Date: Tue, 15 Feb 2000 19:09:10 GMT
From: Wayne Patrick <wppsd@hotmail.com>
Subject: gay/beginning/searching for a son 7

Disclaimers:  Please see chapter 1 for disclaimers.  If you shouldn't be
here, and you know who you are, please leave now.

A note from the writer:  I want to send a message to everyone who has
written me about this story.  Thank you.  Your words have been an
inspiration.

I want you to know that many people say they have identified with Joey at
some level.  I want you to know that my heart goes to you.  To each of you,
I wish that someday you too will find your Stephen.

*****


"Well, it's quarter to five now.  You'd better go in.  Let me know if you
need anything for the burn.  I've got some stuff to rub on you that'll take
the sting out right away."  Kevin liked the look of this new neighbor.  He
thought that he'd like to rub lotion all over this kid's body.  And if he
played his cards right, they could hook up for the rest of the summer since
they both would be looking for entertainment.

Joey stood up, picked up his towel, and nodded, "Thanks for the offer.  I'm
sure dad has something in the house."  As he left, Kevin checked out the
back side of Joey's suit, letting a soft hum out.  "Nice," he thought to
himself.


*****

Chapter 18

Joey unlocked the door to the apartment and walked in.  He stopped at the
telephone to check on the answering machine.  There had been no messages.
Joey frowned to see the light not blinking.  He missed Stephen, and he
really wanted him home with him.  He went to the bathroom and stripped off
his bathing suit.  He looked in the mirror to confirm that Kevin's
assessment of his suntan was right.  His usual hot shower would definitely
not feel good on his sunburn, so he turned the water to a medium cool
setting.  Stepping into the water, he let it run over the top of his head.
The water, where it felt cool at the top, seemed to heat up as it ran down
his body, reaching his feet feeling quite warm.  He wished that the water
would take the heat out of his burn.

After a few minutes, he stepped away from the spray, wiping the water from
his eyes, and running his hand down his chest.  His fingers grazed his
nipples.  His dick immediately began to spring to attention.  He rubbed his
nipples a few more times and then reached down to his increasingly hardening
rod.  He stroked this a few times, closing his eyes to heighten the
pleasure.  When he used to jack off, he would close his eyes and picture
other people, usually playing with themselves.  He didn't have enough
experience to really picture two people making love, or even to think of
someone sucking on his dick.  But this time, when he tried to picture
pleasure, his mind flashed to a man laying on a bed in a motel room.  A man
standing in a shower.  The same man laying on his back in bed, a smile of
concentrated pleasure glowing on his face as Joey looked up at him from his
waist, where Joey's mouth surrounded the man's penis.  Joey stopped.  He
knew that all of the sexual pleasure he desired, he wanted to share with
Stephen.  Sex for the sake of sex had ceased to exist, at least for the
moment.  Now he needed sex combined with love.  One without the other would
feel very empty and unsatisfying.  He stepped back under the water, where
the coolness of the water also cooled his desire for release.

When the water had finished its job and Joey felt more comfortable, he shut
off the faucet and stepped out of the shower.  As he threw open the curtain,
he was startled to see a man standing in the doorway to the bathroom.  The
man stood there holding a towel in both of his hands, reaching forward as if
to reach for Joey, lift him out of the tub, and towel him off.

"I haven't done this in a couple of years.  I thought my years of giving
someone I loved a bath were over.  I am so glad they're not."

"You can give me a bath anytime you want.  As a matter of fact, you can take
a bath with me whenever you want."

Joey stepped out of the tub and Stephen stepped forward to him, wrapping him
in the towel and wiping the water from Joey's face with his left hand, then
running the towel through his hair.  The other hand wrapped in the towel
soon moved to Joey's chest and began drying the drops of water that hung
from the few hairs Joey had there.  Stephen pressed a little too hard on
Joey's skin, and Joey yelped as the sting of his sunburn scorched his chest.

"Did we go down to the pool this afternoon?"

