Date: Wed, 05 May 1999 15:43:06 +0900
From: Andrej Koymasky <andrejkoymasky@geocities.com>
Subject: Star's Shadow 10

----------------------------

THE STAR'S SHADOW
Written by Andrej Koymasky
October 6th 1993
translated by the Author
English text kindly revised
by Hank

-----------------------------

USUAL DISCLAIMER

"THE STAR'S SHADOW" is a gay story, with some parts containing graphic
scenes of sex between males. So, if in your land, religion, family,
opinion and so on this is not good for you, it will be better not to
read this story. But if you really want, or because YOU don't care, or
because you think you really want to read it, please be my welcomed
guest.

-----------------------------

10- THE KEY

In January they went on tour to Belgium, Holland, Denmark and Sweden.
They decided to try to put Jean Luc's plan into action. Claude and
Olivier personally took care of the staging. They asked the stage
designer to create a backdrop composed of tall tubes of varying heights
that had a passage behind them -- a secluded space like a double wall
with two bends. They had the costume designer prepare a costume for the
scene -- a white tunic with two vertical bands of purple and gold which
opened to down below the navel and with lame tight shorts with two side
velcro openings underneath... Then they plotted the choreography.
Patrick was to enter the scene from a side passageway from left stage
front. At the end of the scene he was to exit through the passageway
created behind the band and reach his dressing room from there.

This was all planned for Ostend, where the last performance of the tour
was scheduled. It was planned this way in order not to risk jeopardizing
the continuation of the tour in case of Patrick's suffering shock. Jean
Luc, feeling somewhat uncertain about his ability to direct the event,
after a long hesitation decided to make a telephone call to Alain. He
asked him if he could be in Ostend for the concert. They would pay all
his expenses. The psychologist replied that he would do his best to make
the necessary arrangements in his schedule and that he would give him an
answer as soon as possible.

The day of the last concert of the tour finally came. Everything was
ready. Claude and Olivier were the only ones, besides Alain who had been
able to adjust his schedule, that knew just what Jean Luc had planned.

Patrick sang and raised in his fans the enthusiasm he usually did. He
ended the concert and, as they had instructed him, left the stage
passing into the space behind the band, where at the ends Olivier and
Claude were hidden to be sure that nobody could pass through while
Patrick was inside. The singer turned the first bend and found himself
face to face with Jean Luc.

"Oh! I thought you were waiting in the dressing room..." he said with
mild surprise.

"No, I wanted to see you sooner... I wanted to hug you..." said Jean Luc
who was dressed exactly like him.. He drew nearer and warmly hugged
Patrick.

"Now it's your turn to go on stage, isn't it?" Patrick asked as if he
wanted to reassure himself while he answered the hug with one of his
own.

"Yes, but before that..." Jean Luc said gently forcing him to turn in
his arms, "Before that... I want to make love to you..." He lifted
Patrick's tunic up his back with one hand while he caressed the singer's
chest with the other.

"No, wait..." Patrick said tensely and with hesitation. But Jean Luc
held tightly to him pushing with his strong erection against his ass
which was encased in the tight lame shorts. Jean Luc started to open the
shorts at the sides.

"No, please... not here..." Patrick moaned uncertainly, but without
opposition.

"I love you Patrick..." Jean Luc whispered to him while he lowered the
loosened shorts to his knees and caressed his member while he continued
to push his erection against Patrick's buttocks.

"Not here..." Patrick whined starting to tremble, but he was aroused by
his lover's hands -- one on his chest and the other on his bared member.

"Why not here? You know I love you." Jean Luc answered as he opened his
own shorts and brushed his now exposed and fully erect member against
the naked buttocks of his lover.

"Oh, not here, please..." Patrick almost sobbed.

"Why. Don't you love me?" Jean Luc asked him as he continued to caress
him and to hold him tightly against his body.

"It is... it is... forbidden here!"

"But do you love me?"

"Yes... of course yes, I love you."

"Don't you want me inside you?"

"Yes, Jean Luc, Good God, yes, you know it... but here..."

"Here is right. Here is a good place because I love you, I desire you.
Doesn't that make you happy?"

"Oh Jean Luc... I don't know... I want to feel you inside me, too,
but... here..."

"Relax, my love. Let me feel how much you want me inside you. Guide me
inside you. Here, now... tell me you want me in you..."

