Date: Thu, 27 Jan 2000 21:34:25 PST
From: Robert J. Cutter <cutter57@hotmail.com>
Subject: "SIMPLE GIFTS (A Different Kind of Love)" -  MAN/MAN

Disclaimer: The following is a homoerotic love story (Man/Man).  If this
offends you, please go elsewhere.  It also contains other aspects of male
relationships that may not be acceptable to all.


			       SIMPLE  GIFTS
			 -------------------------
		      (A  DIFFERENT  KIND  OF  LOVE)
		    Copyright 2000 by Robert J. Cutter

The author retains all rights to this story.  It is not permissible to
distribute it to any newsgroups and/or other web sites without the express
written consent and permission of the author.


	During the taxi ride from the new Denver International Airport, I
had a most bizarre and unsettling feeling.  It was like I had never been to
Denver before and that everything was new and strange to me.  This was
particularly weird because I had been to Denver many times; in fact, I had
lived here for two years in the not so distant past.  I never liked living
here; I found the city too parochial for my tastes.  Then, the only topic
worth talking about concerned the Broncos.  It was a glorious day when my
company transferred me to Seattle.

	The one thing I did like about Denver, though, was Kindred Kal.
Kal was a local procurer; he could get anyone for any taste, no matter how
simple or how bizarre.  I availed myself of Kal's services many times.  As
a previously active bisexual, Kal would never know exactly what I would
want or need.  But based on questions about how I felt or what I had eaten
for dinner, he invariably managed to provide the perfect partner - or
partners, as the case may be.

	Yet, this strange, unnerving and unknown feeling persisted.  As the
car approached the hotel, a overpowering feeling of dread washed over me
and I had this peculiar sensation of foreboding - something momentous or
sinister (or both) would happen to me during my stay.

	As soon as I was settled into my room at the old Brown Palace
Hotel, I called Kal.  We chatted for a few minutes, catching up on current
things, talking about old times.  Then he began the questioning session.
He inferred from my answers that I wanted something a little out of the
ordinary for tonight, something a bit bizarre, something kinky with just
the slightest hint of S&M.  I could not tolerate too much S&M; as a severe
claustrophobe I detested being tied up or restrained in any way.

	"I got just the right guy.  Look for him at 8:30.  He'll be there."
Kal's people were always prompt.

	I now had a couple of unfilled hours before the visit and decided
to get some dinner.  I found a nearby pub.  It was one of those new
brewpub-type of operations where they brew their own beer on the premises.
It was made to look very old, whereas it was built only last year.

	I was seated at a table for two near the bar in the smoking
section; the place was bustling.  It was just the time that the offices let
out and these poor bastards must have had a particularly difficult day.  My
waitress came over with a menu and a glass of water.  I ordered a pint of
one of their specialty beers.

	The menu was enormous; it had to be at least twelve pages.  It was
one of those menus that supplied detailed descriptions of each dish served,
written in the most flowery language imaginable.  I was scrutinizing it
very closely trying to figure it all out.  When I put it down, I
immediately noticed that someone had been seated at the table adjacent to
and straight ahead of mine.  We were facing each other and his appearance
absolutely floored me!

	How do I describe this vision and do him justice?  Granted the
place was not brightly lit, but he shone like a meteor on a dark night.
His very long, very blonde hair gleamed like it had a million kilowatt
klieg trained on it.  His face was well tanned; it looked like it had been
chiseled by a great old master using the finest of marbles.  He had very
small ears and he kept moving his long hair behind them to keep it from
flopping in his face.  His nose looked like it had been broken once or
twice but still looked wonderful and so very manly.

	I was totally smitten; I mean his total appearance was just so
goddamned right!  He had incredibly piercing blue eyes and also a very
blonde mustache and short blonde goatee.  I normally don't like mustaches
on blonde men - it makes them look like they have a badly swollen upper
lip.  But on this guy it looked great!  His chest was what I'd call massive
- very wide and very muscular.  The tight gray pocket tee shirt he was
wearing looked to be straining beyond its manufacturing specifications.

	We looked at each other; I smiled at him and he seemed to smile
back.  I couldn't be sure given the dim lighting and the smoke in the room.
I lifted my beer in a sort of toast and drank.  He returned the toast and
drank some of his brew.  I was thrilled at his response.  I worked up my
courage and gestured for him to move over to my table, signaling the empty
chair opposite me.  He shook his head and tapped his watch; I assumed he
meant that he had an appointment.  I shrugged my shoulders and went back to
trying to decipher the menu.

	When I had made my choices and lifted my eyes again, to my absolute
amazement and delight, he was seated opposite me at my table.  The place
was so noisy that I hadn't heard when he sat down.  I stared into those
incredible blue eyes for what seemed like minutes.  Finally he smiled and
lifted his arm to shake hands.  It was a good, masculine handshake, strong
but not overpowering.

	We introduced ourselves; my blonde angel's name was Cary.  I was
feeling myself getting very, very hot for Cary.  I know I was perspiring
heavily; I don't think it was the beer.

	We ordered another round of beers and an assortment of appetizers.
We drank and ate and enjoyed each other's company.  Cary told me that he
was currently unmarried and was a furniture designer for a large company
here in Denver.  However as he spoke and I became more and more accustomed
to his beauty and physical appearance, I thought I noticed something odd
about how he was seated.  He appeared to be wearing straps across his
chest.  In addition, he was sitting rather low - his chair seemed to be
lower than mine.  "What's going on here?" I wondered.

	After a few more minutes (minutes I thoroughly enjoyed absorbing
Cary's every feature) I asked about his strange sitting position and the
strap.  "Cary, I hope I'm not being offensive or anything, but you're
wearing straps across your chest and sitting lower than I am.  What gives?"

	"Well, to be honest, the straps are allowing me to sit upright...in
my wheelchair."  I hadn't noticed that he was a cripple and in a
wheelchair.  "I lost both my legs a few years ago in a bad construction
accident.  I have no stumps; both legs were amputated at the hip.  Sitting
is rather difficult for me.  The straps are holding my body upright."  He
looked down at the tabletop.  "Sorry if it upsets you."

	"No, no!  It doesn't upset me at all, Cary.  It's just that I
thought you were going to slide under the table...and that I'd lose you."
We both laughed; I continued to look at his beautiful face and torso,
trying to absorb all of his beauty for future reference.

	We spoke of many things including football (Cary was a big Broncos
fan, of course), cars, our businesses and the declining quality of beer in
the USA.

	I gathered up my courage and asked Cary if he'd care to join me up
in my hotel room.  Just to continue our conversation, of course.  The pub
was filling up and I felt guilty about occupying a table when we were doing
almost nothing but talking.  It was close to 7 PM and I knew there were
only ninety minutes before my Kindred Kal appointment would be joining me.
Cary agreed and pushed himself away from the table.  I followed him as he
wheeled out of the pub.

	Once outside, I got my first really good look at Cary's body and
the details of his beautiful face.  He had big, muscular arms, an enormous
torso that beautifully tapered down to a very slim waist; but below his
waist and buttocks there was nothing - absolutely nothing.  His jeans were
tightly tailored and fitted around what was left of his body.  And his face
was as beautiful, maybe even more beautiful, than it had seemed inside the
pub.  To my surprise, I found myself getting highly aroused at the sight of
this beautiful man with the severely crippled body.

