you left that he thought he had seen you hugging each other."

"He was right.  Joey was so upset that you were coming on to him and he
didn't know how to handle it.  That poor kid had been put down by every girl
he ever tried to ask out.  And then you come on to him and he doesn't know
what to do."

"Oh, I'm so sorry for that.  I feel terrible."

"Please don't be, Katie.  It worked out okay for us.  It was a hard lesson,
but that night let me see that Joey's love for me was endless.  That was the
night he showed me he loved me.  It might have taken us a lot longer if I
hadn't screwed things up that night."

"Well, that night turned out lucky for both of us, I guess."

"How's that?"

"Tim and I have been seeing each other since then.  We were just friends at
school, but I found out that he is a great guy.  I don't know where it's
going, but I really like him a lot and we're together for now."

"Good for you."

"And I'm happy for you too, Uncle Steve."

Stephen smiled.  It was out.  But this was only one person, and one who was
pretty open minded.  There was a long road uphill to finish the job.
"Katie, please do me a favor."

"Sure, anything."

"I'm not sure how I'm going to tell my family or yours about me and Joey.
That will be the toughest part of anything I have to do.  Please don't say
anything.  Give me time to figure out how I can do it."

"Uncle Steve, I love you too much to do that to you.  Let me know if you
need any help."


Chapter 31

Joey rolled over, throwing his leg over Stephen's body until he was laying
on top of him with his legs straddling each side of Stephen's waist.  Their
cocks lay side by side to each other, pressed between their stomachs.  Joey
lifted up a little and kissed Stephen with the intent of letting Stephen's
now softening penis roll from pointing towards his stomach to softly hanging
over his sac.  Joey then lay back down so that he lay on Stephen, the cock
now just under his ass, where he would know if his lover would be interested
in another round of fun and games.  He stared into the eyes of the man he
loved and had just made love to.  He scanned Stephen's entire face. Studying
the eyebrows.  Staring at his lips, those soft, passionate lips that he
couldn't kiss enough.  Memorizing every pore, every stubble of his unshaven
face, the shape of his nose.  If ever someone could focus every fiber of
their being on one object, Joey was consuming Stephen in his mind.

Joey kissed Stephen one more time and laid his head on his chest.  He
listened to the rhythmic beating of the heart just below him.  They say that
when a baby is born, it is good for them to be placed on their mother's
chest as soon as possible.  They can hear the sound of the heart that they
had listened to in the womb for nine months, and that this gives a newborn
baby the comfort it needs as it enters this cold, cruel world.  Joey had
read that somewhere and as he lay now he understood what the article meant.
He listened to the deep, drum-like pounding of Stephen's heart, still racing
from the exertion of the lovemaking they had just shared.  He felt a rebirth
every time that he and Stephen made love.  He felt secure.  They had been
together for only a couple of months now, but their love for each other as
father and son was as strong as any man and son.  The fact that they were
lovers made that bond even tighter.

It hadn't been a bed of roses, mind you.  Joey's near rape was a cause for
concern.  Stephen still feared that Joey had not really dealt with all of
the aftermath of the attack.  They only broached the subject occasionally,
but Joey still had no recall of the events after the point that he received
the blow that had given him a concussion.  This was a missing piece of an
ugly puzzle, but Joey had experienced missing pieces in all of his life, so
he was less concerned by it than most people would be.  Stephen, however,
still carried some guilt and anger that his precious boy had almost been
violated.  This was more troubling to Stephen when he was going about the
business of living.  A sudden flash of thought about it and Stephen's fury
would rage.  But when they were intimate, undisturbed by the outside world,
the pain was forgotten and their love dissipated anything that would stand
in the way.

There was also the pressure of dealing with Joey's family, experiencing some
rejection and hatred.  Joey had spoken to his mother only a couple of times,
letting her know that he was becoming truly happy.  He wanted to see her,
but his step father must have had a sixth sense about it, making plans that
kept his mother from getting away to see Joey.  Joey really didn't see this
as having to do with his sexual preferences; he just felt that Thompson was
still jealous of him, the same way he had been when Joey was growing up.

