Date: Fri, 30 Apr 1999 18:40:22 PDT
From: keith lowell <keithlowell@hotmail.com>
Subject: Brian and Keith - 4

Here is the fourth part of the story. Again, this story involves Brian
Littrell of the Backstreet Boys. Please remember that this is a pure
fantasy and absolutely nothing is implied about the sexualities of any
of the characters in this story. All comments and suggestions are
welcome and appreciated at keithlowell@hotmail.com, Thanks. With that
said....ENJOY....

Brian and Keith - 4

"Keith!" his father sighed into the phone.

"I was wondering if I could speak to Carol or Brad please," Keith said
in a whisper.

"They're not here right now, but I would like to speak to you," his
father replied.

Keith was shocked beyond belief by what he had heard his father say.
He never thought he would ever hear those words spoken by his father
again. Keith was silent because he did not know what to say to his
father. Then he just started crying over the phone as did his father.
After about five minutes his father spoke up.

"Where are you? We tried to call you all day yesterday and even left
several messages," his father said.

"Oh! I'm staying over at a friend's place," Keith managed to say
hoping that his father will not press the issue.

"Well, the funeral is today at around 4 pm so I want you there. Just
give me the name of the nearest airport and there will be a ticket
waiting for you at the information desk," his father said as he side
stepped the issue of "Keith's friend" much to Keith's relief.

Keith gave him the airport's name and told him that he will be at the
information desk in one hour, so anytime after that is fine as long as
it got him there in time for the funeral. Brian just came back into
the room from the bathroom as he heard the last part of Keith's
conservation. He was confused by the talk of the airport. He waited
until Keith hung up the phone and then went and sat on the bed across
from Keith. Keith managed to wipe away the tears before looking up at
Brian.

"I am going to the funeral. I just talked to my father and he is
arranging for a ticket right now," Keith said.

Brian smiled as Keith told him about his conservation with his father
and how he had to be at the airport in one hour. Then his smile turned
into a frown as he realized the he was not going to be spending time
with Keith for awhile.

Brian called Kevin and told him about Keith's travel plans. Kevin suggested
that they should drop Keith off at the airport on their way to rehearsal.
Brian agreed that would be best because Keith had to be
there in about forty minutes. Kevin said that they should meet him and
the rest of the guys at the elevator in about five minutes. Brian
agreed and ended the call. Keith had just finished packing his bag for
the trip. He sat down next to Brian on the bed. Brian reached over and
took Keith's hands and put them between his hands. He brought them up
to his lips as he kissed them.

"I want you to remember that I love you no matter whatever happens and
I will always do so," Brian said as he got up and grabbed Keith's bag.

Keith sat there dumbfounded. He had no idea as to how to react. Here
he thought that Brian was just going to have some fun with him for the
week and then be on his way. Now he felt very stupid for thinking
that.

Brian was almost out of the door when he noticed Keith was not beside
him. He looked back and saw Keith still sitting on the bed staring in
space. He smiled at himself and approached Keith. Boy, he did not want
to let Keith go but knew that he will return in about two to three
days. Then he will have Keith all to himself. He kneeled in front of
Keith and kissed him on the lips. That brought Keith out of his trance
and he returned the kiss with enthusiasm. Brian broke the kiss
reluctantly because he knew that if he did not do so, Keith would
never make it to the airport or he to rehearsal.

"You liked that, didn't you?" Brian asked as he smiled mischievously.

"Yes," Keith sighed as he took a deep breath and hung his head on
Brian's right shoulder.

"Well that will tell you what you have to look forward to ," Brian
said as he got up and pulled Keith up with him.

They both headed out the door and saw the rest of the guys waiting at
the elevator. Brian took Keith's hand in his and walked towards them.
When they reached the elevator, all the guys had big smiles on their
faces, although A.J. had the widest of them. Brian snickered as he
looked at all of them.

"Why are you all looking so goofy for?" Brian asked with a chuckle. He
could hardly keep the laughter in.

"Aah! love is in the air," A.J. sang as they all got into the
elevator.

