Date: Thu, 29 Jul 2004 14:30:04 -0700 (PDT)
From: JMH <trandar2002@yahoo.com>
Subject: The Wedding Ring Chapter 21

Here we are again folks... only two more chps left before the ending of
Wedding Ring.  I hope you enjoy them.  My other stories, including the
ending to Wedding Ring are already  posted on
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/adultwritingworkshop/

				    JMH

			   trandar2002@yahoo.com

      ***************************************************************

Three months later:

In the end she felt she had no other choice.  The sacrifices Thomas was
asking of her were too much.  Tara waited until the night before her
husband was to leave for a conference in Washington D.C. to hand him the
divorce papers.  To say he was surprised would have been an
overstatement.  He asked her if she would want him to move out but Tara
told him no... she had already made arrangements to move in with her
brother.  It was hard to live under the same roof with Darren but  it let
her spend more time with her son and had Darren's help in raising her
daughter Amber.

 It took a while for her to get used to Chance.  He would pray before
each meal, and try to get everyone to join him for prayer each sunrise
and sunset.  Jacob... who usually had to wake up before sunrise never made
it.  Chris, who was not willing to do it if Jacob wasn't, never
bothered.  Philip did it for a while... that was until he learned how to
sleep through Darren getting out of bed.  So in the end it ended up just
being her, Chance and Darren.

She saw easily that Chance had feelings for Darren but knew better from
her experience from her brother to interfere.  She could think of a
million warnings she could give the confused man but as she learned...
people had to make their own mistakes...even her.

She was amazed by how calm Darren always seemed to be.  If some of the
same shit had happened to her she knew she would not seemed to be so at
peace not with Will being dead... Jacob in his own relationship... and
herself an emotional wreck

Tara still wanted another child and she was more then sure she wanted
Darren to be the father.  After leaving Thomas she had decided that
marriage was not what she had dreamed it up to be...all the commitments
and compromises.  Why not live like a gay man?  She would ask herself.
Go to the bars... find a hot man to sleep with and play around with him
for a while until someone hotter came along.  Her new mantra was sex just
sex, to her brother's disappointment.  There was of course one rule... no
bringing of boyfriends home unless she changed her view and was serious
about him.

Of course this would not be a problem she would have to face... that is
when she finally got the courage to ask Darren to father another child.
She had quickly given up asking him to do it the natural way but had
decided on artificial fertilization.

On the day she finally build herself up to ask, it was right after
morning prayers.  Darren had just fished hugging Chance and was making
his way to her.  "Darren, can we talk in private?"

"Sure Tara... Chance can you wake up the kids?"

"Sure... will do."  Chance replied with a glowing smile.

Once Chance was back in the house Tara began... "He really likes you."

"Chance... yeah he does.  I like him too."

"Well I think he likes you the way my brother liked you."

"Nah..." Darren said embarrassed.  "The one he really likes is Philip.
He said so at breakfast once."

"Ok... just be sure you don't break his heart."

"I'll try not to," Darren said sincerely.

"Darren... I know I tell you that you are a great father all the time."

"I try," Darren agreed.

"There is no one I have wanted to raise my kids... and it remain true
today."

"Hey, I know you and Thomas had it rough.  Not all men are like that."

"I know... but you know the saying a bird in hand is worth two in a
bush."

"What are you trying to say?"

"I want... I would like to have another child with you."

"Tara..." Darren sighed as if he had become very tired.

"I don't want to have sex with you... I just want you to be the father
of my next child."

Darren took a seat on the patio step. "What is it you want me to do?"

"Be a sperm donor and be listed as the father on the birth
certificate."

"I will have to talk with Philip about this... he helps in raising the
kids too."

"How is he anyway?  I don't get to talk to him much."

"Well if you have not guessed... he doesn't like you much.  But don't
worry he'll get over it."

"But why?"

"Well I guess it is because you are the one person who I have slept with
that he has not had a chance to fuck.  I mean... he had slept with Jacob
before me so it would be a little hard for Philip to be jealous of him."

