Date: Fri, 10 Jan 2003 07:11:25 -0800
From: JS Collection <js.collection@verizon.net>
Subject: Chapter 4  Someone like You

	THIS STORY IS TOTALLY FICTITIOUS. IT CONTAINS DESCRIPTIVE SEX
BETWEEN TWO MEN. IF THIS IS OFFENSIVE TO YOU DON'T READ IT. IF IT IS
ILLEGAL FOR YOU TO BE READING IT, YOU SHOULDN'T BE HERE TO BEGIN WITH SO
JUST GO ELSEWHERE. OTHERWISE, ENJOY IT. JWS
	PS---MOST OF MY WRITING HAS SOME SEX IN IT. IT IS SELDOM IN THE
BEGINNING AND IS USUALLY AN INTEGRAL PART OF THE STORY. SO IF YOU'RE
LOOKING FOR JACKOFF MATERIAL YOU ARE PROBABLY WASTING YOUR TIME READING
ME. JWS

OK,fellows here it is. I hope it's not what you were expecting. If it were
how dull and boring would that be?

	SOMEONE lIKE YOU
	Chapter 4


	Jim slowly awoke. He took stock of his world as he snuggled against
a warm hairy chest. A muscular arm was wrapped around his chest holding him
tightly. He luxuriated in the secure feeling as he realized Nathan was
wrapped tightly around him, with a long leg laying over his.

	He thought about the previous evening and his discovery that had
disarmed his suspicions about Nathan. He felt a warm glow, knowing that he
was at the beginning of a new relationship that promised a fulfillment like
the one he had had with Ted. After three long lonely years he didn't want
this newly awakening feeling to end.  Last night's lovemaking had been the
first for Jim since Ted's death. He had thought that he was giving in; that
he couldn't deny his desire for Ted one last time. He was ready to leave
this morning and never look back, never see Ted again.

	 And he knew deep in his heart he had let himself be seduced by the
fact that Nathan was Ted's identical twin; so alike in nearly every way
except for the one physical difference he had delightedly discovered last
night.  He wiggled his butt against the hard cock pressed against his butt,
trying to feel the foreskin. Ted had lost his as a baby. This was the only
irrefutable proof that Jim had come up with that Nathan and Ted were not
the same person. Of course fingerprints would have proven that too, but
that was too forensic for Jim; he liked tangible proof. And here it was,
throbbing at his back door. He grinned to himself as he clinched his butt
muscles. That was enough to bring Nathan to consciousness. His grip around
Jim's chest tightened as he planted his lips on his neck and then whispered
"Good Morning."

	Jim turned over so he could embrace Nathan. They pressed their
morning woodies together as they kissed closed mouthed. Nathan reached down
and grasped their cocks, squeezing them together.

	"If you are into water sports get in the shower, 'cause I don't
like wetting my bed. And if you don't let go of me I just may."

	The urgency in Jim's voice tickled Nathan. He chuckled and gave
their cocks one more squeeze before pushing Jim toward the edge of the
bed. Nathan lay there listening to the sound coming from the bathroom. It
was so intimate. He felt like he was invading Jim's privacy by
listening. He suddenly felt panicky. The intimacy he had shared with Jim
last night was something he had enjoyed. But Nathan had never before met
anyone with whom he wanted to share a continuing closeness. And lying
there, enjoying the sound of Jim relieving himself scared him.  He jumped
out of bed and started putting on his clothes.  When Jim finished, he
rinsed his mouth out before he returned to the bedroom to find Nathan
dressed and ready to leave.

	"What's with the clothes?  Where are you going?" Jim looked at the
clock. "It's only 5:15. Come back to bed and snuggle awhile."

	"I'd love to, but I've got to run." Nathan answered. He looked
anywhere but at Jim.

	"Did I do something wrong?" Jim asked. He looked wounded. Not
having an answer, Nathan ignored the question. He slipped his feet into his
loafers and turned to the door.

