Date: Wed, 25 Apr 2001 16:12:21 -0400 (EDT) From: Nike <writer_nike@myplace.com> Subject: Backstreets: Revelations and Insights 4 http://www.myplace.com/ - find what you want @MyPlace.com!Disclaimer: The following is entirely a work of fiction. All characters featured in this story are fictional and are not intended to resemble real persons, hence; it is not intended to imply anything about the true sexuality of any celebrity might mentioned. The views and opinions mentioned in the text may not represent those of the author. Certain facts stated in this story as true, may have been altered or added for entertainment purposes and may not be real. Some elements included in this fiction may not be suitable for all people, if you're uncertain - please, do not continue. Please turn to the author's Letter of Recognition for more info. Available at the 'Backstreets' website. Website: http://www.geocities.com/writer_nike Author's notes: ********************************************************************** ********************************************************************** Two important notes: 1. I've got a new e-mail address! writer_nike@yahoo.com. My other mail address had it's inbox deleted. If I haven't answered your mail, please send it again!!! 2. In previous parts of Revelations and Insights there has been talks about a wedding that Brian and Leighanne would attend to. They would attend it as guest, they're already married. I was a bit unclear on that topic. Thanks to Sophie V for pointing this out to me. ********************************************************************** ********************************************************************** I knew there was something I've forgotten and I know now what it was. I hadn't posted part 4 of Revelations and Insights! Well, now I have. And with part 4 we're more than halfway finished. Make sure you don't miss part 5, 'Two become one'. That's about it. As always, let me know what you thought about it, `K? *Puts Kit back from hold.* Hiya! Listen, you gotta wait a few more moments, 'K? Busy, busy, busy! *Kit is put on hold, once again. But hey, it's Answer To Our Life playing!* ;-) And to answer your question: Nick. That's the only hint you'll get! :-) Thank you for taking the time to read Revelations and Insights! /Nike writer_nike@yahoo.com - I'm always there, ready to listen! ******* Backstreets - season 1: Revelations and Insights Written by: Nike ******* "Sometimes, letting go is all we have left." - Unknown _________ Part 4 - A safe haven _________ Jim closed the door behind Brian, he didn't want to intrude so he decided to leave. Jim stood in the hallway, thinking about what he'd do next. Kevin was of course still a problem, although with Brian being here, it was no longer a major issue. Unless, of course, Brian's visit had made Nick crack again. Jim seriously doubted this though, but his military experience told him to prepare for the unexpected. It's probably for the best if he'd go down to the lobby and await Kevin's arrival. Not that he knew what he'd do when Kevin comes. Jim moved over to the elevators, exchanging a few words with the guard sitting there while he waited for the lift to arrive. *** Nick was sleeping heavily now, Brian noticed. He looked at his wrist watch. It was still on ET, so it did no good. He had to turn his head so he could see the alarm clock. It was still in the afternoon. Brian wanted to remain in bed, it had been a while since him and Nick had been so close. The last time was when he and Nick had watched a scary movie together, Nick hadn't been able to sleep afterwards so Brian had held him throughout the night. Brian smiled at the memory. He had so many fun memories with Nick and himself, he sure missed those days. But now he really had to get out of the bed, he needed to talk to Jim. Brian picked up the phone. *** "Hello." The portier on duty answered the phone. "Hi. This is Brian Littrell from room 912. Could you please connect me to Mr Jim Foley of Jive?" The portier, who was the same that had helped Nick find Jim yesterday, was wise from his earlier mistake and checked the lobby before answering. "Yes, Mr Foley is sitting in the lobby. If you would please hold, and I'll notify him?" "No problem." Brian was speaking quietly and kept glancing at Nick. He didn't want to wake him just yet. The portier put him on hold and then went over to the lobby. "Excuse me, sir?" The portier treated Jim with respect. He was obviously well connected. Jim looked up from his news paper, "You again?" he questioned. The man smiled, "I'm afraid so. There is a phone call from a Mr Littrell waiting. You may take the call in booth five, if there isn't any problems?" "No, no problem at all." Jim got out of the chair and headed off to the booth he'd been directed to. Jim lifted the phone, "Yeah?" "Hi. It's Brian." "Hey! So how's it going?" "Not too well, I'm afraid. Nick broke down just after you had left. But he's sleeping now." 