Date: Fri, 18 Aug 2006 00:01:04 -0400
From: amcterrapin@netscape.net
Subject: This old bar #4

Copyright 2006 by AMc. All rights reserved. This is a work of fiction; any
resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. The author
retains all rights to this work and you may not copy or transmit it in any
way except in it's entirety and with this disclaimer.


This Old Bar

Chapter Four


Joe stood naked at the window watching a steady rain outside. The day
looked as drab and gray as he felt. He bumped his injured hand as he
reached out to steady himself on achair and winced in pain. It reminded him
of a dream that woke him. It was his father again, this time his face
loomed over him while pressing down to the injured hand as hard as he
could, growling at Joe for breaking a valuable vase he had on the shelf
behind the bar. It came all the way from Italy with his mother. How could
you be so thoughtless, he thundered. Joe woke sweating and realized, as far
as he knew the vase was still at the old family bar in it's revered
place. The dream reminded him why he was here at Sam's.

"Ah shit, so much for a warming trend." he heard Sam say from the bed. He
turned to see him rubbing sleep out of his eyes and smile.

"Good morning handsome."Sam said cheerfully. Joe grimaced, he knew he
didn't look good.

"I'm not a morning person." he mumbled and looked out the window again
dreading the confrontation that was about to come.

He promised Dave he would deal with this and wished he hadn't. He rubbed
his hand and looked at Sam who regarded him silently with an intense
expression of anticipation.

"Joe we need to talk-" Sam began.

"I know." Joe said sharply and began to dress quickly, the impulse to flee
taking hold of him but his body refused to obey. He slowed his movements,
hoping Sam would say something to speed his retreat. He looked at Sam who
was also calmly dressing. Sam said nothing further while he made a pot of
coffee but his silence weighed on Joe as if he had been lectured. Sam
handed Joe a cup but took hold of his arm to stop him as he moved to sit
down.

"Joe why are you afraid of being openly gay?" he asked bluntly and Joe
shrank.

"I'm not afraid."  he protested his voice rising in volume. Sam looked at
him with barely concealed anger. Joe averted his gaze unable to meet the
disappointment in his face.

" Your father told you to keep your mouth shut but that was a long time
ago."  Sam pressed on trying to shake loose some of the burden of guilt.

"Yeah well he's an asshole, that's why I moved as far away as I could."
Joe bristled at the intrusion, he could feel himself being pushed closer to
the edge of the cliff.

"Why are you still letting him run your life?" Sam asked almost
incredulous.

"That's not it, it's not him." Joe realized Sam had it all wrong. Of course
he did, he couldn't possibly know the truth. He scratched at a phantom itch
on his right forearm.

"Does it have to do with your leaving baseball?" Sam asked and Joe gasped
as if he had been slapped. He understood what Dave had pushed him
into. That bastard he fumed, he wished he had never let Dave in on his
nightmare. Looking at Sam's demanding expression he knew there was no
escape. It was time, time to jump off the cliff and die or be free of the
terrible pain that held him.

"You do NOT want to go there." Joe said dangerously. Sam continued to watch
him with a firm but compassionate face as Joe paced the floor like a
frightened animal. Joe's breath came in short rapid gasps.

"Joe calm down." Sam said quietly. He had spent time on his uncle's ranch
long enough to know how to soothe a spooked horse. It had the desired
effect, Joe halted at the words and set his forgotten mug on the table.

He looked at Sam in a way he never had before. He seemed like a nice,
easygoing young man, polite and considerate. Joe now saw a ruthlessness he
never imagined. The kid had balls. Dave saw it too, that's why he must have
put Sam up to this. He'd get even with his old friend later, he thought,
his nostrils flaring with rage. Despite his anger Joe knew he did the right
thing.

He sat down on the couch in defeat, listening to the rain hitting the roof
in a soothing rhythm. He wished there was thunder and lightening but that
was rare in the northwest. He remembered them from his childhood, the smell
of ozone and the heaviness of humidity swept away by a good
thunderstorm. Everything looked clean and brand new. Joe took a deep breath
and stepped off the cliff.

" I love baseball, I love everything about it, the game, the sound of a bat
connecting with a ball, the rush of a double play and the crowds
excitement. Most of all I loved the camaraderie with the guys. That and the
tight pants." he joked, a smile briefly lit his face. Sam sat down on the
edge of the bed and listened.

"I was discovering my sexuality in the dark moments between ball games,
hiding as my father demanded. I longed to tell my buddies, my best friends,
but I knew they wouldn't-" he stopped, his throat suddenly tight. Sam got
him a glass of water then returned to the edge of the bed, his face
impassive.

"By accident Dave saw me leaving a gay bar and I was terrified I `d been
discovered but he was so cool about it. I think he found it- novel. I
figured if he was cool maybe the other team mates would be." Joe's face
clouded with heartache.

"I decided to come out to them one at a time, first to a guy named Tom. An
upright guy and a great player, real supportive and positive. He didn't say
a word when I told him, he just stared at me with a look of betrayal in his
eyes. I was scared shitless he would out me when he avoided me
afterwards. " Joe drained the glass of water in one gulp and put a
trembling hand to his head as he bowed in exhaustion at the memory. He
paused so long Sam was about to say something when Joe looked at him with
eyes brimming with tears.

"I didn't leave baseball. I was the pitcher and damn good. I was ready to
make the leap to the majors but my team mates had other ideas." he voice
became brittle and fierce.

"Tom told two other guys about me and one night they came to my
apartment. While they held me down, they broke my arm in three places with
a bat."

Sam sat in shock, horrified at the violence inflicted on him. He walked
over to Joe and with extreme gentleness, took him in his arms. That did it
for Joe, like hell bursting he keened with deep grief. Sam held him and
rocked him slightly as he wept too.