"Yeah, and we fell asleep.  And we got a big time sunburn.  Got anything for
it?"

"I've got some aloe vera in the medicine cabinet.  Let me finish drying you.
  I'll be careful.  Then we can go in the bedroom and I'll put some lotion
on you."

Stephen resumed with the towel, but much more gently this time.  When the
towel grazed his nipples again, something appeared from below the towel and
began to grow in the direction of Stephen.

"Ah ha, look who we have here."  Stephen bent over for a second, gently
kissing the head.  "Were we lonely today?  I hope we didn't burn down here."

"No, we're not burned there.  But we both missed you."  With that, a still
slightly wet Joey wrapped his arms around Stephen, giving him a hug, careful
not to enrage his sunburn.  He followed that with a long passionate kiss,
both men taking turns exchanging tongues in the other's mouth.  "I can't
believe how fast I have come to love you."

"I love you too, my boy."

They walked to the bedroom.  Stephen laid the towel on the bed and Joey laid
on his stomach on the towel.  Stephen squeezed some of the aloe on Joey's
back, and the icy cold ointment caused Joey to shiver.  Stephen's hands
spread the gel around Joey's body, warming it as he worked it into the skin.
  Stephen's hands also spread gel on parts of Joey's body that had never
seen the sun.

"Hey, I'm not burned there."

"Oh, be quiet, and take your medicine like a good little boy.  If you
behave, I promise to make everything feel better."

"Everything?"

"Everything."

And Stephen was true to his word.  When he had finished playing nurse, he
rolled Joey onto his back, taking Joey's cock in his hands, and then his
mouth.  His efforts took very little time before Joey rewarded him with a
mouthful of his seed.  He slid up Joey's body to his face and kissed his
lover one more time.

When Joey came back down from the orgasmic high, he smiled.  "Thank you.  I
love you.  Why don't you change clothes, and I'll go to the kitchen and put
dinner together."

"Thank you.  I'll see you in the living room in a few minutes."

Joey left to fix the salad and marinate the meat.  Stephen sat down on the
bed, watching Joey leave the room.  When he was gone, he thought back to his
meetings in the afternoon.  He rested his head in his hands and took a deep
breath.  What had started as one of his happiest days at work had become a
living hell.  He considered whether he should share the news with Joey.
Although Joey knew practically nothing of Stephen's job, the events of the
day impacted Joey and Stephen felt that he should be aware of what could
happen.  One day, Joey would go into the business world, and he needed to
know what to expect.  Stephen decided that he would tell Joey after dinner.


Chapter 19

The boys went down to the apartment complex's grill where they cooked their
steaks.  Stephen was pretty quiet, listening to Joey rattle on about this
and that.  Stephen tried with all his might to give Joey the attention he
needed, but the weight of the events at work left him obviously distracted.
Joey talked for a while, then looked at his lover's face, recognizing that
Stephen wasn't totally there.

"Hey, hello in there.  Earth calling Stephen."  Stephen snapped to attention
when he heard his name.  "What's wrong?  Something is eating you and it
isn't me.  Do you want to talk about it?"

"Yeah, I do want to talk about it, but I want to chew on it a little more
before I share it with you.  Maybe after dinner we can walk down to the
beach."

The two men were quiet through the meal.  Joey chowed down like only a
teenage boy can, but Stephen did not finish his steak.  When Stephen pushed
away from the table, Joey immediately leaped up, clearing the table and not
letting Stephen help.  Each time he walked toward the table, he made sure
that Stephen could see that he was smiling, hoping that the smile would be
reflected back in Stephen's face.  Stephen sat at the table with admiration
for the young boy who was trying his best to make the hurt go away.

"All finished, everything is cleaned up.  Do you want to take chairs to the
beach, or can we just go with some towels to sit on?"

"I think I really just want to walk, we can still on the seawall if we want
to stop."

"Anything you want to take with us?"

"Nope.  Just make sure you bring your beautiful smile.  I need to see it."

