Date: Thu, 16 Jan 2003 13:29:30 -0800 (PST)
From: Jason Calme <jasoncalme@yahoo.com>
Subject: Boy Bands: All the Ways I Love You - Chapter 9

All the Ways I Love You

This story is about male/male relationships and contains graphic
descriptions of sex.

You should not read this story if it is in any way illegal due to your
age or residence.

This is a work of pure fiction. It mixes fictional characters and events
with real people. However any real person mentioned in this work is
purely an actor playing a part. This story in no way is meant to imply
anything about the sexuality, personality, or behavior of the actual
person.

Copyright 2003 Jason Calme. This story is the sole property of its
author and may not be copied in whole or in part or posted on any
website without the permission of the author.

Questions and commentary can be sent to
"JasonCalme@yahoo.com".


Chapter 9


The drive up was pretty crappy. I was tired and I was upset. A
couple of times I felt the urge to drive the car under the wheels of
an 18-wheeler. Just to spite him. But I was just so pissed at Justin
that I decided I wouldn't give him the satisfaction. He wasn't worth
it. When you get down to it, I hardly knew him. Didn't know him for
the sex obsessed, lying, cheating, straight fuck he was!

God I hate men! It's times like this that make me wish I liked
women.

Men! Always thinking with their fucking dicks.

I know one guys dick I'd like to do a little Bobbit to. I could almost
imagine Justin without a dick or balls. The rest of him would still be
beautiful. Isn't that what a perfect boy band pop-star would be? A
eunuch? That way they could never do any nasty sexual things and
they'd always have perfect high voices.

Shit! Maybe I'm on to something here.

I turned on the radio. Justin's voice burst out of the speakers.
Fuck! I'd been listening to his CD on the trip down. Then I
remembered that song of his I liked. "Cry Me A River."

I jumped to that track and listened to it for a minute.


      You were my sun
      You were my earth
      But you didn't know all the ways I loved you No
      So you took a chance
      Made other plans
      But I bet you didn't think they would come crashing down No


I turned it over in my mind. All the ways I loved you. No! He
didn't. The fuck!

But shit! Listening to someone you thought you were in love with
singing about how they were the victim of cheating just doesn't
quite work. At least not for me.

Maybe this was revenge cheating? Maybe after being the victim
he wanted to be the victor? Find someone, string them along, and
then cheat on them. What a great way to build back your ego.

The fucker.

I pulled the CD out of the deck, looked at it for a second, and
tossed it carelessly into the back seat. I turned the radio off and
drove in silence for a while.

Angry silence.

I tried the radio again because I thought it might take my mind off
things, and I didn't feel like listening to any of the CDs I had with
me.

Sometimes art imitates life, and sometimes life imitates art. In the
old movie 'Better Off Dead' there was this scene where the hero
has been dumped and he's driving along and every song he hears
on the radio is about broken hearts and getting dumped. The scene
ends with him tossing the radio out of the car.

That scene was true! Shit! There are a lot of songs about
heartbreak!

The little fucker. Damn fucking bastard.

I ended up listening to classical music for a couple of hours. Some
of it was dark and angry. Just like my mood.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I tried yelling it. Screaming it as I drove down the highway. See if
I could get it out.

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

I started thumping the steering wheel with my right hand.

Fuck! Thump. Fuck! Thump. Fuck! Thump.

I started laughing. I felt silly. I was driving this little car down the
highway screaming obscenities. What would someone think if they
saw me?

They'd think I'd just been dumped by some stupid fuck.




My cousin Dave's apartment building is in Virginia, a few miles out
of the city. It wasn't hard for me to find, and the building has
underground parking. Thankfully his neighbors had a space they
weren't using so I could park the car in the garage. That was a
relief to me, as leaving it on the streets would have made me very
nervous. It was so bright and shiny.

Despite everything, I'd enjoyed the driving, and I idly wondered
what it would be like to own a car again. But then I'd need to
garage it and that would cost a small fortune.


Dave came out to show me where the parking space was, and
then helped me carry my bags up to his place. He noticeably didn't
ask me about why I'd arrived so early. I dropped my bags and we
hung out for a little while talking. We talked about the drive up, the
Mini, and cars in general; a subject of extreme interest to Dave:
he's a BMW owner.

Dave suggested we go eat at a local restaurant, and since it
wasn't far, and it was a nice evening, we decided to walk. It was
nice to stretch my legs after spending the last two days in the car.
And the restaurant was great; a really good Italian place. We sat
and whiled away the time catching up on family news and telling
each other about our careers and what we had been up to.

I didn't mention Justin at all. Not even the trip to LA and the
script. Or the chance that I was going out to LA again to meet with
some more studios. Maybe I'd find another lover while I was out
there. They were obviously all easy sluts out there.


