Date: Tue, 10 Jun 2014 06:36:53 +0700
From: Robert Glass <robxglass@gmail.com>
Subject: The Virgin Joseph part 20

All right reserved. Any unauthorized use is prohibited. This is a
fiction. Any resemblance to people and/or events is coincidental. If
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you, please do not read on.

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PART 20


Joe was wrong when he thought that his anger would slowly die down through
the first week. In fact, it only grew bigger. Tom had been relentless with
his downpour of apologies. Joe had kept his cool through work hours and Tom
had been unsurprisingly respectful. Soon after the bell rings, however, Tom
hunted Joe down and started begging for forgiveness. Every single day. It
was downright infuriating and to tell the truth Tom seemed more than a
little pathetic. He wasn't like this at all at the aftermath of the
incident; he shut his mouth. On the other hand, Sam who were trying his
hardest to apologize hours after Joe found him naked with Tom on his bed,
were now completely missing. It was as though they flipped a switch and
permanently turned into each other.

It was what it was, Joe thought. He learned to take what he could take. In
his shitty life, he could not ask for much. Life never did come easy, just
like trust.

Things in the office weren't as smooth as it seemed either. Joe was the new
guy and Tom was the good guy of the office. There was no doubt that
everyone was on his side. Joe's soft spoken words and polite smiles could
only take him so far; it was only to keep his composure, not to win anyone
over. Not that he needed to, he was used to being the lone wolf. Joe came
to the office alone, ate lunch alone, and went home alone, just like his
first week there. He was once again an alien.

Joe was rushing out of the front door to have lunch just ten minutes shy of
break time, Amy came along.  "Joseph!" she called.

"Oh, hi Amy." His voice was an equivalent of a shrug.

"Cut the act. I know what happened," she said rather bluntly.

"So?"

Amy tangled her arm around Joe's and walked at his pace. "Don't act like
you don't need me and stop being a jerk for a second." They haven't walked
far and Joe had not reached his destination but Amy pulled him aside to go
into a burger joint; the bad one that they always avoided.

"I'm not planning to eat here," Joe protested.

"Your preferences do not matter to me," Amy snapped. Joe resigned. He knew
what Amy was up to.

They ordered the best of the worst, which were the standard burger and
fries. For a place with a bad reputation, the regular ones must have been
the best they could offer, or so they assumed. It was still
horrible. Disgraceful cuisine aside, the place was perfect. Not in terms of
decoration, it was as blasphemous as the food, but because none of the
other guys would eat there.

"Joe, I am deeply insulted that you did not come to me this past week. What
am I to you? A backup friend?" Amy said.

"Well, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that the problem you're having about my
problem is bigger than my problem," he replied sarcastically.

Amy was still stern; she was dead serious. "Don't be a jerk. Look, I know
what happened. At this moment I know you don't have anyone to talk
to. You've avoided everyone. You have no one, not even Sam. You need to
talk it out to someone and I'm willing to listen."

"It's nice to have an ally in this war against humanity," he said curtly.

"Joe, you know you need my help." She was dismissing his sarcasm at every
turn.

"I don't need any help."

"Oh, please. If a strong woman like me needs a friend in hard times, a
wimpy little boy like you needs one more."

Joe stopped chewing. The taste of a dirty cow lingered in his mouth and
that was the least of his problem. He was looking closely at Amy's eyes
that looked back with the same intensity. She meant what she said and she
said what she meant. Despite the unfiltered diction, Amy was always true
and sincere. He started chewing again and swallowed hard. "Thank you," he
said.

"You're welcome," she replied. "Just talk to me, okay? Anytime you
want. Maybe not right now, but you have to talk to me. I know it's eating
you."

"This burger is eating me," Joe dropped his meal in disgust. "I just... I'm
angry, Amy, and I'm sad and crushed. He was supposed to be the one I could
always trust. And... and he swayed me into it. He made it so easy for me to
trust him. THEY made it so easy for me to trust them. I don't trust
easily... but I did.  Now look where it's gotten me."

"Say it to them, then," she suggested.

"I can't. I'm still fucking angry. Did you hear about what I did with the
chair?" Amy nodded. "About the beating?" Amy nodded again.

He then proceeded on telling her about his coming out story. All the gory
details were exposed; the fear and anticipation prior to the action, the
actual action, the consequences of the action, everything.  Including how
his father slapped him and he punched him back. Amy was gasping every once
in a while.  She never knew that it was that bad; he never told her. He
never told anyone else but Tom. He didn't even tell Sam about it. To Joe,
it was a secret.