"But he is of me?"

"Well, I would not say that.  This did not become an issue until you
divorced Thomas but now that you are free to sleep with whoever you want,
Philip is a little protective of his nest so to speak."

"And me asking you to have another baby might make that worse."

"Yes..." Darren sighed.

"But from what I understand Philip sleeps with other men now and then."

"Well that is something else new.  He has not been doing much of that
lately.  Besides giving Chance Gay 101, I don't think he has slept with
anyone else."

"Well I guess that is a good thing."

"I guess... it's not like we are getting any younger.  It might be time
we retired from the field."

"Hahahaha.... Don't fool yourself Darren, I know both of you get off
watching other men look at you and Philip with envy.

*****************************************************'

Philip did have jealousy in his mind... but not so much as fear.  Jacob
had come up to him and confessed that he and Chris all knew the truth
about the shooting.  Philip had begged the two of them to not tell
Darren, that he was sorry for what he had done but still he could not get
over the feeling there was a gun pointed at his head about to go off at
any moment.  It had also given him a lot of guilt, leading him to give up
on his outside sex...except for Chance who got the rougher end of his
frustrations.

Philip was waiting in Chance's room when he came back from watching the
sunrise.  "Have fun?"  He asked.

"It was good?"

"Good... but while the sun rose something else did as well."  Philip
said in a mischievous grin and he pulled down his white briefs to let his
cock pop out.

Chance could not hold back a sigh that was both lust and weariness.  He
really enjoyed the sex, but with Philip there was none of the emotions he
thought he should feel.  Except for that one jack off in the laundry
room, he and Darren had not fooled around, except for a hug or friendly
kiss on the cheek.  It might have been because nothing had happened
between them that Chance could not stop from thinking a bunch of "what
ifs".  The grass always looks greener on the other side or in this case
the other partner.

What drove Chance nuts though, was that both Darren and Philip used the
breakfast conversation to pin Chance to Philip.  He was almost willing to
take Tara's offer to go to gay bars with her... just to find a more
emotional relationship then he had with Philip, but if he went dating he
feared he might lose his feeling for Darren.

Even though he had almost come to terms with never having Darren, Chance
had fallen in love with being in love with him.  It felt so good to be in
love with such a man.  It made thing seem not so bad, it gave him hope.

It was a measure of how separated he had become from his emotions and sex
that he was able to think about all this while sucking Philip off.  It
became harder though when Philip returned the favor as his own dick
hardened and face became flushed.  Sex was good...real good, but his only
source of it was Philip for the moment.

After he finally shot his load and was given another cum filled kiss he
left Philip without another word.  He showered by himself, washing away
what he still felt was unclean.  It was then, in the shower he had come
to a decision... his old view of sex was that it was only legitimate for
giving birth to children.  Now though that he had experienced it for
himself, his views had loosened.  Sex was now ok... if you were in love
with the person... but he just wasn't with Philip.

            Darren now... that was a different story.  Chance didn't know
if it was love but just being around him made him happy... if not giddy.
Was this love?  He did not know but he liked the feeling and he wanted
more.  He had talked to Jacob about his feelings and had been warned a
hundred times not to get his hopes up but he could not help but have
dreams and fantasies.

He had been in a middle of one when he was working on paperwork at the
clinic when one of the nurses' came by to talk about the day's
patients.  She had reached out to hand him the charts but to get to them
he would have had to stand up which would of shown off his hard on.  It
took her a few seconds to realize that he was not going to stand up so
she dropped them on his desk...taking it as another of his cold shoulder
tactics.  That was ok... he didn't think he would be winning any
popularity contests any time soon.  His patients noticed the difference
though.  Seeing a smile on his face for the first time was hard to miss.
All of them would ask the staff who was the girl who finally turned him
around.  The nurse would always have to hold back a laugh to that, but
they were not going to tell the patients that it took a good ass fucking
to get that man to grin.

Today was Tuesday, which meant new patients were coming in for their
initial appointments.  As they were usually not divided among the doc's
until they arrived, Chance had no idea who had been waiting in one of his
exam rooms.

