Date: Fri, 10 Jan 2003 06:47:42 -0800
From: JS Collection <js.collection@verizon.net>
Subject: Someone Like You (REDUX)

THIS STORY IS TOTALLY FICTITIOUS. IT CONTAINS DESCRIPTIVE SEX
BETWEEN TWO MEN. IF THIS IS OFFENSIVE TO YOU GO ELSE WHERE. IF IT
IS ILLEGAL FOR YOU TO BE READING IT YOU SHOULDN'T BE HERE TO
BEGIN WITH, SOJUST GO AWAY. OTHERWISE ENJOY IT. JWS

OK, Fellows, I have corrected my big boo boos and tightened up the
ending. Thanks, Iain, for the suggetion. I think I got it right this
time. Chapter(new) follows. JWS

	SOMEONE LIKE YOU (REDUX)
	by J.W. SMITH

	Chapter 1

	I closed the door behind the last moving man, locked it, leaned
against it and gazed around the empty room. Most of six wonderful years
with Ted had been lived here and three terribly lonely ones since his
death. Well, it was time to put it all behind me and start over again. Kind
of. It felt like I was just continuing my numb celibate life in a different
location.

	There was a plaintive cry from the cat carrier sitting on the
kitchen counter with the few items I was carrying with me in my car. I went
in and stuck my finger through the wires and caressed her."I know,
Saturn. It will all be over soon. You're going to love our new
home. There's a big back yard just for you."

	She chirruped sadly. I got the feeling she was rather doubtful
about it, too. I did a last walkthrough checking for anything that might
have been over looked.  I refused to think about all the wonderful times
that we had spent in this place. I had done that for three long years, now
it was time to move on and start a new life.

	When I didn't come up with anything, I loaded the two boxes, one
containing Ted's ashes, into the back seat of my car. I returned to the
kitchen for the last time and picked up Saturn's carrier and my brief case,
and locked the door behind me. I dropped my case on the floorboard and set
her on the seat and belted her in.  I eased behind the wheel and kind of
collapsed against it.

	'Come on, fellow, you can do this. You've already gotten this far.'
I thought to myself, but I knew the hardest part was yet to come.

	I backed out of the garage and stepped out of the car with the
garage door gizmo. I pushed the button and tossed it under the closing door
where the new owners could find it. Getting back into the car I wheeled on
to Sherman Way and headed for the 405. I was a bit glad to be leaving the
San Fernando Valley. This was an end to an era.

	Forty-five minutes later, I turned off the 210 onto Fair Oaks
Avenue, headed north to Altadena and our new home. The big old house sat
half a block back from the street. I pulled into the long driveway, drove
up to the garage, and just sat there for a few moments, steeling myself for
the next step. Moving in.

	"I can do this. Just don't think; go with the flow." I said aloud
to myself. It had become my mantra over the last three years. The cat
meowed plaintively. I stuck a finger though the carrier and rubbed her
head. "Just a couple more hours, Saturn. I promise you're going to love
your new home."

	I got out of the car, draped my arms over the car door and looked
at the house. It was a two story 1920s Spanish Revival. It was a perfectly
proportioned house. Ted had loved the symmetry. I thought a moment about
how lonely it was going to be here, bouncing off the walls by myself. Ted
had wanted this house so much. I loved the old place, too. It was just so
big.

	Ted and I had put a down payment and signed all the papers to this
big old house in Altadena just before the accident. We were preparing to
move when he was killed. Everything went on hold until all the legal
matters were straightened out. We had procrastinated doing all the wills
and other documents we have to have in order to protect ourselves from the
straight legal system.

	Being that he had no siblings and both parents were dead and no
living relatives came forward.  It was decided that I was the only one
eligible to get it all, including the huge insurance settlement with the
trucking company whose truck, driven by a driver with a bad drinking
record, had smashed Ted's car with him in it.

	The previous owner was a elderly lady had outlived all of her
relatives. The payments were to support the Pasadena Playhouse, a reknowned
old live theatre.  The monthly payments were to go directly to the
Theatre. I was working as a computer consultant and making good money. I
made a deal with the theatre that if they would let me continue making the
payments until the whole legal mess wasstraightened out that I would make a
sizable contribution to them when it was all settled. So at the age of
thirty-one I am now a patron of the arts. They were so grateful for the
contribution and the continued steady influx of money from the monthly
house payments that they gave me season tickets for two for the rest of my
life.

	'Don't think; go with the flow.' I reminded myself.

	On the east side of my drive way there is a cottage that years ago
had been part of the estate. A previous owner had sold it with a sizable
piece of the property with it. The windows on the west side looked out onto
my front yard . We had been told that a man and his elderly mother lived
there.

	I walked around my car to retrieve Saturn . As I stood up with her
carrier in my arms, I glanced at the window next door. I saw the man next
door, sitting at his desk watching me. I locked eyes with him. I could have
sworn that I was looking right into Ted's eyes. I froze. This had to be a
hallucination. He waved and nodded. I shook my head to clear it. He was
still there, smiling at me. I smiled weakly and dropped my gaze. I turned
away. Now was not the time to start imagining things I told myself. I
walked over to the moving van, parked on the circular driveway. The men had
unloaded several pieces of furniture and boxes onto the lawn and were ready
to start moving the stuff inside, so I unlocked the front door.

	I went through to the kitchen and into the pantry. I closed the
door and let Saturn out of her carrier. She mewed softly and wrapped her
sleek black body around my leg, thanking me for releasing her and then she
started exploring. She jumped up on the window ledge and looked out. She
turned back to me with a pleading look in her big golden eyes.

	"After the movers have gone and you've thoroughly explored the
house, then you can go out and do the yard." I told her.

	She seemed content with that and continued gazing out the window. I
gave her a bowl of water and some dry food.

 	The rest of the day was spent directing where everything went.
When it was all in and the movers had left, I started sorting through the
stacks of boxes, extracting the ones I had marked for immediate use,
bedding, bathroom necessities, kitchen items like the coffee maker. The
doorbell rang. 'It must be my next door neighbor.' I thought.

	Recalling my hallucination earlier, I wonder what he really looked
like. I opened the door. He had his back to me. I quickly did an inventory
of what I was seeing, blonde short hair, broad muscular shoulders, narrow
waist, small hips and long legs. The whole package was quite familiar. And
then he turned around smiling that special smile that I missed so
terribly. I looked into his warm brown eyes and my mind shut down. My
lights went out.

