Date: Mon, 21 Apr 2003 14:11:31 -0700 (PDT)
From: JMH <trandar2002@yahoo.com>
Subject: The Watch/The Watch 10
Well folks we have finally arrived at the end. Whom Robert ends up
with and will he ever have the family he always wanted are all answered
here. I hope you enjoy and tell me what you think.
Again, this is a story about gay relationships so 1. if you are
breaking the law, underage, or just hate gay stuff don't read any further.
The World Wide Web is a big place so you can find something else. 2. The
story is not based on any real person place thing, or another person's
idea. So any similarities are pure chance. 3. Since this story is of my
own creation, I have the copyright to it. No other postings, except at
nifty, are allowed. Nor is the selling of the story to others permitted.
Any questions about the above, please write.
Enjoy
JMH
trandar2002@yahoo.com
****************************************
Robert wasn't looking forward to visitors. He was happy being by
himself in a deep depression. Why did Josh have to end his martyred
solitude by bringing his old college buddy and Patrick here. He had just
built a nice rut for himself and he wasn't going to let those two ruin it
for him.
On the morning of their arrival, Robert looked at himself in the
bathroom mirror. He hadn't shaved in over a month and not even showered in
three days. The house was littered with twice worn cloths and take out
containers. The presence of a few flies on the mirror just added to the
reeking atmosphere that Robert had allowed to envelop his now very small
world.
This was a major change for the well manicured neat freak he had
always been but without Josh, none of it seemed to matter anymore. It was
in a way quite liberating not to have to worry about his appearance.
Robert sighed as he continued to stare at the mirror. He knew he
should clean himself and the house up before Patrick and Mike arrived but
he couldn't get himself moving. "If they want to interfere in my life,
they'll have to just take me as I am." he mumbled to himself as he left
the bathroom.
Not wanting to be disturbed from his mopping Robert unlocked the
front door and returned to bed, covering himself with the sheets. He
remained there for several hours until he heard a knock on the door. Then
he halfway got out of bed but then gave up and covered his head with a
pillow. The knocking became more insistent followed by shouting.
"Just open the damn door." Robert moaned, wishing they would just go
away.
As if by magic, both the knocking and the shouting went away all by
once. Robert sighed in relief but instead of hearing a car drive off, he
was startled out of bed by the smashing of glass.
"What the hell is going on here?" Robert shouted as he draped a
sheet over his nude body.
Unlocking the sliding doors was a mad Mike and a nervous Patrick.
"Why did you not fucking open the door?" Mike shouted as he slid the door
open.
"It was already unlocked!" Robert returned, his hackles raised by
having this stranger bust into his house.
"Well how in hell were we suppose to know that!" Mike returned as he got
into Robert's face.
The two men stared each other down ready to fling fists at another
instigation. Robert was mad that his solitude was broken. Mike was angry
that this unshaven bum did not have the decency to meet them at the door
let alone clean himself and the house up.
Patrick, seeing that a fight was about to break out put a hand on
Mike's shoulder to try to calm him. Mike turned his beet red face to
Patrick, saw his concern and relaxed."
"You're lucky you're face is so cute or I might of hit you right
now."
Patrick blushed on hearing Mike's remark. During the preparations
and the flight here, Mike flirted with him unabashedly. For both of them
it had been lust at first sight but both had held back so far. Mike held
back because he didn't want to take advantage of his old friend's half
brother while Patrick was still nervous about become over attached as he
had with Andrew but both knew what they wanted and it was each other.
As the two love birds continued to stare at each other Robert
continued to glower. These two were suppose to help him feel better? They
were in love; Robert could see it written across their faces. Robert
wanted to forget his lost love but with these two around it would be
impossible. Seeing that they had completely forgotten him Robert went back
to his bed and hoped they would just ignore him and leave.
That was hard to do. After an hour Robert could here the vacuum
running and the clinking of beer bottles as they were tossed into a bag.
Later Patrick came into the bedroom, a little bow legged , and began to
pick up the dirty cloths scattered about. Once the room was in some order,
Mike came in with the medical equipment which was mostly a pump and IV
drip. He looked down upon the sorry state Robert was in. Patrick handed
Mike an alcohol swab to sterilize the back of Robert's right arm. Mike
asked Robert to get out of the bed but Robert only grunted. This caused
Mike to throw the swab on to the ground.
"He's not worth it!" Mike fumed.
"But Mike..." Patrick tried to say.
"Look at him Patrick... He's a bum who doesn't care how much he hurts
those who try to be his friend. Why should we bother to save a man who
won't even care?" Mike interrupted before turning his attention back on
Robert. "You probably never loved Josh in the first place."
This triggered a reaction. Robert made to punch Mike in the gut but
Mike was ready for it. He shifted to his side, letting the fist move past
him before grabbing the arm and pulling it behind Robert's back. He then
used his other arm to put Robert into a headlock. Robert tried to struggle
for a while but with his air flow greatly cut off he was forced to relax.
"I told you I could get him moving." Mike told a stressed out
Patrick with a deep chuckle. "Now are you going to behave Mr. Townsend?"
Mike asked Robert.
Robert, barley able to breath let alone move just kept still.
"I'll take that as a yes. Now... this is what we are going to do.