"You have an aggression issue," she said flatly.

"I just... can't stay cool when I'm angry... and I hate it. You know how
they say that you're lost once you raised your voice? Well, I raise a hand,
which is much, much worse. I'm afraid it would happen again. I can't reason
to them without wanting to kill them. I want to be civil; otherwise it will
end up nowhere."

"Nowhere good, at least."

"Yeah." Joe sighed, several times. It started to annoy the hell out of
Amy. "Such a mess."

"Right now, you're a mess."

"I know," Joe said. "I shouldn't have dated him in the first
place. Relationships are messy. Now I can't get along with anyone anymore
since everyone's on his side."

"Actually, Alice and Nick are torn. Tom is their good friend but that
doesn't mean they are not appalled by what he did. Alice tried to stop Tom
from ambushing you every day, but you know Tom. He always want to make
things right and he's relentless when he wants something."

"He didn't want me that much in the first place, then. Otherwise he
wouldn't sleep with another man."

"He didn't sleep with Sam," Amy said. "Besides, you know how it is when Tom
gets drunk."

The drunk part, Joe got it. Yeah, Tom was drunk and so was
Sam. Intoxication makes people do stupid things indeed. He knew. The part
about sleeping? That's hard to forgive. "I don't believe it for a second."
His voice was rising.

"Okay, okay. You're still mad, I get it. Just don't hit anyone."

Joe couldn't keep a straight face. Somehow that sounded funny, whether Amy
meant it as a joke or not.  He couldn't help but laugh a little. Amy
too. It was a joke after all. "Thank you, I needed that."

"You're welcome." Amy smiled. "Just don't keep it all inside and talk to me
every once in a while. Or Jake, he's wise. Even Alice and Nick; they're
sick of listening to Tom's side and dying to listen to yours."

"Let's just keep it between us for now."

"Sure."


***


Another week passed and nothing changed. Sam was still insistent in not
having meals in their favorite diner. Somehow Joe was pissed. Sam did not
make an effort to make things better. He was the complete opposite of Tom
who were overbearing. Sam was nonexistent, mentally and physically.

It was early in the evening, the second weekend after the tragedy, when Joe
saw Henry came out of Sam's apartment building. Joe was going to have
dinner by himself. Uncharacteristically, Joe called out.  Maybe he just
wanted to share the sorrow. The tall man looked around, trying to discover
the source of the sound. Joe waved, Henry waved back. He smiled, Joe
thought it was strange. He also had a shopping bag in his right hand, must
be the stuff he left there. Long story short, Joe invited him to have
dinner together, again, uncharacteristically. They took a seat near the
window of the same old diner just so Sam could see them eating together and
ultimately avoided them, if he ever was planning on going there to have
dinner. Fool proof, Joe thought.

"How can you still be smiling? Aren't you sad that you broke up with him?"
Joe asked.

"We weren't actually official yet." Henry smiled again.

"Still, he slept with another guy while dating you."

"He didn't."

"Why does everyone fall for that fiction?" Joe spat.

Henry just chuckled at the reply and continued eating his salad. Yeah,
salad for dinner. No wonder Henry was so ripped; so ripped that Joe could
almost see the ridges of his abs through the loose sweater.

"You're obviously pissed at him," Henry started.

"No, it's rainbows and butterflies between us." Joe rolled his eyes.

Henry chuckled again. The fact that he was okay with it made Joe feel
irritated. "He's miserable, you know."

"Good. He deserves it."

"Don't be too mean," Henry said smiling.

"Seriously, what is your problem? How are you okay with this... with the
fact that the guy you're dating is a cheater?"

"What if I told you to me he's not a cheater?"

"Yeah, right. He didn't sleep with Tom." Joe was obviously mocking the
notion.

Henry chuckled a little. "No, not that. He and I were dating, but we didn't
agree on being exclusive." He shrugged. "Sure getting in bed with a man who
were in a relationship is wrong, and being drunk is no excuse. The thing
is, he didn't do it anyway, so I was okay with that. In fact, I wanted to
continue seeing him."

Joe was about to open his mouth. Henry was beyond illogical.

"He turned it down," Henry said before Joe could say a word. "Look, I know
that it's a lot harder on your side and I know that you could never see it
from his side, or even my side for that matter. I'm telling you this: You
have to forgive him."

"No."