Stephen was disappointed that Jeff seemed to avoid him, but Stephen was
willing to give Jeff all the time he needed to reconcile his feelings.  He
kept his distance from the Wood family, but it hurt nonetheless, because
Jeff was the closest thing he had ever had to a brother.  It had been a
couple of weeks since Stephen had met with Katie where she confronted him
with her suspicions and Stephen acknowledged the truth.  He still had not
opened up to his relatives or to any other members of Susan's family and
Katie had kept her promise to remain quiet.  He knew that it was only a
matter of time before he would have to make an appearance at a family
function, bringing Joey into the glare of their examination.

Through it all, life went on.  Stephen took the rest of the summer off
before beginning at his new job.  He stepped in, right away taking charge of
a department that had been in disarray.  Although he had spent his whole
career in public accounting and not supervising a staff, he felt quite
comfortable instituting changes quickly.  The owners noticed the improvement
and were heaping praise upon Stephen almost daily.

Joey began at City College just after Labor Day.  He had not been a good
student in high school, more from a lack of self esteem than anything.  His
mom was not able to help him, not having finished high school herself.  His
step father was not about to help.  No one else gave a damn.  But now,
Stephen was there for him every night.  As Joey did his homework, Stephen
worked on things he had brought from the office.  Side by side, they would
sit at the table.  Stephen was there to answer any questions.  And just like
the teachers say, when a parent is involved in a child's schoolwork, it
shows in his performance.  It had only been a few weeks, but Joey was
bringing home the highest grades he had ever earned.  Their pride for each
other showed in their love.  They had each other and that was enough.

Joey was glad to do anything Stephen asked.  After all, Stephen had kept his
promise of buying Joey everything he needed.  The car in the complex parking
lot was ample proof of that.  So was the new CD player in the living room.
So was all the clothing which now spilled out of the closet in the bedroom.
Even the baseball gloves thrown in the corner of the living room near the
front door.  Joey would unthinkingly say "I wish I had..." or "that rules"
and poof, within a day or two, whatever Joey wanted was brought in by
Stephen as he came home from work.  It became a tradition between the two
that whenever Stephen walked in with another gift, Joey would walk over to
Stephen and rub his stomach, saying "Thank you, Genie."  That night in bed,
Joey would rub Stephen's stomach again, repeating the magic phrase, but
before he was through would slide down to the package in Stephen's pants.
When Joey was horny, he would ask Stephen if Gene was available.  He was
always honored to be able to show his love for Stephen.

One Friday evening, Stephen asked Joey to run to the market for a couple of
things for the weekend.  Nothing unusual.  Joey was gone about half an hour.
  He walked in the door and nearly dropped the bag of groceries as he met
several people who were screaming, "Surprise.  Happy Birthday!"  Joey
flashed a wide grin, partially out of shock and partially to hide the fact
that he was overwhelmed by the outpouring of affection.  The small apartment
was brimming over with people, but that didn't take much.  Jeff and Donna
had brought the twins, Katie was there with Tim, and a couple of guys that
had come to the apartment to work on school projects with Joey, but were
unaware of the true relationship between Stephen and Joey.  That was enough
to bring the room to overflowing.

The party was simple, burgers followed by a birthday cake.  Katie bought
Joey a new Speedo suit.   As he opened it, he blushed.  Everyone laughed and
Katie teased him, "Why don't you put that on and model it for everyone?"

Before Joey could answer, Stephen jumped in, taking the small piece of
material from Joey, saying, "Right now might not be the time... uh, you
know, there are children present."  He nodded over to the twins who were
lying on the floor totally engrossed in a movie.

Katie leaned over to Joey and whispered in his ear, "I wonder who would be
more embarrassed, you or Uncle Steve?"

