Date: 30 Jan 1997 06:57:54 -0000
From: Mann Loving <beefcakelover@hotmail.com>
Subject: Wheelchair STUD

===============================================
Okay guys, here's another one not intended to be viewed by
persons under age 18 or those offended by all-male love,
romance, sex.
===============================================

Wheelchair STUD
By Man Loving

This is not just a story for you horny guys, this is a love note to my man. 
He's heard it before, but I wanted to put it in writing.
I was in the big corporate cafeteria inhaling a grilled chicken submarine
sandwich with a buddy of mine.  Theo isn't gay but he's very cool about it.  We
actually became better friends than just acquaintances when I mistook him for
being gay.  Because a guy has a quiet nature, likes arts, and is single,
doesn't automatically mean they're gay.  Theo is African American, about 5'9"
and has a husky build.  I kind of gravitate to that kind of build. 
Fortunately, he also wasn't a jerk.  He thanked me, said he felt flattered, and
that was all.  He's a great friend.

I should tell you about myself as well.  I'm a masculine, 29 year old
mixed-blood Italian and German-American guy, 5'8", 155 lbs., sandy brown hair
and blue eyes.  I've always had very pale skin.  I wish I had more of a tan
complexion.  Whatever, I like guys who's skin is darker than my own.

As Theo and I were talking about whatever and just having a good time, someone
in a wheelchair rolled past our table.  I didn't make a special effort to look,
but just gave a casual glance.  It was a guy, his meal tray was on his lap and
he was wheeling himself to a table a few feet away from ours.  Someone had
gotten there earlier and tipped the seats so that would be diners would not
bother that table.  They had also removed one chair so that the chair-bound
friend would have a place to eat.

Theo and I shared news about events in our departments.  I was taking a night
class at the local university and he had joined a kayaking club.  Every so
often my eyes would wonder over to the table where the wheel-chaired guy was. 
The people around him were a mixed bunch of women and men.

He was an Asian or Polynesian guy.  I was attracted to him not so much over his
ethnicity, even thought that dark tan, light brownish-olive skin is very
beautiful!  This guy was hot.  He looked about 35, had black hair clipped into
a military-styled haircut.  If he could stand up he'd probably be about 5'9". 
He had broad shouldered and muscular chest and arms.  There was a very manly
persona about him and I was in heat.

"Aaron, you're not even listening to me.  Did you hear what I was saying?"

I laughed at being caught.  "Ha ha, I'm sorry, Theo, man.  What did you say?"

Theo didn't even bother.  He turned his head, looking in the direction I'd been
staring.

"Who you got your eyes on now?" he said with a smile and we both had a good
laugh.  "Always checkin' out the 'mens'", he added trying to tease me even
more.  We'd grown comfortable teasing each other about our lack of love life,
and catching the other when Theo had his eyes glued on some woman or mine were
on some guy.  He glanced over to the direction of the beautiful dude in the
wheelchair.  Theo would keep looking over there if I didn't say who I was
looking at.

"It's the guy in the wheelchair." I said.

Theo focused in on that table and then the guy.  I didn't say anything, waiting
to hear what Theo would say.  I've only seen maybe a hand-full of 'disabled'
guys whom I might have pursued.  This guy was probably number six.

Physical disability has been a scary thing for me especially having a
relationship with a guy who's disabled.  I love, I mean, LOVE anal, I can enjoy
either side of the coin if you know what I mean.  But how would that work with
a physically disabled guy, and what about safety?  How did he protect himself
from bashers in general who tried to take advantage of him for being in a
wheelchair?  Did he have to stay indoors after a certain hour at night, or
never go out alone?  I don't know why I was having thoughts like that over this
guy cause I didn't even know him, let alone know if he was gay!

"Do you know him?" Theo questioned.

"No" I offered.

"Well my friend, you gotta first see if he's on the same team as you."

I knew what Theo meant.  I wanted to, I wanted to find out who the guy was.  My
heart began to race.  "Damn, what if he's into guys like me?" I thought to
myself.  My cock was hard with desire and need.

There was no way of meeting the guy there that day during lunch and it was a
month later till I saw him again.  He was in a training class on HTML. 
Standing in the doorway, I focused in on the room, taking note of who was
there, and where.  It was mostly women, but he was there and the space next to
him was not occupied.  I hoped I didn't look to frantic as I rushed to get the
available seat.

