Date: Fri, 15 Oct 1999 13:18:35 EDT
From: SSch191950@aol.com
Subject: The Knife That Twists Within Part 8

The Knife That Twists Within
Part 8

At 6 in the morning he heard the phone ringing in the hall, jumped out of the
bed and ran downstairs. "Marcus?" he shouted into the receiver.

   "Yes, darling, where have you been?"

Nicholas swallowed but he had to tell him now. "First in the hospital, then
at home, trying to sleep but couldn't."

   "Jesus, Nicholas, why the hospital again?"

   "There was a car, tried to hit us and Sebastian pushed me into the snow
and saved my life."

All was silence at the other end of the line. Then he heard, "A car? When was
it? Last night? Are you hurt? And Sebastian saved your life?"

   "Yes! Ask Sebastian." He paused for a moment. "Yes, I'm hurt, my right
wrist is sprained."

He saved my life. Yes. That was the truth, he thought. And now he would be
responsible for my future life, as an old saying goes.

   "I'm so sorry, darling. You'll have problems at the Academy, what
will you do if you can't hold a pencil?"

   "Don't know at the moment. That's the least of my problems."

"I can imagine. I'm really sorry about that. And angry. Is Sebastian ghere?
If yes, can I speak to him, please?"

   "He's still sleeping. It's 6 am!"

   "I know darling. But what are you ding in the middle of the night with
Sebastian?"

Nicholas felt a spurt of anger. "I was at the "Moonbreaker" asking about
Simon's photo and Sebastian came to pick up Kay."

He sensed that this was all Greek to Marcus.

   "Oh, by the way, he wanted to speak to us, but you were already gone."

   "Yes, I told him to take care of you."

   "Did you? Well, he took care...."

   "What do you mean?" Marcus asked. Nicholas bit his lower lip.

   "Like I said, he saved my life."

   "But you are ok, now? What do you think about the whole business?"

Nicholas didnt know what to answer. "Well, I'm not sure, but I'm beginning
to have a feeling that somebody is doing this on purpose and that it is
always the same man ... or woman."

Marcus sighed again. "Yes, I have the feeling, too. I'll try to come home
as soon as possible, ok? Now, honey can you please wake up Sebastian?"

Nicholas nodded. "Yes, but can't you come home now? You cannot leave me alone
here, I'm afraid that something really bad will happen soon! And I miss you."

   "Honey, I will come as soon as it's possible. I cannot at the moment,
Sebastian is there to look after you. He will do anything, he has promised me.
There are some problems suddenly and I don't want to come home without the
screen. Now take care of your hand. I miss you too."

Nicholas anger grew. How could Marcus dismiss him so easily. If he loved him,
he would come instantly and nobody or nothing would stop him. Without a word
and feeling very dissapointed he laid the receiver on the sideboard and went
upstairs again to wake Sebastian. He didn't dare to burst into the room
straight away but first knocked and then opened the door. Both men lay there,
spooned together, sound asleep.

Quietly he shook Sebastian's naked shoulder until he stirred. "Marcus is on
the phone. He wants to speak to you."

Sebastian blinked. "Yes, I'm coming." He suppressed a yawn and stretched his
body. Then he crept out of the bed and pulled on his robe.

He gave Nicholas a thin smile and asked, "How did you sleep?"

   "Hardly at all."

Sebastian stroked his cheek. "I'm sorry. Did your hand hurt?"

Nicholas shook his head. "Go now, Marcus is waiting."


   "Hello my dear, what's the time in New York?" Sebastian spoke into the
receiver.

   "Midnight. Morning, Bastian. What's happened to Nicholas? He told me that
a car tried to hit you?"

Sebastian cleared his throat. "Yes, it's true. We came out of the
"Moonbreaker", I wanted to take him home because he had drunk a little bit
too much and then there was this damn car. I certainly had the impression the
driver wanted to kill us."

Marcus sighed heavily at the other end of the line. "So it's true, yes? We
weren't wrong in our suspicions? There's somebody out there... Do you think
it could be Simon? Could you find anything out about him?"

   "No. Nobody has seen him. Marcus, I cannot believe it's Simon. I guess he's
got other problems now. Why should he want to do it?"

   "Yes, yes, but can you think of anybody else? This Frank perhaps?"

   "Frank? The teacher at the Academy? Hm, don't know. I shouldn't think so."

   "But Nick is ok? He said his hand was injured?"

   "Yes, but apart from this everything is ok. He had a slightly shock as you
can imagine. I think you should come home on the next flight. Nicki needs
you", - and then I'll be free of this dangerous proximity, he thought.
But Marcus fled into excuses.

