Date: Thu, 13 May 1999 16:42:54 PDT
From: "Robert J. Cutter" <cutter57@hotmail.com>
Subject: "WINE COUNTRY - Chapter 5" (Man/Man)

Disclaimer: The following is a work of fiction.  It contains detailed
depictions of consensual male sex.  If this or any other aspect of
male/male sex offends you or if you are averse to anything homosexual,
please go elsewhere.

Author's Note: This is the fifth chapter in a novel length work about Jack
and Jevin, their friends and families.  If you have any comments (good, bad
or indifferent) please write to me at my e-mail address:
cutter57@hotmail.com.  I appreciate all comments and criticism and will
answer all e-mails.  Since this is the only feedback I get, please take a
few minutes and make your opinions known.

Robert J. Cutter


			       WINE  COUNTRY
	 Copyright 1999 by Robert J. Cutter - All Rights Reserved

The author retains all rights to this story.  It is not permissible to
distribute it to any newsgroups and/or other web sites without the express
written consent and permission of the author.

	  -------------------------------------------------------
			  For My Sweet Aussie Man


		     Chapter 5 - Sunday Night Thoughts

Jack knew he was in the midst of the greatest fucking he ever had in his
life.  He felt a tremendous thrill and a jolt when Jevin's wonderfully low
hanging ball sac began to slap him on his ass cheeks.  God, what a feeling!
He knew that Jevin's whole length was now in him.  He felt that glorious
7-1/2 inch teenage cock filling him up like he had never remembered being
filled before.  Jack could not count the number of times he had been fucked
in the almost twenty years that he engaged exclusively in male sex, but
this one was definitely special.  He knew this because the person he was
having sex with was very, very special to him.  Was he in love with this
eighteen-year-old kid?  This boy?  Could things have turned around so
suddenly for him?

"Jev!  Oh, Christ, Jevyboy!  You're all the way in!  It's absolutely
fantastic!  I've never felt anything as great!"

Jevin was silent except for some very heavy breathing through his mouth.
When he did speak it was only with supreme effort.  "Oh, God!  Jack!  It's
so wonderful...so absolutely wonderful.  I knew having sex with you would
be just great, but I never believed that it could be this great.  Jack,
this is the greatest I ever felt.  This is the best!"

"I know, Jev.  I know!  It's stupendous!"  Jack could not fathom how great
he felt.  Knowing that Jevin had all of his 7-1/2 inches up his ass made
Jack squirm with absolute delight.  While it wasn't the biggest dong he'd
ever taken Jack knew it was certainly the best.  Maybe it was because he
knew that this was the first time Jevin had put his incredible cock up
anyone's ass.  Whatever, the reason, Jack was more excited than he could
ever remember being.

"Now Jev, pull out slowly and push back in again.  Just begin a slow
pumping action."

"Then what?"

"I won't have to tell you anything else.  You'll find out without any more
questions!"

Jevin wanted to rest for a while.  He was so incredibly excited that he
knew he needed to slow down.  His entire cock was now completely embedded
in Jack's hot, palpitating ass.  It felt magnificent; he knew this was the
epitome of his love making sessions with Jack this weekend.  The warmth
from Jack's body just flooded his own and created longings and desires
Jevin had never, ever felt before.  He opened his eyes and looked down on
Jack's broad back; he moved arm stump over the blonde hairs.  He rubbed the
stump slowly and soothingly over that expanse of hair; he massaged Jack's
heavily muscled and beautiful back.  "What a man!" he thought.  "What a
fabulous man!"

Jack started to moan quietly and slowly began to rock his ass back and
forth.  Jevin felt the effect on his cock; he rubbed Jack's back a little
harder with the stump of his arm.  Jevin felt so relaxed and so calm that
it frightened him somewhat.  "Why am I so serene?  Here I am fucking this
absolute stud, this man of my dreams, and yet I seem so calm."

