Date: Thu, 04 May 2000 19:58:02 PDT
From: Sam Dauson <sdauson@hotmail.com>
Subject: Blind Faith (Part 6)

Here comes installment number six, people. :) I must say I was very pleased
with the response I got from part five, as people seemed to enjoy it a lot.
Keep sending me your comments, people. They really make writing this story
much more enjoyable. Send anything you've got, be it comments, questions,
hate mail, your grocery list, anything, to sdauson@hotmail.com. :)

Remember, this story is a complete work of fiction. Any similarities to real
life or any person(s), living or dead, are entirely coincidental. This story
is not meant to imply anything about the sexuality of Brian Littrell, or any
other of the Backstreet Boys. It's fan fiction, and is not based in any sort
of reality. This story appears to be written in the first person by Brian
Littrell, but in fact, this story was not written by Brian himself, or even
by anyone who knows him personally.

If you are under the age of 18, or your local laws prohibit you from reading
sexually graphic or erotic material, please leave now. The same applies to
anyone offended or made uncomfortable by stories involving consensual
homosexual male relationships. Basically, if you continue reading, you are
doing so on your own free will, and I cannot and will not be held
responsible for any consequences.

Authors Note: Hello, everyone. I know this installment is noticeably shorter
than the others, and I apologize, but I promise, there are good reasons.
Well, maybe they're not good, but at least they fall short of pathetic. :)
Do you want me to explain them here and keep you waiting, or do it at the
end of the story? Well, I think I know the answer. I think you're all pretty
anxious to see what happens, so I'll move on.

I just want to say, thank you, thank you, thank you, to everybody who wrote
me regarding the last installment. You all had wonderful things to say, and
it's our input that keeps me writing. Also, I'd like to recommend a few
stories, including Seth's 'Common People', 'Studio in the Country' by Mike,
and the ever popular 'Brian and Me' by DLS. :)

That being said, on with the story...

Blind Faith
Part 6

	I was stunned for a moment. It took me a moment to realize just what he'd
said, and another to realize just how much of my conversation with Evan he
must have overheard. I'd been caught telling another man I loved him. "So
you heard that, huh?" I finally said. I spoke calmly, trying to dissipate
some of the tension present.

	"Mmmm-hmm." he responded. "I... I didn't mean to eavesdrop or anything, ya
know. I was coming in to tell you I was going over to see what everyone else
was up to, and you were on the phone, and..." he trailed off, his voice
shaking a little.

	"It's okay, Nick, don't worry about it." I told him, trying to keep the
instability in my voice under control. "About what you heard..." I stared.

	"No, no..." he cut me off. "I shouldn't have said anything. That's your
business, not mine." he rushed the words, and practically slurred them into
one big line.

	I could probably have let it go at that, but I didn't want to. I wanted to
tell him everything, I had for a long time, but I could never bring myself
to do it. He was my best friend, my brother almost, after all. It may have
caught me off guard, but this was the perfect opportunity. He turned to
leave, but I quickly stood and stopped him.

	"Nick..." I started.

	"Brian, are you gay?" he cut me off, blurting out the question. His tone
was incredulous, but neither accusing nor hateful.

	There it was, the question that had the potential to ruin my life, my
career, the future of the Backstreet Boys, everything. Nick was my friend,
though. Something inside me knew it was safe to tell him.

	"Yes," I said, almost in a whisper. I nodded my head slowly as I looked at
the floor. Everything that had caused me so much pain, so much distress for
as long as I could remember, out in the open with one word.

	Nick seemed in shock for a moment. "Wh..." he began. He paused and
recomposed himself. "Why didn't you say anything earlier?" he asked.

	A wave of relief washed over me. For a moment, irrational as it may have
been, I had been afraid that he wasn't going to take my confession well,
that he'd reject me, and despise me. "You don't hate me?" I asked him.

	He sighed. "Rok, I couldn't ever hate you. Not over this, or anything." he
paused. "Think about it... if I told you I was into bestiality or something,
you might be a little grossed out, but would you hate me?"

	He was right, as I thought about it. Sometimes, he acted a lot younger than
he was, and at other times, he could be a very mature person, I realized.
"No, I guess not." I said, my eyes still down on the floor.

	He took his hand and brought my head up so I was facing him. It was then
that he pulled me into a hug. I smiled, glad I still had my best friend in
the world, my brother, at my side. I rested my head on his shoulder,
relishing that feeling. "You're not really into..." I trailed off, my smile
growing.

	"Ach... of course not!" he said, pulling back out of the hug to face me,
smiling himself.

	"Good." was all I said. I walked back over to the bed, and sat down again.
He sat down beside me a moment later, and began to speak.

	"So," he said. "Who's Evan?" he repeated his earlier question, quickly
adding that he wouldn't be upset or anything if I didn't want to tell him.

	"It's okay Nick," I said with a sly grin. "But... judging from your
question, it seems you didn't hear all that much of our phone conversation,
did you?" I asked.

	"Nuh-uh," he responded, shaking his head. "Only the last couple of seconds.
Why?"

