Date: Wed, 05 Apr 2000 19:46:16 PDT
From: Stacia Marie <stacia_marie76@hotmail.com>
Subject: A Love Like This - Chapter 4

Hi!  Here's Chapter Four ... I hope you like it.  Much thanks to everyone
who's e-mailed me, I appreciate it more than you may believe.  Feedback is
always welcome, you know the disclaimer ...


"JC, we have to talk about something," Justin said, closing the door to
their room.  He had just returned from breakfast with Lance.

JC looked up from his sheet music.  "Sure, what is it?"

"It's about the other guys."

"What about them?"

Justin sat down on the bed.  "When was the last time you did something with
Joey?"

"The last time?  The photo shoot yesterday."

"No, I mean, when was the last time you hung out with him.  I mean, the last
time you really hung out with him.  For fun.  On our free time."

"What free time?" JC joked.

"I'm serious, JC."

JC paused in thought.  "I'm not sure ... maybe sometime last week?  When we
went to that one club and he met that one blond girl?"

"Yeah, that's what I thought.  I haven't done anything with Joey or Chris
since last weekend."

"What's this all about?" JC wanted to know.

"Josh, we're ignoring our friends.  You know how much I love you, and the
time we have together, but I just talked with Lance and I didn't realize it
before, but we're kind of shutting the other guys out.  Or at least we're
making them feel like they can't hang out with us."

JC bit his lip.  "Yeah, you're right.  Shit."

"I never wanted to be one of those people who forgot about everything
important for one person," Justin said.  "But I guess if you find the right
person, anything can happen."

"I wouldn't know," JC replied.

Justin's jaw dropped and JC started to laugh.  "I'm just kidding, honey," JC
said.  "Isn't that why you love me?  My stunning sense of humor?"

JC moved over to the bed to sit with Justin.  "I've found the right person.
  He's sweet and intelligent and just the best person I know.  And I love
him more than anything."

Justin turned towards JC and kissed him.  "But you're right," JC continued.
"I don't want Chris and Joey and Lance to think that we don't have time for
them."

"Yeah, it's different with us than it is for Chris and Danielle.  At least
when he focuses on her, he's not spending time with all four of us.  But
with us, we're together without other three.  I don't want to disrupt the
group dynamic that much by alienating them.  Plus, I really miss them,
Josh."

"I know.  I do, too.  We're not as tight as we used to be, but we'll do
something about that.  I guess we just have to try to remember that we're
not the only two people in the world.  We don't have to spend every single
second together, just by ourselves.  And I really do want to spend more time
with Chris and Joey and Lance.  As long as I go to bed with you every night,
of course."

Justin smiled.  "Of course."


Later that morning, 'N Sync did a radio station interview and more
promotional stuff.  Afterwards, they got into their limo to go out to lunch.
  As it pulled into the restaurant parking lot, Chris groaned.  "Of course
the fans always know where we're eating before we do."

"It's that crazy 'N Sync radar," Lance said.  "I don't know how they do it
either.  Can they smell us coming from a mile away or something?"

"I bet they can smell Joey!" Chris yelled, slapping Joey on the shoulder.

Joey pretended to be offended and pouted in his seat.  The other guys
laughed except for Justin.  He was resting his chin on his hand and staring
vacantly out the tinted windows at the medium sized crowd of girls just
standing outside the restaurant.

JC put his arm around his shoulders and leaned in closer to him.  "Are you
okay, sweetie?" he asked.

"Why can't they just leave us alone sometimes?" Justin wondered tiredly.  "I
mean, thanks for being fans and everything, we really appreciate it, but can
we eat in peace?"

JC nodded in agreement.  "Yeah, I know.  But they love us.  Can you blame
them?"

Justin laughed a little at JC's joke but quickly fell silent again.  The
limo grinded to a halt and Chris, Lance, and Joey immediately got up,
stepped out, and were greeted by the crowd.

JC pulled on his leather jacket.  "Come on, Justin."

Justin just sat in his seat and didn't move.  "Justin, are you okay?"  JC
shut the door and sat back down next to him.

Justin ran his fingers through his hair.  Suddenly he broke the silence.  "I
can't breathe," Justin said, his breaths short and forced.  "God, I feel
like I can't breathe."

JC wrapped his arms around him and Justin rested his head on JC's shoulder.
JC rocked him gently.  "Everything will be okay," he said softly.

