Date: Sat, 30 Nov 2013 11:34:35 +0700
From: Robert Glass <robxglass@gmail.com>
Subject: The Virgin Joseph part 9

All right reserved. Any unauthorized use is prohibited. This is a
fiction. Any resemblance to people and/or events is coincidental. If
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PART 9


In the cold air of early December, Joe stormed out of a gay bar downtown,
not wearing his long coat yet.  He was pissed off and embarrassed by all
the shenanigans that happened inside. Sam was running to catch up to Joe's
pace. Joe muttered curses lowly, ignoring Sam's call. He never stopped; Sam
could only walk beside him in the same pace. God, Sam parked his car way
too far from the bar. Maybe if Joe chose Jake for this kind of outing, the
outcome would be preferable. For some reason, he chose Sam instead.

"Are you okay?" Sam asked.

"Do I look like I'm okay?" Joe replied furiously.

"Come on, it's not that bad." Sam draped his arm over Joe's shoulder,
trying to calm the man down. Joe rejected him, still muttering inaudibly,
cussing endlessly. "Come on, don't be so childish."

Joe stopped immediately by the comment. "Childish?" Joe's voice was loud
enough for people on the other side of the crowded street to hear him. "A
child would leave after the first one. I had no less than three men
rejecting me. I am NOT childish, Sam. I'm embarrassed!"

Sam could only sigh. Not entirely sure what to do, he draped his arm over
Joe's shoulder again and walked him to his car, slowly. Neither said a word
on their drive back to their neighborhood. Joe was quieter than Sam; he
didn't even sigh or grumble anymore, while Sam did. It was as though Sam
was more disappointed by how things went. Sam parked his car quite far from
his apartment, to his usual spot. He didn't immediately turn off the engine
or unlock the door. He sighed one last time.

"Let's grab dinner," Sam said.

"Okay. I'm famished."

They walked, slowly, towards their favorite diner, the Saturday
Morning. Again Sam wrapped his arm around Joe's shoulder. This time Joe had
his arm around Sam's back. None talked; it could wait until their asses
were seated in a warm room. Inside, Joe ordered a hearty plate of tuna
sandwich that the diner called 'O Fortuna' while Sam ordered something
called Basic, which was a basic serving of beef burger and fries.

"It wasn't that bad," Sam repeated.

Joe took the first bite of the dish. He chewed for a long, long time, like
he wanted Sam to wait for his reaction. "It was horrible, Sam, unbelievably
horrible. I talked with three men in less than an hour and none of them
were interested in me. Not all of them were very polite either. It's
embarrassing."

"Sorry. I guess I lost my touch." Sam felt guilty; he was the one that
introduced all three men to Joe.  "You talked with one of them quite
long. What's wrong with that one?" Sam asked.

"The tall, blonde one?" Joe asked.

"Yeah, the old one."

"Older. He's only forty, Sam, not old," Joe corrected. "His name is Eric. I
got his number, but I'm not going to call him. He's nice, I guess. He's
very sweet and all. He's hopeless, though, he only talked about his
ex. They broke up recently. I don't want to be somebody's rebound. Not on
my first time."

"I see." Sam nodded. "Give me his number, then. I don't mind being
somebody's rebound."

"No!" Joe laughed. Good, things weren't gloomy anymore. They continued
talking, dissecting each of the men Joe talked with. Aside from Eric, there
was a pompous hot guy Joe's age that left three minutes into their
conversation. Last but not least, a pervert who was obsessed about Joe's
virginity. Why did Joe have to tell that person about it? Joe was obviously
an idiot.

"I mean, I get it if I'm not physically attractive. Having those men not
interested in me got me thinking that I'm not intellectually attractive
too," Joe said. He gulped what was left of his glass of iced water.

"Come on, don't say that. You're very attractive." Sam said in a rather
serious tone.

"I'm not saying this because I want you to stroke my ego, Sam. I'm saying
this because I want to KILL MYSELF!" Joe said in muted scream.

Sam leaned forward and reached for Joe's hand. He clutched it hard. Joe
noticed and looked up. Sam had gotten more serious. "I mean it, Joe. You're
very attractive to me."