	As I started regaining consciousness and becoming cognizant of my
surroundings, I realized I was lying on the sofa. I heard a sound and
turned my head toward it. He was standing by the mantle, frowning. He had
my favorite photo of Ted and me in his hand. It had been taken on top of
the Empire State Building. I closed my eyes and moaned. I wasn't imagining
this. I was seeing Ted. "Do you remember when that was taken?" I asked.

	He quickly set the photo down and knelt beside me. I guess he chose
to ignore the question. he didn't answer. He wiped a cool damp cloth over
my forehead.  I opened my eyes and looked at him.  Tears filled my eyes
blurring my vision. I closed them and felt the tears streaking down the
sides of my face. He gently wiped them away with the cloth. He was
definitely Ted.

	"Feeling better?" He asked.

	I slowly shook my head no.

	"The photo. That's not me. Who is it?" He asked

	I looked at him. I closed my eyes and frowned. I pushed him away
and sat up. What kind of fucked up game was he playing? I needed a
stimulant to help me think, to help me cope with this. "I think I need some
coffee."  I stood up and walked away from him, toward the kitchen. I was
angry, hurt, confused.

	He followed me. I ignored him, trying to get my thoughts together
and figure out what was going on.  I was elated that he was not dead. I was
furious that he had lead me to believe that he was, and that he let me
mourn for him for three unending long years. I poured water and grounds
into the coffee maker, and turned it on. I turned around, folding my arms
across my chest; I leaned back against the counter. "Alright, Ted,
explain."

	He looked at me like I had lost my mind. He blinked and then looked
at me again. I could have sworn he didn't know what I was talking
about. Damn, he was a good actor. "My name is not Ted. My name is Nathan
Taylor."

	How the hell could he look me in the eye and act so god dammed
innocent? "You fuck. You put me through three years of agony. Three years
I've mourned your death every moment of every day. And now you walk back in
to my life. Just like that." I snapped my fingers in his face. "How dare
you?" I raged at him. I wanted to pound him to make him hurt as badly as I
was hurting. Instead I turned and slammed my fist against the cabinet
door. I was crying, completely out of control.

	He lunged forward and wrapped his arms around me and pulled me away
from the cabinet. My knuckles were bleeding, and there was a hole in the
door. "Calm down." He said trying to sooth me.

	I was having nothing of it. "How could you? No amount of money is
worth what you've put me through.  I really thought you were dead." I
cried. I pulled away and rounded on him. "You are dead, you son of bitch."
I screamed at him.  "You are not going to come back into my life after
abandoning me and putting me though hell for three years."

	I was rabid. I could have killed him. He calmly slapped me. It
wasn't a hard slap, but the shock of it quieted me. Ted had never laid a
hand on me. He grabbed me and hugged me hard against his chest.  When I
didn't react in anger he let go of me. "I'm sorry. You're a bit
hysterical. Please, sit down and tell me what you are talking about."

	I stared at him in total disbelief. I was speechless. He seemed so
sincere. I sat down, not taking my eyes off him. The hostility I was
feeling made my eyes feel dry and hot. He gently pushed me into a chair and
sat down opposite me.  At odd moments like this, I always hear some stupid
song in my head, like the background music in a movie. I could hear Tim
Hardin singing in my mind now.

	"Knowing that you lie
 	Straight faced while I cry"

	"As I said, my name is Nathan Taylor. I grew up next door, where
you first saw me. I am a Psychiatrist. I work with disturbed young people."
He sat there looking at me as if he expected some kind of response from
me. I just glared at him. "Won't you tell me your name?" He said it as if
he were speaking to a mentally deficient. Oh man, this was good. But I
wondered why he hadn't changed his occupation along with his name.

	"You know my name. Why are you playing this game?" I asked.

	"If I knew your name I wouldn't have to ask, now would I?"

	"Alright, I'll play along. My name is Jim Baxter." I was feeling
exasperated and belligerent.

	"So who is this Ted you keep accusing me of being?"

	"You know who the fuck you are." I growled at him.

	"Okay, Jim, let's pretend I don't know." He was good at playing the
head shrinker. His was voice calming, soothing.  "Who is Ted?"

	"You were my partner, you shit. We bought this house together
before you were killed. As you well know." I screamed in frustration.

	"I didn't know. I am sorry for your loss." I could see the gentle
kindness in his eyes as he said that, but I still wasn't going to let him
get away with this cruel, mean game.

	The song played on in my head.
	"Still I look to find a reason to believe."



	"So very kind of you to care. And if you think you're going to get
your hands on the insurance money you are wrong. I'm turning it all back to
them and repay what I have spent. I'll see you burn in hell before I let
you have it."

	He sat across the table from me.  He studied me. The coffee maker
burped and sighed as the last of the water was pushed into the grounds.  I
got up automatically and filled two mugs. I poured a little cream and two
level teaspoons of sugar into one, stirred it and handed it to him. He was
hesitant to take it at first, but then he took it and raised it to his
lips, tasting it as he looked at me. He frowned. I stood there
watching. "What? Isn't that how you like it?"

	"It's exactly like I like it. What I don't understand is how you
would know that."

	"I fixed your coffee at least once a day for six years. Why
wouldn't I know how you like it?" I snapped at him.

	"Stop."  He held his hands up, palms out, in front of his
chest. "This discussion is going circular. Please, sit back down and let me
try to get this straight."

	I sat back down, arms folded, glowering at him over my coffee mug.

	"Okay, I think I have figured this out." He said. "I look exactly
like Ted. I am assuming that you believe that I am Ted, and that I was not
really killed. And I'm supposed to be after some insurance money. Is that
correct?"  I nodded.

	"Okay.  Now I'm going to tell you a story." He said.  "This has me
completely weirded out.  I'm sure it will do the same to you, too.  Anyway,
a little over two years ago my mother died. In going through her private
papers, I happened up on a set of documents indicating that I was adopted
at birth. The papers also indicated that I had an identical twin that my
parents had petitioned to adopt too. Apparently for some reason they didn't
succeed and my twin was adopted by another family. I started a search for
him, only to learn that he had died about a year earlier. His name was Ted
Kincaide. Both of his parents were deceased. I looked no further."