I'm going to release you but as soon as I do I want you to move that ass of
yours to the bathroom and clean yourself up. I mean soap, shampoo,
toothpaste, shaving cream... the works! Patrick is going to inspect you
and will send you back if you come out of there still smelling like a dead
summer pig. After that, I'm going to give you a physical and discuss how
the treatment is going to work. It's going to take six weeks and I would
rather not have to sedate you just to get you through it but so help
me... if you keep on acting like a jackass I'll chokehold you till you pass
out. ...Now get in there and come out at least half a man." Mike finished
before releasing Robert.
Robert gave the larger man a deadly stare but slowly made his way to
the bathroom. Mike sighed and began removing the bed sheets after he heard
the door lock. "I hate doing that..."
"You do! You had me fooled." Patrick said surprised
"Hey, I might appear tough but I'm a real softy on the inside. When
I was in the closet I hid under the mask of a bully. It fooled everyone
except Josh. Probably why I love the guy so much and willing to put up
with Robert's shit."
"He wasn't always like this."
"I agree. He couldn't have always been like this or else he would
already be dead. I purposely pissed him off just to see if he still cared
for anything. Know Josh as I do if anything could get a rise out of Robert
it would to say he never loved him."
"It was a cruel thing to do."
"That's why I said I hated doing this. In my line of work I run
across a lot of patients who have given up on life. Drugs alone won't save
them; they have to want to live. Josh will never become Robert's partner
but Robert's love of him can still be a reason to live."
"So you do care!" Patrick smiled as he hugged Mike.
"Of course I do cutie. My Josh loves this guy... I have to care."
*******************************************************************************
While Mike and Patrick worked to get Robert's house in order, Josh
got a call from Terry he had always dreaded. His adoptive father was dying
and his adoptive mother wanted him to come back to the farm.
After leaving the farm for college, Josh had never looked back or
even talked to the two people who adopted him. Josh had bitter memories of
those years as the two tried to mold him to replace the son that died even
going to the effort of changing his name to Fredrick. To reinforce it they
had all of his cloths stitched with Fred's name on it. Josh was a
good-natured person but he hated the two who raised him. They were never
cruel to him but their insistence that he be someone he was not had given
him a pretty miserable childhood.
"What do they want from me?" Josh said coldly when he got the call.
"He wants to say goodbye to you before he dies." Terry said in a
sympathetic tone.
"But I already said goodbye to him... to both of them."
"I know Josh... but he's an old dying man. ...Can't you give him some
peace before he dies?"
"You just had to phrase it like that." Josh said bitterly.
"It's the truth though."
"I know... It'll take me two days to finish up things here but I'll
go."
"Do you want me to come with you?" Terry asked.
"Yes... that'll really help."
"... What about Andrew?"
"As far as I'm aware they don't know and I see no reason for them to
know." Josh said bitterly.
"I think Andrew can give you more support then I can... and I think
he needs to know about your past."
"... I don't like talking about it."
"I know but you said you want Andrew to understand you better... this
might be your best chance."
"...All right... I'll talk with him and see what he thinks."
"Ok Josh... I'll go out ahead of you and meet you there."
"Thanks Terry."
"Bye Josh."
*******************************************************************************
After Terry had hung up, Josh became lost in his thoughts. He had
tried to run away from his childhood for years. He and so much resentment
built up and instead of dealing with it he had buried it. The first day he
had arrived at the farm he was excited, everything was new and his hopes in
finding a new friends and family were top on his mind. Mr. And Mrs. Yates,
the couple that adopted him, doted on him during the drive. It was after
the first week that the couple began calling him Fredrick. At first, Josh
had not understood whom they were referring to but when he would not
respond to the name Mr. Yates would become angry. It was also after the
first weeks that Josh's person items began to disappear. He would ask his
new parents what was happening to them but they would only say that his
room was too messy and he would find them when he cleaned it. He almost
never did. The only personal item he ever found was his brother's baseball
glove. It was on top of a pile of trash in the back of the family truck.
Seeing it, Josh retrieved it and snuck in back into his room where he hid
it under the mattress. It left a large bump and made sleeping
uncomfortable but Josh didn't know where else to conceal his last link to
his old family.
Late at night Josh would take out the glove and hold it, thinking
about his dead parents, brother, and Robert, wishing Robert would come and
save him. He was always careful to hide it before falling sleep.
After the first year, Josh asked if he could join the youth baseball
team. It was then that Josh was finally was told why the Yates called him
Fredrick. It turned out that Fredrick was the name of their deceased son.
He had died when chasing after an errant baseball when a car struck him.
They said Josh could play any sport but NOT baseball. Josh was also then
told that his name had been legally changed to Fredrick Yates.
Josh reacted badly to the news. He insisted that they call him Josh
but they were unrelenting. They gave him a choice of punishments, be
spanked with a belt or to write his new name several hundred times before
bed time. Josh, afraid, picked writing the new name.
So for the next six months Josh wrote "My name is Fredrick Yates" two
hundred times every night, double if he didn't respond to Fredrick or wrote
his old name on his homework assignments. Soon responding to Fredrick
seemed natural but every night Josh would reach under his bed and hug his
brother's baseball glove.