Joe dropped his shoulders and sighed again. "No, Sam, don't go there."

Immediately Sam released, Joe's hand had turned into arsenic. "I'm sorry."

Joe smiled, as sympathetically as he could, to which Sam did not
see. Things had turned around. Now Sam was the one who felt dejected while
Joe felt guilty as could be. Sam didn't even lift his gaze when Joe stood
up and left a few dollars on the table, ready to leave. Sam felt a hand
gripping his arm. "Let's go," Joe said.

They left; Joe in his long favorite grey long coat that Sam helped choose,
Sam in his reliable navy pea- coat. Around his arm Sam could feel Joe
clung, like he didn't want to let go, like Joe didn't want Sam to run. Also
like a boyfriend. Joe led the way, going farther from their homes. How
morbid the city was, snowing long before the solstice, just so it could
match the bleak look of Sam's once again broken heart.  "Where are we
going?" he asked.

"Nowhere," Joe said. "Just talk. I think you want to."

"There's no more to talk about, Joe. I like you and you don't like me, as
it always has been." There was no point in playing cool. The third time was
a charm. The third time Joe rejected him would be the final one.

"Why do you stay, Sam? Why do you hang around? I thought it was clear after
the incident after my birthday." Joe's steps were getting slower apart; the
rush a city boy like him perpetually holds onto was not needed. Slow was
what he aimed for, he needed the time to stretch a little.

Sam scoffed; his throat was dried by bitterness. "I was stupid, I guess. I
was hopeless, wishing you would change your mind."

"I see."

"We're compatible with each other, Joe. You know we are. We are in
synch. We're good together."

"We ARE good together, but..." Joe started.

"As friends," Sam interjected, knowing how Joe would end it. "See? We
finish each other's sentences."  Sam snickered, portraying sadness.

Joe took a deep breath. He looked up, hoping the sky would be clear enough
to see stars. Maybe the stars would magically speak to him, give him
directions, and guide him. No such luck for there was no such faith. "I
want us to work too," he confessed.

Sam stopped so Joe stopped too. "What?" he asked, bewildered. He looked
into Joe's eyes and he saw the truth. Those eyes were as confused as his.

"I do. The reason I asked you to take me there was because I'm terribly
lonely, Sam. Tom told me to let Jake from the office to take me out to one
of the places. I chose you instead. I thought maybe it would end well and I
will find a date or something. Deep down, I wanted this night to be
horrible just so that I realize that it's you that I've been missing out
all along. I wished I would eventually realize that you're the one for me."
The unchanging expression in Sam's face discouraged him from continuing but
the tight grip on Joe's shoulder asked for conclusion. Joe obeyed the
latter. "I really wanted to take that leap. I really, really wanted to feel
it, Sam, the way you feel for me. But I didn't. I could never get myself to
be certain. I'm so sorry."

In the warmth of his garments, Sam was frozen. He was unmoving; a chill was
running through his body.  "Why do you have to tell me that?" His voice was
so small and defeated and undemanding. He won the fight between his tears
and himself with only a shallow wetness in his eyes.

"I..." Joe reached for Sam's chest. He wanted to comfort Sam but he didn't
know how to. He wanted to keep a certain distance too, if it was
possible. "I'm a fucked up jerk, Sam. I'm sorry." He let up, pulling Sam
into him. They hugged in a painful embrace.

"Yeah, you're a jerk. I don't know how I could fall for you," Sam joked. He
was glad Joe could laugh along. "I can still come to your Christmas party,
right? I've already cleared my agenda just for it," Sam asked, moving away
from the discussion he didn't want to have.

"Sure. I mean you don't want your haircut go to waste, do you?"

"You noticed." Sam smiled.

"How can I not? You look like a homeless person just two days ago. You've
been working out too, I think.  Your arms are more muscular."

"Yeah, I thought I'd give you one last try." It sounded as desperate as it
was.

Joe reached for Sam's face, the sandpaper of a jaw felt softer on his
hand. "Oh, Sam, you failed." He smiled, Sam stayed still; not until he
cupped Joe's face in his hands. The touch was almost violent, mirroring his
heart's insistence. "I thought I could steal at least one more kiss from
you. Not gonna happen now." He heaved.