	I leaned back in my chair staring at him. Did he really expect me
to believe this farfetched story?  Come on, I wasn't born yesterday. As I
looked at him I recalled the Ted I knew. I couldn't imagine him doing this
to me. "You were the center of my universe." I said to him.  "My whole life
revolved around you. I don't understand. Why? I never thought money was so
important to you that you would do something so dastardly as this. I loved
you." Tears filled my eyes again.

	"You don't believe a word of what I just told you. Do you?" he
asked.

	I just stared dolefully at him through my tears. Not only had he
broken my heart now he was spitting on it. And I had loved him. I still
loved him. The song continued in my subconscious:
	"If I listened long enough to you
	 I'd find a way to believe it's all true."


	"I guess the only thing to do is to show you the documents." He
stood up. "Come with me." He turned and walked to the front door. I
hesitated and then followed, thinking this was going to be good. He held
the screen door open for me to step into his house, and then closed it
behind himself as he followed me into the room. "Please be seated I'll be
back in a minute."

	I stood where I was, looking around the room. It was comfortable,
decorated with discrete taste.  Masculine Spanish Revival furniture
complemented the style of the house itself.  A couple of exquisite Plein
Aire Paintings hung on the walls. A beautiful large oriental carpet covered
the dark wood floor.

	'This is how I want the big house to look.' I thought to myself.

	He came back in the room laden with a box, a folder of papers and a
first aid kit. "Before we get into this, let me take care of your hand." He
sat down on the sofa, placing the box and papers on the coffee table. He
opened the kit, and then patted the cushion beside him. I had forgotten
about my hand. Now that I directed my attention to it, it started
throbbing. "Come sit."

	I sat. He took my hand and examined it. "I don't think you broke
any bones, but it's going to be sore." He tore open an alcohol wipe and
cleaned the dried blood off my knuckles. I hissed at the sharp sting.

	"Sorry."

	"'s all right."

	"You'll have to replace a panel in that cabinet door. I'm glad you
didn't aim at my face." He chuckled. He smoothed some ointment on them and
tore open a roll of gauze, wrapped it around my hand several times and then
he split the end of the roll and tied it off.


	"Some one like you
	 Makes it hard to live without someone else."
	The song sang on

	"There that should keep it clean until it starts to heal." He
squeezed my knee. The jolt of his touch shot up my leg. I flinched.
"Sorry. I wasn't being personal."

	I ducked my head embarrassed at the affect he had on me. He reached
over and picked up the folder and handed it to me. "I'll leave you to
peruse these. I'll be back in a moment." He left the room, leaving me with
a thick file of papers on my lap. Most of them were yellowed with age. I
glanced through them not knowing what I should be looking for really. I saw
official looking seals and signatures. I saw his name on a birth
certificate. Leafing on through them I found what looked like a copy of
Ted's Birth certificate. I held it in one hand; Nat's in the other, and
compared them. Nathan's being an original was certainly older looking. I
leafed on through. I found a request for information and then copies of the
adoption papers for Ted.

	I closed the folder and laid it back on the coffee table. Okay, it
looked like he was telling the truth, but again if he was going to fake his
death, wouldn't he also go through the trouble of faking all these papers?
My thoughts were a bunch of Keystone Cops falling all over each other,
jumbled, not making sense. I sat with my elbows on my knees, my head in my
hands, eyes closed, trying to not think or even feel. I was aware of when
he came back into the room and sat down beside, but still I jumped when he
put his hand on my back.

	"I didn't mean to startle you. Are you okay?" he asked, rubbing his
hand briskly up and down my spine. I had hungered for that touch for so
long.

	"I'm sorry, I didn't know." I said. "It's so strange. How could you
be so like him and you never even knew him? You use his expressions like
'weirded out'. You like you coffee fixed the same way. You're a
psychiatrist working with kids just like him. I think it's going to take
some time to accept this."

	"Well, Jim, it's going to take us both time to get our heads on
straight about this. Can it really be just a coincidence that my twin and
his lover bought a house next door to me? I wish I could have known
him. But maybe knowing you will give me a window on him."

	He picked up the box and sat it between us. Opening it he took out
a book of photos. "This was my family. My father and mother. This was me at
three. My high school graduation picture."  On and on he droned as my head
swam. I had all of Ted's family photos stored away in a similar box. I had
never looked at them. I stood up preparing to go.

	"Nathan." Damn, it was difficult thinking of him as 'not Ted.' He
looked up at me.  "Nathan, I apologize for screaming at you. I'm
emotionally exhausted. Please forgive me, but I've really got to be by
myself for a while."

	"Hey, I can see what you've gone through. I'm sorry I was party to
it, but I guess neither of us could have prevented it.  When you get it all
straight in your head maybe we can have dinner together and start off on a
new foot."

	"I'd like that. I'll talk to you later." I started out the door.

	"Oh, welcome to the neighborhood, Jim. Call me if you need
anything. Here's my card."

	"Thank you." I said, taking the card.  I walked away with out
looking back. I still wasn't convinced. Forget the looks, he was just too
much like Ted.


	Chapter 2


	I didn't make contact with Nathan again for over a week. I unpacked
everything and got rid of the boxes. It was beginning to look like home,
although there was a scarcity of furniture. The modern dinette set was out
of place in the kitchen, and way too small for the dining room, but that's
where it ended up. There were several bedrooms empty. The den had only a
club chair and the television set.  But, hey, it was home.


				~

	I don't know whether it was because I was making a new beginning in
this big house or the knowledge that I was living next door to a man that
was either my alleged dead lover or his identical twin, but for the first
time in three years I had started having erotic dreams and feeling horny
again. One dream I seemed to have repeatedly was of Ted and Nathan. I was
lying naked on my back while Ted would be dancing around me and then he
would whirl and smile at me. He would bend down and kiss me while caressing
my body. He'd whisper "I'm Ted."Then laughing hysterically he would whirl
again and then again bend down, kiss me and caress me, whispering, "I'm
Nathan." Over and over the dance would continue until I was so sexually
excited by their caressing my body that I would ejaculate. At that point I
would awaken, shaken to the core.

