Date: Sat, 09 Feb 2002 19:49:49 -0500
From: Jennifer Lankford <silverwings4ever@hotmail.com>
Subject: And I Swear - Chapter 8

Disclaimer: Here I am again, sitting in front of another black Word
document, waiting for inspiration to come along. Little pictures of
Backstreet Boys dancing in my head. But yet, I don't know them, and I
don't own them. And I don't know anyone they know. This is all fiction
of course. This D-O-E-S-N-O-T deal with the killing/suicide of AJ MCLEAN!
LET'S GET THAT STRAIGHT NOW! Any Backstreet Boys fan knows that AJ's
real name is Alexander James ~underlines James 5 times for Nifty~ McLean.
Yes, it says he killed himself but, he staged it, boo, I told you the
truth, kill me now. But I have to have something to think about before I
go to sleep so, this is real to me, just another world I can get lost in
till it comes to an end. silverwings4ever@hotmail.com if you want to
contact me, http://www.angelfire.com/music2/slipupwizshs/index.html if
you want more stories or pictures of the characters or just about
anything my little mind can come up with.

Chapter 8

I looked Nick over, or what I could see of him from behind the counter.
He looked at the menu, not even noticing that I had called him by name. I
flipped a burger and slapped the counter with a hand, trying to pull off
the fact that I was scared shitless.

"Hey mister, wha'll it be?" I asked. I took down my hair, which I had
pulled back after line dancing. He didn't even look up at me.

"Ribs and baked potato." He said and closed the menu aside. The bar was
crowed, more so then it had been. A big black guy sat at a table not far
from the bar.

I got out the rack of ribs and a potato and began to cook them, taking
two orders off to make room. I looked at Nick out the top of my eye. I
still had a cowboy hat on, and with my hair, I guess he didn't recognize
me, but Tom sure as hell did.

"Hey Nick," Tom said with a smile on his face. Nick turned to Tom and a
smile grew.

"Tom!" What a surprise, what are you doing in Texas, aren't you supposed
to be looking for AJ?" He said and slapped Tom on the back.

"Yeah, well," Tom looked at me and then at Nick. "I'm at a dead end."

Nick laughed and I relaxed tremendously. They talked and I set the plate
down in front of Nick. "There ya go." Nick nodded, without looking at me.

While Nick was looking in the opposite direction, Tom looked at me. He
mouthed something I couldn't understand and then crooked this finger at
me. I leaned closer and he whipsered in my ear. "Can I tell him?"

"Better get it over with now, huh?" I said and tried to ease.

Tom nodded and slapped Nick on the back. His gaze flew back to Tom.

"What if I told you that I had found AJ, Nick? What would you do?"

Nick looked surprised by the question. "I don't know actually, I'd
probably want to know what the hell happened back then, what led him to
what he did, and why." He paused. "Why do you ask."

I looked at Nick as if he was the dumbest thing on the planet. Nick
didn't notice this though.

"Well," Tom said and looked at me again and then back at Nick. "I'd like
to introduce you to someone."

"Okay, who?"

I felt this was my place to jump in. I wiped off my hand and held it out
to him. He looked at me like I was stupid, and I realized this.

"James Scout, I used to go by another name though." I said over the
music. Nick shook my hand and tried to let go but I wouldn't let him.

"Nick Carter." He said. "What name did you used to go by?"

"AJ McLean." I said, plain and simple. Nick's eyes bugged out and took
his hand away.

"Yeah right, whatever. AJ wouldn't be caught dead in a place like this."

"Exactly Nick, AJ wouldn't, but James would." I flipped a burger and Amy
came behind the counter.

"James, you should take a break, you've been back here all night."

"Yeah, well..." I trailed off. Nick was looking at me funny. A sudden
flash of sarcasm went through me and I grabbed Amy's arm. "Where are my
manners?" I gasped. "Amy, this is Nick, my former bandmate."

Amy went white then reached out her hand. "Pleased to meet you Nick,
heard a lot of stuff about you."

Nick looked at Tom. "What kinda bull-shit is this?" He basically
screamed. "This isn't AJ."

Tom looked at me, then Amy, then Nick. "Yeah, actually it is."

Nick looked at me. "Prove it."

I put my splatua down and put both of my hands on the counter. "Ok,
sure." I said calmly. Then I thought about it. "In 2000, when we did the
intro to Show Me The Meaning of Being Lonely for New Years eve, you had
Eric behind the camera, your boyfriend. And you got so high that night
that you raped him in Carson's office and it took months of convincing
to get him to keep it out of the public knowledge." I gave him a smug
grin. "You hit me pretty hard that night, you were so drunk and high, I
asked you what you're mom's name was and you said, `I don't know, you
tell me' and then you went off and passed out, after raping Eric of
course, and they had to pump your stomach because of alchohol poisoning.

