Date: Tue, 25 Dec 2007 05:24:38 +0000
From: J-dot M <catsfan1@hotmail.com>
Subject: "Who Knew" (Gay/Celebrity/Boy-Bands)

Who Knew
Written by JM

** Disclaimer: Don't own `em, don't know `em, not factual.  No harm, no
foul.  Please be at least the age of 18. **


You took my hand, you showed me how
You promised me you'd be around
I took your words and I believed
In everything you said to me


	There were voices but he didn't listen to them.  His soft blue eyes
carelessly stared at the glass in front of him, almost oblivious to the
occupant in the other room in front of him.  His fingers tapped along a
mixer, blinking lights and dozens of buttons he knew not to push or they'd
have to start over once more.  His yawn wasn't heard over the beginning of
the playback but he caught a disapproving stare from the corner, a feigned
grin offering some form of an apology to his friend.  There were days when
the tattoos hidden beneath a gray hoody were the only things he could use
to identify AJ.  He was becoming too much like Nick; all cigarettes and
loud talking with lots of swearing and crude comments that left a thick,
unwanted taste at the back of his throat.  He hated when Baylee was around
to witness that.

	"We need to quicken the tempo and turn up the bass."

	He shook his head, leaning forward on the mixing board.  AJ always
wanted to change something.  He was beyond critical.  He wanted to call it
precise, maybe a trait suited for a perfectionist, but since he'd only
known AJ to be a perfectionist on the rarest of sober days, he doubted that
was AJ's excuse.  He liked the power.  He ravished in the freedom of having
control, the ability to speak his mind because Nick wouldn't disagree too
much and Howie wouldn't figure out the proper argument to win a war of
words.  AJ found solace in the absence of Kevin.  There was no definite
leader now, but if one was elected, he was certain AJ would try to win over
a two-to-one vote of confidence.

	"Hey Brian, don't you think we need to change up the tempo?"

	He lifted his head then, taking his eyes off of flashing lights.
He didn't even bother to look through the glass again, watch Howie stand
behind a riser with a lyric sheet he was trying to learn without anybody
noticing.  But he did.  He knew Howie hadn't learned all of his part yet
and it was probably because AJ and Nick had just wrote it an hour ago when
Howie complained about lacking a voice in the song.  He twitched his nose
and gave AJ a quick glance over his shoulder.

	"Howie needs to take his voice up a half-step near the end of that
verse."

	"Oh come on Brian, that's all you think is wrong?" AJ inquired,
voice thick with rasp.  He leaned forward from his seat on a couch near the
door, raising his brow at his friend.  "You know the Backstreet Boys way of
doing things.  D is a pro at this."

	On the surface, they were the Backstreet Boys.  Platinum certified,
Grammy nominated, chart topping, once the leader of a generation of musical
idols.  Officially, they were still those guys.  But something internally,
something was missing.  It was barely held together by some non-name brand
glue that Brian wished could repair everything that was missing.  It was
easy to blame the absence of Kevin for that lasting feeling of emptiness.
It was the obvious missing link.  But it was something about their personal
growth, their refusal to move on.  Something about the way they had grown
in different directions and yet they still wanted to hold onto some part of
their youth, their hidden resolve.

	Brian knew they'd still be friends if the group was no more.  He
still, for the most part, considered Howie, Nick, and AJ brothers.  He'd
call, probably more than they'd call him.  He'd be at every wedding, child
birth, AA meeting, award presentation, and declaration of depression.  But
that was him.  That was always him.  He had that dedication for them.  He
was certain Nick lacked that kind of enthusiasm.  AJ had grown into someone
who often spoke of devotion but remained non-committal.  Howie carried the
same attitude as Brian but his steadiness had wavered through the years.
Kevin had already begun to become less involved, less willing to answer the
phone or make a valiant attempt to make conversations long and full of
wisdom like he did when he was part of the group.  But there was still
something linking them together.

	"Whatever you thinks best AJ," Brian sighed out, a small shrug
following his words.  He leaned back in his chair, a familiar buzz
vibrating against his thigh.  He heard some kind of sarcastic remark follow
his words but he didn't take the time to let it meander in his thoughts.
He flipped open his SideKick and smiled when a familiar name blinked across
the screen.

	"Dude, didn't we order some food awhile ago?"

	Brian didn't turn his head when the door swished open and Nick's
voice bellowed into the production room.  He read through the text message
with strict concentration, eyes squinted and mouth fumbling with a crooked
grin.  He knew he should have some sense of worry, some sense of fear after
reading the message but he was still tingling from the thought of getting a
message period.

	"Yeah, we ordered it sometime before your first smoke break/ What
are you on number three now?" AJ pondered, sliding over on the couch before
Nick could plop down.

	"Yeah and fuck off," Nick chimed, flicking AJ off while trying to
peer at Brian.  "Brian?"

	"Catchy lyric.  I'll have to remember that for our next song," AJ
grinned, lightly punching Nick's arm.  It drew no reaction.

	"Hello?  Paging Mr. Littrell," Nick beckoned, leaning forward in
his seat to grab the back of Brian's chair.  He gave it a light shake and
eased back when Brian slowly swiveled the chair around to face him.  He
smirked when Brian stared at him with an unresponsive expression.  He
crossed his arms, words of spite waiting to rise.

	"Man, Nick, lay off.  Can't you see the man's taking care of
business on his phone there.  It's probably the soon-to-be ex-wifey trying
to fuck up his day once again," AJ insisted, pulling a pack of cigarettes
from his jeans.  He scowled when Nick snatched one from the open pack.
"Seriously Brian, you just need to move on from it.  She cheated, you
caught her, you don`t want her back, end of story.  Go out and find a new
little young thing to replace her."

	AJ's frankness never threw him.  They had been around each other
for more years than Brian cared to remember; he was used to it.  It was the
sheer belief behind those words that troubled Brian and led him to hold his
SideKick in one hand while stringing the fingers of his other hand through
his hair.  There was a tug at his heart, something resembling guilt.  AJ
was genuine in his statement, unaware of the occurrences in Brian's life.
He felt obligated to inform his friends of his fallen marriage.  Maybe it
was because of a lecture he endured from Kevin when he found out through
Brian's parents?  It didn't matter much because each of the men were
supportive.

	Brian caught a slick, intentional grin from Nick out of the corner
of his eye.  He held back a sigh, trying to avert his eyes from AJ because
if he stared too long, he might have to confess to things he was unsure of.
Even Kevin was oblivious to Brian's relationship with Justin Timberlake.
Brian spent more than an hour questioning Nick on whom he might've told,
especially when Kevin started to call more often asking Brian's
whereabouts.  He was certain he should've told them sooner.  Nick was
putting a continuous strain on his conscience, but there was no pressure
from Justin.  Not even a question of why.  Justin took comfort in having
something secret, a bond that he didn't have to share with countless
friends or family.  Even Justin's friends found the time to question
Brian's sincerity by not informing his friends, the ones he called his
"brothers," but Justin stayed in that thin vein of trust with a grin.

	It was that quiet thoughtfulness that made Brian want to reply
immediately to the message he received.  It made him want to excuse himself
from the studio and call Justin, listen to him talk about his tour or his
appearances or the last time he had the opportunity to do laundry.  It made
him frown just a little because Justin fell asleep on the phone the night
before and they had only spoken via text messages.  Brian had yet to hear
that voice, the cockiness that resounded through words that didn't always
make sense but were worth hearing.  But there was something in that message
that reminded Brian why he did it all.  Apologies for falling asleep, words
of adoration, confesses of missing the feel of Brian's body at night, and a
quick note about an impending meeting between the two.

	Brian looked up, found AJ still watching him and he knew he had yet
to piece together a response to AJ's earlier statement.  Nick was still
grinning smugly and Brian thought to leap from his eat and smack him.  Nick
was eager to play the blackmail card.  He was good at it.  He'd once
managed to get a quick grand from AJ just to keep quiet about some affair
he had while with Amanda.  Secrets weren't meant for him and Brian wished
daily that the obligation of being best friends meant sharing almost
everything in their lives.

	"Circumstances have changed AJ," Brian said, his voice lying
between convincing and uncertain.  He cleared his throat, slouching in his
chair.  For some reason he wished Baylee was nearby to distract him.  But
Baylee was in Atlanta, with his mother, and Brian was stuck in some studio
their label rented out in a quiet part of California.  And how many songs
did the label want completed?  At least three?  Three songs worth of
headaches and time consumption that forced Brian to reschedule a few
appearances for his own album.  Three songs that took time away from his
son and from Justin.