	During the day I would think or do something that reminded me of
him and I'd start getting horny. I would find myself dreaming about him
naked. I would imagine I was running my hand over his hairy chest I would
tickle his nipple with my tongue. It was so vivid I could feel the hairs
sliding across my tongue. In the meantime he would be grasping my buns in
each hand, pulling me into his pelvis while he would hump his cock against
mine. He would be kissing me on the neck and nibbling my earlobes. As I
moved my hand up and down my hard shaft I would imagine him dropping to his
knees and engulfing my cock with his hot wet mouth. I would fill his mouth
with my cum as I blasted it into my hand. I would slide down the wall, my
cock still in my hand. I would weep. I was so miserable with out my
Ted. And then I would think about Nathan next door and wonder what the
truth really was. I didn't really face reality during that week. I lived in
my fantasies and dreams and worked like a slave setting up my new home.



	Saturn, Ted's cat, (she has never quite laid claim to me) had
thoroughly explored the house and decided that it would do as her new
abode. I let her out to explore her new yard. She had always been an indoor
cat, and was a little meek about exploring at first. But once she decided
that it was okay to be outside she became the stalking beast. She loved her
new home.

	The second Saturday morning in my new home, I decided to start on
the backyard. I stood on the porch with a cup of coffee and surveyed
it. Although the property was large, someone had seen the need for the
intimacy of the enclosed space. I thought that it had possibly been done
when the cottage next door had been sold. I loved the privacy of the
six-foot high wall that enclosed it. The big old avocado tree that shaded
much of the yard was filled with ripening fruit. In the middle of the yard
was a tall concrete plinth that must have had a statue on it at one time.

	The yard had been neglected for years. The weeds were nearly waist
high. I figured where I was standing was as good a place to start as
anyplace. I sighed and knelt on the edge of the walk. I started yanking
handfuls of weeds out of the ground and laying them in neat piles to be
bound up and hauled away later.

	I'd been at it for about an hour when Saturn wandered over and
walked under my chin, making certain that her tail wiped across my face.  I
sat back on my heels and surveyed what I had accomplished. It was getting
hot. My t-shirt was stuck to my back with sweat. I stood up and pulled it
off, using it to wipe my brow.  I went into the house and poured myself a
big glass of cool water.

	When I came back out Saturn was sitting on the plinth in the middle
of the weeds. "Big help you are. It's a shame you can't help me. It sure
would sure make this job easier." I said out loud to her, as I sat back
down on my knees. She ignored me and started cleaning her shiny black pelt.

	"A big help I'd be if you'll let me come over and give you a
hand. Is your gate locked?"

	I was down on my hands and knees. I turned and looked. There was
Nat grinning back at me, resting his head on his hands on top of the
wall. Damn, even with a silly grin he was a handsome man. He was so
beautiful to look at. He had a wild shock of blonde hair hanging over his
forehead just like Ted always had, his golden skin setting off his clear
deep blue eyes, that perpetual silly smile on his lips. I would have been
happy to just sit and gaze at him the rest of the day.

	"I don't know which is a prettier sight, that big pile of weeds or
your butt up in the air." I bristled at the forwardness of his
statement. Only Ted had ever said things to me like that.  I chose to
ignore it. I hadn't done any sorting out of my thoughts since my
confrontation with him that first day.

		"You don't really like pulling weeds." I said in an attempt
at discouraging him from coming over.

	"And you do?" He laughed. It thrilled through me.

	"Of course not. But I have to do it." I stood and dusted my hand
and knees off.

	"Then I would like to help you if you would let me." He said.

	How could I resist. "Truthfully," I said, "I would love the
help. Let me get the key to the gate."

	"I'll grab a pair of gloves and be right over." He replied.

	Both of our yards had gates located side by side between his house
and my garage. I had to struggle with the lock to get it to release. I took
it into the garage and sprayed it with WD-40. Nathan was coming through the
gate as I returned the lock to the hasp. He grinned at me. I couldn't help
but grin back.  His eyes were on my bare chest. I watched them lower to the
top of my Levi's. I mentally shuddered. The thought of his hands on my body
was sensory overload. I thought about weeds. That helped.

	"Howdy, Pard. Ready to pull some weeds?" He grinned. I felt the
blood leave my face.

	"Jim?"

	"It's all right. I just have to get used to you. Pard was a name
Ted called me. It's nothing. I'll get over it."

	"I'm sorry. I won't call you that again."

	"No, it's okay. It's just something that I'm going to have to get
used to living next door to you.  Would you like a cold drink before we
start?" I asked.

	"Ice water would be great."

	"I'd like some, too. I'll be right back."

	When I came back out with a pitcher and two glasses on a tray,
Nathan had already started pulling weeds.  I stood and admired his
beautiful back, the ripple of muscles as he worked.  I had a lump in my
throat and in my pants. I looked at the pile next to him. His pile was
already a quarter of the size of the pile I had pulled. "I think you're
trying to show me up." I said.

	Nathan turned and looked up at me. "Nah, I find this therapeutic."
He sat up and pulled his shirt off. My gaze slid over the familiar furry
chest. It was a little more muscular than I remembered it. I handed him a
glass of water. "You're as weird as Ted was, think of pulling weeds as a
form of therapy."

	Nat smiled at me and downed the water, wiped his mouth and handed
the glass back. "Thanks.  What was your name for Ted?"

	I looked at him a moment before answering. "Nerd."

	"That's a joke, right?" He asked.

	"It was rather an inane one, Pard, Nerd, partnered as in married."
Sharing that silly intimacy embarrassed me. Nathan grinned at me, and
continued pulling weeds.

	"I was the one that was really the nerd, with my fascination for
computers." I told him. He smiled at me. That made me feel better. I knelt
back where I had been working and followed suit. We worked in silence for
several minutes.

	'You still miss him?" Nat asked as he pulled another handful.

	"There's not a moment that I don't."

	Again there was a minute or so of silence. Nathan sat back and
gauged how long it was going to take to reach the plinth. I was just a yard
or so from it already. "There was the cutest bronze on top of the plinth
when I was a kid. It was of a little boy holding a frog up by one leg. He
had a such a look of gleeful delight on his face."

	I sat back and looked at Nathan and then at the plinth. "I'm
planning on putting Ted on it."

	Nathan choked. "I don't understand." he said.

	"I found this beautiful old Art Deco urn for Ted's ashes. I'm
planning on placing it on that plinth when I get the yard in shape."

	"Oh. May I ask why?"