"I can't do this anymore," Justin said desperately, his eyes spilling over
with tears.  "I can't be who they want me to be.  I can't be this important
to them.  Every time I turn around, somebody wants something.  Don't they
understand?  I don't have anything left to give.  All I have is my sanity,
and I'm not even sure about that right now."

JC rubbed his lower back to soothe him, unsure of what to say.  But he
didn't have to say anything.  They both knew that words couldn't make
anything better.  JC knew that Justin just needed to unleash everything in
his internal reservoir of jumbled up emotions.  He needed to know that there
would be someone there for him, no matter what happened.

Justin understood that, for the time being, and for at least a couple more
years to come, his life wasn't really his own anymore.  He couldn't do
whatever he wanted to do anymore.  He could only do what everyone would
allow him to do.  He understood and he resigned himself to that, but he
didn't like it and could never get used to it.  JC especially worried about
him - he worried that this was going to suck the vivacious spirit that he
loved so much from his little angel.  Justin was worried too - only he was
worried that he would never get to be his real self.  He was worried that
people wouldn't like his real self.

It was a lot of pressure for a person to be under.  Justin handled it well,
though.  He really was the strongest one in the group.  He had to be.  He
took the brunt of their fame and popularity.  While the other members
definitely had their fair share of fans, it was Justin who was under
scrutiny and it was Justin who the expectations were placed upon.  At an age
when he should have been discovering who he was and who he wanted to be,
Justin was discovering who people wanted him to be and he felt forced to be
that person.

It was exhausting physically, but much more so mentally.  It was hardest on
Justin because these things were more important to him.  Joey didn't mind so
much being denied privacy by having fans approach him in a restaurant or
even at his own house.  Lance was so good at being what Chris jokingly
referred to as "Hollywood businessman Lance" that the mania didn't affect
him as badly either.  But Justin wasn't like that.  He wanted to be able to
sing and dance and perform, and then go home and be normal.  The celebrity
status didn't allow him that though.  Everyone wanted a piece of Justin
Timberlake.  Sometimes there was never anything left for him.

But more than anything, Justin was scared and overwhelmed.  He was living
like a fish trapped in a small bowl, with everyone gathering around to look.
  He was increasingly becoming "Justin from 'N Sync."  That was one of his
biggest fears - that being Justin Timberlake wasn't enough, that he wasn't
special enough on his own.  Maybe when people actually got to know him, they
would be disappointed with who he really was.

He didn't see why that wouldn't be the case.  He couldn't even please people
with his fake public persona.  No matter what he did, people weren't
satisfied.  They didn't like his hair, the shirt he wore, the way he looked
at the camera.  Whenever he did something that people liked, there were
always just as many who didn't like it.  He felt stuck in a no-win
situation.

Except for when he was with JC.  JC could wash away all those insecurities
with just one smile.  When he was with JC, being himself was enough.  That
feeling was priceless to him.  JC made him feel like he was good enough
after all.  Why else would anyone as perfect as JC want to be with him?

Every now and then, everything just caught up with him and hit him like a
ton of bricks.  This was one of those times.

"Shh," JC said soothingly, rubbing his back.  "Is there anything I can do?"

Justin sniffled and shifted his position so that he was closer to JC.  "I
feel like I'm suffocating," Justin said, his voice shaking.

JC held him closer.  "Just breathe through me," he whispered.

Justin inhaled sharply as another wave of tears hit him.  "God, I love you,"
he said through his sobs.

JC tightened his hold on him and said, "You don't have to go out there.
We'll make something up.  You can stay here."

"No, no, I'll be okay," Justin argued, pulling back from JC.  "I'm just
being dumb right now.  I don't know what's wrong with me."

"Justin, listen to me," JC commanded gently, cupping Justin's chin in his
hand.  "There's nothing wrong with you.  It's okay to be upset.  You know
that, right?"

Justin nodded his head and turned away.  JC could tell that Justin didn't
really believe that.  Justin secretly felt that he should be stronger.  He
felt like he was the weak one in the relationship.  JC was always taking
care of him, and as much as he loved that, what did he really give JC back?
Probably not much of anything.

"I'll be okay," Justin repeated.  "I just need five minutes."  He closed his
eyes and lay across the seat with his head in JC's lap.

JC leaned back in his seat and covered his face with his hands.  He just
wanted to take all of Justin's pain away.  It frustrated him that he
couldn't, but he knew that he didn't have that kind of power.  All he could
do was be there for Justin and hope that maybe that would be enough.