"Darren!"  Chance called out in surprise.

"Hey Chance," Darren blushed.

"What are you doing here?"

"I am in the market for a new doc so I decided to stop by."

"Why... is there anything wrong with Dr. Lowell?"

"Not at all... its just that he is planning to retire in a few years so I
thought I..."

"You would get a head start on the rush."

"Yeah..." Darren said guiltily."

"Well go ahead and take your clothes off," Chance said as an automatic
statement he gave all patients but when he saw Darren go through with it
he could not hide a blush or the stirring of his loins.  "Any health
problems I need to be aware of?"

"Not that I know of.  Had a clean bill of health six months ago."

"Good... I wish most of my patients were so lucky," is what he said but
what went through his mind was he wished all his patients were so good
looking.  During the exam, which took a lot longer then normal, Chance
examined nearly every part of Darren's body as if there was an unseen
break somewhere.  The only time Chance hesitated was the checking of
hernia.  He placed his hand just above the ban of Darren's boxers.
Chance looked into his blue eyes as they sparked at him.  Then as if his
hand had a will of its own e let it slip inside and grip Darren's dick.
Darren responded by coughing twice, giving Chance a reassuring smile
before pulling him into a kiss.

Just as their lips met, the door opened revealing Jacob's stunned face.
Chance went pale, quickly picked up his paper work and left the room,
almost running into Jacob.

"Ok Darren... want to tell me what this is all about?"  Jacob asked in a
soft voice after he had closed the door.

"I don't know what I am doing," Darren said, clearly stressed as he
tried to put his clothes back on.

"Well you want to know what I think?"

"You're going to tell me any way?"

"You're in love with him... Chance that is... but both of you are chicken
shits to tell each other."

"No... that can't be it?"  Darren said as more of a question.

"Darren... why do you try to spend so much time with him?  Why did you
come here and why do both of you use the same excuse for why you can't
get close."

"What excuse?"

"The "Chance picked Philip over breakfast" excuse."

"But he did."

"Yes, but can't a girl change her mind... can't you?"  Jacob said in
hope Darren would see how this related to himself.

"You mean Philip and me?"

"Yes... Darren. I know he was there for you when you needed someone but
did you ever love him like you did Will or me even?"

"No..." Darren said truthfully but with a great sense of guilt.

Having gotten that statement from him, Jacob was half tempted to tell him
that Will was still alive but he chose not to.  No reason to add more
chaos to the situation.

"Darren... you have a lot in your relationship with Philip... you have a
family, a somewhat devoted husband, and stability.  The thing you are
missing though is love.  You like Philip and being with him easy but you
don't love him... not like you should at least."

"Are you saying Philip and me should break up?"

"No... I'm not saying that but you need to stop playing mind games with
Chance.  He really likes you and I think you like him also.  You just
have to go and admit to him your feelings or else everyone... including
Philip are going to become resentful."

"What does Chance think about me?"

"He finds you charming... and very gentle.  But he also thinks he can
never have you."

"Because of Philip?"

"No... because of me," Jacob confessed.  "I told him you were an easy
man to be loved by but a hard man to accept love."

"Because of you..." Darren said, hurt.

"Yes... Darren, if you ever really knew how much I loved you or that Will
loved you, none of the complex stuff that happened would of occurred.
You would have made your choice so much earlier then you did.  Darren,
you did not know how much stress you gave me... worrying about how to keep
you."

"I'm sorry Jacob.  I really am."

"I know, the last thing you want to do is hurt the people you love.  But
Darren, you need to understand that people fall in love with you faster
then you do with them, if you ever do.  It hurts to have one's feelings
ignored but you don't ignore them, you mis-categorize them.  Love you
take for friendship.  Desire you treat as a person looking up to his
older brother.  Passion... you give plenty... too much in fact.  I know it
is the only way you know how to make love but it confuses people."

"I... I don't know what to say."

"Well don't say you're sorry.  There is nothing for you to be sorry
about.  But I must say I am curious.  Chance is the first guy you have
ever pursued... since me."  Jacob said to lighten the mood.