	"The main reason we bought this house was because Ted fell in love
with this back yard. I think it would be a fitting memorial to him." I aid.

	Nathan had sat back, gazing at me as I talked. "You are so
beautiful. You glow when you talk about Ted.  I envy what you two had. I'm
sorry you lost him."

	I stood up and walked away. I was having a difficult moment dealing
with the surfacing emotions.  I had kept them submerged for so long. I
leaned against the old avocado tree. Nathan was sitting back on his heels
watching me. He got up and walked over to me.

	"Jim, I didn't mean to upset you."

	"You didn't. I seem to be constantly on the edge of breaking down
since I moved in. I have never been so lonely."

	"I know loneliness. I've been alone my whole life.  It must be
worse when you have had someone that loved you and then you lose him."

	I looked up at him. He raised a hand and caressed the side of my
face. He took my face in both hands and gently kissed me. I melted. Nat
embraced me tightly. "I feel comfortable holding you in my arms, Jim. This
feels so right. From the first time I looked into your eyes, when you
looked over your car at me, I have wanted to hold you.  I've never had that
urge before, toward a man or woman."

	I pulled away. I was having difficulty breathing and tears filled
my eyes.

	"What's wrong?" He asked.

	"Nothing and everything."

	The truth was that I was totally confused. I was missing Ted so
badly and at he same time I had a hard on for this man in front of me.

	"What kind of answer is that?" He asked.

	"One that covers all bases without covering anything."

	"Oh, I get it.  You're trying to be enigmatic." He said, joking,
trying to lighten the moment.

	"Not really, it's just that you're moving so fast.  I feel a need
to back off and breathe. And try to get my head straightened out."

	"I can back off and let you breath. Let's pull some more
weeds. We'll never get the job done if we keep this up."

	At that moment we heard a woman calling from the other side of the
gate. "Hello. Nathan are you in the back yard?"

	"I'm in the yard next door." He called out, as he sprinted to the
six-foot high gate. He pushed it open and a petite woman in her
mid-twenties walked in. She was beautiful, raven black hair cut in a
pixyish bob, big brown eyes. She was wearing khaki slacks and a man's white
dress shirt, the tails tied around her flat slender midriff. Her feet were
clad in thin little spaghetti strapped sandals. Something about her
screamed money. Nathan swept her off her feet and whirled her around.

	"Eew, you're all sweaty. Let me down. What are you guys doing back
here?" She asked.

	"We're pulling weeds. Come, meet Jim."

	She held out her hands toward me as he made the introduction. I
started to offer mine to shake, but she stepped up and hugged me.
"Welcome, new neighbor." She said.

	"Susan and I have been best friends since grade school. She used to
live down the street until her daddy got rich and they moved to San
Marino." Nat was explaining. "I guess I'll have to eventually marry her,
being that she can't find anyone else suitable."

	She playfully punched him in the belly. "You'd love that wouldn't
you, you big lug? But I won't marry you. You could never get used to me
having to have a chambermaid and butler." She said. They laughed holding
each other around the waist. Well, that's not quite right. Her arm was
around his butt and his was resting on her shoulder.  "Besides, you sweat
like a pig." She ran her finger down his sweaty chest.

	"Pigs don't have sweat glands." He replied.

	"Well, then a horse."

	"I like horse."

	"What ever. Anyway, Jim, I love him, but he's just not marrying
material."  She sighed dramatically.

	"So you didn't drive all the way up here to tell me you won't marry
me, what's up?" Nathan asked.

	"Oh, daddy wants me on his arm at some big boring function
tonight. You don't mind that we can't go to Kate's new gallery opening, do
you?"

	"You know I was only going because you ask me to go. Of course I
don't mind. Why didn't just call me?"

	"I can't see your ugly mug over the phone. She said, grinning at
him. "Besides, I wanted a chance to meet Jim. You've talked about him so
much I was intrigued." She smiled at me. I felt the blood rushing into my
face.  I felt angry and betrayed. Apparently, Susan thought I was just
being embarrassed. "It is nice to meet you, Jim, I hope to see more of
you. You blush so charmingly." She turned back to Nathan, and kissed
him. He kissed her back. "Talk to ya."  She said, as she walked away.  She
turned and waved a hand at the yard. "You know a couple of wetbacks could
finish this off in a day for nearly nothing."

	"It's good therapy. Getting in touch with mother earth and all." I
replied. Nathan laughed.

	"What ever. Bye." She disappeared though the gate.

	"Her father is from Texas." Nathan said.

	I guess he was explaining 'wetback'. There are certainly no rivers
to cross here in Southern California.

	Nathan looked at me. I frowned and turned back to the weeds. Nathan
knew that I had bristled at Susan's comment. "Jim, I didn't tell her
anything, except that you are very handsome.  I wouldn't violate your
privacy or your trust.  I respect what you've been through. I respect you."
My shoulders slumped as the anger receded. He thought I was handsome? "You
okay?" He asked, giving me a one armed hug. I pulled away, fighting a
strong urge to embrace him. "Yeah, I'm okay." I said. "It was stupid of me
to just assume you were gay, I apologize."

	"Apology accepted. Let's pull some weeds."

	We went back to the weeds. We worked furiously, occasionally
glancing up to see where the other was. The sun was well past its zenith
when Nathan sat back and looked over at me. "Damn, Jim, you're really
sunburned. You didn't use sun block?"

	"Geez. How stupid can I get? I put some on my face and arms, but I
had a t-shirt on and never even thought about the rest of me. Not that I
could have reached my back." I replied.

	"Dumb ass. I would have put it on you. You had only to ask." He
scolded.

	" Yeah, right. I'm going to go knock on your door and ask you
slather my back with sun block?" I asked. "I don't think so."

	Nathan laughed, and then said, "Hey, get the fuck out of the
sun. You're going to be sick."

	I got off my knees and walked over to the deep shade of the avocado
tree. Standing up made me feel dizzy; I was feeling irritable.  'Damn, he's
as bossy as Ted was.' I thought to myself. I twisted my head to look at my
shoulder. I touched it with my finger and hissed from the sting. It left a
white spot that took a moment to turn red again. Even though I have
pitch-black hair, my eyes are blue and I don't tan easily.