How could they do that? Joe asked himself for the thousandth time. How
could his friends, guys he played and partied and laughed with, do that?
Guys he trusted. They saw his being gay as a betrayal but they were the
ones who betrayed the trust with their act of violence. God how he hated
the motherfuckers, he raged as he tore them out of the dark recess they had
lodged in his soul. Their foul stench finally excised from his memory.

Joe slowed his sobbing until it was a soft whimper. He rose suddenly,
realizing he was a mess and went into the small bathroom to wash his
face. He emerged with a towel which Sam took and dried his face, kissing
him as he did so. Joe snatched at Sam's wrist as another revelation came to
him and Sam did not resist the tight hold, seeing the look of astonishment
on Joe's face.

"That's why I'm careful who I come out to, because I don't want to get my
other arm broken." all the fear that held him dissolved. Sam kissed the
hand that gripped him. Joe let go and Sam continued to press his lips to
the bandaged hand. Finally he took Joe's face in his hands, the eyes still
red and swollen from crying.

"I love you Joe Rossini. " He said in a clear voice. Joe gave a self
conscious laugh, he had never heard those words said to him by another man.

"You are the bravest man I have ever met." he went on. Joe laughed again,
this time a cynical bark.

"No, I'm a coward."

"Not anymore."  Sam amended and gave him a deep passionate kiss.

Sam made breakfast but Joe ate little. Sam gently asked if he wanted to go
home or for a walk but Joe shook his head fiercely. He seemed rooted to the
plush chair he occupied, staring at the floor in a state of confusion. Sam
ached for the turmoil Joe was going through and knew he needed comfort and
distraction from his troubled soul. They passed the day quietly watching
several movies and talking about them- they both had a passion for
cinema. In the evening Joe took a long shower after a dinner of leftovers
and lay down in bed. Sam joined him and they held each other for a long
time as Sam kissed and caressed him.

"Sam I want you to make love to me." Joe said suddenly, his voice hushed as
if in a church. Sam shifted to look at his drawn face, even his beard
looked weary.

"Are you sure?" he asked. Joe sat up on one elbow.

"I haven't had anyone in me since. . ." he voice drifted off. "I drank
heavily after my arm healed and let myself be taken too often, brutally
sometimes in a twisted attempt to punish myself further." he looked down at
his hand expecting more rejection but Sam touched his face in an
understanding gesture.

" I know the feeling." he said reminding Joe of his own earlier confession.

"I didn't trust anyone after I sobered. I didn't allow anyone to get close
to me but I trust you." Joe said and turned over on his stomach before Sam
could register a reaction. Sam reached for him, his hand hovering over the
round firm ass as he contemplated the request. Dave trusted him, Joe
trusted him and he did not want to fail that trust. He rested his left hand
on Joe who responded with a sigh.  Sam gently massaged him, his hand
burrowing between the mounds of flesh. Joe spread his legs allowing more
access to Sam's probing. He leaned down and kissed the back of Joe's neck,
feeling him tense slightly.

"Let me know if you want me to stop at any time." Sam whispered in his ear
and Joe sighed again. He worried Joe wasn't ready for this but when he
pushed a finger into him, he discovered Joe had cleaned himself thoroughly
in the shower. Ah so he IS ready, he thought in relief. Sam prepared
himself with a condom and lube then knelt carefully behind his lover.

Sam pushed in slowly, amazed at how tight yet yielding Joe was to the
entry. Sam leaned against the bigger man's bulk reaching around to fondle
his nipples. Joe rose slightly and Sam was buried completely, their balls
resting against each other, their bodies as close as possible.

Sam rocked slowly at first but increased speed as the tight grip sent him
into overdrive. He quickened his pace to catch up with his passion. Joe
groaned underneath him and he immediately slowed, instantly focused on
Joe's comfort.  He gently turned Joe onto his back who looked up at him
startled. Sam remained between his legs, caressing Joe, a hand tracing his
beard along the line of his chin.

Sam pressed against him and Joe panted in sudden anxiety. He shook his
head, not sure he liked lying there so vunerable with his arms and legs
spread. He flashed on the image of a dog exposing himself the same way in
submission to the alpha male. Sam smiled and caressed the thighs he held in
his arms, holding him protectively. Joe finally relaxed; convinced he was
safe in his lover's embrace. Joe gave a small sharp nod and closed his
eyes.

Sam resumed his lovemaking, keeping a steady rhythm like a runner in a long
race. He wanted it to last but the pressure built up in him and soon he was
rapidly headed to the finish. With a loud groan he thrust forward and
shuddered as he crossed the line, his heart pounding loudly. Everything
blurred for a moment then he became awareness of his heavy breathing and
Joe moving under him. He slowly disengaged and rolled over next to Joe,
watching his face. He still had his eyes closed and Sam thought he was
asleep from the serene expression on his face but his breathing was ragged
and his face flushed. As Joe slowly opened his eyes a tear escaped and
rolled down the side of his face.

"Thank you." he whispered and gulped down his rising emotion. Sam leaned in
and kissed him, glad he helped Joe cross some private threshold he feared
to tread. He rose and went to the bathroom to clean up. Joe joined him a
minute later and wrapped his arms around Sam's torso, burying his face in
the nape of his neck. They stood and swayed in the afterglow of their
intense union.

"Ready to face the world now?" Sam asked in half jest.

"No. " Joe replied seriously. Sam's smile faded. He shouldn't be surprised,
Joe had a lot to think about before coming out to his friends and he would
have to be patient with Joe. He caught Joe looking at him in the mirror.

"Ask me in a month." he said in a tacit promise to not retreat to his old
shell. Sam took his hands and nodded at the reflection.