	I smiled at him as he wheeled and I walked to the hotel.  His
wheelchair was a blue tubular affair, a very new model - sleek and quite
beautiful.  It had no armrests and a low back.  Cary had a backpack slung
over the rear.

	Once in the room I opened a couple of beers and sat on the sofa;
Cary positioned his chair opposite me.  He looked marvelous in the subdued
lighting of the room.  A large piece of what I took to be foamed rubber was
situated at the front of the chair; I assumed this was to prevent him from
sliding forward.

	"You said you weren't married, right?" Cary asked.

	"Right!  I was married for a short while but...well, it just didn't
work out."

	"Are you gay?" Cary questioned without even the slightest change of
voice.

	"Yes I am."  I am not shy about naming my sexuality.  "I once
thought I was bi, but now I definitely know I'm gay.  Are you?"

	"I like to say I'm bisexual.  I enjoy both men and women...although
right now it's definitely men more than women."

	"Isn't it rather difficult...er...you know, difficult having sex
without legs."

	"It's even more difficult than you'd imagine.  Want to find out?"

	I was stunned by his forthright proposal, but I was most definitely
ready.  "Yes, I would.  I certainly would."

	Cary wheeled himself to the bed and began to undo the straps
holding him in his chair.  He locked the chair, raised his body using his
powerful arms and hopped onto the bed.  Again using those brawny arms he
moved to the center of the bed.  He slowly and rather teasingly removed his
top and laid back, his head resting on the pillows.  He was wearing only
those jeans; they looked absolutely fitted to his body.

	How do I describe what I saw before me?  How do I relate what I
felt when I saw Cary's near naked body?  I must honestly admit that it was
a strange mixture of lust and aversion.  It was exciting and yet so
unbelievably strange.  It was like having something or someone who was not
real in my bed.  It was only half a person - not a complete man.  Yet I
found Cary to be so virile and amazingly desirable.  His long blonde hair
cascaded over his shoulders and onto his chest; it also splayed out on the
pillows behind his head.  His arms and chest were quite hairy - more
beautiful blonde hair.  It looked so soft, comfortable and luxurious.  All
of Cary's body seemed to be marvelously tanned and toned.

	I removed my shirt and undershirt, and dropped my slacks.  Wearing
only navy blue bikini briefs, I joined Cary on the bed.  I had never been
in bed with an amputee before and I must admit it was a little strange.  I
was quite used to rubbing my legs against my partners legs, beginning the
act of physical contact.  But with Cary this was not possible.  It
definitely felt strange and more than a little disconcerting.

	I moved one of my hands and began to rub his beautifully hairy
chest.  I was thrilled at the feel of his tight and incredibly large,
well-defined muscles.  They were so amazingly hard and felt marvelous under
my prodding fingers.  Yet his hair was so incredibly soft - as was his
skin.  I delighted in the feel of my hands playing across that magnificent
broad chest.  I felt my breathing becoming faster and faster as I
continued.  I most certainly felt myself getting aroused again - highly
aroused.  "Maybe I can make love to a legless man after all," I told
myself.  "With a man as beautiful as Cary, this will not be too difficult!"

	Suddenly I knew I wanted to kiss Cary.  I knew I had to.  I moved
my face closer to his and he moved his head slightly forward, inviting my
lips to his.  He closed his eyes and I kissed him.  The softness of those
lips was amazing.  It was gratifying and passionate.  I moved my hand to
the back of his head, threading my fingers slowly through his thick, long
hair.  It felt marvelous - so soft and lush.  I held him tightly.  My
tongue moved into his waiting mouth and I rejoiced at the warmth and feel
and taste of this man.  He pushed his tongue into my mouth and the feeling
was electric.  We continued to kiss and I never stopped enjoying the
wonderful feeling of contentment and joy emanating from our joining.

	I began to tweak his beautiful small nipples and Cary let out a
little yip.
  It was the most endearing sound I'd heard in a long time.  It was such a
childlike sound and seemed so strange coming from such a large man - such a
hunk.  I continued to pinch them slowly and let the palm of one hand play
over those erect nubs.  Cary's nipples looked so very cute and appealing on
his large, powerful pecs.  I slowly lowered my lips until they were just
barely touching the surface of one of his nipples, and brushed it lightly.
Again Cary let out another little yip and I was thrilled that I was able to
get this response from him.

	I continued rubbing my lips on his nubby nipple and moved one of my
hands down his body; of course, there wasn't very much to his body.  I
played my hand over his incredibly hard stomach and rubbed his arms.  Those
enormous biceps drove me crazy - I adore a man with such highly developed
muscles.  And Cary had more than enough for my need.  I rubbed his hip area
and pelvic bone.  As he had said, he had absolutely no leg stumps and his
body just ended with hips and buttocks.  I let my hands gently play over
these areas; I was rubbing his jeans but I knew I wanted to feel his skin
beneath.  He began to breath more and more heavily, as did I.

	I was very anxious to see all of Cary.  I began to undo his belt.
He quickly put his hand over mine.

	"Before you do that, just don't be too shocked at what you find.
Okay?"

	"Sure, Cary.  I'll be gentle...and understanding.  All right with
you?"

	"Sure is.  Thanks.  I appreciate your...you know, acceptance."

	I sat up on my haunches at the base of Cary's body and slowly
unbuttoned his jeans.  I undid the belt and moved the zipper down slowly.
They came off easily.

	Cary was wearing a white string bikini.  The pouch looked almost
empty...it wasn't nearly filled...it was so pitifully small and almost
completely flat.  "What the hell is going on here?" I thought.  I was
tremendously disappointed that he had not become aroused by our lovemaking.
His breathing, the moaning, the movements of his body all indicated that he
was highly aroused.  Yet nothing showed in his briefs!  I was so incredibly
stimulated that my cock ached inside my underwear.  That is, I was aroused
until I saw that Cary wasn't!

	I was tempted to call a halt to our short-lived session.  He must
have realized that something was amiss because he ran one of his hands
through my hair; I looked up at his stunning face again.  He spoke slowly
and softly.  "Please don't be disappointed with me.  This is the way I am.
I'm sorry.  I know you're upset, but please...give me a chance...to please
you."

	"You are pleasing me, Cary; believe that.  I really like you and
your body...I just want to make you feel good."

	He smiled up at me and I thought I detected tears in his eyes.

	I looked at his body again.  "Okay, maybe it takes him a long while
to become aroused," I speculated.

	I looked at him.  The scars where his legs had been removed were
very large and rather jagged.  I questioned whether I should touch these
areas or not; they made Cary seem so vulnerable.

	Cary apparently realized my indecision.  "You may touch me any
place you want.  I have no problem...no problem at all."  I nodded my
understanding.

	I slowly and hesitantly moved my hands to stroke each side of his
body, around the areas of his amputations.  When I touched him, I loved the
feel of his skin and the warmth being emitted by this flesh.  It didn't
feel like scar tissue or incisions but had a silky quality to it and was so
smooth and rich feeling on my hands.  I massaged these areas and also let
my hands wander onto Cary's tight and very muscular ass cheeks.  I squeezed
them repeatedly and Cary began to whimper and moan softly.