He must have been very tired that night but just once he forgot to
put the glove away. In the morning when he was waken by the opening of his
door Josh suddenly realized that he was still holding the glove. He
quickly rolled over so that the glove was under him hoping to hide it.
Mrs. Yates, just as she had done every morning came in to wake her
"Fredrick". "Time to get ready for school Freddy."
"All right." Josh responded, not moving an inch.
"Well get out of bed, I need to change your sheets."
Josh panicked, if he got out of bed while Mrs. Yates was still in the
room she would see the glove. He had to say something to get rid of her.
"I think I'm sick. Can you bring the thermometer?"
"Sick, you don't sound sick. Let me feel your forehead." Hi
adoptive mother said with arched eyebrows as she sat down on the bed. "Now
turn over."
Josh could feel her hands wrap around him to roll him over but Josh
fought her attempt, wrapping himself into a ball around the glove."
"What do you think you're doing? Stop fighting me!" She said as she
gave Josh a whack on the butt.
The stinging blow caused Josh to give up and relax. He let her turn
him over, revealing the glove underneath him.
"Where did you get that?" She demanded as she took the glove from
Josh. "Did you steal this?"
"No, its mine."
"I don't like it when you lie to me and do you know how I know you
are lying to me... the glove has another boy's name on it. I don't know
who this Nathan boy is but I bet he's looking for his glove. Now tell me
the truth!"
"It's mine. My brother gave it to me. You were going to throw it
away so I took it back."
"What are you talking about... you don't have a..." She started but
suddenly realized whom Josh was referring to. "Well Fredrick, you should
not of hidden this from us. I'm afraid I'm going to have to take the glove
away as punishment AND I never want to hear about this AGAIN." Mrs. Yates
said as she ran out of the room crying.
That was the last time Josh saw his glove and for two more weeks they
had him do his lines until bedtime regardless of how many he did. Josh
never forgave them.
************************************************************************************
Robert hoped that all that would be required of him would be to lay
in bed and let the drugs work but Mike had different plans. Mike woke him
up before dawn holding a collar and leash and a giant grin on his face.
"Sorry... I'm not into kink." Robert said in seeing Mike.
"Oh this is not for sex. I'm hear to take you for your morning run."
"Do I look like a dog?"
"Well you have acted like a bitch since I've come here... so if the
collar fits...."
"I'm not going to wear a collar and I'm not going running."
"You will go running... the collar is only if you make me fight you
for it."
"So if I go willingly..." Robert asked.
"No collar." Mike returned as he hovered over Robert trying to look
menacing.
"Sigh. Alright I'll get out of bed."
"Good. I'll give you three minutes to get ready or else I'll come in
with the collar." Mike called back as he left the room.
"What... how about a rolling start?"
"No time for it!" Mike shouted from behind the closed door.
Robert grunted and got out of bed, hurrying to a dressing room
connected to his closet. He striped off his boxers and quickly put on a
pair of running shorts, forgetting about his underwear. He pulled out a
white tank top a pair of crew socks, and running shoes before heading out
into the living room where Mike was waiting for him.
"Rats... you made it. I now owe Patrick ten bucks. I guess I'll
have to take it out of your ass."
"What are you... some sadist and does Patrick and Josh know about
this streak in you?" Robert huffed, catching his breath.
"I wouldn't call me a sadist, I'm more of a motivator. With Josh and
Patrick, just kindness works."
"Why not use kindness with me then!" Robert complained.
"Hahaha, who are you fooling Robert. If I treat you with kid's
gloves you would walk all over me. You're a player and all a player
responds to is fear."
"I wouldn't say that." Robert defended himself.
"I would. You reek of fear. You were afraid of a committed
relationship and see where it got you."
"Fuck you!" Robert shouted.
"Good, I got you angry. Now see if you can catch me." Mike grinned
as he ran out the door.
Robert grunted as began chasing after his tormentor. They started on
the roads but soon were heading up the hill. The pace Mike set was
grueling, almost a sprint so by the time Robert reached the top, he had to
stop and catch his breath.
"You did better then I thought you would do." Mike complimented.
"I didn't think a big guy like yourself could move so fast." Robert
returned the compliment.
"I played basketball in college, cause of my size I could usually
push my way to the basket." Mike explained.
"I can see that."
"Can I ask you a question? If you get well, what will you do?"
"I don't know... go back to work I guess. It would be better then
staying here and wishing my life would end."
"I guessed that part. The question I'm trying to get answered is
what are you going to do relationship wise."
"Try to get Josh back." Robert said matter of fact fashion.
"You really love him."
"Yes Mike... I do." Robert answered, using Mike's name for the first
time.
"Then out of love can I ask you not to."
"Not to what?"
"Love him... at least in a romantic sense."
"How can you ask me that? You don't understand."
"Yes I do Robert, more then you have guessed."
"You are in love with Josh?"
"I was in love with him. I still love him greatly as a friend but
back in those days I was a player like yourself. Could I of convinced Josh
to sleep with me...maybe, but it would have been a mistake."
"How so."
"We have a lot in common. We are self-confident, protective, and
PRICKS when it comes to relationships. Josh loves our self-confidence
since he feels he lacks it. He has a need to feel protected I think due to
the way he loss his family but what he doesn't need is some prick messing
up his life."
"..." Robert remained silent.