	"I'll be right back. I've got just what you need on that burn."
Nat ran out the gate. He returned a minute later peeling a spike of Aloe
Vera as he walked. I was slumped forward in a lounge chair.  Nat felt my
forehead. "You've got a fever, Pard.  Let me coat you with this and then
we'll get you some aspirin and lots of water." I drew my breath in sharply
as Nat smeared the cool soothing Aloe over my back and shoulders. It made
me forget the pet name he had just used. He lifted me up by my armpits and
lead me into the house. "Lay face down on the sofa. Where do you keep your
aspirin?"

	"There's a box on the sink in the guest bathroom that has all the
first aid stuff in it.  Aspirin should be in it."

	I dozed off.  A minute later, Nathan was urging me to sit up and
swallow the two tablets. I drank the whole glass of water and lay back
down. Nat knelt beside me and brushed the lock of hair from my forehead. He
smiled at me.

	"I'm glad your are here. I'd really be suffering if you weren't?" I
said.

	"I'll always be here if you want me." He replied.

	I frowned. "That didn't sound right coming from a straight guy with
a beautiful girlfriend." I said.

	"Who said I am straight? Susan is beautiful, but we're just
friends."

	I thought back to what he had said and done just before Susan had
made her appearance. I smiled to myself, as I thought. 'I want you, too. I
just have to get used to you looking and acting so much like Ted. I have to
remind myself every time I look at you that I'm looking at Nathan, not
Ted.' I closed his eyes. My temperature was making me sleepy. Nathan
stroked my hair. He started humming. Half asleep, I listened, trying to
catch the tune. Oh, yeah, it was a nursery song. "I'd rather have the
mocking bird; I'm sure it would sing for us." I mumbled.

	Nathan chuckled when he realized I was referring to the words of
the tune he had been mindlessly humming. "Are you sure you wouldn't like
the diamond ring?"

	"Nah, diamonds are a girls best friend, remember? A simple silver
band is all I want." I mumbled.

	He chuckled again. "Are you hinting at something?" He asked.

	I sat up, frowning. The temperature was making feel irritable.
"Would you let it alone. We haven't known each other a week. I'm totally
freaked out moving next door to you. I didn't even know you existed a week
ago."

	"I apologize. I'll keep my mouth shut. Lay back down." Nathan felt
my forehead again. "Your temp may have dropped a little. I'll apply another
coat of aloe." The aloe was so soothing, I regretted that he finished. He
refilled my glass with water and set it on the table beside me. "I'm going
to leave you to nap. If you need anything my number is on the card next to
the water. Just call, I'll come running." He said.

	I just nodded affirmation and closed his eyes.

	I had no idea how long I slept. I remember at some point waking and
seeing Nathan sitting in the armchair across from me, watching me. it wa
comforting. I dozed back off. The next time I woke up completely. I heard a
light snore and opened my eyes and saw him sprawled in the chair. I sat up
and rubbed my eyes. I looked at him again. "What a magnificent man he is,'
I thought to myself. This time I did no comparing him to Ted. I just sat
and admired him.

	I got up, went into the guest bathroom and relieved myself, and
then splashed cold water on my face.  I took a hand towel and dried. I
looked at my shoulders in the mirror and touched the skin. It left a white
mark but didn't hurt. The aloe had worked its magic.

	I padded softly back into the living room and stood gazing down at
Nathan. I was filled with warmth. I knew that there was no backing away
from this man. I felt in my heart we were predestined to be together.
Supporting myself on the chair arms, I leaned down and kissed him softly on
the lips. His eyelids fluttered, but he didn't awaken. I kissed him
again. This time his eyes opened and he gazed right into mine.  I grinned
at him and he grinned back.

	"Caught me napping, huh?" he asked

	"I thought you said you were leaving."

	"I did leave. And then I came back."

	I straightened up and stretched. "What time is it?  I feel so
groggy."

	"It's four o'clock." Nat answered, looking at his watch.

	"Geez, I slept nearly three hours. No wonder I feel groggy."  I
stretched again.

	"Hungry?" He asked.

	"I could eat a horse."

	"Like grilled Salmon instead?"

	"How did you know? It's my favorite." I said.

	"Just a wild guess." Nathan watched me closely to see if I was
going to freak out again. I realized that was what he was doing and smiled
at him. "I made a resolution that from now on I would take every thing in
stride." I told him. "And I think I'll be surprised only at what we don't
click on together. So where are we going for dinner? I haven't learned this
area yet."

	"How about my back yard."

	"That's the name of a restaurant?" I asked.

	"You'll love it. It's as zany as its name. Why don't you go
shower. Dress is real casual. And when you're ready just come over through
my back gate. In the mean time I'll go do the same."



	I climbed the stairs to the bathroom. As I untied my shoes, I
looked out the window. I saw Nathan stirring up the brickets in the
grill. I chuckled to myself at thinking that the name of a restaurant was
'My Back Yard.' I'm sure he got a kick out of not correcting my assumption.

	I showered, dressed in shorts and a loose t-shirt. I didn't bother
with shoes. When I looked out into my back yard I saw that all the stacks
of weeds were gone. I was amazed, delighted, pissed.I stuck my head out the
window and yelled. "Where are my weeds?" I tried to sound indignant.

	Nathan's head appeared above the wall. He had a big grin on his
face. "I took them to the dump." He said. He looked at my exasperated
expression and raised his eyebrows at me. "You didn't really want to keep
them did you?"

	He was so damned cute I couldn't be angry. "Of course I did. They
were precious to me." I frowned. But then I couldn't help but laugh at his
shocked look. He realized I was joking and grinned.  "Thanks, Nathan, I owe
you on that. It was really going too far though."

	"Think nothing of it. I had nothing else to do while you were
sleeping so I occupied my time in a constructive manner. That's all."

	"You're really full of baloney. But, thanks."



	Chapter 3


	"Hey, this is a zany place." I yelled as I walked through gate into
his back yard a few minutes later.

	The plantings around the lawn were jungley, banana trees, Bird of
Paradise, huge leafed vines creeping over broken marble pillars and pieces
of statuary, and large brilliant Hibiscus blossoms.

	"Welcome to my back yard." Nat grinned. "Have a seat.  I made a big
pitcher of lemonade.  I'll bring it right out."

	"Let me help."

	"Nope. This is my shindig, so sit down and enjoy it."

