Date: Wed, 17 Sep 2003 15:01:28 -0700
From: Derek Weiser <mercutio3000@comcast.net>
Subject: Rescue Me

I had gone to the cabin to heal.  It had been the worst two months of my
life.  I had lost my job, my first and only lover left me, and my parents
had been killed in a car accident.  Whoever said that when it rains it
pours was full of bullshit.  It didn't pour; it was a hurricane upon me.

I had been there for five days when the snow started to fall.  I made a
huge pile of firewood by the fireplace and pulled on some sweatpants, my
thick wool socks, and a nice t-shirt before crawling under the quilts on
the old king-size feather bed.  The wind started howling shortly after,
very violently.  I had drifted asleep while reading when I heard the thump.
At first I thought it was some snow falling off the eaves.  But the thump
was followed, and against the door.  I got up and slipped on my boots and
shearling coat.  The fire provided more than enough light and I opened the
cabin door carefully, not knowing if a cougar or bear were on the other
side.

It was a man, lying at my door.  He had obviously collapsed once on the
porch.  The porch was sheltered with only a slight bit of snow.  This man
was covered from head to toe.  He was soaking wet and I could hear his
teeth rattle.  He was also a giant.  I am six-six and about 240 pounds, but
he was bigger.  I couldn't leave him there.  I cupped my hands under his
arms and pulled him inside.  Once I could shut the door, I tried to take
off his wet coat and boots.  He was so cold and shaking so convulsively, I
knew he couldn't help me.  I braced my back against the wall and tugged off
his boots.  I used gravity to roll him and remove his coat.  It wasn't
enough; he was soaked through.  His jeans were the hardest part to remove.
It took several minutes of huffing and puffing, but I had him naked and
moved over to a blanket I had spread in front of the fire.  I ran into the
bathroom to get the thermometer and a towel and pulled some more blankets
and quilts from the bed.  I dropped to my knees and started drying him,
chaffing his hands, arms, feet and legs to try and start the circulation.
I stripped down to my underwear, pulled the blankets and quilts around my
back, and lay down on his vulnerable and shaking form.

His skin was like ice.  I chaffed his arms after I put the thermometer in
his mouth.  Thankfully it was a plastic digital one and not an old glass
one that he could have chewed in half with his chattering.  I pulled it out
of his mouth when it beeped: 95.9.  He was way to cold.  I lay on him,
entwining my legs with his and chaffed his hands and arms, trying to will
my body heat into his.  After ten minutes I took his temperature again and
put more logs on the fire, hoping to chase the cold out of him with a
roaring inferno.  96.6.  Better, thank God.

I got up and put on a pot of coffee.  I had a generator thank goodness for
the kitchen and water well pump.  If I could have maneuvered him into the
bathroom, I would have had him stand under the shower.  But that was
impossible.  I would say he was six-eight and at least 280 pounds if not
300, but there was no fat on him.  He was a solid wall of muscle.  But I
tried not to think of it.  I just wanted him warm.  God, I hoped I was
doing right.  I took his temperature again: 97.2.  It was climbing.  His
chattering was no longer so violent.  I knew his muscles would be aching
tomorrow if they didn't cramp now.  When the coffee was done, I grabbed a
cup and slapped his face a few times to get him to respond.  I poured the
coffee down his throat.  I was sure he scalded his mouth, but I needed to
get his internal heat pump working a little.  The caffeine would hopefully
wake him and keep him awake.  He was delirious if he was conscious at all.
I took his temperature again: 97.7.  He was warming up and he had stopped
convulsing with shivers.  He just had a slight tremble on him now.  I
poured a third cup of coffee down him when he opened his eyes.  He had
warm, chocolate brown eyes.  He couldn't talk and I kept him from trying by
placing my hand on his lips.  He nodded and lay back, I took his
temperature one more time: 98.2.  He was out of the woods and hopefully
mending.  I let him drift off to sleep, knowing he must have been tired.  I
was exhausted too.  I slid my body off his and curled up by him away from
the fire.  I kept the blankets over us and I went to sleep.