"I will always have a smile for you."  Joey leaned over and softly kissed
Stephen on the cheek.  It was uncanny how the two were able to switch from
passionate sexual kisses to more gentle affectionate kisses.  In the few
days that they had known each other, they had never misinterpreted what the
other one needed - affection or passion.  Even the first time, when Stephen
thought he had nearly driven Joey away, the innocent kiss that began this
love affair had been what both of them needed.  They didn't need sex then,
they needed to be loved by someone.  It was also true now.  Maybe their
souls were so similar that they would always instinctively know what the
other one needed.

The walk to beach took very little time.  As they walked, their bodies
stayed in contact almost continuously.  They didn't openly hold hands, they
had not gotten brave enough for that yet.  But they walked so close to each
other that their shoulders swung in unison, keeping their pace even.  Much
like two little boys in kindergarten using the buddy system, they walked the
five or six blocks to the beach.  When they got to the street corners, one
of them would always grab the wrist or hand of the other, to protect them
from the traffic.  More often, it was Joey who watched out for Stephen as he
seemed very distracted by what was churning in his mind.

They arrived at the boardwalk shortly after seven.  That would give them at
least an hour and a half before the sun would set.

"Which way should we walk?  Is there somewhere special you like to go?"
Joey had never been down here, of course.  This was Stephen's neighborhood,
and anywhere he wanted to go was fine with Joey.

"Let's just sit for a few minutes.  I think I am ready to talk."

They crossed the sidewalk, sat on the seawall and threw their legs over
toward the sand.  Stephen looked into the ocean, watching the two to three
foot breakers and the surfers still out on their boards.  Joey just looked
at Stephen.  He was his world and he knew that Stephen needed someone to
just listen.  He waited for Stephen to start.

"This morning when I first got to the office, everyone could apparently see
that something had happened this weekend.  I guess when you're in love, it's
hard to hide.  Everyone wanted to know what was going on.  I really don't
get involved with those office games, but Jeff, who I've known for ten
years, came in to my office and wanted to know what was going on.  There is
no way that I would be able to keep this hidden from Jeff.  Besides, I love
you too much to keep you stashed away in some separate little corner of my
life.  I knew he would have to be told.  So we went to lunch.

"We went out to a place not far from work.  Before we could even sit down,
Jeff was pressing me for the details.  `Alright, let's have it.  Who is
she?'  That's how he began lunch.  You have to understand, Jeff has been my
best friend for almost ten years.  I began by telling him that what I had to
say was between friends and not to be repeated.  He nodded and said that he
respected that.  I proceeded to tell him about you.  I told him how you had
caught my eye in the Sandwich Shoppe, how much you reminded me of Scott, how
I had touched your hand and felt something that I hadn't felt, even with
Susan.  I finished telling the story of the weekend, how you had to move
out, and how I agreed to take care of you.  My last sentence was the first
time I said the word `love' in my whole conversation.  I finished by saying,
`Jeff, I love him so much it hurts.'  Jeff didn't say anything through the
whole ten or fifteen minutes I took to tell the story.    When I was done,
there were tears in my eyes.  I looked at Jeff and he just sat there stone
cold.  I didn't know what to expect from him."

By this time, Joey had changed his position, straddling the seawall.  He
slid right next to Stephen.  He had taken Stephen's hand in his and was
gently stroking the back of it.  Joey had placed Stephen's hand over Joey's
heart.  This had become Joey's trademark.  This was his signal to Stephen to
remind him that they were now one and that they would stay that way no
matter what.

The tears had began to well up again for Stephen.  The pain and hurt of what
happened the rest of the day struck him hard again.  He blew out a heavy,
hurting breath and continued, "Jeff said, `I can't believe you would do this
to Susan.  I would understand if you have come to me and told me you had
found some woman to start dating.  I would have said that it was about time.
  But to sit here and tell me that what you had with Susan could easily be
forgotten by spending a weekend with some teenage boy is insulting.  How
dare you desecrate her memory with this!'"