	"I'll talk to you later." He didn't look back as he walked out of
the door.  He slipped down the stairs, out the front door, around the
garage and though his own back gate. He sighed with relief as he latched it
and went into the safe haven of his own house. He had lived his whole life
in this house. It was his safe haven.  He headed to the bathroom. By the
time he got to the door he had all of his clothes off. He turned on the hot
water, adjusted the temp and stepped under the spray. He thought about what
he had just done and the implications of it. Nathan was a psychiatrist and
as he attempted to analyze his feelings he realized that he needed to some
serious adjusting if he was going to be able to make a lasting relationship
work with Jim.  "Yes, he thought, Jim is the one I've been waiting for. Jim
is the one person that I really want for long term, and I ran from him."

	Nathan made himself a cup of coffee and toast. He carried it into
the back yard with the book he was reading. He pulled a wrought iron chaise
around so the sun wouldn't shine in his face as he read. He lay down on it
and reach for his coffee just as a black streak of pussycat flew over the
wall, bounded across the lawn and landed on his chest. He greeted the cat
and petted it for a few minutes as he sipped the hot brew. Saturn curled up
on his legs and went to sleep.  Nathan picked up his book and started
reading.

	He couldn't concentrate. The image of the hurt look on Jim's face
as he had come out of the bathroom kept coming to the fore in his mind. He
could hear Jim working in the yard on the other side of the fence. He
thought about going over and helping him, but that would entail making
excuses for having left so abruptly and Nathan wasn't ready for that. He
still hadn't figured out exactly why he had panicked, so that he could come
to terms with it, and be able to deal straight with Jim. "You'd think that
a professional like me would have his shit together. Sorry folks I'm as
fucked up as anyone." He chuckled at the irony.

				~

	Jim pulled the bedcovers up and curled into a fetal ball, wondering
what he had done to chase Nathan off.  Hell, he had finally given in and
accepted the advances that Nathan had been making since the day he had met
him.  Had he given in too fast?  It had been Nathan that had pushed things.
It had been Nathan that had said, "I love you."  Did he not mean it?  Had
he said it only to get Jim to relax?  He didn't think so.  But that was
still a possibility. Jim didn't want to think about that.  He turned his
thoughts to the loving each had bestowed on the other; that was how he
thought of it. Loving. It had been so wonderful falling asleep and waking
up in Nathan's arms.
	Then he was back to thinking about Nathan's precipitous
departure. He couldn't figure it out.  "Well," he thought, "I'll just let
things happen, as they will.  I'll not push it. Maybe Nathan isn't looking
for a relationship like I want.  It would be stupid to really fall in love
and not have him feel the same."  He knew it was already too late. He was
falling, falling fast and hard.

	His thoughts were aggravating. He was tired of lying there, so he
got up. He stretched and wandered over to the window. He pulled the sheer
aside and gazed out at the morning. The sun was up. It was going to be
another beautiful day in warm sunny Southern California.  He stepped into
the shower and luxuriated in the warmth as he washed his body. He closed
his eyes and imagined it was Nathan's big hands gliding over his skin. His
shower took a bit longer than normal. He hadn't masturbated or even had and
orgasm since Ted's death. It felt so good to do so now.  He was more
relaxed as he dried off. He refused to think about the implications of his
fantasy.

	Having dressed he ambled down to the kitchen and made a pot of
coffee. While it was brewing he sat at the breakfast table, eating a bowl
of musili while looking out at the back yard. Nearly half of the weeds had
been removed. He resolved to finish the job today

	"I guess I'll hire a sod company to come in and prepare the soil
and lay the sod for a new lawn." He said under his breath.

	Saturn jumped up onto the table and mirped at him. He
absent-mindedly stroked her back.  She mirped at him again. "Yeah, I don't
know why he left like that. Maybe he'll come back over later and tell us."

 	She butted his hand.

 	"Maybe we rushed into having sex too soon. But, God, that was so
good. I hadn't realized how I missed it." He confided to the cat.