	"Don't tell me you're going back to her," AJ gushed, his plea
exaggerated while leaning forward on the couch.

	"Nope, but that whole `find another young thing' sounds pretty
accurate," Nick boasted, a lingering snicker following.

	Brian sighed loudly while AJ quirked an eyebrow, glancing back and
forth between Nick and Brian.  Nick was quick to shrug, cocking his head
toward Brian.  AJ rubbed his goatee while watching Brian, eyeing the older
man as he ran his hands over his face and exhaled hard.  He sensed the
tension and his ineptness prevented him from letting the subject die
slowly.

	"You're dating again?" AJ inquired and it only took a troubled
glance from Brian for him to ease back on the couch, nodding.  "That's a
good thing."

	"Oh, it's great," Nick beamed with a sing-song voice, wild blue
eyes focused on Brian.

	Brian rolled his eyes on cue.  He gripped his SideKick and thought
about walking out.  He could give an excuse about needing air, slip away to
one of the quiet corridors, sit on the floor and try to call Justin.  He
needed to focus his mind other places, but the inevitable seemed so
tangible now.  Nick wouldn't refrain from torturing him, probably claiming
it all to be some massive joke later on if Brian confronted him about it.

	"Jeez Rok, has ol' Nick here met the lucky lady or something?" AJ
questioned, slipping a cigarette between his lips.  He took a few more
glances between Nick and Brian, trying to understand the silent banter
between the two.  It felt heated and AJ wasn't one to back away from ending
confrontations.

	"Yeah, I've met the lucky..."

	Words were muffled and Brian was steadfast.  He felt Nick fighting
him but he refused to remove his hand from over Nick's mouth.  There was a
struggle and Brian was certain when they were younger Nick fought harder.
It didn't matter.  Brian's own anxiety aided him in finding the strength to
keep his hand still.

	"Shouldn't you be getting ready to head into the booth to work on
your verse?" Brian questioned, his voice tense and he lost his will to hide
his anger and disapproval toward Nick.  He gave Nick's jaw a strong squeeze
and squinted his eyes when Nick squealed.  He didn't bother looking at AJ,
though he could hear his protests over Nick's fiery, stifled words.  He
unlatched his hand when he felt AJ tugging at his bicep, resistance still
strong as he leaned back in his chair.

	"You two are fucking crazy.  You would think Brian was trying to
hide the fact that he was fucking with Britney Spears from me or
something," AJ grumbled, standing and easing between Nick and Brian.  He
gave Brian a once over, shaking his head at the older man.

	"If you only knew how close you were," Nick muttered, hand holding
his jaw as he did his best to adjust it.  He glared at Brian, slipping his
cigarette behind his ear with a pout.

	"Studio Nick," Brian hissed, standing from his seat before pushing
the chair back.  He rolled his shoulders, watching the taller man stand and
stick his tongue out at Brian.  It was a mild attempt at humor but Brian
had fallen quickly away from that natural comedic bubble he and Nick once
lived in.

	"Need a smoke break first," Nick mumbled, edging away from AJ.  He
placed a hand on the door, taking a quick glance over his shoulder at
Brian.  He frowned when he saw Brian's furrowed brow and angered stare.

	"I'll join you," AJ said before turning back to Brian.  Brian
refused to look back and AJ shook his head before asserting, "maybe you
should go get a drink Brian.  Loosen up a little so we can talk."

	Their exit was quiet, but the pounding in Brian's head wasn't.  He
eased back until he was leaning against the mixing board, eyes slowly
shutting as he held back bitter tears.  He exhaled softly while rubbing his
temples.  His mother always told him not to grind his teeth but he knew
punching the wall with his bare fist would lead to injuries far worse than
his teeth.

	He was never the one who caused distress or unease within the
group.  He could only think of two times where it was him that drew the
center of attention.  Only when he was having heart problems and decided to
marry Leigh Anne.  Nick's countless girlfriends and bitter breakups along
with continuous family quandaries drew more attention.  His desire to leave
the group for solo ventures left them all at a standstill.  AJ's drug
problems, his rehabilitation, and innumerable arguments with the others
caused more grief.  There were rare instances that involved Howie, but most
of them left the group silent for days.  Even Kevin and his marital
problems and decision to leave the group laid its toll.  But not Brian.
His decisions, actions in life didn't cause turmoil for the Backstreet
Boys.

	He gave them each credit for bringing a different, necessary
dynamic to the group.  He supported their decisions when they were
beneficiary and talked through their difficulties when the affects showed a
little too greatly.  He was comforting when needed and stern when no one
would be.  It didn't like to argue, something he was sure carried over to
his marriage and past relationships.  He seldom chose sides.  He didn't
like to play the martyr and anything that held him back, he dealt with
before its side effects trickled over to his life as a musician.  He kept
his situation with Leigh Anne private for those reasons.

	The vibration of his SideKick against his palm opened up blue eyes
and drew out a sigh from pressed together pink lips.  He flipped it open,
took a look at the message and raised his brow.  He scratched his forehead
while trying to figure out what his response should be.  It wasn't
necessary.  He wasn't supposed to respond.  There was some course of action
that was expected to be taken and he merely leaned off the mixing board and
took a moment to read the words again.

	`I'm on the other side of the door'

	Moments of clarity were needed, but he only took seconds.  Just
those few seconds that passed as he curiously walked toward the door,
pulled it open and peered to the other side.  Those moments were laced with
strings of fear, weavings of anxiousness, and the silkiness of knowing
comfort was so close.  And it was.  It was offered to him various shades of
blue.  Blue eyes that were almost aqua in the hard light of the studio
halls.  A light blue shirt that was hidden beneath a barely zipped up
stripped hoody, the first couple of buttons undone and exposing neck and
collarbone.  A blue liquid held in a large hand that swirled the contents
in the Gatorade bottle around.  Brian wanted to stare into those eyes for
hours, unbutton that shirt to find more skin beneath, let those hands rub
his hand and push back his hair to lay gentle, amber-soft kisses against
his forehead.

	"Justin," Brian whispered and he was sure he meant to keep that
inside, but the name that trickled off his lips seemed to be his only
discernable thought.

	There was a grin, one only slightly devoid of that nervousness that
he could feel the both shared.  There was a nod from his boyfriend, one
that Brian tried to interpret while Justin moved forward.  Brian slipped
his SideKick into his pocket, remaining in the doorway as Justin drew close
enough for them to whisper but far enough for no one to question whether
there was a more intimate connection between the two.

	"I know I was supposed to stop by a little later but it got kind of
boring shopping with Trace and my cousin.  I just hopped in the car, told
Lorenzo to follow just in case, and drove down here," Justin stated, his
voice drenched in that airiness that tugged at compromising grins and made
his eyes more inviting than Brian anticipated.

	"You're actually here," Brian said back, his voice soft and
fighting with distress.  He tried to lift a smile on his own lips, but his
thoughts were still there and they were beginning a battle with his
awareness of what it meant to have Justin there.

	Justin nodded, cautious about inching forward a little more.
Instinct made him want to press his palm to Brian's cheek, rub a thumb
under his eye and try to dissect Brian's every look.  He knew he could.
The studio was practically empty sans Brian, Nick, AJ, Howie, and a
technician or two.  But he was still conscious of who they were, what they
weren't to everyone else.  He wanted to be that boyfriend, that one that
got to pull Brian into his arms and listen to every word Brian said with
his hand running over Brian's spine.  Desire didn't overrule logic.

	"Yeah, I slipped in without Nick or AJ even noticing.  I saw them
smoking out front so I came in through the back," Justin noted, his hand
accidentally running over a pocket on Brian's jeans and he was quick to
withdraw.  He caught Brian flinch and aspiration was once again rising,
pleading with him to lean down and kiss Brian's cheek for assurance.  He
sighed under an exhale and let his eyes drift around the hall for a moment.

	"Yeah, things aren't exactly too kosher around here right now,"
Brian remarked, eyes glancing down.  He was doing his best to hide
disappointment.  He was nibbling on his lower lip before the thought
crossed his mind and shuffling his feet against the ground when Justin laid
a hand on his shoulder, giving it a light squeeze.

	"What's the matter?"