   "There are some problems here. The seller isn't sure all of a sudden if
he should sell his precious piece of Art."

   "Ah, he only wants to force up the price. But is it so important? More
important than your lover? Come back now."

   "I cannot, understand me, Bastian. This is a screen I have been after for
years! I can't give it up. Your are there, and you have promised me you'll
look after him. Probably I can't come back before next Thursday. Would you
stay at my house? Oh, by the way, what's this news about sweet Kay?"

Sebastian was reserved. "Big love affair I would say."

   "Big love? Are you ill? Well, anyway, if you can't avoid it, then stay
with him, but promise me to take care of my little boy? I don't want to hear
that he's in the hospital again, understand?"

   "Yes, Sir. I understand." His voice was stern. "But still I can't
understand your attitude, and I guess Nicki will be cross with you if you
don't com home. Think about it, Marcus. I'll call you in the afternoon, ok?"


While Sebastian was on the phone Nicholas has made coffee, taken out the
butter of the fridge. Sebastian sat quietly at the table looking unshaven and
tired. His eyes were dark with rings. He stared at the coffee percolator and
watched the dark fluid dropping into the glass jug beneath it.

   "I'm sorry about last night. We shouldn't have done it."

Nicholas said nothing.

   "You know I like you, Nicki", Sebastian continued, "but there's Kay and
Marcus ... I don't want to hurt them. Let's just say, you needed comfort
yesterday, can you be satisfied with this?"

He peered over his shoulder to the young man standing with bent shoulders by
the fridge and staring into nothing.

   "Yes," he said very low. "It's all right. It will never happen again.
Right?"

Sebastian nodded not very convinced. Actually he needed more time to think
about it, but he hadn't time, because there was Kay who wanted his full
attention and he couldn't simply dissapear back to Rome because he had
promised Marcus to look after his boy. What a dilemma! he thought.

   "Where is Kay?" Nicholas asked.

   "Still sleeping I guess."

   "And what have you planned with him? Aren't you actually going back to
Rome again? Will you be taking him with you?"

   "I haven't a clue at the moment. Yes I must go back sometime, I have some
projects running in Rome, but at the moment I have to look after you, Nicki.
I don't like the idea of you all alone in this big house."

   "Ah, baby-sitting again?" Nicholas' voice was scornful and Sebastian gave
him a surprised look. "Listen, I'm doing this for you and for my best friend,
because I know he's in love with you, but if you prefer to live alone that say
it and I'll disappear."

Nicholas went to the coffee machine to take out the jug. "I didn't mean to
say that. Sorry," he said timidly. "I'm confused, that's all."

  "It's ok, Nicki. I'm sorry too." He grabbed Nicholas by the waist and pulled
him onto his lap. "Forgive me?" he whispered into his ear and Nicholas got
goosebumps again. He felt Sebastian's cock at his crack through the thin
material of the robe and wriggled his ass a bit. Sebastian giggled. "Stop it,
baby or we'll continue where we stopped last night."

   "Am I interrupting something?" they heard Kay's voice from the kitchen door.

Nicholas wanted to jump up but Sebastian's grip was firm around his waist.
"Oh, I only wanted to examine his hand," Sebastian said innocently.

   "And?" Kay said lurking, "how is it?"

Nicholas wriggled free of Sebastian's arms. "It's better, but it hurts if I
move my fingers."

   "Now that's real shit, sweetie." Kay searched for cups and plates.

   "Want to take a shower first, Bastian? You look as if you need one."

Sebastian touched the stubble on his chin and nodded. "Save me some coffee."

He was barely out of the door when Kay spun round to face Nicholas.

   "Is there something going on between you and Sebastian? Tell me before I
get too involved." He said it calmly but his eyes sparkled with anger.

Nicholas closed his eyes for a moment and leaned against the shelves.

   "I don't know if there is something", he said quietly. "And I don't want
to think about it right now. There are more important things for me right
now. Take Sebastian with you and be happy with him. I don't care. The only
thing I want is Marcus but he's in fucking New York and won't come back to me."
His blue eyes pierced Kay's. "What would you do if somebody was trying to
kill Sebastian and you were far away?"

Kay snorted. "Come back the next minute!"

   "You see! But this shitty ... screen is apparently a thousand times more
important to him than me!" Nicholas almost shouted and his voice betrayed all
his frustration and disappointment. Maybe he had chosen the wrong man.
Sebastian cared for him ... at the moment that is. But was his 'care' only
selfishness, because he was looking for someone to took care of his cock?

