Date: Tue, 02 May 2000 18:03:12 GMT
From: Wayne Patrick <wppsd@hotmail.com>
Subject: gay/beginning/searching-for-a-son-15

Disclaimers:  Please see chapter one for all disclaimers.  If you wish to
reprint this series, please contact the author for permission.  Thank you.

*****

Just then, a cry of anguish wailed from the bedroom.  Jeff and Joey ran back
to find Stephen standing at the dresser, completely naked, holding a
photograph.  Joey's heart broke as he realized that he hadn't been careful
enough with the picture that he had found last night at Jeff and Donna's
house.  Stephen was on his way to the bathroom when he had seen the photo,
and that picture had jogged his memory.  It was all that was needed to bring
Stephen back to reality.  That is what had precipitated the sadness and hurt
Jeff and Joey had heard.

As the tears ran down his face, Stephen looked to the two men standing in
the doorway and simply stated, "He's gone."

Joey walked over to Stephen and wrapped his arms around him.  Stephen rested
his head on Joey's shoulder and the tears poured out for his little boy.
Jeff closed the door to the bedroom to give the two lovers their privacy,
but only made it as far as the living room before he sat on the sofa and
cried.  When he was finished, he quietly left the house, making sure the
front door was locked.


Chapter 40

Tim had taken Katie home and held her as the shock and terror of what she
had seen in the hospital was released.  She couldn't comprehend how Stephen
could believe that Scott was still alive.  It took a lot of talking, a lot
of holding, and a lot of crying before Tim could help her see that this was
just a temporary thing.  But finally, she saw it for what it was, a hiccup
that would go away.  But she was so afraid for Stephen because reality would
come back home, and she had watched too many members of her family agonize
over the death of Susan.  And now, that pain had to be revisited one more
time.
Katie picked up the phone and called to Stephen and Joey's house.  She was
worried about what was going on.  Joey answered.

"Hello."

"Joey, it's Katie.  How is he?"

"Oh, Katie."  His voice shook, his frustration of having failed Stephen
showing.  The hurt caused by his carelessness was so incredibly deep that he
could no longer rejoice in the fact that Stephen was alive and home.  "I
made a terrible mistake.  He remembers everything now.  I am so scared that
it's too soon though.  He is just sitting outside in the back yard.  I don't
even dare talk to him.  Can you come over?"

"Tim and I are on the way."

They arrived quickly.  Katie and Tim had already worked out a plan. Katie
grabbed Joey and held him tightly as they met at the front door.  She would
help Joey while Tim went into the backyard to see what was going through
Stephen's mind.   Katie was family, and the clear-thinking Tim suggested
that seeing another family member might not be in Stephen's best interest at
this time.  Tim walked through the house and out the back door.  Stephen sat
in a chair, facing the open side of the yard.  Tim watched Stephen as his
eye followed birds flying through the air and the sway of the branches of
the trees.  It was a beautiful day, and if one needed to be outside, at
least God was cooperating with the weather.

Tim approached Stephen.  He sat on the grass in front of him and looked into
the saddest face he had ever seen.  Stephen looked as if the accident had
happened last night, and as far as he was concerned, it had.  The good eye
was red and blood shot and the eye that had met with Danny's fist looked
worse that what Tim had seen in the hospital, aggravated by all of the tears
Stephen had shed today.  Stephen appeared to have expended every bit of
energy he had in coming to grips with the old, painful memories of Susan and
Scott.

"I am so sorry Stephen.  Is there anything you need to say?  Is there
anything you want someone to hear?"

Stephen broke his concentration from watching nature and life go on around
him.  He had had plenty of time to think, to remember all the hurt and pain
immediately after the accident.  He recalled all the time spent at Jeff's
house running away.  He thought of all the time he would spend lying awake
at night, trying to sort out the mess that he had made of his life.  If Tim
was a willing listener, he was going to get both barrels of the truth.