That did it, everyone started laughing out loud. Keith wiped tears of
joy away from his eyes after the laughter died out. They all walked
towards the limo and got in. Brian held Keith's hand again as Keith
layed his head on Brian's shoulder.

They arrived at the airport right on the hour. The whole trip had been
spent in silence. No one knew what to say, so they decided to let
Brian and Keith have their moment. The guys were going to be late for
rehearsal, but by not much because the airport was only four blocks
from the hall they were rehearsing at.

Keith said good bye to everyone and promised to call Brian tonight.
They all said that they will say a special prayer for Keith's mom
sometime today. Brian kissed Keith and gave him a warm hug before he
let Keith get out of the limo. The limo pulled away and was on its way
in a matter of seconds. Keith turned around and saw the limo make its
way to the parking lot of the building where the hall was. Keith
sighed and walked into the airport. He saw a desk in the middle that
had a huge sign on it saying that this was the information desk.

Keith headed towards the desk and stood in line to wait his turn. He
was awaited by an attendant who looked a lot like his mother. He stood
there staring at the woman, not believing how much the woman resembled
his mother. He shook nervously and asked her if there was an envelope
waiting for him at the desk.

"No, I'm sorry sir," she replied.

Keith got a disappointed look on his face and said that he will try
back in a few minutes. He walked to a seat and sat down and looked
around. He saw a guy walk up to the information desk with an envelope
in his hand. Keith perked up and hoped that was his ticket. He looked
expectantly at the lady as she scanned the waiting area in front of
her. She smiled and nodded as her eyes came upon Keith. He immediately
got up and got the envelope from her after showing her proper
identification. He took the envelope back to his seat and sat down. He
opened the envelope and was very surprised only to find a note there
and nothing else. He thought that maybe the ticket would be waiting at
the airline counter and this note would tell him where to go. Boy! was
he wrong.

Keith unwrapped the piece of paper and started reading. His smile
faded and tears started falling as he realized what the note actually
said. The note said:

     Keith,
           I cannot believe that you thought I would forgive
     you just because your mother died. I am even more angrier
     now then I was before. I threw you out of my house and
     family and here I find out that you have kept in touch
     with your brother and sister. Just because your mother
     died does not mean that everything can go back to the way
     it was. Now I am going to even try to stop all
     communication between you and your siblings, who are part
     of my family which you do not belong to anymore. How funny
     is it that you fell for my trick. Did you really think
     that I would allow you to come to the funeral. Just to
     make sure, I moved up the funeral to 2 pm instead of 4 pm.
     I did this switch yesterday evening, but notice I did not
     tell you. I am so happy that my plan succeeded and you
     are sitting there in the airport acting like everything
     is okay and I just blew you away. I wish I could be there
     in person to slap you across the face for the
     embarrassment that you caused your mother and myself. I am
     just happy that this little episode will teach you a
     lesson. Now, you can go back to being a WHORE like the
     one you are, and we will have nothing to do with it.

                                       Mr. Lowell

     p.s. Don't even bother telling Brad or Carol about this
          because they think that I invited you to the funeral
          and you refused because you are spending time with
          your "FRIEND".

     p.p.s. Hah!Hah! I have my sweet revenge and it feels so
            good.

Keith sat there as tears ran down his face. He could not believe that
his father could be that cruel. He did not deserve to be treated like
this. This was all because he told his family that he was gay. Fine,
his father threw him out, but then to act like everything is okay and
then to pull a stunt like this. He was so disgusted that he wanted to
tear the note and throw it away. But, then he decided that he would
save the note to show to his brother and sister. He knew that Carol
would never believe their father, but Brad would be another story.
Yes, he had to save the note for insurance.

He decided that he would let his father win this battle, but the war
was far from over. He would get back in touch with his sister and
explain the circumstances to her. She would believe him and then he
would worry about Brad when he saw him. He had to deal with Brad in
person because Brad had always accused Keith of being very selfish,
and this lie about the funeral was probably too much to handle for
Brad. He was sure that Brad would strangle him if he was anywhere
near Brad right now. He would wait for Brad to calm down and then
approach him one day, hopefully soon.