Jack continued to moan and groan making sounds that Jevin hadn't heard from
him before.  He also started to move his ass a bit more.  Jevin slowly
moved his arm stump from Jack's back and began to slowly play with and
massage Jack's nipples.  He began to rub them gently but firmly, tracing
little circles around each of Jack's fully erect nipples with his stump.

Jack could not believe the thrills coursing through his body.  The feelings
were phenomenal, feeling that he had never encountered in all his years of
sexual activity.

Jevin knew that this was the most wonderful experience of his life; it was
not only the best sexual experience but the greatest experience period!
His body didn't feel like his body.  He felt like he was almost outside his
body and was looking down at two men making passionate love to each
other. He continued to move his arm stump over and over Jack's nipples and
chest; each moan from Jack amplified the extreme feelings he had for this
fabulous stud.  Jack was reacting like a writhing animal and Jevin loved it
all!  "I can't wait `til I get to his cock!" Jevin thought to himself.

Jevin's cock was moving slightly in and out of Jack's incredibly hot ass
because Jack was wiggling so much.  Jevin decided to begin his own humping
motion, to begin thrusting his cock deeper and deeper into Jack's rectum
and to begin letting Jack feel the full extent of his member.

So Jevin withdrew his cock slightly and then pushed it back in.  It was
only about one half inch at first and he did it quite slowly; each time he
did, though, he heard Jack moan and sigh heavily.  Jevin began to increase
the length of his strokes; when he did he noticed that he apparently was
stroking a rather hard object inside of Jack's tight rectum.

"Oh, God, Jevyboy!  You're clipping me every time!  It's incredible!"

"What am I doing, Jack?"

"You're clipping my prostate every time you thrust into my ass.  It's
absolutely the greatest!  It's just stupendous!"

"So that's what I'm hitting," Jevin thought to himself.  "I'm getting his
prostate with every stroke.  It feels wonderful to me and it must feel
fantastic to him.  I must keep doing this and keep Jack on the very edge.
I've gotta learn to keep this up."

Jevin again lengthened his strokes; he knew that Jack was feeling each and
every inch of his cock and feeling his prostate being rubbed and rubbed on
each thrust.  He began to move his arm stump slowly down Jack's chest
towards that waiting and straining cock, while he continued to tweak his
nipples with his right hand and fingers.

Jack's body was really rocking back and forth now as Jevin lengthened those
strokes and began to speed up how fast he was thrusting in and out.  His
arm stump had reached and was massaging the hairy mound above Jack's cock.
He intensified the pressure with the stump and Jack began to moan very
loudly.  Finally Jevin lightly touched the end of his stump to the head of
Jack's cock and Jack went absolutely crazy.  His body began moving in
different directions simultaneously.  He was calling out Jevin's name and
cursing and muttering things that Jevin could not understand.

Jevin was delighting in the feeling of power he had over Jack; for the
first time in his life he was exerting physical power over a person more
physically adept than him.  It was a very heady experience.  His cock felt
so marvelous being enveloped and secure in Jack's pulsing hot chute.  Jevin
felt the warmth pervade his entire body.  He even felt it in his arm stump
as he slowly began to stroke Jack's cock shaft with his arm remnant.

Jack was like a bucking bronco.  They were both going for an incredible and
seemingly unending ride, one that Jevin knew was the most phenomenal of his
young life.  Jevin's first lesson in anal intercourse seemed to be a
resounding triumph.

Jevin kept thrusting his cock in and out and began to move his arm stump up
and down the entire length of Jack's thick cock.  He also touched Jack's
ball sac for the first time.  He could not believe the noises coming out of
the both of them - the moans, the screams, the bellows of excitement, the
cries of contentment.  Jevin was in heaven - these sounds were glorious
music to his ears and he reveled in each and every one of them.

Jack started to really gasp for breath and Jevin knew they were both very
near to orgasm.  "Jev!  Jev!  I'm getting very close!" Jack screamed.