We got back to the house about 9 and watched some TV. I was
tired from all the driving. At one point I excused myself to use the
bathroom and when I came back Dave had pulled out the bed from
the couch and there were blankets and sheets piled up. I had to
make it up myself. Dave said he had to get up for work in the
morning and that it was time for him to hit the sack. He said
goodnight and I thanked him again for letting me stay.


I slept the sleep of the innocent. After all, it wasn't me that had
cheated on my boyfriend of three weeks with some bimbo. With my
boyfriend in the same fucking house! The little shit!

The fucker!

I woke up a little before 8am when the phone range. I heard
Dave on the phone in the bedroom, but I couldn't hear what he was
saying.

I was in no hurry to get up. I actually thought I'd wait until Dave
had left so that I didn't get in his way. But I couldn't get back to
sleep, so I got up and rooted about in my bag, thinking maybe I'd
read something.

After a few minutes I gave up on that too. I couldn't find anything
I was interested in reading, and Dave didn't seem to have anything
either. At least not in the living room. I did find my phone and
figured I should charge it up as I planned to take it with me today.

I sat down on the end of the bed and turned on my phone and
plugged it in to recharge the batteries. The message icon flashed
and I idly pushed the button and waited for it to connect.

"You have 7 new message," came the voice. I pushed the button.

"Received yesterday at 9:24am."

"Hey Ethan," said Justin's voice, "Sorry about last night...I guess I
was really tired and fell asleep... I'm a jerk," and he laughed lightly.
"Uh sorry about that...so I was just wondering where you are.
We're going to go out to the Mall and I wanted to know if you
wanted to come?"

So that was the way he was going to play it. Pretend nothing had
happened. Is that what he planned to do?

Or had it been an accident and he hadn't meant it to happen?
And if that was the case, did he now regret it, or did he want to
dump me? I wasn't sure if I wanted to know. Either way it was bad
news. I was facing being dumped, or a cheating boyfriend who
wanted me to take him back.

Or worse. He wanted to keep fucking her, and fucking with me as
well.

Little shit.

I pushed the button to delete the message.

"Received yesterday at 12:05pm."

"Ethan," said Justin, "we're gonna go get something for lunch.
You want to come? Call me."

I deleted the message.

"Received yesterday at 2:19pm."

"Uh, Ethan," said Justin, "Lance just told me your cousin broke his
leg. Dude, I'm sorry," there was a pause, "give me a call when you
get in, okay?"

"Received yesterday at 7:46pm."

"Ethan, it's Justin," said Justin, "I was...just wanted to check that
you got there okay. Call me, okay?"

"Received yesterday at 10:23pm."

The phone beeped and there was a pause, then Justin started
talking quietly. "Ethan...uh...I'm really worried about you. I haven't
heard from you and don't know where you are...are you okay? Why
haven't you called me?" there was a pause, "Please call me, okay.
Please?"

"Received today at 7:31am."

"Ethan," it was Justin sounding casual. "I hope your cousin is
doing okay. Are you okay? Can you call me, I..." I clicked the delete
button. I didn't want to hear any more.

"Received today at 7:45am."

"Hi! It's Abby! Just calling to see how the trip is going and that
everything's okay. Give me a call. Bye!"

I turned off the phone. I didn't want to get any calls. Best to
forget him. Just forget him

That's all I had to do. Forget him. That's what I had to keep
telling myself.

I went out to the kitchen.

I just had to put him out of my mind. Forget him.

Dave was standing at the counter eating some cereal.

I'm not even going to think...

"Hey," said Dave.

"What? Oh hey," I said, "you still here?" I looked at my watch and
it was just after 9.

Just have to remind myself he's a shit. Easy to forget...

"I sometimes go in late," he said cryptically. "I just wanted to
make sure you were okay. You were a bit out of it last night."

"Yeah," I said stretching, "I'm fine."

I caught Dave's eye and he was looking at me with an amused
expression on his face.

"What," I said.

"Your Mother called this morning," he said smiling.

"She called? Why?"

"Wanted to know how my leg was," he grinned.

"Your leg? Your leg? What? How'd she..." I stood there dazed.
How did my mother hear about that?

"Your friend Abby called her," he said. "Your Mother said that a
friend of yours had called Abby. Something about you coming up
here because of an emergency."

"Oh shit! Sorry about that. I'll...I better call her and sort it out," I
said.

"Could you? Before my Mother starts calling me too," and he
snickered.

"Okay, okay," I said.

Dave looked serious. "Is everything okay? Anything I can do?"

"No. I'm fine. I just needed an excuse to get out of an awkward
situation. Sorry. I didn't think it would get back to anyone."