"I... Oh, Jean Luc, I... yes, I want it, but..."

"But? But what? Tell me my love, but what?"

"Here... he will punish me..."

"Who, Love? Who will punish you? I love you and you love me..."

"Yes, oh yes... but he... he doesn't want, not here..."

"He? Who? Him up there? He knows we are in love. He is happy that we are
in love. I am your Jean Luc. He, up there, would punish anyone who
forced you violently, but not me, nor you... I am not forcing you. I'll
only enter you if you'll tell me you love me...and only if you guide me
into you..."

"Oh, Jean Luc, your hands are so sweet on me..."

"Because I love you, and you know it."

"Yes, touch me..."

"I'm touching you, Love."

"Yes... it's good, isn't it?"

"It's wonderful, Love."

"But the others..."

"There is just you and I here now..."

"Jean Luc..."

Jean Luc continued touching him and, holding him tightly against himself
as he brushed his palpitating erection against him.

"Oh, Jean Luc..." the singer moaned pushing himself against the body and
the hard rod of his lover, "Jean Luc, I..."

"Yes, Love..."

"I... I love you!"

"Say it again, Love..."

"I love you. I love you... I love you!" Patrick almost shouted,
oblivious of everything.

"I love you too."

"I want you inside me."

"Here, love?"

"Yes, here! Now!"

"Here, my love?" Jean Luc asked again as he brushed his hard rod into
the hot fold between Patrick's shuddering buttocks.

"Yes, here, now! Make me yours, please!" Patrick panted pushing his hand
back to guide that hot pole of flesh into his palpitating hole.

"Why here, Love?"

"Because you love me..." Patrick answered pushing back his pelvis and
starting to take the turgid member inside himself.

"But why right here?" Jean Luc insisted holding himself back, with
difficulty, from pushing into his lover.

"Because... because... he didn't care about me... he... but you... Oh
God, God, God!" Patrick moaned with a tremble

"What happened, Love?"

"Make me yours! Help me... make me forget..."

"Forget what, Patrick?"

"There, in the church..."

"This is our cathedral..."

"The sin..."

"This is not a sin. This is love, isn't it, my little Patrick?"

"Yes, this is love..."

"Everybody loves you, Patrick."

"Everybody?" Patrick asked with a little voice.

"Yes, but I the most."

"Yes... take me!"

Jean Luc pushed and slipped inside him and Patrick pushed back welcoming
him loudly with moans of pleasure. Patrick turned his head and their
mouths met in a deep kiss. Jean Luc started to withdraw and then plunge
again into his lover... and again, and again, and again...

"Our love... is pure... and you are pure..." Jean Luc whispered.

"Pure? Me?"

"Yes, my love! And this union... is pure... it is beautiful..."

"Pure and beautiful."

Jean Luc accelerated his motions and Patrick moaned in happiness.

Jean Luc sweetly murmured: "Do you hear how they are shouting?"

"Yes, a thousand echoes..."

"Happy for our happiness, even if they don't know..."

"O God, Love! It is so good!"

"Yes, really beautiful. Do you feel me inside you?"

"Yes... wonderfully..."

"Yes, Love. The others who took you before, Martin... Jules... they
don't exist any more. Just you and me..."

"Just you and me..." Patrick panted happily.

Jean Luc held him tightly and standing in the half lighted hollow space
took him with vigor mixed with gentleness.

The voices in the hall were scanning: "Patrick! Patrick!"

"Do you hear? They too love you... but never as much as I do!"

"Yes..."

The two tensed, Jean Luc rhythm became faster and more frantic. They
were strongly panting their love. They tensed, tensed... The voices were
increasing in crescendo: "Patrick! Patrick! Patrick!" and they freed
themselves at once moaning their reciprocal pleasure aloud.

They calmed down and slowly relaxed. They kissed sweetly. Then Jean Luc
fastened Patrick's costume and his own.

"They want you, they need you, Patrick..."

"Yes, but... but you go... all right?"

"This time, yes... Will you wait for me in the dressing room?"

"Yes..."

"Claude is waiting for you with my wig. I'll come soon..."

Jean Luc went on stage. Passing near Olivier, he gestured that all was
okay. He ran across the stage -- up and down, jumping, running, greeting
Patrick's fans. He answered their calling with wide happy gestures. He
pulled off his white tunic with the two purple and gold bands and
whirled in the air and threw it to the audience. A thousand hands
grabbed it, fought over it and tore it into a thousand small relics.

