Date: Sat, 24 Aug 2002 23:25:29 -0000
From: shakes <shakes003@hotmail.com>
Subject: The Taking of Jakob (Part 13)--Beginnings

This work is copyrighted by the author and may not be reproduced in any
form without the specific written permission of the author. It is assigned
to the Nifty Archives under the terms of their submission agreement and may
not be copied or archived on any other site without the written permission
of the author. The story is one of the writers' from a time long, long, ago
in a land far, far, away. Any resemblance to your experience, or those
living or dead from those experiences is purely unintentional and
completely coincidental.

All feedback is appreciated. Drop a line to: shakes003@hotmail.com and I
guarantee that I will get back to you ASAP. It's almost over, folks. Here
we go...Part 13

****


I was with my mother and grandmother downtown one afternoon. I was five
years old and we took the transit bus down to the fancy shops and markets
across from Churchill Square. It was very close to being Christmas, and I
vaguely remember holding my mother's hand as we walked through a large
department store, looking at all of the decorations. Everything seemed so
big to me then; the Christmas trees seemed as large as the trees in
forests--the lights twinkling as much as the naive sparkle in my eyes.

The aisles of the store seemed to be river-wide to a young
five-year-old. My mother tugged impatiently at my hand as her and my
grandmother were in a hurry to finish their shopping, and I continued to
hold them back as the sparkle and glitter would catch my eye and make me
stop in my tracks. Soon, my mother let go of my hand, and I wandered off
alone to a small tree--no bigger than myself, which was done up in white
and silver ornaments. The silver was what drew my attention--the metallic
luster seemed magical to my young eyes. The tree was so different than the
one I had helped my mother decorate just days before. I stood mystified for
a few minutes, expecting my mother and grandmother to understand why it was
so magical for me. I was expecting them to see the same thing that I was
seeing. When I turned around, they were nowhere to be found.

The aisles seemed to grow in length as I searched and searched for my mom
down every one with no avail. I was soon out of the section, and I
frantically called out for her, hoping that she would hear me and come find
me. I was crying by this time--from fear, and from anger. My mother warned
me that I would get lost if I didn't follow her closely, and sure enough I
was lost. In my childish stupidity I made my way to an escalator, and
planned to go upstairs to search for her. To a five-year-old, it seemed
like a sensible idea. In hysterics I held onto the rail and moved my foot,
before a hand fell upon mine and stopped me.

"What's wrong, sweetie? Where's your mom?"

She could not have been past her twenties. She was slim, beautiful, and the
gentleness of her voice made me feel safe, even though I had convinced
myself that I was stranded in the store forever--destined to walk the
aisles until I was old enough to get a job there and earn my keep.

"I don't know where my mom is!" I cried, and the young woman led me away
from the escalator. I could feel her rub my small back as I frantically
searched with my tear-soaked eyes around the store, hoping for a glimpse of
my mother.

"What's going on, Jennifer?" An older woman approached us, and customers
were now glancing curiously at me. My mom had gone home and left me at the
store. She was never coming back again.

"This little boy is lost. We're looking for his mom." Her voice was so
gentle...

..."Bryan? Are you listening to me?"

I looked up through my tears to find my doctor looking at me worriedly.

"Huh?" I asked while I wondered foolishly what ever happened to that girl
with the gentle voice. She was still rubbing my back while I sat in the
doctor's office, but it wasn't really her--it was my doctor. He still
looked at me strangely.

"Bryan, is there anything that you would like to ask me?"

I shook my head and wiped the tears from my face. I cleared my throat, and
then shook my head again. I studied my doctor's white and gray tie, and
thought of those mystical tree ornaments as they sparkled in my memory.

"We'll know more after your appointment with the specialist which course of
action we'll take."

Course of action. Like some sort of strategic military strike. Bombs and
missiles blowing up inside of my bowels and ridding me of this
sickness. What the fuck was I going to tell my family? I nodded, and took
the slip of paper from his hand as he held it out to me. On it was the name
and address of the "specialist", and the date and time of my
appointment. Somewhere between Dr. Polack's office and my Monte Carlo, the
slip of paper floated out of my grasp. I sat down behind the wheel, and
decided that the best "course of action" for me was complete denial. Denial
would cure me. It would cure me of cancer.