	When Justin spoke, Brian felt those frustrated tears begin to build
and he fought against him.  He cried over grander things, things that
hampered his life more.  Arguments with Nick or secrets hidden from AJ and
Howie shouldn't weigh against his heart the way they did.  He could sense
it was more about the lie he was telling himself.  He was making himself
believe it was acceptable to keep his relationship to himself, pretend it
didn't exist in front of others.  But it did.  It made him waking up in the
morning worth it.  It made days apart, nights together, more cherished than
any moment he spent with Leigh Anne or any woman.  It kept him balanced and
when he pretended it was nonexistent, it left him lopsided, unhinged.

	"I haven't told them," Brian finally replied, head lifted and eyes
glossy.  He didn't shy away from Justin's softening look.  It only fueled
his grief in origins that were still unknown to parts of his heart.  "It's
hard."

	Justin nodded, his thumb rubbing into the skin at the nape of
Brian's neck.  He didn't need Brian to elaborate.  Confessing to his own
friends about his affection for Brian was simpler, if not forced.  He
didn't have much time to dwell on it, to contemplate the ways to say it or
whether he should say it at all.  It was more like stripping a bandage from
a wound.  It was a quick process.  A process that he was able to adapt to
once he told Trace, marinated in his best friend's reaction.  It was
something that was a little more difficult when he told his mother.  It was
painstaking then.

	Brian's friends weren't Justin's friends.  They were different.
Justin was aware of minor situations, the basic structure of how the
Backstreet Boys worked.  There wasn't a member who had strayed from the
orthodox when it came to sexuality.  There were questions presented, but
nothing concrete.  There wasn't a Lance, a period of adjustment for another
member before Brian.  Justin was accepted because he was Justin.  He had
always been different, unconventional.  They were far too many differences
within the similarities that made it easier for Chris to be weird, for
Lance to be gay, for Joey to be the whore-turned-father, for JC to be
schizophrenic and for Justin to be with Brian.

	"Maybe I should go?" Justin suggested, his hand retreating from
Brian's shoulder.  He knew the importance of time.  He understood what fear
meant.  He lived in it for hours after his heart began to develop feelings
surpassing friendly.  It didn't hold him long.  He resisted its need to
hamper any advancement in his situation with Brian.  He didn't know if he
could say the same for Brian.

	Brian struggled with words, but his body reacted naturally.  He
grabbed Justin's hand before it could drift too far, his eyes glancing to
his right and left.  It was still only Justin in the hallway.  He took in a
confident breath, his eyes focusing on Justin once more as Justin raised
his brow.  He smiled internally, his lips puckering at the sight of the
scruffy hairs sprinkled across Justin's cheeks and under his chin.  He
wanted to kiss it, feel the sharp hairs rub against his cheeks.  He
couldn't but that didn't stop him from holding onto Justin's hand, waiting
for the smallest hint of trust to fade into Justin's eyes.  When it did,
Brian was brisk to lead Justin into the studio, taking backward steps until
he reached the engineering board.

	"What about these past few months that we've spent together would
give you the impression that I ever want you to go?" Brian asked, his voice
still soft but his tone reaching for that confidence he was used to having.
He caught the petite grin that slipped across Justin's lips.  He let a
smaller one pass across his own.

	"You can handle this?" Justin wondered, pulling his hand from
Brian's.  He didn't drift away from Brian.  He stayed close, one of his
legs sliding between Brian's.  He fought against the natural lean his body
began to move toward, sliding his hand into his back pocket while his other
ran across his buzzed hair.

	Brian shrugged, tilting his head to admire Justin.  He wanted to
latch onto that conviction that Justin carried so naturally.  He chewed on
the inside of his mouth, watching the way Justin held the back of his neck
and stared at him with apprehension circling his blue eyes.  It was
endearing.  It wasn't pity.  It was what made Brian want to beg Justin to
take him anywhere but the studio just to talk, to breathe.

	"If I couldn't then I should've never asked you to be my
boyfriend," Brian stated, a finger cautiously slipping into one of Justin's
belt loops.  He gave it a small tug, grinning at the way Justin resisted.

	"I was gonna ask you first," Justin whispered.  He chewed on his
bottom lip, trying to smile as Brian laughed.

	"We should just run away together," Brian teased, eyes lighting up
when Justin snorted.

	"No, you have to stay here and try to make a hit record," Justin
retorted, lowering his hand from his neck to the hem of Brian's shirt.  He
toyed with it, fingers wanting to venture up and unbutton the few buttons
at the top.  "But maybe later on we can sit at my place with a bottle of
rum?"

	Brian licked his lips, that inescapable smile tickling his pink
lips.  Thoughts rushed his mind, memories of sitting on the floor with a
shot glass and a familiar smile dancing across Justin's red lips.  Was that
Justin's friendly flirtation?  He doubted it, but he could still taste the
rum on his tongue, the tears against his lips and everything about that
night was inviting and warming.

	"I wish I could, but you know I have to fly out tonight so I can be
there when Baylee wakes up tomorrow morning," Brian sighed out, shivering
at the sensation of Justin's cool fingertips as they slipped under his
shirt and played with the skin around his navel.

	"So why offer to run away?" Justin inquired with a quirked eyebrow,
eyes drifting to watch his wrist disappear under the fabric.

	"The thought was dreamy," Brian sung back, grinning as he leaned
forward to look at Justin.  That face was still calling him and those
sullen eyes were almost heartbreaking.

	"Dreamy huh?  Sort of like you," Justin whispered, eyes lifting to
glance at Brian.  He giggled under his breath when Brian blushed.  He'd
gladly run away with that shy Brian.  He'd cancel his tour to spend days
and echoing nights with that side of Brian.

	"You make my heart flutter," Brian gushed, leaning off the mixing
board.  They were close when he did that, bodies touching and he didn't run
from it.  The production booth was just another room, just another place
but Justin was his boyfriend.  It didn't matter where, just who to Brian.

	"Corny B," Justin uttered, licking his lips before smiling.
Another tug at his belt loop and he shattered his own fear.  He leaned
down, his hand rising from under Brian's shirt to hold his cheek.  He
grinned when Brian's eyes began to shut and he happily brushed his lips
against Brian's.  He felt Brian's other hand on the small of his back and
he didn't pull away.  He let his lips travel across Brian's, feel their
soft texture, the way they crushed against his and moved like lace against
his skin.  He did his best to keep it brief, just a kiss to remind himself
what was his, what he didn't know he wanted but had so unconditionally.

	"Mmm," Justin moaned quietly when he drew back, snickering when
Brian drifted forward and stole another kiss.  He let Brian linger, let his
lips kiss at Brian's with a freeness he was enjoying long before his mind
realized it.  "Corny looks good on you."

	"You know they think I'm dating your ex," Brian said, his voice
low.  He eased back from Justin, resting on the mixing board again as
Justin raised his brow.

	"Who?  Please say Alyssa because you and Cameron wouldn't be a good
fit.  You're both goofballs and she`s far too unavailable emotionally for
someone as sweet as you," Justin insisted, swiping his thumb across Brian's
wet lips.

	Brian raised his own brow but he wasn't given the opportunity to
answer.  A tapping at the glass in the booth shook him and Justin's wide
eyes only furthered his desire to turn around.  He found it hard to swallow
when he stared into Howie's own wide brown eyes.  Everything inside of him
trembled and his brain couldn't calculate fast enough to respond to Howie's
hand gestures.  He didn't know why he had forgotten that Howie was still in
the studio.  He could fumble with excuses like the low lighting the room
because it was the way Howie liked to record.  He could've been overwhelmed
with the presence of Justin or the sheer need to find comfort in the one
person he knew would provide it without too many questions.  But somehow
his mind found it hard to settle into figuring out why he had forgotten
because it was too busy trying to piece together how much of his actions
with Justin Howie witnessed.

	"Yo, the food's here Rok."

	Again, thoughts were interrupted.  They were splintered and spread
across Brian's psyche when Nick and AJ reentered the production booth.  His
head snapped in the direction of AJ's smoky voice, nerves already reaching
past limits he thought he had.  Out of the corner of his eye he saw Justin
stepping to the side, his focus not on Justin's expression but on the one
splattered across AJ's face.  Denying that he could feel his heart crawling
up into his throat would be like denying the way AJ peered at him didn't
make his stomach slip two inches lower.

	Brian glanced past AJ, spotted the way Nick rolled his eyes toward
Justin before shooting him a smug grin.  Friends for years, best friends
for what felt like a lifetime.  They'd experienced the world together, saw
each others' flaws and perfections.  He sought Nick's approval for most
things.  Nick was one of the first people he told about Leigh Anne and
their pending nuptials.  He screamed and cried to Nick, called him when his
son was born.  And none of it seemed to matter when Nick's disapproval of
Justin became so apparent.  What they were to each other for years, for
unforgettable moments, was slowly becoming irrelevant.

