Date: Sun, 23 Dec 2007 12:47:04 -0800 (PST)
From: Randy Howard <randyhoward2@yahoo.com>
Subject: The Journal/Chapter 1/Beginnings

The Journal.
By RandyHoward2@yahoo.com

This is a story of a sexual encounter/new relationship between two adult
men.  If that offends you or if you are not 18 please do not read it.

This story is part fiction and but mostly fact.
It is based on my life and owned by me.

It may not be reproduced without my permission.

The names have been changed yada yada yada.

Enjoy.

Chapter One

     The hand slowly drops to the side of the chair and the gun falls to
the floor.  The room is dark accept for the light of the moon.  Over
to his left on the bed is a still figure.  His lifeless body is gently
covered.  The door opens and a figure stands silhouetted against
the light of the hall.  He moves slowly into the room and stops at
the bed.  Tears run down his face as he looks upon the form on the
bed.  He drops to his knees, kisses the man lying there, and weeps.
He does not notice the person sitting in the high back wing chair
for the chair is turned and facing towards the window.  When the
young man rises, he again kisses the man on the lips and says

"Good bye father. I love you dad so much".

     He is crying as he is leaving the room and the light from the hall is
shining upon a desk made of rich mahogany and he sees a journal
sitting by itself in the middle of the desk.  He goes over to the desk
and sits.  He reaches for the desk lamp and turns it on.  He picks up
the journal and opens it.  A letter is inside the journal and it is
directed to him.

My dearest son Dylan,

     This letter is so hard to right.  I have lost my will to live and now
am taking the only course of action I know.  However, before I do
I must impart to you answers to questions that you have asked of
me throughout the years so that you may know and never doubt in
your heart how much we loved you.  I loved your dad with all my
heart and he was my life and strength.  We lived many years
together before we found you.  We had thought that our life
together was complete until you entered our life.  I have left you
my journal.  As you read it, you will see that it is a journey of my
life since I met your dad. I love you son and hope that you can
forgive me for what I have done.

Love Dad.

August 1969.

     I am going to a concert I heard of in upper state New York.  It is it
is called Woodstock and appears to be the concert of the decade
and all the great groups are going to be there.

     I had just turned eighteen and graduated high school and was going
with some of my friends.  I was the pretty one they called me, a tag
I hated.  I was on the short side standing only five foot ten.  I had
long blond hair down past my shoulders.  My eyes were an
emerald green and my build was average.  I was not muscular but
not skinny either.  I had the start of a six-pack showing and my
arms were nicely developing.  My face they said was pretty like a
girl.  I was not even shaving yet and had eyelashes that any girl
would kill for.  My lips were full and red and appeared to be
colored with lipstick.  I hated that they thought I was pretty but
what could I do.

     We left for New York that August all charged up about the
concert.  My friends had their girlfriends with them and I was the
only one alone.  We were flower children, and made love and
hated war.  I had been arrested once for protesting the Vietnam
War but that was another story.  We finally reached our destination
and found thousands of kids like us looking for a place to set up
camp.  We found a spot so far from the stage that we could not see
who was performing unless we went up closer. I looked around
and found that many of the people there were naked or even half
naked, groovy I might get lucky I thought.  I set up my tent and
decided to do some exploring and see what I could find.  I was
wandering around when I spotted a guy who was just sitting there
by himself totally nude. He was leaning against his duffle bag and
had the most gorgeous body I had ever seen.  I look around,
everyone is oblivious to him, and he looks up at me and says,

 "Hey man you wanna get high."

     I look at him and he is gorgeous.  He is at least six two and about
195 pounds.  His hair is a reddish brown and like me down past his
shoulders.  His eyes are also green and he has a brushing of
freckles across his perfect roman nose.

I say to him "yea man groovy lets smoke".

     He packs a bowl and lights it as I sit across from him.  He takes a
hit and passes it to me.  I ask him what his name is and he tells me
Kyle.  I tell him mine is Joshua.  We smoke for a while and then I
ask him where he's staying.  He says he has no place but he is not
worried someone will put him up.  I ask him if he would like to
share my tent and he says far out man sure.  He gets up and throws
on some old faded bell-bottom jeans.  They hang off his hips, his
treasure trail runs from his naval down into his jeans, and his cock
is pushing against the faded worn material.  We walk around a
while and then return to my tent.  I fix us some food and we eat as
if it was our last meal, damn pot and its munchies.   We are talking
about ourselves to each other and he tells me that he is headed to
Umass in September for school.

I say to him "far out man, no way because I am also going there in
September."