'Damn!' Jim cursed to himself. "Then we have to do something about Kevin." Jim replied. "I guess so, but it shouldn't be too much of a problem. I think I can take care of it. Just let me know when he's on his way up, 'K?" "No problem, I'll stay down here." "What I'm worried about though is Nick. What has happened? I've never seen him like this before. Something has got to have happened...". Brian silenced quickly when Nick stirred slightly in the bed. He hold his breath for what seemed as an eternity before Brian dared to breathe again. "Hello?" Jim was troubled by Brian's disappearance. "I'm here, it's OK. But what has happened?" "Well," Jim didn't know where to begin, what to say and how to say it, "it begun a long time ago. I've seen Nick being depressed from time to time for several years. Of course nothing such as what has happened now." What Jim said next was a lie, he did know. "I'm not sure what triggered it, I found him crying in his room after we got back from the airport." Jim was praying to God, that Brian would be able to put the pieces together. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case. "For several years?" Brian was shocked, "I haven't noticed anything!" Jim sighed deeply inside, he wanted so badly to tell. But he couldn't. "That's because Nick never showed anything when you were around. Often he didn't show anything to the other guys either. I picked up on it since I spend some time with him when you guys aren't along. He's pretty good at hiding it though. I can't blame you for not knowing." "Oh my God." Brian took a deep breath. Had Nick been feeling so miserable for all these years and Brian had never noticed anything. "How could I have been so self-absorbed that I didn't see it coming?". Despair filled Brian. Jim was calm, "It is because Nick never showed you anything, he never gave you any hints. I think he was too ashamed to say anything." Jim silenced for a few seconds and then continued, "The only reason I know about this is cos I'm a bodyguard, people tend to forget about us being there. They think no one is watching and they show their real selves. I seriously doubt Nick knowing or even suspecting that I've known anything about this." "Wait a minute! You're saying you've known about this for several years? Why haven't you said or done anything?". Brian couldn't believe his ears, how could Jim just ignore this? "Because I'm a bodyguard. We see and hear things we're not really supposed to hear. It's hard to know but not being able to do anything about it. But if the person I work with don't do anything, then I don't have the right to make the decision for that person." Jim continued, this was something which he had pondered over a lot the last couple of years. He was certain he had made the right choice. "It is enough of an invasion of another person's privacy just having a bodyguard around, this is the only way to leave some dignity untouched. We're meant to save his life, not lead it for him." Brian thought about this for a while. "You're right. I'm sorry, it's not fair to take out my anger with myself on you, Jim. You're not the one to blame. I am." Jim sighed heavily, he didn't want to have this conversation. He just wanted to tell Brian what he knew. But he couldn't. "No one is to blame, Brian. We all have choices to make and Nick has made his choices, all we can do is support him, being there for him. Letting him know that we care, no matter what." Jim was desperately thinking of a subtle way to point Brian in the right direction. "Talk to him, ask him why. Tell him that you'll always be there, no matter what.". There was silence for a few moments, then Brian spoke. "I guess you're right. I'll see if I can get him to talk to me. I don't think it'll be too easy." Brian looked over at Nick, "I think he's starting to wake up, I better be there. Call me when Kevin's on his way." "Sure, I'll talk to you later." "See ya." Brian tiptoed over to the bed, careful not to make any noise. He climbed into the bed and began coaxing himself in position again with Nick in his arms. *** When Nick finally awoke again, he opened his eyes and found himself looking directly into Brian's deep blue eyes. He felt himself getting lost in them, when Brian opened his mouth. "I love you, Nick." Nick's heart stopped beating. For how long hadn't he dreamt of hearing those words. "But how?" was all he managed to get out. "Don't worry about that. It's