Meanwhile in the dressing room Claude pulled off Patrick's tunic and
shorts and slipped a T-shirt and a jeans on him. He handed Patrick the
wig and the dark glasses.

"Do you want to go back to the hotel now?"

"No, not yet... I'll wait for Jean Luc..." Patrick answered with great
emotion. Then he added, "I feel dizzy and confused. I think I will lay
down for a while..."

Claude smiled nodding. The singer laid on the sofa in the inner dressing
room and closed his eyes. Claude closely observed him. He seemed
prostrated, exhausted -- worn out. But, he didn't have the usual
after-concert panicked expression.

'Something did change in that hollow space...' Claude thought with a
light satisfied feeling, even though he was saying to himself that it
was too early to claim victory. Would it be a temporary change, or a
permanent one?

When at last Jean Luc was able to leave the stage and return to the
dressing room, Claude told him that Patrick was waiting for him. "He
didn't want to go back to the hotel just yet. He's in the inner room.
I'll leave you alone..."

Jean Luc went to his lover and caressed his cheek: "How do you feel,
Love?"

"I don't know..."

"Badly?"

"No. Sit here. Hold me. Tight."

Jean Luc bent over him and held him tightly. He felt Patrick was
slightly trembling. He kissed him. Patrick curled between his arms.

"When I was a kid..." he started with a subdued murmur...

"Yes, Love?"

"I was thirteen years old. My step father caressed me, and I liked it.
He was gentle, affectionate, even more so than my mother - and I needed
affection. He caressed me in a way that became more and more intimate.
And I liked it. Then... up there... we were alone... after the
service... He embraced me and caressed me. I was happy... He touched me
and undressed me... just as you did before. I felt his hands all over my
body, then his tool searching my body... and I was scared. Scared for my
desire and for his desire and because of his strength... I wanted him,
and at the same time wanted to escape him. I felt him forcing me --
penetrating me. It was hurting, but more my soul than my body. He was
violating my body, my feelings... and in that place... I liked it, but
that same pleasure wounded me. I felt attacked -- invaded and bent to
his greed... I felt inert annihilated and lacerated in his hands... but
excited. Then, a thousand voices shouted me, 'No!' and my brain moaned
'No!' But my body said 'Yes!' at each thrust of his loins forced him
deeper inside me. And I felt dirty, violated, and it was as if my body
was no longer mine. It was just another ass for that blazing hot member
to enjoy. It was that way every time afterwards. I abandoned my body to
him, but I wanted to run away. I knew I couldn't. I was chained to my
body and to his greed. I hated that cock, using me for its pleasure,
while it invaded my ass. I hated those hands groping me all over... And
yet, I wanted it, I gave in to it. I avoided my step father and yet,
whenever he seized my arm and guided me to his bed and lowered my shorts
and briefs, I let him do it -- rather, I waited to be exploited by him.
I wanted to be used by him. I knew he desired me, and when I took my
shower and we were alone, I always left the door open... so I would be
taken by him... But even as I enjoyed it, I felt filthy... and hated
myself..."

Jean Luc listened to this long lucid, painful confession, holding him
tightly. He kissed him and whispered, "I love you so much ... " when
Patrick became silent.

"I know... I feel it."

"And you?"

"I too love you..."

"Before... there, in the backstage..."

"It was beautiful."

"Did you hate yourself?"

"No."

"And yet you hesitated. You were scared..."

"But you love me. That's what was different. At a certain point I
thought that I would have accepted your, even all the world were
watching. Your love always make me feel clean and pure. You... you chase
away my inner ghosts. I want you, Jean Luc, I never will run from you. I
want you inside me."

"I want you inside me too."

"My body belongs to you..."

"Yes, totally."

"Don't ever desert me, I pray!"

"No, never."

"Now, can we make again, my love?"

"Yes, but this time I want you inside of me."

They made love. They were oblivious to everything and everyone. They
made love with a passion that answered both their need to melt one with
the other - receiving and giving love. They made love with every part of
their bodies to express their deep feelings. Their union was short but
intense, impetuous and joyful.

Once again having retrieved their physical and mental calmness, Patrick
returned to the hotel, while Jean Luc faced the fans and journalists. At
last, he too was able to return the hotel where he changed and phoned
Alain's hotel.