Joe leaned into one of Sam's hand and made a shocking statement. "You can
kiss me, Sam."

A million thoughts rained and flooded Joe, all were vague but one. That one
was the same desperation and need that Sam felt. That one was what drove
Joe to mimic Sam's gesture. Joe cupped Sam's face and pulled it closer to
his. They kissed, not long at all, no tongue, no games. It was agonizing;
torturing the both of them to seek that answer. As swiftly the kiss
started, it ended just in kind. Memorable but not in the good way.

Sam searched for Joe's gaze which scattered everywhere but in Sam's
eyes. They both know the answer now. They sighed at the same time. They
were in synch indeed. "Now we're sure," Sam said.

Joe nodded despite his falling head.

Sam took Joe's chin, claiming his cowardly eyes. He had to return to be
that Sam again, the one that Joe always called his friend. "It's okay. Now
I can move on. You too." He smiled reassuringly. He looked around only to
realize a fun fact. "Funny. This is the place we had our first kiss."

"It was my first kiss. It was special." Joe smiled.

"You punched me in the face, how could it not be special?"

Joe laughed. He was glad he did. It could mask the torment that was
bubbling up. Everything was resolved now, even if it was to a bitter
ending.

"You want to hang out as usual?" Joe asked. Sam only gave him 'are you
serious?' look. "Forget I said that."

"No worries. I'm heading back to that bar anyway. I need to go back to my
old hobby, chasing free holes." They laughed again.

"Yeah, you haven't done that in a long time." Joe nodded. "Good night,
Sam." Joe smiled.

"Goodbye, Joseph." Sam smiled back. He kissed Joe on the forehead for the
longest time. He turned around and left.

Goodbye was an austere word, one that was used at the most appropriate
time. There were no longer reasons for Sam to pursue Joe's heart. After a
long chase, it ended nowhere. Sam was certain about everything now. He had
let Joe go. He was dead sure that there was no hope for him. However, Joe
wasn't. Even after that kiss, he was still unsure. He hadn't made his
choice but Sam had. He took too much time but Sam had exhausted his. There
was no do-over, even if in the future Joe figured out that Sam was the
one. Joe could only let it go as well.


***


It was late, almost midnight. Tom, Alice and Nick were pretty tired from
all the decorating they did throughout the day. Amy and Joe had left hours
ago. It was still a couple of weeks to go but to Alice they have delayed it
for too long. Her idea was to start decorating right after
Thanksgiving. None was too ecstatic about the idea. So she delayed it for
another week, dragging everyone she could find to help.  That's Alice for
you; an overzealous tyrant that loved to light up the season.

"Can we talk?" Tom asked her.

Tom never asked if he could talk with Alice; he just did. So why ask? "Is
anything wrong?"

"No, not really," he said. "Well, maybe. I'm not too sure."

They took a seat on the dining chair. Tom leaned back and looked towards
the fridge without the desire to eat or drink anything. His mind was not
there. He trailed off to the events of the past and he would smile. He did
that for a mere ten seconds and Alice lost her patience. "What is it Tom?
You're acting weird. Really, really weird."

"I don't know how to say this. I'm not even sure if it's real." He smiled
again, agitated. The paper napkin on the dining table became a victim of
his nerves.

"Please, just tell me."

"It's uh... You love chicken burgers right?" Tom inexplicably said.

"Yeah?" She was beyond confused.

"Imagine you've loved chicken burgers your whole life. You don't even
consider eating any other burger.  Then one day you saw this particular
beef burger, and it looked so damn delicious. You don't know if it is
delicious. You don't even know why you even think that you want
it. Because, you know, chicken burger has been your whole life. When this
particular beef burger comes along, you just can't resist it, because this
burger is just..."

"What is your point, Tom?" Alice cut him short, feeling overwhelmed by the
food metaphor.

"Alicia..." Oh, no, he hasn't used her actual first name for a long time.

"Yes, Thomas?" She grew worried.

"I think I'm gay," he concluded.

In a state of surprise she froze. Well, not quite. She moved his head
slowly sideways and gave him a side-eye of disbelief. "What?" she asked.

