Date: Mon, 19 Jun 2000 10:58:27 EDT
From: LissaAGreen@aol.com
Subject: A Love So Blind Chapter 7

"Maybe I should return it, and get him something else." "No man, stick with
it. It's the perfect thing to get someone you love, trust me." "I just don't
want to seem pushy. I don't want to offend him." "I'm sure he'll love it.
Don't worry too much."

Tommy and I were leaving the mall at this moment. I have just put a deposit
down for a ring for Lance for his birthday. Nothing fancy, but nothing cheap
either. I just hope he wouldn't think I'm moving too fast.

"So how about we rent some movies and order a some Chinese or something,
invite lover-boy over, it would be nice to watch someone else make out for a
change." "I'll invite him over, but you can't watch." "Aww come on, I figure
if I can't get any action on my own, I might as watch other people get it."
"That's gross Tommy."

I had to laugh though. When we twelve, we did sorta fool around a bit,
nothing heavy, we just masturbated with each other. Sure say gross now, but a
lot of guys do that. Friends sometimes helps out. It wasn't until he was
seventeen when he told me he was gay. Like me he was afraid I would reject
him, which really was the opposite, I thought I was actually the causae of
it, because of we did when we we're little, but he explained he always knew
he was gay. I guess I sorta did too, but never brought it up.

"Whatcha thinking about?" Tommy asked me all of a sudden. "Oh, just when we
we're kids." "The good old days huh." "Yeah." "You know you we're my first."
"You we're mine too." "How come we never got together?" "As much as I love
you Tommy, I don't love you in that way." "I know. I feel the same about you.
it would be too weird if we started dating." "Besides, you can't kiss for
shit!" "Whatever, You'll have to ask Lance that one." "Do you think he'll
come by tonight?" "I hope so, we kinda left on a bad note, I'll have to call
him when we got home."

In the hotel room.....      JC's thoughts....

when I got into my room, well the one I share with Lance. I found it was
empty. There was a note on his bed, I went over to take a look at it.

    Dear Josh, I just went to go for a walk, I just to get out. I was stood
up today. I guess you we're right in a way. I'm sorry about the fight, I
didn't mean to sound like I didn't want to hang with you. Hope your not mad
anymore.
I should be home before you are, but if not, order something for dinner, and
get a movie or something. Anything it's up to you. I'll see you tonight

                James LB

I had to smile at this. my heart started to beat faster. I could even hear it.
I was still pissed off at Jason for lying to Lance like this, and from the
letter, so was he.
I've known Lance for three years, he's only had three relationships. none
we're very good ones. Can't really say the one he's having with Jason is a
good one by the looks of it. Matt, was bad from the beginning, and before
there was Danielle Fishel. She was okay. She seemed friendly and she was nice
to him, but that was a matched set. The producers of Boy Meets World saw how
good they were getting along when we guessed starred on it, so I guess word
got around that they were dating. So eventually, they did start to date. bad
idea. And bad timing for both of them.
I haven't had many dates, or many love interests. Fans don't count in that
area. Although lately I have been looking at the wrong sex for some reason
and the strange part is I've been getting turned on by guys a lot more then I
should be. Like the other day when lance had his shirt off. I got to see what
most fans would die for a glimpse of. I had to admit he has a beautiful chest.
But since he's been dating this Jason guy I haven't been able to talk to him.

Maybe I'm just lonely. I mean, Justin's been dating Brittany off and on, Joey
and Chris are always out girl hunting which leaves me.

I took a fast shower and ordered some room service. I rented a couple of
movies which I know Lance or I haven't seen yet.

"Hay Josh." I turn and noticed Lance standing there. He looked kinda sad. I
smiled at him. I wanted to him to know I wasn't mad anymore, I never really
was.
"Hay Lance. I've ordered spaghetti and meatballs is that all right?" "Sounds
great! We're you able to get any good movies?" "They only had American Pie
and Sleepy Hollow." "Sexy and scary, interesting." "Have you been crying?" "A
little bit, I'm okay though. I'm sorry for the fight this morning." "Don't
apologize, I was an asshole." "No, I was. You were just worried about me."

It was then the telephone rang. I groaned. I knew it was Jason calling. I
guess Lance did too. he sighed heavily and went over to the phone.

"Don't worry Josh, I'm not going anywhere."

I smiled when he told me this, and quietly said 'yes!' I had him all to
myself tonight. Why was I getting so excited?

"Hello?" "Hay Lance, it's Jason." "I had a feeling it was." "What's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong, I'm sorry." "Your still mad at me aren't you?" "Well,
shouldn't I be?" "Yeah but I know you, you won't stay mad at me for long."
"What makes you so sure?" "Because I know your smiling right now. Look, how
about we forget this ever happened okay? come one over tonight and we'll just
hang out, I want you to meet my friend." "Jason, I srota promised Josh I'd
hang out with him tonight." "So bring him with you." "Jas, I'm sorry, we've
already made plans. Spend time with your friend, we'll meet up tomorrow or
something." "Your not mad at me still are you?" "No, I never was really. I'll
call you tomorrow okay?" "Yeah, sure." "I love you." "I love you too. Good
night."

It killed me hearing those three words coming out of Lance's mouth that
weren't directed to my ears.

"Lance, if you want to go over there, it's okay, I understand." "No, I'm
still a little pissed at him any ways. Besides you were right this morning,
we don't spend much time together."