They met in a bistro. Rene was an elegant, refined man in his thirties
and he had lively intelligent eyes.

"Jean Luc, while we were at the concert... I noticed something odd about
Patrick..."

"What?"

"Rene did too... During the show and just after it and when he signed
autographs and answered the reporters' questions... it seemed as if he
were two different personalities..."

"Different? When Patrick sings, he is different. Always."

"Yes. When he was singing he expressed sadness and rebellion... and a
virility that needed to surface and express itself -- to show off... but
that he was almost afraid of doing. Then, on the other hand, he
exhibited a joy of living, a vitality... and a mature and conscious
virility, not hidden and nor exhibited. This second Patrick resembles
you, Jean Luc."

The boy listened in silence. Then said: "Possibly loving each other,
Patrick and I have come little by little to resemble each other ..."

"Yes," Rene intervened, "This is true and beautiful also. Also
physically, bit by bit, two lovers resemble more and more, but... your
voices are so alike..."

"They tell me that I'm taking on the same inflection he has..." Jean Luc
said trying to hid his troubled thoughts.

"Jean Luc, if you wore colored contact lenses, and if your hair... if
you wore a wig... you could be mistaken for him..." Alain said looking
carefully at him. Then added: "Isn't what happened after the concert?"

"No way! What an idea!" Jean Luc said a little too hastily.

"Of course, if Patrick has the reactions you described to me, you could
very well... and it would also be very logical..."

"But don't you think everybody would have noticed it? Patrick is always
under a spot light being analyzed and pried into..."

"But the others don't know what you told me."

"You promised me you would not tell anybody, not even Rene..." Jean Luc
reproached him.

"In fact. He just knows you talked to me, but not about what. Rene
reached these conclusions by himself. Rather, he reached them, not I.
Rene didn't at all know you. He never met you before. But as soon as he
saw you he said to me, 'Look! I'm sure he is the second Patrick!'"

Jean Luc looked at them, perplexed and troubled.

Rene said him: "Doesn't matter. You don't need to confirm or to deny our
conjectures. You don't know us well enough yet to know if you can trust
us. Anyhow, we will keep these ideas to ourselves. We will not
gossip..."

"That is not the problem. I feel I can trust Alain and if he loves you
that almost certainly means you are trustworthy too, but..."

"Rene is right. Your private life is yours, even the concerns of what
you want to, or can confide in me on a professional level. Rene only
wanted us to tell you what he noticed."

They changed subject and talked about other things. Then Rene left them
so they could talk on a professional level. Jean Luc told Alain how the
plan went. Alain congratulated Jan Luc, but told him not to be under the
illusion that it all was over. That was just the first step in
unblocking Patrick's emotions. It was an important and essential step,
but just the first. Now the mending of Patrick's wounded personality had
to start. Jean Luc asked him if he would eventually accept Patrick as a
client and take the vacant place left by Jules.

"I don't know, Jean Luc. I would accept quite willingly, but this would
keep me far from my Rene, and I absolutely don't want that to happen."

"I really don't know if the others would agree about hiring you, but I
would be happy. You seem very skilled, even if you are young. What does
Rene do?"

"He is junior barrister in a lawyers office..."

"By any chance, does he know about show business contracts?"

"I don't think so, but... why?"

"So... I'd .. we could hire both of you..."

"I don't know. I have to talk with Rene..."

"And I with Patrick, too. Can we meet again tomorrow or the day after?"

"Oh, well, yes... You have taken me completely unaware now..."

"Think about it. Talk with Rene. I am not sure that it could really
mature into something. For the moment it is just an idea, my idea."

They parted.

Back at the hotel, Jean Luc went in at once to see Patrick. He was
showering and it was almost supper time. They ate with Claude and
Pierre. The day after there was a performance for the Dutch TV and
Claude prepared Jean Luc for the questions agreed upon with the
interviewer. Two days after that Patrick was scheduled to visit an
orphanage.

Jean Luc asked Patrick, "Don't you feel like going yourself, this time?
You don't have any problems with kids, do you?"

"No, please..."

"But they would be so thrilled if you sang for them. You know I can't do
that."

"You can always give them my CDs and my autographed pictures with..."
Patrick protested.

"CDs to the orphanage kids? That doesn't make much sense... Bah, if you
really don't feel like..." Jean Luc answered and changed the subject.