It was there that I got to talk to him.  He was a very nice guy.  His name was
Curtis, and he worked in the network support area of our company.  He lived
down close to the gay part of town.  That location also has a couple of
universities too, so that bit of information didn't help me.  There still was
hope in him being gay.  Even so, the question about sex remained.  Who would do
what to or for whom?  The more I thought about it, the more aroused I became. 
Curtis and I were already fucking each other in my mine. After class was over,
I suggested that we stay in touch and maybe have lunch sometime.

We did have lunch, on a number of occasions.  We even saw a movie at the
theater one night after work, and worked out two or three times at a gym he
belongs to.

During that time I found out he wasn't what I thought he was racially.  He was
adopted and the records showed that his birth parents were black and white.  He
even told me about the football injury that he'd had while in college - the
same one that put him in the wheelchair.  We talked a lot about being
"able-bodied" and "disabled".  I couldn't imagine not being able to play
racquetball or go running any more, as I love them both, and I told him the
same.

He and Theo met once when I had arranged a casual Saturday night get-together
with friends in the clubhouse of my apartment complex.  Theo thought he might
be gay, though Curtis' strong masculinity threw my 'gaydar' off track.

I learned that Curtis was very protective of his independence.  He rarely asked
a friend over to help around the house.  He had a house cleaner come by maybe
once a week, that was all.

We'd more or less skirted around the issue of ever talking about girlfriends -
if we had them.  I followed his lead, and he was comfortable leading.  Some
times I would have a moment of panic, thinking that I more or less felt was
giving and receiving intimacy with Curtis like what I imagined lovers might
feel toward each other. Yet I was still a man, and Curtis treated me like his
equal pal.  This was strange.  And yes, the question - was Curtis gay like me? 
Was I falling in love without even knowing for sure if I were barking up the
wrong tree?

One evening we were just fresh from attending a college hockey game and were
sitting in his retrofitted van after getting drive-through at Taco Time.  

"So, you got a girlfriend, Aaron?" he asked me, after I'd taken a good mouth
full of salsa-covered burrito.  "You haven't had one since we've known each
other.

Why'd he wait to ask me that question just now?  "No, man I don't." I answered
with a little chuckle, and after chewing down a bit of the food.  "And you?"  I
didn't want to jump into anything until I knew where he might be coming from.

"No.  We both might alike in that area," he said as he winked one eye at me.

"Oh shit", I thought "he's gay!"  But still there was room for me to
misunderstand what he meant.

I gave off a laugh to kind of diffuse the awkward suspense. "Hmm, I don't know.
 What do you mean?"

"You know what I'm talking about," he said in an almost stern voice as if to
say "Don't play games with me."
We both just sat there and stared at the other, waiting for one of us to stop
the cat and mouse 'fact-finding' game we each had been playing.

"Well if you know the answer, if we really are alike as you say, then I don't
need to answer your question.  You tell me what the answer is!" I said,
challenging him.

"You're a fag," he shot back in a low tone so others couldn't hear.  I bristled
up in defense.  I hated that word.  If I was a 'fag', did he mean to call
himself one too?

"I'm a fag too," he offered as an answer to my unspoken question.  "I'm a
fuckin' manly queer and I'm proud of it.  You know what I mean?  I like
man-love and man-sex."

I was rock hard.  I'm glad we were alone in his van.  I wanted to jump his
bones or have him do what he wanted with me.  We had to talk about sex, I had
to know what his sex life had been since being in the wheelchair.

"I knew I was gay and even had a boyfriend before I had the injury.  I was a
jock on campus.  I still love sports, hell, I still am a jock - a jock with a
smart brain and a good job too," he said with a laugh.

"Curtis. I like you."  I just blurted it out, not really thinking.  Just
saying those words shook me out of my daydream.  I'd been thinking "I want to
date this man.  I want to be his boyfriend.  I could like this guy even if I
had to deal with his different physical ability.  I didn't care, I wanted
Curtis and wanted him to want me.

"Thank God, I thought I was the only one of us who wanted more." Curtis said. 
We both laughed.  We laughed from feeling relieved of the major question we two
men had been asking ourselves.  "Does he like me?  Would he want to be my
boyfriend?"