	I was in a dreamlike state when I spoke.  "I love the feel of your
body, Cary."

	My eyes were closed but I heard him choke back a sob.  "I really
appreciate you saying that.  It gets me very hot when people are not turned
off by my body and...and touch me and care for me...like...like I'm
normal."

	I leaned over and kissed his abdomen and the flesh showing above
his briefs.  I kneaded these areas very gently and realized that Cary did
not have any hair on this part of his body.  In fact, I didn't notice any
hair in his crotch area at all.  For such a very hairy person, I found this
a little odd.

	"May I?" I asked as I slipped my fingers into the string near the
snap of his briefs.

	"Yes, but...but please believe me when I say that I am so...happy
to be here with you tonight.  You really seem caring...and I'll do
anything...absolutely anything to make you happy."

	"Cary, you're making me happy right now.  So please don't worry.
Okay?"

	He nodded as I gently undid the snap.  The briefs fell away
quickly.

	To say that I was shaken and stunned by what I saw would be a
terrible understatement.  I was absolutely horrified.  I sat back and just
stared at Cary, looking from his face to his crotch and then back again.  I
must have had the most exceptionally grotesque expression on my face
because Cary was staring at me.  His eyes were wide with fear and panic.  I
saw them begin to fill with tears; he also began to sob lightly.

	After looking at his crotch again, I knew that poor Cary must have
been a prime candidate for rejection and ridicule.  Cary sacrificed more
than his legs in that accident.  It also, apparently, cost him his
genitals.

	When I looked closely at his penis I was appalled and sickened.  It
was only about an inch and a half long - and it wasn't a penis at all.  It
was more like a short tube of flesh with a hole in the end.  And the hole
seemed to be nothing more than a piece of plastic tubing; it protruded
slightly passed the end of this repulsive tube.  There was no head, no real
shaft...nothing, just that repugnant tube of flesh.  And, to make matters
even worse, and to gross me out even more, Cary did not have a scrotum or
testicles.  There was nothing but scarred flesh all around and under this
really grotesque cock.

	Cary spoke in a soft, anguished voice, full of emotion.  "The
accident...the accident took much more than...than my legs.  As you can
see.  Much more."

	"What are you doing with this freak in your bed?" my brain seemed
to be screaming!  "Oh my God!"  I moved quickly away from Cary and sat at
the edge of the bed near the foot; I was facing away from him.  I held my
head in my hands.  I felt guilty for rejecting him so completely and guilty
about the fact that I had even asked him to my room.  I was now the most
recent person to reject him.  But what could I do?  I realized that I had
made a huge mistake and didn't know how to get out of it without
embarrassing both of us.  I found him to be hideous.

	A wave of nausea swept through my body.  I put my hand to my mouth,
swallowed hard a few times and began to take deep breaths.  I suddenly felt
Cary's hand touching me.  I flinched as he contacted my flesh; I didn't
know if it was revulsion or surprise.  He was deliberately and soothingly
rubbing the hairy back of his hand slowly up and down my arm.  I turned my
head slowly and faced him.  He was smiling even though he seemed to still
be crying.  "I'm sorry I put you through this," he said in a very soft,
small voice.  "I should have told you before we came to the room."  He
swallowed hard and made a gulping sound.  "But I found you so
attractive...so compellingly attractive, that I...I thought we might, you
know, just might, be able...be able to, you know, to do something together.
I was drawn to you by your...your sympathetic behavior and your genuine
gentleness.  I guess I was wrong.  I made a mistake.  I'm so...so sorry."

	I quickly ran to the bathroom and vomited.  It had been so long
since I had felt this sick to my stomach that the sensation was horrendous.
I continued to puke, eventually ending with the dry heaves.  When it
finally subsided, I just stood there and looked at myself in the mirror.
What a terrible sight I presented.  After cleaning out the sink, I washed
my face, rinses out my mouth, took a few sips of water and went back into
the room.

	Cary was seated in his chair and was just finishing dressing.  We
looked at each other and I gave him an "I'm so sorry" smile.  He gave me a
small nod and a wan smile back.  I continued looking at him closely until
he finally averted my gaze.  I guess I was feeling plenty of remorse.

	Despite my extreme reaction I found that I wanted, and truly
needed, to absorb every detail of Cary's beautiful face and his
extraordinary body.  Why?  I had just hurled because I had found him so
repulsive.  Hadn't I?  Why was I still staring at him and trying to
indelibly burn his image into my brain?  True, he was exceptionally
attractive and so beautiful - that luxurious blonde hair tumbling over his
shoulders, that superb chest, those incredibly muscular arms, and his deep
blue eyes, so sorrowful, so tragic, yet so winning.  What did I really want
from poor Cary?  I truly did not know.I didn't know.  I was totally baffled
by what was happening to me.  I had done everything but physically throw
the poor man from my room; yet, I found myself still irresistibly drawn to
him - as I had first been in the pub.

	He was looking at the floor as he began to speak.  It was in a
halting, half-choked voice.  "As you've already seen, I'm not even a man."
He gasped for breath.  "I'm a thing...a miserable, pathetic thing...a thing
that...that needs hormones to even pretend he's a man."  He let out a
choked sob that sounded like it came right from his soul.  It was like a
red-hot knife being plunged into my heart.  I dropped my head to my chest
and shuddered.  "Let me finish up here and I'll be out quick."

	He went into the bathroom.  I could hear him pissing - pissing
through that plastic tube.  I sat on the sofa.  I was scarcely breathing -
everything was so deathly still and every sound seemed to echo.  I heard a
squeak from the wheelchair and looked to see Cary back in the room.  He
said a quick good-bye and left.  I did not respond.  I did not even have
the decency to respond!  Even the sound of the door slamming did not break
me out of my trance.  Still I sat.  I had not said one single word since
seeing Cary completely naked.  I had not uttered one sound.

	I looked at my watch; it was 8:17.  My arranged visit from Kal's
person was set to begin in a few minutes.  Shit!  I was feeling so wrung
out and so depressed after my staggering experience, and my unbelievably
cruel and crude behavior toward Cary.  I knew I wanted - or need - to be
alone tonight.  I did not want any more company.

	The telephone rang and I quickly answered it.  It was Kal.  His
person had suddenly cancelled and it would take about an hour to have
someone else come over.  I was so relieved to hear this that I thanked him
and told him not to bother.  I flopped on the bed and buried my face in the
pillows.  They smelled so strongly and strangely tantalizingly of Cary.

				--------------------------------------

	It was 2 AM and I was still awake.  I kept playing the events with
Cary over and over and over in my mind. Every time I did, I came out the
bad guy and the loser.  I knew I had behaved abominably toward that poor
man.  Yet, as terrible as I was, I knew it was not completely my fault.

I mean, when I undressed him, he knew I'd be deeply shocked by what I saw!
Didn't he?  He must have had plenty of experiences with men and women
before.  Hadn't he?  I'm sure my reaction was not totally out of the
ordinary.  Was it?  He must've been rejected before.  Wasn't he?  He had to
be used to it by now?  Why not?  Or did he tell his partners ahead of time
what they would find (or not find)?