"Oh! Okay. Well I've got to run. I'll see you later tonight."

"Okay, thanks. Uh sorry about that Dave."


I called my Mom. She wasn't there so I left a message saying I
was sorry about the confusion, I was fine, and it was just a
'diplomatic' excuse and I was sorry it had got out of hand.

Then I called Abby at her work.

"Hey Ab," I said trying to sound cool and calm.

"Ethan! What's going on? Is your cousin okay?"

"Nothing. Everything's fine. Actually he didn't hurt his leg at all.
I'm just here hanging out in DC."

"What happened Ethan?" she asked, sounding worried. "Justin
called me this morning and he's very worried. What happened?"

"He doesn't need to worry about me. I'm fine," I said a little
acidly.

"So why the story about..." and she paused.

"I just had to get away," I said.

"What happened?" she asked, "What did he do?" she almost
whispered.

"It's nothing," I said.

"Come on, tell me."

"Um..."

"What?" she persisted.

"I got down there and he had a girlfriend with him."

"No!" she almost yelled.

"They went out that night and then they slept together," I was
whispering, tears were running down my cheeks.

"Oh Ethan, I'm sorry."

"I'm okay," sniffing and wiping my face with the back of my hand.

"I just don't understand it. So what happened then? I mean,
why's he so worried about you?"

"Fucked if I know, he's just a jerk."

"He seemed genuinely upset when he called," she said. "Maybe
he realizes he made a mistake?"

"A mistake?" I laughed.

"What did he say about it? Did he think you'd be okay with it or
something?" she sounded confused and angry. I couldn't blame her.
Justin had deceived us both. We'd thought he was a nice guy. How
wrong we were. He was just like all those stories about celebrities
and rich people. He was a piece of shit that thought he could do
whatever he liked with whoever he liked.

"Nothing," I said finally, "I just left."

"So you didn't talk to him about it?"

"No."

"Well I don't understand it," she said. "Maybe it's just a
misunderstanding?"

"A misunderstanding? He was naked in bed with her," I snapped.

"Well I don't understand it," she said thoughtfully. "He seemed
genuine when he called. Why don't you call him?"

"No," I said. "I don't want to talk to him again. It's over. It never
even really started. Look I've got to go. I'm going to go do a tour of
the downtown."

"Okay. Yeah maybe he's just a jerk who's used to treating people
like shit," she said slowly, as though thinking this through as she
said it, "maybe he has someone different in each city."

"He's a fucking piece of shit Abby!" I cried.

"I'm sorry Ethan."

"I know."

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"Yeah," I said, wiping my eyes.

"You sure?"

"Yeah," I sniffed a couple of times.

"You know I never liked him," she said.

I laughed, "Sure you didn't."

"You can do a lot better. Trust me."

"I'm just...I liked him so much."

"You've got to stop thinking about him. I know it's hard, but that's
the past."

"I feel so empty," I said.

"I know. It'll take a while," she paused. "You're just grieving for
the relationship. It's not really him...just what you hoped to have.
It'll pass. Try not to think about him, try to think about things you
can do. Have some fun."

"Sure."

"Are you coming back? Is there anything we can do for you?"

"No," I said. I tried to think. I didn't really know what I was going
to do. Would I go sightseeing again tomorrow? I wasn't even sure I
had the energy to go sightseeing today. But I didn't feel like driving
home just yet, either. "I'm gonna stay here for a few days then
come back," I said. "I'm gonna be fine."

"Okay," said Abby. "If there's anything I can do, call me, okay
Ethan?"


After breakfast and a shower I took the bus down to the Mall and
walked around. I didn't really feel like 'doing' anything, so I just
looked around. I went into one of the museums but didn't see
anything that caught my attention.

I hadn't been to Washington in ages. I don't know why. I guess it
just never struck me as a place to go. The last time I had been had
been when I was 15. It was a 'family' vacation; about the last family
vacation we ever did as the following year my sister went off to
collage.

As it was, neither my sister, Annie or I wanted to do the family
vacation thing. We were teenagers and hanging out with the 'rents,
and God-forbid, the six year old brother, was decidedly uncool. And
we had completely different interests too, so we couldn't even
agree on going off and doing something together. So my brother
Simon, Dad and I spent most of the time at the Air & Space Museum
and Zoo, while Annie and Mom did various art museums. I might
have been interested in those too, if I hadn't had to go with my
sister and mother.

Much to my surprise, the Air & Space Museum was fun. Particularly
when seen through the eyes of a six-year old boy. I think it was the
first time Simon and I really ever did something together. Sure we
played together at home, and I took him to the playground, but that
had been kind of like childcare. We'd never gone and done
something together that we both wanted to do. His attention span
had only recently become long enough to sit through a movie. He'd
always been so young it was hard to do things with him.