Five minutes later, Justin looked a million times better.  Once he put on
sunglasses, it looked like he had never even been crying in the first place.

"Are you ready to go?" JC asked him, smiling at him encouragingly.

Justin nodded.  "Yeah."

JC grasped his hand and kissed him. Right before JC opened the limousine
door to reveal the crowd, Justin dropped JC's hand as they had done so many
times before.

JC watched as Justin worked his way through the crowd, smiling and talking
to excited fans as he signed autographs for them.  Even as JC signed
autographs of his own, he couldn't help but observe Justin sadly.  Such a
hard life for a kid so young and sweet.  And through it all Justin tried to
do it with a smile on his face.  He had a good heart like that.

JC struggled to blink back tears and they disappeared as quickly as they
formed.  He couldn't let Justin see him cry.  He had to be strong for him.
Justin always came first.


Lunch came and went rather uneventfully - or at least in comparison to the
morning's chaos.  The group of fans had dispersed once they had been
pacified with laying eyes on - and believe it or not - touching the objects
of their affection.

Justin was back to normal.  He usually snapped in and out of it like that.
He had become very adept at covering up his moments of depression and
unhappiness.  He figured it wouldn't do any good to bring the group morale
down.  Justin really only broke down in front of JC.

"So I'm talking to this girl outside," Chris was saying, "and she says to
me, 'Is Justin really going out with Britney Spears?'  Man, you know there's
something wrong when I'M getting asked about YOUR love life."

Justin shrugged.  He didn't really like to talk about Britney that much,
even with the other guys.  They had dated for a while and they'd had sex and
everything, but their relationship was something he liked to forget about.
He was still friends with her, but he didn't like thinking about what it had
been like being her boyfriend.  They saw each other quite often, even with
their hectic schedules, but they were just friends.

"And then she says to me, 'I know they are, my sister's boyfriend's aunt's
neighbor's parole officer's wife works for so-and-so and she told me that
they really are dating.'  Or something like that.  Where do people get this
shit?"

"Yeah, because wives of parole officers are always up-to-date and accurate
about the goings on of teen celebrities," Lance said wryly.

"Wait, it doesn't stop there," Chris continued.  "Then she whips out this
tabloid with some pictures of you and Britney in it and says, 'This is proof
that they're together.'  She gave it to me so I could keep it.  She called
it Exhibit A."

They all laughed at the ridiculousness of some of their fans.  Justin
reached for the tabloid and opened it up.  There was a picture of Justin and
Britney walking with their hands close together, but not touching, and
another one of Justin leaning down so Britney could say something in his
ear.  The article, of course, was complete and total bullshit.

Justin closed the tabloid.  "When are those National Enquirer people going
to learn?" he said.  "I don't like breasts, I like dick."

This remark was met by uncontained laughter.  Chris purposely fell out of
his seat and started rolling around on the floor with his trademark laugh.
"Can I quote you on that one?" he asked.

Justin grinned.  "No, that's off the record."

The rumors about him and Britney didn't really bother Justin that much.  The
only thing that got to him was that people couldn't let it go and continued
to dig around in his business for some kind of wild, salacious story.  He
had dated her for a few months, but they never were very good together.
People thought it was so natural for them to be together, because of their
history and because "they made such a cute couple," but that was hardly the
makings of a solid relationship.

They had mutually broken up almost a year ago, but the rumors still
continued to circulate.  People thought what they wanted to think, and a lot
of them seemed to like to think that they were still dating, which confused
Justin to no end.  He didn't mind it so much, as long as people didn't give
either of them too hard a time about it.  It provided him with a good cover,
at least.  Even if people speculated about Justin being gay, no one really
believed it.  They all thought he was fucking Britney every chance he got.

JC was happy to see that Justin had recovered from his emotional outburst.
He took Justin's left hand and kissed it, placing it between both of his
hands.

"How are you doing?" he asked Justin quietly.

"I'm good," Justin answered confidently.  "I'm better than good, actually."
He turned to smile at JC.

And this time, JC believed him.


Okay, and that was Chapter Four.  I'm sorry it barely mentioned Joey, Lance,
and Chris.  I promise they'll be in the story more in future chapters, but
I'm still establishing the Justin/JC relationship.  The next chapter should
be out sometime later this week.  E-mail me if you want!  Thanks.