I smiled. I was glad he choose me over Jason. maybe a little more happy then
I should have been.

When the food arrived, I set the table out on the deck. I wasn't trying to
seem romantic by all means, just different. However I would love to try to
seduce Lance, but didn't want to ruin anything.

"Thanks for wanting to hang out tonight." I said when we sat down to eat. "No
problem. No need to thank me." "Well, I'm no compressing to Mr. Perfect."
"I'm not comparing you two Josh, I love spending time with you really, it's
just, I don't know." "What? tell me?" "Ever have the feeling your never going
to find the right person?" "Been there, hell, I am there." "It was so hard
for me to come out to you guys, because other then my family, you guys are
the only friends I have." "I know how you feel." "How could you know?"

Shit, I think I just blew my cover.

"Nevermind." "Come on Josh, what is it?" "I think I'm gay too." "Think?"
"Well, I know I am, but I've never bee with a guy before." "How long have you
known?" "For a while. Since we all met I guess." "How come you never told
us?" "I," "Josh, you we're the first one to yell at me before when I came out
to you for not telling the guys." "I know, and I'm sorry. I now realize how
hard it is. Specially since I can't have the one I want anyway, what's the
point?" "You already have a crush on someone?" "You could call it a crush, I
guess." "Who's the lucky guy?" "Oh hell no, I ain't tell you!" "I knew it was
Justin!" "it's not him. I wouldn't love the monkey ass if he was the last guy
on earth!"

We started cracking up. I was really nervous about letting anything else slip
out though.

"Come on Josh, tell me, you can trust me." "If you only knew." "Okay, I
understand it's private. Is this mystery man gay too?" "Yes,. But he's
taken." "Ouch!" "Tell me about it. Lance, there's something I should tell
you. You won't like it, in fact, we might even get into another fight." "What
is it?" "Justin and I saw Jason at the mall today," "Don't tell me you have a
crush on my boyfriend." "Hell no!" "Good, cuz I'd have to kick your ass."
"Yeah, in your dreams!" "Whatever! So, what happened?" "Well, he wasn't
alone. He was with some guy."

I waited before I looked directly into Lance's eyes too his reaction. I hated
telling him that.

"It was probably his friend that he was telling me about." "Maybe, but they
looked a littlemore then friends." "What are you trying to tell me?" "They
we're holding hands Lance, look, I probably shouldn't say anything, but they
looked really close." "Well, I'm glad I didn't go over there tonight." "I
probably didn't see what I thought I saw, but I just thought you should
know." "I don't think there anything to worry about yet." "Can I ask you a
personal question?" "Sure." "How far have you two got?" "We've only kissed."
"Have you ever? I can't even say it." "Even though I have had boyfriends and
relationships, yes I'm a virgin." "How did you know I was going to ask that?"
"I can tell by how embarrassed you looked. What about you? If you don't mind
me asking." "Yeah, I am. At the rate I'm going, I'll be one for the rest of
my life." "I doubt that very much. Your very popular with the fans, and I'm
sure there are some guy fans that are attracted to you as well." "Please,
guys hate us." "Hay not all guys." "Your boyfriend even admitted hating us,
even though he was gay." "True, but I don't think all guys hate us. You just
have to be patient." "I've been patient my whole life" "I'm surprised you
haven't had many relationships in your life, I always thought you were kind
cute." "Really? Well, we have something in common then I guess."

I couldn't believe I just herd what Lance just told me. This night was
getting better then I planned. I never planned on telling Lance I was gay,
let alone though he was cute.

We had finished eating. I started to clear the table and Lance put the movie
on.
"You want me to me to make some popcorn?" I asked. "Sure. What one you want
to see first? Gory and scary? or funny and sexy?" "Do you have to ask? Put
American Pie in." "Good, I was going to put it in anyway. You know who's cute
in this movie?" "Yeah, Jason Biggs." "Hell yeah!" "Why do you think I rented
it?" "Because your a pervert!"

I laughed and sat next to Lance on the couch. The bowl of popcorn was between
us.

"You know, I sorta have a bad memory with this movie," said Lance when it
started.
"What?" "I was caught masturbating by my Mom." "That must have been
embarrassing!" "It was the worst moment of my life. Okay I told you an
embarrassing moment, your turn." "My turn," "come, I know your not innocent
as you may seem." "well, I don't know if it counts as embarrassing because no
one caught me. When I'm singing on stage, next to Justin, I can feel that I'm
getting a hardon." "You've been caught, it counts." "What do you mean?"
"Justin knows and so do I." "Whoops, I guess the cat is out of the bag."
"Well, it was the top of the conversation lately." "Didn't know my body was
so interesting to everyone." "It isn't" "Hay!" "Just kidding. You do like
Justin, don't you?" "No. he my brother, I do have those feelings for him. You
really want to know who I like?" "Well, yeah. I mean we shared so much
already tonight, none of it will leave this room."

I looked up at Lance. he looked so sexy. He has a great smile. And His eyes,
I could look into them forever.
How was I going to tell him this? He already has a boyfriend. I know just
what he'll say if I tell him.
'Sorry JC, I wish you told me earlier, you know I'm taken.'
Why would I want to hear that? It will break my heart, even though I know
it's true I didn't want to hear it.
What was I going to do now?