	His sex drive had died with Ted. Now Nathan had revived it. He
thought about the magnificent body that had shared his bed last night. It
was almost like having Ted again. But Nathan wasn't Ted, even though he was
a fantastic substitute. So why did he feel so empty this morning? The sex
had been great, but compared to what he had felt with Ted there was
something lacking. Maybe it was simply not knowing if Nathan felt the same
way he did.

	He sighed and picked up his bowl, and the box of cereal. He put he
cereal in the cabinet, rinsed out his bowl and filled his coffee mug. He
realized he hadn't fed Saturn this morning. He got out a can of fish
favored Iams, put it in a clean dish, checked her water dispenser, and then
went out to the yard. He surveyed it for a few moments, set his coffee mug
down, put on his gloves and kneeled where he had left off yesterday. He
pulled weeds with a vengeance for nearly an hour. He sat back and looked at
what he had accomplished. He stood and stretched and then started bundling
what he had pulled.

	As the sun rose over the avocado tree Jim could feel it on his
sunburned neck. He went in and pulled off the T-shirt he was wearing and
put on a collared shirt. Back in the yard he kneeled again and started in
pulling more weeds. The sun was still getting to his neck so he turned up
the collar. That did the trick.

	He had all the weeds around the pedestal cleared away and was
steadily moving closer to the fence. He heard Saturn meow behind him. He
sat back on his heels and looked at her. She sat on the pedestal looking
like a sleek black statue. As he admired her, there was a chatter of a
piece of wrought iron furniture being dragged on concrete from the Nathan's
back yard. Saturn leaped off the pedestal and ran to the fence. In a
heartbeat she was up and over it.

	"Well, hello, Satty, how are you this morning?" He heard Nathan
say. The cat meowed as though talking to him. Jim shook his head in
wonder. "That cat is a strange creature." He mumbled to himself.

	He wondered if Nathan was going to look over the fence or just
ignore him. Jim thought about what he was probably doing on his side of the
fence. He considered going to the wall and saying something to Nathan. But
he wasn't about to initiate communication at this point; Nathan was the one
that had run.

	His curiosity was getting him though. He stood up and removed his
gloves dusted himself off and went upstairs to his bedroom where he could
see into Nathan's backyard. He felt like a voyeur as he moved the curtain
just enough to see out. Nathan was laying on a chaise longue reading a
book. Saturn was lying on his legs apparently sound asleep. Jim felt
betrayed abandoned. He backed away from the window and sat down on the bed.

	Maybe he had misread Nathan's actions and words; he thought Nathan
had really wanted to get into a relationship. Jim had opened himself
totally to his advances after he had discovered Nathan wasn't
circumcised. "Maybe I scared him off." He reviewed the morning before
Nathan had fled.  He could find no reason for his actions. "I don't
understand it, but I'm not going to let it affect me." Jim said to himself
as he trudged back down to the yard.  He stood and stared at the wall a
moment and shrugged. He went back to weed pulling. He blanked his mind of
all thought and worked with a vengeance. An hour later he was amazed at how
much he had accomplished. He tied the new batch of weeds into manageable
bundles and carried all of them out to the front and stacked them along
side the driveway.  He went back to the backyard and viewed what he had
done. It felt good to see all the weeds gone. "Tomorrow I'll call a sod
company and have a lawn put in. and then, I'll plant some flowers and
bushes maybe, before I put Ted's ashes into the urn and adhered it to the
pedestal. Doing all that would bring closure to that whole part of my
life," he thought to himself.

	He trekked upstairs pulling his clothes off as he went. He hopped
into the showered and soaked the tiredness out of his aching muscles. As he
dried off, he thought about calling Al his life-long buddy. He hadn't
talked to him for three weeks. It was time to at least touch base with him.

	Al and Jim had grown up together. Al had had some trouble accepting
that Jim was gay, but they worked it through and were even tighter friends
since. They have always shared their private lives with each other. Al was
there for him when Ted was killed and Jim had been there for him through
his recent divorce.  He lived in Santa Monica so they always met somewhere
in between to catch up on each other's life.