"I guess."

"No guess... I'm right."

"Ok... you're right."

"So tell me... what has brought out the hunter in you?"  Jacob laughed.

"I don't know.  He's real handsome, very sincere, has really a simple
personality and I guess I feel that he needs me."

"Where you don't feel that Philip does?"

"Not in the same way.  He loves me and needs my love but Chance needs my
understanding... my concern... my kindness..."

"It's ok Darren, you don't have to list it.  This is what I think...
You liked Philip because he was there when you needed him, but now that
need is gone and now all you find yourself left with is an obligation to
return his love."

"I don't like how that sounds."

"It's not meant to sound nice...." Jacob said before continuing.  "But
now your role is reversed... Chance is the one who needs help and you are
the one who wants to give it.  That is all fine and good but what happens
when Chance no longer needs you in that way.   Will you still love him or
he you?"

"I don't know."

"I don't expect you to know.  No one can until it happens.  So this is
what I will recommend.  You are the first crush he has let himself admit
to and like all first crushes they can be just the product of wanting to
be loved.  So I say let him play the field and see if he can find someone
for himself.  Let him learn how real relationships work with all the
messy disagreements, breakups, and rejections."

"It will hurt."

"Yes, but Darren, if you really love him and he you, he will pass this
test a stronger person who will not be dependent on your help, and if you
can still love a man who does not really need you... then I think the two
of you stand a chance."

*****************************************************

 After his talk with Darren, Jacob went looking for Chance.  He was
exactly where he thought he would be, brooding in his office.

"Leave me alone," Chance mumbled as he continued to look down at his
desk.

"No... you need to hear what I have to say.  I'm sorry Chance, for being
such a downer whenever you wanted to talk about your feelings for
Darren.  I guess I just did not want to think Darren could share your
feelings."

"He loves me?"  Chance said in surprise.

"He wants to love you... is probably a more precise phrase."

"What do you mean?"

"Darren likes you... a lot but together you two both have problems.
Darren is still with Philip and you... well, when it comes to
relationships, you are still a virgin."

"Why is that an issue?"

"Because Darren has the habit... be it good or bad... of taking care of
people who need him.  With your experience in relationships or lack
thereof... things would not be equal between the two of you."

"So he would be my teacher... is that so bad?"

`It is if that is the only basis of your relationship.  What happens
when the teacher has nothing left to teach?  Either he will go looking
for a new student or you will go looking for a new teacher."

"I see... why all this concern?  We are both adults?"

"Because if you and Darren get hitched it will be more then your lives
affected.  First there is Philip, and second there are the kids and
third..."

"Yes... and third?"

"There is Will.  If you really want to be with Darren you need to know
about Will."

"What about him... he's dead isn't he?"

"No he's not.  He's alive and living in the Caribbean."

"Why has he not come back then... doesn't he know how much Darren misses
him?"

"He does and he did make an attempt to come back, but Chris and I put a
stop to it.  You see, Darren and Philip had just decided to adopt Kyle
the same time Will's letter arrived.  Call it bad timing but it was just
not the moment for Darren to find out his husband was alive and
kicking."

"I see, but why have you still not told him?"

"Think about it.  Your best friend thinks the love of his life is dead.
Then you intercept a letter from this "dead man" but you don't tell
your best friend.  What do you think best friend will do if he learns the
truth?"

"Be very mad," Chance said flatly.   This deception made him angry.

"Yes, well that is one side of Darren I have not seen and I never want
to."

"So you are scared?"  Chance realized.

"Yes... you have no idea how fucked up things are right now.  The only
thing holding things together is that Darren doesn't know how bad things
are messed up.  Everyone is depending on him not knowing the truth."

"And what is the truth?"  Chance demanded.