"I was a prick but Josh still loved me making me love him even more. You
fooled around on Josh and he still loves you. That sort of love makes him
precious to people like you and me."
"I don't see your point."
"The point is that for at least men like us, men that fool around
with anything with a human dick.... we are looking for acceptance but feel
we don't deserve it. So when we come across a man like Josh, we think
we've finally found acceptance but the problem is that feeling accepted
does not come from another person... it comes from yourself. Trying to get
back Josh will not solve your own problems. It will only make things
worse."
Robert knew what Mike had just said was true and it unsettled him.
He sat himself down and began to cry. He cried out of loneliness. He
cried because he was giving up Josh. He cried because after all the years
of trying to find love, he had never learned to love himself.
After a while, Mike sat down next to Robert and wrapped him in his
arms, rocking him as if he were trying to comfort a child. When Robert has
settled down Mike finally spoke. "It is usually after I give this speech
that I fuck the guy silly to help him feel better but from what I've been
told you're a top only." Mike chuckled to help lighten the mood.
"I could always fuck you." Robert said with raised eyebrows.
"Not until you're well, you're not." Mike said, reminding Robert
while Mike came here in the first place.
"Oh... right." Robert replied.
"Which reminds me, I need to go over the side effects you're going to
experience."
"Hit me doc."
"Well you will feel very nauseated but the big problem will be when
we take you off the antibiotics. This stuff will nearly wipeout all the
healthy bacteria in your intestines. While it grows back you will have a
bad case of the runs to the point where you might experience dehydration.
You will also need to be on a weaker, oral antibiotic so that infections of
opportunity will not have a chance to grow until the good bacteria are
there to prevent it."
"So how long will it take?"
"Six weeks of treatment and two in recovery."
"Dang."
But when it's done... you're cured. You can go back on the prowl
again and not worry about infecting anyone..."
"I sense an "or" at that end of that statement."
"Or... you can start a journey of self exploration to find out what makes
you happy and how to be comfortable with it." Mike suggested.
"Oh wise master, what choices you give me." Robert jokingly mocked.
"Look, I'm not telling you to go off to some Hindu temple and find
yourself. Just see it as a chance to look back, and see how it will fit
when you look forward."
"Still sounds hokey."
"Well it might but what have you got to lose."
******************************************************************
Josh wondered what in the world he would gain by returning to the
farm... nothing as far as he was able to guess. Terry hoped that by saying
goodbye to them Josh could close that part of his life finally and not have
it weigh on his shoulders.
As Andrew and he drove down the farm road Josh looked to see if things had
changed any. Some farms were gone, others just had the paint faded a few
more shades. A small handful looked as if hey had expanded, taking over
their less fortunate neighbors. While the air smelled the same, things
were slowly changing this land as private farms made way for larger
corporate ones. It panged Josh's heart that this changed did not seem to
affect him. He would of thought that watching his old neighbors disappear
would of made him sad but instead he felt indifferent and that troubled
him. Had he let his memories of this place remove his ability to show
empathy? He had hated this place. Maybe he had hated it too much. Guilt
began to grow within him as he began to have doubts.
His adoptive parents had been wrong to try to raise him as their dead son
but why had Josh not found happiness somewhere else. Terry was proof that
the people living in the farm community were good people mostly but Josh
had closed his heart to most of them. He had not let their acts of
kindness change his view that this place was a terrible. He must have
appeared standoffish in this relaxed environment. Instead of trying to get
to know the people he had let his excuse that he was too shy be his mantra
on why he had few friends. Terry was right... this trip was going to be an
eye opener.
"Doing ok Josh?" Andrew asked concerned.
"What?" Josh said, shaken out of his thoughts suddenly aware of a constant
bumping sound as the car road along the medium. Josh quickly swerved the
car back into its lane, causing the luggage to fall over. "Sorry..."
"It's ok babe. I know you must have a lot on your mind."
"Just nervous is all."
' And..." Andrew elbowed him.
"Feeling some regret as well."
"Over what?"
"The Yates... my adoptive parents... I really didn't treat them too well."
"That's understandable. From what you have told me they tried to raise you
as Fredrick. Yuck... I don't know if I could of fallen in love with a
Fredrick. Josh is so much more suited to you... and more cute too."
"Hey, I had to live with that name for almost a decade and you better get
use to it cause from what Terry tells me all the folk there still refer to
me by that name."
"Well I'm not going to call you by that name." Andrew said as he stomped
his foot down and was rewarded with a kiss.
"You better not!" Josh laughed.
"I knew I could lighten the mood." Andrew beamed with pride.
"That's why I brought you around... I think my mood will need a lot of
brightening on this trip.
"Whatever and whenever you need Josh... I'm here for ya."
"That's why I picked you," was Josh's mental response.
***********************************************
As they got close to the farm, Josh could see that all the neighboring
farmhouses were gone and at the entrance to one of them was a large sign
showing that the surrounding area was now part of a soy bean concern.
When they finally approached the main farmhouse, Josh saw that nothing had
changed. The house was painted bright blue with white trim, the windows
were each covered with sky blue drapes and the weather vane still showed a
red rooster on its top. The orange truck was gone and replaced by a green
one but that was it in regards to difference in the mental picture Josh
held of the place.