	"I told you he wasn't dating her," Nick sneered, clasping a hand on
AJ's shoulder.  He leaned in, eyes gaping at Justin while adding, "but they
both have bald heads so you were close."

	Justin was quick to turn to Brian, wide eyes waiting for Brian's
head to turn in the slightest in his direction.  He scratched at his
goatee, sighing softly.  There was a reservation in Brian's eyes that made
Justin want to yank him closer and give him that assurance that Brian
offered to him when his friends discovered the relationship between he and
Brian.

	"Oh, that ex," Justin deadpanned.

	Brian could sense a joke waiting on Nick's lips and his own protest
was already beginning to form into coherent sentences but it was halted
when Howie rushed into the production booth, eyes wild with outstretched
arms.  Brian closed his eyes, the tension digging against his brain while
the overwhelming emotions continued to rush his heart.  He didn't have to
open his eyes to know AJ was still staring, Nick was waiting, Howie was
curious, and Justin was still there taken the brunt of the looks.

	"I am praying that maybe I am gradually suffering the weird after
effects of some kind of contact high from last night at that party I went
to," Howie prattled, pushing past Nick and AJ.  He gave Justin another
look, confused by his presence.  "Did I really just see Brian kiss Justin
Timberlake?"

	"Kiss?" AJ hissed.

	"So that explains why your voice is kind of sub par today," Nick
chimed, reaching out to lay his free hand on Howie's shoulder.  He pouted
when Howie shrugged it away and grumbled when AJ did the same.

	"Maybe Brian was choking and Justin was offering him
mouth-to-mouth?" Howie suggested, scratching his neck.  He was good at
convincing the others when needed, but convincing himself proved
unthinkable.

	"Said the spider to the fly," Nick muttered, a tight grin on his
lips when Justin began to glare at him.

	"You. Kissed. Him?" AJ questioned, taking small steps toward Brian.
He ignored Nick when he pulled the bags of food from his hands.  He kept
his eyes on Brian, patient until Brian's eyes batted open.  He wondered if
those were tears that kept Brian's lashes matted together or if maybe that
was the beginning of a frown on Brian's pouting lips.

	Brian still hadn't pieced the words he needed together.  He
could've thought of this moment a million times before and he was certain
he still wouldn't have the right words to say.  He had accepted reality,
swallowed it like a bitter pill.  He was ready for the stares he knew he'd
get from AJ and Howie while they waited.  That finely perfected focus was
interrupted by swift movement and a pair of blue eyes, a tender smile
pulling at his heart.

	Brian was certain there would be some kind of hesitation, some
thought process that would prevent that hand from lifting and kindly
cupping his cheek.  He chewed on his lower lip, waiting for it to retract
and leave him.  That large hand, with its caring fingers, remained and
something felt so tangible in those clear blue eyes.  Those eyes were
blocking him from viewing Howie and AJ, even Nick.  They were almost
possessive, trying to will Brian's mind away from his fears and self doubt.

	"We've really gotta work on this whole informing our friends about
you and I thing we've got going," Justin remarked, his voice soft but still
encased in that confidence that wrapped so tightly around his words Brian
wondered if there were really moments when it didn't exist.

	Brian watched Justin release a small laugh when he nodded, never
glancing away to any of his friends.  He offered a diminutive smile that
caused Justin's smile to grow larger.  He placed his own hand on Justin's
hip, a sharp action that fought against the reserve inside of himself.  He
relaxed his jaw, the tenseness fading under Justin's fingers.  Those
fingertips burned against his skin in that polite way that always eased him
to sleep at night.

	"I think I better go," Justin advised, letting his smile fade away
gradually.  He brushed a thumb over Brian's lips when he saw the doubt rise
in his expression.  He was brisk to add, "I won't be far.  I think there's
an open room just down the hall if you need me."

	Brian responded with a smaller nod this time, eyes dropping a
little.  He wanted to think of a work that spoke more volume than `need.'
One that truly explained what he felt in his heart.  He found the courage
to lean into Justin's palm when it began to recede, smiling when a knowing
grin passed over Justin's lips.  He gave Justin's hip the smallest squeeze,
sighing when a giggle from Justin followed.

	Justin leaned in close enough so that his nose brushed the tip of
Brian's.  He licked his lips, his tongue almost extending and grazing over
Brian's.  He heard petite gasps, an echoed grumble but refused to pull
away.  He gazed into Brian's eyes and found the strength not to get lost in
them.  "You might not believe it, but we've been through worse B.  But I
had you then and I still got you now."

	"We've had this discussion about you always saving me before, huh?"
Brian pondered, his voice equally soft but still far from being devoid of
that warmth, that southern accent he bore naturally.

	"It's mutual remember?" Justin insisted, purposely nuzzling their
noses.  He took in Brian's breath, could taste it as clear as he tasted
Brian's kisses midday.  It was some kind of lasting mixture of coffee,
cola, and spearmint gum.  It made Justin's nose twitch and his water desire
a lengthy kiss.

	"Excuse me," AJ hissed, his voice carrying over that pounding in
Brian's head.

	"Think maybe they want to speak with their precious St. Brian,"
Justin whispered, a laugh rattling in his chest.

	"Smart ass," Brian snickered, shaking his head.  He lowered his
hand from Justin's lip but reveled in Justin's refusal to separate their
closeness.

	"Cute ass," Justin retorted and he was quick to steal a brief kiss
before Brian could rebuff him.  It wasn't the lengthy one he craved, not
even one that allowed him to linger against that bottom lip with his tongue
and teeth.  It was one that Justin could barely taste but enough to satiate
him and calm that unhinging nervousness in Brian's eyes.  He puckered his
lips at Brian and winked, drawing back.  He cleared his throat when he
turned on his heels, peering eyes from AJ, disapproving eyes from Nick, and
uncertain ones from Howie leaving him to shrug.

	"Good seeing you McClean," Justin charmed, nodding toward AJ as he
scooted toward the door.  He briskly rolled his eyes at Nick before
glancing at the shorter Howie, smiling.  "You too Howie."

	Justin let their silence guide him out of the room.  Desire pushed
at his heart, tried to force him to turn to Brian and ensure he was safe.
He didn't.  He had to grasp trust, strangle it.  He had to know Brian could
handle a situation without him.  A situation that concerned him mildly, but
concerned the trust within his own friendships more.  He absentmindedly
lifted his bag from the floor in the hall and hoisted the leather strap
over his head before letting it rest against his chest.  He nibbled his
lower lip and said a silent prayer that trust was all Brian needed to
survive a conversation with his friends without losing that well-fought for
faith in their relationship.


If someone said three years from now you'd be long gone I'd stand up and
punch them out cause they're all wrong I know better cause you said forever
And ever Who knew?


	Give it a proper definition, a perfect collection of words to
mingle with and tension could come to life.  It clung to the walls,
inhabited the corners, drifted through the air without the guidance or
dictation.  It led Brian to squeeze the bridge of his nose, his brow
wrinkled, and his eyes closed.  He scratched the back of his blonde head,
eyes blinking open only when the sound of Nick clearing his throat led him
to.  He sniffled and rubbed the end of his nose, eyes drifting across the
room but never staying focused on one thing too long.  He eyed AJ leaning
forward in the chair he occupied earlier.  Nick was in a corner of the
couch, munching on a burger with a concerned glare in his eyes.  Howie was
next to him, leaning on the production board with wide eyes and a raised
brow.

	"Food's getting cold," Nick noted, slurping his drink through a
straw while motioning his head toward the other plastic bags near him on
the couch.  Brian shook his head at him, exhaling a heavy breath.

	"What is he?" AJ questioned, his voice tense.

	Brian arched an eyebrow, refused to let his eyes linger on AJ
because those large brown eyes were too condemning and he didn't want to be
swayed by their threatening focus.  "He's an ass."

	"Brian Littrell, don't play fucking games with me.  I'm talking
about Justin, not Nick," AJ hissed, his hands balling into fists.  "What is
he to you?"

	Brian rubbed his shoulder, eyes glancing to a corner rather than
AJ.  He wondered if he clicked his heels together three times, maybe he
could escape to his house in LA, fall onto his bed, and wait for Justin to
creep into the room and hold him.  He turned his head, caught Nick's mouth
beginning to open for something other than a bite of his burger.  He held
up a finger briskly, a silent warning that he prayed settled Nick.  He
peered his eyes and watched the way Nick curled into the couch, pouting.

