Date: Sun, 6 Apr 2014 20:58:08 +0100
From: Jayson Leigh <jmleighwrites@gmail.com>
Subject: Up Close and Personal - Chapter 9

UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL
by
Jayson Leigh


This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual events or locations,
or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. The author retains
all rights. No reproductions are allowed without the author's consent.

Author's Note: Apologies for the longer than expected lull between
chapters; been sick as a dog. We're at the halfway mark, so the countdown
begins with 9 more to go! Please send thoughts, comments and questions to
jmleighwrites@gmail.com


      CHAPTER 9

      Policy of Truth


      One million dollars.

      He sat pondering this amount in the back seat of the town car alone,
huddled in on himself and grateful that traffic was heavy this morning. One
of the benefits of being headlining of a television show was the car
service that picked him up and dropped him off at home. He worked strange
hours and in New York, neither taxis nor driving himself made much sense
when live television was at stake.

      One million dollars is a big fucking deal and Shane knew, without a
doubt, that the check might have been made out to the Keating foundation,
but the gift was all for him.

      Should he pay Leo back? Sure, if he stopped paying his mortgage for a
few years... maybe... Money complicated things. He should've turned it down
right away.

      Or was he overthinking it?

      If they really were friends, would it be so bad? Jenny would have no
qualms accepting such a gift from him and vice-versa... but they had nine
years of solid friendship between them. He and Leo had two nights between
them. Yes, they'd talked and laughed like old friends but what did it mean?
Did Leo expect him to be at his beck and call because of this?

      He bit down on his lip nervously trying to allay his fears. He wasn't
a whore like Drew said. He wasn't. Leo didn't have to pay anyone for
sex. He'd given it up to him two times now and cash certainly hadn't come
into play.

      It was just a gift. He could move past this. Leo never even wanted to
talk about it again which was just perfect. It was no big deal. It was just
a gift.

      Okay, it was a million dollar gift.

      Damn it.



      ###



      Jenny could tell Shane hadn't done his homework. He was aiming
rapid-fire questions at Trent, an associate producer and research intern
who'd obviously done a poor job reading the bestseller he'd been assigned;
a self-help book with six to becoming a better person.  Trent looked
amused, the writer befuddled, the associate producer pissed and the intern
quite terrified. She felt bad for the intern. Shane in attack mode could be
quite fear-inducing indeed.

      He interrogated the writer, associate producer and intern, with Trent
placating at intervals, asking question after question about the book and
writer in an attempt to point out what a piss-poor job they'd done putting
his questions together. The intern, Jen noticed, looked about ready to piss
his pants. She supposed it was because it was primarily his role to produce
clip research on guests by trawling YouTube, Google and past television
appearances which would assist the producers and writers with content for
the show.

      Shane always watched the movies, read the books, and listened to
whatever he was supposed to in preparation for interviews. He wasn't one of
those hosts who relied entirely on producers and writers to create content
for the show. He lived for research, often going above and beyond the scope
of his interview simply because he became fascinated by the subject. Even a
mundane book like this one, the twenty steps to a perfect life or whatever
it was called, would normally have been devoured by Shane... unless he was
distracted this week. Now, whatever could've distracted him?

      She was his best friend so that meant she knew, of all, people, when
he was lying. With Shane, that meant she had a slim lead over most people
with maybe a 51 percent chance of intuiting when he was telling the
truth. It was Shane, you never could be completely sure with him.

      When Trent and his team left the studio, leaving Jenny and her team
fiddling with cameras and lighting, she sidled up to Shane and asked
curiously, "So how hung over were you after the gala?"

      "What was that?" he asked, looking up from the hardcover book in his
hands.

      "Why didn't you read the book?"

      "Why do you think I didn't read the book?"

      "You're still reading it with less than an hour to go."

      "Maybe I missed some pertinent details."

      "Maybe you missed all the pertinent details?"

      "How would you know?"

      "Because I read the book. Mark loves self-help books. He makes me
read them. There are no pertinent details in that book. It's trash."

      "So you and Mark are a thing now?"

      "We are not! How dare you?"

      "Well you've got your little book club thing him..."

      "It was one book. He forced it on me."

      "Nobody forces anything on you."

