Date: Fri, 9 May 2003 16:45:18 -0700 (PDT)
From: Jason Calme <jasoncalme@yahoo.com>
Subject: Boy bands - All The Ways I Love You - Chapter 30

All the Ways I Love You

This story is about male/male relationships and contains
graphic descriptions of sex.

You should not read this story if it is in any way illegal
due to your age or residence.

This is a work of pure fiction. It mixes fictional characters
and events with real people. However any real person
mentioned in this work is purely an actor playing a part.
This story in no way is meant to imply anything about the
sexuality, personality, or behavior of the actual person.

Thanks to the many readers who have responded to this story.
Thanks to mattvt for reviewing and proofing parts of this
story; all errors remain my fault!

Copyright 2003 Jason Calme. This story is the sole property
of its author and may not be copied in whole or in part or
posted on any website without the permission of the author.

Questions and commentary can be sent to
"JasonCalme@yahoo.com".


Chapter 30


It's odd how couples can have the same arguments, the same
misunderstandings, over and over again. I don't know why it
happens. Maybe it's just one of those things you have to accept. Or
maybe it means you need to work harder...



Justin and I had settled into a comfortable relationship. He was in
town about one to two weeks out of every month. It was less than
I hoped for, but then it was more than what I'd expected too. He
kept saying he would be changing things so he could be in town
more often, but I knew that with recording, group responsibilities
and touring, there was going to be little chance of seeing more of
him, and even a chance that I'd be seeing a lot less.

Despite this, when he told me he was going on tour and he
wasn't going to be back for two months I was heartbroken.

I didn't tell him. Yeah I told him I was going to miss him, and
didn't want him to go, but I didn't make a big stink about it. This
was what I'd signed up for.



"How's it going?" Abby asked me one day. I'd called her up to
bitch a little. Justin was in the bedroom playing away. I'd been
writing, but had gotten frustrated with a story I was working on
and was looking for some distraction.

"Oh, okay," I said noncommittally. "How are things with you
guys?"

"Same old thing. Haven't seen you two in a while."

"Well you probably won't be seeing one of us for a long while."

"Oh..." she said.

"It's nothing bad," I said, wondering if she thought I meant we
were splitting up. "Justin's going off on tour for the next...oh just
about forever..."

"Forever?"

"Okay, not forever, just a god awful long time."

"Won't he be able to come back now and again?" Abby asked
calmly.

"It's...difficult. You know, he has time off here and there, but he
has other things that have be squeezed in, and then...well it just
turns out he'd be able to fly in for an afternoon or something
ridiculous, and he's already going to be exhausted."

"Sounds like you're going to be very lonely," she laughed.

"I think I'll have to talk to Justin about seeing other people," I
tried joking back.

"You or him?"

"Both of us! You think he's the only one that can have fun?"

"Are you joking?"

"Yes. He wouldn't go for it anyway," I said.

"Luckily for you! If you guys agreed to see other people he'd
have someone tomorrow. Three months from now you'd still be
getting up the nerve to go out to a bar."

"Oh God! Not that!" I groaned, "No I'm just frustrated."

"Well you need to take care of that before he goes."

"Huh!" I laughed. "He's busy at the moment. He always seems to
be busy. I think he's a little nervous about the whole thing."

There was a pause, then Abby added seriously. "Well, remember
you're welcome over here any time."

"Thanks Abby. Say hi to Tony."


Over the next week Justin became more distant. I thought he
was just getting anxious before the tour. He was away for a few
days, but then came back for the last week before the tour. When
he arrived he seemed anxious. A ball of energy that didn't seem to
know what to do with itself. All afternoon he paced around. He
didn't seem to have anything to do, and was unable to concentrate
on anything.

He took me out to a very fancy restaurant that first night back.
We had to pretend to be friends, but it was still a very nice place.
Justin finally seemed to relax and we had a great time. The food
was really good and it was romantic.

We got back to the apartment and started making out, but I
could tell something was on Justin's mind. Something more than
nerves about the upcoming tour.