"Well we've been kind of dating for a month already haven't we?" I asked.  It
had in fact been over two months since we first had lunch together and a month
since we had gone to the movies together.

"I guess you're right.  We have been dating and didn't even recognize it."

I looked over at him.  "Curtis, I've never been with a guy who's," it was
weird, we'd talked about his physical disability, his life before the injury
and after on a number of occasions.  Why was I afraid to talk about it now? 
Shouldn't I get used to talking about these things if I want to have a
relationship with this guy?  Shouldn't I stop being ashamed of his abilities?

I was in this handsome man's van, this man who was attracted to me and I
attracted to him.   Why was I spooking out on Curtis' disability now?  Curtis
was much more than just a differently-abled.  He was intelligent, fun to be
with, and sexy.  His manliness was sexy.

"Curtis, I'm new at dating a guy with physical disabilities.  In a way, I don't
feel any different about us than I did before tonight.  But there's, you
know."  I was stuck, and he'd just been sitting there letting me struggle to
express what I felt.

"Aaron, I'm different.  I can't walk and run like you.  That's mostly all the
difference we have in that area.  I'm a man, Aaron.  I'm a gay man, and I love
to make love just like you," he said in a sober yet comforting tone.  He held
onto the steering wheel with one hand and leaned toward me sitting in the
passenger seat.

"What are you doing?" I asked, laughing.  I knew, but this would be it.  We
would actually do it.  Oh my god, we would do it!

"You gonna leave me hangin'?"

"What!" I asked, continuing our game - me playing the inexperienced virgin, and
Curtis the experienced one showing me the ropes about being the boyfriend of a
special guy like himself.

"You gonna come over here and give 'Curtis' a kiss?" he asked.
A kiss?  Hell, not only did I want to kiss him I wanted us to get naked in the
back of his van.  Fuck being scared, I wanted to do whatever he did.  I wanted
to be his.  It would be awkward at the start, but I'd get over it.  I wouldn't
be making love to his disability or ability, but to him - the masculine,
independent, and studly 'Curtis' inside of his mind in his personality.

"Come over here," he repeated.  "You need to know that I, 'Curtis', am a man. 
I'm your man," he emphasized.
I leaned over and gave him a quick peck on the lips with both our eyes closed. 
They were closed probably because he was expecting more and I didn't know what
to expect.  We were still face to face after my 'kiss'.  I thank God that
Curtis was so patient with me, he knew I wanted him, that I needed him.  He
also knew that I needed to overcome this silly phobia of the unknown.  He knew
that I'd eventually realize that the essence of things had not changed.  Abled
guys and disabled guys fall in love because they are in love with each other. 
Even those who only want sex do so because they want sex with each other. 
There are no monsters, just horny guys able to satisfy each other's desires and
needs.

"What was that?" he asked with a smirk while looking deep into my eyes so close
to his.  I could feel his breath on my face.  He didn't move.  I could kiss
this man, he wanted to kiss me on the lips because I was a man, he liked that -
being a man himself and mouth kissing with another man.

Curtis reached his large right hand around to the back of my neck.  He massaged
my neck for a second then firmly pulled my face to his.  I looked into his
olive-brown eyes, his smooth creamy brown skin.  What I saw before me was a
beautiful man, the face of my experienced, able, and gay 'older brother'.  My
eyes closed, I parted my lips, my mouth would be his, I would use my mind and
my body for his pleasure, to say 'I love you', to say 'You and me Mr. Curtis
are made for each other'.  Curtis knew he was a man, it was society's
brainwashing that was almost preventing me from viewing my own boyfriend, yes
MY boyfriend as the man he was.  I knew what I had to do to fully rid myself of
society's sickness.  I had to submit to Curtis, I had to have him take control
of me in bed.

I can't go into all the detail of our first night together.  Let's just say
that Curtis and I are still together and enjoying every aspect of sex including
my favorite - backdoor - fully versatile.  Use your imagination.  We haven't
missed a thing sexually.  In fact he's shown me how much I didn't know, how
much I hadn't experienced.
I think about this every time I'm cheering him at one of his chair races.  He's
more man than I'll ever be.  I love you Baby, and I love showing you so in bed!


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