      "Argh, I don't know how you turn the tables. Why did I come here for
again...?"

      Shane gave her a charming smile. "I don't know. I need to get back to
my book now."

      Jenny stalked away from her best friend while throwing him a suitably
bitchy look. Before she got too far, she noticed Shane's assistant stick
her head through the door and call out, "Shane you've got a delivery..."

      Jenny's eyes widened. She turned back to face him with a hopeful
grin. "Did you get us pizza?"

      "No way," said Zach, one of the camera operators as he pushed a
pedestal past Shane. "It's way too early for pizza. Gotta be donuts."

      Another one of her team, Nolan a sound engineer, added, "No way. It's
cronuts. I know he got us cronuts."

      Shane slammed the book shut. He was never going to read the fucking
thing. "What is wrong with you people?" He wondered out loud. No wonder
Jenny was always hungry; every one on her team was starving and a nutcase
to boot. "I didn't get anything delivered."

      Zach's face fell. "Kendra said you got something."

      Shane shrugged. "I'm sure it's something boring. Maybe a book..."

      Nolan looked doubtful. "It's not even 7am. Who delivers books this
early?"

      "And yet you thought I got pizza."

      "Cronuts! I said cronuts."

      "Yeah, whatever," Shane muttered. He should've just stayed in his
office. Why ever did he come to the studio? Oh right, because he forgot to
do his homework and didn't read the damn book so he'd tracked down Trent
and his team in the studio to figure out why they'd written such shitty
questions for him.



      ###



      "Do you think you could put the book down please?"

      Shane sighed loudly and gave up. He placed the book on the counter
below the mirror, pushing past make up items and hair tools to make space
for it. He was never going to get through it before the interview."

      Audrey placed a smock around Shane then began fiddling with his
hair. She reached for a pair of scissors. "I'm going to take an inch or so
off the top."

      Shane nodded distractedly. "Go ahead." He was rather irritated with
himself this morning. He hated feeling ill prepared for interviews. He'd
had a week to read the book. Leo. Drew. That's why he didn't read the
book. He hated that he'd let his personal life intrude on his professional
one. He wasn't one of those people who couldn't keep their lives in
order. He was good at his job because he went above and beyond. He could
talk to actors and actresses about their filmography because he made sure
to watch and read everything he could get his hands on about them. Ditto
singers, writers, comedians, and every type of entertainer he interviewed
on a daily basis. He was going into this blind for the first time since he
first started hosting. He felt like an amateur.

      "Hey, no frowning," Audrey warned. "You'll get crow's feet and lines
on your forehead."

      Shane barely restrained himself from rolling his eyes. He schooled
his features to a neutral expression while thinking wrinkles were really
the least of his problems at the moment.

      "You, your missing boyfriend's dog and your empty; what could
possibly have kept you busy this week?"

      Shane's eyes snapped to the door way where Jenny was watching
him. "You distracted me earlier, but I know I was on to something..."

      "You're like a bloodhound."

      Jenny smirked. "And I think I got hold of something that stinks real
bad."

      Shane watched Audrey run some product through his hair and style
it. When she was done, she spun his chair around and said, "I'm going do
your face now."

      He was about to say something to Jenny when Audrey cut him off as she
dabbed something on his cheek, "Could you just hold off talking for a
minute or two while I get this done?"

      Shane held his tongue and let her work. He knew Audrey was
short-tempered and quite harried most mornings. Even more so today, she
still had to work on the writer and a rather large line-up of guests who
claimed that the self-help book had changed their lives.

      Jenny was quiet for a minute or so before she piped up, "Hey, I think
that's enough pancake. We can't have him looking like a kabuki doll, you
know?"

      "I don't hear anyone telling you how to do your job," Audrey mumbled
under her breath.

      "I'm sorry. What was that, Audrey?"

      The makeup artist looked at her innocently. "Nothing."

      Shane reached for the counter to push the book aside for his show
notes. He had just minutes to review any last minute changes that had been
made ahead of today's filming. Audrey finally got done with his face and
began fiddling with his hair again. He glanced at Jenny and saw her
watching him through the mirror.

      "You came in late today."

      Shane arched a brow. "Who made you timekeeper?"

