Date: Tue, 18 Sep 2001 19:43:51 -0500
From: thumper1561@hotmail.com
Subject: ...Being Lonely Chapter Three (Gay) (AJ/Kevin)

Hi Everyone! This is my second attempt at a story. If you enjoy it, my
other story is called 'Whispering Your Name'. It is a *NSYNC tale. I hope
you enjoy both.

Please send me an email and let me know what you
think. Email at thumper1561@hotmail.com.

Thanks for your feedback regarding this story, as a result, I've tried to
broaden the story beyond AJ/Kevin to include the rest of Backstreet.

Legal Stuff
This story is fiction and is not intended to imply anything about the true
sexuality of the celebrities mentioned or any personal knowledge about
their private lives.

I do not know the true sexuality of any of the Backstreet Boys or any other
celebrities mentioned in this story. If you are offended by homosexual
material, then, this story isn't for you. And what in the world are you
doing here in the first place!!!!!!!


Chapter 3
by Thumper

...Being Lonely

        For Alex, completing the second week of rehab was made immeasurably
easier by the presence of Richard. His worked out body and unselfconscious
sexuality kept Alex in a perpetual state of arousal. He hadn't been this
attracted to a man in years.  It was more than just physical, Richard was
helping him open up. As Richard confessed the problems that led him into
rehab, Alex eagerly shared more of his own experiences.  Doctor Goldman
noticed the change, but there was still one area that Alex refused to
discuss, the only area where AJ still predominated, his relationship with
Kevin and the guys in the group.  AJ's mother Denise showed up for family
therapy in the second week. It was a two-day session of two hours a day. It
wasn't intended to be a in-depth resolution to family problems, but more of
a 'get acquainted' session to develop areas that needed to be explored.
Alex had a difficult time speaking openly to his mother. He loved her and
wanted to protect her.  He knew she had had a tough life and he never
wanted to make it worse.  Still, there were deep resentments that had been
papered over. Alex had been helping support his family since he was six. He
had been physically abused by one of her boyfriends.  Her attention had
seemed to be on anyone but him until Backstreet came along. Alex was never
able in treatment to get through the barriers and speak honestly to his
mother, but the sessions provided him a springboard to discuss those
problems with Doctor Goldman. He even talked about them with Richard, who
had family problems of his own. For Alex, the Southern California sunshine
and the peaceful life of no phones, no appearances, no demands, was working
a magic of its' own. He looked better, felt better, than he had in a long
time.  He was embarrassed by the remnants of AJ that weren't easily
removed, such as the tattoos, but he felt he was making progress every
day. 'Maybe I will even be able to deal with Kevin at some point', he
thought.

        Kevin had driven to the desert after his last visit with Doctor
Goldman. He had left a message for Kristin that he was taking some 'alone'
time. He felt guilty over not telling her the truth, but it was only one of
so many things he was feeling guilty over that it bothered him less than it
might have at another time. He had discovered the desert once when they had
a four-day layover in Los Angeles. He and Alex had gotten a room at a quiet
hotel near the Springs. It had been wonderful. They had rested and relaxed.
The cool nights had been time for non-stop love-making. It was romantic and
a memory that Kevin treasured. One he had held onto long after his
relationship with AJ had disintegrated into fighting and mutual
recriminations. He found a guesthouse and checked in under a false name,
but the desert couldn't work its' magic alone. The desert winds left him
itching and restless. During the day he swam and worked out in the small
gym. He hoped that physical exhaustion would help him to sleep but his
dreams kept him from peaceful rest. They centered on the days when he and
Alex had just been starting out. Anything had seemed possible when they
were still climbing to the top of the mountain, but the view from the top
had never lived up to the dream. He wondered if it was because the dream
had been for he and Alex to take in the view together. Doctor Goldman had
told him to think about the future but he found it impossible. The present
was almost more than he could handle already. He left messages for Kristin
when he was relatively sure she wouldn't be home. He checked in on AJ at
the rehab center daily. His alternatives seemed bleak, any way he turned,
any decisions he made were bound to hurt someone.