now and here that is important. Just relax and let your feelings guide you." Brian answered seductively. Nick was confused, but he didn't let it stop him. He carefully moved his body so he sat face to face with Brian. Nick looked in to his eyes and, after what seemed as ages, spoke quietly. "I love you too." Nick moved in closer. Their lips were now seperated only by a few inches, Nick could feel Brian breathing, the warm and quick strokes flowed against Nick's face. Nick undecisively bit his lower lip, uncertain of how to proceed, and then leaned in to kiss Brian. Their lips touched. It was a light kiss, almost not even touching. But the kiss was electrical. Nick released the kiss after a few seconds, he moved carefully, he didn't want to ruin the moment. Nick sat there, studying Brian's face. He had seen it so often, but to Nick it was as if he'd seen it for the first time. It was the most beatiful thing he had ever seen. Nick leaned in for another kiss, but this time he stopped less than an inch away. Nick let his tounge slowly trace the contours of Brian's half-parted lips. He began slowly but soon increased the pace, getting bolder in his quest for exploration. More confident, Nick let his tounge slip between Brian's lips, beginning to lick and explore the inside of Brian's upper lip. It all went slowly, not as Nick had pictured it at all. But it was so beatiful, so sensual. He didn't want to move any quicker, Nick wanted to carefully explore every part of Brian. To do what he had not been allowed to do before. Nick playfully gripped Brian's lip with his teeth, urging him to come out to play. Brian parted his mouth and let his tounge stray. Nick moved his tounge so it made contact with Brian's. He moved it around, touching, feeling. They started tounge wrestle lightly. Nick couldn't wait any longer, he let his tounge press on forward, passing into Brian's mouth. Their lips touched. Nick roamed Brian's mouth with his tounge, making sure not to miss a spot. After several minutes had passed, they broke the kiss. Nick wanted to continue his quest. He had waited for so long now. He began moving his mouth slowly towards Brian's right ear, following with his tounge lightly touching the face of Brian. Nick closed his eyes and traced the contours of the face, making up a private map in his mind. *** Jim had been sitting down in the lobby now for several hours. He had remembered to bring his laptop with him, so he had been able to get ahead on some things craving his attention. He had just gotten a sip of his fifth cup of coffee when Kevin barged in through the hotel entrance. Jim immediately stood up, suprised by Kevin's rush, making him spill his coffee all over his computer. "Fuck!", no time to deal with that now, he'd take care of that later. Now he had to slow Kevin down. "Kevin!" Jim called out for the furious man heading to the elevators. Kevin quickly turned around when he heard his name being called. His eyes blackened when he saw who had called for him. 'Nick's little pathetical excuse for a bodyguard.' Kevin continued on to the elevator, making Jim run to catch up with him. "Wait up!" Jim desperately tried to make Kevin wait. "Yes?" Kevin replied coldly, his eyes drilling holes through the bodyguard. "Well," Jim had to say something, "I know, it seems as if we got off on the wrong foot today. But I'm telling you, Nick's fine. In fact, Brian's up there with him now. So if you'd like, you could see Nick when Brian's finished?" Jim was grasping after minutes. "Oh, good. Brian's there." Kevin pretended as if he hadn't heard the last sentence. "Then I guess I'll go up and say hi." The elevator doors opened as he said so and Kevin stepped in. "Kevin, I'm begging you. Please don't go up there now!" Jim pleaded. "Why shouldn't I?" Kevin asked plainly. "I can't say." Jim was devastated. "I thought so." said Kevin and pressed the floor button. Jim stood there, watching the doors close. Then he remembered, 'Damn, I gotta call Brian!' He rushed over to the phone booths and quickly dialed the room. He let the phone ring several times, "Come on, pick up already!" Kevin would get there soon. *** Suddenly Nick heard the sound of a phone ringing in the background and someone distantly calling his name. Nick was confused, he didn't want to stop. But the voice persisted, it grew in strength. Someone began shaking him, involuntarily making Nick stop with what he was doing. He opened his eyes to find out it was Brian shaking him. "Come on, Nick. We better get up." Brian said. It had all been a dream. Brian hurried off out of the bed and grabbed the phone. "Hello?" "Brian, listen, Kevin's on his way up, I couldn't stop him!" Jim rushed the