Nick's face went white. "How do you know that?"

"Because I was there, I wasn't always drunk you know." I said. "And I
remember one other thing, that no one knows, not even the rest of the
guys." I poked him in the chest. "On your birthday you were screaming my
name so loud, I had to shove a pillow over your face to keep you quiet
while I fucked you."

Tom looked at Nick. "Ouch! That had to hurt." He started laughing. I
looked back at my orders and flipped them again. Nick's face had grown
white, and his back stiff.

"But... but..." Nick trailed off, lost.

"But what Nick?" I challenged. "Eat your food, it's getting cold." I
pushed the plate closer to him. Amy pushed me out from the bar.

"What the hell is that for?" I asked.

"You've been stuck behind this bar way to much, go dance while you can,
I'll handle the bar." Amy said and smiled. Just then Hypnotize the Moon
came on, and Tom tugged at James.

"Please baby?" He asked with a pout on his face.

"I can't resist that pout, okay." I said and mingled with the other
people on the floor. I wrapped my arms around Tom's neck, while he held
his hands at my hips.

"You know what?" He said in my ear.

"What?" I asked.

"I never thought I'd be here, with you, holding you this way." Tom said
softly, kissing my temple.

I grinned and put my face in his neck. "If it makes you feel any better,
neither did I."

The night passed quickly. And Nick sat at the bar the whole time,
watching me, waiting for me to make a mistake.

"Who's your guard?" I asked.

"House." Nick said simply.

"He's still in the business?"

"Yeah, he lost some weight, and gained a reputation." Nick said. I looked
at the clock. It was 11, and the crowd had dimmed to almost nobody. Shane
was at the end of the bar, drunk, as usual and I pulled the bottle from
his hand.

"Hey, I was drinking that James!" Shane shouted at me.

"Come on, lets get you home." I said and put my arm around his waist.


"I don't wanna, momma will be mad." Shane said, slurring his words
together.

"Well then we better get you home so she doesn't get any madder." I
said, as if he was a 5 year old kid.

He pouted, but gave in, and I stumbled with him down the street. Nick had
followed to the door, and watched as I got Shane down the street and to
the beauty shop on the corner. I knocked and the light came on.

"You're early, I didn't expect you until 2." Debbie said, helping me to
get Shane to his room.

"Momma, I sorry I drunk again, I didn't mean to." Shane said, crying
like a little kid.

Debbie's heart broke. "Shane, it's okay, just don't let it happen
again." She said and Shane fell on his bed and passed out.

"James, I really don't know what I would do without you. You keep
bringing him home, when you don't even need to." Debbie said, I hugged
her and smiled.

"Least I can do, you keep me up to date with the real world of fashions."
I grinned and kissed her cheek. "I'll see you tomorrow."

I left and went back to the bar. Tom had cleared out the rest of the
people and had started cleaning up the grill. I pulled my shirt over my
head as soon as I closed the door, and pulled down the blinds on the
windows.

"God Damn it's hot." I announced as if it wasn't painfully obvious.

"Tell me something I don't know." A voice came from the dark.

"Nick, what are you still doing here?" I asked, turning around to the
bar.

"Wanting to talk to you." He said simply.

"Well, you're gonna have to wait, I have to clean up." I said and
started clearing tables. Nick helped me clean up, in silence. An hour
later we were done, and we sat, side by side at the bar, beer in hand.

"It is you." Nick said.

"Yup. Always has been." I said back. "What gave it away?"

"The tattoos, I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen the
tattoos." Nick said and took a sip of his beer.

I nodded. "Ask the question you're dying to know." I said simply.

"Why?"

"Because I couldn't take it anymore. The standards, the rules, or lack
of, the drugs, the alcohol, the... everything. Don't get me wrong, I love
performing, always will, but, my life has to come first. I did everything
for the fans, and I withered away from life because of them. I love the
loyalty they gave us, but I never did anything for myself. The money
could only go so far, you know?" I explained.

Nick nodded, then sighed. "But why not just quit?"

"Because people would always think that I gave up, that I couldn't take
it, that I was a coward, that I wasn't worthy of the spotlight. And
people would always follow me around, they would always be on my back
about everything. So AJ McLean died, and in his place, the man he always
wanted to be, James Scout, came to life." I said. "It wasn't hard. Find
a body, draw some tattoos, write a few letters, get a new ID. Could do it
again if I needed to. The government does it all the time."