"So am I, Jack!  So am I!" Jevin screamed back.

Jevin did not let up in his furious pounding of Jack's ass or the
manipulation of his arm stump over the full length of Jack's cock.  He was
also giving extra special attention to Jack's incredibly swinging ball sac.
The feel of Jack's hairy nuts rubbing against his arm stump was amazing.
He knew wanted the most that he could possibly get from this man and he was
certainly getting it.

Jack gave a piercing scream and he let loose.  It was an incredible volley
of cum.  Jevin could feel it coating his arm stump; the warmth and wetness
of it was wonderful.  Jevin also knew that he did not have very far to go.
In fact, when he felt Jack's cock pulsating and spewing out the semen and
his ass contracting and contracting in almost unending spasms, Jevin knew
that it was his time - and it was!  He gave one more huge thrust of his
cock up Jack's ass and he began pumping out his enormous load into the
rubber.

It must have been quite a sight with these two men screaming and yowling.
Jevin could not believe that he had come three times in less than a day and
had fucked a man for the first time in his life.  Jack could not believe
that after more than twenty years with men he had just had the fucking of
his middle aged (and soon to be old) life.

When Jevin finished pumping out his load, he flopped forward onto Jack's
back and became completely limp.  Jack could not keep supporting his own
body and also that of Jevin's.  He collapsed onto the bed and sprawled out,
Jevin spread out on top of him.  They lay there motionless...and totally
spent...and completely exhausted...and entirely contented.

Each was enveloped in his own world - a world of caring and loving and
warmth.  Each knew that he had experienced something he had never
encountered before.
		-----------------------------------------------------------
As Jack lay sprawled out on the bed with Jevin equally stretched out on his
back, his mind was racing.  All these thoughts, all these feeling!  Was it
real?  Was this for real?  What Jevin was offering, was it the real thing?
After all these years of trying, did someone offering real true love just
come into his life by happenstance?  Out of nowhere - a chance meeting in a
bar - a Saturday night quickie - a young college kid.  Is it possible?
Maybe, maybe not.  Jack could not reconcile these two days with Jevin to be
anything more than a weekend well spent.

True, it had to be the greatest fucking he had ever experienced, but what
did that mean?  That the kid was able to perform was not a question.  What
was a question was "Is this the kind of relationship that I need and want?
And why?  What could this kid really have offer?  Yes, great sex - that he
certainly had proved.  But what else?  Companionship?  Possibly so - he
definitely seemed to be the home loving type.  But what else?  What else
can he offer?  What else does he need to offer?  Aren't great sex and great
and loving companionship enough?  What more can a person want?  What more
does a caring person need?  What more do I really need or want?"

He felt that wonderful arm stump still at his groin area - it was touching
his sac.  Jevin moved it very slightly and Jack had to inhale deeply.  The
shock was amazing.  He could never remember being this sensitive after sex.
It was marvelous.  Here he was in his forties and he was experiencing
something new and different in sex.  "This is astounding - this is totally
awesome!" he thought as he felt himself sinking into a light sleep.
"Fucking totally amazing!"
		-----------------------------------------------------------
Jevin felt absolutely numb.  When Jack collapsed onto the bed, Jevin was
spread out on the big man's back.  At first he had absolutely no idea where
he was.  Both of his arms were still under Jack's massive body - his right
arm splayed out on Jack's chest and his left arm stump still in Jack's
crotch area.  He could feel that Jack had come a massive amount - his arm
stump felt coated with Jack's semen.  He was drooling from his mouth onto
Jack's broad back.  Jevin felt that he no control over any of his
extremities or any of his bodily functions.

Without the shadow of a doubt, it was the greatest experience of his entire
life.  Not just sexual experience, but experience period!  The effect was
absolutely earthshaking.  Yes, the earth did move for me!  Jevin could not
believe the extraordinary feeling pervading his entire body and his entire
well being.