A bit later, I woke up to extreme heat.  The blankets were too much and I
was sweating.  I threw them off me and turned over.  That was when I saw
him again.  He was still asleep, but sweating.  I pulled off all but one
thin blanket, knowing the fire would keep him warm.  I reached out to touch
his forehead, hoping he was just too warm and not feverish.  His skin was
damp and sweaty, but not feverish.  I got up to dump the coffee and hang
his soaked clothing.  I took his boots outside and saw a rifle on the deck.
I knew enough not to touch it.  That is all I know about weapons.  When the
house was straightened, I saw the clock, 3 AM.  It had only been a few
hours.  I was still tired.  I debated for about ten seconds and went back
to the floor and crawled in next to my mystery giant.

The next morning I awoke to find a pair of warm, chocolaty eyes watching
me.  I noticed him really for the first time.  He had short, shiny, wavy
dark brown hair infused with red.  He had strong eyebrows and a straight
nose.  His lips were full and his jaw strong with about two days worth of
growth.  The blanket had slipped down to about mid-belly.  His chest was
deep and his shoulders very broad.  He had a very strong musculature that
shouted hard, labor-intensive work.  His pectoral muscles were covered with
a thick pelt of dark brown fur.  It looked just as shiny and fine as on his
head.  The hair thinned into a thick, silky trail down the middle of his
belly than flared out around his navel.  My mouth went dry before I looked
to his face again.  He smiled at me then.  My throat became a dessert.  I
was in awe at the absolute beauty of his smile.  He was an artist's dream,
but he became an object of perfection when he smiled.

I smiled back at him and asked him his name.

"Josh.  You?"

"Ben.  What happened?"

"The storm came up really fast.  I was helping my brother move the herd
from the upper pasture closer to the ranch house.  It's safer and easier to
watch after them during a storm.  I got separated from the others following
one stubborn bull.  He charged me when the winds picked up.  We got knocked
down.  I couldn't spot the house on the flats, so I followed the tree line
and knew I could reach your cabin.  But my horse slipped and snapped her
leg.  I shot her with my rifle.  It was a lot quicker than freezing to
death.  I tripped on to your porch and thankfully, you were here."

Josh was so full of emotion.  He was so obviously distressed about his
horse but grateful that I was able to save him.  He was happy that he was
alive.  He was also worried about his brother and how he would be worrying
about him.  He knew they wouldn't be searching while the wind was still
blowing though.

He was sore.  His muscles were stiff and cramped from such violent shivers.
I helped him up and to the shower so he could wash up.  That fifteen-foot
walk was another exploration for me.  He had incredibly strong legs,
covered in curly, soft hair and corded with muscle.  His ass was rounded
and dimpled with strength.  His cock was another piece of beauty.  It was
long and thick, even at rest.  It was also nestled in a thick thatch of
curly, reddish brown hair.  He showered on his own and I got him some
clothes, hopefully they would fit him.  It was a rarity for me to meet
someone as tall as me.  His being taller was a true novelty.

We spent the day getting to know each other.  While I was cooking dinner, I
found out he was a farrier.  I was curious if he just dealt with shoeing
horses or if he had full blacksmithing training.  He was a full blacksmith
and had actually apprenticed.  His final piece was a sword for his baby
brother who joined the Marines.  It took him a month to work out the heft
and weight then to carve the blade and handle.  He said it had Celtic
scrollwork on the blade.  His brother couldn't have it in the Marines, but
he kept it at the ranch for him.

After dinner, I found out he also sculpted and did wrought iron work.  His
sister-in-law wanted a new gate for the house.  He took a bunch of inch
wide bars and twisted and curled it into a gate that she wouldn't use,
saying it was too pretty.  I asked that when I took him back when the storm
was over if I could see it.  He was really pleased that I was interested in
his work.  He picked up a pad of paper and a pencil while I cleaned up the
dinner dishes.  I looked over his shoulder.  He was drawing what would
obviously be a beautiful metal work.  I asked if he ever used copper or
bronze.  He agreed it would make the piece beautiful.

In front of the fire, we got more personal, as two people tend to do.  I
found out he was 23.  He had been engaged once but it didn't work out.
Well, that answered that question.  He was a little young for me anyway.
Okay, so I am only 29, but he's a baby.  He floored me a little later when
he asked if I was gay.  I answered that yes I was.  He didn't seem too
uncomfortable about it.  As the fire died, we went to bed.

We continued to talk once in bed.  He was facing me and smiling from time
to time.  He told me he wanted to tell me something.

"Ben, I want to thank you for saving me.  I'm so grateful.  I ..."

"Josh, what?"