I was too young to have cancer. Thirty years old was too young. It had been
a few days and I was feeling fine. I wasn't sick. I didn't need a fucking
specialist. I was fine. I drove home, and decided to leave "it" behind
me. Unfortunately "it" would follow, but I tried to hide from "it" as best
I could, for as long as I could. For the next few weeks I thought I had
lost it, in my shock, and in my state of mind. Even as I continued to lose
weight, and continued to lose energy, I thought I had pulled a fast one on
fate. I tried to pull a fast one on my family--especially Jakob, but that
wasn't as easy.

I looked at the alarm clock on the night table and it was 4:00 a.m. Jakob
was curled up close to me--his head buried in my shoulder, and his arm
draped around my chest. He was sleeping as peaceful as a child, much like
he always did when his dreams were not chasing him from slumber. I loved
the way he felt when he was pressed so close--Jakob was always soft and
warm, and had this way of melting into me. I'm not sure how many times I
kissed his head that night, but I lay awake not being able to fall asleep,
and all I could think about was how good he felt.

I gave up on lying there after more than an hour had passed. My mind was
wandering into unwanted territory--I enjoyed my denial for the most part,
but in the stillness and silence of the house at night, denial was hard to
fully accomplish. I knew that I needed to get out of the silence of our
bedroom, and shake it off. I moved Jakob off of me, as gently as I could
without waking him, crawled out of bed and slipped into a pair of pajama
bottoms. I looked back at Jakob before I tiptoed out of the room. He was
hugging my pillow in his sleep, much like he had done to me only moments
before. There was a strange ache in the pit of my stomach, and I left the
room and headed downstairs for the basement.

I sat on the couch, and stretched my legs out in front of me as my hand
fumbled with the remote control-searching for the on/off switch. There
wasn't much on--not that I was expecting different at this time of night. I
went through the seventy-odd channels four or five times before I settled
on a music channel and watched without interest as video after video played
on the screen.

My eyes were starting to feel heavy when I noticed a shadow in the corner,
and turned my head to look at it. It was Jakob--squinting hard from the
brightness of the TV. One hand was shading his eyes while the other clung
onto the blanket that was wrapped around his body.

"Hey, sweetheart." I smiled drowsily. Jakob said nothing as he watched the
music video and slid down to the floor beside my leg, laying his head on my
knee. Out of habit, and a deep love for those black waves, my hand
instinctively found it's way into Jakob's hair. We sat like that for a
while--staring in blank silence at the TV. My eyes began to close, when
Jakob's voice made them pop open.

"What's wrong?"

"Mmmm...nothing, why?" I mumbled sleepily.

"You left. Are you mad?" Jakob looked up at me.

"No, baby. I'm not mad, I just couldn't sleep."

Jakob moved onto his knees between my legs, and faced me. I noticed that
his eyes looked as tired as mine felt, before he leaned in and kissed me
tenderly on the lips. It was a soft and supple kiss--much like Jakob's
lips. It didn't take long before I felt his tongue tickling my own lips,
and I parted them, eagerly awaiting the sweetness of his mouth. It was a
deep and penetrating kiss, but not rushed or desperate. Jakob moved his
hands to either side of my hips and held his weight on them as his blanket
glided off of his body like silk would glide against silk. My legs
unconsciously parted further, as Jakob's lips traveled from mine, down my
chin and neck, until he was kissing my chest. His mouth moved back up to
mine as I felt one of his hands on my knee. It slid up my leg and cupped my
balls--slowly, and sensuously rubbing them through the thin material of my
pajamas, as again our lips parted.

"Maybe I can help you relax enough to get to sleep." Jakob's voice was hot
and heavy. Nothing pleased me more than when Jakob would initiate sex--it
happened so infrequently. I was generally the instigator for all sexual
encounters, which suited us well--Jakob was shy and a little frightened,
while I was more outgoing. Although sex had been the furthest thing from my
mind just moments before, Jakob's initiative made me think of nothing
else. I wanted to explode!