      Jenny shrugged as she retrieved a roll of candy from her pocket and
unwrapped one carefully. "It's a little suspicious, that's all."

      "You've got the strangest little mind, with your conspiracy theories
and what not... I'm surprised you don't go around with a tin foil hat on
your head."

      She tilted her head at him. "I'll have you know that tin foil hats
are useless in our defense against the little green men. They'll read our
thoughts no matter what we put on our heads."

      Audrey unsuccessfully tried to stifle a laugh while Shane shook his
head and went back to his notes.

      "Shane?" Audrey called out uncertainly, "I think you've got a bruise
on your-" She paused, pulling his collar and exclaiming, "Holy shit. Who
the hell did this to you? It's like a vampire sucked on your neck last
night..."

      "What?" Shane said as his hand flew up to his neck. He rubbed at the
tender spot that had been tingling all morning and looked closely at his
reflection. He caught sight of a purple tinged bruise and his heart
sank. Leo.

      "I knew it!"

      He glanced back, startled, to face his friend.

      She took a step closer, and wagged her finger at him. "And you said I
was a conspiracy theorist. I called it!"

      Shane turned away from her. "Called what exactly?"

      She didn't speak for a few moments and he glanced at her
reflection. Her expression reeked of disapproval and he had no idea why it
bothered him so much.

      Staring at his neck, she commented, "I figured something like this
happened when you didn't read the book."

      Shane avoided her gaze, saying to Audrey instead, "Could you work
your magic on this?"

      Audrey nodded and went to work.

      Shane looked down at his notes again, but couldn't read a thing. He
sighed loudly. "It's not what you think."

      "Oh please, do tell. That bastard shows up again and you jump in the
sack with him like a loser... and after everything you said?"

      Shane's eyes widened at Jenny's words which seemed to echo in the
shocked silence of the room. Jenny cringed at the blunt and hurtful jab
she'd blurted at her best friend. She turned to the makeup artist. "Could
you give us five?"

      They waited in silence until Audrey left.  She began softly, "I'm
sorry. I shouldn't have-"

      Shane interrupted her angrily, "You had no fucking right to do that."

      "I know. I'm sorry. I'm just so mad right now. Drew always makes me
lose my mind. I can't believe you took him back."

      He looked away. "I didn't."

      "Huh?"

      "It wasn't Drew." he said.

      "Wha... I don't get it."

      Shane sighed in exasperation, "I didn't spend the night with Drew,
okay?"

      "Then who did that?" she asked, pointing at his neck. "Who's the
vampire?"

      "It's someone else," said Shane cryptically.

      	The dressing room door swung open and a production assistant called
out, "Shane? We need you. Three minutes to air."

      He grabbed his jacket off the back of the chair and checked his
reflection one last time as he buttoned up. Pulling at his shirt collar, he
hoped the cover-up Audrey had applied wouldn't smear under the heat of the
bright overhead studio lights. As he began walking to the set, Jenny
followed at his side.

      "You're kidding, right?"

      He shook his head.

      "How long has this being going on?"

      He didn't respond as he came to a halt by the studio entrance. A
technician came to his back, lifted his jacket and fastened the wireless
transmitter to his belt while another one clipped a microphone to his
lapel. He was handed an earpiece, but before he inserted it, he glanced
back at his friend. "Let's do this after the show, alright?"

      She looked at him thoughtfully. "Drew was right, after all. You were
cheating on him."

      He spun around on his heels in surprise. "What did Drew say? You
talked to him? When...?"

      She smirked, walking backward to the control room and threw his words
back at him. "Let's do this after the show, alright?"

      Shane opened his mouth to speak when he heard the floor manager next
to him start cueing, "In five...four...three...two..."



      ###



      There was a relentless splatter of rain against the glass backdrop of
the studio. New York had rain showers in the summer like it was early
spring.

      "Before we do this," Shane asked, "you've got to tell me
something..."

      "What?"

      "How often did you talk to Drew behind my back?"

      "I would never do that to you."

      "You only spoke to him that one time?"

      She looked down at her feet. "I guess we were both keeping secrets."

      He walked by her to the edge of the stage, and sat down, patting the
spot beside him. "I'm seeing someone but it's complicated, that's why I
never mentioned it before."

      Taking a seat by his side, she asked, "Who is it?"