As they got out of the car, Terry came out the front door to greet them.
"Glad you came Josh... and you too Andrew. Doctor Lanier does not give him
much time."
Josh nodded his head and made his way into the house. Several people were
there, all of them people Josh recognized from the local community. Pastor
Simms waved his hand when he saw Josh and followed him into the bedroom.
What Josh saw shocked him, Mr. Yates looked like he had aged 30 years in
the ten years Josh had been gone. His hair, kept black with shoe polish
was now white and frizzled. The left side of his face hung loose on his
skull, sign of the stroke that was now killing him. But what disturbed
Josh the most was the vacant look in the man's eyes. Bob Yates had always
been a man of extremes. He was either very happy or very mad and one took
a risk in approaching him in not knowing which he was feeling. The way
Josh had been able to determine was by looking in his father's eyes. A
squint was a warning to stay away while a wide twinkle indicated that
something must have been tickling him funny. Now though, his eyes were
vacant... showing nothing.
Mrs. Yates, who was kneeing by the bed stood on seeing Josh. She walked up
to him and collapsed in his arms as she began to cry. For just a second,
Josh held back, but in the end he wrapped his arms around the old woman and
did his best to comfort her.
"What are we going to do Freddie?" The woman wept.
"..." Josh bit his tongue, now was not the time to get into that old
argument.
"How is he?"
"He's dying." Mrs. Yates said, almost offended
"How much time?" Josh asked Dr. Lanier.
"Anytime now. We took him off life support in the hospital so he could die
here. It was part of his living will."
"Alright." Josh nodded as he let go of his adoptive mother and approached
the bed.
As he knelt by the bed Josh first wanted to shout all the things he had
always wanted to tell his tormentor but seeing the man helpless and in a
vegetative state it was now pointless. Josh had waited too long to try to
make his peace with his adoptive father and it hurt. All the anger Josh
had stored up over the years no longer had a target and so it turned on
himself. His feelings of self-hate flared up again; the worse it had ever
been since he tried to take his life. Everyone one in the room was taken
by what looked like grief, everyone but three people, Mrs. Yates, Terry,
and Andrew.
It was Andrew, the stranger in the group who went up to Josh, knelt behind
him and hugged him, kissing him on the back of the neck. Don't worry
hun... I'm here with you."
There were some gasps and several people left the room on seeing another
man kiss the man they knew as Fredrick, including Mrs. Yates. In the end,
only four people were present when Mr. Yates died, Josh, Andrew, Terry, and
Dr. Lanier.
Josh stayed with the body several minutes after it had taken its last
breath but Andrew, hearing some of the comments coming from the next room,
wanted Josh out of here. Terry also was nervous, she had kept Josh's
secret about his sexuality and could hear her name mentioned often from the
kitchen.
Andrew lifted Josh up and together, with Terry, they made their way
out. Just as they reached the front door something hit Josh in the
face... it was a baseball glove.
"Bob wanted you to have it Josh." Mrs. Yates said venomously.
" You called my Josh..." he replied more stunned that she called him by
his real name then he was by the glove.
"You're not Fredrick... no son of mine can be a faggot."
"Well I guess that's why I never felt I was your son." Josh said darkly as
Andrew pushed him out the door.
As Andrew and Terry pushed Josh toward his car, Dr. Lanier came running
after them. "Fred... she doesn't mean it."
"My name is Josh and always has been Josh." He corrected the doctor.
"Sorry Josh... it's just that's how we knew you. Your real name... your
real sexuality... it's all a little much for us to take right now. ...What
I'm trying to say is don't abandon your mother when she really does need
you."
"I don't really see how." Josh said in an attempt to calm down and sound
reasonable.
"It's the farm Josh. You know how your mother is. She can't run this
place, no one will work for her. She'll end up having to sell unless..."
"Unless I move back here." Josh said in disbelief. "I do have a life... a
good life... So don't even think of trying to guilt trip me into moving
back here"
"I know... we've all been proud of you... a successful lawyer and all. But
don't you feel some debt to the community that raised you?"
"To be honest...no." Josh said matter of fact.
"Then you're willing to abandon your adoptive mother to some nursing home?"
"What do you want me to do?" Josh shouted in frustration.
"Well I think getting you to move here is out of the question now... could
you take Mrs. Yates into your home?"
"Well I don't know... I don't know if I want to be called a fag each time I
kiss my husband."
"I guess that is a sticking point." Dr. Lanier agreed.
"I could set her up in an apartment in Kansas City or where ever she wants
to live."
"That's not what she needs... she needs her family. Will you make her an
orphan?"
"... I can't deal with this right now." Josh finally replied.
"I'll take that not as a yes but not as a no as well." The doctor replied.
"That's the best I can do for now." Josh said as he opened the driver's
door.
"We'll talk later then... after the funeral. Where are you going to stay?"
"I was planning to head into Wichita."
"That's over an hour away... why don't you stay at my house... its only
twenty minutes from here."
Josh sighed; he could already tell the good doctor would not take no for an
answer and so just nodded his head. They waited for the doctor until after
the funeral director claimed the body.
**************************************************************************
Two days later Josh attended the funeral. He had first felt
uncomfortable, thinking his mother would cause a scene but Dr. Lanier
promised him that nothing of the sort would happen and in this he was
correct. Josh did receive a few dirty looks but that was the extent of it.