"I said I'm gay. Well, technically I'm bisexual since I enjoy sex with
women as well, but of course technicality wouldn't matter at this point
because I just told..."

"Tom!" Alice cut his uncontrollable yapping. She understood that Tom was
nervous but she was nervous too. "I need to wake Nick up." She rose from
her seat, ready to bolt.

"No, please! He'll blow it out of proportion," he begged.

"I have to tell him. This is too big. You know I tell him everything."

"Please. Just for a while, at least until I can sort this out," he pleaded
again.

She sat down again. This time it was her mind that was reeling. This is
Tom. One of the most 'straight' men she knew. She remembered how she first
met him. They were in college, studying for different majors, living in
different places. Their roommates hooked up. So they met once in a
while. That is until both Tom and Alice couldn't handle their constant
lovemaking. They all decided to switch places. Tom's roommate move in with
his girlfriend, and Alice moved in with Tom, in the most platonic sense
ever. She remembered how they became closer and closer, becoming the best
of friends. She vividly remembered the not-so-many women he managed to
woo. This Tom could not be anything but straight.

"What makes you think so? How long have you felt this way?" she asked.

"Only for a few months. At first I thought it was nothing; that I was just
being silly and it will go away.  Somehow it never left. It just grew
stronger."

"Do you like someone in particular?"

Of course it had to come down to that question. "I'm afraid I do."

"Who is he?" She asked point blank.

Tom squirmed to that question. He blushed heavily that it looked obvious
even in the dim room. "It's Joe."

"JOE? JOSEPH BECKER FROM OUR OFFICE?" Alice was shrieking. Tom had to shush
her down, afraid she might wake Nick up.

"Calm down, for God's sake! Yeah, it's that Joe." He closed his eyes and
took a deep breath, gathering all the courage to narrate the impending
chronology which he knew Alice demanded. "It started on his birthday. Maybe
even before that. We almost always took the train home together. He and I
talked a lot and we got closer. I didn't start to feel, or maybe start to
distinctively feel it until his birthday party. He was so happy and somehow
I felt happy seeing him that way. It's corny but it's true." He
smiled. "When he was sick last month, I was so worried. I never felt that
way to anyone before. I just had to see him and take care of him somehow. I
also never did that to anyone before; not to anyone I've dated, not to you,
not even to my brother and sister. Then Thanksgiving..." he trailed off.

"What about Thanksgiving?"

Tom cleared his throat, not really sure how to say it. "I think I realized
that I'm attracted to him that day.  He gelled really well with my
family. He was having fun and all. I loved seeing him that way. Then he
opened up to me, really opened up. He told me about his feeling of
loneliness, and about his coming out to his family too. The coming out was
horrible for him. At that moment all I wanted was to always be there for
him, with him. Am I making sense?"

"Um... yeah," she said. Alice was still processing it, trying to find the
loophole. She tried to make it logical for her. "Do you feel
it... sexually?" she asked.

Tom paused again. Oh God, he was going to tell everything to
Alice. "Yeah. The first soccer game, in the shower... I saw him naked." He
looked at Alice who seemed to be waiting for a longer answer. "What?  Do
you want the details of what I want to do with him?"

"No! God! Please, don't."

Tom laughed a hearty laugh at the reaction. This man is too endearing to
hate, she thought. Actually, a little bit too nice that sometimes you can't
help but hate him. Alice didn't hate him, she loved him.  There was only
one Tom in this world and she cherished her relationship with him. She
cherished him.

She stood up and walked towards him, then sat on his lap and pulled him to
a tight embrace. He hugged her back, silently, wrapping those big arms
around her athletic figure. They stayed that way for almost a minute before
Alice had a funny thought. "Don't you feel aroused when I press my boobs on
you like this?"

"I said I'm bisexual," he said lightly, kind of glad that he could still
interact, or to be exact, fool around with his best friend that way.

"So you're saying you're aroused?"

"Are you sick?! You're like my sister," he said defensively.

She stood up and strode to the kitchen. "Joe is like your brother. Who's
sick now?" He threw her with a crumpled paper towel, she ducked
laughing. "You look hungry. I think you would love some beef burger." He
threw another one; she dodged it again, laughing again.