Tomorrow I had to find Cary again and to apologize for my horrendous
behavior.

				--------------------------------------

	My business meetings the next day went miserably; in fact, they
were outright disasters.  I could not concentrate on anything.  The problem
was my overriding preoccupation with Cary.  I kept thinking of him, his
problems and what torture his life must be in that wheelchair - and being
totally sexless.  I kept picturing the tantalizing appearance of his face
and body in my mind - his beauty as he reclined on the bed, the allure of
his luxurious blonde hair flowing over his shoulders, his gloriously
muscled and hairy chest and arms, his wonderful personality, his gentleness
and almost shy demeanor.  He was surely such a gentle, caring soul.

	I had this dawning realization, this growing and gnawing feeling
that I was undeniably and unalterably attracted to him in ways that I had
never felt toward another human being before.  Cary began to grow in my
mind to a status as the most desirable man I had ever met.

	My absolutely abominable behavior toward him the previous night was
inexcusable.  The way I totally rejected and shunned him after seeing his
poor, crippled, deformed body.  And this after I so eagerly began to make
love to him.

	I loved the feel of his flesh, particularly the areas around where
his legs had been.  No!  Cary was not deformed!  He had been seriously
injured but he was not deformed!  His was actually a beautiful and
appealing body.  Then why did I have such a horrible physical reaction to
it all?

	The picture of him in my mind kept getting stronger and stronger
throughout the day.  I finally realized and accepted the fact that I wanted
him so much.so very, very much.
  His image was floating before my eyes and became more and more tempting
with each passing hour.  I was positive that I wanted Cary and anything
that he was able to offer me.

				--------------------------------------

	After the last fruitless meeting of the day I slunk back to my
hotel room; I had decided to go to the brewpub where I had first met Cary
to ask if anyone knew anything about him and how I could contact him.
There were message on my phone and I was surprised to find one from Kal.
He asked me to call him as soon as possible.

	"Hey, man!" he shouted in his usual jocular manner when I
identified myself.  "Sorry 'bout last night but the guy just ups and
cancels on me minutes before."

	"That's all right, Kal.  I understand."

	"And he was one of my best.  I think you would've enjoyed him a
lot, man.  More'n a little strange and different.  Big beautiful blonde
dude that ain't got no legs.  Man, he had 'em off right at the hips.  Real
strange but a real beauty and lots of fun!"  Kal laughed.  "A real lot of
fun!"  He laughed even harder.

	I was stunned into momentary silence.  "You said a b-b-big blonde
guy...without legs?"

	"Yup!  Right off at the hips.  You said you wanted somethin' kinky,
right?  This was him!"

	I knew what I had to do.  "You have his number, Kal?"

	"Yeah, but whaja want it for, man?"

	"Kal, we've known each other for years.  Believe me when I say I
want it."

				--------------------------------------

	"Hello, is Cary there?" I asked the woman who answered the phone.
"Was this his girlfriend?"  I asked myself.

	"Yes, he is.  May I ask who's calling?"  I told her and heard some
loud voices in the background arguing.  Finally Cary came to the phone.

	"Hello!" he said rather emphatically.  "What do you want?"

	"Hi Cary, how are you?" I said quietly.

	"Fine!" came the rather harsh reply.

	"That's good.  I'm glad to hear that."

	"Now, what is it you want?"

	"What I want is to apologize."  I tried to sound contrite and
caring.  "I'd like to meet you somewhere so that we can talk.  I want you
to let me apologize."

	"No need.  I understand and accept your apology."

	"Can't we meet?  I would really like...I'd like to see you again."

	"That's impossible.  I'm not feeling well.  I'm in a lot of pain
today and need my rest."

	"Am I the cause of this...this feeling unwell?"

	"Shit, man.  You have some fucking ego, don't you?"  I didn't
answer.  "Okay.  You did a fabulous job on me and made me feel less than
nothing.  I accept your apology; now, will you please leave me and my
family alone."

	"Your family?"

	"Yes!  Is that too bizarre for you to understand?  Am I that much
of a freak and outcast that you can't believe I have a family?  A family
who cares for me and loves me?"

	"I'm sorry again, Cary," I said rather meekly.  Shit!  I couldn't
say anything right!

	"I accept your apologies. Now, good-bye!"  He hung up the phone.

	I was at a complete loss what to do.  Once again I found myself
sitting on the edge of the bed holding my head.

	The one thing I was certain of was that I could not leave Denver
with the consequences of my actions still on my conscience.  The terrible
burden of the events was weighing me down and affecting my business - and
my financial future.  I had to do something...but what?

	I began to weigh my available options.  I was now totally convinced
that needed him.  I needed to see him and speak to him.  I needed to be
with him again.  However, a question began to emerge in my thinking.  Did I
want him because of how pitifully I had acted - or was it a genuine need
and desire to connect with this man?

	My conflicted emotions were tearing me apart.  I could think of
nothing but Cary.  My thoughts again were in turmoil and I had great
difficulty sleeping again for a second night.

				--------------------------------------

	It took me almost the entire next day to contact Cary again.
Either he was not answering the telephone or he was at work.  Every time I
had a break from those incessant meetings I would call.  Finally at about 4
PM he answered the phone.and, lucky for me, he did not hang up when he
heard my voice.

	"Thanks for talking to me, Cary.

	"Okay.  If nothing else, you are persistent!"

	"I'll take that as a compliment.  Cary, I know this is going to
sound strange, but would you please meet me tonight.  Please?"

	"What would that accomplish?"

	"It would let me see you again.  I really want that...I want that
so much.  Please?"

	"I'm sorry but I really can't.  I see no point in that at all.
Also, I'm babysitting for my niece and nephew tonight.  Their mom's out."

	"Cary, I'm really begging you.  I need to see you and talk to you
again before I leave Denver.  Can't you find some way?"

	He was slightly hesitant.  "Maybe...but I really don't understand
why?"  I felt a glimmer of hope.  "I thought you made your feelings
completely apparent when we were together."

	"That's not true.  I've had time to rethink the situation...the
entire situation and our time together.  The only thing we need is to meet
again and for us to talk."

	It took ten more minutes of begging, cajoling and pleading before
he finally agreed to meet me in the same pub.  He said the pub was the
least offensive place to meet.

				--------------------------------------

	Cary was twenty minutes late.  I didn't know if this was because of
the heavy traffic (as he claimed) or it was a deliberate attempt to further
unnerve me (as I believed).  He wheeled easily up to the table and ordered
a pint of ale.  I order some food.  We didn't say anything until his drink
and the food arrived.

	"So, what's the real deal in you wanting to see me again?" he asked
with more than a little sarcasm in his voice.  "What in for me...or you?"

	"Cary, the only things I hope to accomplish are to make my
apologizes to you and, at the same time, to hopefully make myself not feel
like such an uncaring, miserable shitheel."

	He managed to give me a small smile.  "Okay, I'll let you do that.
I'll let you leave Denver without the burden on your precious conscience."