	I chose a chaise lounge to lie back in. I realized as I relaxed, I
was still feeling exhausted. I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep. A
moment later I heard the tinkle of ice in a glass and then liquid being
poured over it. I opened my eyes just as Nathan sat a little metal table
next to me and sat the glass on it.

	"Lemonade, ice cold, and freshly made just for you."

	"My favorite refreshment."

	"Somehow I innately knew that." He said. His voice was droll.

	Nat went back inside and returned with a large tray laden with the
salmon, asparagus and salad. He placed the salmon on the grill, set his
timer for six minutes and then rolled the asparagus spears in virgin olive
oil, placed them in a mesh tray and put it on the edge of the coals.

	He returned to the kitchen to get the table settings and placed
them on the table. He brought out a hurricane lamp, lit it and put it in
the center. I sat there watching and dozed off.  The timer dinged, waking
me up. I opened my eyes and watched as he turned the salmon and moved the
asparagus a little closer to the heat.

	He shook the vinaigrette, poured it over the salad, tossed it, and
divided it onto two plates. He then took a block of imported Parmesan and
shaved several slices onto the top of each salad. He uncorked the wine and
set it in the middle of the table. He moved with a manly grace, sure of
himself.

	I closed my eyes and pretended sleep when I saw that he was ready
to serve. He walked over to me and leaned down supporting himself on the
chair arms. He kissed me on the forehead.

	"Hey, Puddin' Head, dinner's ready."

	He turned back to the grill. I frowned, but didn't open my
eyes. Puddin' Head had been another pet name Ted had called me. It was
painful to be called that again. 'Oh, well, get used to, Jim. Don't think;
go with the flow.' I said to myself. I stretched and yawned. Wandering over
to the grill, I watched Nat serve up the fish and vegetable. I took the
plate he handed me and went to the table.

	"Either place is fine." Nathan said. I chose a chair and he sat
down opposite me.

	"Dig in."

	We ate in silence for a couple of minutes.

	"Mmm. I haven't eaten this meal in three years. I just never bother
to fire up the grill just for myself. This is so delicious." I said.

	Suddenly a memory surfaced; I lay my fork down and grimaced at the
pain it caused. My eyes teared.

	"What's wrong? Are you all right, Jim?" Nathan's voice was full of
concern.

	"I just remembered. The last dinner I had with Ted was Salmon and
Asparagus, the night before he was killed."

	Tears ran down his face. Nathan leaned forward and covered my hand
with his.

	"Well, look at it this way. This is now the first meal of a new
relationship."

	I smiled and wiped my face with my napkin.

	" I'm okay. It's just a painful memory." I picked up my wine glass
and held it toward Nathan.

	"May this new one be long and loving."

	"It will be, Jim, it will be." He clinked his glass against mine.

	At that moment Saturn leaped up on the wall. Nathan saw her and
exclaimed.

	"What a beautiful black cat. Is she yours?"

	I turned and looked at her.

	"Yeah. That's Saturn. Didn't you see her earlier in my yard?  She
was Ted's baby. I swear she still misses him."

	"Oh that's who you were talking to. No, no I didn't see her."

	 "She teleports, you know. She was there on the plinth watching
me. The next moment she was somewhere else. Come on down, Satty. Would you
like a piece of salmon?"

	Saturn let out a little chirrup and leaped to the ground. I cut a
bite of salmon and held it out to her. She ignored it and walked over to
Nathan and smelled him. She sniffed for a couple of minutes, checking the
scent of his ankles and calves. She stretched up, standing on her hind legs
and sniffed his arm. She sat down and gazed up at him for a moment, and
then leaped into his lap, butted her against his chin and purred loudly.

	I sat back and watched this. Her behavior was amazing. The only
person I had ever seen her be that affectionate with was Ted. I didn't
verbalize this. Despite all the documents and photos, there were beginning
to be too many coincidences. It was making me uncomfortable.

	Nathan was grinning like a fool.

	"I've never had a cat. I didn't know they are such affectionate
creatures."

	"They're not. Usually, they 're not."

	He caressed her back with both hands.

	 "You are such a beautiful creature, Satty."

	I faked a yawn. I needed to get away and think. Nathan looked at
me, his face filled with concern.

	"I suspect you haven't fully recovered yet. Why don't you turn in?
I'll come over in the morning and check on you."

	"I feel so lethargic."

	That wasn't a lie. However, I was feeling uncomfortable with all
the coincidental things that just kept going on.

	"Too much sun, when you're not used to it, does that to you."

	"I'm a Southern Californian, for Christ sake."

	"Yeah, but you obviously don't get out in the sun much. You're very
fair skinned, with blue eyes. You're more susceptible to the sun's
affect. Go on, turn in."

	His pedantry was irritating; it was so much like Ted, always
mothering me.

	"Let me help you clean up before I go."

	"No, I will do it.  Besides you're the guest."

	"Well, next time I'm family. It will be my turn."

	"Agreed, go to bed."

	"I'll have coffee ready in the morning."

	I wasn't going to let him know I still suspected that he was really
Ted. Monday morning I was going to do some sleuthing down town at the state
records building.


	I slid between the sheets. They felt so nice and cool against my
naked skin. I lay on my back and closed my eyes, thinking that sleep would
come easily. It didn't. The image of Saturn rubbing Nathan's chin kept
haunting me. Why would the cat do that? She had only ever done that to Ted.
She ignored everyone and only paid attention to me when she was hungry. My
imagination started working.

	There were to many coincidences to ignore, especially the words and
how he said things. It was all too much like Ted. Maybe he was Ted. Maybe
the whole accident thing was just a scam. The body had been burned beyond
identification. Whose body was it if it wasn't Ted?
	Maybe he was after the money. Shit! This was Ted I was thinking
about having done this. Ted was too moral to do that kind of thing.
 But if it was a scam and Nathan really was Ted, then who died in the
accident?  And if it was a scam, did he expect me to turn the money over to
him? And if the scam were discovered, would I go to jail, too? If he was
really Ted, did he think I was going to just fall right back into a
relationship with him after the three years of mourning and misery I had
been through?  I found myself getting angry. How the hell could Ted do this
to me?  He loved me. Or had that been part of the scam, too?