"I'm going to screw this up pretty bad.  Oh, the hell with it."  He looked
a little nervous.  But I was floored when he leaned into me and kissed me.
All I heard was 'I'm so grateful'.  That made me angry.  He felt he owed
me.  He felt he needed to do this out of gratitude.  I pushed him away.

"Josh, this isn't necessary.  I know you feel obligated.  But I prefer to
be with someone who wants me for me and not gratitude."

"I'm sorry.  I'm ..."  He looked crushed.  He told me he wanted to check on
the fire.  He got out of bed.  The briefs he wore couldn't hide the tent of
his erection.  I got hard instantly.  Desire replaced irritation.
Gratitude may have made him kiss me, but desire put that tent in his
shorts.  I got out of bed and pulled off my t-shirt.  I was now dressed in
briefs like him and went to him where he was kneeling by the fire.

His face was turned away from me.  I grabbed his chin and pulled it towards
me.  He was fighting tears.  I cupped his face and kissed him.  It took him
a moment to respond.  Then he was kissing me back.  His lips were soft, but
his movements were a little awkward.  I figured he had never kissed a guy
before so was a bit out of his element.  I pulled back to look at him.

"Josh, I'm sorry.  I didn't understand.  Please forgive me.  Will you come
back to bed?"

"I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.  I knew I was going to
screw up."

"Just because you've never been with a man before?"  I kissed him again.

"That too."

That made me pause.  I asked for clarification.

"I've never done this before.  Man or woman."

That stopped me cold.  I've never been anyone's first.  Okay, so he would
be my second.  But I had been with Richard for four years.  I really felt
tenderly towards him at this moment.  It also changed how the evening was
going to go.  I pulled him to his feet and led him to the bed.  I pushed
him down and removed his briefs.  What had been a hint of huge was now
gargantuan in size.  He must have been nine very thick inches now.  Since
this was his first, I knew that he would cum a little quickly this first
time.  So I lay on top of him and started kissing him.  I moved down his
neck and bit on his pulse a bit before moving down to lick and nibble his
nipples.  I continued to course down his body, kissing and licking on the
way down until I reached his cock.  I took it into my mouth.  I ran my
tongue around the head and flicked his underside before diving down.  Five
bobs of my head later and Josh exploded into my mouth.  He was sweet and
thick and totally unabashed at screaming his pleasure.  When his spasms
calmed and his breathing started slowing, I moved up him, removing my
underwear on the way.  I kissed him again.

When I pulled away, he was blushing.  I asked him what was wrong.

"I'm sorry I was so quick."

I laughed.  Then I told him how I figured since it was his first, he would
probably not last too long and decided to take the edge off.  That seemed
to embarrass him further.  I asked what was wrong again.

"Is it over?  Is this all we're going to do?"

I smiled at him and shook my head.  I started kissing him again.  When he
was hard again against my belly, I turned him over.  I kissed his back and
shoulders and moved down to his perfect ass.  I nipped his skin and licked
the globes of his ass.  I split his crack with my hand and skimmed my
fingers over his rosebud.  With each stroke, Josh moaned.  I soon replaced
my fingers with my mouth.  I laved him with long, wet strokes until he
opened.  Then I dived into his hole with my tongue.  I moved with rapid
thrusts in and out of his hole while sucking at his sensitive skin.  He was
panting and groaning.  I flipped him over and grabbed a condom off the
table and sheathed myself quickly.  I placed the head of my cock to his
hole and pushed slightly.  He parted immediately and I slid halfway in.  I
didn't intend to go that quickly, but he was open and took me.  I
remembered my first time and only hoped to be more gentle and caring than
that experience.

I gave Josh a chance to adjust to me.  We were about the same size and I
knew I could be a bit much to take.  But within seconds, Josh was thrusting
against me.  I knew he was ready and started moving within him in slow,
gentle strokes.  He was warm and tight and his inexperience added a bit of
clumsy experimentation that added a charming twist to an age-old act of
passion.  I leant down to him so my chest could rub against his as I kissed
him.  I loved the feel of all that soft, curly hair brushing against my
bare chest.  What had been tentative and unsure kisses were now sure and
confident.  The kiss spiraled into heated tonsil hockey and added to the
sensations that were building inside me.  I knew it would be over soon.  I
wanted to go slower, bring Josh with me.  Have him trip over the edge with
me deep inside him.  But I doubted I would last long enough.  I was wrong.
With my next deep thrust, Josh arched his back off the bed towards me and
exploded against my belly.  With each spasm of his cock, he squeezed me
with his internal muscles and called out my name.  I lasted for four more
thrusts and exploded inside the condom deep inside him.