Keith looked up at the clock and noticed through teary eyes that it
was 2 pm. He said a little silent prayer for his mother and wished her
soul to be in heaven. Then he wiped his tears away and headed out of
the airport. He wanted to get as far away from this airport as
possible.

Keith was walking down the street. He was not even thinking about where he
was going. He thought about just going home and spending a couple of days
there and then meet up with Brian and the guys. He also
thought that he should not be alone at a time like this, but rather be with
people who see him as their friend. And of course, he could not find anyone
else that would love him like Brian. He needed that right now. He needed
that feeling of closeness and of being loved.

Keith found himself standing in front of the building that Brian and
the guys were using to rehearse. He smiled at himself as he thought
that his subconscious brought him to his love when he was in so much
turmoil on the inside. He took a deep breath and went inside the
building. As he entered, he saw a guard standing on the right side. He
approached the guard and took out his identification.

"Hi my name is Keith Lowell, and I was wondering if I could sit and
wait for the Backstreet Boys while they finish rehearsing," Keith said
to the guard as he handed over is identification.

"Yes, Mr. Richardson said that incase you came here to inform them
immediately," the guard replied as he picked up the phone.

"No, please do not disturb them, I will just wait for them to finish,"
Keith replied quickly.

"If you're sure," the guard said as he put the phone down.

"Do you know which room they're in, I'll just sit in the back if I can
and just watch," Keith asked as he took back his identification.

"They're in the main hall, its two doors down on your right," the
guard replied.

"Thank you," Keith answered.

Keith headed for that door. He was lucky that Kevin had left his name
with the guard. Kevin probably thought that just incase Keith was not
able to get a flight, then they could take other steps to insure that
Keith makes it for the funeral.

'Even Kevin would never have thought that I would be returning in
these circumstances,' Keith thought as he reached one of the doors to
the main hall.

Keith opened the door and slipped in. He was a bit shocked by what he
saw. The hall was actually a genuine concert hall. He saw the guys
rehearsing their routine on the stage. He sat down at the first seat
that he came to. Fortunately, the seat was all the way in the back in
the dark so the guys could not see him. He looked at his watch to see
that it was 2:30 pm. The guys would be finishing up soon.

The music stopped and all the guys sat down at the edge of the stage.
The guys chatted among themselves as Keith saw Brian sitting alone
sipping water staring in space. Soon the music started again and the
guys returned to their routine. They rehearsed for another forty
minutes and decided to call it a day. Everyone just sat around and
sipped their water trying to calm down after that workout.

"Hey guys, how about we say that prayer for Keith's mom now," Brian
suggested.

Keith smiled to himself as he heard Brian. He thought that Brian was
too good for him. Then he realized that he really was in love with
Brian.

"Yes, that's a good idea," Nick agreed.

"Yes, its better if we say it together rather than separate later on,"
A.J. said as he nodded with the rest of the guys.

Keith felt genuine friendship and love coming from the stage. He
thought about what he did to deserve such nice friends. 'I don't know but
I'm not going to throw it away,' Keith thought.

"Does anyone know the name of Keith's mother?" Kevin asked.

Everyone looked around at each other and nodded 'no'. They all looked
at Brian expectantly. Brian also nodded 'no' and looked towards the
floor. He felt bad because he should have asked Keith that before he
left for the funeral.

They all got up and formed a circle on the stage. Several members of
the crew joined in once they found out what the guys were doing.
Again, Keith was surprised by the genuine care that he felt come off
the stage towards him. Keith got up from where he was sitting and
started walking towards the stage. No one noticed him because it was
dark in that part of the hall and also he was not expected to be
there. He held the note that his father had written to him in his
hand. All he wanted was to be held by Brian and never let go.

Keith approached the stage without anyone noticing him. He was in the
lighted area now so anyone looking in his direction would see him. The
guys had their backs toward him so they certainly did not see him.
Actually no one noticed him there because no one expected anyone to be
there. There had been no calls from the guard out front letting them
know that someone had entered the building.

"Her name was Rose," Keith said as he stepped on the first step of the
stage.