	"He's important," Brian finally said, turning his eyes on AJ.

	"Try boyfriend," Nick mumbled and he was quick to shove another
portion of his burger into his mouth when Brian snapped his head in Nick's
direction.

	"What the fuck?" AJ asked, rotating his chair to look at Nick.
"You can't have one of those if you're married and not gay."

	"I don't think labels are necessary here AJ," Howie insisted.

	"Oh please Howard.  If you're fucking another man and legal
documentation says you still have a wife, what the hell does that mean?" AJ
inquired, his voice high and tight.

	"She fucked somebody else," Brian grumbled, gripping the ends of
the engineering board until his knuckles went white.

	"And so you're going to fuck your career?" AJ proposed, crossing
his arms while leaning back in the chair.

	"Can we keep some calmness about this?  If you're just going to
accuse without questioning, you're not going to get anywhere with Brian and
you know that AJ," Howie asserted.  He lifted a hand and rested it on
Brian's shoulder, giving it a small squeeze in a small attempt at
encouragement.

	Brian did his best to smile in Howie's direction.  Anger was still
curdling in his lungs, disdain toward Nick was rising each time his once
soft blue eyes laid on his best friend.  He found it hard not to chew his
thumbnail, never sure where to glance or what words to utter.

	"How long has this been going on?" Howie pondered, searching
Brian's face as his friend glanced at the floor.

	"Months," Brian whispered, sweaty palms rubbing together as he
lifted his eyes to look at Howie.  He read the curiosity without attempting
to.  He listened to a scoff from the side, debating on whether it was Nick
or AJ.  "Since the night after Leigh Anne cheated on me."

	"The shit head manipulated you when you were vulnerable," AJ
declared, leaning forward in his chair again.  He narrowed his eyes at
Brian when Brian shook his head.

	"That's what I said," Nick boasted, swallowing another gulp of his
drink.  He tipped his cup toward Brian but received no acknowledgment from
the older man.

	"There was no manipulation and he's far from a shit head," Brian
decreed, his face softening as he looked at AJ.  He was trying not to plea
for his friend to understand, to comprehend the depths of Justin's
significance.  AJ was never trusting.  It was in his nature, in his
invisible wounds that led him to trust few and judge many.

	"If it wasn't manipulation, why hide it?" Nick questioned,
stretching his legs out.  He tucked his chin and arched an eyebrow at
Brian, challenged him with strong currents of hesitation weighing down his
expression.

	"Why did you hide it?  You've probably known for awhile now being
that you're his closest friend and yet you said nothing to any of us,"
Howie argued, drawing Nick's bewildered attention.

	"D, you know you would do the same if your best friend didn't know
what the hell he was doing, especially when it came to declaring whether or
not he has a `boyfriend' as Nick calls it," AJ declared, his tone ringing
with unrestrained spite.

	"It's delicate," Brian noted, interrupting the staring contest that
was ruling a silent conversation between Nick and Howie.

	"But not delicate enough for you to be kissing him in broad fucking
daylight at the studio where anyone could've walked in and seen," AJ
stated, pushing up from his chair.  He pulled his pack of cigarettes from
his pocket, shaking his head at Brian as the older man leaned further back
on the mixing board with lidded eyes looking back at him.

	"In a less complex, more meaningful way, I think AJ is trying to
say we want you to think about your career and what doing something like
this could mean," Howie pronounced, his voice wavering on its kindness.  He
sighed when Brian's shoulder slipped from under his hand.

	"I think I'm old enough to know what I'm doing and what my actions
will result in with regards to my `career,'" Brian affirmed, standing
erect.  He shrugged when AJ shook his head again before adding, "but
realistically guys, we're not the Beatles.  This thing we have here won't
last forever and might not last past this next album.  I can't put aside
the feelings I have out of fear of that."

	"That's not far," Nick whined.

	"And what about the little guy?  What the hell is Baylee going to
do with this situation?" AJ asked, tapping on his carton of cigarettes
before plucking one out.

	"Baylee is fine with `this situation.'  He loves Justin; Nick is a
witness to that," Brian insisted, looking to Nick for some form of support.
He shook his head when Nick looked away, defeated in his own right.  "My
son doesn't have anything to worry about regardless of whom I choose to be
with.  But with all due respect to Justin, he puts so much into Baylee that
my son can't help but want to have Justin around.  Our relationship
transcends all of the typical celebrity crap and feels more permanent than
anything I've had outside of this group."

	"He is kind of fond of Justin," Nick muttered, still not looking at
Brian.  He could feel his friend smiling at him.  "But then again, he's
fond of playing in the dirt and watching Dragon Tales.  Reality will
eventually sink in."

	"So then we're supposed to okay Brian having a boyfriend?" AJ
asked.

	"Are we not supposed to?  Should we object without grounds?" Howie
proposed back.

	"Grounds?  He had Leigh Anne.  We were at his wedding.  We welcomed
the birth of his son and now you want me to welcome the birth of his
homosexuality?" AJ chastised, glaring at Howie.

	"I don't think he quite admitted to that part," Nick objected
briskly.

	"Brian made a good point about happiness though.  We haven't been
around he and Justin, but things do point toward a happier, less pain
ridden Brian considering his marriage to the mother of his child just fell
apart unexpectedly," Howie said, adjusting his ponytail.  "I'd say that
would be something resembling positive without the fear of someone preying
upon his vulnerability."

	Brian sighed hard, turning his back to glance into the studio.
He'd prefer be behind that glass, swallowed in music and lyrics while
letting his concentration float on finding the right note rather than
finding the right tone to explain his life to the men he's known longer
than he's known what direction he truly wanted to walk in life.  He tapped
his fingers along the engineering board, watching once blinking lights sit
dimly.  He laughed to himself.  It was that rising feeling inside of him.
What sparkled so brightly between them just sat behind a dim fixture that
didn't know when to blink and when to remain dead.

	"It's still Justin Timberlake.  The man dates, he finds someone,
hibernates with them for a few years, and then he moves the fuck on," AJ
stated.  He rolled the cigarette between his index and thumb, waiting for
Brian to turn around.  It didn't happen.  "What do you do when he moves
on?"

	Nick drew his fingers through his hair, leaned forward until he
rested just on the edge of the couch.  He watched Brian contemplate, chew
on the corner of his bottom lip.  He scrunched his own nose, toying with
the straw in his cup.  He had wanted to ask the question himself, propose
the thought to Brian.  They had battled back and forth, teetered on
particular situations in Brian's relationship with Justin.  Everything felt
so strained when it came to discussing Justin.  It drew away from their
friendship, but parts of Nick didn't want to think it was jealousy.  It was
realism.  It was Nick trying to keep Brian safe.

	"What did you do?  When Amanda broke up with you, when Sarah left
you, what did you do?  When you were strung out on drugs, unable to exist
without a glass of alcohol, what thoughts ran through your mind?" Brian
inquired, doing his best not to peer at AJ.  He wasn't trying to anger his
friend.  He didn't want to anger himself but that prickling sensation at
the back of his neck, that expanse in his chest that was oxygen picked at
his brain.  "Or did you think?  Did you just let it happen?"

	"We've been down this road before when it came to me and my past,"
AJ grumbled, slipping the cigarette between his lips.  He toyed with the
flame on his lighter.

	"That's right, we have.  We let you be the grown up, but not before
we had to intervene," Brian said, wagging a finger at AJ.  "So if we've
been down this road, maybe we should opt to skip the middle man, force the
bullshit out of it, and let me be the grown up."

	"We don't want to see you hurt," Nick pleaded.

	"I appreciate the doubt that you're trying to disguise as concern,"
Brian declared while looking at Nick.  "But do you want to see me happy?"

	"That's a tad bit unfair," AJ rebuffed.

	Brian chuckled lowly, rolling his eyes.  "Oh, but you getting the
opportunity to judge my situation with Justin without all the facts seems
rather just."

	"You hid it from us," AJ barked, yanking the cigarette that dangled
from his lips.

	"I'm not the first to have skeletons in my closet," Brian argued
back, doing his best not to raise his voice but failing.

	"And you would think that those would be lessons learned so that
maybe you wouldn't have to deal with their repercussions," AJ murmured,
folding his arms once more while leaning against the wall adjacent to the
couch Nick occupied.

	"I saw you happy with Leigh Anne, but I'm sure you'd be the first
to say that didn't end too well," Nick spoke up, tilting his head as he
looked at Brian.  "Then again, it's a different situation with Justin."