When my breathing returned to somewhere near normal, I pulled out of Josh
gently and rolled to my back beside him.  Josh rolled to me instantly and
wrapped his big body around me.  He laid his head against my chest and
nuzzled me with his whole body.  Both arms wrapped me up and he cuddled
with me.  If he had been a cat, I thought he would be purring.  I had never
experienced anything like this before.  He was almost angelic in his face
and he had a look of total contentment.  Since this was new to me I looked
down at him and asked if he was okay, if I had hurt him.  He smiled at me
and said he was fine and no I didn't hurt him.  As he drifted off to sleep,
I realized that if he had never had sex before, he had never had an
afterglow snooze either.  The way he wrapped me in his arms made me realize
that he had been starving for some loving and was probably just as starved
for the cuddling afterwards.  I felt my heart turn sideways and beat slowly
and strongly.  What had been tenderness for him was so much more now.  I
drifted off with the warmth of new love flowing through me.

I woke a few hours later to a warm, lovely sensation.  Josh was between my
legs and eagerly devouring me.  His movements were awkward and he nipped me
with his teeth a few times, but his sweet determination overrode the
inexperience.  When I shifted a little, lifted myself to better watch what
he was doing, his eyes smiled up at me.  I didn't last but a few minutes
longer before orgasmic waves overtook me.  Josh seemed a little unsure by
the process, but he dutifully swallowed what he didn't choke on.  He paused
a bit, tasting and testing what he had experienced.  He must have liked it
because he licked the dribble on his chin and smiled before moving up to
kiss me.

His hands moved all over me, groping and smoothing over me.  He moved his
lips down to my neck and chin and continued to kiss me.  I was panting and
moaning as he moved over me.  His hand moved down to skim over my ass.  He
followed the line from my balls to my hole and moved his finger up and
down.  If he hadn't had my hips pinned, I would have jumped off the bed.
He pushed inside me with his fingers, testing me.  He looked in my eyes and
asked the question.  I nodded at him.  He lifted me, prepared to dive right
in.  But I put my hand on his chest and grabbed another condom off the
bedside table.  He was as inexperienced at putting one on as everything
else.  But, like kissing and other things, he was going to be an expert
soon.  Once sheathed, he placed himself at my opening and sank into me.  I
won't lie and say that he moved with finesse or a natural, graceful rhythm.
But, like all other things he tried this evening, he was eager.  The very
fact that I was his first; that he had never done this before made the
whole experience very, very special.  After a few heated moments of
thrusting, we seemed to click into a better motion.  We moved together,
rather than against each other.  He erupted quickly after that.  His chest
heaved with the great gusts of breath he took with each bellow of his
climax.  He collapsed on top of me, still imbedded to the hilt inside me.
Even though I was now aching to cum and my hips were at a funny angle, I
was grateful for this moment.  I finally acknowledged that I had fallen in
love with Josh.

After a few moments in which Josh came back to Earth, he lifted off me and
saw how I was throbbing and aching.  He took me in his hand and gave me the
few tugs I needed to trip over the edge.  I covered his hand and belly as
well as my own.  He rolled us over and wrapped me in his arms again before
we drifted off to sleep.

That morning we started up again.  Once he had a taste for it, Josh was
sure a lusty fellow.  We burned breakfast not once but twice with his
interruptions.  Later on, once we finally ate, we talked some more.

"My fiancé didn't want to sleep together until after the wedding.
Rather than being put out, I was relieved.  I started to question then.
When she came to me a few months later, pregnant with another man's kid, I
was grateful I was out of it.  Then I knew I was gay.  But, this is rural,
ranching Montana, my options were limited to say the least."

"Does your family know?"

"No."

He asked if I always traveled with condoms.  I knew he wanted to know more
about me; my life and my past experiences.  So I supplied the info.

"I was 25 when I met Richard.  We went out to dinner, had a few drinks and
went back to his place.  He didn't believe me when I told him it was my
first time.  He was a bit rough.  He was sorry afterwards, but I was still
sore.  We moved in together.  He quit his job a couple of years ago.  He
went looking for a job in New York six months ago.  He took that suitcase
with him.  I found the condoms when I unpacked up here.  The box was open
and several were missing.  It looks like the only job Richard was looking
for were either blow or hand.