words, "I tried, but I couldn't." "OK, calm down, Jim. No harm done, I'll take care of it." Brian reassured Jim and then hung up. "I'll just gotta go out and talk to Kevin, 'K, Nick?" Brian was halfway out of the room before he got a muffled reply. "Yeah." Nick layed there in bed, he couldn't believe it had all been a dream, it had been so real. Although, wonderful as it had been, it had made him even more persistent in not telling Brian how he felt. What he had with Brian was too precious to even risk destroying it. And besides, being friend with Brian isn't the crappiest deal he could have been dealt, Nick thought. He knew he was lying to himself though, he would never get over the fact he couldn't be with Brian. Perhaps he could accept it, but never get over it. Nothing had happened. Brian hadn't said he loved him. Nick got up out of the bed, walking to the window. He had to be strong, he didn't want anything more to happen. He just wanted it to be like old times, he and Brian messing around, playing Nintendo for hours, watching movies. But not any longer, not since Leighanne. Nick's feelings for Brian's wife was mixed, he liked her. In fact, he'd never met anyone with such warmth and compassion. There really wasn't anything you couldn't hate about Leighanne, and yet he did. Nick both loved and hated Leighanne at the same time. 'Well, as long as she doesn't come with us on tours, I guess it's OK. But if she does, I'll jump off a building or something.' Nick thought sarcastically. When Nick turned around he spotted the plastic bag Brian had left in the middle of the room. Nick checked the bag and found a box wrapped in paper, 'I wonder what it could be?'. *** A few minutes after Kevin's arrival, AJ and Howie walked in. AJ looked suprised at seeing Jim there. "You're still alive, dude?!" said AJ as he approached Jim. "I was certain he'd shoot you or something!" AJ joked, but he stopped smiling when he saw the look on Jim's face. He immediately got serious, "What has happened?" Jim rubbed his hands against his head, "Kevin's up there. I couldn't stop him." "What? Why should you have stopped him?" AJ was at a loss. "I can't say, I've promised Nick. All I can say is that Nick didn't want anyone but Brian to go up there. Hopefully Brian will be able to handle Kevin." "That sounds really weird." AJ didn't have a clue of what Jim talked about. Jim thought a while about what he could say, "I guess it's no secret that Nick has acted strange over the last couple of days." Jim stopped, uncertain of what to say next. He felt himself getting more and more cryptical for every word he spoke, "Please, just accept the fact that Nick has been feeling ill and nothing more has happened, 'K? If Nick feels he wants you to know anything more, then he'll tell you. Don't pressure him about it." Jim prayed AJ would accept this and let it rest for the time be. To his relief, AJ agreed. "Sure thing, whatever you say. Hey, you look like you could use a drink. Care to join me in the bar?" AJ invited him as he got up to leave. "You wanna come too, Howard?" asked AJ. "Nah, I think I'll pass. I'll see ya guys later." Howie walked off to the elevators. "Let's go then, shall we?" AJ pushed Jim in front of him. *** "I'm telling you Kevin, Nick is OK. He just wants his privacy now." Brian had been talking to Kevin now for several minutes and Kevin finally caved in. "OK. I trust you. But you've gotta promise me you'll let me know if anything happens! Whatever that is?" "Sure." Brian had no intentions of telling Kevin, "I better get back now. I'll talk to you later." "Yeah, bye." Kevin wasn't pleased with the chain of events, but he had to trust Brian to do the right thing. If he said it was for the best, then Kevin had to accept that. When Brian got back in the room, he found Nick standing by the bag he had brought with him. "Curious?" Brian smiled, he couldn't wait to give Nick the gift he had bought. Nick looked up at him, smiling lightly, "Yeah. What is it?" "It's for you. Go ahead, open it!" Brian couldn't wait to see Nick's reaction. "Cool!" Nick sat down on the floor, next to the package, with his legs crossed. Brian joined him on the other side. Nick trashed the paper, eager to see what it hid. Brian watched it all, he got more and more satisfied with every second passing. "Wow! A Sega Dreamcast! That's so cool. I've been wanting to get one of these for ages! Thank you, Brian!". Nick forgot all about what had happened earlier and embraced Brian in a huge hug. "You do know, that you'll have to play now, don't you?" Nick looked at Brian, he was kinda satisfied with just being friends with Brian. Having Brian around was all that really mattered. Brian laughed, his old Nick was back. "Sure! I'd love to kick your bony little ass!". Brian sat there, joyfully observing Nick when he was winning. 