   "Oh shit!" Nicholas exclaimed, grabbed the nearest thing from the kitchen
table and threw it onto the tiled floor.

The coffee cup shattered into a thousands fragments.

Kay gazed at him in disbelief. "Wow what a outbreak of temperament, sweetie!"
he said and looked for a brush and dustpan.

   "Leave me alone, I'm going home, I've had enough." And with this he
ran out of the kitchen upstairs into the bedroom, pulled out his old
suitcase and rucksack and stuffed all the clothes he could see into them.
With the same speed he ran downstairs again, pulled on his jacket, grabbed the
keys and slammed the door behind him.

   "What was that noise? Have you been arguing?" Sebastian asked as he came
out of the bathroom and entered the kitchen.

   "He's gone."

   "What? But why didn't you stop him?"

   "Travellers shouldn't be stopped."

   "Bullshit!" He stepped closer to Kay. "Are you stupd? We cannot leave him
alone. He's probably in danger!" Restless he wandered around the kitchen.

   "Don't you know where he live?"

Kay shook his head. "Oh shit!"

He ran out of the house onto the street but Nicholas was already disappeared.
He cursed loudly. Marcus hadn't the address either, he was sure. While he went
slowly back to the house shivering in his thin shirt he pondered about it.
Then his face lit up. "Matthias! He must know the address of Nicki!" Then he
stopped abruptly. "You are stupid, Sebastian. What about the telephone book?"

He ran back, rang the bell and when Kay opened the door he rushed to the
sideboard in the hall, pulled out the telephone books and leafed through.
"Here it is but the address is missing", he exclaimed and wanted to dial.

   "Nick's telephone number?" Kay shook indulgently his head. "He can't be
there already, Bastian. And who know's if he's going home. Perhaps he's off
to Matthias."

Sebastian looked thoughtfully at Kay. "Yes, you are right. I'll give him
one hour, then I'll try. But do you know the address of Matthias? Or his
surname?"

   "No."

   "Shit!"

   "But I know where he works."

Relieved Sebastian pulled Kay to his chest and embraced hm.

   "But it's Sunday, we'll have to wait till tomorrow."

   "Oh, yes." Sebastian frowned. "Well, let's hope he goes home today."
He sighed. "What shall I say to Marcus when I call him later?"

Kay shrugged. "Tell him he's sleeping."

   "Oh man, you have for all the answers, haven't you? But this is not a
game", he said insistently. "There were three incidents so far." He counted
by his fingers. "One the mugger with the chloroformed cloth at the
"Moonbreaker", second the fire in the exhibition hall where his painting was
burnt and third this car accident now. Tell me this is pure coincidence and
my name is Otto."

   "Ok, I will never call you Otto. Do you suspect anyone inparticular?"

   "Marcus thinks it could be your brother."

Kay raised his eyebrows. "Simon? That's nonsense. He would never do such
stupid things."

   "Are you sure? When was the last time you saw him?"

   "About 10 month now. He rang me shortly after he had his AIDS-test and
then...nothing. He left Marcus and disappeared Heaven knows where."

Sebastian put his arm around his shoulders and went with him into the kitchen
again. The coffee was cold by now and Sebastian's stomach rumbled. "Ever
tried Turkish coffee?" he asked Kay.

   "Sure. You want some?"

Sebastian nodded and sat at the table. "Now tell me the reason for you
argument."

   "We didn't argue." Kay put water into the heater. "I only asked him if
there was something between him and you that I should know before I fall head
over heals in love with you."

Sebastian peered over his shoulder at the young man. "Think carefully, man.
I'm not sure I'm worth it!"

   "You didn't answer my question, Bastian. And," he bent down and gave him a
quick kiss on the lips, "you are certainly worth it."

Sebastian gave him a weak smile. "You don't know me, Kay", he whispered.

    "But I want to know you better. Now, is there something I should know?"

Sebastian was in a tight spot. "You know, Nicki is a sweet guy, but ..." He
threw an unsure look at Kay's back. "He's not free."

Kay turned. "So you would rather have Nick as lover than me?" he asked hurt.

Sebastian took a deep breath and raised his hand which almost seemed ot
repulse him. "No, Kay, it's, shit, I can't explain it. Some things cannot be
explained. At least, I cannot explain it. Understand me. And after all, I have
a feeling you weren't so uninterested in him, either."

   "Oh," Kay said, and his cheeks reddened briefly. "You noticed? But now you
are here", he said.