	"He's a different person," Brian muttered, grasping onto the back
of the chair.  He squeezed it, hoping to relieve some of the overrunning
tension that was crackling against his skin.

	"A different gender too," AJ boasted, rolling his cigarette between
his fingers once more.

	Howie took a step forward, raised his hands in some sign of peace.
He sighed when he caught Brian's eyes drifting, turning to AJ with
importunate eyes that hid his own opposition.  He peered at Nick, daring
him to speak with lidded eyes.  "I'm not sure what this is really about AJ.
I could understand if you are upset with Brian because of his choice to
withhold something from us, but if this is more about his personal choice
to be with a man than I don't see the fairness in that.  Whether that
choice could or couldn't have an affect on his or our career is a proper
subject to address but only with an unbiased view."

	"So you're saying," AJ inquired, waving a hand around dramatically.
He rolled his eyes when he spotted Brian glaring at him.

	Howie pursed his lips before replying, "I'm saying let the man have
a damn boyfriend.  If it isn't hurting him, it doesn't cause conflict with
my nephew Baylee, he can still come in with a clear head and record music
with us, and he's managing to handle what it entails to date someone as big
as Justin, let him do it."

	"Hmm, interesting," Nick mumbled, folding his arms.

	AJ shrugged, slipping the cigarette between his lips again.  He
scanned over Brian, watched the way a small smile began to bubble against
his pink lips.  It only left AJ to sigh, close his eyes and play through
each word that was thrown at him.  He couldn't debate much more.  Not
because he didn't have an argument left in him.  If only because he had
spent years with Brian, countless situations where Brian played the safety
net rather than the martyr.  Brian rarely spoke passionately about issues.
He was the comedic equivalent of Howie.  Yet, Brian was passionate about AJ
seeking help when he was an alcoholic and a drug user.  He was adamant
about keeping the Backstreet Boys as a cohesive unit, with or without
Kevin.  He was outspoken about getting married and now he was ardent about
being with Justin.

	"Yeah, if it makes you happy," AJ said, his tone blasé.  He ignored
the shocked stare he received from Nick.  He leaned off the wall and moved
toward the engineering board, fiddling with a few buttons before
whispering, "Nick, studio."


Remember when we were such fools And so convinced and just too cool I wish
I could touch you again I wish I could still call you friend I'd give
anything


	The softest snicker, an abbreviated snort drew up the corners of
his lips.  It was enough encouragement for him to stop lingering outside of
the door of an empty production booth and peek his head in, eyes
immediately scanning the room until he found Justin lounging on a plush
leather couch with a portable DVD player in his lap.  He was barely
finished clearing his throat when Justin's eyes darted up to him, a shy
hand running over the back of his head as he smiled at Justin.  He read
through the curiosity in those blue eyes and waited with held breath until
a ginger grin blossomed over Justin's lips.

	"What are you watching?" Brian questioned, his voice thin and soft.
He eased completely into the room, his body sliding against the leather
until his thigh pressed against Justin's.  He leaned in Justin's direction,
rolling his eyes at Justin's raised brow.  He let his upper body fall into
Justin's lap, wishing he could squeeze the rest of himself into Justin's
lap and snuggle to him while trying to view the pictures scrambling across
the small screen.

	"Just a little `Weekend At Bernie's' B," Justin replied, tilting
his head to watch the way Brian almost laid across his lap with a grin he
knew he couldn't remove and wouldn't try.  He diverted his eyes from the
screen to watch Brian turn his head and smile up at him.  Justin didn't
hesitate in smiling back, his eyes still rimmed with curiosity.

	"Mm, some like it hot," Brian sung out, grinning at Justin.  He
could fight the shiver of happiness that scoured his body when one of
Justin's hands brushed back his bangs and toyed with his hair.

	"Some like it cold," Justin recited back, shaking his head at Brian
with a snicker.  He was quick to lean down and press a kiss to Brian's
forehead, his thumb trying to press away the wrinkles across Brian's brow.
He drew back, letting Brian's head slip away as he turned to the DVD player
resting on Justin's knees.

	"What part are we at?" Brian asked, sighing.  He felt Justin's hand
easing between his shoulder blades and every inch of him wanted to lean
into that touch.  He let Justin press into the muscles of his back, trying
to remain still.

	"I'm at the part where Larry and Richard take Bernie out on the jet
ski's," Justin responded with a raised eyebrow.  He let his hand ease back
up Brian's back, dancing over the collar of his shirt before threading
through the hair on the back of Brian's head.  He did his best to settle
into a more comfortable position before adding, "shouldn't you be recording
a song babe?"

	"I'm slightly offended that quite possibly my extremely attractive,
often outspoken boyfriend doesn't want me to join him in watching one of
the funniest movies of all time," Brian scoffed, feigning disappointment as
he turned in Justin's lap.  He pressed out a pout as he looked up at
Justin, his head rested on one of Justin's thighs.  He threw his legs up
onto the couch and did his best to stretch in the confined area.

	"Are you finished asshole?" Justin inquired with a laugh, flicking
the end of Brian's nose.  He smirked when Brian echoed him in the laughter,
tilting his head just slightly to admire Brian's face.  "You don't have to
go anywhere."

	"Thanks because Nick is in the recording booth and I truly didn't
feel like being around the guys at this very moment," Brian gushed, arching
his back and craning his neck.  He settled again when Justin's fingers
laced themselves through his blonde hair.  He exhaled a heavy, pleasured
breath when Justin's fingertips rubbed into his scalp.

	"So then is it too soon for me to ask how it went?" Justin
wondered, his voice soft like his fingers against Brian's scalp.

	"Depends," Brian hummed, eyes briefly shutting when Justin's
fingers made a slow skid toward the crown of his head.  "Is making jokes
about your ex-girlfriend's fondness for your sense of style in the hair
department a little too soon?"

	"Fucker," Justin snorted, tugging at a few strands of Brian's hair
before whispering, "but point well taken."

	Brian let Justin dust his fingers over the side of his face, a
graceful movement leading them to his cheek before finding his chin.  He
let his eyes blink shut once more, unconsciously letting all of the nerves,
the anger, the anguish from earlier collapse from his system.  He twitched
his nose and rested his own hands on his chest.

	"I guess a big part of me already knew they wouldn't be like your
friends were.  I felt, from the beginning, it wouldn't be as smooth of a
process," Brian stated, his voice struggling with the words as they formed.

	"I thought we weren't talking about it?" Justin asked, his thumb
tracing Brian's jawline.

	Brian batted his eyes open, squinting his eyes at Brian with a
twisted mouth.  "Are you going to listen?"

	"Continue."

	"Y'all have been broke up a long time.  The unity shouldn't
automatically be there anymore.  Yet I already knew the way your friends
reacted to the idea of you being with me, being with a man, would trump
anything concerning my friends," Brian pronounced, tilting his head further
back to stare up at the ceiling.  He could still spot portions of Justin's
face in his peripheral, a gentle smile tugging at his lips.  "And not just
the whole open-mindedness of the situation.  They just adjusted better to
the thought of you being with anyone other than Britney or Cameron.  They
were okay with it being little ol' Brian Littrell from the Backstreet Boys
with no real acclaim behind it."

	"They objected to you being from the Backstreet Boys," Justin noted
and quickly wanted to retract it when he saw the frown creep across Brian's
lips.  "But the situations and the dynamics are so different B.  We already
had Lance.  And we might not be an official group but, for us, this thing
runs deeper than the music.  It's truly a family."

	Brian thought over Justin's words.  He let each sentence repeat in
his head, dissecting their meaning before combining their purpose.  He felt
Justin's thumb brush over his bottom lip before slipping back to his
goatee.  He let his own hand skid up and wrap around Justin's wrist.  He
held it gently while his thumb played along the back of Justin's hand.  He
needed the warmth.  The thoughts surfacing in his mind were eschewed by his
emotions.

	"We... were a family," Brian sighed out, allowing Justin to rotate
his wrist until his hand was palm up.  Brian's hand sought refuge in
Justin's.

	"You probably still are a family B," Justin noted, craning his body
forward until he could brush his nose to Brian's for comfort.  He
regressed, watching the sheen on Brian's eyes, the way his lips parted only
for a dying smile.  It left his own lips dressed in a frown.  "Although you
might be one of those families that only gets together for Christmas,
Thanksgiving, and graduations due to requirement.  But that's still a
family."

	"Those were words of encouragement?" Brian asked and he couldn't
help the laugh that followed.  He eyed Justin as blush crept into and
speckled across Justin's cheeks.