"You want something to drink?" I asked, untangling myself from
his arms and getting up from the couch.

He looked at me a little lost, and nodded.

"What are you going to have?" he asked.

I ran through what we had and couldn't make up my mind.

"Not sure," I said, about to list the possibilities.

"I'll have what you're having," he said, surprising me a little as he
usually knew exactly what he wanted.

"Okay," I said and went into the kitchen. I was looking in the
fridge, idly considering Ginger Ale when Justin same in.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked quietly.

"About what?" I said standing up and turning around.

"About us..." he said, trailing off.

"What about us?" I asked, genuinely confused.

"You're angry I'm going to be away so long," he said quietly.

I stood looking at him, trying to hold his gaze. I shrugged.

"Yeah," I nodded, "a little. I guess I...I guess in the abstract it
seemed like it would be easy, but now it's staring me in the face
and I'm just...it's so difficult."

He nodded. There was a long quiet.

"You know...maybe we should talk about it..." he finally said.

"I don't know that there's much to talk about Justin, I mean, you
have to do it. I don't want to...but I'm not going to stop you..."

"No," he interrupted. "I meant about us."

"About us?" I asked, my chest suddenly feeling tight. About us?
What did he want to talk about us for? Was something wrong with
us? Was it over?

"Just about...well we're going to be apart for a while and what
that means..."

I stood looking at him. I began to wonder if this meant what I
thought it meant. Was this about touring? About the temptations he
was going to be surrounded by? Was he looking for some kind of
permission to cheat on me?

I'd thought about this a bit. In a way I kind of knew there was a
possibility that it would happen. I guess I'd kind of subconsciously
decided to just pray that he's safe and careful, and he doesn't rub
my nose in it. That was kind of the attitude I had. I knew I couldn't
face it in the light. I wasn't going to give him permission to cheat on
me. That was never going to happen. If he cheated, he was going
to have to do it in secret and suffer with the guilt! That was the only
thing that was fair!

Justin stepped towards me, standing in front of me, clutching his
hands together and kind of wringing them nervously. He looked
down and then up at me, and then away again, seeming to try and
say something, but he couldn't get the words out.

"What's on your mind Justin?" I asked.

He looked up nervously, but then looked away again. He started
to open his mouth but couldn't get anything out.

"Come on Turbo," I said quietly, "just say it."

"Okay..." he began nervously. "I know that things have been
hard for you and...maybe this hasn't been all that you'd hoped it
would be..."

"Justin!" I interrupted him.

"No...let me finish...I just...I know you've been unhappy with me
lately and I...if you...if you want to end it then I think we
should...we should..." he was standing there looking very sad. Not
quite crying.

"Justin," I said stepping closer, putting my arms around him and
hugging him. "I'm so sorry...I didn't realize that I'd been that upset
that you thought that I...for a minute was unhappy with you. I was
just upset we were going to be apart for so long baby...that's all...I
thought you knew."

"I just..."

"What Justin?"

"I don't know how to talk about it," he said.

"Talk about what?"

"I...I...I can't share," he said, a tear running down his cheek, "if
that's what you want, I can't do it."

"Share what?"

"You."

"What?!"

"Date other people..." he almost whispered.

"What are you talking about?"

There was a pause. "You...you don't want to...to date other
people?" he asked sounding really surprised.

"Date other people?" I said. "Where'd you get that idea?"

"I overheard you talking to Abby."

"What?"

"A couple of weeks ago."

I thought for a moment, and then I remembered the phone call. "I
was joking Justin! Jesus! And you never said anything to me?"

"I was...I thought I was going to lose you!" he half cried, but now
he was happy and he grabbed me in a hug.

"Oh Justin," I laughed, hugging him back tightly and kissing him.
"You know I thought you were going to ask me if it would be alright
for you to sleep with people while on tour!"

"What! I'd never do that!" Justin said, sounding a little hurt.

"Oh man!" I said. "I guess we need to work on our
communication more."