This was the most unexpected response.  Stephen was shocked by such anger
from his friend.  What Stephen never knew was that, just after he had
started dating Susan in college, Jeff had met her in one of his classes and
had become smitten with her.  He had not resented the fact that Stephen had
gotten to her first.  And he had graciously avoided competing for Susan's
affections out of respect for his friend.  Jeff had gone on with his life
and had found another girl who he would later marry.  Jeff was enraged
because it occurred to him that he had let a fag beat him in competition for
a girl.  Even if the fag had been a closet one at the time.  This had
wounded his ego immensely, even though he would never admit it.

"I asked him, `What are you going to do?'  He told me that this was too much
to react to immediately and that he would think about it.  I asked him,
`Can't we still be friends, you know, I am the same person I was before?'
He said that he wasn't really sure that I was the same person.  He would
have to think about what it would mean to our friendship."

Joey spoke up.  "I am so sorry that this has happened to you.  I would never
hurt you and if I had known that I would be the cause of the end of a long
friendship, I would have walked away."

Stephen's head, which had been sagging down on his chest, shot up and spun
to look at Joey.  "Let me tell you one thing, young man," he said as an
anger Joey had only seen once before, aimed at his step father, was now
directed at him.  "You did not do anything wrong.  This is absolutely not
your fault and I will not let you take any blame for this.  Is that
understood?"

Joey did not flinch.  He stared directly back into Stephen's face.  Stephen
had his share of anger to unleash, and Joey would gladly accept his wrath if
it meant that Stephen would feel better.  He wanted to share the hurt of his
man, and he would not shy away from anything that needed to be done.  If
there was pain in Stephen's heart, he wanted it to be in him instead.  Love
makes you want to take all the pain upon yourself.

"Yes, sir."  Joey waited a minute for the anger to subside, then softly
asked Stephen, "Did he say anything to you this afternoon?"

Stephen bowed his head again.  "This afternoon we had an office meeting.
Everyone knew that there would be a major announcement, but no one in the
office knew what was going to happen.  They even hired temporary help so
that all the secretaries and receptionists would be included.  The two
senior partners who founded the company stood before everyone in the
conference room and informed everyone that they had decided to retire from
the active day-to-day operations.  They also told everyone that, after
careful review of the partners and managers in the company, they had
selected the new operations and personnel partners.  The new operations
partner was one of the junior partners who had been with the firm almost as
long as the two retiring men.  He was brought up to the front of the room
and was met with a warm round of applause.  He is one of the nicest guys you
could meet and everyone was happy for him.  Then they announced that the new
personnel partner was a manager who was being promoted to partner for his
contributions to the company, and would become the personnel manager as
well.  Then Jeff stood up.  He shook hands with the two men and then turned
to face the rest of the staff.  His eyes fixed upon me for a second and shot
me a hard look.

"After the meeting, I went back to my office to work.  Jeff came in a few
minutes later.  He closed the door and sat across from me at my desk.  The
look I had seen in the conference room darkened his face again.  He said to
me, `I think that with the changes in the organization happening at this
time, it would be a good idea if you considered looking around and finding
employment with another firm.  Management feels that you have gone about as
far as you can go in this company and that your chances for advancement here
are not too good.  You are welcome to stay on until you can find other
employment, but please try to make arrangements as soon as possible.'

"I asked him if this had anything to do with what we talked about at lunch
and he told me that it didn't, that this was something that had been
considered for a few weeks, and that he had been sworn to secrecy.  My
feeling is that, if it had been, I probably would have been notified prior
to the partners' retiring.  They would have cleaned out the deadwood before
letting the new regime take over.  I think it had everything to do with what
happened at lunch.  Of course, he would never admit that."

Joey wrapped his arm around Stephen's shoulder.  "What are you going to do
now?"