Everyone turned around and looked surprisingly at Keith. The guys were
confused and terrified by hearing Keith's voice and seeing him there.
No one moved for a couple of seconds as they were caught off guard.
After all, the guard was supposed to call and let them know that Keith
was there.

"Keith what are you doing here?" Kevin asked breaking the silence.

Keith did not answer him. He just stood there with tears streaming
down his face and holding up the note. The guys immediately excused
themselves from the group and surrounded Keith in a matter of seconds.
Again, Keith was glad that he had these friends to turn to, otherwise
he felt that this would have been the last day of his life.

"What's wrong?" Kevin asked while putting his hand on Keith's
shoulder.

Keith could not answer him. He just started whimpering which caused
more tears to run down his face. The stage crew noticed this and
excused themselves from the scene. They all said that they would say a
prayer for Rose Lowell sometime today. Nick and Howie acknowledged
them and thanked them for their understanding. Now, only the guys were
left with Keith. After Brian noticed that they were alone, he spoke
up.

"Keith, what's wrong?" Brian asked as he put both his hands on Keith's
shoulders and turned Keith towards himself.

Keith did not reply, but instead threw himself into Brian's arms while
handing the note to Kevin. Keith now started crying loudly. Kevin took the
note from Keith and just held it. He did not realize that Keith wanted him
to read the note. Brian gave Keith a warm hug and just held him to show that
its going to be all right. Although Brian did not know what was going on, he
just sensed that hugging Keith was the right thing to do right now.

"Go ahead, read the note Kevin," A.J. said while looking at Kevin.

"Oh yeah! I'm sorry," Kevin said as he opened the piece of paper in
his hands.

Kevin started reading the note quietly to the guys. After he read the
first line, he looked worriedly towards everyone. 'Oh no, this is not
good,' he thought to himself as he paused for a second. He continued
reading the note to the group. When he finally finished, Kevin wiped
away the tears from his eyes as he looked at everyone.

Keith was crying the whole time as Kevin read the note. He still did
not believe that his father could be that cruel. He was sobbing by the
time Kevin finished reading the note. Hearing someone read those words
was too much for him to handle. The meaning behind those words did not
set in until he heard the words read aloud by someone else.

Brian could not believe what he just heard. He felt so sorry for
Keith. He could not believe that someone could be that heartless
towards their own child, especially in this kind of situation. He just
held on to Keith like there was no tomorrow. He wanted Keith to feel
that he was there for him and that he cared, but most importantly that
he would never do something like that to hurt Keith. He wanted Keith
to feel loved because he was afraid what Keith might do if he felt no
one loved him. He was glad that Keith came to him and the guys because
at the least, he wanted to keep an eye on Keith. Brian reluctantly
broke the hug and held onto Keith's hands.

The rest of the guys just stood there in shock. Like Brian, they did
not believe what their ears had heard. There was a range of emotions
that were apparent on everyone's faces. Howie kept twisting his hands
together trying to imagine that he had Keiths father's head in between his
hands. He would gladly have strangled Mr. Lowell if he were there. Nick was
busy wiping away tears from his eyes. He hated to see anyone upset,
especially Keith. He had come to think of Keith as one of the guys. A.J. had
a very sad expression on his face. It could be described as hopelessness. He
doubted if now there was any chance that Keith would have a normal
relationship with his family, especially his father. He felt sorry for Keith
because he knew all to well how important family is.

Everyone was at a loss of words as Keith continued crying. They all
understood that he had to get all this emotion out of his system. Brian
started to cry now too. He could not hold back anymore. He felt helpless
standing there not being able to anything to comfort him. But, little did he
know that Keith got his support from the guys especially Brian. Keith
regarded all the guys with the highest form of fondness and a genuine sense
of friendship.

"Shall we say that prayer now?" Nick asked as he wiped away more tears from
his eyes which had started flowing after he saw Brian start to cry.

Everyone nodded their agreement. They chose not to speak. Brian let go of
one of Keith's hands and Kevin took that hand and held it firmly. All the
rest of guys formed a circle linking their hands together. Everyone bowed
their heads waiting for Keith to start. Keith knew that they were waiting
for him to say something. He opened his mouth several times to say something
but nothing came out.

