Date: Tue, 23 Oct 2001 09:25:56 -0500
From: <thumper1561@hotmail.com>
Subject: ...Being Lonely Chapter Seven (Gay) (AJ/Kevin)

Hi Everyone! This is my second attempt at a story. If you enjoy it, my
other story is called 'Whispering Your Name'. It is a *NSYNC tale. I hope
you enjoy both.  Please send me an email and let me know what you think.

Email at thumper1561@hotmail.com.

Thanks for your feedback regarding this story, as a result, I've tried to
broaden the story beyond AJ/Kevin to include the rest of Backstreet.

Legal Stuff
This story is fiction and is not intended to imply anything about the true
sexuality of the celebrities mentioned or any personal knowledge about
their private lives.

This chapter features "Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely", music and
lyrics by Max Martin and Herbert Critchlow. Vocal recording by the
Backstreet Boys(1999)

I do not know the true sexuality of any of the Backstreet Boys or any other
celebrities mentioned in this story. If you are offended by homosexual
material, then, this story isn't for you. And what in the world are you
doing here in the first place!!!!!!!


Chapter 7
by Thumper

...Being Lonely

        Doctor Goldman was not happy about releasing AJ. He knew he wasn't
really ready to face the stresses and strains of the life he was plunging
back into, but now management, and the other 'Boys' were demanding his
return to resume their tour. He had been away long enough. AJ himself was
subdued. His last week of therapy hadn't been particularly productive but
he hadn't shown any sparks of rebellion either. Doctor Goldman suspected
that Richard's absence had something to do with AJ's behavior but he
refused to talk about it. He also refused to meet with Kevin again. 'It was
over.', he proclaimed and professed himself unconcerned about any problems
working with him in the future. He was physically dried out, but Doctor
Goldman sadly suspected that AJ would be returning to a rehab in the near
future.

        When Kevin woke up the morning after his big night with Nick, he
savored a moment of happiness looking at the young blond. Soon enough Nick
awoke and cuddled closer to Kevin. "I love you."
        Kevin kissed him but Nick felt a chill when Kevin didn't respond.
        "Last night was wonderful."
        "Yes it was.", Kevin rested his head against Nick's for a moment.
"We should talk."
        Nick's eyes were now wide open. "What's wrong?"
        "This, us. I was wrong. I promised myself not to do this
anymore..."
        "Do what?"
        "Hurt someone I care about."
        Nick tried to pull away. "What the fuck is this about?"
        "We...I shouldn't have done this. It was a..."
        "If you say mistake, I'm gonna blow you away."
        "Nick, please."
        "You fucking bastard!", Nick got up and began searching for his
clothes. "When all I wanted was a fuck, you couldn't be bothered. Now,
now...when I start to feel...Oh, fuck!"
        Kevin sat up. "Nick, it would hurt AJ too much for us to be
together right now. You know that. He might start..."
        "Start what? Start drinking? I'll hand him the fucking bottle."
        "You don't mean that."
        "The fuck I don't. Where the hell is my bag?"
        "Nick, don't go. We need to talk."
        "No, we fucking don't. You used me you son-of-a-bitch. Fuck a tight
hot ass and then dump 'em. I know the drill. I thought you were
different. I thought this...Fuck, where's the keys?"
        "Nick, stop it!"
        "Here they are.", Nick opened the door. "I'm taking the car. I'm so
stupid, so fucking stupid." He rushed out.
        Kevin heard the car start and go. He prayed Nick wouldn't get in an
accident. He fell back on the bed and tried to figure out what to do next.

        Brian returned to Orlando and chose to give Leighanne a highly
edited version of his trip. To his surprise, she seemed uninterested in the
details or gaps for which he was relieved. He told Kristin that Kevin was
all right but that he was 'going through a difficult time' and needed
space. He left her in the dark about anything more as well.

        Howie made it back to Orlando no worse for the wear. As usual,
nothing scratched him and he carried on the same as always.

        Kevin had returned to Kristin and had been honest with her about
himself. She refused to believe it and Kevin agreed to give her time, at
least until the end of the tour, to find her own way before they discussed
divorce. Despite repeated calls, Nick refused to talk to him.

        Nick drove cross-country to Orlando from California. He ignored
Kevin's phone calls, but he did talk to a close friend who was having
boyfriend problems of his own.  He thought he had a better understanding of
what Kevin had done and why, but he wasn't ready to open up to him yet.