     We start talking about our likes and dislikes and friends.  I ask him
if he has a girlfriend and he says yes back at home, 'well there
goes any thought I had about tonight.' I am thinking.  They have
been together since ninth grade.  He asks me if I had one and I lie
and tell him no I'm between girlfriends.  We make more small talk
and smoke some more before turning in.  It has been raining on
and off all day and everything is cold and damp.  I strip naked, as
he is already, and ask if he wants his own sleeping bag or share my
double.  He says we can share one because it will be warmer.  My
heart about stops when he says that and I think that maybe there is
some hope after all.  He is climbing in and I notice his cute hard
ass.  It is tanned and so round.  I climb in beside him and he turns
to me and asks.

"You ain't going to take advantage of me are you?"

     I tell him he is safe with me and I think damn there goes that hope.
I am lying on my back when I fall to sleep.  I awake during the
night to find him lying on his side with his head on my chest and
his left arm across my chest.  I can feel his hot breath on my
nipple.  My heart is pounding in my chest so hard and loud that I
fear it will wake him.  I slip my right arm under him and pull him
in closer.  I can feel his hard cock against my leg and it makes me
hard.  I lay there just holding him and knowing that once he
awakes this will all end.  I figure that since it will end I might as
well enjoy what I have and kiss his hair.  His scent is heavenly and
I drink it in.  Never have I held such a man, in fact, I have never
held any man I was still a virgin.  I lusted after many guys in
school but never made a move.  I even fell in love with my best
friend Carl but we just jacked off together when we were thirteen.
He was so into girls and was always fixing me up with one.  I
knew I was gay but never could tell him.  I loved him so much that
I would rather double date with him than loose his friendship.  I
must have fallen back to sleep because when I awoke later it was
light out and he was still in my arms.  I kissed his hair again and he
started to stir.  I closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep.  He
lifts his head briefly and returns it to my chest.

I open my eyes and say, "good morning, I hope that you
comfortable?"

     He leans his head up towards mine, kisses me quickly on the lips,
and says "quite comfortable" and replaces it on my chest.  I hold
him closer and he cuddles into me further.  He starts to rub my
chest and stomach and stops at my nipple and tweaks it.  I jump
and he starts to pinch it softly and suck on it and then does the
same to the other.  I moan softly and he turns onto his stomach half
on me and half off and kisses me quickly on the lips.  He raises his
head up and looks me in the eyes.  I put my arms around his neck
and pull him in for a long passionate kiss.  His mouth opens and I
feel his tongue at my lips.  I open for him and he enters my mouth
with his tongue.  Our tongues are doing the tango together as we
embrace for what seems like eternity.  I break the kiss and look
into his eyes and say.

"I thought you had a girlfriend."

 "I do but. but I want this more." He says.

I ask him if I am just a fling or the result of to much pot.

He says, "I have wanted to do this since we first met and was
afraid to ask.  I kissed you during the night while you slept and
loved the taste of your lips."

     I pull him into a passionate embrace and we kissed again but
more passionately while our hands search each other's body.  He
climbs on me, looks me in the eyes, and says that he has never
done this before with a man and does not know what to do.  I tell
him neither have I. We kiss briefly and he moves to my neck, starts
to kiss it, and nibbles on my ear.  He slides down to my chest and
stops.  He lifts himself up, looks at my chest, and says.

"You have such a beautiful body."

     He suckles on my nipple, gently bites it running his hot tongue
around it, and then does the same to the other one.  I moan and pull
his head to my breast as he gives my nipple attention.  He gets up,
unzips the sleeping bag, pushes it down off us, and slides down to
my cock.  He takes it in his hand, all eight cut inches of it and
gently kisses it.  He licks the pre-cum off the head and places the
head into his mouth.  I gasp and tremble at the feel of his hot
mouth on my cock.  This is the first time I have ever been sucked
and by a man.  He runs his tongue around the base of the head and
I think I will shoot.  He senses it, moves to my balls, and takes
them both into his mouth.  I cry out in ecstasy as he sucks them
and moves them around in his mouth.  He then drops them and
retakes my cock into his mouth.  He goes down half way until I
feel it hitting the beginning of his throat.  He tries to take more and
gags.  I tell him not to force himself but relax and do what he can.
He sucks for a while and then tries again but swallows when he
feels the need to gag and my cock slides down his throat and his
nose is in my pubes.  My head is thrashing back and forth in sexual
heaven as his throat muscles milk my cock.  He lifts off, breathes
in through his nose, and returns down on it.  Up and down his hot
mouth sucks on my cock and he brings me to the edge.  I tell him I
am going to cum and he keeps on sucking.  I grab the sleeping bag
I am laying on and heave my back and hips up

"Aaaaaah fuck dude, fuck man I'm Cuming," he yells.