      "You don't know him."

      "What's his name?"

      "Leo."

      "I know a couple of Leos. What's his last name?"

      "Malone. Leo Malone."

      She threw him an amused look. "He's got the same name as the rock
star? I once dated a guy, George Harris and I thought that was funny,
because you know, George Harrison, the Beatles?"

      Shane said nothing, wondering how to explain that his situation was
maybe, a little bit different from hers.

      "It's great that the only thing he has in common is the same name,
though because that Leo Malone, Christ, he's got issues. Well, he is hot,
too so there's that... Like he's really hot. He's like a thirteen."

      Shane threw her an amused glance. "Out of thirteen."

      She shook her head solemnly. "Out of ten."

      Shane sighed. "It's Leo Malone."

      "In your dreams," she said with a grin.

      Shane said nothing.

      She finally noticed the somber look on his face and she
blinked. "You're shitting me."

      He shook his head.

      Her mouth fell open.

      Shane took a few seconds to appreciate the sight of Jenny struck
silent. It didn't happen too often, so it was a moment to
savor. Unfortunately, it ended all too quickly.

      "When? How? When? Why?" she gasped.

      "In LA, after the interview. How? Well, I don't need to explain the
specifics of man-on-man sex to you and why...? Well, why the hell not!"

      She nudged his arm impatiently. "Don't be so flippant. You've got
some explaining to do."

      "It was one night, nothing more... until yesterday."

      "So that's why your chemistry was scorching during the interview; he
wanted to bang you."

      Shane stared at her. "Did you just use the word, bang?"

      "Bang, screw, fuck. Holy shit. Leo Malone's gay!"

      Shane swept his gaze around the studio uncomfortably. There were too
many words in that sentence of hers that would make anyone blush. The
studio was empty, but still, he didn't like the idea of Jenny saying that
last part out loud.

      "I can't believe you kept this from me."

      "It really was a one night stand until yesterday. I didn't lie about
that!"

      "That's the understatement of the century and you know it."

       Shane tried to rationalize his motives in keeping things from
her. "Look, he walked out on me before I woke up the next morning."

      "So that's why you came back from L.A. so moody? He banged you and
dumped you."

      "There goes that word again."

      "Wait, why does this sound familiar? He used you. He left you. Now
he's back and you've started up again... hmm...?"

      "He's not Drew," Shane protested.

      Jenny looked at him skeptically.

      "He's nothing like Drew. He's different, I swear he is. We make sense
together, in all the ways Drew and I never worked. He knows me like we've
been together years already. He's not Drew."

      Jenny threw him a look that said how naïve she thought he was. "So
you're dating Leo Malone now?"

      "It's complicated."

      "Isn't it always? What about Drew?"

      "That's complicated, too."

      Jenny threw her legs over the stage, then folded her arms on her
knees and rested her head sideways on them. She eyed her friend for a long
moment before asking, "What are you doing, Roderick?"

      "I don't know."

      "Tell me everything that's been going on."

      He sighed. "From the beginning?"

      "That's usually a good place to start."

      He talked and she listened without any interruptions, except for the
occasional snort. When he was done, she stayed silent for an uncomfortably
long time.

      "Well?" he prompted her.

      She pulled out a roll of Starburst from her pocket and offered him
one. He declined. She popped it in her mouth, chewing slowly then declared
with finality, "You're an idiot."

       "I've always appreciated your blunt honesty."

      "You have an affinity for pain that blows my mind. Getting involved
with guys like Drew and Leo Malone? Do you secretly enjoy being hurt?
Drew's got a commitment phobia and Leo, well, he doesn't know what he
wants... he isn't sure he's gay... and then there's you. You've got more
degrees than a thermometer and now you're stuck in the middle of two major
assholes. I don't know if you've got bad luck with guys or really good
radar for men with more emotional baggage than yourself but my dear, you
have really outdone yourself this time."

      She paused for a beat before continuing, "I don't mean to sound
judgmental..."

      "Oh, please," said Shane coolly, "why stop now?"

      She ignored his heavy sarcasm. "I find it hard to believe that your
only options for a relationship are a serial heartbreaker or a closet
case. Granted, anyone would do Leo Malone if given the chance, but knowing
you, you think this is the beginning of your happily ever after, don't
you?"