	I turned on the bedside light, sat up and dropped my feet to the
floor.  I was making me crazy. I walked to the window and pulled the gauze
curtain aside, gazing out into the night. The outlook was over Nathan's
yard.  Movement caught my eye. I looked down and watched him cleaning the
grill. His sure, swift movements were so like Ted.  Watching him, my body
ached with desire.

	I thought about Ted naked. I envisioned his beautiful body, how the
chest hair made a T with the line running down his belly to his cock and
balls and his wonderful bubble butt.  I imagined the sinewy muscles in his
strong legs wrapped around my waist as I plowed his furrow, his heaving
pecs as he strove to meet each thrust. I could see in my mind the little
grimaces of pain mixed with intense pleasure of being fucked. I could hear
the whimpers and grunts he made and how they crescendoed as he got nearer
to climax.

	I began rubbing my cock as I watched Nathan move about the yard.  I
had to get him into my bed soon, or burst with desire. Nathan looked up at
me. He stopped and waved, then disappeared from sight. I waited to see him
again. I heard a noise down stairs and attributed it to the cat snooping. I
continued to watch for Nathan's reappearance. I heard a stair step squeak.

	Someone was coming up the stairs. I turned to grab my jeans when he
suddenly appeared in the doorway.

	"Hi, I thought you could use some help with that."

	He motioned with his chin toward my turgid cock. He grinned
lasciviously.

	"How did you get in? I checked all the doors before coming up."

	I tried to cover myself, as he advanced on me.

	"Oh, the previous owners gave me a set of keys, in case there was a
need. I think there is a need right now, don't you."

	 His voice was seductive.  He approached closer. I backed away from
him. I recalled distinctly being told that there were only two sets of keys
that were handed to Ted and me. Ted's had perished with him. Or had they?

	"Why are you backing away from me?  I know you want me as badly as
I want you." He said in a low sexy voice.

	I felt the bed against the back of my knees. 'Oh, shit.' I
thought. 'What now?'

	"We need to talk." I said.

	"In the morning."

	He had his hand on the back of my head as he kissed my neck just
under the ear. His other hand was spread on my buttocks pulling my pelvis
against his own.

	"Now." I insisted.

	"No. Relax and enjoy this. I'm going to take you to Nirvana."

	He licked from the base of my neck out to my shoulder. I felt
myself surrendering. Tomorrow would be would be soon enough to face him
with my suspicions.  His tongue was circling my right nipple; he moved over
and did the same to my left nipple. Yes, in the morning would be fine.

	Hey, wait a minute. Nirvana? That was Ted's word.  Oh, fuck.  I
don't care at the moment. I haven't felt this good in so long.  His tongue
was licking at my armpit. Without thinking I raised my arm and laid my head
back enjoying the exquisite sensations. He dropped to his knees as he
pushed me back onto the bed. He laid his face into my crotch. I pushed up
against him. He ran his hands up and down my torso as he laved my balls. He
moved up to the base of my shaft and chewed lightly, and then whipping it
with his tongue he moved up to the head, running his tongue around it. I
was holding my breath waiting for himto plunge down my cock like he always
did. But he didn't.

	He sat back smiling. I frowned. Why had he stopped? I raised my
head and looked at him. Nathan stood up and started unbuttoning his
shirt. I slid up the bed to watch. I could hardly wait to gaze upon that
beautiful cock with.

	He was taking his time teasing, as he slowly slipped his shirt off
exposing his magnificent hairy chest and smooth abdomen. He tweaked his
tits; I sucked in air. It was more glorious than I remembered; the stomach
muscles were more defined.

	He unbuttoned the top of his Levi's. I held my breath. Nat took the
two ends of the waistband of his 501s and pulled, popping the metal buttons
out of the holes in the fly, exposing his generous thatch of rich
reddish-blonde pubic hair.

	I could see the base of that rampant rod that tented the right leg
of his jeans. I waited eagerly to see the rest of it.

	He turned his back to me and started to slowly shimmy his pants
down, exposing his marvelous globular buns. I blew air out my pursed lips.
He pushed the jeans down to his feet and stepped out of them. He stood with
his back to me, his hand on his hips. Now for that glorious cock. I waited.

	Suddenly he whirled and dived onto the bed next me, not giving me a
chance to see what I had so eagerly awaited.  He molded his body to mine. I
embraced him, pulling his hairy chest to mine.  I sought his mouth. We
kissed, our tongues battling for dominance in each other's mouth.

	I pushed him on to his back, and rolled on top of him. I sat up and
studied his body. It was as thrilling as I remembered it. I could feel his
hard cock pulsing under me. I caressed his chest memorizing it again, the
feel of the contours, the texture of the hair covering it, and the pert
nipples that stood at attention when they were touched. I trailed my
fingers across his collarbones remembering the hollows and curves. He lay
still watching me explore.

	I moved forward, reached behind me and grasped the hard shaft that
was nudging my crack, leaving a wet dewy trail where it touched me. I ran
my hand up and down it. It didn't feel right. I frowned and looked down at
him and twisted to look at his cock.

	I turned back and looked again at him. I laughed
hysterically. Suddenly all the tension and tormenting doubt
disappeared. Now I could pursue this new relationship with total
confidence. Tears of joy coursed down my cheeks.

	Nathan looked at me with concern.  His cock deflated.

	"Jim? What's wrong? Why are you crying?" He asked.

	I laid forward onto his chest. Great heaving sobs racked my body,
as I tried to regain control enough to tell him. Nathan embraced
me. Caressing my back he asked again. I was crying. But I was also laughing
so hard I couldn't explain. And then I got the hiccups, which made it sound
more like I bawling.

	"What's wrong, Babe? Talk to me. Tell me what has you so upset."

	"I'm not---hic---up---set. I'm happy."

	"I don't understand, Jim. You're bawling your head off and you're
happy?"

	I nodded against his chest.

	"Yes---hic."

	He rubbed my back some more.

	"Will you tell me why you're so hysterically happy?"

	"Ted is really dead.  I was so sure---hic---that you were Ted. But
now I know you aren't.  Ted was circumcised. You still have your foreskin."

	Nathan laughed.

	"If I had known that was all it took to convince you. I would have
pulled it out the first time I met you."

	We both laughed again. He pulled me down and embraced me. I hugged
him back.

	"I love you, Jim."

	"Nathan. Damn, I love you, too."



Well? Let me hear what you think. js.collection@verizon.net