	"Well, because I..." I trailed of for a moment before resuming. "I kind of
invited him up here." I watched him closely, watching to see what his
reaction would be.

	"Oh," he said simply, seemingly a bit hesitant. "I'm not sure how well you
thought that through, but..." he trailed off.

	"What's the matter?" I asked. "I could just tell the rest of the guys he a
friend of friend, or something. I'm sure I could come up with an excuse." I
wondered maybe if it was him that had the problem, and not my plan. Maybe
this was all going just a little too fast for him.

	"Maybe so," he said. "But they'll suspect something sooner or later, you
know. There's just like no way around it."

	He was right, but I didn't really care. Evan just seemed more important for
the time being. I'd known I'd have to tell the rest of the guys sooner or
later. If the time came as early as the week after next, then so be it. If
they couldn't accept me and Evan, I'd deal with the situation accordingly.
"Yeah... but I guess that's just a risk I'm going to have to take." I said.

	He nodded in understanding. "What about management?"

	"They don't have to know, I suppose. I'll fly Evan out here with money out
of my own pocket, and he can stay in our hotel room." I paused, and began to
regret what I'd just said. If Evan coming to visit us made Nick
uncomfortable, the three of us staying in the same room would certainly be a
problem. He'd taken my whole 'coming out' thing much better than I ever
could have hoped, but now it seemed time to see whether or not my earlier
fears had been founded. "If that's okay with you, you know..."

	To my surprise, he smiled. "Don't worry about it, B..." he said. "I told
you, I have no hangups about who you are, and have no problems about Evan
staying with us, if that's what you're asking."

	I pulled him into another hug right then and there. It was so relieving to
know that I still had Nick to be there for me, that this changed nothing
between us. That he could accept a same sex relationship between me and
another person. I felt liberated, for lack of a better word. I smiled and
let go of Nick.

	"I'm actually looking forward to meeting him." he said. "Just to be sure,"
he said, his tone of voice changing, lowering slightly. "You two are a...
couple, right?" he asked.

	"Yeah... you can say that." I smiled again. Me and Evan certainly acted
like a couple, I thought, but neither of us had ever put it so blatantly.
For fear of boring Nick, however, I kept my answer brief.

	He returned my smile. "So, tell me about him." he said, continuing to
smile, motioning with his hand slightly.

	I thought about the question for a moment. The more I thought about it, the
harder it was to pin down Evan's characteristics with simple words. To me,
he seemed an example of perfection. I couldn't describe him much better than
that. He was Evan, almost angelic in his looks and manner, at least in my
eyes. I couldn't find the words to relate who he was any better.

	"I think you'll just have to wait and see him for yourself," I finally
said.

	"Fine," he said, pouting slightly. "You should probably go talk to Kevin
then. You know the more notice you give him of stuff like this, the happier
he is."

	I nodded my agreement, and got up to leave the room. Before I did, I turned
to look at Nick, still sitting on the bed. "Nick," I started. "Thanks, for
everything."

	"Don't mention it." he said.

	I turned and left the room with a smile on my face. I crossed the hall and
to the right, which took me directly to Kevin's room. Kevin had said he
wasn't tired, but I don't think he wanted to go anywhere by himself, and I
found him alone in his room. He was lying in his bed, on his back reading a
book when I entered.

	"Hey, Kev," I said, getting his attention.

	"What's up, Bri?" he asked, putting down his book, and sitting up at the
same time.

	"Now, I know you're probably not going to like this," I started. "But, I
managed to make somewhat of a friend while I was in Colorado. He saw who I
was, despite my 'disguise', so I decided to go over and say 'hi' and all. We
got to talking, and he turned out to be a pretty nice guy. I actually got to
know him pretty well, and umm, I was talking to him on the phone just now,
and I..." I paused, wondering how Kevin would react. "I kind of invited him
to come see us for a day or two."

	I let out the rest of breath I had left, and hoped he wouldn't get too
upset over this. Regardless of what my relationship was with Evan, I knew I
probably shouldn't have done it, especially without talking to Kevin first.
And of course, if he did allow it, would he buy my story? It was the truth,
to some extent. I just left out a few details.

	"You shouldn't have done that, you know..." he said, just as I'd expected.
His expression remained blank for the most part.

	"I know, I know, but we kind of got to be pretty good friends, even knowing
each other for only a few days." I said, defending myself. "I know he's a
fan, and he wanted to meet you all. I'll pay for his air fare, and he'll
stay with me and Nick. He'll only be here for two, maybe three nights." I
gave him my best pleading face. "Please, Kev?"

	He looked at me sternly for a moment before replying. "Oh, alright," he
said, his face softening. "Anything for the fans, right?" he gave me a sort
of tired smile.

	"Thanks, Kev... you're the best." I said, giving him a huge smile.

	"When's he coming?" he asked. He seemed oblivious to the fact that Evan was
a guy. Maybe he was happy it wasn't a teenage girl, maybe he'd believed my
story, or maybe it just didn't matter to him. Either way, he left that
detail alone, and took quite the load off my shoulders.