      She paused for a moment to check his reaction, but Shane mostly
managed to keep his uneasy thoughts hidden.

      "Leo Malone's an addict with serious drug issues, and now you think
he's gay? Or he thinks he's gay... Give me a break. He's a rock star. They
fuck anything with a pulse and you're like fucking catnip to predators like
that."

      "Jen, you talk about me like I'm a teenager carrying on with an older
guy. I'm no kid. I've been in relationships. I know what I'm getting myself
into."

      "You're right in the middle of a tornado here, but knowing you, you
think you've got it all under control. You think you can control everything
but it's going to spiral out of hand and you'll be right in the middle of
it... I'm so overwhelmed with your life," she finished off. "I'm not even
mad at you for keeping this from me. Honestly, I'm exhausted just listening
to you."

      Shane was rattled by what she'd said and was looking away from her
when she said, "One more thing, though..."

      "What?"

      "Why keep hanging on to Drew?"

      "I'm not taking him back. He's the one who keeps trying to get back
together."

      "So cut him loose."

      Silence

      "Why don't you want to?"

      "I'm not ready," he admitted.

      "Why? What did you do to him? He's the asshole!"

      "He only left me because I said I loved Leo. I didn't actually mean
it, I meant I love you but I just kind of added Leo's name at the end
there..." he trailed off when he realized how silly it all sounded. Jeez,
no wonder Drew didn't believe that night.

      Jenny's eyes widened like saucers then she threw her head back and
guffawed loudly, frightening a janitor who was vacuuming at the doorway.

      Shane rolled his eyes. "It's not that funny."

      She shook with laughter. "Anything that bugs Drew is extremely
amusing to me."

      "Is that when he called you asking if I'd cheated on him?"

      Jenny nodded. "You policy of secrecy did you well because I defended
you like a fucking saint... told him he had to be insane to think you'd
ever do something like that."

      "I didn't cheat on him," Shane said.

      When Jenny gave him a skeptical look, he hedged, "Well, not
technically, I guess, we were on a break..."

      "Maybe not physically," she said thoughtfully, "but your heart's been
with Leo since that night, right?"

      Shane said determinedly, "It doesn't matter where my heart's
been... I know you think I'm crazy, but I want to give it a go with Leo."

      "And Drew...?"

      "I know it's over but I keep thinking..."

      "What, exactly?"

      "If it doesn't work out with Leo, I don't want to be..."

      "Alone?"

      He nodded reluctantly.

      "Oh, come on, it's not a death sentence. You're only twenty nine, but
you've been single no more than a month since I met you. I know you don't
do hook ups, only relationships, but maybe it wouldn't be so bad if you
gave yourself a break... End it with Drew and give it some time before you
jump head first into this thing with Leo..."

      Silence.

      "You're not thinking of seeing them both, are you?"

      Silence.

      "You can't string them along, just in case one doesn't work out.
It's not right."

      "Why do I always have to do the right thing," Shane asked
softly. "Everyone else gets away doing whatever they want to me?"

      "It's not... it's just... you're not that sort of person, Shane."

      "Maybe I want to be..."

      "If Drew doesn't know you're seeing Leo, and Leo doesn't know you're
with Drew. You'd be lying. And you'll hurt them both like they hurt you but
you'd hate yourself for doing it. You're not that guy."

      "Everything's always so black and white to you"

      "Maybe life's not as complicated as you make it seem. Fact is, you
shouldn't date two people at the same time unless they both know about it,
otherwise, it's called cheating.

      Shane said nothing and she glanced disapprovingly at him. "Poor
Drew."

      "What?"

      She broke out in giggles. "You said Leo's name in bed with him. How
embarrassing..."

      "It wasn't so bad," Shane protested, blushing as he struggled to
explain again, "I was half asleep and he said `I love you,' but the wrong
name slipped out..."

      She giggled even harder."

      He stayed silent. The whole thing was a big joke to her. "Well, I'm
glad my life entertains you," he said sullenly.

      As she wiped tears of laughter from her eyes, she said, "You were my
fucking hero."

      "Who? Me?"