He moved his arm stump very slightly and Jack inhaled suddenly and sharply.
Whoa!  Jack's body jerked uncontrollably.  This guy is still massively
sensitive, Jevin thought.  I had better stay still for a few more minutes
otherwise he will start bucking and throw me to the floor.  At this point
Jevin also realized that his cock was still pretty far inside Jack's ass
and that he would have to get it out soon.  Even though his tool had become
somewhat softer he felt that there was still plenty of rigidity to it.  He
knew he needed to pull it out and to remove the condom.  But not quite
yet...not yet.
		-----------------------------------------------------------
Jack felt like he was floating.  It was like he was in a hot air balloon,
floating noiselessly and serenely over a beautiful green and amber
landscape.  Just the slightest whisper of air was blowing across his
forehead.  It was a dream world - it was an absolute dream world.  He never
thought that sex could be such an intoxicant, such a hypnotic drug.  He
could still feel Jevin's incredible cock resting in his rectum.  It was a
delicious feeling.  It made him feel completely whole.  It made him feel
youthful.  It made him happy.  It made him the man he always wanted to be.
		-----------------------------------------------------------
Jevin felt like he was floating.  He was floating on a calm sea in a large
raft, slowing being raised and lowered by the gentle swells.  The
magnificent blue/green sea stretched endlessly before him.  The serenity
was wonderful.  A light breeze seemed to ruffle his hair across his
forehead.  It was a dream world - it was an absolute dream world.  Jevin
could feel the rise and fall of the beautiful sea beneath him.  Of course
he realized that it was Jack's body that was beneath him.  The rhythmic
breathing of his lover caused this rising and falling.  His lover.  What
wonderful words - his lover.  His man.  His Jack.
		-----------------------------------------------------------

Jack knew they would both have to move soon.  He was lying in a pool of his
own semen.  Jevin was still blanketing him with both of his arms under his
heavy body.  Jack began to stir slightly and Jevin decided that it was time
to finally break and move.  He pulled his arms out from under Jack and
slowly sat up on his haunches.  He felt and saw his still semi-hard cock
come out of Jack's ass.  Jevin sat up all the way and began to roll the
condom off.  Jack looked around at him and saw him performing the unrolling
routine; he knew that he wanted to remove it.  He reached over and slowly
rolled the condom off of Jevin's incredibly beautiful cock and found
himself getting excited all over again.

"This was one gorgeous and sexy guy," Jack thought to himself.  He
maneuvered himself so that he could put his arms around Jevin once again.
They hugged each other tightly and kissed.  They fell back onto the bed in
a semi-doze wrapped in each other.

		-----------------------------------------------------------

"Want to shower again, Jack?" Jevin asked his dozing partner.

"Yeah, yeah," Jack said immediately with a slight start and jerk of his
head.  "Yeah, I think that'd be a good idea."

Jevin walked into the bathroom, pissed and turned on the shower.  Jack
straggled into the bathroom and joined Jevin under the shower.  They washed
each other loving and slowly and Jack felt himself beginning to feel human
again.  After the fucking Jevin had given him he had wondered if he would
ever be able to return to normal again.  In almost twenty years of fucking
and being fucked by men, Jack had never experienced anything even remotely
close to this incredible experience.  It was a world class, world
championship fucking he had received!  Was it possible that his incredible
attraction to Jevin was the reason for this total assault on his senses?

They didn't speak one word while they showered and dried each other.  Jevin
changed the sheets on the bed.  They returned to that haven for
replenishment and sleep.

		-----------------------------------------------------------

At around seven o'clock, Jack got out of bed, dressed and prepared to drive
back home.  Jevin immediately became teary-eyed.  They held each other,
hugged and kissed fervently.  Jevin was still naked and loved the feel as
his naked body rubbed against Jack shirt and jeans.  They both became hard
once again.  Jack reached down and lightly stroked Jevin's cock.