"I lost my job two months ago.  They downsized and no longer needed me.
Richard lasted two weeks until I cut him off financially, telling him we
needed to tighten up to weather my severance until I got a new job.  He
left.  What I thought was deep feeling and respect was a money hungry
bastard who left when the gravy train stopped. Two weeks later, my parents
were killed in a car accident.  I came up here to put my head on straight.
I should really be thanking you.  You saved me, maybe more than I ever
could you."

I knew we were getting mushy, a little maudlin.  But, I was happy for once.
I knew what I had had with Richard was a lie.  It was a bastardization of a
relationship.  This, with Josh, was a great thing.  He grabbed me and we
rolled together in front of the fire.  I knew I was going to be sore for a
few days if we didn't cool it.  But I didn't care.  This was real and it
was good.  We spent the rest of the day in bed, teaching Josh the finer
points and finesse that he lacked.  What amazed me was how much I learned
from him.  I learned that you could be gentle and caring.  It wasn't just a
great fuck.  It was love.  About midnight, the winds died down.  He was
curled around me again and holding me.  I knew the first stab of fear with
the calming of the winds.  I had a feeling that when I packed up tomorrow
morning and drove Josh down the hill to the ranch, I would continue on to
Seattle alone.

The next morning we made love one more time before showering and loading up
my car.  We wended our way down the hill to the ranch.  When we went
inside, Josh's brother hugged him so closely.  He picked him up off the
ground.  He actually had tears in his eyes when he set him down.  He then
hugged me up too.  I really liked his brother Adam.  His sister-in-law,
Angie, was a bit of a stiff though.  We sat down and explained what had
happened and how Josh found the cabin and I helped thaw him.  Adam tried to
get me to stay, but I knew that the ten-hour drive ahead of me would be
long, especially with a broken heart.  Before I left though, Josh took me
into his shop and showed me the gate he had made.  It was beautiful, almost
like something that should belong in New Orleans.  He then took me to his
room and showed me his brother's sword.  It was a work of art.  Josh had so
much talent, if he wanted he could go far as an artist.  Before we went to
my car, he hugged me and kissed me one last time.  He had tears in his eyes
when he told me goodbye at my car.

I didn't stop once except for gas the entire way home.  I just kept
reliving the last two days.  I also had echoing in my head my last words to
him.  I had told him that if he ever produced that drawing, that I wanted
him to send me a picture.  I gave him my address and phone number.  Before
I shut the door to my car, I told him I loved him.  He stopped and stared
after me as I drove away, I know, I watched in my rear-view mirror.

Once home, my life became a routine, I slept, I woke, I looked for a job, I
slept.  My sister and I had to decide what to do with my parent's things.
Their will asked us to divide things evenly.  With the life insurance, both
my sister and I had more than enough money to live comfortably for many
years.  I let her have the house, that way she and her husband would have a
place to raise their impending family.  Two months after I returned from
Montana there was a knock at my door.  It was Richard.

God, he was a smooth talker.  He said how much he missed me, how much he
regretted leaving me, and how much he still loved me.  Two short months ago
I would have fallen for it.  I would have eaten up his line of bullshit.
Josh made me realize what love really was.  But I was lonely, and Richard's
kisses on my neck were making me realize just how lonely I was.  I was
about to give in, when I looked up and saw the wrought iron chandelier
hanging over my dining room table.  The iron made me think of Josh and I
stopped Richard.  I asked him how much he wanted.  How much he heard I had
gotten from my folks.  The next ten minutes were ugly.  I didn't realize
how vitriolic he could be.  How full of anger and hate he was.  Thankfully,
I didn't listen to his abuse.  I just threw him out of my home and told him
not to come back.  I went to bed feeling very alone.  I laid back and tried
to jerk off.  I recalled every wonderful moment of my time with Josh.  I
dreamt it was his hand that was stroking me, his hand that rubbed my chest,
and his voice crying out in release.  I looked down and pulled the sheet
over me, too sad to clean up and just cried myself to sleep.