      She nodded. "I swear, I thought you were the last honest guy in New
York city. I looked up to you, heck, I wanted to be you...You were devoted
to Drew for three years and he was such a jackass, but you loved him
anyway... and now," she shook her head sadly, "And now, it's over. You're
just a lying, cheating bastard like the rest of us."

      Shane didn't know how to respond to that. "I'm no angel," he said
finally, "you shouldn't put me on a pedestal.

      "Now you tell me."

      Shane frowned but said nothing.

      "You're really good at keeping secrets."

      "I wanted to tell you."

      She snorted.

      "You get so judgmental."

      "You do have a history of epic fuck ups."

      "Says the woman who got divorced at 25."

      "Touche; but at least I recognize when I fuck up."

      "And I don't?"

      "You seem to think Leo Malone is-"

      "You don't even know him..."

      "Fine. Tell me about him. Why do you like him?

      "He's different in person," Shane said, before adding shyly. "When
I'm alone with him, he's nice, funny... he's generous..."

      "What? Like in bed?"

      Shane bit down on his lip shaking his head. "We made a donation to
the foundation yesterday."

      Jenny's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "How much?"

      "We lost some of our funding. One of Melinda's friend's is getting a
divorce and she pledged over-"

      "How much did he give you?"

      "He didn't give me anything."

      Jenny smirked. "How much did Leo Malone give your foundation because
of you?"

      "A million dollars," Shane said quietly.

      She stared at him dumbstruck while he looked away
self-consciously. "Just how good are you in bed?"

      "Hey!" Shane protested.

      "Did you do that thing when you were sucking him off?"

      He rolled his eyes. "Fuck you."

      "You've spent all of two nights together and he gives you a million
dollars?"

      "He didn't give me-"

      "Semantics, Shane!"

      He fell silent, aware that he'd been having the same argument with
himself this morning.

      Jenny threw him a wry look. "It's just so hard to imagine you guys
together."

      Thinking back to the day before, Shane couldn't help the small smile
that stole across his face. "It's normal," he said. They'd eaten bagels and
cream cheese in bed like teenagers, talked and laughed like old friends,
then made love like passionate newlyweds. He repeated with a smile,
"Surprisingly normal."

      She nodded. "He's a little young, don't you think?"

      "Don't start," he said with a groan.

      "I'm sorry. I can't help but point out the very obvious things that
spell doomed relationship to me. I'm happy for you. Really, I am. I always
wanted to fuck a rock star. I'm still holding out hope that Brandon Flowers
will come to his senses, dump his wife and give me a call someday, but,
here's the thing, if that ever happens, I won't hold out for a fairy tale
ending."

      "What makes you think I am?" Shane asked her defiantly.

      "You, with the Celine Dion obsession? Come on!"

      "It's not an obsession. And maybe I already know how it's going to
end with Leo..."

      "Do you?" she asked doubtfully. "You're not going to fall apart if
this ends horribly... or publicly? Are you going back in the closet for
him? How are you guys ever going to see each other? He has an awful history
with women... mostly models; he treats them like..."

      "Stop," he said, cutting her off. He didn't need to hear this.

      "You're making a mistake."

      "You don't know him."

      "You've spent all of 48 hours with him and you're suddenly an
expert?"

       "He promised he wouldn't hurt me again. I know it sounds lame
but..."

      "You're in love with him," Jenny said flatly.

      Shane ran his hands through his hair. He wasn't even going to touch
that one now.

      "I know you want to follow heart, but listen to me, Shane. I'm the
voice of reason," She paused and smiled. "I've always wanted to say that,"
she added before repeating, "I'm the voice of reason."

      He rolled his eyes. "Get over yourself."

      "You know he's never going to come out of the closet."

      He shrugged. "That's his decision, I shouldn't..."

      "You should," Jenny countered.

      "Coming out is a very personal decision. What if he's still attracted
to women? Does sleeping with a guy make him gay? Or are you gay only if
you're in love with someone of the same sex? I don't know..."

      "So you're going to be his dirty, little secret now?"

      "He didn't ask me to keep anything secret."

      "Has he taken you to dinner in public? Will he serenade you at one of
his concerts like he did Joni Sampson? Is he going to flaunt you around
like the super models or do you only get a super-secret donation to your
non-profit?"