"I don't think I can do this," Keith managed to say before returning to sob
loudly. He could not control his emotions.

"That's okay," Brian said as he rubbed Keith's hand.

Kevin started speaking immediately after Brian spoke. He started off with a
prayer for Rose Lowell. He prayed for her soul to rest in eternal peace in
heaven. He prayed that God forgive all her sins and welcome her with open
arms into his kingdom. He then prayed for the family that she left behind.
He prayed that God would grant them the patience and strength to deal with
her loss and to go on living. He took each of Keith's family members name,
even Mr. Lowell, and asked God to keep them safe and in his divine light. He
ended with a special prayer for Keith to make peace with his father and
bring his family back together.

Everyone had their eyes closed and were saying 'Amen' after each prayer
Kevin said. Keith would say it first and then the rest of the guys would
follow with their 'Amens' at the same time. Keith said 'Amen' to everything
that Kevin said except the stuff about his father. In those instances the
rest of the guys waited for him to say it, but after waiting for a little
bit Brian would say 'Amen' and then the rest of the guys would follow. Keith
was just not ready yet to forgive and forget. The rest of the guys
understood that Keith was not able to take that step yet, but hoped that
they would be seeing that really soon.

Brian was the first one to break the circle as he embraced Keith in a warm
hug. Keith continued crying until he eventually calmed down. Today had been
an extremely emotional day for him. But now, as he started to calm down, he
felt hungry. He had only eaten breakfast the whole day. Keith let the hug
die and kissed Brian on the cheek.

"Thank you my knight in shining armour, I love you," Keith whispered to
Brian as he looked straight in Brian's eyes. Brian smiled down at Keith as
he brushed away the tears that were left on Keith's cheek. He did not say
anything in reply to Keith's comment, but Brian did take Keith's hands in
his hands and squeezed and rubbed them. That was all that was needed for
Keith to know how Brian felt about him. Brian and Keith both snapped out of
their fantasy world simultaneously as they looked around and saw the rest of
the guys sitting in the front row looking up at them. Both Keith and Brian
blushed as they noticed the guy's expressions on their faces.

"Okay, now what do we do," A.J. sighed as he twiddled his fingers.

"Lets go get some dinner, I'm starved," Keith said as he grabbed Brian's
hand and led him down the stage stairs.

"That's a great idea," Kevin said as he stood up and rubbed his hands
together.

Everyone laughed at Kevin's enthusiasm and started to walk up to the exit.
They all started feeling better after a very tense afternoon. They started
joking with each other on their way out to the limo. Keith grabbed his bag
form the guard on his way out the door. Brian immediately took it from him
and handed it to the driver. They all got into the limo and settled in for
the ride back to the hotel. They all decided that they would all freshen up
before going out to dinner.

The ride over to the hotel was spent mostly in silence. Everyone was
physically and emotionally tired. Keith and Brian stared out the same window
while holding hands. The others stole glances at the two of them while
looking out the windows or each other. Old fears were returning about what
would happen once Sunday rolled around. They all decided that they would let
things happen the way they were meant to happen and worry about leaving when
Sunday did come around.

The limo finally reached the hotel. The guys sighed as the early evening
breeze hit their faces. It felt really good. They all headed inside the
hotel and make it to the elevator without any instances. They were all glad
because no one was really in the mood to deal with the fans this evening.
They were all looking forward to their showers. They all made their way to
their rooms in silence. Just as everyone was about to close their doors,
Kevin spoke up.

"Lets meet in about thirty minutes at the elevator," he said as he looked
mainly in the direction of Brian's room.

Brian and Keith both nodded and closed the door. The rest of the guys also
did the same as the hall returned to the same state as it was before the
guys arrived.

Keith went directly to the bed and lay down. He was lying on his back as
Brian approached the bed. Brian was on top of Keith in a matter of seconds
and started kissing him. Keith opened his mouth and gladly accepted the
kiss. Brian finally let the kiss die after about five minutes or so. He
kissed Keith's cheek and neck as he buried his face in Keith's neck.