I opened my mouth to respond, but Jakob quickly covered it with his
own. While one hand was still seeking out my balls through my pajama
bottoms, the other was working on the drawstring that kept those pajama
bottoms from falling off. I opened my eyes to watch him while we were
kissing--something I don't ordinarily do, but at that moment, I didn't want
to take my eyes off of him. I felt both of his hands tugging at my pants,
and I lifted my hips so that he could remove them. With that, Jakob's kiss
left my mouth, and was making it's way down my neck and chest, down to my
navel, and eventually planting itself on the tip of my cock, before his
mouth opened to take the entire length in.

After everything Jakob and I have been through together, we had both agreed
that our lovemaking would be about nothing but that. Making love. There
were times it was playful, and times it was urgent and desperate--that need
that only he could fill for me and I for him. The point and purpose never
was lost in the action. It would never be a senseless or careless anonymous
fuck. It would always be our love joining as one.

There was something about Jakob that reaffirmed this belief of mine. The
most erotic displays of affection, he could make seem like an innocent,
religious and pure experience. Of course, he was sexy as hell, but he just
had a way about him. Being with him was so right. We were meant to be
together.

Jakob softly caressed my hard organ, and in a tenderness I can't describe,
gently stroked it against his face. My chest became tight, and the room
blurred as tears I couldn't hold back, began their decent from my eyes. I'm
not sure why it happened--it was one of those uncontrollable moments. I
knew that I was loved. He continued to kiss and caress me there, and paused
and looked at me curiously when he noticed my tears. I reached down and
stroked his cheek while he stared at me for awhile. With a sudden bright
smile, he kissed the tip of my cock once more, and slid up my body to kiss
my cheek.

"It's okay, Bry." He whispered sweetly into my ear as he climbed up onto my
lap. His legs spread and straddled me, and with both of his arms wrapped
around my neck, he eased himself down on my swollen cock. I gasped at his
sudden boldness. Jakob moaned loudly and leaned back as he began to ride
me--sweat starting to bead off of his body. My hand glided from his own
hard member, up his stomach and chest, to his face where I gently stroked
him--urging his face closer to mine so that I could kiss him. He finally
leaned forward, and our mouths connected, our arms wrapped around each
other.

"Please, Bry..." Jakob whimpered into my ear, and I knew what he wanted.

"Shhh..." I whispered to him as I held onto him by his ass, and moved us
off of the couch, onto the floor beneath. I was still inside of him as my
body covered his. His legs were around my hips as I began to slowly thrust
in and out--the sweat coating our bodies.

"Please...harder..." he begged, and I could feel my climax nearing as I
increased the intensity of the penetration. My hands eluded me as they
tried to explore every inch of Jakob's body--finally stopping at his
face. Jakob was sucking violently on my fingers, moaning incoherently as
his body began to gently seize. By this point, all it took was for me to
look down, but I didn't need to--I knew what was happening.

"Oh, you sweet thing!" I half moaned-half whimpered as I came explosively
inside of Jakob. Both of his hands were clawing at the carpet beneath him
until our peaks had subsided. He was shaking slightly when I slipped out of
him. I sat back, and looked at him in wonder--his arms stretched out at his
sides and his hands and fingers still playing with the carpet. He always
looked so sweet and so beautiful after making love--so beautifully
disheveled-so peacefully taken.

I leaned forward, and kissed his stomach and chest--cleaning his seed off
of his body as I moved upwards. Our mouths met in another passionate
embrace, and I eased my body on top of his--our arms and legs entwined.  We
eventually made it back up to the couch--under the covers and in each
other's arms. It didn't take long before were both sleeping sound.

I vaguely remembered hearing the phone ring, and felt Jakob wiggling out of
my arms and out from underneath the covers to answer it. It didn't dawn on
me this could be a phone call that could change the course of my life. It
didn't dawn on me; the phone call could take Jakob away from me.

When I finally opened my eyes and turned my head, I could see Jakob sitting
naked by the telephone with his face in his hands. His shoulders were
shaking, and I could hear the odd sob escape from his chest. I sat up
immediately, alarmed by his crying.

"Jakey, what's wrong?" I jumped off of the couch and sat next to him. I
tried to wrap my arm around him, but he quickly shrugged it off.