      Jenny was stacking every known infraction against Leo. She was
literally building an offense so strong, it seemed incredible that he was
still standing strong. He knew what he had with Leo. Call him crazy, but
there was something there; something worth fighting for... Something worth
going against his best friend for...

      "What if he OD's again?" Jenny said, cutting into his thoughts.

      Shane stayed silent. That was one issue he was quite scared to
approach with Leo. He knew nothing about drug addiction and worst of all,
suicidal tendencies.

      "He's been an addict for years..."

      Silence.

      "Shane...?"

      Shane didn't want to listen to one more critique thing about his
life, his poor choice of men and everything wrong with Leo. "You've got to
stop talking. I can't even hear myself think anymore."

      Jenny continued like she didn't hear him. "You're going to be his
first same sex relationship. Are you ready to deal with that? "He couldn't
handle being with a man. He could handle the sex alright... and he came
back for more... but can he do the rest? Can he be in a relationship with
another man?"

      Shane let out a breath he hadn't been aware he was holding. "I guess
I'll find out."

      "And you're not going to fall apart if it doesn't work out-"

      "I don't fall apart over when shit happens-"

      "Yes, you do," Jen said heatedly. "You haven't been yourself since
Drew. I'm still picking up the pieces-"

      Shane matched her heated tone as he interrupted hastily. "I didn't
ask you to pick up my pieces. You don't fix my life, Jenny. You act like
you know it all but you're too scared. You're scared of love. You're scared
of relationships. You're scared of anyone getting close enough to look
below the surface and find out you're not so tough after all. So what if I
fell apart because of Drew; I'm still here. I'm still looking for my
happily ever after... at least I haven't given up. You got divorced. Big
fucking deal. Get over it, Jen. Get the fuck over it and stop judging me
because you're too scared to live your own life."

      The janitor chose that exact moment to yank out the vacuum plug and
the studio fell into silence. Jenny exhaled softly. "Why do I get the
feeling you've been holding that in for a long time...?"

      "I'm sorry..." Shane said remorsefully. "I didn't mean-"

      She cut him off softly, "Don't ever apologize for telling me how you
really feel." She swung her legs and rose from her spot on the edge of the
stage next to him. She walked away and headed down the short flight of
three steps that led to the audience's seating area. "I should go," she
said awkwardly.

      "Jenny-"

      "You speak your mind so rarely; I can't hold it against you when you
let out everything you've been holding in..."

      Shane watched her walk away then called out awkwardly, "I haven't
been holding that in. It just came out the wrong way..."

      She snorted. "You meant every word. I could tell..."

      Shane jumped off the stage to the floor and approached her. "You need
to let me do this, Jen."

      She shook her head. "I don't need to let you do anything. You've
needed my approval."

      "So why do I feel like I just got a scolding?"

      Jenny rubbed at her eyes tiredly and pushed the door open. "I need to
go. Your love life really shouldn't be taking up this much of my time
anyway..."



      ###


      It was already late afternoon but the production meeting was still
running past schedule. Jenny had hoped to call it a day, but Trent and Bill
just kept droning on. They'd had the writers run through every significant
event in pop culture that week and were now tasking the booking team to
attract more news-worthy guests to the show.

      Normally, she enjoyed these meetings. She was working her way up the
ladder, and while she enjoyed her work as a director, she was intrigued by
the producers' roles as well. Lately, Trent had been acting as a mentor of
sorts to her and she'd eagerly accepted his invitations to join the
creative meetings. She found herself enjoying the process of content
development and was beginning to wonder what it would take to make the leap
from director to producer. Unlike film making, news and talk show directors
rarely got behind the camera; that's what camera operators were for. She
spent most of her time in the control room, coordinating multi-camera
switches between Shane, the guests and the audience; coordinating the
graphics and audio teams to ensure their contributions were effectively
incorporated into the live feed which was being broadcasted with a few
seconds delay.

      As Bill's voice droned on, she tried to stifle a yawn. When one of
the writers' brought up booking a singer who'd been arrested that afternoon
for a DUI, she thought wryly, must be a Wednesday.