"Have you ever had a time in your life where you thought things couldn't get
worse?  You had no family, no one felt like your friend, you had no one you
could tell your problems to.  Have you ever felt like you were in a deep
dark hole that you couldn't climb out of?  Sitting at the bottom of that
hole, running your hand on the walls, knowing that the sides were too smooth
to get a foothold to climb out.  I've was there, Tim.  After the accident, I
was there.  There were times I can remember the hurt being so bad that I was
convinced that a bullet in my brain would have felt better than the hurt in
my heart."

He took the photograph and flipped it to Tim.  "Night after night I lay away
at Jeff's house, holding that picture.  That was my gun.  I pulled that
trigger and every night, I could splatter my brain as many times as I
wanted.  And yet, the pain in my heart never went away.  I could never
forgive myself for what I had done to my life and my son."

Tim pulled himself up to his knees, crawling over to Stephen.  He wrapped
his arms around Stephen and even kissed him gently on the cheek.  He thought
to the words that he had just used with Katie at her apartment.  He
remembered what he said to help her deal with the sadness.  He prayed that
he could use similar words again to help Stephen.

"It hurts, Stephen, I know it hurts.  And there must be a time for grieving.
  And you should.  If you don't, you'll wind up an angry man, just like
Danny.  But Stephen, I've watched you in the few months I've known you, and
you have become a man who seems to have made peace with this.  And I know
how you were able to get that peace.  There is a young man sitting inside
whose heart is breaking.  He loves you more than anyone ever has.  He
worships you; you are everything he wants to be when he grows up.  He has
looked for love all his life and he finally found it in you.  And the man he
loves isn't the man in you who wants to put a bullet in his brain.  It's a
kind, considerate, caring person that loves that boy, and one that boy loves
back.  You are not alone Stephen and you will never be alone.  I promise you
that as long as that boy is here, you will receive more love that anyone I
know.  And right now, you both need each other.  You shouldn't be out here
alone in the yard.  You should be in that house, hugging, kissing and
feeling all of the love Joey has for you."

It was all Stephen could say.  "Thank you, Tim."

Stephen got up and walked into the house.  He entered the living room to see
Katie's arm wrapped around the slumped shoulders of Joey.  Neither of them
moved.  Katie could not get Joey to talk.  He had climbed back into his
shell.  Joey had few words to say, simply because the only words running
through his mind were "I'm sorry" over and over.  Stephen looked at the
young man and knew that Tim had been absolutely right.  He would never have
to feel that being dead would be an option.  One look at the boy sitting on
the sofa, and Stephen forgot all of the pain that he had left outside in the
back yard.

"Joey.  I love you."

Joey raised his head from his hands.  He looked into the face of Stephen.
Stephen extended his arms to his boy and gently smiled.  Joey leaped from
the sofa into those arms and just wrapped himself into Stephen's chest,
their arms tightly around each other.  There was no crying this time, there
was no sound.  All of the electricity of love that was surging in that room
passed between the two men.  The outpouring of love between Stephen and Joey
filled the room so much that Tim was steered into Katie's arms and began
kissing her as well.  The grieving could end and life could go on.

Later that evening, everyone sat around the kitchen table talking.  Katie
filled in the events that happened at the reception after Stephen was taken
away and what was going on in the family.  Many family members told Katie to
tell Stephen that they were sorry for what that "homophobic moron" had done.
  Almost unanimously, every one of the members of the Parker family had told
Katie that they wanted to see Stephen and tell him how happy they were that
he had found someone.  It didn't matter that it was Joey.  If that is what
Stephen wanted, then they were happy.

Katie also told them that because the paramedics had been called to the
reception, the police had also appeared and the Danny had been arrested and
taken to jail for what he had done to Stephen.

Stephen shook his head.  "No, that's not right.  I don't want Danny to go to
jail over this."

"But he hit you because he found out you were gay," Tim said.

Stephen shook his head more fiercely.  "No.  That wasn't it.  I've got to do
something about this.  Please, guys, you've got to help me."