	 When Jim called him, he suggested that they meet at Philippe's in
Old Town L.A. at seven that evening.  Al wasn't really a phone person, so
Jim held in his frustrations until they were face to face. He decided to go
on down to old town and take a walk down Alvarado Street; play the tourist,
checking out all the little Mexican shops and then stroll over to the
restaurant to meet Al. He put out a fresh can of food for that turncoat
cat, showered, dressed and left.

	Jim quickly became bored with the tourist trap that Alvarado Street
had become and wandered across to the grand old train station. He stood by
one of the art deco lamppost outside remembering the scene in the old
classic film noir "Criss Cross" with Yvonne DeCarlo and Burt
Lancaster. Only the cars seemed to have changed.  He meandered inside and
marveled at the grandeur.  It was indeed a temple to travel from the heyday
of trains. As he wandered, he found himself standing in front of a fountain
in a little side garden that he hadn't been aware of before. He sat on a
bench and lost himself in a daydream.

	Sometime later, he realized that he had really zoned out. He
checked his watch. He was ten minutes late. He sprinted out of the building
and up the street to the restaurant. Al was standing there waiting.

	"Where've you been, Buddy, I saw your car parked over here when I
drove up."

	"Hope you haven't been waiting long."

	"Nah, I just got here a minute ago."

	"I don't believe you. You've been here at least five minutes,
haven't you?

	Al looked at his watch.

	"Eight."

	"I'm sorry. I found this little garden on the side of the station
and just spaced out for a while."

	"The one with the wall fountain? I've taken a couple of chicks
there before. Cool place." He clapped Jim on the shoulder.  "Ready for the
world's best Tri-tip sandwich?"

	"I'm drooling just thinking about one. It's been a long time since
I've been here." Jim's spirits drooped as he thought about the last
time. It had been a double date with Al and one of his "chicks" and, of
course he'd been with Ted. Al saw the sudden change and knew what Jim was
thinking about.

	"Hey, Jim buddy, don't go there." He hugged Jim's shoulder and
muscled him through the door and into one of the long lines waiting to
order food.



	As they sat on benches on each side of a trestle table, with a
juicy sandwich wrapped in paper and crisp fries on a paper plate, and a big
mug of cold beer each, they renewed their friendship. Jim and Al didn't
have a lot in common in their everyday lives, but they had developed a
lasting friendship in childhood that had endured over the years. They were
brothers at heart.  More recently in their adult lives their relationship
seemed to revolve around sharing their romances with each other. When Jim
had connected with Ted, the relationship between Al and him had subsided to
a rather one-sided affair with Al doing most of the talking. Occasionally
Jim would have a bitch to share with Al, but mostly it was aboout how much
he loved Ted and how well they got along. The friendship had held together
simply because the two men were so fond of each other. Jim had always
thought that if Al had been gay they would probably have been lovers.

	And Al just enjoyed the friendly banter that always went on between
them when the two of them got together. When Ted had been killed Al was
there for Jim's emotional support. Many a night he had broken a date to be
at Jim's side when he was having a difficult time dealing with the loss and
loneliness. Many a night he had slept with Jim, holding him snug against
his body as Jim wept in his sleep.

	Al studied Jim as he concentrated on his sandwich.  He could see
that there was something new bothering him.

	"Okay, buddy, out with it." He said.

	Jim looked up at him, raised his eyebrows in surprise.

	"Come on, Jim, I know you. Tell me what's bugging you."

	Jim sighed and placed his sandwich back on the paper plate with
care. He sighed again. "Alright. Here goes. Believe me this weird." He
commenced to tell Al about the move and meeting Nathan. Al was wide-eyed,
but didn't interrupt. He was forming his own opinion about Nathan's true
identity. Life histories could be forged as easily as anything else. He was
sure that Jim was going to confirm that Nathan was really Ted, and that the
identical twin thing was just a hoax. When Jim got to Nathan entering his
bedroom. Al was certain that he was right; Ted had always been
aggressive. Jim had told him repeatedly in the past how Ted always was the
aggressor in the sexual relationship.  When Jim told him about Nathan
having not been circumcised, Al was beside himself.