"Jev, did anyone ever tell you that you have the most amazing tool in the
whole world?"

"I think you just did, Jack."  Jevin looked down at he floor and then up at
Jack again.  "Do you really like it Jack?  Does it really please you?"

"Like it?  Please me?  I absolutely adore it!  And I absolutely adore you!"

The kissed passionately.  It was a kiss that reaffirmed their love for the
other.  When they broke Jevin started balling almost uncontrollably.  Jack
soothing rubbed his hand up and down Jevin's back and petted his hair
lovingly.  "What's the matter, Jev?"

It took Jevin a few minutes to calm down enough so that he could speak
clearly.  "It's hard for me to say this.  But, Jack, I have never known
love like this in my life - not from another person or even...even from my
family.  I think I am just overwhelmed by the intensity of it all - my
strong feelings for you...and your obvious feelings for me."  He gave out a
little laugh between the small sobs.  "This has been the best weekend of my
entire life...since my bar mitzvah, I think.  Maybe better."

Jack drew back and look quizzically at Jevin.  "You're Jewish?"

"Yeah, I am."  Jevin got a panicked look on his face.  "That doesn't
m-m-make a difference, d-d-d- does it, Jack?" Jevin stammered.

"Oh, god no!  It most certainly does not!"  Jack leaned in for another
kiss.  "My loving Jevin..."

"'Cause some...uh...people find they...don't...like having sex...er...or
associating with...you know..."

"Jevin, get that panicky look off your face.  Now!  I really and truly
don't care.  In fact," Jack continued softly as he blushed and looked down
at the floor, "the first man I ever had sex with was Jewish - David, the
doctor from the post hospital I told you about.  He was Jewish - Captain
David Hirsch, MD."  Jevin finally smiled and they kissed again.  "You know,
I did noticed that...you know...that candle holder thing..."

"Menorah."

"Yes, the menorah on your shelf in the bedroom, but I never gave it another
thought."

"I got that when we were in Israel.  I'm quite active in the Jewish
community here in Santa Rosa.  I'm even vice-president of the Jewish
student organization here on campus.  I do volunteer work at the Jewish
Community Center in town - you know, tutoring kids with their studies and
all, and mentoring."

"That's great!  You are really part of the community.  I think that's
wonderful."  Jack paused and looked a bit guilty.  "I was born and raised a
Catholic.  However, I can honestly say that I haven't been inside a
Catholic Church since..." Jevin noticed that Jack was starting to tear up a
bit "...a...er...family funeral a number of years ago."  Jack paused again
and wiped his eyes.  "Wilkenson doesn't sound like a particularly Jewish
name, though."

"Well, it wasn't Wilkenson when my great-great-grandfather first came to
this country.  It was a long Russian name that I can hardly pronounce."
Jevin chuckled.

"Would you mind being seen around town with your goyish boyfriend?"  Jevin
started crying again.  "Jevin, Jevin, we can't have you balling like this
every few minutes.  What is it?"

"You c-c-c-called me your b-b-b-boyfriend."

"That's what I am; at least, that's what I hope I am.  I'm your boyfriend
and you are my boyfriend."  He picked Jevin's face up with both his hands
and kissed his very wet face.  "Okay?"

"Yeah.  Boyfriends.  I like that a lot.  An awful lot!"  He hugged Jack
tightly.  "By the way, where did you learn the term goyish?"  They both
laughed.

"Remember, I lived in San Francisco for a few years."

"You know, Jack Turner even sounds a bit Jewish."

		---------------------------------------------------------

On the drive back Jack had time to think of the overwhelming events of the
last two days - not even two days, more like something just over
twenty-four hours.

This was the first time he had not been with Jevin since they had met
yesterday evening in the Mayfair Grille. The more he thought about them the
more and more overwhelming these events became.  He felt that so much had
happened that he could not get everything clear and sorted in his mind.
Times began overlapping into other times and events forgotten...and then
remembered.