        Brian's trip to LA had been fruitless so far. Doctor Goldman had
been very polite but had given him no information regarding AJ or Kevin. He
had checked discreetly at their favorite hotels for any of Kevin's aliases
but had come up blank. Nick had flatly refused to help and Howie had been
indifferent, prefering to indulge in his own pleasures during this
unexpected break. Brian was frustrated and a frustrated Brian had never
been an attractive sight. The five "Boys" had agreed in the beginning not
to involve outsiders in their internal problems and they had by and large
lived up to that promise.  Brian justified his decision to call management
for help in locating Kevin as not a breach of that promise since he
wouldn't give them specifics. He had run out of options.

        Nick had been furious at Brian's call. He had been boiling under
the surface for some time now. He once had been "the baby", "the cute
one". Everyone, except Kevin, had indulged him and petted him and made him
feel special. Now his fucking baby brother, Aaron, was everywhere. An even
younger, cuter, and pissing him off the most, thinner version of himself.
He was only 21 for Chrissakes! Nick had always wanted to grow up and be
free to do the things the other guys in the band did, now he was and it
wasn't as fun as he had thought. As a result his public face had begun to
slip occasionally. He acted out in ways to get attention from them. His
outrageous affair with that blonde slut hadn't even succeeded at that. AJ
was drunk or high the whole time, Kevin had walled himself from feeling
anything, Howie was just incapable of feeling anything, and Brian, well
Brian hurt him the most of all. Nick couldn't remember exactly when he and
Brian had first "fooled around". They had always roomed together and
usually shared the same bed.  Nick had frequently been scared of the travel
and demands of the group, hiding his fears under a boisterous front that
exasperated the others. But Brian had understood. They had begun by playing
with each other's hard-ons and jacking each other off until graduating to
mutual sucking. Nick had wanted Brian to fuck him but he had always
refused. Then Brian had gotten serious about Leighanne and the fun and
games stopped. Forced to share a room, and not his bed, with Brian had been
torture. As soon as the money started rolling in, Nick insisted on separate
rooms.  He had tried to seduce Kevin, but he was 'straight' and he had
resisted.  Howie, the slut, had been more than willing to let young Nick
suck his cock off but Nick soon discovered that Howie was willing to let
anyone get him off, male or female. By this time, AJ's behavior was so
wild, even Nick was a little frightened of getting too close. So, he had
tried females. He had found them to be an acceptable alternative to a guy
except for the fact that they didn't have cocks. Now AJ was in rehab, Brian
and Kevin were married, Howie was...well...Howie, and he was alone and
pissed. Brian calling him looking for Kevin was the last straw. Brian never
called anymore since he had gotten married. He couldn't even be bothered to
ask about Nick, just had he heard from Kevin. 'Why the fuck would Brian
care where Kevin was anyway?' Then a wild idea sprang up in Nick's mind.
'What if Kevin and Brian were doing each other?', he thought. It would make
sense. They both were married so it was safe. He knew Brian needed to suck
dick, he was too hungry for it to go without and he certainly wasn't doing
Nick. As he obsessed on the thought, he became convinced he had discovered
the secret. It made Nick even angrier and he vowed to get even somehow. He
booked the first flight he could find to the coast. He was going to track
those bastards down.

        Alex relaxed as Richard gave him a back rub. "Oh, you're great at
this."
        "Thanks."
        Alex shifted his ass a little to try to get more contact with
Richard's body.
        "You okay?"
        "Sure, don't stop.", Alex answered. He tried moving again. Either
Richard was completely straight, which he didn't believe, completely dense,
which he knew wasn't true, or else completely not turned on by Alex, which
he refused to believe.  How could he not pick up the signals?
        "All done.", Richard finished with a slap on Alex's ass. Alex
waited for more but it wasn't coming as Richard stood up.
        "Shit.", Alex muttered.
        "Huh?"
        "Oh, nothing." Alex rolled over, his cock forming an obvious tent
out of his blue silk boxers. Subtlety had gotten him nowhere.
        Richard noticed the reaction he had gotten. He wasn't stupid but he
was intimidated.  Other patients had finally filled him in on who Alex
really was. A couple were clearly jealous of Richard's closeness to the
star. He had bought one Backstreet album but the guy in bed didn't resemble
the picture he remembered.
        "See anything you like?, asked AJ.
        Richard blushed.
        "That's cute.", remarked AJ.
        "Look Alex,"
        "Call me AJ."
        Richard looked a bit confused. "Okay, AJ. I like you, but...I
mean...are you...?"
        "Am I...?"
        Richard steeled himself. "Are you gay?"
        AJ grinned. "As a goose, stud."
        "Not to go Mrs. Robinson on you but 'are you trying to seduce me?'"
        "Do you want me to seduce you?"
        "Look Alex/AJ whoever, you really turn me on, but..."
        "The only butts allowed here are yours and mine and I'd love you to
get inside mine."
        Richard's eyes widened, Alex never talked like this! "But, it's
against the rules here. No sex between patients."
        "Rules were made to be broken, baby." AJ propped himself up on his
elbow and began fingering Richard's jeans. "Let Mommy make it better." He
began mouthing the denim fabric, feeling Richard's hard cock underneath.
        "I gotta go." Richard ran from the room.
        AJ threw himself on the bed, 'Damn, that was a big dick under there
and I'm going to get it. One way or another.'