A week later, I got a call from my old company.  They wanted me back.  It
turns out that I was more of an asset than they had realized.  That at
least made me feel better.  When I came home from my first day on the job,
there was a UPS guy at my door.  He was leaving a 'sorry we missed you'
note.  I signed and he went to his truck to get my package.  I went inside
and took off my jacket.  The package was huge.  It was a shipping crate.  I
tipped the guy and went to get a hammer to open it.  When I got it opened
and the packing material away, I recognized what it was.  It was the metal
sculpture that Josh had drawn in the cabin in full detail.  It was a
beautiful work in iron, copper, and bronze.  I found the note inside.  It
read simply: "Rescue Me, by Josh Martin."  I cried for a really long time
then.  I was still crying when my doorbell rang.

I opened it to a vision.  Josh.  I felt my eyes roll into the back of my
head.  When I came to, besides being incredibly disoriented, I was
embarrassed.  I had never fainted before.  Josh was kneeling beside me.
When I opened my eyes he smiled at me.  That same perfect, warm smile he
had given me when he woke up that first morning in the cabin.  He kissed
me.  We didn't stop kissing until we were both naked by the door.  I had
never liked my entryway, but I could learn to love it.  We were both hard
and thrusting against the other.  My arms wrapped around his neck and his
around my waist.  We moved our bodies, our cocks rubbing against each
other.  We both came in seconds, making a mess of ourselves.  I don't think
we cared.  I got up and pulled him with me to the bathroom.  While in the
shower, we didn't talk, didn't do anything but lather and kiss.  We got out
and dried each other, laughing at how eager we were.  My hands were
trembling.  Hell, my whole body was shaking.

We met in the middle of the bed on our knees.  I kissed him again.  I then
pushed him down on the bed and moved between his legs, braced for entry.  I
was too far-gone to be anything but eager.  He gripped me with his strong
thighs, he was ready too.  I pushed into him, just enough to secure myself
inside him.  I then pushed in to the hilt.  He grunted against me.  He
arched his back and shot all over me and his chest and belly, crying out
his pleasure.  I lasted three thrusts and shot inside him.  It was then I
realized we hadn't even thought about a condom.  In the intervening time, I
had since learned of Richard and his extracurricular activities and had
myself tested.  I was negative and knew Josh hadn't been with anyone else
in the past three months but me.  This was a new experience for me.  I had
never had sex without one.  When I collapsed against Josh, he wrapped his
arms around me.  The time for talking had arrived.

"Josh, why are you here?"

"I came to be with you.  I realized that I needed you more than I needed to
be afraid to tell my family."  He laughed, but there was no humor in it.
"Adam already knew.  I sat him down in private and told him last week and
that I was leaving.  I was coming to Seattle to be with you.  I told him
that I would work as an artist.  I could use my forge and skills and was
pretty sure that I had a talent for it.  He just hugged me.  He told me
that he had known for quite some time that I wasn't fitting in to the
rancher's life.  I was always welcome and nothing mattered with him.  He
just wanted me to be happy."

"I'm glad that he understood."

"Danny, my other brother, was home on leave at that time too.  He just
looked at me and said 'duh.'  I felt like a fool, but it's hard being
different.  I hated not knowing if the two closest people to me would
understand."

"Of course they did.  Who could look at you and not love you.  I do you
know."

"Yeah, I know you love me, I heard you that morning.  The truth is, I love
you too.  I did from that first moment when I woke up in front of the
fire."

We talked a bit more.  I asked him what he needed, as far as space and
materials to start up his forge and workshop.  We agreed that we would need
to find someplace other than my loft apartment.  We spent the rest of that
night learning each other again.  I couldn't stop touching him.  I couldn't
stop feeling him, wanting to brand every part of him on my mind.

We built a workshop and a forge for him.  He decorated our kitchen to look
like a New Orleans courtyard.  Filled with filigreed handles and ornaments.
His work graced our front door and our gate.  He even fashioned the entire
fence.  His first showing was eight months after we moved into our home.
The sword he made for his brother received multiple inquiries, but he would
never sell it.

I asked him once, about three years ago, if he regretted not being with
anyone but me.  He looked at me and called me an idiot.  Then told me you
can't miss what you don't know.  And you can't look for what is missing
when nothing is missing from your life.  So, now that I am 40 and he 34, we
hold each other at night, we have let our fine physiques fade a bit, not
that we are fat, we are just comfortable.  Each night, I look at his fine
sculpture that hangs on the wall opposite our bed, and realize that we
rescued each other.