Date: Thu, 7 Jul 2005 22:33:11 +0200 (CEST)
From: Marcos Rojas <tulindobebito@yahoo.es>
Subject: Triangle

Hi everyone! You can now have access to some of my feelings. The story is a
fiction, but many elements from my life are and will be in it. I think
there is no need for a disclaimer, since you know what are you allowed to
read and what not, and that of course this story is my property...

Please send me feedback. Your feedback will keep this story going.

Marcos

******************************************************************************
Triangle
By Marcos Rojas


Did you ever feel useless and lonely in your life? I mean lonely as hell,
close to turning mad because of lack of human touch and love? If not that
makes me a freak I guess. But it can't be only me feeling like this. It's
just not possible.

Have you ever had the feeling of not wanting to live any more, like the
next day isn't even part of your life? Because you simply refuse it as
being part of it... A time where you say enough, I want to get out of this,
I can't take this any longer?

Well I did, and let me tell you I still do. And yes, as you guessed it, it
has pretty good reasons. I'm lonely. Period. Just like that. I am sooo
lonely. Nobody wants me. Yesterday I went to take a walk. Clever people say
nature helps you to find your inner peace and harmony. Yeah right! What do
you think I saw? Okay, besides the trees and bushes and benches? Maybe all
the hormone influenced teenagers kissing around, making out, touching each
other under their shirts and breathing just so heavily as if the park would
have turned into their private bedroom. Okay, so they are young I said.
It's their time, they should be in love and discover their bodies etc. etc.

So what do you think I see next? A couple of old people walking around
holding hands!!! They are so content, even the little ugly fat dog look at
me and gives me this "you poor lonely shit!" look. I have to stop! Great!
Now what to do? Again the good old self convincing stuff, right? They have
lived their entire life together, right? I mean it is just natural to live
like this! They have their kids and maybe even grandchildren! So they are
on the right track as they say.

Still nervous, I resume my walk and what do you think happens next?
Something that seemed to be like hundreds of sparrows cross my way. Some of
them land on the ground and make their typical dance, and hop in a second
the male is on the female and they fuck like... like sparrows!!! Hey, this
is sooo unbelievable! Even these ugly birds get a mate! Even they fuck
around without having problems! And that in front of my lonely eyes!!! I
hate myself for accepting this lifestyle of mine. I should have forced
myself to act straight! By now I could have found some pretty and dumb girl
to share my life with. She would cook and clean, and every night we would
fuck, make 5 children, and spend the weekends together and celebrate
birthdays and so on and so forth. Why do I have to be gay?

That was definitely it! A walk in the park can help me feel better! Of
course! How about getting more depressed than I was? I choose answer
b. That's it, I'm going home!

It's 7 pm. Closing the door I start my player, you see I have the remote
control at the entrance, so that I can kill the silence of my flat. It is a
really nice one. See, money is no problem for me. My parents are quite
loaded. I can afford a flat in the center of Zurich. That is something
important, as it can get really expensive from time to time. I really did
fall in love with this city. Actually I love warm countries, and the summer
residence of my parents down in Spain is the place to stay. Of course this
is the reason they stay there! I need my time out. Of course we talk to
each other almost daily, since I am my parent's pet. And that really
doesn't bother me! Why should it? No one ever calls me and at least once a
day the phone rings. Okay, there are some calls from people who want to do
this or that kind of research, and I spend dozens of minutes answering
their questions. Don't ask me why I'm doing it. I'm just doing it. Another
habit of mine is to walk bare footed around the flat. You see even during
the wintertime I have floor heating. It was a fantasy of mine making love
on the floor. Now I ask myself who should I do it? Masturbating at my age
is quite boooooring. I mean I'm 23. Still a virgin. Why? Well, first of all
blame me. No, blame my parents, they showed me this brave-boy way of
life. So I accepted everything they ever told me. Don't get me wrong, it
was okay, I got over some pretty bad things thanks to their education, but
having feelings towards a boy was just too much. Or just kissing around for
fun was too childish. It had to be with the BIG one! So bottom-line, I'm
here, 23 years old, still a virgin without any contact at all.