   "Yes. Now you are here. That's the answer." The water boiled and Kay poured
it over the coffee in the mugs. He smiled relieved. Sebastian was right, he
thought. Now Sebastian was there. A real man he was in love with and one who
matched his own conception of life.

He put the steaming mug on the table in front of his lover and smiled. "Now,
after we sorted that out, what do we now? Did Nicki tell you about his father?"

   "His father?" Sebastian lifted the mug and blew the coffee grounds away.
"Well, I remember he was about to tell me something  when the car hit us.
What's with him?"

   "Don't know exactly. Only that he called him a 'fucking faggot'."

   "Oh." Sebastian nodded. "Another father who can't get use to the idea
that his precious son is a queen. I've met them."

   "You have? What about your parents?"

   "Living in Italy, too. South-Tyrol."

   "Nice place?"

   "Never been there?"

Kay shook his head.

   "Pity. It's a wonderful place to live."

   "Yes, but what did they say when they learned that you were gay?"

Sebastian shrugged. "They didn't care. They never cared much about us
children. Gave us money instead of love."

Now Kay nodded. "I know this. You know that Marcus' and my parents were
business partners."

   "Yes, I know. How did they take it, as Simon disappeared?"

   "Terribly. He was always the spoilt baby of the family."

   "Baby of the family? How old are you actually?"

   "Twenty six. He's four years younger than me."

A sound in the hall made both men turn their heads. Anna Weyler stood in the
doorway looking surprised.

   "Anna!", said Sebastian. "What you are doing here on a Sunday?"

   "Good Morning Mr. Sebastian." Her voice was more than cold.  "Wanted to
look after Marcus." She eyed the other young man very suspiciously.

   "Hi, I'm Kay."

Anna looked back to Sebastian, but he only grinned. "Marcus isn't here as you
know certainly, Anna. Off to New York. I'm sure he has told you. So there's
no need to spy around."

   "Spy around?" If it was  possible, Anna's voice grew even more icy. "I
think I have a right to be here and to see if everything is all right." Her
gaze made clear that she doubted that either Sebastian or Kay were permitted
to be here.

   "If you are lookong for Nicholas, he isn't here either. So it would be nice
if you would leave us alone. Do me the favour, yes?"

   "But what's about a lunch?"

Sebastian's eyebrows rose in surprise. "You want to cook for us? But, Anna,
we can't accept. We are fine on our own. Go now, please. And," he added,
"there won't be any need to come around next week. We'll be here to take care
of the house, ok?"

   "Well," Anna said and stood undecided, but then turned and left the house.

   "Who on earth was that?" Kay asked, amused.

   "Anna, the good ghost of the house."

   "Ah, had a feeling she doesn't like you especially."

   "No, she hates me."

   "Really? You mean someone actually could hate you?"

Sebastian whispered close to Kay's ear. "More than you can imagine. Think
of all my ex-lover around the world!"

Kay flinched back. "How many lovers?"

Sebastian was amused by the concerned look in the young man's face and
grinned. "Was a joke, baby. I can look after myself, don't worry. I learnt my
lesson from Simon."

   "Good. And what we shall do about Marcus? Will you tell him that Nick has
vanished without a trace?"

   "I have to, I guess. I can't understand why he won't fly back right now.
I always had the feeling that he's so in love with Nicki. And I was happy
that he'd found somebody after Simon. Somebody he could trust" He gazed at
Kay. "Don't get me wrong, honey. But he's so completely different to your
brother."

   "No need to make excuses, I know what you mean."

Kay's stomach rumbled audibly and Sebastian laughed. "You are very hungry,
aren't you? Well what could we do about this? Go out and eat something or
shall I cook here?"

   "You can cook?" Kay ask surprised.

   "But of course. Can't you?"

   "No. ButI'm too hungry to wait while you cook. Let's go out. And then you
call Marcus, perhaps he knows where Nick lives."




Matthias opened the door wearing pyjama shorts and looking very sleepy.
Nicholas was embarrassed. He hadn't looked at his watch but Matthias let him
in without questions. He took the suitcase from him and put it in the small
hall. Silently he motioned him to go into the kitchen and followed.

   "Coffee?"

   "Where's Tina?"

   "Still in bed."

   "I'm sorry, pal. I didn't look at the time."

   "What's this?" Matthias pointed at his taped hand.

   "Little accident", Nicholas answered.

   "But it's your right hand. What about working at the Academy?"

Nicholas shrugged. "I don't care. The Academy can get lost."

Matthias looked his friend up and down. He looked terrible, deep shadows under
his dull eyes, the shine was completely gone, and his hair was uncombed as if
he had come straight from bed.