Joey blushed another shade darker, then smiled and the two of them laughed.
He was more confident of himself and was beginning to be able to give as
good as he got.  He whispered back to Katie, "Yeah, but who would be more
turned on, you or him?"  In unison, now loud enough for everyone to hear,
they both said, "Him!"  Although no one else in the room had heard the
exchange, every one looked at Stephen, who began to blush.

Donna and Jeff handed a larger package to Joey.  She said, "I know you and I
are still pretty much strangers, but I remember something Jeff said to me
the night he told me you were going to move in with Stephen.  If you don't
think it is a good idea, I won't be hurt.  It was just something I saw and I
thought of you."

Joey opened the weighty box and pulled back the tissue.  Inside was a
beautiful double picture frame, trimmed in gold leaf that would hold two
8x10 pictures.  He carefully lifted the frame out of the box.  Stephen
walked over to look at what Donna had purchased.  She rubbed Joey's arm
gently, "I know a little about what brought you two together, and I think
that they should be together too."  That was too much for both Joey and
Stephen, and each one shed a tear.  Joey set the frame down, stood up and
bent down to hug Donna.  He turned to Jeff, standing behind Donna and
extended his hand.  Jeff took the hand and pulled him closer.  He put his
arm around him and hugged him.  As they hugged, Jeff whispered, "Thank you.
You have brought Stephen back to us.  We will be forever grateful, and I
don't think that we could give you any gift in return to match it."

Finally, it was Stephen's turn.  He spoke first, "I want to say to everyone
here that I am so lucky that I met Joey.  He woke me up to living again and
for that I am so thankful.  I tried to think of a gift for his birthday that
would show how much I love him.  But since I have bought everything under
the sun for him, I couldn't come up with anything special enough to
celebrate this day.  Then I thought, since he has everything he needs, why
don't I give him something to put it in."

Stephen handed Joey a small jewelry box.  It contained two items.  The first
was a ring, inside which were the initials SA+JE.  Joey tried the ring on
and it fit perfectly.  Then he took out a key.  Just an ordinary key hanging
from a strap of leather.  He looked at Stephen quizzically.

"I assume that this key opens something.  I don't mean to sound greedy, but
is there something more to this key?"

Stephen began, "Once Jeff helped me find my new job, I was convinced that we
should find a new place to live.  I knew of a quiet two bedroom house that
is only a short distance from City College.  I called a broker and said I
was interested in buying it.  I really wanted to be in a new place before
you started school but it took a little longer than I thought.  I decided
that since I missed my first deadline, I thought your birthday would make
for good timing.  Like I told you before, I've saved enough to buy any place
I'm interested in, so I closed the deal as soon as the paperwork was drawn
up."

"Have you seen this place?"

"Yeah, I guess you can say I have."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I used to live there."

It took a couple of seconds for that statement to sink in.  Jeff, Donna, and
Katie were stunned by Stephen's words.  Joey thought a little longer.  He
knew most of Stephen's story and he couldn't figure when he might have lived
there.  Except ...

"You can't be serious, Stephen.  I mean, think about it, for God's sakes."

"Yes, I am serious.  I am ready to go on with my life."  Stephen spoke with
great conviction.  Joey walked over to Stephen.  He got right in Stephen's
face, looking directly into his eyes, where he knew he would find the truth.
  Stephen would not, no, he could not lie to Joey.

"No, Stephen.  What were you thinking?  Have you gone crazy?"

Donna chipped in, "Think about this Stephen.  How will you deal with the
neighbors?  Are you ready for what they will say?"

Jeff added, "Remember how hard it was for you to walk into that place.  You
practically lived at our place until you moved here.  What makes you think
you can walk back into that house now?"

"I'm not crazy.  I've thought about it.  I am ready to face my demons.  I
want to pick up the pieces and go on.  Scott and Susan were my family.  I
know I can never replace them.  But I've got Joey now.  He is my family.
And I want my family in our home.  We are moving back into my house -  where
Susan, Scott and I lived."  He hugged Joey tightly.  "Joey, I was
emotionally dead for two years.  You restarted my life and I want to pick up
where I left off.  The movers will be here tomorrow."