We spent the next few days practically wrapped around each
other. Not sex all the time. Just being together reading, hugging,
talking, or just lying next to each other. Yeah, there was about as
much sex as we could manage, but it was much more than that. It
was getting in all the touching that we were going to miss over the
next few months.

Which just made the first few days after he left even harder for
me. We were on the phone all the time and exchanging emails.


But then things kind of settled into a routine. I was extremely
productive finishing up the galleys to my latest book. Maybe it was
the lack of sex or distractions that were causing me to channel my
energies into work. It was kind of invigorating! The current schedule
was that the book would be printed shortly after Justin's tour
finished. I was happy about that.

Justin called regularly to let me know how much he missed me.
And in that perverse way of things, I was really happy he was
missing me as much as I was missing him.

So happy, that when Johnny called and suggested I fly over to
Europe and spend some time with Justin, I didn't immediately
dismiss the idea. I wondered a little why Johnny wanted me to go,
but I didn't try and second-guess it. I assumed that Johnny felt it
would do Justin good; I knew he wasn't doing it for me.

The problem was that we needed a cover story. Otherwise
questions would be asked.

I don't know who did what or how, but somehow I was assigned
to write an article about Justin and the tour for an Australian
magazine. I suspect they got the article for free, but I didn't care. It
gave me cover as a reporter that would be flying in to spend a few
days following the tour around and interviewing Justin. I was a little
worried about whether I could do a descent job of the article, but
no one else seemed to be worried.

Justin knew I was coming, but Johnny and I managed to create a
little bit of a surprise by having me arrive the day before Justin was
expecting me.

I ended up flying to Paris, arriving early in the morning. Luckily
there was someone there to meet me, as my grasp of French is
next to abysmal. I was chauffeured through the streets of Paris,
and I even saw the Eiffel Tower from a distance, which was exciting.
They dropped me at the hotel and I was given a room key that
turned out to be for a very tiny room. But my tour guide said that I
was to go up to another floor to meet with the record people, so up
I went and I was waved through security. I thought Johnny was
going to be there, but he wasn't. Instead, a young woman who
seemed to be his assistant, guided me down the hall to a door and
opened it for me.

She smiled and said, "He should be back from rehearsals in about
an hour," and left me in Justin's room.

I walked in and looked around. It was much bigger and nicer than
my room! The bed was in a separate room and it was huge! Okay,
this is what it is to be a star!

I wasn't sure what to do. I nervously bounced around for a bit. I
thought about watching TV, but I was really tired. A short nap might
be a good idea. I went into the bedroom and took off my shoes, set
the alarm on my watch for half an hour, then lay down on top of the
covers, still in my clothes.



"Hey, Ethan!" I heard a soft voice calling to me.

I slowly woke up, realizing that Justin was crouching over me on
the bed, blowing gently on my face, a huge smile on his.

"Uh...hey!" I said finally waking up. I smiled at him, and put my
arms around him to pull him into a kiss and then suddenly
wondered if there might be others in the room. I froze and let go of
him, looking around

"It's okay...we're alone" Justin whispered.

I smiled and put my arms up around him and pulled him down to
me and we kissed.

"When did you arrive?" he asked.

"About an hour ago I think," I said tying to see the time on my
watch, "I was going to surprise you, but I must have fallen asleep."

He laughed.

"Well it was quite a surprise when I came in and found you
asleep on the bed!" he laughed again, and poked me in the
stomach. "Though it's a pity you're dressed!"

"I can remedy that," I said, tugging my shirt out of my pants.

"Hey!" he said, "You're the one whose always going on about
taking it slow...slow down...enjoy it."

"Who are you?" I said in a demanding voice. "What have you
done with Justin?"

He laughed and I hugged him close and started kissing him all
over the face.

"I've missed you so much" I said through the kisses.

He kept smiling down at me.

"I'm so happy you came," he answered.

"Oh baby," I said, pulling at his clothes. I had to feel him naked
against me. Feel all of him against me so I could be whole again.
Not to hurriedly fuck or get off, but to be with him and hold him and
have him to myself. No one else got to have him like this. They could
look at him, take pictures of him, dream about him, some even
touched a bit of him, but only I got all of him.