   "What's up, buddy? Watch the water for me, I'll be back in a minute and
then I'm all ears. But I desperately need to piss."

He vanished and Nicholas sat alone in the tiny kitchen whose small window
looked out onto a square yard which resembled the yard where he used to live.
In the centre grew a huge chestnut tree whose branches were still completely
leafless.

The kettle whistled and Nicholas jumped but Matthias came in from the bathroom
and pulled off the pipe.

Matthias remained in silence during the next half hour while Nicholas told him
the events of last night. Now and then he proffere some remarks or questions,
and finally shook his head in amazement.

   "I cannot belief you are so unimportent to Marcus. All what you told me
over the last few weeks ... it sounded so ... happy and all right. And I was
glad you had finally found someone. But now, are you sure that he's is the
right man for you? I mean, he's someone from a totally foreign and strange
invironment and upbringing. Perhaps he can't understand your situation. Maybe
he just doesn't care about anything else other than himself."

He stretched out his hand.

   "I don't want to hurt you, Nick. But if I can help you I must tell the
truth, do you understand?" His blue-grey eyes were pleading.

   "Of course I understand you, buddy. And I'm really glad I can talk to you
about everything. I'm just surprised you understand me so well, I mean..."

   "You mean, especially because I'm  NOT gay, right?"

Nicholas nodded and Matthias chuckled. "But it was you who told me, what's
the difference! I fancy women and you men. But the goal is the same."

   "So, what's the goal?" Nicholas asked quietly.

   "To be happy?"

   "Yeah, to be happy. But I'm afraid, I'm not happy right now." A little half
grin appeared around his mouth. "I guess I should go now. I don't want to
disturb your Sunday with Tina." He rose. "Thanks for being there for me. But
I guess I must sort this out by myself."

Matthias followed him into the hall. "Where are you going now?"

   "Home. To my old flat."

   "But aren't you afraid of the man who's after you? You have no protection
if you are alone. You can stay here if you want."

But Nicholas shook sadly his head. "I don't want to. I must be alone."

                                  ~~~


   "Do you have to work tonight?" Sebastian lay relaxed in bed and stroked
Kays hair.

   "No. I called while you were in the bath and said I had something better
to do this evening." He turned onto his stomach and looked into Sebastian's
face.

   "So? What is it, this 'something better'?"

   "Fucking you until the sun rises! What else?"

Sebastian chuckled. "Ah! Fucking ME! Are you sure?"

   "What do you mean: Are you sure? Have you never been fucked before?"

   "But of course, sweetheart. But it's a long time ago."

   "I will be careful, promise."

Sebastian grinned again and stroked a blond strand from of Kay's face.
"What's the real colour of your hair? Like Simon's brown?"

   "Yes. You don't like the blond hair?"

   "You would look better with your natural colour. It would emphasize
your beautiful eyes."

   "Do I have beautiful eyes?"

   "But yes." Sebastian bent over and brushed the eyes with his lips.

Kay giggled. "If you say so..." His gaze fell upon the little alarm clock on
the nightstand. "Didn't you want to call Marcus? It must be  now ... 8 in the
morning, right?"

   "Yes," groaned Sebastian and rose with a sigh. "Why hasn't Marcus an
extension next to his bed? I always have to run down into the hall."

But naked as he was he went downstairs, fished the number of Marcus' mobile
out of his jacket pocket and dialled. Marcus was instantly on the phone.

   "Good news, Bastian?"

   "The good news would be if you came home, my friend. Nicholas is gone."

   "What - gone? Where?"

   "Home, I guess. You don't have his address, do you?"

Again there was an alarmed pause on the phone. "You tell me seriously that
Nicholas is gone and you don't know where? God Sebastian! You cannot take
care of him for a single day?"

Marcus was shouting and Sebastian held the receiver away from his ear.

   "Well, that's another reason to come home," he said finally.

   "What have you done with him?"

   "Nothing! I told you he would be cross. He feel abandoned, that's all. Now
move your ass here, right now."

Again there was silence and Sebastian knew Marcus was fighting with himself.

   "Ok. I'm coming. But I don't have his address!"

   "Doesn't matter. Kay knows where Matthias works and he will certainly know
his address. But we can't ask him until tomorrow."

   "Yeah, Sunday, I know. Listen, Bastian. I'll take the next plane to
Germany, don't know which one and when I'll arrive. I call you when I'm on
the way, ok?"

   "Good. So this wasn't such a hard decision, was it?" Sebastian asked
ironically. But Marcus had already cut the line.


To be continued