In hopes of keeping the peace, the sitting area for the family was
separated by a good six feet. Mrs. Yates sat by herself while Josh,
Andrew, and Terry sat as a group. The eulogy was nice and glossed over
some of Mr. Yates colorful traits. At the end of the ceremony Josh tossed
a handful of dirt into the grave. It was as if he was tossing away his
past. All now that was left was Mrs. Yates to deal with.
During his stay with the doc, Josh had learned that he was the sole
heir to the family farm. Mr. Yates hoped that by doing so he could bring
Josh back to the community he felt Josh belonged. Josh didn't want the
farm. He had never wanted the farm but he knew that he could not just give
it to his mother without leaving her with a double mortgage. It took some
phone calls but Josh did find a plan that would settle things with his
mother and leave him not feeling too guilty.
After returning to the doctor's house, changing his cloths and
packing his bags he drove alone back to the farm. Only the truck was
there, the doctor had arranged for people not to show up until after Josh
had this chance to talk to his mother.
The door, as always was unlocked but Josh knocked anyway, this wasn't
his home anymore so he didn't feel he could barge in. It took a few
minutes but the door finally opened.
"Mother." Josh greeted.
"I'm not your mother." Mrs. Yates responded coldly as she turn to
head back into the house, leaving the door open.
Josh took this as a sign to follow. He trailed after Mrs. Yates to
the living room where she sat down in on of the pair of lazy boys that
faced the television. She waved her hand at the other chair indicating she
wanted Josh to sit in what had been his father's chair, which had the
baseball glove on top of the armrest.
Josh hesitated for a second before sitting. In all his time on the
farm he had never dared to sit in his father's chair so when he did so,
there was an electric feel to it as if at any second the old man would walk
into the room and go at him.
"Are you here to kick me off your land?" Mrs. Yates asked once Josh
had gotten settled in.
"No but that's what I've come to talk o you about...." Josh
hesitated, not knowing how she was going to take it.
"Well..."
"I'm selling the farm so..."
"So you are kicking me out of my home!"
"No I'm not! Will you give me a chance to explain."
"Well explain then and be quick about it."
"Once the will reaches probate, the farm will be sold to the
neighboring soy bean producer but you'll still be allowed to live here."
"I don't see how that works if they own the land?"
"Its what's called a reverse mortgage. You'll receive monthly
payments and be allowed to live here while the company will pay off the
rest of the farm's debt and grow the crops. After you die, the rest of the
farm goes over to the company but until then you will be taken cared of."
"I still don't like selling this farm to outsiders. This land was to
be kept in the family."
"But there is no family left." Josh pressed the point. "The last of
the Yates died when father passed away."
"Do you have to keep reminding me that you're not our real son?" she
spat out.
"I was your son... just not the son you wanted me to be. That son
died but you never accepted that."
"I'm sorry Fred... Josh. I really am. You don't know how many times
I've been called an ass for the way I raised you... so much so I could be
the county's mascot."
"Hahaha, don't say that."
"Its true! But Josh... if you can not see to it to forgive me and
move back here then there's no point of me staying either. As I said I'm
the town jackass so it would not be like IO would be missed."
"Then where do you want to live?"
"I want to live near you. I finally want to see my grandson. I
can't say that I agree with your life style and I don't think it's healthy
for your boy but y'all are the only people I know."
"What about the farmhands?
"Those were your father's men. They never had a thing to do with me
and their wives of course hated me."
"I don't know if I want you around if that's the kind of attitude
you're going to have around my son."
"Well... I was just being frank. That's how I feel about you
homosexuals."
"I guess that's your problem cause I'm not going to make it mine or
my son's." Josh said, as he got ready to leave taking the glove with him.
"What am I going to do then?" She said, as she also got up, already
afraid of being alone.
"Stay here I guess. As long as you can't accept me for who I am
there is no place for you at my home." Josh said as he opened the front
door to get out.
"Wait please... give me a chance. I can't live here by myself."
"Alright... I'll give you a chance. In two weeks you can come a
visit for a weekend."
"Only a weekend...."
"Mother.... Don't press your luck."
"Alright, I'll come. Can I bring your son gifts?"
"No... not on this first visit. I'm not yet sure how I'm going to
introduce you yet."
"As his grandma of course."
"..."
"Well, I guess I'll have to be on my best behavior then and try to
earn your trust."
"Yes... I think that would be a good idea. Bye."
"Bye Josh." She waved as he drove off and before she returned to her
empty house.
*************************************************************
When Josh got home he found a man sleeping on his doorstep. He was
around his height of 5'6", had blond hair, and had a worried expression on
his face. He looked strangely familiar. "Can I help you?" Josh asked
while Andrew was removing the luggage from the car.
"Oh... Josh it's you. I don't know if you remember me... I'm Dan.
We ran into each other at Robert's apartment."
"Yes... now I remember you. Can I help you?"
"I was hoping so. I'm looking for Robert."
"Well... that's a long story. Why don't you come in and we can talk
about it." Josh said, offering a hand to Dan.
"Thanks." Dan said as he took the hand and was lifted up and followed
Josh into the house.
"So how long have you known Robert?" Josh asked as he poured Dan an
ice tea.