"I am tired. Are you coming to bed, Jean Luc?" Patrick asked after a
while.

"Okay, let's go. Good night, Claude. Pierre."

They went to bed. Jean Luc took him in his arms.

"Are you angry with me, Jean Luc?"

"Me? No, why?"

"Because I don't want to go to meet the orphans..."

"No, Love, not if you don't feel up to it. But it's a pity... just think
how excited they would be..."

"I really don't feel up to it. You can find the way to make them
happy..."

"Not as happy as you singing for them. But it doesn't matter, I will go,
Love."

"Thank you..."

"I'm here for that, aren't I?"

"No. You are here for me... for me... even if I don't deserve you."

"You don't deserve me? What are you saying? Why don't you deserve me?"

"You do so much for me. I... what do I do for you?"

"You give me your love and allow me to live at your side..."

"You give me your love too, and you allow me to live at your side..."

"Well, and then?"

"And you renounced to your life to live mine. What did I renounce for
you? Wouldn't you like to finally be able to live as Jean Luc and not as
Patrick's shadow?"

"Perhaps, but only if near you."

"Am I not a burden to you? Is not this life a burden?"

"Not so much. Not yet. I feel good. For instance, like now, being near
you. I like having you in my arms and feeling your naked body against
mine."

"I like it so much too! You are strong, Love. You are my strength..."

"Patrick?"

"Yes, Love?"

"I met two people. Young men. They live together, they are a nice
couple..."

"More than us?"

"No, silly man! Not for me, at least. One is Alain. He is twenty seven
and a psychologist. The other is thirty one. His name is Rene and he is
a lawyer."

"Are they French?"

"Yes. And I was thinking I would like them to work for us."

"If you want, I can tell Pierre to hire them."

"I... I also thought that possibly Rene could take Pierre's place,
sooner or later..."

"Pierre's contract ends next June..."

"Would you prefer to remain with Pierre, Love?"

"I don't know... possibly... But if you want me to change..."

"I don't yet know. Claude, Olivier, the others are all right. But
Pierre... yes, he is efficient and skilled, but so cold. He only cares
about money..."

"It's his job..."

"But money comes directly to you. He convinces me of little, I don't
like him..."

"I trust you, Jean Luc. If you want, I won't sign his contract renewal."

"No, not just yet. But, I would be glad if we could hire Alain and Rene,
for now. Of course we would have to tell them about me -- that at times
I take your place. That I am your shadow..."

"As you want, Love. Tomorrow I'll tell Pierre I want him to hire your
two friends. Does that make you happy?"

"Yes, my love."

They talked a little more and fell asleep tightly intertwined.

The next morning Patrick woke up his friend by kissing him and asking
him to make love. Jean Luc didn't need to be begged.

Later, while they were still caressing each other, Jean Luc said, "You
know, it would be so beautiful if you tried to meet with the orphans..."

"I'm afraid I would not have the strength..."

"I would be near you, I would come disguised, as Jean Luc. It could be
the first step for you to resume your place... and I mine... Do it for
me, Love. Try at least, please..."

"No, please... don't insist... I really feel I can't..."

"They are children that life has treated badly... worst than you..."

"But at least they were not... forced to undergo..."

"How can you know that?" Jean Luc gently replied as he caressed him, but
he didn't insist any more.

Pierre hedged a while at Patrick request to hire Alain and Rene. He said
he could agree about the psychologist, but he didn't see the need to
hire a lawyer, too.

"The fact is that they are lovers, and if we don't hire Rene, Alain will
not accept." Jean Luc explained.

"Hah, a gay couple!" Pierre exclaimed with a conceit expression.

"Sure, like Patrick and me! Something you object to, perhaps?" Jean Luc
asked in a belligerent tone.

The man understood he had made a blunder. "And how much will we have to
pay them?" he asked, trying to change the subject.

"Prepare two contract drafts and two wage proposals. I will ask them if
they accept. Can you have them ready before tonight?" Jean Luc decidedly
asked.

-----------------------------

CONTINUES IN CHAPTER 11

-----------------------------

In my home page I've put some of my stories. If someone wants to read
them, the URL is

http://www.geocities.com/~andrejkoymasky/

If you want to send me feed-back, please e-mail at

andrejkoymasky@geocities.com

---------------------------