"Don't touch me." He said coldly.

"What's going on?" I asked offended by his action. He looked at me with
tear soaked and blood-shot eyes. The expression was one I couldn't put a
name to, but it was ripping at my heart all the same.

"Your doctor phoned from the cancer clinic and wants to know why you're not
making any of your appointments?" His voice was almost one of hatred. It
made me shake.

"Jesus..." I sighed heavily-or perhaps prayed, while my hands ran aimlessly
through my hair.

"Were you ever gonna tell anyone? Mom? Dad? Me?" And with that, he broke
down. "Bryan..."

"Baby, please..." I wasn't sure exactly what I wanted to say to him. I had
no real intentions of telling anyone about this. I had honestly convinced
myself that it would just go away.

"Don't..." he begged, and hurriedly scrambled to his feet and headed
upstairs, with me right behind him.

"Jakob, talk to me!" I demanded, but he didn't acknowledge me in any
way. He searched the room for his clothes, and clumsily shuffled into
them. He fumbled with the buttons on his jeans, and then gave up--looking
into my eyes for answers.

"After everything...how...why?"

I could only shrug in reply. I didn't know what to say.

"Dr. Polack phoned a few times begging me to get you to call him, and you
told me you did. You had no intentions of telling me, did you?"

I shook my head and choked out the truth. "No."

"You think I'm gonna sit here and watch you die? Go to hell!" He cried and
headed for the door. I grabbed his arm to stop him, and he struggled with
me to get out of my grasp. I was still physically stronger than him, and
refused to let him go. He put up a good fight, and tried desperately to get
away. When he realized he couldn't, he simply fell to his knees--my hands
still clutching at his arms. He was sobbing uncontrollably. I slowly knelt
in front of him, and our eyes met in pain. Finally, he collapsed into my
arms.

"Not you, Bryan...please...I can't..."

"It's okay." I said before I could stop myself. Nothing was okay about
it. The shock seemed to wash past me and the horror finally took it's
rightful place, and set in.

"You gotta fight. You're the strongest person I know, Bry. You can do
this. Please..." Jakob pleaded, but I couldn't be convinced. I didn't think
I had enough fight in me to overcome anything. Jakob was the strong one. I
was almost jealous. I simply shook my head.

"I can't." I said simply, got up and left Jakob kneeling on the floor of
our bedroom.

"You won't, you mean."

"Look, I know enough to know that the treatment is worse than the
disease. I'll take my fucking chances."

"That's insane! Listen to what you're saying! You can't mean that!" I could
hear the desperation in Jakob's voice as it got louder.

I was paralyzed by the fear of the unknown. I had heard stories. I had seen
pictures--shadows of souls the people once were painted in flat eyes. I was
a coward whom had lived an easy life. I never had to fight for anything. I
didn't know how or even where to begin.

"They're not touching me. That's final."

"That's it? Just like that?" Jakob slowly got up to his feet and wiped his
eyes on his sleeve, waiting for my answer.

"That's it. End of story."

"I'm not worth fighting for? What we have isn't worth fighting for?"
Jakob's tears were flowing again, but they weren't just tears of helpless
sorrow. They were tears of anger as well.

"Don't you fuckin' give me a guilt trip!" I warned--trying to control the
situation by getting aggressive and threatening, but Jakob fought back.

"Guilt trip? YOU SELFISH PRICK!" He screamed at me, and I jumped. "You make
me fall in love with you, and now this is what it all amounts to?" He
opened his mouth to continue, but no words came out. There was a familiar
sound coming from him--the same sound he made when I found him in the alley
behind the church so many years ago-beaten and torn. Completely broken.

"I'm not watching you die..." He said in words I could barely make
out. "...You do it alone. I can't watch you die like this...I'm sorry...I
cant..." With that, he blew past me barely dressed, and headed for the
front door.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" I demanded. Jakob was
trembling. He didn't answer me with words, but the look on his face said it
all. He was leaving. "Jakob...please..." I had no idea what to do or
say. It wasn't supposed to be like this. Nobody was supposed to know --
nobody was supposed to hurt. I listened to the sound of an injured animal
fade as the door closed behind him.