We were both pulling at each other's clothes. We pulled apart to
get off our shoes and socks, pulling at the rest of the clothing.
Sometimes when we undressed it was a slow erotic dance,
watching him strip could be such a turn on, but not right now.

He was finally naked, and my eyes ran up and down him. Looking
at his body, checking him out, had he changed? Was he okay? He
looked a bit thinner, the muscles maybe a little more defined. He
was watching me too, and I felt a little embarrassed, as I always
did. But then I was pulling him under the covers, feeling him against
me, and I couldn't help it, my body shook and I groaned in
anticipation and relief. I squeezed him hard to me, feeling his flesh
against mine, and he pulled back a bit and looked into my eyes.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah," I sighed.

"You were shaking," he pointed out.

"I'm just so happy to have you back next to me," I said, and I
pulled him back to me and ran my hands over his back.

"I've missed you," he said. "I'm so glad you came."

"Me too," I said, kissing his lips.

We hugged and kissed for a long time. Just feeling each other's
bodies and the warmth and comfort of holding each other.

After several minutes of rolling around we were starting to get
aroused and more passionate.

"Justin...when do you have to go to the concert?"

He looked over at the clock.

"A couple of hours."

"You going to eat first?"

"A little bit."

"Maybe you want to save something for the concert?" I said,
pulling back a little.

A look of frustration passed over his face.

"No way!" he said.

"Well, okay, but maybe you should take it easy for this one," I
whispered mischievously, and I rolled him over on his back. "You
just lie there and enjoy it," I smiled.

I took him into my mouth. He lay there, his eyes closed, his body
taught, small moans escaping his lips as I sucked him, gently
rubbing his balls with one hand and rubbing his chest with the
other.

He didn't last long. Then he looked up at me, smiling, breathing
heavily.

"What about you though?" he asked softly.

I crawled up so that I was on top of him. I'd been slowly jerking
myself while sucking him, and now I increased the pace of my
stroking. Justin reached a hand down and began playing with my
balls, while the other hand ran over my back and he started kissing
me, thrusting his tongue into my mouth.

I was leaning my chest down on top of him, just enough room for
my jerking hand to work away. Justin was bouncing my balls up and
down and my whole body went rigid, the feeling running up and
down my body and then the liquid pumping out of me, covering us
both, and I was groaning and gasping, and then collapsing on top
of him.

"We should get some rest," he whispered into my ear.

"We better arrange a wake up call. My watch didn't work."

He picked up the phone and spoke to someone. I grabbed a
towel and quickly wiped us down, and then we lay down, wrapping
ourselves around one another and fell asleep.



The phone rang and I wondered where I was. Justin reached out
and answered it.

"We have to get up," he grunted at me.

"Okay," I said, trying to sit up. Sometimes you wake up from a
nap feeling great. Sometimes you feel like you want to sleep for
another three days. This seemed like one of the latter to me, but I
got up anyway. Justin was giving a concert tonight, and then we
had a few days before he was performing in Germany, and then
we'd have some more time together. Just over eight days together.
I could get 'up' for that.


The time with Justin was great, but I don't know if I was happy to
see what I saw of the touring life. It didn't give me any
reassurance. I hadn't realized that there would be so many young,
driven people - a mass of hormones and energy - all kind of
huddling together for safety, and comfort.

It was the perfect vehicle for sex and drugs, and though it was
not overt, there was a steady undercurrent that I felt you only had
to dip your toe in and you would be sucked under.

I was particularly uncomfortable around the dancers. They were
all such beautiful people-want-to-be's. They worked hard to look
good and move well, but they were kind of blank once you started
talking to them.

Or maybe I was just looking for the worst because I saw them as
competition. I didn't like the way the woman, and many of the men,
looked at Justin. One boy in particularly, Tommy, a 19-year-old, tall,
dark-haired dancer with a serious attitude, seemed to hang on
Justin whenever he could. Tommy was clearly gay. Not in a limped
wrist kind of way, he just was clearly interested in being with males.
And he seemed to have his sights set on Justin.