"Okay." Clearly Henry didn't say it right. He stopped for a moment and
hesitated. He wasn't sure if he should tell Joe what he was thinking
about. Maybe mouthing off his opinion wouldn't hurt. "Joe, I think he's
more upset about losing you than losing me."

Joe squinted at him. Not sure if he should be angry, surprised, saddened,
or elated in the spirit of vengeance by the hypothesis.

"Think about it. He did something wrong, he lost his best friend, I still
want to be with him, but he said no, and from what I see I, bet you guys
aren't talking." Joe's silence confirmed it. "You mean a lot to him,
Joe. He's feeling awfully guilty for screwing things up. He's afraid of
you; he doesn't want to ruin things any further by talking to you. He..."

"Why are you doing this? Why are you trying to fix things between us?" Joe
cut him short.

"Because you're not."

"I mean..."

"I know what you mean," Henry said. "Look, I've been in his shoes; the
exact same shoes. I lost my best friend doing something as stupid as
that. Now he's about to lose his best friend too. We know he has a huge
ego, we also know he was a dick-hound before you, but I know he's not a
liar. I believe him. It takes a lot for a guy like him to own up to his
mistake, especially a mistake this big. I know you two had some sort of
history and I know how special you are to him. He's afraid that he will see
just how much you hate him. He's losing you and he can't do anything about
it."

"And he expects ME to do something about it?"

"He doesn't. I think he's decided to respect your decision. If you think
that kicking him out of your life is the best thing for you, he will gladly
kick himself out for you."

"Overdramatic," Joe commented. Inside, he felt a little sorry for Sam. No,
Sam did not deserve anything but hatred from him.

"I do expect you to do something about it," Henry said. Joe shot a look of
disapproval. "Not just with Sam, with Tom too. They screwed up and they
apologized, which I assume was two epic and annoying sets of
apologies. They owned up. It's your turn to do something about it. I mean
you don't have to forgive them right away, or at all. Just tell them how
you feel."

Shit fucking fuck. Why is everyone always right and Joe is always wrong?
"How is it possible that everyone else knows about life much more than I
do?" Across him Henry already his fork on the right position and then
dabbed his mouth in the most proper way. Henry even has an excellent table
manner.

"It's not that. Some of us just know a thing or two about wanting
forgiveness." Henry smiled sweetly.

Joe slammed his head back and exhaled with such violence. He stood from his
seat and took another one, next to Henry. Without any sort of warning, he
hugged the unbelievably charming man. He trapped Henry's arm and leaned his
head on that ridiculously sculpted shoulder. Joe may not know a lot about
being human before but along the way he learned certain things. He deducted
that Henry would appreciate the embrace.

"What's this for?" Henry asked.

Joe looked up and said, "I just want to touch your body." Henry blushed as
Joe rest his head on that boulder again. "I think you need this."

"You're adorable. No wonder you turned Tom gay."

"Sam told you that?"

"He told me everything," Henry confessed.

"That son of a bitch," Joe muttered.


***


Another week has passed and Joe was getting sick of being mad. Anger was
slowly murdering him and eventually killed itself. He got tired of missing
Amy's show in order to avoid potential conflict. He no longer wanted to
treat Tom like shit because it made him feel like shit. He couldn't have
Sam sneak into his own house like he was a criminal. That Friday night Joe
left his lights off and waited downstairs, at the entrance to his
apartment.  A little before eleven o'clock Sam appeared. Joe knew he had
been hiding in his car which was always parked almost at the end of the
block. Sam was visibly miserable; he kept his head low as he walked way too
quickly.

"Sam!"

Across the road, Sam turned around in front of the door and then stood
still. He was immobilized and speechless. If Henry's observation was
correct, Joe must have scared the shit out of Sam, hence the stillness.

"We need to talk," Joe said. No response whatsoever. Joe crossed the road
with a confident, intimidating stride. Since Sam can't seem to move
himself, Joe had to do it for him. He grabbed Sam's left wrist and easily
pulled him. His other hand was pulling out his phone and dialed a number
that he already memorized. The answer came quickly. "Tom, come to my
apartment, NOW! We need to talk."  And he hung up.

Upstairs in the warmth of Joe's apartment, things are cold. Sam did not
speak at all. He was probably afraid of the consequences of speaking
without Joe's permit. After all Joe already showed him what the
consequences might be. Joe told him to kill time by playing with his still
attached PS4 and Sam could only obey. He did not play it though; he was
stuck at the home screen while his mind wandered off elsewhere. It was
really cold. Tom arrived 10 minutes later. He must have violated several
traffic laws on his way there.