     He lets loose with the most intense orgasm I have ever had.
His mouth quickly fills and he swallows and I fill it again.  He swallows
each time and I fill it several times more before he has milked me dry.  He holds my
cock in his mouth until it softens and then moves up and kisses me
plunging his tongue into my mouth and giving me a taste of my
own cum.  It is different but not offensive and we kiss deeply.  We
look into each other's eyes and he asks me.

"Did I do good man?"

"You did great babe," I say and we kiss.

     I flip him over, move down to his chest, and rub my face in his soft
chest hair.  I start to nibble and suck his nipples and give them
great attention.  He is moaning loudly and saying all kinds of
profanities.

"Oh fuck man, what you do to me, fuck that is so fucking far out
man."

     I think to myself 'I must be doing it right then'.  I move down to
his navel and tongue around it pushing my tongue into his well.
He giggles and says,

"Dude that tickles man" and I move further down.

     I take his cock into my hand and lift it up looking at it.  It has to be
ten inches if it's an inch and fat around, more than mine is, and cut.
I lick the head and his hips jump up.

"Far out man that is so fucking hot bro."

I lift off his dick and tell him,

"You haven't felt anything yet man."

     I return to his cock and find that I can barely get half of it in my
mouth it is so fat.  I relax as much as I can and suck it slowly going
down more each time.  I gag when it hits my throat.

"Bro don't worry most girls can't take my cock either," he says.

     I am more determined now to take it all.  I start to suck again and
when I feel it hit my throat, I start to swallow and then it is down
my throat.  I breathe through my nose and work my throat muscles
on his cock until he is crying out,

"Fuck man I'm cumming.  Aaaaaaaaahh fuck here it goes" and he
shoots down my throat.

     Volley after thick volley of hot man cream he shoots.  I swallow
but can't handle all he has and some dribbles out the sides of my
mouth and down my chin to his balls.  I pull off some so I can taste
his sweet cream on my tongue.  It is salty and hot but so fucking
good.   I keep sucking and swallowing until he yells stop, its so
fucking sensitive dude.  I lift off and go up and kiss him and swap
him some of his cum.  He makes a slight face and then goes,

"Yum far out."

      We lay holding each other close and kissing looking into each
other's eyes.  He breaks our kiss and lifts up and says,

"Man that was so fucking heavy dude" and I say "oh yeah."

     He then says he needs to piss and I tell him that I need to also.  He
gets up and offers me a hand up and we walk out naked into the
day.  We see a bush and go over and let it rip.  When we are
finished, I realize that we are naked and outside.  He says so are
many others and I look around and find many others who are
naked also.  He takes my hand and leads me back to our tent.  Just
outside our tent are some wild flowers and he picks some and puts
them in my hair.  I lean into his shoulder and he puts his arm
around me pulling me close.  We stop at the entrance to the tent
and he turns me towards him and kisses me right there in front of
all these people.  Some make nasty and cruel remarks but most just
give us the peace sign and say way to go man.

One week later.

     It is now the last day and we have not even spoken about what we
were going to do when this day came.  I am lying on my back
looking up into his eyes.

"Babe what happens now?" I say.

"What do you mean by now?" he asks.

"Well we are leaving and are we ever going to see each other
again?" I say with such longing in my voice as I look into his eyes.

     He puts his big strong arms around me, pulls me up to him, and
kisses me.  Not a farewell kiss but a kiss that says you are my
everything.

"You are coming home with me and meet my mom and dad and
then we are going to meet yours." He says.

"Babe are you out to your folks?" I ask.

"No but I want you and I don't want to loose you."

"But what will they say" I ask.

"They are so fucking cool man and will love you like I do" he says
and kisses me again.  My eyes start to well up and tears begin to
fall down my cheeks.

"What did I do babe?" he asks.

"Nothing and everything" I say and then I cry.

     He holds me close as I cry into his chest and he is rubbing my
back.  When I compose myself, I look into his eyes and tell him
that I love him and how happy I am that I met him.  We kiss again
a soft and passionate kiss.  God he can kiss.  We pack up our stuff
and I find my friends.  I introduce him to them as my boyfriend.  I
figure that if he is willing to risk it all then I am also.  My friends
are high and get up and come over to us and start to congratulate
us.  You see we are very open minded in my group.  We have been
living for a while in a commune in southern Vermont and have a
very diverse group of people there.  We bid our goodbyes and
leave.  It is then that I realize that how are we getting to his place.

"Babe" I say.

"Yeah man."

"How did you get here?" I ask.

"I thumbed why?" he says matter of factly.

"Where do you live?" I ask him.

" Ohio why?" he says.

"You thumbed from Ohio all the way to northeastern New York?"
I ask in a shocked and concern voice.