'God, there's no one in the whole world which is more grateful to be with, than Nick.' Brian was so happy to see Nick full of life once again. *** Brian and Nick played long into the night, when Brian's jet lag kicked in. Brian started yawning more and more. "Do you want to go to bed?" Nick finally asked after another of Brian's yawns. "Yeah, I think so. You wanna come to?" asked Brian. Nick shone up like a candle, "Yes!" he couldn't hide his excitement. Nick had been wondering where he'd or more where Brian would be sleeping this night. Brian offering to share was the best case scenario for Nick. "OK, come on." Brian switched off the Dreamcast and got up. "Which side do you want?" "The left one, of course!" Nick was offended, until he saw the smile on Brian's face. He'd just been teasing with him. "Really funny." Nick continued. Nick had stripped down and was on his way into bed when it was Brian's turn to use the bathroom. While Nick had been in the bathroom, Brian had already stripped all his clothes, the only clothing remaining was his white boxers. "I'll be right back." Brian told Nick when he closed the door. "OK." answered Nick as he slid under the sheets. The sheets was monsterous in size, Nick wondered how many geese were in there. About five minutes later Brian appeared again. Nick layed there in bed, watching him as Brian was going through a drawer in search of something. 'He's so beatiful.' Nick thought. The sparse light shone upon Brian, defining his muscles. Nick moved his eyes lower, he began to feel a stirr in his groin. He was getting hard! Nick started panicking and thinking about other things. But it didn't help, quite the contrary. He soon stood at full attention. What was he going to do? His heart was racing, 'At least there's no chance what so ever that the sheet would reveal anything.' Nick thought. Brian turned around, and Nick felt himself getting even harder. If that was possible. "Found it!" Brian exclaimed. "I couldn't find my toothbrush anywhere!". Brian said as he began walking back to the bathroom. Suddenly he stopped, "Are you OK, Nick? You haven't said a word and you look really shocked?" Brian questioned. Nick felt his face going red, "No," Nick swallowed, "I'm fine, thanks." He was so embarressed. "Are you sure?" Brian didn't want to do the same mistakes as he had done earlier. Nick was getting uncomfortable, "Yeah, I'm fine. I was just thinking about something funny." "Oh. You gotta remember to tell me about it when I get back, I want to hear it too!" Brian hurried off into the bathroom. Nick relaxed some, 'Thank God!'. Brian wouldn't be back for at least a couple of minutes, giving Nick some time to return to normal state. The door opened again. "Well, then I'm done!" said Brian. "So, what was it that was so fun?" Brian asked Nick as he got under the sheet. "Err, I really don't remember." Nick's face turned red again. "Uh huh?" Brian didn't believe him for one second, but let it got. Nick and Brian laid there talking for almost half an hour, before Brian felt his eyes closing. "I think I'll go to sleep now, Nick. Good night." "Good night." Nick laid there in the dark, looking up in the ceiling. He was thinking about what had happened over the last couple of days. Nick felt the agonising pain in his stomach returning, he was getting uncomfortable, unsecure. After a few minutes, Nick spoke. "Brian?" "Yeah." Brian had almost fallen asleep. "Could you please hold me?" begged Nick. He was feeling alone. "Sure, come here." Brian rolled to his back, allowing Nick to rest his head on Brian's chest. Nick laid with his head on Brian's chest. Brian was holding him tightly, making Nick feel safe. He could hear Brian's heart beating as he laid there. He could lay there forever, lost in the arms of the person he loved. A safe haven. ******** To be continued ______________________________________________________________________________________ How do you feel about this story? Let me know; your views and opinions are important! Please remember to visit the 'Backstreets' website. Previews of future chapters, character infos, story recommendations and more available. As always, this chapter was available at the 'Backstreets' website, ahead of everywhere else! Wanna know when the next chapter will be available? Visit the site. ______________________________________________________________________________________ Comments and feedback: writer_nike@myplace.com (Please put Revelations and Insights, or R&I, in the subject line. Thank you.) Website: www.geocities.com/writer_nike ********