	"Well, by law, I believe that because you're dating me it kind of
adopts you into my `family,'" Justin offered, shyly smiling while
interlocking his fingers with Brian's.  He laughed at the way Brian shook
his head, chewing his bottom lip to prevent himself from leaning down and
kissing Brian's laughter away.

	"Joey already took me in darlin'.  He says you get the house and
the car, but I get Baylee and the friendship should we ever break up,"
Brian teased, jumping a little when Justin's other hand pinched his nipple
through his shirt.

	Justin smiled, but his mind had already begun to drift.  The
concept was a foreign but real one, one that he hadn't never mulled over
before.  Breaking up.  A break up.  A Justin Timberlake, but no Brian
Littrell.  The relationship was still new, too realistically good for
Justin to have ever thought of it before.  He didn't consider it when he
gave Brian his makeshift `yes' before when Brian presented the question:
Will you be my boyfriend?  For every yes, there had to be a no.  No more
Brian and Justin.  Regardless of how it went, who started a fight, or who
made the decision, there wasn't a promise of longevity.  There was no
guarantee.  None other than the way Brian smiled at him or softly whispered
his name the way only a lover would.  But Brian could wake up on any given
morning and decide being with a man, this man, wasn't worth it all.  It was
an unsure, tread of ice that Justin was allowing himself to walk on without
considering anything other than the fear of getting caught or not being
accepted.

	"You're thinking too hard handsome."

	Justin snapped from thoughts that mashed the names Britney,
Cameron, and Leigh Anne together, let his eyes drift back down to Brian.
Those mirroring blue eyes, ones that finally started to show signs of that
softness that enveloped Justin on his best nights and left him stained,
saddened when he was saying goodbye to them.  There was a nose Justin had
nuzzled so often, a cryptic smile that was stroked against pink lips that
were dusted with hairs from a faint blonde mustache.  Unpredictable futures
and repeated history didn't draw him away when lips puckered.  He only
snickered and pressed a brisk kiss to those pink lips.

	"At least that means you have a boyfriend with a brain," Justin
whispered as he pulled back, letting Brian roll to his side.  He adjusted
to the feel of Brian's shoulder pressing into the side of his thigh,
spreading his legs a little more with Brian's ear pressed to his crotch.

	"And a heart," Brian swooned, gripping Justin's hand a little
tighter.  "Now if only he had courage to go along with those pretty red
slippers."

	Justin couldn't catch his laugh.  It hit him unexpectedly when he
heard Brian's teasing.  He continued to comb his fingers through Brian's
hair, watching the way Brian began to close his eyes again and he was
certain if they remained like that long enough Brian would be sleep in his
lap rather than finish doing whatever recording he was obligated to.  He
unlocked his fingers from Brian's and let his hand grasp the portable DVD
player, lifting it and resting it to the side of Brian.  He wasn't opposed
to the idea of Brian remaining so close.

	The buzz of Justin's phone against his thigh made Justin sigh.  He
could easily push Brian's head aside, reach down into his pocket and snatch
the phone out.  The idea sat pleasantly against his brain as the vibrating
refused to sojourn.  He rubbed his brow as Brian lifted his head in the
slightest, glancing up at Justin with lidded eyes.

	"It's been going all day.  Tim has been sending me messages with
beats attached to a few songs for some artists.  Plus Annie's been blowing
me up about tour arrangements, Trace has been hoping I could get him some
extra passes on a few stops, and my mom has been constantly calling because
she wants to help me pack," Justin noted, exhaling happily when the
vibrating ceased.  He felt Brian slip a hand under his shirt and rub at his
abdomen, his fingers moving in comforting circles.  "She says `hi' by the
way."

	Brian nodded, feeling Justin flinch when the vibrating began again.
He scratched the back of his head while Justin tipped his head back in
frustration.  He sucked in his lower lip before whispering, "just let it go
Ju.  Sometimes you've gotta put life on pause to take care of Justin."

	Justin snorted, glancing down again at Brian.  "Can I rewind a few
moments with you?"

	"I do believe that can be arranged Mr. Timberlake," Brian
snickered, his heavy purposely heavy.  He lifted his body some as Justin
began to rearrange them, laughing shallowly when Justin stretched out onto
the couch with him.  He found it difficult to fit both of their bodies on
the couch but not impossible.  He snuggled closely, his head resting in the
crook of Justin's arm.  He moaned pleasantly, squeezing at Justin's side as
Justin resumed stringing his fingers through Brian's hair.

	"You are an asshole," Justin exhaled out, kissing the top of
Brian's head.

	"Property of Justin R. Timberlake, thank you very much," Brian
grinned, eyes shutting as he took in the peacefulness of being so close.


When someone said count your blessings now 'fore they're long gone I guess
I just didn't know how, I was all wrong But they knew better, still you
said forever And ever Who knew?


	Brian yawned softly, stretching and rolling until all of his
muscles regained that dexterity needed to walk through the halls of the
studio.  He scratched the back of his head, eyes batting repeatedly as he
tried to adjust of the fluorescent lights above.  Somewhere, beneath his
breath, he was cursing Justin for waking him.  He was certain he had been
asleep far too long but he had just reached that point where he was
comfortable and every second further lifted him closer to a dream about
rainbows, unicorns, and four-leaf clovers.  But that soft smile that
welcomed him made it less discouraging.  He was glad Justin agreed to
remain at the studio a bit longer, promising to be around when Brian
finished recording.

	"Aren't you looking refreshed?"

	Brian felt his shoulders drop unconsciously.  He combed his fingers
through his hair and kicked at the carpet, something inside of him not
wanting to lift his eyes and direct them to the vicinity he was certain
Nick was occupying.  He could easily shift by Nick, escape back into the
studio and listen to a playback of what had been recorded or even deal with
AJ hollering at him for being away too long.  But not Nick.  That required
delving into far too many issues and Brian didn't think, at the moment, he
had the brain capacity.

	"Fortunately I wasn't on my A-game today and we had to spend some
extra time working on my vocals," Nick boasted, grinning in Brian's
direction before chiming, "but AJ's still mad that you weren't around."

	"It'd be fortunate if you ever had an `A-game' Nick," Brian hummed,
finally lifting his eyes to look upon his friend.  Somewhere inside he
wanted to smack that smug grin from his best friend's lips.

	"Well, it's good that Mr. Timberlake hasn't killed your sense of
humor.  Wish I could say the same for your work ethic," Nick said with a
gleam, walking toward Brian with a cigarette behind his ear and a bottle of
water in hand.

	"I'm quite certain the definition of jackass includes the words
`Nick' and `Carter' in there somewhere," Brian replied snidely, leaning
against one of the walls while Nick stood in front of him.  He was certain
his lack of enthusiasm showed.

	"And here I thought you didn't dare utter words that weren't listed
somewhere in the Bible," Nick laughed out, lightly punching Brian in the
shoulder.

	"What is wrong with you?" Brian questioned, the tenseness that once
occupied his voice returning hastily.

	"Meaning?" Nick questioned, ducking his head a little when Brian
shot him a tense stare.

	"Meaning you're need to be quite the asshole about this situation.
Meaning your fondness for treating Justin as if he's meaningless and
doesn't exist when in fact he mean's a lot to me.  Why are you harping so
much on this one situation?" Brian asked, pulling away from Nick.

	"Dude, quit giving the kid so much credit.  I'm not `harping' over
this at all," Nick responded smugly.

	"Bullshit," Brian hissed, his scowl prominent.  He folded his arms
against his chest, tapping his foot impatiently to prevent himself from
walking away from Nick.  They had too many years, too many memories of a
friendship that had withstood worse.

	"Whatever, he's Justin.  You're dating a guy.  One big happy family
with Baylee and shit.  But when he hurts you, I don't want to be sitting on
the sidelines waiting to pick you up," Nick grumbled, eyes shifting toward
the floor.

	"So you don't trust him?  From day one you wouldn't even give him
the benefit of the doubt," Brian argued, blue eyes squinting with lips
barely moving to release the words.

	"And why should I?  Through the years, what the hell has Justin
Timberlake done for any of us to give him any kind of a benefit of a
doubt?" Nick inquired, throwing his hands up recklessly.  He watched
Brian's stance grow tenser.  "Damn, what is your hang up over him?"