Meanwhile I was in the awkward position of posing as someone
who was there just to write an article. When I went out to dinner
with Justin and some others, and Tommy literally hung off Justin at
the restaurant, I couldn't just step up to him and rip his arms out of
their sockets.

As much as I wanted to.

I just sat there and wished him a lot of bad luck with every glare I
gave him. Maybe he'd trip and fall or something.

As the evening wore on the others started to leave, but Tommy
hung around. Eventually there were just four of us left, and it was
clear that Tommy had no intention of leaving. He was going to
outwait the rest of us.

I finally took the bull by the horns and said I was going to go
back to the hotel. The other three, including Justin, just nodded to
me and said good night, so I got up and walked away.

Outside the restaurant I stood waiting for a cab, seething. Justin
better not stay too late I'd decided, cause he was going to catch it.

"Hey!" said a voice and I turned to see Justin coming up behind
me.

Before I could open my mouth a cab pulled up, so I turned around
and hopped in, Justin jumping in beside me. The cab pulled away
and Justin regarded me with a serious expression. And then he
dissolved into laughter.

"What's so fucking funny?" I asked, still pissed about what had
happened.

"Your face!" he laughed. "You should have seen your face when
you said you were going and I said 'Okay.' Oh God!" and he hooted.

"Yeah very funny," I replied bitterly.

"Oh don't be angry," Justin said. "I was just playing with you."

"He was all the fuck over you!" I yelled, then remembered we
were in a cab.

Justin shrugged. "Yeah, he's been trying hard."

"You've got to tell him to back off," I said angrily.

"I thought maybe if he got it out of his system he'd realize
nothing was going to happen."

"I don't want him getting anything out of his system with you," I
snapped,

"Okay, okay, I'll tell him and I'll keep away from him. Okay?"

"Okay."

"You mad?" he asked quietly.

"Yes."

He was quiet for a moment.

"You still mad?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Very mad?"

"No."

"Okay," he nodded.

Another moment of quiet.

"You still mad?"

"Yes," I said, getting a little annoyed now.

"You still mad?" he repeated, batting his eye lids at me.

"Yes!...oh..no!" I said, most of the anger gone now.

"You're not mad?" he whispered in a sexy voice.

"Shut the fuck up, you," I said, trying not to laugh.

"Have to make me," he said laughing, and then jumping out as
the cab pulled to a stop.

I paid for the cab and then followed him in. We took separate
elevators. I went to my room, where I grabbed some clothes for the
next day, and then I made my way up to Justin's room. When I
went in I found him already in bed. Naked.

"Hurry up," he said, "I've started without you."

"Then stop," I said.

"I can't," he said.

"Think about my Mother naked," I said.

"What? Ohhhh...you're a sick fuck."



Justin and I spent several days touring around seeing the sights.
Nearly all of the time he was disguised. Most of the time he had
security with him. I didn't argue it. In fact I welcomed it in a way.
Being in a foreign country, unsure of the language, the people or
the attitudes, I just didn't know what to expect. In New York I kind
of felt like I knew what the dangers were. Could assess the risks.
But here I was completely at sea. I didn't know what direction to
run in if something happened. So I'd rather have someone big and
strong with us, than constantly be looking over my shoulder,
wondering if we were in the wrong part of town or had gone down
the wrong alley.

We still had a lot of fun, and Justin talked dreamily about buying a
house in Europe somewhere, maybe Spain, to holiday in. It didn't
appeal to me, but I nodded my head and said it would certainly
make life interesting.


The next concert was scheduled for the following night when we
arrived back.  We did spend a lot of time together, both in bed and
out of it, and I even managed to write a pretty good article, which I
thought didn't completely give away the fact that I was totally in
love with the person I was writing about.

At the end of the week I reluctantly said goodbye to Justin and flew
back to New York and waited for his return, and the publication of
my book.


-------------------------------
To be continued...



-------------------------------

My other stories:
    High School: Do What You Can
    Celebrity: Boy Bands: Birthday Blues