	"It would be the weekend after this coming weekend." I answered.

	He let out a sigh. "Okay... you wanna tell the rest of the guys, or should
I?" he asked.

	I thought about it for a moment. If I told them, I was liable to get all
nervous and such. I didn't make a very good liar, truth be told. I figured
it would be better to have Kevin tell them. "You can tell 'em, Kev... I'm
pretty tired, so I think I'm going to bed. I already told Nick, so you only
have to talk with Howie and A.J."

	"Okay," he said. "Night, Bri."

	"Night, and thanks." I smiled. I'd been standing the entire time, so I
simply turned and left the room, closing the door lightly behind me as Kevin
laid back down on his bed, going back to his book for a few minutes before
he would tell the other two. I walked back across the hall to the room
belonging to Nick and myself, and opened the door.

	It was pretty dark in the room, except for a small lamp on a table near the
bed. There was enough illumination for me to see Nick curled up on his bed,
asleep. It certainly had been a long day for him, I reflected. Aside from
the jet lag we were all suffering from, I think our little talk earlier
might have been tiring as well. I walked over to my bed, and sat down. It
was only nine at that time. Nick had said he was tired, and he did have my
sexuality to deal with, but usually he was up much later than me.

	That topic aside, it would only be eight o'clock in Colorado. If Evan was
anything like the typical high school student, I still had plenty of time to
call him before he'd be going to sleep. I took out my phone, and dialed the
number of his cell phone.

	"Hey, Bri." he answered. "Missed you." I could hear the smile in his voice.

	"Missed you too, babe." I said, smiling to myself. "Did you talk to your
mom?"

	"Yeah," he said. "She didn't like the idea too much, but I think she's
gonna allow it."

	"Excellent!" I said with genuine excitement. "I can't wait." My smile
increased by at least 2 fold.

	"Neither can I... I miss you so bad, Bri."

	"Same here..." I said. "What's the earliest you'll be able to board a plane
for the weekend?" I asked.

	"Saturday morning. My mother said if I was leaving her alone for the entire
weekend, I at least had to stay home Friday and help around the house. I'd
be able to stay until Tuesday afternoon." he said.

	"Sounds great to me. I'll make the arrangements to fly you to Minneapolis.
I talked to Kevin, he said everything was fine by him, and that we shouldn't
have any problems with management." I didn't want to tell him that Kevin had
been reluctant to give the okay, and I didn't think it would matter much. I
figured I'd wait to tell him about how much Nick knew of our relationship as
well.

	"Sounds good," he said. "I guess I'll talk to you later, then, right?"

	"Yup."

	"Good night, Brian." he said.

	"Night, Evan." I hung up the phone, and set it on the small table next to
my bed. I would have been bubbling with excitement at the prospect of seeing
him again, except for the fact that I myself was as tired as Nick.

	Today had been a very exhausting one. I told Nick about my sexually, and
he'd been completely understanding. I'd be seeing Evan again in less than
two weeks, and more importantly, I'd told him I loved him, and vice versa.
It was such a wonderful feeling, to be loved, to know you're loved. It
warmed my soul, and above all else, I felt good. Completely and entirely
good.

	I changed out of my clothes, and got myself ready for bed. Sleep was
becoming more and more tempting by the second, so I wasted no time in
preparing for it. As soon as I was done brushing my teeth, I got myself into
the bed, turned off the single remaining light in the room, and drifted to
sleep.

---

Well, there you have it, the 6th part. I hope everyone enjoyed it as much as
the last part. Please email me letting me know. This is the kind of stuff
I'm interested in. Remember, every email I get just makes me want to write
more and more. :) Send all your comments, questions, and suggestions to
sdauson@hotmail.com.

Yes, this part is on time, but that's because of the unusually short length.
It's been an awfully busy week, so I could have written the full 20kb and
had it out to you guys about 3 days late, or just upload what I had on time.
Considering the response I got from part 5, which was basically people
telling me they can't wait to see what happened next, I opted for the
latter. Hope you all don't get too mad at me. :)

The first reason for the brevity of this part is above, and here's the
second: I'm sick. These past two, maybe three days I've come down with a
pretty nasty cold, and it's kept me in bed for a while. And I'm sure I'm not
alone in saying when you feel like crap, the writing doesn't exactly 'flow'.
:) Anyway, instead of delaying this installment, I figured I'd just put up
what I had now.

Anyway, the next installment is probably going to be about that week of tour
before Evan comes to join them. Any help you can offer about what was going
on with tour schedules, what songs they were singing, etc. in this time
frame would be greatly appreciated. :) Anyway, with the end of the school
year fast approaching, I'll do my best to get the next part out on time and
at the full 20kb, but I've got finals and everything, and on top of that,
this stupid cold, so I'm afraid I can't make any promises. :)

Welp, I think that about does it for this time. Even though I'm sick, I'll
still be answering any and all emails. Be sure to write me. :) I'll talk to
you folks later. Bye, everyone! :)

Sam