Jacob told him.  Told him everything.  He explained Will's not feeling
he deserved Darren and that being the main reason he had run off.  He
told how Philip, out of jealousy, had shot Will.   He went over in low
detail how he still had feelings for Darren, that he missed him greatly
even though he still loved Chris. Jacob went over in greater detail how
Tara both hated and loved Darren at the same time and how he, Jacob,
feared she might one day try to get back at Darren through John.  Then
Jacob went over the things only he and Chris knew.  That for the past two
months Philip had only pretended to go to work.  The pressure of everyone
but Darren knowing that he had shot Will had become too much for him.  He
had resigned quietly in the hope that if the truth was ever leaked to the
public, his fellow officers would not fall with him.  He also never got
over the shock of John picking up his gun.  Chris had learned of all this
from Philip's uncle, the judge.

"And you don't think Darren needs someone like me right now?"  Chance
said flabbergasted.

"He needs someone that is true.  I would want to do it but with all the
secrets I'm now keeping from him, I don't think he would ever trust me
again.  Philip is a sinking ship.  Guilt is slowly destroying him.  When
it comes to you.... I guess I could say that I don't want you to get
sucked into our madness but that would not be the whole truth.  The truth
is that things look good right now.  Everyone is trying to be happy but
it is a happiness based on lies and deceptions."

Jacob stopped for a long while before continuing.  "Darren is not in
love with Philip.  He never has been.  He feels responsible for him
though.  What I saw in the exam room reminded me of the days when he and
I were together.  He is falling for you Chance, but in doing so I'm
afraid his whole world will collapse.

*********************************************************

And so together they made some decisions.  First, Chance insisted he end
his education with Philip but Jacob got him to agree to soften the blow
by saying he wanted to try "dating".  Jacob would show him the bars and
clubs and Chance would try to learn what made a relationship.  Jacob had
hoped that Chance would agree to look seriously on getting a real
relationship but Chance said he was not going to risk Darren over another
guy.  Chance agreed to keep their secrets for the moment but if he felt
Darren was in danger of making a serious mistake based on false beliefs
he would confess all to him.

The first ticking time bomb they decided to work on first was Tara.
Philip had said no to Darren donating sperm for another child but since
his refusal, Tara had not stopped talking about moving back to Chicago.
Jacob knew this would just lead to a custody fight and he still did not
have confidence that the courts would be unbiased towards a gay father.

Their solution to the problem was to offer another person to be the dad.
In this case Chance volunteered.  Becoming a dad he felt would just bring
him closer to understanding Darren.

"No offense Chance, but I don't know a thing about you," Tara said
after he and Jacob made their offer.

"Tara, you said you wanted another child... Chance is just offering to be
the sperm donor.  You have to admit he is cute and a doctor to boot."

"Yes I'm sure his genes are great but what I am looking for is..."

"Is a father but fact is sis, Darren and you are not getting back
together.  You can blame me if you want but Darren is a fag... and a darn
good one.  So let him be what he is good at and let him be."

"Damn you Jacob," Tara yelled her brother.

"Tara... come on.  You can't keep on living on what could have been."

"Well, don't tell me you don't think about being with him," Tara
said, sending her brother's accusation back at him.

"I do sis, but I don't let it control my life."

"That's it... I'm moving back to Kansas."

"That's fine sis, but John is staying here."

"What!  You want to separate him from his mother?"

"Tara... you gave Darren John back when you thought it would help you
with Thomas."

"That was a mistake.  I should have left him sooner.  That is no reason
he should not have a mother."

"But what about a father?"

"Nothing is stopping Darren from going back to Kansas as well."

"Ha... so that is your plan.  Blackmail Darren into going back with you...
away from his friends.  All it will do is make both of you unhappy"

 "I don't care," She pouted.  I have already bought the plane tickets
and don't think your friend the judge will stop me.  I didn't ask for
custody in Florida but filed back in Kansas.  According to my attorney
the judge is very concerned with my son living in this environment."

"That's it... I'm taking away your fag hag licenses."

"Good because I can't take it anymore.  I'm tired with being around
guys who just want to be friends.  I'm tired of walking into a room full
of cute guys knowing that not a single one of you are interested in me."

"Then go out and date.  Hang out at single bars.  Find yourself a good
one night stand but don't take it out on Darren and John!"