"Yep" he says rather smugly.

"And you.we are going to thumb back?" I ask

     Again, he says 'yep' but gives me a glance and a smirk.
God I hate that look so self assured.  We walk on for a while and I
am thinking what have I gotten myself into here.  I look at his sure
stride and his manly body.  God he is so hot.  I then look at his
hand that is holding mine tightly in his and I stop.  He turns and
asks what's up.

"We are walking to Ohio." I say with concern and maybe some
doubt to my voice.

"Yep" he says, God I wish he could say something else.

"Do you have a problem with that?" he says with a glare in his
eyes and then a slight smile comes to his face.

     He pulls me to him laughing and says that his van is in town
having some work done and we need to only catch a ride to town.
I start to pound his chest with my fists, softly because I don't want
to hurt him.  He grabs me around my arms and pulls me in for a
kiss.

"Why didn't you tell me before you had wheels" I ask him.

"Because I wanted to see if you really loved me or would leave me
when you realized we had to walk and thumb." He said.

"I told you I loved you and I was ready to walk if I had to" I said.

     He grabs my hand and we walk on until my friends drive up and I
ask them for a ride into town.  We climb in and smoke with them
before they drop us at the garage where his van is.  We hug and
they wish us peace and love and we go into the garage.  I tell him
that I am going to go and get us some food to eat before we leave.
He says cool and I leave.  I walk up the street to a diner I had seen
and go in.  I have my hip hugger bell-bottom jeans on with a
paisley print peasant shirt with beads around my neck.  I have my
hair back in a ponytail with some flowers that Kyle had put in it
today and I order our food.  While I am waiting for my order, I
notice some of the locals watching me and whispering amongst
themselves.  I get a very uneasy feeling and wished that Kyle were
here with me.  There are four of them and they are big, fat big.  My
order comes and while I am paying for it, they get up and leave.
The shortest one of them must be six feet and 250 pounds.  I ignore
them and as they walk by when one says "hippy fag" and leaves.  I
take my order and thank the waitress with a tip and leave.  I am
walking back down to the garage when I hear behind me,

"Hey hippy fag boy."

  I just ignore it and walk a little faster.  I now can hear their
footsteps getting closer to me.

Again, I hear "hey faggot you deaf."

I stop and turn and they are right there in my face.  The big one
grabs my order, throws it on the ground, and stomps on it.

"Hey motherfucker you are going to replace that" I say to him.

"And who is going to make me, you fag boy?" he asks.

Out of nowhere, I hear "I am motherfucker!"

     I turn and there is Kyle running at the big one.  He leaps into the
air and his feet hit the guy right in his chest sending him reeling
backwards and unto his ass hitting his head on the parking meter.
Another rushes us, Kyle turns, side kicks him in the knee, and
down he goes screaming in pain.  The other two just run away in
fear.  He sees our order smashed on the ground and goes over to
the big one who is out for the count and grabs his wallet out of his
pocket.

"How much was our order?" he asks.


"Four seventy six." I tell him.

He takes a ten out and says,

"Got to give a tip you know" and walks over to me and asks "you
alright babe?"

"Yeah babe I am just a little shook up."

He takes my hand and we walk back to the diner.
"Lets eat in" he says.

When we enter the diner the waitress says,

"I saw what happened and your new order will be up in a few Hun.
You want it to go or here?"

"Here is fine," I say and we grab a booth.

"Are we doing the right thing coming out," I ask Kyle.

"Can't help if some motherfuckers are assholes," Kyle says.

"Besides I love you and I will be there for you babe," he says with
a sparkle in his eyes and he reaches for my hand and squeezes it.

'God I am falling in love with this man so fucking hard' I thought.

I smile at him and tell him "God I love you Kyle."

"Love ya to babe." He says.  We eat and then we are on our way to
Ohio.


The van is an old VW van and has a bed in the back.

I tell him, "I am tired and I'm going to lay down a bit."

"Wake me if you want me to drive," I say to him and cover myself
with a thick blanket he has back there as I lie down.

"Pleasant dreams babe," he says.

     I wake with a jolt and sit up.  We aren't moving anymore and Kyle
is nowhere around that I can see and I panic.  I get up and go
outside to look for him and see him lying on the ground just off the
road.  He is covered in blood and isn't moving.

"Oh God, what is happening now?" I ask to myself.

I then hear a voice behind me saying, "There's the other fag, get
him."

I feel a hard whack on my head and then darkness.

******************************************************
Sorry about the cliffhanger.  Let me know if I should continue or
not.  This is my first attempt at writing and I appreciate your
comments.  You can email me at randyhoward2@yahoo.com.