        AJ's first meeting with the guys after rehab could have been
emotional, but since Nick spent the time glaring at him, Brian ignoring
him, Kevin watching him, and Howie, well Howie, leaving after a few minutes
to chat up a new roadie, it lacked the punch it might have had.

       The first night backstage AJ was handed a note from a security
guard.  It said, 'Richard is waiting outside.'.

       Howie entertained two groupies, one male and one female. At least
one was probably legal.

       Brian caught Kevin in the hall. "Did you break up with Kristin?", he
whispered.
       Kevin looked down at him disdainfully. "Yes I did. Not that it's any
of your business."
       "What did you tell her?"
       "Everything."
       "What?"
       "Yes Brian, I was completely honest with my soon-to-be ex-wife. You
might want to try it sometime."
       "Did you tell her about...me?"
       "About you and Nick? No, Brian I didn't. It didn't have anything to
do with it. Besides, you and Nick meant nothing, right?"
       Brian grabbed Kevin's arm. "Are you fucking him?"
       "That really is none of your business, Brian. Get your hands off of
me. I'm done with you and your threats. I've told my family. Yea, that's
right, I did. FYI, they don't care. They still love me. They would love me
no matter what. Who have you got in your life that you could say the same
about?" Kevin strode off.
       Brian stared after him open-mouthed.

       Kevin knocked on Nick's door. "Please, can I come in." Nick opened
it and stood aside to let Kevin in. "Thank you."
       "What is it?"
       "You look good."
       "So do you."
       "I've missed you."
       "Don't."
       "You're right.", Kevin straightened up. "I wanted to tell you I've
separated from Kristin."
       "How did she take it?"
       "Pretty badly, she's going to stay on at the house for now. She's
not sure if she wants to stay there or what she wants to do. We're going to
leave it alone for now and decide after the tour."
       "Sounds sensible."
       "It is."
       "Is that all?"
       "No, I told my family too."
       "How did they take it?"
       "Surprisingly well, I'm ashamed that I gave them so little credit. I
should have known they would love me no matter what."
       "Well, it sounds like things are going perfect for you, as always."
       "You're not going to make this easy are you?", Kevin asked ruefully.
       "Why should I?"
       "You're right again." Kevin paused for a moment. "I screwed up,
Nick.  So much for Mr.  Perfect, huh?"
       Nick was silent.
       "I mean, I screwed up in letting you go."
       Nick looked at Kevin suspiciously. "Yea?"
       "Yea. You were right, I can't live my life out of
obligation. Kristin and AJ have to find their own happiness and I have to
find mine."
       "So what are you saying?"
       "I think I found it. At least as close as I've come in a very long
time." Kevin's eyes watered. "With you, I think I found it with you. I just
hope I'm not too late again."
       Nick was unsure of what to do. "Kevin, I was really hurt by what
happened."
       "I know."
       "I can't just jump back in your arms."
       "I wouldn't expect you to."
       "After the show, let's talk, okay. I mean, really talk."
       Kevin agreed. "Anytime, anywhere."
       "I can't promise anything."
       "I'm not asking for that, just a chance."
       "Okay."
       Kevin left. He leaned against the doorway.
       Nick leaned against the other side.
       Both were alone, but hopefully not for much longer.

       AJ wondered for a minute how Richard had gotten to the show, then
crumpled the note and and tossed it to the floor. "I can't see him."
       "Later?", the guard asked understandingly.
       "Not, later. Not, ever. Tell him to go.", AJ stared at the face in
the mirror as he had his hair styled. He needed a drink.

        On stage, five lonely men harmonized vocally on one of their most
popular hits.

'Show me the meaning the being lonely

So many words for the broken heart
It's hard to see in a crimson love
So hard to breathe
Walk with me, and maybe
Nights of light so soon become
Wild and free I could feel the sun
Your every wish will be done
They tell me...

Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with
Tell me why, I can't be there where you are
There's something missing in my heart

Life goes on as it never ends
Eyes of stone observe the trends
They never say forever gaze
Guilty roads to an endless love
There's no control
Are you with me now
Your every wish will be done
They tell me...

Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with
Tell me why, I can't be there where you are
There's something missing in my heart

There's nowhere to run
I have no place to go
Surrender my heart, body and soul
How can it be you're asking me to feel
the things you never show

You are missing in my heart
Tell me why I can't be there where you are

Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with
Tell me why, I can't be there where you are
There's something missing in my heart

Please e-mail any feedback, good or bad to thumper1561@hotmail.com