19:30 I wonder how it feels to kiss a guy. Probably very good. Hmm, to feel
someone's body heat! Oh no, I'm getting horny again! I really don't want to
take care of that specific problem of mine. I hate my old videos, and
thoughts don't turn me on any more. It is like a routine you see, I have to
shower, to go to shower, to go to the office and to jerk off. It is part of
the daily routine. It would be embarrassing to have wet dreams... At 23 I
guess it would be more than embarrassing.

19:40 I still don't want to take care of this erection! I know little Rob
has his mind of his own, but I am a human being, so I can overcome my
instincts! Cause this is what makes the difference! We are human, aren't
we? Me too! Surprisingly...

19:45 Now where is that bloody site in the history??? I need some fresh
porn! Now! Why can't I find anything in the right moment? Damn, this
erection hurt!

19:50 Bloody hell, I have to download straight porn, it is faster. I hate
chicks screaming around but guys cumming is a real turn on for me! Come on!
Come on! You can do it! Why does it take so long? Finally!

19:55 Oh yeah great, this is so good. God, I'm such an animal!!! Oh ho! I
can't take it any longer! Shiiiiiit! Oooh, aaah, huh! Well, I'm done now!
Still shaking a bit...DAMN! The paper! I have printed it today! Not again!
Why do I have to shoot on the desk all the time??? Now who the hell is
calling? Hi Mom! Nothing, just evening stuff. Why am I so out of breath?
Ahm, well, ooh, you see I was walking and the stair house, I didn't take
the elevator! Keeps me fit! What? No, nothing special happened! All the
same! Yeah, the classes tomorrow! No, I'll be down in Rome in the weekend,
A conference you know... Yeah exactly, that one! They will present these
new discoveries about the CD1 system, exactly my field of study! No, of
course I will! But Mother, it isn't too cold in Rome you know! Yes I will
take care of myself. No, but hey, there is tomorrow too, we'll talk till
then. Gotta go, the supper you know... Bye. Argh! I hate the cold cum
dropping from my dick! I hate cold and colorless cum! Gotta take a shower!

20:15 Better. I really need something to eat. What do we have here in the
fridge? Naw, maybe not! I'm not in the mood to eat alone.

20:17 Wonder how it feels to hire a hooker. A male hooker of course!

20:18 Okay that is definitely too much! I'm gonna throw away the Yellow
Pages! Now! And bring the garbage down. That way there will be no
temptation!

20:20 Am I really this kind of desperate???

20:21 Okay, I'm going now!

20:22 Here we go again! Why me? Why now? Why this? "Oh God Mr. neighbor,
please don't tell my mother!" This is too much. First of all, he doesn't
even know my name and even HE, this 12 years old kid has a girlfriend! And
he doesn't even know MY name!!!

21:00 This movies is sooo boring... I guess it's time to go to bed... Alone
again! I hate to go to bed alone! I wonder how it feels to fall asleep in
somebody's arms... Hmmm, a big guy with muscles, a strong macho with me
screaming "Take me now and here!" Iiiihhhh! It feels probably like sleeping
with a bull, like a high speed train entering your body.

21:03 Still he has to have some muscles! I really like guys with some
muscles. You know so that he can carry me or so. And he has to have blue
eyes! Like the ocean or October sky or I don't know...

21:07 I wonder how much does it cost to order my own gene manipulated
lover! Hmmm. I guess pretty much! And I still will have to wait for 18
years so that I can have him. Like really HAVE him. You know... Stuff...

23:59 Another damn boring movie. Now it's time to sleep. (...) I don't even
have a teddy bear to hug! I hate myself!

******************************************************************************

Well, what do you think? Drop me a few lines please... Thanks.

Marcos

tulindobebito@yahoo.es