	"Thanks, but I actually...I want a little more than that."  Cary
gave me a questioning glance and I nodded my head.

	"Oh, no!" he practically hissed through his teeth.  "Not that!"

	"Why not?" I asked.

	"Absolutely not that!  And you know goddamned well why!  Because I
do not go around seeking rejection and ridicule.  I get enough of that
during the course of a normal day.  I do not go around looking for it."

	I hung my head, I suppose in shame.  "I'm not going to reject you -
again; this I promise you Cary."

	"Then what are you going to do?  You're going to take one more look
at this...this thing...this body...and give up on me - again!  I know it!"
he said emphatically.  "It always happens with guys like you - you
goddamned yuppie types.  You all make me sick..." He unlocked the brakes on
his chair and started wheeling back, away from the table.

	I quickly stood and walked behind him, grasping onto his chair and
stopping it.  "Please don't go Cary.  Please!"

	"God!  You're the most exasperating person I can ever remember
meeting.  You really don't know what you want!  Do you?  And you sure as
hell don't know what I want!"

	"Please don't go Cary.  Please.  I beg you to listen to all of what
I have to say.  I do know what I want!  Please?"

	He gave me a rather sour look, and then nodded.  I pushed his chair
back to the table and sat down opposite him.  I put my hands out and took
one of his between the two of mine.  I squeezed and rubbed his hand gently
and looked up into his eyes.

	"Cary, let me say some things that are on my mind.  Are you at
least willing to listen?"  He rolled his eyes and gave a very slight nod.
"When we were in my room that time I was so.so anxious to make love to you.
Believe me or not, the fact that you had no legs was a real turn-on.  I was
truly at a high knowing that I would soon be making love to you."

	My speech was halting and stumbling, so very unlike me.  "However,
I had not known about your.your other, you know, problem."  He gave me
lingering and withering stare.  "If I had known I may have reacted
differently."  He started to speak but I held up my hand to stop him.  "I
know, I know.  You hinted at the problem...uh...situation frequently, and I
should have realized when I saw that string bikini you were wearing...and
it looked so empty...you had no erection or anything.  I'm sorry I was so
slow on the uptake.  Chalk it up to my brain being dulled by the flight.

	"Cary, when I saw you over at that other table a couple of evenings
ago, I knew I had never seen a man as beautiful and enticing as you.  You
still are.  I know, I wholly know, how I feel about you.  I knew then that
I wanted you and wanted to make love to you.  I still do...even more."  I
rubbed his hand in mine and moved them up his arm slightly.  "I will do
anything...anything...if you will give me another chance.  I want to be
with you so much.  Please believe me when I say this."  He said nothing.

	I hesitated before I spoke again.  I didn't know if I should even
bring up the subject.  But I honestly felt that I had to.  "Cary, I know
that you...that you work with Kal."  Did this disturb me?  Did this effect
how I truly felt about this man?  Maybe he needed the experience of genuine
companionship...and a little acceptance in his life.  I honestly didn't
know how I felt about this problem.

	"I know you know.  How else could you get my phone number?"

	I nodded slightly and smiled.  "Kal and I go back a way.  I trust
him...and I trust you.  What we need now is for you to trust me.  Please?"
I was really begging now.  "Give me another chance?  Can we be together
tonight?"

	"Don't you want to know why I work for Kal?"

	"No, Cary.  I don't. What you do and why you do it is your choice
and yours alone.  What I do want is for us to be together again...for
tonight.  Can we?" I pleaded.

	Cary didn't say anything.  He looked down at the table for what
seemed like an eon.  He finally looked directly at me...and nodded
slightly.

	I had one more question for him.  "A few minutes ago you said
something about me not knowing what you want.  If you don't mind me asking,
what is it you really want?"

	He hesitated and shook his head slightly.  "Maybe later.  Maybe
when we've talked more and we know each other better."  He wheeled quickly
and surely out of the pub, while I stayed to settle the tab.

				--------------------------------------

	Cary looked wonderful sitting in the middle of the bed.  His blonde
hair glowed in the soft light of the room; the sight of his wide chest and
strong arms were again stunning.  I could not get enough of this marvelous,
so very different man.  Yes, there were some who wouldn't even consider
Cary to be a man.  The absence of genitalia made him a eunuch.  But he was
so appealing me - I could not fully understand the attraction he held, but
I knew it to be so.

	He began to unbutton his shirt revealing his upper body - so
beautiful, well defined and enticing.  The thick blonde mat of hair on his
chest was, I was sure, due to the hormones he takes.  I quickly admonished
myself.  "Christ! Stop thinking about superfluous matters!  Think only of
what is important!  Think only of Cary's needs!"  Everything about him drew
me to this strange and wondrous creature.

	When we had first entered the room, I immediately kneeled down in
front of his wheelchair and held him closely as I kissed him passionately.
He was totally surprised by my actions but seemed quite delighted at my
actions.  He threw his arms around my neck as I hugged his body closely to
mine.  We continued to kiss and explore each other's mouths.  He tasted
delicious - I delighted in the love I felt for this man.

	I lifted him gently out of the wheelchair, supporting his bottom
while he had his arms wrapped around my neck.  I slowly walked over to the
bed and gently set him down.  He weighed more than I had expected but I
carried him rather easily.

	"Cary, please believe me when I say that...that you are beautiful.
Also believe that I've never wanted a man as much as I want you now."  He
blushed; I had not seen that in a man for ages.  I slid onto the bed and
wrapped my arms around him.  His warmth and the silken feel of his skin
sent great waves of pleasure throughout by body.  The strength in that
chest and the muscles in his well developed arms held me in thrall.

	Cary spoke softly and eagerly.  "Before we completely undress, can
we talk?
  I really do need to tell you my story.  It's not too pleasant, but I
really want to tell you about myself.  How I got to be this way and."

	"I don't think that's necessary right now, Cary."  I kissed him
softly on his full lips.  "I would like to get to know you better - your
story, that is.  But first I'd like to get to know you better; I'm sure you
know what I mean."

	He seemed satisfied at my response and smiled a brilliant, toothy
smile at me.  I slipped his shirt off and threw it toward the foot of the
bed.  It moved my lips to his broad shoulders and kissed them.  The feel of
him was like cashmere on my face.  The softness of the skin and hair was
totally amazing - the likes of which I had never experienced with a man
before.  I kept rubbing my lips and tongue over those muscular, yet
incredibly soft shoulders.  Cary moaned his high-pitched moans again - I
remembered them from the last time.  I delighted in them - I just loved the
sounds of this man.

	I knew that I wanted to make Cary feel better than he had ever felt
before.  I had to!  Of course, I knew even more that I wanted to make
myself feel better than I ever had before.  Being in bed with this
different man, seeing the shape of his body, feeling his skin and hair and
looking at what made him so different was an incredible turn-on for me and
I knew - I absolutely knew - that this was going to be the best night of my
life.

	I wanted to taste every square inch of him - everything he had to
offer.  I wanted to lavish my tongue all over his wonderful body, into
every crack and orifice.  The more I saw his incredible form, the more I
touched the silky hair and the warm erotic flesh, the more I knew that I
wanted - no, the more I knew I needed - Cary with me.and for me.