That trip caused a subtle change in our relationship. We became
more like brothers. Banding together against the evil older sister.
Doing things together.

I really wished Simon was with me now. It would have been fun
to hang out with him at the Air & Space again. I sent him a postcard
with a picture of the Apollo Command Module that I bought at the
gift shop. Simon had sort of out grown spaceships and rockets, but
he'd still get a kick out of it.

I thought about going to an Imax movie, or wandering the exhibit
halls, but I just couldn't get excited about it.

I spent a lot of time thinking about the last few weeks. When I
thought about it, what did I really know about Justin? Should I have
been surprised? We spent...what?...a couple of days in LA, then
nothing for a couple of months and he turns up and we spend that
night at Abby's. Then he splits in the morning and is back in the
afternoon, only to disappear an hour later. Then he shows up a
couple of weeks later for a few hours.

In between time, we had talked on the phone and emailed each
other. I was really starting to think there was a connection there.
Sure, it was fueled by the initial excitement of a new relationship.
But I thought there was something there. I couldn't believe he'd
turn around and do something so...in your face. I mean, he was
begging me to come down. Why'd he do that? Did he not think I'd
notice him and what's-her-name? Was he that callous? Or did he
just assume I'd be okay with it? Maybe he was going to tell me she
was cover. Maybe that's what she was.

But fuck! A cover was a picture in the Enquirer.

He wasn't supposed to be fucking her.

Fucking with me.

The Fuck!

When I got back to the apartment in the afternoon I checked the
messages on the phone. I'd had the phone with me all day, but I
hadn't turned it on. I was worried my Mother would call. Or Justin.
Or Abby would call to see how I was doing, and I just didn't want to
talk to anyone.

There were five messages. I debated listening to them.

I clicked the button and the voice told me the time and I heard
Justin's voice, sounding upset.

"Ethan, it's Justin. Please call me. Look I know..."

I clicked the erase button.

"Ethan, I'm really sorry about..."

I clicked the erase button.

"Ethan. It's Abby, can you call me when you get a chance? Bye."

I clicked the erase button.

"Hi Ethan, it's Mom. Got your message. Glad to hear that Dave is
okay.  Are you okay? Just want to make sure you are all right. Call
me when you get a chance. Bye. I love you."

I clicked the erase button.

"Ethan, this is Rob. Looks like there's some interest in you going
back out to LA after all. I'm just talking to a couple of other people
to try and get everything scheduled in one trip. Is the week of the
5th still okay? I know Linda talked to you about that, but we need
to confirm, so get back to me, or just call Linda and tell her.
Thanks."

I was in no mood to call Rob right now, so I clicked to save that
message. I thought about calling Abby and Mom, but decided I
couldn't face them at the moment either. I turned the phone off
again and decided to take a nap.

Around six Dave came knocking.

"How you doing?" he asked quietly.

"Okay...just taking a nap. I went down to the Mall today and
walked around."

"Great," he said, sitting down on the end of the bed, looking
thoughtful. "Anything you want to talk about?"

"No. Everything's fine Dave. I'm sorry about the leg thing."

"Hey, don't worry about it. I understand."

"Okay."

"Listen," he said, "how about you get up, take a shower and
then we'll have dinner. I have a friend coming over."

"A friend? You want me to go out? I don't want to get in the
way."

"No. No, you won't be in the way. It's casual."

"Okay," I said, and I jumped up. "When's your friend going to be
here?"

Dave looked at his watch, "Shortly," he said.

I sorted through my bag for some clothes and hastily folded up
the bed before going into the bathroom to shower. I felt a lot better
after the shower, and after shaving I went out to see if I could help
Dave get ready.

"So who's this friend?" I asked.

"Oh, just a friend," he replied cryptically, rinsing some lettuce
leaves in the sink.

"Okay. We have to play 20 questions? Is your friend male or
female?"

"You're a jerk!" he laughed.

"And you're avoiding the question!" I laughed back just as the
doorbell rang.

"That must be them," said Dave. "I'll get it. You wait here."

Dave went off and I heard him out in the hallway opening the
door. I couldn't hear much and I went over to the counter and was
working on putting together the salad that Dave had been working
on when he'd been interrupted. I was kind of lost in my thoughts,
perhaps happy to be busy as I was a little nervous, as I always
was, when meeting someone new.


"Ethan?" I heard a soft voice say.

I froze. I knew that voice. I didn't have to turn around to know
who was standing in the kitchen. I looked down at my hands and
saw they were shaking.

----------
Cry Me A River by J.Timberlake/T.Mosley/S.Storch
All lyrics are the property and copyright of their owners

To be continued...