	"You're kidding! You mean to tell me that Ted and Nathan were
Identical twins and neither one knew it until after Ted was killed?"

	"That's what I'm telling you."

	"How weird is that. And even weirder to discover that Nathan's
story was true, the way that you did. I wonder why he didn't step forward
and claim Ted's estate. He could have, you know."

	"Don't say that out loud. The trauma, the hours of paperwork just
because we hadn't made out wills and done all legal crap. God!  No way
could I go through all that another time. You can believe me there will not
be another time. I shall have all the damned legal forms if there is a next
time."

	Al laughed at the over dramatization. "What do you mean 'if'? I
thought you and Nathan were well on the way."

	Jim ducked his head. "I haven't told you about this morning."

	"So what about this morning?" Al asked.

	Jim went into detail about the morning's events and how he was
stumped as to why Nathan had fled. Al listened and thought about how Jim
felt.

	"You know, Jim, I can relate to Nathan's reaction this morning. The
intimacy of lying in bed after a night of loving is nice. But the intimacy
of listening to your partner's morning ablutions can be frighteningly
intimate. I know. I have done the same thing that Nathan did. I panicked
and ran. After my disastrous four years of marriage, I'm afraid of
committing myself to another woman. That's why I try to get away before
sleep overcomes me or before she wakes up. I'm afraid of that kind of
closeness. Maybe because it hints of commitment, I don't know. I just run
like a rabbit when it happens."

	Jim sat there staring at Al, not really seeing him as he thought
about what he had just said and trying to apply it to Nathan. He didn't
think it was the same. He felt that Nathan was ready for a total commitment
but he still couldn't figure out why he had run.


	Nathan reread the same page six times before he realized he had no
idea of what he had read. He closed the book and laid it on the wrought
iron table beside his chaise. He absentmindedly petted Saturn as she slept
on his lap. He reran the evening and night spent with Jim. It had been more
fulfilling than any other time he had been to bed with a man. When he
thought about Jim, he felt a tenderness that he had not felt toward another
person, except maybe his mother and this feeling was not comparable to what
he felt for her. There was passion and sexual desire mixed into what he
felt toward Jim. He wanted to just hold him and know that Jim wanted the
same thing. So why had he run this morning? What exactly panicked him?

	He started a dialog with himself. A dialog often brought the hidden
problem to the fore, just as it worked with his patients.
	"Alright, Nathan, why did you run?"
	He mentally shrugged.
	"Tell me how you feel about Jim."
	"When I met him there was an immediate sexual attraction, sure, but
when he fainted that attraction kind of faded into the background. I found
myself wanting to protect him."
	"Running certainly was not protecting him."
	"No it wasn't."
	"So why?"
	"I've never been in a relationship where I felt this way before."
	"You ran. What was that all about?"
	"Panic. Pure and simple. Mindless. Thoughtless."
	"It certainly was. How do you think Jim felt?"
	"He's probably hurt."
	"He's probably wondering if he did something that might have caused
you to run from him."
	"He did. He accepted my advances."
	"You didn't want him to?"
	"Well, yeah, of course I did, but----."
	"But what?"
	"I didn't expect that he would do it so whole heartedly. He said he
loved me, dammit. That scared me."
	"Excuse me, but you said it first."
	"Yeah, but that was in the heat of passion."
	"You didn't really mean it then."
	"That's what really scares me. I did mean it."
	"Are you afraid that he didn't?"
	"Do you think that he really did?"
	"Hey, I'm the one asking the questions. You're not from Maine, so
don't answer with a question."
	"Yes, dammit, I'm scared to death that he didn't really mean
it. That he is really just transferring his attachment for my dead twin to
me. Okay!?"
	"No need to get belligerent. Yes, it's perfectly okay to be feeling
that way. But rather than run, wouldn't be better to discuss this with him?
You are a professional psychiatrist, act like one."
	"I know that, but---."
	"No buts. What are you going to do about it?"
	"What do you think I should do?"
	"Well, since you ask, I think you should march right over there and
apologize first off, and then sit down and talk to him. You do know how,
don't you?"
	"Don't get snide. Of course, I know how."
	"Then get off your sorry ass and go do it."