"Two and a half years... he probably never talked about me to you
though."
"Well you know Robert... he never likes talking about his past."
Josh smiled, knowing the same applied to himself.
"I know what you must me thinking."
"What's that?
"That I was just one of his tricks."
"If you were JUST one of his tricks then you wouldn't be here right
now." Josh replied
"I guess that's true." Dan agreed. "I guess that I was the next
best thing when he couldn't have you."
"I see." Josh said with raised eyebrows.
"Robert didn't treat me like his usual tricks... a straight pick up
to bed and out the door. Instead we went on what I liked to call dates.
We would go out to the movies, dinner, or dancing before getting into the
sex. He would call me Josh while we did it but I felt some part of him
must have loved me."
"I think some part of him must of indeed. You reminded Robert of one
of his happy memories. Robert might have blinded himself on focusing on me
but it was YOU that made him happy. You see... what Robert loved most
about me was his memory of me and like all memories it can become distorted
by time. This does not mean that Robert's love of me is wrong or
misplaced. He does love me and I love him and always will. With
Andrew... we had developed a friendship before we fell in love. There was
no idol worship between us so there was less fear of disappointing each
other.
"I wish Robert could have realized what I felt for him." Dan said
sullenly.
"You might still have the chance." Josh said optimistically.
"Do you know where he is? Can I write to him?"
"I think I can do better then that." Josh grinned.
******************************************************
Robert had been tempted to move his bed into the bathroom since he
had to run to the toilet so often either to throw up or because of
diarrhea. In the end Mike decided that it might be better if Robert was
fed fluids by IV for at least the two weeks he would spend in recovery but
it would add another week to get Robert back to eating normal food.
It was hard to keep his spirit up especially with Mike and Patrick
spending the time they were not taking care of him exploring one another.
He glumly tried to rack up a bill he was going to charge the two of them
for the damage they were doing by banging the beds against the wall. He
wished he had a bedpan to throw at them when they started making out in
front of him while they were changing the IV bag. He couldn't tell if this
was another of Mike's mind games, them having sex when he couldn't. If it
was it was working. He never knew how annoying sex could be...especially
if he was not in on it.
Robert was also concerned about his appearance. He had lost 13
pounds already and he knew that it was not all fat. Muscle was also being
sacrificed by his strict diet and lack of physical activity. He pinched
the loose skin where his abs had once stood out, trying to relive what
seemed like the distant past.
"It won't help." Patrick's voice came in as he entered the room and
saw what Robert was doing.
"Y'all did this to me."
"What... us... I don't think so."
"Well when will I be able to get disconnected from this IV and start
working out and eating again."
"Well if you want to live on the toilet, go ahead and eat, but you
still have another week before Mike said your intestines can take it
again."
"Can I at least work out?"
"I'm surprised you have the energy to think you can. I showed you
some of the bed exercises you could do. I tell you what, if you can out
race me to the end of the hall, I'll let you into the weight room."
Patrick said with a knowing smile.
Robert almost was willing to take up that challenge if it wasn't for
the fact that Mike had challenged him to the same thing last week, which
resulted in Robert passing out from weakness. Patrick was in no way as
strong as Mike and Mike was away on business so if he tried this time, he
would most likely be left on the floor.
"Grrrr!" Robert growled in frustration.
"Hey Robert... I know it's hard for you but you only have one more
week left."
"Yeah, but what do I have to look forward to."
"The same things you have now... a family that loves you."
"I guess you haven't heard but I'm an orphan."
"Only in your mind you are." Patrick replied as he sat next to
Robert on the bed. "I never knew my biological family until I met Josh but
I had a family before him. The family that adopted me, my friends, Glenn,
Kyle, Mike, and even you are part of my family. A family is not just who
you are related to but also the people you feel connected with and trust."
"You trust me?" Robert said disbelieving.
"I trust that you are a good person deep inside, that you would do
anything for the people you love... your family."
"..."
"Robert from what I've noticed about you, you have always felt alone.
The truth is that you have never been really alone. You keep your distance
from people just so you can still say that you're alone. More people love
you then you know." Patrick finished and got up but not before leaving a
letter on Robert's chest.
Robert opened the letter and saw that it was a get well card. On the
cover was a teddy bear with a thermometer in its mouth while a butterfly
fanned it with a newspaper. Written in blue ink next to the bear was the
word "YOU". By the butterfly, in the same blue ink was the word "ME".
Still not knowing who the letter was from, Robert opened the card, skipped
the short note and went straight to the name... DAN.
Dan... the man who had been his only regular sex partner since his break up
with Lance... the man Robert would call Josh when they made love... the man
Robert hadn't even talked to since they ran into each other when Robert
first brought Josh to his apartment was writing him.
"Dear Robert,
I bet you're surprised to hear from little old me. I ran into Josh and I
asked about you. He had so much to tell that we made a lunch of it. I can
see why you love him. His eyes and voice radiate kindness. He told me you
were sick but getting treatment. I hope you are feeling better. He also
told me that you are no longer seeing each other. Knowing you Robert, this
must of hurt more then getting sick. I wish I could fly down to ya and
give you a hug cause I think you are in need of one now. I've always liked
you Robert, maybe more then I should of let myself. What I'm trying to ask
is...can there be an us... or am I just fooling myself. Please write back
even if it's to tell me to go fuck myself (mmmm... fun!). Love ya Rob.