Nick nodded again. I watched him carefully.

"You won't tell on me will you, Nick?" I asked.

"No one would believe me if I did, so, no I won't." I nodded and smiled.

"How's life treating everyone? Do you still talk?"

"Yeah, we still talk, it's a little on the harsh grounds most of the
time, but we do talk. Kevin has a baby, and so does Brian. Life's going
good for them. Howie's crazed it seems, so convinced that you weren't
dead. I should have listened to him. And me...." Nick trailed off and
shook his head. "I'm still Nick Carter, the ex-boy band member. Still
touring, still living the life that you hate so much. Nothing's changed
for me, just a little bit more lonely now. Brian and I don't talk much,
but we do get together every once in a while and play some ball. He's
pretending it didn't happen I think. Can't even bring your name up
without him crawling into a hole. He took the news the hardest. Kevin
cried, but got over it. Arranges for us to get together once a year and
talk about life and everything. Howie is running the condo business and
helping Lance Bass on his Free Lance project. I think there is more to it
then that, but he denies it." Nick said.

"How about my family, know anything about them?" I asked.

"As far as I know, they are doing good, living off some money from the
record company. Talk to you mother on occasion. Misses you a lot. You
have a baby brother by the way." Nick took a gulp of his beer.

I let the information sit in and then sat up straight. "A WHAT?" I asked,
practically yelling.

"A little brother, he was born around a year after your death. His name
is Jonathan I believe."

"Wow, didn't know about that." I said. "I'd kept up on almost
everything you said, but not that. Did mom get married or something?" I
asked.

"Yeah, to that guy she was dating when you died."

"Phillip?"

"Yeah, that's him. Nice guy, she deserves him."

"Hmm... that's interesting. I'll have to do some digging on that." I
said and finished off my beer.

"Are you ever going to come back?" Nick asked me.

"When the press get's wind of where I am, yeah, I'll have no choice
because technically I am still under contract. Just because AJ McLean is
dead doesn't mean anything. Then I'm going to stay just long enough to
finish off that contract and then I'll come back here and run my bar. Me
and my bar." I smiled.

"Must have it all planned out." Nick said.

"Yup, have for a while now." I nodded and looked into the mirror across
from the bar. "You really didn't recognize me when you came in?"

"HELL NO, god, I thought you were playing a really mean joke on me, I
mean, you're dead, and you would never, or at least I thought, end up
looking like this." Nick made his point.

"I agree, I just needed something different."

"You hide it well." Nick said, he paused. "When did you determine you
were gay?"

"A little while after `dying.'" I said. "It's hard to ignore hot
ranchers like Adam Davis. I would love to have my way with him, but he's
married."

"Married?" Nick asked. "He's straight?"

"Nope, he's gay, married to William. For around 3 years now I believe."
I said.

"Hmm... I didn't think gay marriages were allowed in Texas."

"In this town they are. It's a really easy going town, everyone here
knows that I'm gay, and has no problem with it." I said. "I love it, I
don't have to hide anything from this town, they know everything that I
want them to know. They don't know that I was a Backstreet Boy though,
or that I was filthy rich, and hot at one point."

"You're still hot AJ, believe me, you are." Nick said and smiled.

"Thanks Nick." I walked behind the bar and grabbed the juke box remote. I
turned it on to Show Me The Meaning Of Being Lonely.

Nick raised his eyebrows, immediately recognizing the song.

"I had all of our stuff programmed into the joke box, along with your
stuff." I said and smiled. "I still dance every now and then. Just to see
if I remember it."

"And do you?" Nick asked me.

"Mostly." I said and shrugged.


Nick looked at the clock on the wall. "I outta get back to the hotel.
It's getting late, and I have to leave in the morning for Dallas." Nick
said and stood.

"It was good to see you Nick, I'm glad you found me." I said and pulled
Nick into a hug. "Keep in touch now, alright?" I said and pulled out of
the hug. I gave me my email address and phone number. He brushed the hair
out of my face and smiled. "I'll be seeing you around."

And with that.... he was gone.

Author Notes:
Thanks for the response I've recieved. I hope to recieve more -- good,
bad, or otherwise. Check out both my sites
http://www.angelfire.com/music2/slipupwizshs/index.html
http://www.geocities.com/ms_sleepalot/front.html

Or Email:
silverwings4ever@hotmail.com

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