	I let my hands roam down his strong arms.  God!  The feel of those
well-developed muscles beneath my fingers made me feel incredibly strong
and powerful myself.  It was as if Cary's strength was being transferred to
me and I was absorbing his very being.  While I continued to rub and knead
his arms, I began to kiss his neck and throat.  As befitted a man with such
a well-developed torso, Cary had a thick neck.  But it was not like those
no-neck football players.  His neck was beautifully shaped and I nibbled
lovingly at it.  Cary moaned and squeaked out his appreciation of my
efforts.  But believe me - it was no effort.  Making love to Cary was easy
and so fabulous.  I was like a man possessed.  I adored everything my lips
and tongue and arms touched.

	He lay back and spread his arms out.  I sat next to him, at the
edge of the mattress and just absorbed his tremendous beauty and the
powerful energy emitting from him.  I was totally captivated by this man.
I smiled at him again and he returned it beautifully.  I brought my face to
one of his armpits and inhaled deeply...and pleasurably.  I brought my
hands up to his chest and slowly began to rub his beautiful, thick blonde
chest hairs.  I could feel his incredible muscles moving beneath my hands.

	I brought my face close to Cary's.  I rubbed my cheek against his
cheek, then moved my lips to his.  I very, very lightly kissed him, rubbing
my lips oh so lightly over his while I kissed him.  I heard his breathing
become heavier and he moaned slightly.

	"Cary, Cary," I said softly.  "I want you so much.  What you do to
me is incredible!  I cannot remember being this aroused ever before.  You
are so good for me."

	Cary did not say anything but immediately began to unbutton my
shirt.  His fingers were sure and gentle and he played with my chest and
caressed my underarms as he removed the garment.  I wore an athletic shirt
and he slowly and evenly pulled that over my head as he also began to play
with my nipples.  He played the back of his hairy hands soothingly over the
surface of my very erect nubs and I almost went ballistic.  He was
infinitely patient and so incredibly attentive to everything he was doing.
It was absolute bliss.

	I threw my head back and began to moan lightly.  Knowing what was
ahead made me even hotter.  Knowing that I was going to undress Cary, that
his naked body would be fully exposed to me, was making me hotter and
hotter.  I still did not completely understand my change of heart
concerning Cary's body.  All I knew was that I was very, very excited in
anticipation of seeing him naked again; the prospect was driving me onward.
And it was driving me into frenzy.

	Cary realized this and began to slow down.  He gently and
soothingly whispered into my ear; he told me he knew I was excited but to
try and calm myself.  He said he wouldn't be leaving, that he'd be here for
as long as I would want him to be.  It wouldn't do either one of us any
good to go off before the other was ready.  I knew he was right and began
to breath deeply and tried to relax myself.

	He lay back again and I kissed both of his nipples and nuzzled his
gorgeous pecs.  I lightly bit his erect nubs He rubbed my nearly hairless
chest and it felt heavenly.  I stood and removed my trousers, leaving on
just my shorts.  Cary gave me a whistle.  "Black silk boxers," he said
enthusiastically.  "For me?"

	"Yes, my sweet, just for you."

	"Gorgeous cock!  And uncut!  Wonderful!" he said in a low, slightly
guttural voice.  I looked down at my crotch and saw that my cock was
protruding through the front opening of my boxers.  I looked at Cary again
and smiled an embarrassed sort of smile.  "Come here you gorgeous stud," he
whispered.

	I moved closer to the bed and he put his hand out and slowly
brought it up to my cock.  He moved his thumb slowly and gently over the
small part of the head that was protruding from my thick and long foreskin.
I felt the energy draining from my body.  My knees became weak and I knew I
had to sit down before I fell down.  I could feel how his thumb was gliding
over the head enhanced by the copious amounts of lubricant I was pumping
out.  He continued rubbing the head as I sat down.

	He slipped his hand onto my thigh and massaged me.  He slowly moved
his hand up my thigh until he was at the opening of my boxers.  He
continued upward until I felt his massive hand cupping my hanging balls.
He put slight pressure on them as he rolled them gently around their sac.
It was a glorious feeling - comforting and highly arousing.

	I moved my hands to the belt of his jeans and I could immediately
feel Cary's body become tense.  "Shhhhh, my sweet beauty.  Shhhhhh, baby."
I began to rub his chest lightly.  "Nothing...nothing to be concerned
about."

	He nodded and tried to give me a smile.  He wasn't too successful.
His eyes began to tear up - the same thing that happened last time.  I
tried to reassure him by slowly rubbing his arms and chest and his body
through his jeans.  I was getting incredibly hot just knowing what I was
going to find when I removed Cary's jeans and briefs.  But he was not doing
well.  He was crying harder and I knew I would have to stop and try to calm
him down and soothe him.

	I removed his jeans and threw them onto his chair, leaving his
briefs on.  Again I saw the pitifully small bump occupying the pouch of
those briefs.  This time I was not surprised because I knew what lay
beneath.  I crawled up the bed and wrapped my arms around him.
  He was like a child - a loving, great big beautiful child.  He seemed to
be crying his heart out - releasing what seemed to be years of built up
tensions and frustrations.  I threw my arms around his body and hugged him
close to me.  He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me very tightly and
clung to me as if his life depended on it.

	He spoke slowly and in a near whisper through his tears.  "Thank
you...thank you...thank you so much for holding me...and caring for
me...and letting me know that you...really do care about me.  You don't
know how long it's been since someone has held me like this...and made me
feel so...so really important."

	This last statement surprised me.  Kal had said that Cary was one
of his best; I had naturally assumed that this meant that Cary had plenty
of customers and had sex quite often.  "I don't understand, Cary.  What do
you mean that you haven't been held like this in a long time?"

	He continued to sob and looked at me with those large blue eyes of
his, now all wet and weepy; I had the feeling that he was looking into my
very soul...and that I was looking into his.  "People have sex with
me...they don't make love to me...or love me; they simply have sex with me.
They fulfill some bizarre desire by having sex with me.  I'm an object to
them...a sex object or whatever.  They want something different...or
kinky...or weird...and I'm their man.  You are the first person who has
treated me as a caring and loving person since...since the accident.
Sometimes people...sometimes, after sex, they leave me all alone...they
abandon me...even in a strange places...letting me figure out a way to get
home by myself."

	I decided that it was time Cary told me about the incident that
completely and forever changed his life.  "Cary, I'd think I'd like to know
the details of.would you tell me about the...well, you know, the incident,
the accident, so that I can better understand you and your situation?  I
think I need to know you...to know you better.  I think I now need to
empathize with you better and feel closer to you."

	He smiled a shy, small smile.  "You're doing fine, really fine."
But I somehow knew that he was anxious to tell me everything.  He nodded
his head and moved away from me, propping himself up on one elbow.  "Do you
think this is the right time for that?"

	I nodded and said softly, "I think it would be the perfect time and
a very good idea.  This way there will be that much less unknown between
us."

	"Okay, if you want," he said in a really weak voice.  "I really
don't want to burden you with the tons of problems I have."