Jack realized with growing dismay that they had done a lot and said a lot
of things together.  The more he started recreating the happenings of the
last two day the more he began to regret some of the events that had
transpired between him and that really fine, very young man.

He knew that the lovemaking had been wonderful - and that they both had
really enjoyed it and savored it.  He adored Jevin's sexy body, his totally
winning personality and that absolutely gorgeous arm stump.  Everything
about Jevin was perfect - from his long silky hair to his sexy toes.
Everything was just perfect.

But the difference in their ages began to weigh on Jack's mind all over
again.  "How could such a beautiful, sexy, enticing young guy really want
someone like me?" he questioned.  "Why would he be so willing to accept
such an old man?  It doesn't make sense!  Does it?  Is it because I was the
first man to let him fuck me?  No, can't be that - we seemed to fit
together so wonderfully before that.  Then why?  I just don't get it!  Is
it possible he sees me as a father figure and not a lover?  That could very
well explain certain things."

As Jack continued his drive, images of Jevin seemed to materialize before
his eyes.  He even saw the forms of Jevin and himself together, cuddling
and kissing and loving.  He rubbed his eyes quickly.

"And what about Nick?  Shit! I'd completely forgotten about Nicky!  Christ,
what would he say about Jevin and me?  Christ, what could he say?  A great
looking young guy with such and old fucking fart like me!  Not good - not
good at all!  No, no, Nicky would not be able to accept a coupling of me
with someone as young as Jevin."

Somehow, as hard as he tried, Jack could not get Jevin out of his mind.
Such a beautiful guy, such a loving and caring individual.  "Why?  Why am I
doing this?  Why am I even thinking about ruining Jevin's chances for
future happiness - of finding a guy with many of the same interests as he
has?  And someone closer in age.  Shit, I'm a hardhat and he's an
intellectual.  What do we have in common?  I mean, after we've gotten to
know each other and each other's lives what the fuck are we going to talk
about?  Jevin will be busy with his intellectual and academic pursuits and
I'll still be fixin' cars.  God, he's smart!  I know that's the way it'll
be.  I'd b like a fifth wheel around him and his smart friends."

Jack was now in the full throws of his rationalizations.  "And I'll be
depriving myself of the ability to find someone.someone much more
compatible with me and my likes - like fishing and camping and tennis and
golf.  Yeah!  Of course, Jevin does play tennis - he's on the college team.
Okay, but boating and bowling and mountain climbing - what about them?
I'll bet Jevin doesn't like any of those things.  Why should I give them
up?  Why should I be taking up with someone so much younger than I am?  Am
I so completely burned out that I need to rob the cradle?  Fuck!"

He kept up this internal questioning and dialogue session until he reached
his house.  He pulled into the driveway and parked the truck in the garage.
The lights were on in the house and he knew Nicky was up and probably
watching television.  By the time he walked into the kitchen Jack had come
to his decision.

He trudged into the family room.  Nicky was asleep on the sofa with the TV
set blaring away.  Jack shut it off and woke up his nephew.

"Oh, hi Uncle Jack," Nick said groggily.

"Hiya Nick.  I think it's time you got to bed."

"Yeah, I suppose so.  Did you have a nice weekend, Uncle Jack?"

"Yeah, it was okay I suppose.  Nothing really new or really out of the
ordinary.  Same old same old."

"Same with mine," Nicky replied while yawning.

Both men knew they were lying to the other.

They said their good nights and Nick walked to his bedroom and closed the
door.  Jack went around, turned out all the lights and set the alarm.  He
went into his bathroom for his evening ritual.

He looked at himself closely in the bathroom mirror again - he knew he had
been doing this a lot recently.  Jack shook his head slowly and
deliberately.  "What a pathetic excuse for a man," he muttered under his
breath.  "What a fucking pathetic old excuse for a man I am."  He kept
mutter this over and over.