"I don't know.  I've never had to look for a job since I interviewed in
college.  I may be too specialized in the work I do to be employable.  I
will go to the office tomorrow and see what everyone's mood is.  If Jeff
wants to destroy me, he will let my secret out.  If not, then when I leave,
it will look like I left because I got passed over in the reorganization.
Right now, it's up to Jeff."

Stephen eyes were hollow and empty.  He looked completely defeated.

Joey leaned in to Stephen.  "Please take me home.  I want to be alone with
you right now.  I need you and I think you need me."

Stephen nodded.  They stood up from the seawall and headed back to their
apartment.


Chapter 20

The walk home took slightly longer.  This time, Joey's arm stayed around
Stephen's waist.  They got inside and Joey led Stephen all the way back to
the bedroom.  He laid him down on the bed.  He took off his shoes and socks
and placed his head on a pillow.  This time, Joey had become the dad.  He
closed the curtains, reducing the brightness of the room.  He walked around
to the other side of the bed, kicking off his shoes and climbing in.  He
slid across the bed, laying on his side and wrapping his arm around
Stephen's waist.

He tried to think of something to say that would make Stephen feel better.
All he could do was reach up and kiss him on the cheek.  Then he kissed him
again and again.  Each time it was less of a soft father/son kiss and more
passionate, more arousing.  He placed his lips squarely on Stephen's.  He
applied a little pressure, trying to get Stephen to respond.  When Stephen
answered in kind, Joey knew he had Stephen's attention and was ready for the
next step.

"I am sorry that you feel that you lost your job today, but my mom used to
say that when God shuts a door, He opens a window.  There will be something
out there for you.  I have listened to your every word since last Friday and
it hasn't taken long for me to know you are an intelligent, sensitive man.
Someone will see what a great person you are and will recognize your
talents.  But right now, the rest of the world does not matter.  All that
matters is that we are together and I love you, Stephen Andrews.  And I want
to show you my love."

With that, Joey began unbuttoning Stephen's shirt.  He resumed kissing
Stephen, moving over his chin, down his neck to his chest.  He moved to
Stephen's left nipple, which he hovered over, then sucked, kissed, and
lightly bit.  This brought a small response from Stephen.  Joey knew that he
had brought him out of his self pitying daze and that Stephen would feel
everything that Joey had planned for him.

He pulled the drawstring from the inside of Stephen's shorts, loosened the
waist, and began pulling them down.  Although Joey did not mean to, he
caught Stephen's underwear as well, and in one motion pulled both pieces of
clothing to the foot of the bed.  Stephen laid there, passive still, but
aware of what was going on.  His cock lay on its side, not fully engorged,
but beginning to respond.  Joey massaged Stephen's legs on his way back up
from the foot of the bed, getting Stephen to squirm.  He was not going to
let Stephen just lay there while he did all the work.  Joey began kissing on
Stephen's thighs, and Stephen laughed a little as Joey tickled him lightly
with his fingers and his mouth.  This was the Stephen that Joey wanted back.
  Then he asked the most important question of his life.

"Stephen, would you make love to me now?"

Stephen looked at Joey, shocked at the request.  He studied Joey's face for
a few seconds.

"Now?"

"I can't think of anything I would rather do."  He grabbed Stephen's half
hard dick, pulling it a couple of times.  "You have had a bad day at work.
It hurts me to see you so sad.  I want you to know that someone loves you.
Now would be the time I would think you need to feel loved the most."

"But I don't want to hurt you.  Are you sure you're ready for this?"

"Never more sure than now.  Look what I got today."

Joey reached under the bed, pulling out some lube.  "I picked this up at the
pharmacy on the way home from the market.  I know we said that we would try
to learn more about how to do it, but right now, I want on the job
training."

He unscrewed the cap of the tube and handed it to Stephen.  Stephen took it
in his hands and looked at Joey in amazement.  He could not believe what
Joey had in mind.

Joey crawled off the bed to pull the bed sheets down.  He laid back down on
his side of the bed, on his back, and lifted his knees, grabbing them.  He
never took his eyes off of Stephen.  "Please make love to me."