	"My hang up?  You want to know what my hang up is?" Brian asked,
his voice strained with tension.  He didn't wait for Nick to nod, to show
him any form of acknowledgment.  "My hang up is that for once Brian
Littrell of the Backstreet Boys went through something.  I had to deal with
a pretty devastating situation in my life.  I'm beyond grateful to that
young man for being there for me and showing me a side of life that neither
of us expected to find.  I'm hung up over the fact that he is probably one
of the most genuine, sincere men I've ever met.  He's there without
pretense.  My hang up, Nick, is that I love him.  Not falling, not
considering.  I am in love with Justin."

	Nick's eyes widened and thoughts were too scattered for him to
respond.  Brian was his best friend.  He sensed something in the way they
spoke, the way they didn't carry on like they used to.  He saw in Brian's
facial expression whenever he did speak of Justin.  He questioned it when
he first saw them together, wondered where feelings were headed.  He didn't
expect it, thought of it, but didn't truly consider it.  He didn't know
whether to prepare or not, but he was certain that Brian wasn't lying.  His
best friend was in love with Justin.

	"You love him," Nick concurred with a nod and a shallow voice.

	"Yes and it's a shame that the first person I tell that to isn't my
boyfriend, but the guy who hates him considerably," Brian sighed out,
rubbing fingers over his creased forehead.  "So you need to keep it to
yourself and deal with it."

	"But..."

	"No.  No `but' this time Nick.  Be a best friend and live with
this.  Don't go running your mouth or trying to cause havoc," Brian
insisted, a hand raised each time he felt Nick was fighting with words to
speak.  He lowered his hand while shaking his head, dragging his other hand
through his blonde hair.  He did his best to focus, to calm emotions.  They
were frolicking through his mind with a speed that was too consuming to
slow.  His frustration dared to bring up tears, one that he fought against
and managed to hold in.  He watched Nick lean against the wall silently and
that was enough for him.  No arguing, no debate.  Nick understood.


I'll keep you locked in my head Until we meet again And I won't forget you,
my friend What happened?


	Hours passed with more silence than music consuming them.  He was
the only one left in the production booth, AJ, Howie, and Nick long
removed.  Howie made promises to call him, to try and arrange a dinner so
that he could formally speak with Justin.  There were only silent farewells
between he and AJ, conversations still waiting with moments too soon for
him to acknowledge.  Nick tried to coerce him into following him, going
with him to talk more and find a common ground.  He refused.  He did his
best to remain cordial and unaffected by his best friend's indifference,
only smiling and waving as Nick again pleaded with him.

	He toyed with his cell phone, a sole name highlighted on his list
of contacts.  He couldn't help the sigh that crossed his lips as he
contemplated actually dialing the number.  He let his head tip back and
forth, blue eyes reading the name like it was foreign.  He had found his
strength many times, but it kept fading against the wind when this thumb
slid over the `send' button.  He didn't realize swallowing the lump in the
back of his throat had become so difficult, its thickness leaving him to
tap his fingers along the production board.  He let his tongue slide over
his lower lip as he read the name one more time: Kevin.

	"So is this how you spend your free time?  Honestly B, doesn't seem
all that much fun when you could be chillin' with your boyfriend," Justin
said, slinking arms around Brian's neck as he leaned over the smaller man.
He laughed lowly, nuzzling a stubbly cheek to Brian's smoother one.  "I
mean, if that was even in your list of options."

	"Trust me baby," Brian whispered, head lowering as he continued to
toy with the cell phone.  "It's always number one."

	"I'm so honored," Justin teased, pressing a gently kiss to the lobe
of Brian's ear.  He felt the tenseness beneath his arms, quirking an
eyebrow as he tried to read Brian's actions.

	"Stop trying to figure it out," Brian said with a small giggle,
leaning his head back until it rested on Justin's shoulder.

	"Stop being all secretive," Justin retorted, tracing fingers along
the collar of Brian's shirt.  He nudged Brian's head with his own, waiting
until he could see the corners of bright blue eyes.  He contained his own
pleasant sigh.

	"Stop being so damn..." Brian halted himself.  He let the word
tiptoe across his lips, holding it as Justin raised his brow with
curiosity.  He shook his head, faking a laugh as he glanced back to his
phone again.

	"Thinking about calling your cousin?" Justin wondered, easing off
of Brian.  He grabbed the back of the chair and spun it until Brian was
facing him, grinning widely as Brian lifted his own brow with surprise.
Justin merely winked, crouching down until he could rest his arms on
Brian's thighs.

	Brian nodded, fear preventing him from following through and added
more descriptive words to his silent response.  He let his free hand travel
the corners of Justin's face, a gentle, unexpected smile rolling over his
own lips.

	"You going to tell him, aren't you?" Justin questioned, twisting
his lips to the side.  He mimicked Brian's nod, thumbs tracing up the seams
of Brian's pants.

	"I need to," Brian whispered, swallowing back his own smile when an
endearing one ghosted over Justin's lips.  He traced his thumb along the
shell of Justin's ear, leaning forward with unexpected intent.  He
cautiously pressed a kiss to Justin's lips, drawing back to watch Justin's
eyes remain shut while savoring the touch.  He laughed softly, leaning in
again for another kiss, his tongue slipping over the crest of Justin's
lips.

	"Don't have to do anything you don't want to do," Justin mumbled as
Brian drew back, eyes blinking open to watch crinkling blue eyes look at
him with wonder.

	"I know," Brian concurred, his thumb tracing over Justin's bottom
lip.  He tilted his head to admire Justin for seconds, fear rinsing away as
his thoughts swerved into a new path.  "But I've always thought it best to
tell my cousin about someone I'm in love with.  It's just out of respect."

	"Yeah, but," Justin caught himself, retracing each of Brian's words
with wide eyes.  He replayed them repeatedly, focusing on one sole portion
of the statement.  Four words continued to trickle through his brain, one
of his hands shaking as they echoed like a heavy drum against four empty
walls.  He swallowed hard, mouthing the words as Brian looked on.

	"Yeah," Brian said softly, barely able to find any form of response
as pride overran him.  He laughed inaudibly as Justin reached up, nearly
crawling into his lap with adoring eyes and a trembling bottom lip.  He
never thought of Justin as weak, often sentimental, but not to the point it
was emotional.  In that moment, he saw the softest side of Justin.  He
glanced to his phone once more, finally pressing the `send' button.

	"You're in... like, really, in..."

	Brian mouthed the final word, snickering as he held his phone to
his ear, He listened to the rings, laced his fingers with Justin's as the
younger man continued to babble.  He wanted to listen to each word, pretend
they were new and foreign so that the moment would feel as velvety as the
look upon Justin's face.

	"Kev?  Hey, how are you?  Yeah, Baylee's wonderful.  You're going
to see him soon?  Hmm, must've been chit-chatting with my mom again," Brian
gushed, eyes occasionally glancing toward his boyfriend.  He puckered a
kiss for Justin, trying to swallow a laugh as Justin tilted his head in
adoration.  "Hey, I was calling you because I wanted to tell you something
kind of important.  What?  No, it's not Backstreet-related.  Actually, it's
about me.  I'm in love with somebody."

	Brian didn't try to restrain his smile.  He let Justin thread
fingers through his blonde hair and continue to stare at him as he
conversed with his cousin.  There was an uncanny mirrored pride in both of
their eyes and he didn't need to hear it from Justin.  Not yet.  He just
needed to know he could say the words.  He needed to remember that silence
from some of his friends didn't mean the end of the world he knew barely
enough to call it his.  He laughed playfully as his cousin spoke into his
ear while Justin played imaginary notes across his chest.  He didn't want
to escape this moment.  Not for the friends he knew, that he knew or didn't
know anymore.

If someone said three years from now you'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out cause they're all wrong
And that last kiss I'll cherish until we meet again
And time makes it harder, I wish I could remember
But I keep your memory, you visit me in my sleep
My darling, who knew?

-- "Who Knew," by P!nk


// Special Note: Thank you to all of the readers that wrote me asking for
me to write some more of this series.  Unfortunately, for the time being,
this will have to be a bookmark in the series as I am focused on other
materials and endeavors.  I have fully enjoyed writing this series and
returning to my roots with Brian and Justin.  Hopefully, one day soon, I'll
want to continue this and further explore the dynamics of the relationship
I have built.  But for now, this is a small intermission and a Xmas gift to
everyone who wrote me.  Special thanks to - Tiffany, Dee, Christian, John,
and every single person not mentioned that e-mailed and encouraged me to
finish! //

** All comments, concerns, complaints, con.. Oh whatever, please send it
all over to: catsfan1@hotmail.com **