"I love you, you taste so sweet and delicious," Brian sighed as he raised
his head up and looked directly in Keith's eyes. Keith just smiled and said
nothing as he looked into Brian's eyes. Brian started kissing Keith again as
he was lost in the moment.

"I love doing this and I want this to happen so much, but we have to get
ready for dinner," Keith said as he held Brian's head with his hands.

Brian pouted and frowned as he sighed. Keith smiled at his knight as he
pushed Brian off himself. Brian sat there and pouted again with his head
hung low acting as if he was angry. Keith's smile widened as he looked at
Brian sitting there acting like a child. He looked as if he was about to
throw a temper tantrum any second now. Keith's heart broke in two pieces
that he could not indulge Brian's wishes, but he knew that the look that
Kevin gave them meant no funny business. And of course he was starving, so
he needed food. He got off the bed and started getting out his clothes for
tonight. He looked back and saw Brian sitting in the same exact position
with the same childish expression on his face. Keith went up to Brian and
knelt in front of him. He took Brian's head between his hands and raised his
face up to meet his own. He looked into Brian's eyes and smiled. He leaned
forward and kissed Brian's lips.

"I love you, but I am starving," Keith said after he broke the kiss.

Brian pouted again and sighed. He smiled and leaned forward and tried to
kiss Keith again. Keith resisted by backing away and letting go of Brian.
Brian pouted again as he looked at the floor.

"You are such a baby, a cute one though," Keith said as he looked at Brian.

Keith patted Brian's thigh and pulled him up from the bed. He gave Brian a
peck on the cheek as he rubbed his hands on Brian's chest.

"That my dear was a preview of whats to come tonight. My knight is going to
make love to me tonight and nothing will ruin it," Keith whispered in
Brian's ear.

Brian smiled and perked up. Now, he can hardly wait for tonight. He
reluctantly let go of Keith and went to the bathroom for his shower. He took
a quick shower and was out in a matter of minutes. Keith also took a quick
shower as time was catching up with them. They only had ten more minutes
till they had to meet up with the rest of the guys. By the time both of them
were ready, the thirty minutes were up. Brian took Keith's hand in his own
and headed out the door. All the guys were waiting on them again. Brian and
Keith ran down to the elevator and apologized for being late.

"Geez, Brian, ever since you two got together you always seem to be late for
everything," Nick blurted out while laughing.

Keith turned around sharply and looked at Nick. He felt like Nick was
blaming him for taking up Brian's time that he should be putting in for the
group. Brian had anger written all over his face as he glared at Nick. Keith
noticed this and held Brian's hand even tighter.

"I'm sorry Nick, we will be more careful of the time from now on," Keith
said sincerely as he looked at Nick.

"Thanks Keith, that would be helpful," Howie said as he looked directly at
Brian.

Keith did not like the way this conservation was going. He suddenly felt
very uncomfortable among friends. He looked at his watch and saw that they
were only five minutes late. But then Keith realized that it had nothing to
do with the time. It all had to do with the fact that Brian was paying more
attention to him rather than the group. He made a silent promise to himself
that he would never let Brian or himself be late if they were to meet up
with the group. He did not want to be responsible for a fight within the
group.

Just then the elevator ring brought Keith out of his thinking mode. He
looked at Brian and saw pure anger on his face. Keith sighed and walked into
the elevator.

"So, where are we eating today," Keith asked with an upbeat disposition to
lighten the mood.

"We have not decided yet, we were waiting for yours and Brians suggestions,"
Kevin said in the same tone that Keith had used. He did not want anything to
happen tonight for both their's and Keith's sake. No one was up to a
discussion much less a fight.

"Well! anything you guys want will be fine with me and Keith," Brian blurted
out while still looking at the floor.

Keith leaned towards Brian and whispered in his ear. "Let it go, I don't
want you to be angry tonight," Keith said. Brian smiled a little and was
thankful that Keith was there with him. Otherwise, there would have been a
fight tonight because Nick and Howie had always made comments like that when
they got a chance. He had always resented that treatment from the guys and
it was getting to be too much to handle. Again he smiled and thanked God
that Keith was there by his side to help him with this.


to be continued............