	I spoke in the most reassuring tone.  "It's no burden, Cary."  I
reached over and began to stroke the hair on his arm.  "None whatsoever."

	"I know you want to have sex with me tonight; that's the reason
we're here.
  Isn't it?  You want to have sex with me.  Don't you?"  I did not say
anything but nodded my head very slightly and smiled.

	"I want to know you...all of you and all about you."  I took his
hand again, to give him some reassurance and comfort.

	He was quite for a minute, a look of contemplation playing across
his face.
  He nodded and furrowed his brow; he made a few abortive attempts to speak
before finally settling down and beginning.  "The details are very simple.
I was working a construction job here in downtown Denver.  I'd graduated
from high school and was working this job because I really needed the money
bad.  I was married, my wife was pregnant and things were very, very tight.
I'd wanted to go to college and was accepted at the University of Colorado
in Boulder, but...but for various reasons I couldn't go - mainly money and
the girl I was going with.  I won a partial scholarship based on my high
school football record.  But I didn't go."  He paused and took a deep
breath.  "I regret it to this day."

	His eyes took on a distant, faraway look.  He gathered his feeling
before speaking again.  "So I had this job.  It was a different type of
construction project.  I don't know if you ever heard of it.  Each floor is
poured in concrete on ground level then jacked up so the next floor is
poured underneath it.  This way it gradually rises but no huge cranes are
needed; it saves on time and costs.

	"When the building was ten stories high, something went terribly
wrong, and the whole thing collapsed."  Cary was quite and his complexion
became very pale.  "There was a terrific roar and everything started
falling and flying all over the place.  I managed to get some distance away
from it but not far enough; the rubble buried me - concrete, wood, casings,
rods...everything!"  Again he was still and just stared at me.  "I was
buried under debris and in tremendous pain.  I could see daylight so I held
out hope of being found fast.  I couldn't feel my legs and I know I hadn't
control of my bowels or bladder.

	"I screamed as much as I could and then remember nothing...nothing
at all.  When I was conscious again I was in the intensive care unit of a
hospital.  The first thing I remember seeing was what looked like about
fifty plastic tubes going into me.  And there was a nurse there.  She
smiled at me and I tried to smile back.  A doctor came in and gave me
something and I was out again.

	"I later learned that I had been unconscious for three weeks.that
both my legs had been crushed beyond repair...and that my genitals had...my
genitals had been practically ripped from my body.  I had lost a tremendous
amount of blood and things were very dicey for a long while.  I reacted
very calmly when told these things...I suppose it was the drugs they were
giving me.  I also learned that twenty-three of my co-workers had been
killed and over forty seriously injured in the incident."

	He lay back, looked up at the ceiling and then right at me again.
"I was in the hospital for over a year.  I had extensive reconstructive
surgery on my bowels, bladder, and entire lower body, plastic surgery on my
face and...and then the surgery for the creation of my...of my p-penis."

	Cary began to cry hard again and buried his head in my chest.  I
enfolded him in my arms and soothingly held him and kissed his forehead.
He threw his arms around me and held me very tightly, as if I would
disappear or try to get away from him.

	"Cary...sweetheart...I'm here...I'm here for you," I murmured in
his ear.  "I won't let you go...I promise.  Do you believe me?"  He gave no
reaction whatsoever.  "Cary, please.  I know you must have had your share
of rejection and terrible problems...but I am here for you...I really
am...and I want you to know this and to believe me."

	He looked at me with those intense, almost hypnotic eyes.  "I'm
trying to believe you.  Believe me, I am!  Yet...yet I don't understand
what's happening completely.  Why the sudden change?  That's what I don't
understand.  The way you rejected me the other night...well, I am still
trying to work out in my mind your true feelings."  He continued to stare
at me.  "I hope I'm not too bold in asking this, but the other night you
looked at me and treated me like a leper or some revolting freak.  What
happened?  What happened to you...or to me, for that matter?"

	Here was the question I knew would be coming.and the one that I
truly dreaded.  I continued to stroke his wonderful torso as I unburdened
myself of my true feelings for this extraordinary man.  "Cary, let me first
say without hesitation, that I am desperately in love with you.  I love you
like I have never loved in my life."  Cary's eyes began to immediately tear
and I could see then running down his beautiful face.  "That first night
was...well, it was just such a complete and overwhelming shock.  When I
first had you in my bed I knew that you were everything I wanted in a man -
absolutely everything.  However, the shock of seeing your naked body came
as...well, it just staggered me, so much so that I began to question my own
sanity.  I also began to think that maybe this was all actually a dream.  I
was dreaming I was in bed with a beautiful man and he is missing all of his
equipment."

	I noticed Cary cringe at this last statement.  I moved to kiss him
lightly on his lips but he moved slightly away from me.  "What's wrong?" I
asked in a hurt tone of voice.

	He shrugged his shoulders.  "I don't really know.  I'm so
completely confused.  I want to believe that you really care...or have some
genuine feeling for me but...but everything...everything that's happened to
me in the past couple of years indicates that this is just going to be...to
be just one more 'fuck the freak' episode and then a fast good-bye."

	I was genuinely hurt at Cary's remarks.  And I did not hesitate to
let him know how I felt.  I suppose I was again making a big mistake.
However, unlike the last time, the terrible rejection episode, this time I
looked directly at Cary and at his body.  I spoke softly but with force in
my voice and a little sarcasm there too.  "Cary, if that's what you
believe, and want to believe, then I obviously have not made my true
feelings really evident to you.  If that's what you think, then I might as
well just fuck you right now, pay you and put an end to this conversation
and this session...and our friendship."

	I moved to strip off his string bikini briefs, but as I approached
him he grabbed my hand and stopped me.  He looked at me with terrible
sadness in those blue eyes, his mouth opened as if trying to form words.
He had great difficulty speaking and shook his head as if to clear his
thoughts and perceptions.  He raised himself up to a sitting position and
looked at me.  "Please forgive me.  I'm really so...so sorry.  But you have
to understand that I have real difficulty believing people.  I cannot begin
to tell you the horror stories of how people have taken advantage of me and
my condition...people who I thought were caring and nice."  He had
difficulty forming his words, trying desperately to hold back his tears.
He spoke in a spluttering, hesitant manner.  "I really like you and want to
believe that you're not like the others"

	I moved so that I could wrap my arms around him and hold him and
comfort him.  He wept softly and I could feel the tremors through his great
body.  I knew I had to act quickly...to keep him from panicking and leaving
again.  I knew I did not want him to leave...ever.  I needed Cary, and I'd
convinced myself that he needed me.

	"Cary, I have a thought; see how you like it.  Let's not do
anything tonight.  Okay?"  He stared at me rather blankly.  "Let's not do
anything but talk and sleep together and hold each other and cuddle and
comfort one another.  Would that be okay with you?"

	He looked at me with disbelief.  "Really?"

	"Really!  Just the two of us - two good friends, spending the night
together, comforting and reassuring the other."

	He managed a small smile and I smiled back at him.  "Sure.  I think
I'd love it."