"Joseph," Tom said, fighting for air.

"Just get in and take a seat," Joe said, being utterly consistent with the
freezing tone.

Joe could see that Tom hesitated once he saw Sam was in. Still he took a
seat next to Sam at the couch.  The look in Sam's face was pathetic,
contrasting Tom's confusion. Nervousness started to bubble up again so Joe
took a moment to take gulp a whole glass of water. He slowly walked into in
front of the TV, trying to clear his mind and plan sentences. Planning is
stupid. He sat on the table.

"Joe..." Tom's effort to say anything was cut short by a finger.

"I know what both of you are going to say. You guys want to apologize. I
want you to shut up and hear me out for a second," Joe said.

He looked at the two men in front of him nodding. It was his cue to
continue. Joe wasn't sure if he could now. He was determined a moment ago
when Tom arrived. Now, he was scared of it. The thought of opening up to
someone terrified him. It wasn't just showing his emotion and vulnerable
side, it was also sharing his secret, one he hadn't told anyone other than
Justin.

So Joe sighed, hoping it would help him with gathering courage to speak.

"I'm angry, so deeply angry. You betrayed me. You made it easy to trust
you, both of you. You know I don't trust easily. I've been fucked over,
time and again, by my family, by my supposed friends, by my boss, everyone!
I've had it all. I do not trust. But the two of you just swayed me into it,
making it seem so easy. Then, just when things are good and perfect, the
two of you ripped it off me and threw it out the window. My boyfriend and
my best friend... you were supposed to help me and love me and protect me,
not kill me inside like the others did.

"So yeah, I'm angry. I'm fucking pissed, and when I'm pissed I get
physical. I'm sorry I punched you guys, I should've kept calm and
civil. The thing is I don't want to apologize for punching you; you guys
deserved it."

Tom and Sam felt horrible after, as if the guilt wasn't bad enough before
the speech. Worse, Joe looked gloomy and just that, not crying in
devastation or in a fit of rage. Joe was accepting the situation, not
demanding anything anymore; like he knew that disappointment was a running
joke the world had for him. Tom was the first to reach his hand towards the
man he loved.

"Don't touch me," Joe said. "Please."

"Okay," Tom replied, rather meekly.

The silence lingered; none of them spoke a word or even made a sound other
than their collective heavy breath.

"I mean I get it, you guys were drunk, and people do stupid things when
they're drunk. But that's not an excuse. I loved you and trusted you and
you betrayed me because you were drunk. That is not right. I really want to
stay mad. I want to be mad and not let anyone walk over me, especially the
people who hurt me, especially the two of you. I want to have power to
stand up for myself, even if it comes from anger. But I can't get myself to
stay mad."

"Joseph," Sam started. "I promise you, we didn't do anything. Tom hasn't
betrayed you at all. He still loves you. You can't be angry at him,
please. If you want to be angry, just be angry to me. I'm the one brought
all the booze in here, and I'm the one who come over and convinced him to
drink."

"Sam!" Tom was baffled by Sam's audacity to take the bullet for him. Tom
was not quite grateful, more of appreciative.

"No, Tom. I was." He then turned to Joe. "You can hate me all you want,
just as long as you're happy.  With him."

"No, Sam," Joe mumbled. "I forgive you; both of you. There's no need for
that."

Joe rubbed his head. How should he go about this? His mind wanders,
seemingly not able to stay on one thought, which made it hard to form an
intelligible sentence, let alone a speech. Shit were simply messy at the
moment. It shouldn't be messy. It should be simpler, no?

"I can't stay mad," Joe said. "It's killing me. I was mad at my parents
back in Birmingham and things were messy, that's why I moved here. This was
supposed to be my clean slate, my fresh start to be a new person. I don't
like how everything spiraled and we all ended up here. Nothing is how it
was anymore.

"Things were simpler when I first got here. You used to sneak into my
place, get drunk, and sleep on this couch, Sam. And you used to be the
obnoxiously grabby older brother who always accompany me home, Tom. I liked
everything when it was just that. Things were simpler and I was happy. I
had two great friends, not two strangers. Can we go back to
that... please?"

___

I had to pull this chapter out of my ass, which is where my brain is. Sorry
if the writing is horrible and/or rushed. I assure you that the plot was
meant to go this way. Leave your comments in my inbox (robxglass@gmail.com)
or go to my blog to see naked dudes.

Also, I have another story around here somewhere.
http://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/relationships/marc-and-luke/

Cheers!