        Brian was standing in the lobby waiting for a Jive rep to deliver a
package when Nick strode into the room. "What are you doing here?"
        "I came to help.", Nick smiled at Brian's surprise. "You seemed
worried about Kevin."
        "A little.", Brian was suspicious of Nick's motives. "He and
Kristin are having some problems and she asked me to talk to him."
        Nick was slightly taken aback. He hadn't expected that response. He
was still wrapped up in his obsession. "Maybe I can help."
        Brian was openly skeptical, "Why would you want to help? You
haven't been interested in anyone but yourself for a long time now."
        Nick was stung by the accusation. "I care about other people."
        Brian shook his head. "Only when something is is in it for you."
        "What could possibly be in this for me?"
        "I'm not sure."
        "Look, I'm checking in and then I'm sticking to you like glue. I
want to know what is going on."
        Brian sighed and thought, 'Maybe he can help in some way. Anyway, I
don't have much choice.' Aloud he said, "If you really want to help, meet
me down here in forty-five minutes. I'm driving to the desert. Kevin's
staying at a small hotel out there."
        Nick hastened off to check in.
        The Jive rep hurried in breathlessly. "Here's what you asked for,
Mr. Littrell.  A rental car is waiting outside, and here is a map with the
address of the hotel where Mr. Richardson is staying. Can I do anything
else?"
        "No, this is fine."
        Nick saw Brian talking to a stranger and strolled back over.
"Hello."
        "Oh, hello, Mr. Carter. I didn't realize you were here as well."
        "I am."
        "Yes, I can see."
        Brian introduced Nick to the rep and explained what he had brought.
"Is it a convertible?"
        "I'm sorry?"
        "The rental car, is it a convertible?"
        "Uh, no, Mr. Littrell didn't specify..."
        "We want a convertible.", Nick stood with arms folded.
        Brian gave in. "Could we get a convertible, quickly?"
        "I'm sure. Of course...so sorry."
        "No problem.", Brian flashed a smile. "Just quickly."
        The rep hurried off and Brian turned to face Nick. When he saw the
look on his face, he dropped it. 'I always give in to him.', he
thought. 'That's always been my weakness.'
        Nick knew Brian was annoyed and waited for some reaction. Instead,
all he got was a tired smile and a pat on the back. "Finish checking in and
meet me back here."  Nick stomped off to the elevator.
        An hour later the twosome were ensconced in a cherry-red
convertible, heading out of Beverly Hills toward the desert. Brian cranked
up the radio after letting Nick pick the station to discourage
conversation. He couldn't help looking over at his bandmate. Nick had
filled out from the young boy he had known, but Brian still found him
attractive. Nick was aware of Brian's sneaking glances but chose to
disregard them.  This trip was not turning out the way he had envisaged. It
was too late to turn back now though. The road flew beneath the tires as
they headed westward.