	Smiling at his success, Nathan opened his eyes and sat up. He was
stiff and cold. The sun had moved to the point that he was completely in
the shade. He stretched and looked at his watch. He'd been lying there for
over four hours.He must have slept. Saturn was gone. He stood and walked
over to the fence. When he peered over he saw that all the weeds had been
pulled.  He went into the house and washed his face in cold water. He went
out the front door and walked over to Jim's. He rang the doorbell. There
was no answer. He rang again and knocked. There still was no answer.  He
stuffed his hands in his pockets and started back towards his own house. He
noticed the neat stack of bundled weeds. "Well," he thought, "I don't have
anything else to do right now."

	He pulled his pickup around to Jim's driveway, loaded the weeds and
headed for the dump to dispose of them. "I'm sure Jim will be aggravated
that I'm doing this, but I think he will also appreciate not having to deal
with them."  As he drove along his thoughts turned to last night. He
noticed that his jeans were getting awfully tight and uncomfortable. He
chuckled to himself. "Before you can do that again, Nathan, you're going to
have to straighten out things between you two.  You can't just jump back
into bed with him.  That wouldn't be fair to either one of you."

	When Nathan got back to the house it was nearly dark. There were no
lights on next door.  He parked the pickup and went into his own house.  He
had lived here all of his life, the last three years by himself.  Never had
it felt empty and lonely like it did now. He turned on lights as he walked
through the house. It didn't dispel the emptiness. He went into his office
and sat down at the desk. In the dark he watched with his chin on his
palms, elbows on the desk. He watched. Eventually sleep over took him; he
rested his head on his folded arms and dozed.


	Al and Jim talked for a long while after they finished their
sandwiches. Al had gotten another beer for them each. They were in no hurry
to finish them off as they talked. For two guys who had little in common,
one straight, the other gay, they had a lot to share with each other. At
five of nine Al looked at the big neon clock on the wall. He stretched.

	"I'd better be going. Tomorrow is Monday. I've got to be perky." He
didn't use words like 'perky' except around Jim. Neither of them thought
anything of it, even if it did sound a little gay. "It must be nice not
having to go to work every day."

	"Well, it has been, but truthfully, it's getting to be a little
boring. I've been thinking of starting my own business, just to have
something to fill my time."

	"Wow, to have your own business; be your own boss. Must be great."

	"I don't know. I think it would be a big responsibility. There's so
much you have to do, business license, taxes, payrolls."

	"I haven't thought that far. So what kind of business would you go
into?"

	"Oh, something to do with computers. I need to do a lot of
research."

	"Damn that sounds fun."

	"You want to be my partner?"

	"You're kidding. I don't have any money."

	"You don't need money. I've got that. What you have is more
important than money."

	"Yeah? Like what?"

	"Expertise with computers. There's nothing that you can't do with a
computer."

	Al was quiet. He had his head down thinking. He looked up.

	"Are you serious?"

	"Yes."

	"Let me think about it. I'll call you in a couple of days."

	"Great. I'll be waiting." Jim turned to walk to his car down the
street.
	"Jim." He turned and looked at Al. "Good luck with Nathan. But go
slowly. Don't jump into it without looking."

	"I will. Thanks, Al. Call me when you are ready."

	"G"night, Jim."

	Jim smiled at him and turned back toward his car.

	As he pulled into his driveway, Jim looked over at Nathan's. Every
room was lit except his little office that faced Jim's driveway. As he
pulled even with the window of Nathan's office, Jim could see the
silhouette of his head back lighted by the open door behind him. He
appeared to be sleeping at his desk. Jim knew he had fallen asleep watching
for him to get home. He pulled his car into the garage, got out and hit the
button to close it. He ducked under the closing door. He noticed that the
stack of weeds he'd pulled were gone. He felt irritated, where moments
before he had almost been euphoric at the thought of seeing Nathan. He
walked over to Nathan's and rang the doorbell.