	"Wonderful!  Let me go to the bathroom and get ready for bed."  I
went to the bathroom and when I finished Cary went in.  I removed all my
clothes and was naked under the covers when he returned.  I noticed hat he
too had removed all of his clothes and once again I was able to see his
entire body, including his crotch and his small flesh tube.

	He seemed to be very much more relaxed as he lifted himself out of
his wheelchair and onto the bed.  I opened my arms wide and he nestled
comfortably in them.  I wrapped my arms around him and covered us.  He
pressed his body against mine and I was almost instantly erect.  I could
feel the nub of his cock pressing against my side.  I was delighted and
thrilled...and very, very happy.

	"Thanks," he said in a low, almost childlike voice.  "Thanks
for...for having so much consideration for my feelings and..."

	"No thanks needed, Cary.  This is what people do when they
care...when they genuinely care about the person they're with.  There are
just no problems that cannot be handled."

	He rubbed my body so gently; I was thrilled at his touch.  He paid
exquisite attention to my chest and arms and sides...and crotch.  He
lightly touched my penis again and I was totally staggered.  His caresses
were so gently and caring - like the man himself.  I was now more convinced
than ever before that Cary was the man for me - the man I could spend a
lifetime with - the man I needed - the man who could make all things come
true.

	I held him and stroked his back, shoulder and arms soothingly.  He
began to speak again, very slowly, very quietly and very hesitantly.  "My
wife never visited me while I was in the hospital.  Never...never.  It was
such a horrible time - medically and emotionally.  Many people tried to
help but there was no helping me.  I was visited and counseled by
psychiatrists and other therapists, a stream of different religious people
and the usual array of kooks.

	"I was now a legless eunuch.  What use would I be to anyone?  I
decided that all I wanted to do was die.  I needed to die.  I was twenty
years old, had no legs and no cock or balls.  More than anything, I really
and truly wanted to die.  I even thought about getting a lawyer and trying
to legally get permission to die.  Then I thought it would be better if I
waited until I was out of the hospital.  I could commit suicide then; it
seemed so much easier.

	"Then one day, almost out of the blue, my sister tells me that my
wife had given birth to twins the week before - in the very same hospital.
However, she disappeared immediately after being discharged.  But before
she vanished she signed all the necessary legal papers leaving the babies
to me - she gave up all rights to them."  I just stared at him.  "Yes, I'm
a daddy.  Are you surprised?"

	"I'm stunned, Cary, but very happy for you.  That's wonderful!"

	He reached for the pack on the back of his chair and grabbed his
wallet.  He pulled out pictures of two really gorgeous blonde kids - real
beauties and very sweet looking.  "They're gorgeous!" I enthused.  "Really
gorgeous!  Just like their father."  He blushed that incredibly sweet blush
of his.  "What are their names?"

	"The girl is Karen and they boy's Kyle.  Their mother completely
abandoned them.  She said she couldn't live with such a horrible...hideous
cripple...like me...never able to have sex or anything.  She said she
couldn't possibly have any feelings for me - and could never be fulfilled.
And she didn't want my children with her either - said they would only
remind her of the repulsive creature that I'd become."  He gave out a sob
and rolled over toward me and buried his face in my chest.  "Not even a
man..." I wrapped my arms around him again and pulled him close to me.

	"You are a man, my adorable one.  You are more a man than any other
I know."  I kissed him passionately and lovingly and he returned it with
tremendous ardor.  I covered us with the blankets and we snuggled and
cuddled together.  I could feel his strength and passion everything he did.

	He smiled.  "Thanks.  The babies were allowed to visit me in my
room and they were so beautiful.  I was even allow to hold them."  I saw
his eyes begin to fill with tears.  "I fell completely in love with them.
I immediately gave up all thoughts of suicide from that first moment I saw
them...and held them.  My mom and sister took them home and cared for them
- and my sister had two young kids already, so it wasn't easy."  He looked
up at me again with those woeful eyes.

	"You are a delight, Cary.  You are a total delight to me.  And so
full of surprises!"

	"Despite my lack of legs and..." His voice trailed off into
inaudibility at that question.

	"There's nothing to become upset, my sweet.  I find that holding
you and comforting you is the most pleasurable thing I know.  And the only
thing I want to do right now."

	As I held him so comfortably on my chest I noticed that he had
begun to sob lightly.  I reached for some tissues by the side of the bed
and dried his face and let him blow his nose.  I also let my free hand
quietly and leisurely stroke his side.  I put my hand on his buttocks and
rubbed his incredibly smooth skin.  This seemed to make him calmer but
still he sobbed.  I'm sure horrifically painful memories were flooding his
mind and thoughts, and overwhelming him.

	I moved my hand slowly over his hip and then onto the scarred
remains of where his legs had once been.  I gently and tenderly rubbed this
area of Cary's mutilated body and he seemed to become very, very peaceful.
I even lightly brushed his penis and thrilled at the feel of it.

	He let out a long sigh and suddenly clutched me closer and with
more power.
  "Strange as it may seem, I actually have some feeling there," he said
softly and with a catch in his voice.  "I can feel the warmth of your hand
and a very slight gentle movement.  It's not much, but to me it feels
wonderful."

	"I'm glad, Cary.  It feels wonderful to me too.  I am truly happy
that I can make you this content...and that you make me feel so wonderful."
I continued to gently rub his body, in the areas of his amputations and on
his penis.  All the while I felt my own enjoyment rise.

	"Nobody's been so wonderful to me in years...and years.  Thank
you...thank you." he said in a low whisper.

	His breathing became slow and quite regular.  I thought he had
fallen asleep, but he suddenly spoke again, in a near sleep voice of hushed
tones.  "You asked before...what I wanted...from this life.  This is what I
want...and it's very, very simple; I want acceptance...friendship...and
love.  All very simple, right?  But so very, very...difficult to get...so
difficult...when you're like me...when you're
a...horrid...mutilated...sexless...cripple...like...me."

	"That's not true, Cary.  As I've already said, you are more a man
than any other I know.  You are so incredibly beautiful despite what you
consider to be your limitations.  I love you as you are...as you are now.
I love you, Cary."  I kissed his sweet lips again and again.

	He began to cry even harder and I felt these tremors racing through
that great body.  He pushed his face into my neck while continuing to
blubber.  I managed to understand a few words that he spoke but not many.
After he had quieted down he drew his away from mine.  "I love you too...so
much.  You are so great for me.  So wonderfully great.

	I thought about his three wants...his three simple wishes.  "I
don't find those three requirements difficult at all...and I want to be
able to give them to you, Cary.  You are so beautiful to me, have a winning
and wonderful personality, and know how to give and receive love."

	"Thanks...thanks a lot."

	I continued to rub his body, particularly the areas of his
amputations.  I was trying to reassure him that I did not agree with his
assessment of himself.  His voice trailed off and in a few minutes I knew
he was asleep.

	During the night I continued to hold Cary close to me.  I woke up
occasionally and stroked his beautiful body.  I rubbed my hands over his
penis and his lower body, particularly where his legs had been removed.  He
seemed to purr whenever I touched him.  He appeared very content and I took
great pleasure in what I was doing.  I know I was truly happier than I had
ever been.  I hoped that Cary would accept me as the person to give him
those simple gifts.


						The End


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