      She noticed that Shane had been avoiding her. Despite sitting across
the table from her, he'd managed to avoid her gaze. She wasn't itching to
talk to him either. She decided that what she needed right then was a
donut. With chocolate, sprinkles and jelly inside, three things that made
her very happy. Trent glanced at her and she began scribbling in her
notepad to appear attentive. Thankfully, the meeting wrapped shortly after
and she stayed behind to chat with Trent.

      When she finally left the conference room, she noticed a small crowd
of people milling around an open door ahead. It was Shane's office, she
realized.

      "What's going on?" Trent wondered aloud.

      She quickened her pace and approached Kendra, Shane's assistant, who
was nearby.

      "You know the delivery Shane got this morning?" she was told. "Well,
I told security to let the delivery man in to Shane's office to drop it off
and I never bothered to check what it was... and I guess Shane hasn't been
in his office all day either... so he just stepped in and, like, wow!"

      Curious, Jenny pushed past several people to peek into Shane's small
office and let out a small gasp. It was like an explosion of orange in
there. Tall glass vases of vibrant orange blooms covered every inch of the
tight space. He couldn't take a step inside without knocking several over.

      The idle crew milled around, gossiping, and it occurred to Jen that
the recipient of this extravagant gift seemed the most stunned. She stepped
up next to him and muttered, "What the hell?"

      "Leo," he said quietly. "It's got to be Leo."

      Jenny glanced back at the crowd and called out cheerfully, "Nothing
to see, here." She pulled the door closed firmly and turned back with a
stern look. "Grant? Nolan? Shouldn't you be heading back to the control
room? Kendra, I'm pretty sure you've got better things to do right now..."
Although she was usually one to partake in office gossip, she knew that
Shane wasn't fair game.

      Bill lingered behind, staring into the office. "I don't think there's
a single orange rose left out there in New York City. What are those, forty
something vases full? You know red is the color of love and white is
friendship, but orange is the color of passion and burning desire."

      Jenny rolled her eyes behind him, reminded that Bill was an
encyclopedia of useless information. When he finally left, she muttered,
"What the hell was Leo thinking?"

      Shane let on just a hint of a smile as he reached down and pulled one
long stalk from a vase. "He said something to me about roses..."

      Jenny observed out loud, "Look, the thorns are all shaved off..."

      Shane smiled and she realized it must have some private meaning to
him. "He seems big on grand gestures..."

      "Is that sarcasm I hear?"

      Jenny sighed and gave him a funny look. "I don't want to do this
again. We just can't seem to get along where Drew and Leo Malone are
concerned."

      Shane caught sight of something on her face that he couldn't
explain. "What are you saying?"

      "I think we need some space."

      "Is it because of what I said back there?"

      "No, it's lots of things really. I think, maybe, you and I... well,
it seems like we know each other so well. And that's good. Sometimes. But,
maybe we know each other too well, you know? You think I'm trying to
control you, tell you what to do..."

      "I never said that..."

      "Didn't you? Not in so many words... but-"

      "Jen, we can be truthful with each other, right?"

      "Your truth hurts, Shane."

      "So does yours."

      "Don't do this. I need you."

      "No, you don't. You don't need my approval. Or my advice. You're
good."

      "I didn't mean..."

      "I definitely think we need some space... I love you. You're still my
best friend but we do need some time apart."

      Shane gaped at her. What the fuck was going on here. "Space...? What
are you talking about? It's not like we're dating, we're friends."

      "We are, but our relationship is... it's a little..."

      "What?"

      "It's smothering, okay?"

      "I smother you."

      "Don't put words in my mouth."

      Her brows were furrowed in concentration when she said, "You think
I'm too scared to live my life, so what, I'm living vicariously through
you... do you know how insulting that is?"

      Shane bit his lip. "I apologize. I was wrong to say that. I know I
don't talk nearly enough, and when I do, I put my foot in my mouth, but you
pull it out and we move on. Right...?"

      "Right?" he prompted again when Jen said nothing.

      "Whatever you choose to do is your business..."

      Shane gave a short, sharp laugh. "You're walking away from me."

      Jenny cringed, almost regretting her decision. "I'm not Drew or Leo
or any of those guys who've hurt you."

      He stepped into his office, knocking over one vase and setting off a
domino effect of four other vases being knocked down to the floor and
spilling water and orange blooms. "From where I'm standing..." he said
quietly, "you all look alike."