Date: Fri, 30 Nov 2012 07:23:39 -0800 (PST)
From: Ben Ezra Jacobson <ben_ezra_jacobson@yahoo.com>
Subject: Chapter 3 of REMEMBRANCES OF FISH TRAP LAKE

To My readers: This is the 3rd and final chapter of this phase of letters
and journal articles regarding my separation from Ted.  Please feel free to
email any comments you would care to make to me about this story.  There
will be more additions taken from my journals at later dates.  Thanks
B.E. J.


		      REMEMBRANCES OF FISH TRAP LAKE

		 BY Dr. Ben Ezra Jacobson, PhD. Literature

			       Chapter Three



November 22, 1967
Journal Entry 1262

     I have felt terrible for weeks.  I called several of the families at
Fish Trap Lake and attempted to inquire what has happened to Ted.  They all
say the same thing...that he walked into the Ranger's station one
morning...turned in his badge and gave a resignation letter and left.  The
cabin that he rented has been rented to someone else.  When I asked if they
knew of an address for his mother...no one seemed to remember having ever
met her or having known of her residence.  I am baffled.  What did I say or
do to provoke him to cut ties with me so completely.  I am heart sick.
Even my family is wondering what has happened to me.

     Dad came into my room and almost caught me with the pictures of Ted.
Fortunately they were the ones when he had his clothing on...but still it
would look awkward.  I would like to tell them how I feel about Ted and how
I feel about my own likes and dislikes...but they would never in a million
years understand how two men could care for each other the way I care about
him.

     I have started hiding my journal so they will not discover it and be
tempted to read it.  Sure...it is foolish to put my feelings on the
paper...but since I can not say them to Ted...I have to tell someone.



December 3, 1967 Journal Entry 1273

     There are about 18 days left in this semester at school and then
Christmas break.  I do not feel much like celebrating.  One of the
professors asked me to come by her office after class...and wanted to know
what was wrong with me.  She said my grades were good but my countenance
was terrible and that I looked like I was very unhappy.  She is a nice lady
and I ended up telling her my whole story.  She smiled and took my hand and
told me not to loose faith.  She told me that when her husband was over
seas during World War 2...there was almost a year that she was out of
communication with him.

     "Have faith dear...if he cares for you...he will turn up sooner or
later," she advised me.

     I felt better for having talked to her.  This was the first time I
ever discussed such private feelings with someone outside my family...or a
close friend, like the guys I grew up with.

     When I got home...Mom and Dad were talking about something in the
kitchen and changed the subject when I arrived.  Probably worried about my
attitude the last month.


December 18th, 1967 Journal Entry 1288

     I wish I could say good morning world...but I do not feel very
cheerful.  Still no word about what has happened to Ted.  This will be the
last day of the semester.  All text books have to be turned in by
noon...and all university building will close for the Christmas holiday by
1:00 PM.

     Mom and Dad were buzzing in the kitchen this morning when I came in
for breakfast.  As soon as I entered the room...they went their own way.
Mom said Aunt Betty was coming for Christmas and that she would be staying
in the room next to mine.  Criminee...Aunt Betty snores like a buzz
saw...why the hell did they have to put her in the room next to me.  That
sinks the Christmas holiday for sure.  The original builder put a door way
between the two rooms so the owner and his wife could have separate rooms
but access to each other if they wanted to communicate.  Damn silly idea in
my mind.  I am going to lock the door on my side in case she sleep walks.

P.M.
     Well that rips it.  I got a speeding ticket on the way home.  The
officer, all bundled up in scarf and hat...barely spoke to me.  Just
croaked... "License please," and wrote me out a ticket and handed it back
to me without saying a word, and walked back to his squad car and drove
off.  I felt like that was the final slap in the face.  There is nothing
now that will perk me up for the holidays.  I have hit bottom.
                   ...

     I put my car in the garage and walked into the house.  The kitchen
smelled like all kinds of good things to eat.  My appetite had been reduced
to nearly zero these last few weeks...but the thought of eating something
might just help me out of this depression that has so easily beset me.

     "Hi Dear," said Mom.  " Do me a big favor while I set the table...take
that stack of magazines up to Aunt Betty's room and put them on the bed
side table.  I will have supper ready when you get back."

    "Yeah, I guess I can do that.  But if Aunt Betty is coming the day
after tomorrow..why are you setting the table for five...instead of the
four of us," I asked.

     Mom blushed, "Oh Silly me...what was I thinking..." and she removed
the plate and glass while I was standing there.

     Begrudgingly, I climbed the stairs with a stack of gardening and house
magazines and went to the room next to mine that Aunt Betty would be using.
As I entered the room and flipped on the light switch...there were clothes
laying out on the bed...but this was clearly not women's clothing...unless
Aunt Betty was bringing a boy friend with her...and at her age...that was
not likely.

     From behind the door came a familiar voice, "Hey there stud..how are
you doing?"

     I whirled around to find Ted standing there all grins and smiles.
With his foot, he pushed the door shut with a bang and said,
     "Come here and give me a hug."
     I grabbed him like he might vanish before me..and held him tight.

     "What...how...when did you get here and how did you do this?" I
stammered.

     "Your parents found me.  I am working down here now...for the
university.  Did you happen to get a speeding ticket today?" he asked.

     "What...how the hell did you know that," I asked him?

     "Did you get a speeding ticket today, he asked me again?

     "Yes...but how did you know that," I replied.

     "You didn't look at it...or read it did you," he answered back at me.
"It's there in your pocket, read it."

     I removed the ticket and unfolded it.  There was no citation issued
and no fine...it only stated... "I am spending the holidays at your
house...Ted."

     "Your parents found me...I am working in security at the university.
After quitting my job at Fish Trap...I drove to the university and applied.
My credentials were all in order and I got a great reference from the Park
Ranger...they hired me on the spot.  That was a week ago...and it was all I
could do to keep from contacting you.  But I wanted it to be special...so
when your dad came to see me...he told me he knew about your feelings for
me.  It seems little buddy that you talk in your sleep.  Anyway, he said he
and your mom were cool with it...and they cared first and foremost that you
were safe and happy.  They invited me to spend the Christmas holidays with
you.  So here I am."


      "So you outed me to my parents," I replied?

     "No...you outed yourself...but Ben...they have known for a long
time...and didn't want to upset you.  They are ok with it...they love
you...and I love you.  When I first met them...they asked me about our
friendship.  When I was reluctant to talk about it...they told me that they
had known for a long time...and that they were ok with it...as long as you
were happy...that's when they invited me to spend the holidays.  Be glad
for yourself...be glad for both of us."

     I can not explain how relieved I felt.  When we went back
downstairs...my parents hugged me and then they hugged Ted and made him
feel very welcome.  When my dad told me that I would probably want to leave
the door open between our rooms...it was ok with them.  Later he told
me...that if Ted wanted to stay in my room...it was ok too.

     We had a great Christmas holiday.  Ted slept in my bed with me every
night.  He has acquired an apartment off campus near the university
security office.  When he asked me to share it with him...I agreed to do
so.  My parents never quibbled with me over the decision to do that.

     I do not know where our relationship will go in the future..but for
now...I am content to just spend as much time with him as I can.

     Who knows...maybe in a few years...there will be more to tell about
our adventures together...but for the time right now...I am so very happy
with this wonderful Christmas gift.

                                            Ben Ezra Jacobson