Date: Sun, 22 Apr 2001 12:07:20 -0700 (PDT)
From: Pigs Fly <sensual_dude2000@yahoo.com>
Subject: To Love Again... Part 1

	I was so lost and scared. It had been days since the
funeral, but I couldn't bring myself to get back into
doing my usual activities. Anthony was dead and I
tried convincing myself that it was just a nightmare.
I would wake up tomorrow and all would be well again,
but I knew better. It was all the fault of that stupid
driver. How could he do this to me? Anthony was the
anchor of my life, my everything. I had told him once
that should he die before me, I would kill myself, so
that we could be together forever. He just laughed at
me and told me that I wouldn't. I loved life too much
and I guessed he had been right all along, though I
was hurt at that time. Though I did not go and
committed suicide, the thought did cross my mind a few
times and I thought that I would really do it, but I
did not.
	Do not get me wrong here. I love Anthony, but I know
that to kill myself will not end all hurt. More people
will end up with pain: my parents, friends; the list
goes on. I just know that I will not love again, never
will I commit myself and hurt myself in the end.
	I got up from the bed, but I didn't really want to.
We had shared this bed for more than six years and now
he was gone. He was only 26, young, successful and the
only person who loved me for who I was. We met when he
was 20 and I was only 17. "Widowed at the age of 23",
I had to smile when I thought about it. I was in love
with him and it was painful to lose him, but I knew
that the sooner I got up on my feet again, the faster
the heartache would heal.
	After showering, I put on my suit to get to work. It
was the one that Anthony bought for me when I
graduated last year. We celebrated the occasion by
going to our favourite spot: a little cave in the wood
two hours away from the city. We drank champagne and
ate the food that I had prepared. I would prefer not
to mention what it was; I was not a good cook. Anyway,
we had so much that night and planned on how to spend
the rest of our lives together. I guessed the plans
would not materialise; Anthony had died.
	I didn't really know how I managed to get through the
day. All I could remember was the one long meeting
that seemed like a one-man show. The manager kept on
talking, not caring about the rest of us who also had
to report the progress in our divisions. I was not
really complaining though because I was so heartbroken
still and the yakking-pig---that's what I called THAT
manager, might as well talk as much as he wanted to.
After the day was over, I walked towards the parking
space where my car was and it was then that I heard
someone moaning in pain. I searched high and low, and
there he was, lying almost unconscious a few feet away
from my car. I was truly shocked when I got to look at
his face. Although it was black and blue from the
obvious beating, he had an uncanny resemblance to
Anthony. The blue eyes, hair so blond that you never
thought would be possible and the same sexy lips. It
was starnge when I thought about it. I was supposed to
be mourning for Anthony and here I was admiring this
gorgeous male.
	I stooped down and carried him to my car. After
depositing him in the backseat, I slipped into the
driver seat and once I made sure that he did not roll
down the seat, I drove us home. Along the way, I
thought about how in the world would I be able to help
this guy. It was one of my vices that Anthony
disliked: doing anything without much consideration. I
guessed that I was now stucked with this guy here and
I had to do my best to help him.
	I laid him down on the sofa and somehow or other
finally dabbed some medication on his wound. I sat
down on the floor and gazed at him. "Wow! He had a
beautiful body", I thought to myself. In the process
of administering to him, I had to strip off his shirt
and pants. He was beaten up real bad it seemed. His
chest and thigh was bluish with the beating and I was
overwhelmed with sympathy. After covering him with the
blanket, I entered the bedroom. I did not have an
extra bed in the other bedroom because Anthony and I
never really saw to it. We did not have guest staying
over anyway, so we couldn't be bothered with it.
	I took a shower and cooked my dinner. It was the
loneliest meal I ever had. I thought of waking my
"guest" up, but I decided against it. He would be
better tomorrow if I let him sleep through the night.
"This guy is a major hunk", I had a silly smile all
through my dinner. I couldn't help remembering his
muscular body, the thighs so thick and tough with
muscles, and what an ass! If only he were gay! Well, I
didn't know yet, but I wasn't really interested in
another relationship whatsoever.
	I slept through the night, feeling exhausted and
aching from having to carry the guy into the car, out
of the car and finally onto the sofa. It was the worst
ordeal ever! Getting up, I walked out of the room,
just in my shorts, no shirt. Imagined my surprise to
see him in the kitchen, still in his drawers as I left
him last night. I guessed at once that he was looking
for a glass to drink and  when I walked in, he turned
around, kind of shock, I guess.
	"Hi, I am Jeremy. I brought you back last night. You
were almost unconscious. Are you okay?" I asked him,
smiling a little. "Gosh, he was really gorgeous", I
thought to myself as I walked over to get him a glass
of water.
	"Hi! I am Ted. Sorry to walk into your kitchen like
this, but I was really thirsty. By the way, thanks for
helping me last night", he smiled back as he took the
glass of water from me.
	"You are welcome, mate. What happened to you? You got
beaten up real bad, you know", I asked him while I sat
down on the chair beside the dining table. He took the
seat in front of me and after gulping down the glass
of water, he put the empty glass on the table.
	"I was hit from the back by some thugs, I think", he
said, without much conviction. I realized he was
lying, but I thought it might be due to a girlfriend
and he didn't want to discuss personal matter. I let
the matter rest at that and we proceeded to talk about
other things such as politics, our occupations, etc.
When he told me that he was a gym instructor, I was
not really surprised. What a build! We talked for some
time before I had to go and shower for work.
	"So, I will have to leave for work in half an hour
time. You are welcome to stay since from the look of
it, you can't even walk that much yet without feeling
the pain on your legs", I told him, all the while
hoping that he would not leave just yet. It felt so
good to have someone to talk to. I didn't tell him
about my relationship with Anthony, but just that he
had died in a car accident.
	"Hey, Jeremy. Are you looking for a roommate?" He
asked me suddenly as I was about to turn around to my
bedroom to have my shower. I stopped in my track,
surprised.
	"Are you interested?" My heart was beating like one
million times a second. What luck!
	"Well, are you?" He asked again, grinning widely now.
Oh, gosh! This guy was just gorgeous! I racked my
brain for an answer that would not make me sound so
desperate, though that was what I was feeling then.
	"Well, yeah! So, you want it?" I was smiling too. I
could hardly believe my luck, though my conscience
kept telling me that I was betraying the memory of
Anthony and our love. I shook off the feeling and
looked at the hunk in front of me.