"Jacob... I've made my decision," Tara said with finality.

"Then you give me no choice I have to ask you to leave."

"You are kicking me out onto the street?"

"You can get a hotel room.  Sis, I can't trust you anymore."

"Then I'm taking John with me."

"No you're not," Chance said standing up.

"Fine!  I'll just go and pick up my things then but if you think
you're going to keep John you are mistaken."

After Chance escorted Tara off the property he went back to Jacob.
"Well that was fucked up."

"Yeah... going to have to call a locksmith... that will be easy.  It's
telling Darren that will be hard."

**************************************************



Jacob had Philip take the kids out for ice cream so he could finally give
Darren the bad news.  To say Darren was mad would be an understatement.
He did not yell.  He did not lash out.  His face darkened and eyes
hardened while his fists clenched.

"What do you recommend I do?"  Darren asked after a long period of
silence.

"We need to make sure that John never ends up in Kansas while we
petition the Florida courts for full custody."

"But what if the Kansas courts award her custody."

"Then it becomes a federal case but I would bet that possession is going
to be 9/10's of the law.  As long as John lives with you the courts will
be hard pressed to take him away," Chris said... giving the advice Judge
Kamp had given him.

"So how do I keep my son?"

"Well before now I didn't think she would resort to kidnapping, but now
it is a possibility especially if she gets the court in Kansas to grant
her custody. So for his own safety I would pull John out of daycare...
keep him close to home."

"Ok... Kyle would like that," Darren said in a hard attempt to see
something positive.

"Yeah... we should also have two of us with the kids at all times."

"Ok.  Do you think that Philip can use his police connections to keep an
eye on the house?"

"You would have to ask him," Jacob said hating that he could not tell
Darren the truth.

When the kids got back home with their ice cream cones Darren took Philip
aside.  "We are going to have to take John out of preschool."

"I know hon... are you doing ok?"

"Not really... I keep on bouncing between anger and fear."

"Well I guess I better stay home to keep an eye on you," Philip weakly
smiled.

"Thanks.  I was also wondering if you could get one of your police
friends to watch over the house once in a while... just to be safe."

"Yeah I could ask them..." Philip said moodily.

"What's wrong?"

"It's nothing..."

"Come on Philip... it's not like things can get much worse."

"I quit the force."

"When?"

"A few months ago."

"And you didn't think you could tell me?"

"I just needed some time.  I've been under a lot of stress."

"Ok..." Darren said.  He wanted to know more but Philip's tone of voice
indicated that would not be welcomed right now.

"I'm sorry Darren.  The last thing you need right now is another person
to worry about.  I'm ok.  I really am."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not right now but thanks."

"Alright," Darren said failing to hide his disappointment.  He then
left the kitchen for the living room sofa to be alone.

*********************************************

It was on the sofa that Chance found him, curled up on the couch hugging
the pillow under his head.  Darren looked so sad with the vacant
expression on his face.

"You doing ok?"  Chance asked concerned as he sat next to him.

"Not really.  I feel like everyone has been hiding their feelings from
me."

"Well I guess I'm guilty of the same... I really like you Darren."

"Hehehehe... I knew that but thanks for telling me.  Good news for a
change."

"Yeah... but Jacob still wants me to play the field so to speak.  Get to
know other guys."

"It is a good idea.  You need to keep your options open."

"You mean not to fall head over heels over the first guy I have let
myself have feelings over."

"Yeah..." Darren struggled to say.

Seeing Darren was in real need of comfort, Chance joined him on the sofa
and hugged him.  "Now that we are speaking truthfully... isn't there
something you should tell me?"

"I like you too Chance," Darren said as if he were embarrassed.

"So what are we going to do?"  Chance asked, his lips only centimeters
from Darren's.

Darren sighed before responding.  "You are going to the club with Jacob
tonight and I am going to learn how to control my libido."

"Alright," Chance agreed.  Right now he was sure he could get Darren to
change his mind but it would not be right to push him into a
relationship.