Nathan woke with a start when the garage door closed behind Jim's car.  He
sat back and stretched. The doorbell chimed. He rushed to open the door. He
realized that the thought of seeing Jim excited him. He smiled as he opened
the door.

	"I suppose that the disappearance of my weeds is your way of
apologizing for you disappearance this morning."

	Nathan's smile disappeared. "You're awflly obsessive about the
weed. No, that's not my way of apologizing."

	"So you're not apologizing. Fine." Jim spun on his heels and
started toward his house. Nathan followed.

	"Jim, I do apologize. The a weeds were just a gesture to say I care
for you."

	Jim stopped. Without turning to Nathan he said, "Last night you
said you love me."

	"Jim, come in and let's talk. I have a lot of explaining to
do. Please."

	Jim turned around. "So you didn't mean it."

	"I-I-I did mean it, God damn it. Would you please come back and
let's talk. Please, just stop jumping to conclusions."

	Jim walked up to Nathan who had tears running down his cheeks. "I
meant it, too." He said as he wrapped his arms around Nathan's chest.
Nathan enfolded him in his. After a few moments Nathan broke the hug and
guided Jim into his house with an arm around his back.

	Nathan sat on one end of the sofa. Jim started to sit next to him.

	"No, sit in that chair where we can look at each other." Jim looked
hurt.

	"If you still want to sit next to me after we have talked I'll more
than welcome you."

	Jim sat down and crossed his leg over his other knee. He folded his
hands into his lap. He waited. Nathan studied Jim's face a few moments
before he spoke.

	"I know you've been wondering all day why I ran this morning. I
spent most of the day trying to figure it out myself. This is the
conclusion I come to:I panicked. Why?  Well, that gets complicated.  I have
never been in a lasting relationship.  I have a tendency to assume the
other person feels the same way I do.  And they usually don't.  I find
myself being hurt.  I fear being hurt again.
	"I need to know that you feel for me like I feel for you. I need to
know that you are not just transferring your feelings for Ted to me just
because we looked and apparently acted so much alike.
	"I find myself feeling emotions that I've never experienced toward
another before. I hope that you feel the same way. If you don't, it will
hurt, but not devastate me like it would later. So I guess what I need to
do now is ask you, "Do You Feel the Same,Jim?"

	Jim didn't answer immediately.  He studied Nathan for a couple of
minutes as he sorted through his feeling.  As the seconds ticked by Nathan
began to feel that Jim wasn't going to answer; he was getting antsy.
Finally, Jim dropped his gaze.

	"I truly believed that you were Ted.  I wanted you one last time.
I was planning on leaving this morning and never see you again." Jim
chuckled. "I was going to be the one that ran.  But, guess what, you never
were Ted.  When I put my hand on your cock and felt your foreskin, I
suddenly felt I could be happy again.  I could love you as you.
	"Have I transfer my feelings for Ted to you? Possibly, some. How
could I not? You know I'll always love Ted. But he's gone. And I want to
love you as much as I have loved him.  You are a warm loving man, Nathan.
And you deserve to be loved as strongly as you love.  I want to do that.
	"We've known each other barely two weeks.  It takes time for a
strong bond to form.  Let's agree to work toward that strong bond. When I
say I love you Nathan, I mean it with my whole heart and soul.  But in a
year or ten when I say 'I love you,' it will mean so much more and you can
be assured that I will strive toward that goal."  He looked up and met
Nathan's eyes.  They smiled at each other.

	"Come over here, you beautiful smart man. You'd think that as a
psychiatrist I would know more than you about emotions."

	Jim moved over to the sofa and sat as close as he could to him.
Nathan gathered him in to a hug. Jim relaxed into his embrace and hugged
him back.

	"You want to stay here tonight?"

IF YOU LIKED READING THIS STORY, HERE ARE OTHERS I HAVE POSTED:

Beginnings "Sonny and the Law",Listed 9-17-01
Relationships "Dining Alone" 10-30-01
Incest "Like a Promised Sunrise" 12-3-01

You may flame me or whatever at js.collection@verizon.net