        Kevin was swimming in the pool when Brian and Nick arrived at what
looked more like a guesthouse than a hotel, despite the name. They watched
him slice through the water with perfect even strokes. Finally he rested
against the side and Brian called out his name. Kevin visibly tightened at
Brian's voice, but hoisted himself out of the water.  His smooth, gymmed
body, was lightly tanned from his daily swims and his tight Speedos
revealed the size and girth of his substantial penis. Nick could feel his
crotch tenting out as Kevin approached them. "What are you two doing
here?", he scowled.
        "We want to talk to you.", Brian appeared reasonableness itself.
"We've been worried about you."
        "We...?", Kevin looked pointedly at Nick who had the grace to
blush.
        "Yes.", Brian rushed on. No use in trying to justify Nick's
presence. Kevin would never believe it anyway. "Can we go someplace private
and talk?"
        Kevin shrugged and led them to his room overlooking the pool. "Want
anything?"
        Nick looked at Kevin's Speedos, "Water would be good.", he managed.
        Brian shook his head. "Nothing for me, thanks."
        Kevin tossed a water to Nick and opened one for himself. He went
into the bathroom to remove his swinmsuit. "So why are you really here?"
        Brian and Nick sat down on the comfortable sofa. "We're here to
talk to you about your marriage."
        Nick's eyebrows raised but Brian ignored him. "We want you to be
happy, Kevin.  Kristin is very worried. She's only had a couple of calls
from you."
        "Did she send you here?"
        Brian squirmed, "Not exactly, but she did ask for help. Kevin, what
are you doing here?"
        "I'm thinking."
        "About...?"
        Kevin returned and sat down across from them on the bed wearing
blue jeans with his black shirt unbuttoned. "About my life and the
ridiculous mess that it is in."
        Nick straightened up. Kevin never admitted to anything less than
certainty. This was a new development.
        "You're life isn't a mess Kevin. And it won't be unless you make it
one."
        "Always have all the answers don't you Brian?"
        "No, I don't. This book does." Brian held up a Bible.
        'Where the hell did that come from?', Nick wondered silently.
        "Get out.", Kevin stood and pointed to the door.
        "No. Look Kevin, people make mistakes. We all do. Even I have.",
Brian glanced uncomfortably at Nick. "But what matters is recovering from
our mistakes.  Kristin loves you and wants you. You love her. You married
her. Leave this behind."
        Nick looked at Brian, confused. "Leave what behind? Is Kevin having
an affair?"
        "I don't know.", answered Brian calmly. "Are you, Kevin?"
        "I don't owe either of you any explanations, but no, I'm not having
an affair." He sat down and pulled on his white socks and black cowboy
boots.
        "So why are you here?" Nick leaned forward. Suddenly he really
wanted to know.
        Kevin looked into Nick's eyes. "I'm here for AJ."
        "AJ? Why?"
        "Because he is...was...is a very important person to me, to all of
us."
        "Okay.", Nick turned to Brian. "Why do you care if he sees AJ?"
        "This is complicated Nick. Maybe you should leave now."
        "No way.", Nick flared up. "I'm not a kid anymore. You all can't
send me to my room when you want to talk about things. I'm here and I
deserve to know what is going on."
        "Just tell him.", Kevin said wearily.
        Brian pursed his lips. "He doesn't need to know."
        "I'm 21, dammit, stop treating me like a child!"
        Brian shrugged, "You tell him if you want."
        "Alex and I used to be lovers.", Kevin said simply.
        Nick was stunned. "Really?"
        "Yea, really."
        "When?"
        "When the band first started out. It lasted a couple of years, we
kept it quiet because we didn't want people to find out."
        Nick tried to digest the news. "So, are you gay?"
        "That's one of the things I'm trying to figure out."
        Brian jumped in. "Kevin, you can be rescued from a life of sin.
Kristin can do for you what Leighanne did for me."
        "What are you talking about?"
        "I mean...", Brian trailed off confused. Nothing was going as
planned.
        Nick glared at Brian. "What Mr. Bibleman there means is me.
Leighanne saved him from me."
        Kevin's eyes widened. "Huh?"
        Nick cocked his head and dared Brian to contradict him. "Yep, we
used to blow each other all the time, didn't we Brian?"
        Brian turned beet red. "Nick!"
        "What's the matter? Can't take the truth?"
        Brian faced Kevin. "As I said, I've made mistakes as well..."
        Nick interrupted. "Is that all I was, a mistake? You bastard!" He
fled the room.
        Kevin stood to follow Nick, but stopped to say one last thing to
Brian, "You and I fucked up AJ's life with my cowardice and your bigoted
religious shit. I've fucked up Kristin's life with a lot of help from you,
but you've fucked up Nick's life with no help from anyone at all. I won't
forgive you for that." Kevin ran after Nick out the door. Brian was left
standing alone in the room.


TBC...

Please e-mail any feedback, good or bad to thumper1561@hotmail.com