He decided joined her, preparing their late night supper. No, they don't
have the ingredients for beef burger, but they had a frozen Thanksgiving
turkey that they hoped was still edible. Thank God for microwave, the
mother of all invention. What would he do if Alice wasn't around? Tom may
be the good old big brother, but he needed a guide himself. Alice was
his. It's been too long since they had a deep discussion. Sometimes he just
missed it, talking to her.

"Are you going to tell him?" She was still preparing the garnish for their
turkey sandwich next to Tom, who was punching the toggles on the microwave.

"I don't know. I don't want to ruin this. I shouldn't tell you this but he
told me he used to have a crush on me."

"He did?" She asked surprised.

"Yes, he did, but I think he doesn't like me that way anymore. Things might
get weird if I tell him. He has never been in any relationship, and on top
of that he's a virgin. I'm newly gay; I don't know shit about any of
this. Then there's Sam. He's Joe's first kiss, Joe's almost first sex. They
seemed really close and I can tell that he likes Joe too. Maybe Joe even
likes him back. Maybe he wants to be with him. I don't want to get in their
way. He deserves to be happy. I want him to be happy."

"They're not together, right?"

"Nope."

"Then you have a chance," she said. Tom's reaction was not one that Alice
liked. Confused and frustrated, like a battered puppy in a new home. She
looked at him for a mere second and she could already see what was going
on. "You're in love with him, aren't you?"

He sighed. "I think I am." Ah, love. What other force would drive a man to
a crossroad and took him the road less expected?

The microwave beeped and they were ready for their late supper. They took a
seat back in the dining area after fixing themselves their own
beverages. It was coke for Tom and bottled water for Alice. She was always
that fancy.

"Tom," She called with her mouth full. She drank a gulp just so that her
words are decipherable. "Please, please for the love of God, tell him. At
least just let me talk to Nick about this."

"It's going to take time. I told you I can't just say it. Besides, I'll
need a lot of guts to tell him."

"Oh you old chicken shit," she sighed. "How hard can it be? He's already
gay. You're already good friends. It's just moving it up a notch," she
reasoned.

"Exactly his relationship with Sam," he said.

"The difference is, honey, he never liked this Sam guy the way he once
liked you. It means he saw something in you. He probably just stopped
because you're straight."

"Were," he corrected.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Alice kept the quiet linger. Tom's face was still
tense. His inner debate was silently too loud. It was also clear that Tom
wanted to confess his adoration to Joe. "I think around the end of next
month would be perfect," she broke the ice.

"What? Why?"

"You don't want to ruin anyone's holiday if it failed. This month we have
Christmas, New Year is the week after, and then there's Valentine's Day on
mid-February. There's your birthday at the end of February, so you don't
want to ruin it too. Beyond that, I don't think I can handle keeping the
secret from Nick."

"Why not just at Valentine's Day? I could go all romantic, right?"

She slapped his forehead. "Which part of not ruining someone's holiday
don't you understand?"

"Valentine's day is not even a holiday! Why am I agreeing to this?" Tom
himself didn't know how he succumbed to Alice's manipulation. Having said
that, in his mind Tom could imagine a thoroughly romantic Valentine's Day
dinner where he would impress and woo Joe to his plea of love. It would
involve him cooking, candle light dinner, lots of flowers, and holding
hands. It was so cheesy, so cheesy that Tom himself blushed profusely. Who
would have thought that there's a sappy romantic side behind such brute of
a man?

___ There you go guys, a twist. Well, not really. I suspect most of you
have seen it coming. I hope you don't mind (because I've written several
chapters after this and I'm not changing the plot line). Anyway, I know
you're concerned about Sam and it seems like he's constantly hurting. I
don't enjoy it either. But this is where the story goes right now, sadly.

As usual, I'd like to thank my editor Arleen for being so awesome. I want
to thank you guys for your emails and stuff. If you want to send me a
message you can do so by typing robxglass@gmail.com at your "to:" bar,
write the subject, and write the message down, then press "send" button. Of
course you can do it in any other order as long as the press "send" button
is the last thing on the sequence. You can also visit my tumblr at
manlyneeds.tumblr.com; there you can also send me a message.

Cheers!