		----------------------------------------------------------

Jevin sat down at his PC right after Jack left; he had some unfinished
class work to complete plus his special work for Professor Pollack.  He
brought the unfinished bowl of popcorn and a bottle of water into his
bedroom and booted up the computer.

He turned and looked at the bed where he and Jack had spent so much
wonderful time this weekend.  He thought again of their fantastic
lovemaking and this brought tears to his eyes.  He thought of the night in
the Mayfair Grille and how Jack had touched his arm stump so gently and
carefully.  And of their wonderful first night together when Jack didn't
mind the look or the feel of his crippled body.

He thought of the restaurant and the park and how caring and sensitive Jack
was to him and his needs.  And the extraordinary session of sex this
afternoon when he fucked a man for the first time.  What an unbelievable
event that was!

Jevin thought he would work for about two hours before stopping but found
that his thoughts were constantly returning to Jack - his beautiful,
loving, funny, furry Jack.  He continued to work, knowing that he had to
train himself to get as many things done as possible during the weekdays
and to free up future weekends - for Jack!  "This was going to be
marvelous!" Jevin thought to himself.  "This beautiful, sexy man wants me!"

But something in the back of Jevin's mind was bothering him.  It was
gnawing, like a piece of corn or meat caught in between his teeth.  He kept
working on it and working on but it still would not go away; it was
hounding him and destroying his thoughts of a beautiful future with Jack.

"Jack has a terrible age hang-up, doesn't he?" he thought.  "I wonder if he
will be able to overcome it.  Shit!  It was amazing, though, wasn't it?  It
was an absolutely amazing weekend.  I know every person has problems, but
why do I have to find so many of them?  Why is every person I meet so
troubled?  Here I meet someone who seems to have no hang-ups with me and he
has these fucking problems with himself.  Shit!"

Jevin continued working, coding at a feverish pace.  He was utilizing his
new voice recognition software to enter his complex code into the machine.
It was marvelous since he was not stymied by his physical handicap.  He was
oblivious to time.  When he felt himself getting very sleepy he turned
around and looked at the clock - it was after two!  And Jack...and Jack had
not called as he had promised.

			------------------------------------------

Jack could not sleep.  It was 2:08 AM according to the digital clock by his
bedside and still he was awake.  His mind was not letting him get any rest.
He knew that it was because of the decision he had made earlier.  "Shit!
It has to be the right thing to do!  It has to be!  Otherwise I'm totally
and completely fucked up!"

He rolled over again.  He was perspiring very heavily and got out of bed to
open the window.  He noticed that it had started to rain again.  "Shit!  On
top of everything we'll have rain to put up with tomorrow.  Actually, it
won't be tomorrow - it'll be today!"

Suddenly he screamed out into the dark night.  "There is NO FUCKING GOD!
Jevin!  OH JEVIN!  Why couldn't I find you years ago?"  He began to sob
uncontrollably.  "Why couldn't I know you...why couldn't I find you...why
weren't you here.why weren't HERE before my fucking world come crashing
down all around me?"  Jack slowly sank to the floor.  He beat his fists on
the floor.  "JEVIN!  JEVIN!" he screamed out.

			------------------------------------------

Jevin was in bed and was looking closely at his arm stump.  "Why the hell
did I have to loose my hand?"  He was repeating this over and over to
himself.  "Why?  Why can't I be normal?  Why can't I find someone who can
really love me and not be so wrapped up in his own problems and fears and
neuroses and little world?  Oh, God!  Why hasn't Jack called?  Why hasn't
he bothered to call me?  Why?"

Of course, deep down he knew exactly why hadn't called.  It was very
obvious, wasn't it?  Poor crippled Jevin had struck out again.

He began to rub his arm stump in an agitated manner.  He began clawing at
the stump, digging his fingernails into the flesh of his severed hand until
he was bleeding and in great pain.  Jevin began to sob loudly into his
pillow.


			   The End of Chapter 5