Chapter 41

Monday morning, nine a.m., downtown in the county courthouse.

"All rise.  Court is now in session.  The honorable Judge James presiding."

The judge sat at his bench, surveying the audience.  He opened the folder on
his desk and began the day's docket.

"The first case I have before me is an arraignment.  The State of California
versus Daniel Parker.  Is the defendant present?"

Danny was brought out wearing a bright orange county prison uniform,
escorted by his lawyer.  His face was ashen. He could not believe what had
happened over the weekend.  One minute he was celebrating the marriage of
his son with his family, and the next minute he was hauled up in court like
the common criminal that he was accused of being.  He looked to the audience
to see Claire and Adam sitting side-by-side, Adam with his arm wrapped
around his distraught mother, tears pouring down her face.  Behind them sat
Katie, nervously hoping that Tim would be there soon.

"Mr. Parker, you have been charged with assault and battery on one Mr.
Stephen Andrews.  Mr. District Attorney, please present the facts as the
state represents them."

"Judge James," the attorney began, "Mr. Parker assaulted Mr. Andrews at the
wedding of Mr. Parker's son Adam.  Apparently, Mr. Parker became enraged
when it was revealed that Mr. Andrews, who was the defendant's former
brother-in-law, was a homosexual.  For that reason, the state is asking that
the charge be listed as aggravated assault and a hate crime.  We are asking
that Mr. Parker be held over in county jail and that bail be set at
$500,000.  We find that all hate crimes are reprehensible and that in Mr.
Parker's case, the crime is so severe that he should not be treated lightly.
  The beating Mr. Andrews took caused him to be admitted to the hospital,
where we understand that it took 45 stitches to close the wounds from his
injuries and that he suffered some loss of mental capabilities."

Judge James peered at Danny over his glasses.  The learned man was not going
to treat Danny with kid gloves.  As a matter of fact, Danny was probably
unlucky in drawing the toughest judge in the county.  The judge asked, "Mr.
Parker, how do you plead?"

Danny's attorney spoke for him.  "Your honor, my client does not deny
striking Mr. Andrews.  Practically every one in this room was a witness to
it.  However, Mr. Parker denies that it was done simply because Mr. Andrews
is gay, and denies that this crime was a hate crime.  We plead not guilty to
the crime of aggravated assault and ask that this be treated as an ordinary
assault case with a reasonable bail to be set at your discretion."

The judge flipped through the file again.  He closed the folder and looked
directly at Danny.

"Mr. Parker, I cannot see anything in this file that would present
mitigating circumstances to allow me to reduce the charges as presented by
the District Attorney's office.  If you can't show me something right now to
change my mind, I will proceed as the D.A. has requested."

Danny was shocked. His attorney wrapped his arm around Danny's waist to help
hold him up.  Claire buried her head in Adam's shoulder, terrified that the
man she loved was going to go to prison for a long time.

As the judge began to remand Danny to county jail, the doors of the
courtroom opened.  All heads turned to see what was disrupting the
proceedings.  Tim walked in.  He surveyed the room with a serious look on
his face.  His eyes met Katie's and he could see that things were not going
well.  The Judge looked at Tim with some annoyance as he wanted the
arraignment to go quickly.  There was a full load waiting from the weekend.

"Yes," the judge began, "Can I help you?"

Tim stood tall.  "Your honor, if I might interrupt these proceedings for a
minute, I would like to present some information that may help you in your
decision.  May I have thirty seconds."

The judge was not keen on disruptions in his court, but the look on Tim's
face suggested that this was not an attempt to waste time.  Tim's look meant
business.  "Thirty seconds and no more."

Tim stepped outside, and crooked his finger to someone or something out in
the hall.  He held the door wide to let Joey and Stephen enter the
courtroom.  Stephen's face was still a mess, his eye swollen shut, the left
side of his face shaded in multiple hues of purples and reds.  He held
Joey's hand, mostly for affection for his boy, but also to be sure that he
didn't trip or hurt himself as his vision was restricted.  He walked to the
front of the audience and began addressing the judge.