Stephen took a little of the lube and placed it on his fingers.  His hand
was shaking as sat up and crawled next to Joey.  "Tell me what you want.
Right now I can't even think."

Joey smiled.  He had never Stephen so unsure of himself.  Stephen hadn't
been this insecure since their first meeting, but Joey hadn't noticed it
then.  "Just rub that around on my butt and make sure you get plenty of it
in me."

"Are you sure you want me to put my fingers in you?"  Stephen was really
being dense.

"If you don't put them in me, the next thing inside me is going to hurt like
hell."

They laughed.  Stephen thought about what he had just said.  Have you ever
asked yourself what was the stupidest thing you ever did or said?  Stephen
knew that when his time would be up, there would be no question in his mind.
  He would know.  And he considered himself lucky that he would always
remember the place, the date, and, most importantly, who he had said it to.

He began spreading the lube over Joey.  The feel of Stephen's hand on Joey
was incredibly pleasurable.  But Joey wanted to see Stephen's face.  He
wanted to know that for a little while all the pain and hurt in Stephen's
world was gone.  Joey's fight between his own pleasure and his love for
Stephen could not last very long.  The pleasure was going to win.  Stephen
was getting into this and he was going to do everything he could for Joey.

He spent a long time massaging and stretching Joey's ass.  Both of them were
average build, and their dicks fit nicely with the size of their bodies.
But Stephen did not want Joey to have any more pain than necessary.  He
worked and worked until he had gotten three fingers in and had spread them
inside of Joey.  He figured that it would be as big as what Joey really
wanted.

"Okay, my boy.  I guess your pretty loose.  I think that should be enough."

Joey reached across the bed to the lube.  He took what he thought was too
much and started spreading it on Stephen's rock hard pole.  "There.  Please
get on top of me, I want to see your face the first time."

Stephen crawled between Joey's legs.  He guided his dick to Joey's ass.  He
pushed slightly.  He didn't want to hurt Joey.  Joey said, "If you don't
push harder than that, we'll never get this done.  Don't worry about hurting
me.  Your love will make the pain go away soon enough."

Stephen leaned down and kissed Joey.  "I love you, how did I ever live
without you?"  He went back to work on Joey's bottom.  This time he pushed a
little harder and his head began to disappear.

Joey lifted his bottom, sliding a pillow under him when he figured out that
they were slightly off line.  He said, "See, it doesn't hur.........."

Just at that second, they lined up, Stephen was pushing, and several inches
of Stephen's dick sunk into Joey.  Joey grimaced and groaned.  Stephen
panicked, he started pulling back out.  The pain for Joey doubled.  "Oh my
god, no, I'm so sorry.  Are you alright?"  Stephen's eyes teared up.  He had
hurt his boy.

Joey stopped him by quickly locking his legs behind Stephen's back.  Through
his gritted teeth he said, "What...ever...you...do...don't...move."

Stephen froze.  If Joey said don't move, don't move was what was going to
happen.  If a mosquito had landed on Stephen's nose, he wouldn't have
swatted at it.  Joey squirmed a little under Stephen, trying to get
comfortable.  He looked into Stephen's eyes again.  The tears that had
started to form were gone, replaced by looks of concern and love.  That
helped him forget the pain pretty quickly.  He waited until the beating of
his heart eased, the throbbing in his body subsided.  He tightened the
muscles around Stephen's tool.   Stephen moaned as Joey smiled.  A couple of
minutes later, he rose up to Stephen, kissed him softly and said, "I'm okay.
  Go ahead."

Stephen slowly pushed in some more.  Joey prepared for more pain, drawing
strength from deep within.  He was going to smile for Stephen no matter how
much it hurt.  This was for Stephen.  But it never got worse, it got better.
  Stephen stopped pushing.  Now Joey was concerned, why wasn't Stephen
moving?  What was wrong?  Stephen smiled.

"You've got it all."