Hugs
and Kisses
Dan
Robert couldn't help but smile. Even after all the things he had done Dan
still loved him. A whole new world of possibilities opened for him. Dan
had been his pseudo Josh for nearly three years. Maybe it was now time to
change that a let Dan become his Dan.
Robert looked around for something to write with but could only find a
dirty napkin and a dull pencil. "Patrick!" Robert called out when the
pencil torn up the napkin and broke.
"Yesssss!" Patrick called out slyly.
"I need to write a letter. Can you bring me a pen and some paper."
"I don't know... I'm pretty busy right now."
"Patrick!" Robert shouted, knowing that Patrick was teasing him.
"Sorry Robert, just too busy at the moment. I'll have to send someone else
to fetch it for you."
"Someone else. Who is here besides you and me?" Robert replied, quickly
loosing his temper.
"I am." A familiar blond face poked into the room.
"Dan!" Robert shouted in surprise, triggering a wail of laughter from
beyond the hall.
"I told you I wanted to fly over here and give you a hug."
"..." Robert remained silent, stunned.
Dan just smiled, walked over and delivered the promised hug. "There... now
that's out of the way. Why don't you tell me what you were planning to
write to me?"
"You're here." Robert finally was able to mouth.
"In the flesh. Now tell me what you were going to write to me." Dan
insisted as he nuzzled his nose against Robert's face.
"I....I..." Robert stuttered.
"Ok we have a noun... now just add a verb and some adjectives and we might
have a sentence." Dan teased. He finally had Robert where he wanted him
and he was enjoying every moment of it.
"I... liked your letter. I wanted to thank you for it."
"And..."
"It really lifted my spirits."
"Because..." Dan kept leading him.
"Because... how you ... how you feel about me means a lot to me."
"Because..." Dan said, wanting a more specific answer.
"BECAUSE I LIKE YOU! There, I said it."
Dan laughed and kissed Robert on the nose before he started jumping up and
down out of joy. Robert was taken aback on how three simple words seemed
to give Dan so much happiness. He was so taken by the glad expression on
Dan's face that Robert found himself smiling as well.
Once Dan calmed down he hopped back onto the bed and snuggled up to Robert.
The amount of peace and contentment Robert now felt being in Dan's arms
caused tears to form in the corner of his eyes. How could he have missed
Dan's feelings for him? How could he have missed his feelings for Dan?
Patrick had been right. Robert had worn his loneliness as if it were a
badge of honor. Even with Josh Robert had not let his insecurity go. He
had sabotaged his relationship with Josh but still people loved him. Dan
loved him. That night... for the first time since he and Josh slept
together for the last time... Robert held another in his arms and this time
he didn't feel alone.
***********************************************************************
Homecoming: One Month later
The family was now complete. Robert, now all better, had moved back home,
the home he still shared with Josh, Andrew and the kids. Nathan was
especially happy to have his uncle back. The first few days had been
stressful. Josh was nervous on how Robert would react while Andrew was
afraid that Josh would soon be back in Robert's bed but it turned out that
their fears were baseless. Josh and Robert had several long talks and
Robert was able to convince Josh that their relationship, while very
affectionate, would be platonic. Andrew remained nervous, that was until
Dan moved in. Seeing the joy in Robert's eyes removed all fear that Andrew
had that Robert was still a player.
Patrick too was moving back into the house but this time he was
bring his own bed partner, Mike. Mike finally decided to leave the field
for younger players. He was almost 30... Mike also found, after the first
few weeks of wild sex, that his relationship with Patrick was maturing to
the point where he found just holding Patrick in his arms was ALMOST as
pleasurable as making love.
Coming with Mike was the product of his own time spent as a gay man in a
straight marriage... his son David, who was one year older then Josh and
Greg. This of course left no room for Mrs. Yates, who after her visit
found that she just could not accept Josh's relationship with Andrew. So
back to the farm she went where she still was referred to as a jackass.
Glenn and Kyle used their great verbal skills to convince Terry to be a
surrogate mother for them. That part had been easy. What turned into a
real fight was WHO was going to be the daddy. Since under Kansas law only
the biological father could have legal status both men, in an attempt to be
kind, wanted the other to have the privilege. In the end Terry said she
didn't want her child to have premature gray hair, there by choosing Kyle
as the father.
It was not uncommon for Andrew to find Josh laying on top of Robert when he
came home and Josh caught Andrew many times holding Patrick. Even the kids
got into it as David took on the role of the older brother for Nathan and
Greg. Andrew, Josh, Robert, Mike, and Patrick all knew that they had
feelings for people other then each other. Josh would always be the little
brother Robert never had Andrew knew but he was no longer jealous. For
while Robert and Josh would always have a relationship that Andrew just
couldn't be a part of, where Robert was a brother... Andrew was Josh's
lover.
The group of orphans now found themselves a family and thereby orphans no
more. They now had each other: Josh with Andrew, Robert with Dan, Patrick
with Mike, and the kids with their fathers, uncles, and each other.
Together they would WATCH out for each other.
*****************************************
To be continued in "Circle the Noun" in the high school section