"Your honor, I am Stephen Andrews.  I would like to speak on behalf of the
defendant, Mr. Parker."

The judge was taken back.  The victim was going to bat for the defendant.
He was willing to listen.  "Go ahead, sir."

Stephen was not entirely sure how to behave in this situation.  He had
talked to Jeff the night before, and he decided how he wanted to do it.

"Your honor, if it pleases the court, I request that all charges against Mr.
Parker be dropped.  I was informed by relatives last night," as he tried to
glance at Katie, who was sitting right next to where he stood, "that Mr.
Parker was being charged with a hate crime.  Your honor, we all recognize
that most attacks on gays are true hate crime and that they should be
treated with the greatest severity.  I know for a fact, however, that this
was not a hate crime and that Mr. Parker might have struck me regardless of
the situation.  May I explain?"

This intrigued the judge.   At least, this case wouldn't be the mundane,
boring stuff that he looked at for the rest of the day.  "By all means, Mr.
Andrews."

"In the split seconds before Mr. Parker struck me, as he approached me, I
was able to look in his eyes.  I didn't not at that moment see a
gay-bashing, hate monger.  I saw a man who had lost his sister two years ago
in a tragic and horrible automobile accident.  I saw a man who never got to
say goodbye to the one person he was closest to his whole life.  I saw a man
who had a rage, and an anger over the death of his sister that needed to
come out.  Your honor, I truly believe that if I had introduced a woman as
the person that I was in love with, Mr. Parker would have struck me just the
same.  Maybe Mr. Parker needs help in managing his anger, but he definitely
needs compassion and understanding.  No one else saw what passed between Mr.
Parker and myself.  I saw very clearly in that moment and could understand.
But your honor, we all handle grief differently, and I have handled mine by
finding this young man who stands beside me today.  Without him and his love
and courage, I might one day have done the same thing that Mr. Parker did
this weekend.  I ask the court to look with leniency on the events of this
weekend and help this man.  Prison is not the answer in this very unusual
particular case."

The judge slowly nodded.  "I am very impressed, Mr. Andrews.  Your eloquence
doesn't not fall upon deaf ears.  With the agreement of the District
Attorney's office, I will recommend that Mr. Parker be released with a
promise that he seek counseling for anger management and that he report on
his progress monthly.  I will suspense any charges unless I see that Mr.
Parker had stopped making attempts to deal with his grief.  If so, I will
reinstate the charges.  Mr. Parker, I also suggest that you include in your
counseling some help with respect to dealing with your brother-in-law.
Personally, I feel that if you don't learn to accept who he is, then you
will be a lesser man for it.  Good day, gentlemen.  This case will be
referred to the District Attorney to arrange monitoring of Mr. Parker's
counseling."

Danny wheeled about and leaned over the railing to hug Claire.  Tears poured
from both of them.  Adam watched his parents hug before they pulled him into
their love.  Then Katie was pulled into the group.  The hug continued until
the bailiff walked over and whispered that they were holding up Judge James,
and that they should go outside in the hall to continue.  When they broke,
Danny looked to Katie. "Where's Stephen?"  He wanted the healing to begin
now.  Danny remembered all the times that Susan had told him that no matter
what, she loved Stephen and that whatever problems they faced, their love
would help them survive.  Danny knew what that felt like now, and he wanted
to find Stephen to beg forgiveness.

Tim and Joey had quickly whisked Stephen away and out of the courthouse.
This was hard on Stephen as he was still weak, but he had insisted on going
to the courtroom today.  No matter what Danny thought of Stephen, Stephen
knew that Susan was watching what Stephen had done for her and her brother,
and Stephen felt a warmth inside him letting him know that he had done the
right thing.  There would be time later for a reconciliation with Danny.